Anyone academically strong in high school fail to live up to career expectations?
Posted by trademarktower@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 172 comments
It's been interesting looking up some old classmates on Facebook from the class of 01 for our 25th reunion. We are all approaching mid 40s now and some people have just totally hit it out of the park in their careers running their own businesses or in executive roles.
I was a very smart but also lazy kid in high school and even though I got into a highly selective college was never particularly ambitious in my career and prioritized my work life balance and family. I've done fine but I tutored some of these kids in high school and they were stoners and on a path to nowhere so it's wild how things ended up where they did so much better than me.
Prestigious-Emu5277@reddit
Maybe I’m wrong, but “…they did so much better than me” really means they earned more money than me. But that wasn’t your metric or your goal. You are likely doing much much much better than them in terms of family bliss or personal fulfillment.
and as a smart cookie, I’m sure you know exactly what path you could have taken to get to a similar spot- but that wasn’t what was driving you. That’s a GOOD thing! Money is important but not in any way meaningful and can often drain your life of joy.
TheGoonSquad612@reddit
While I agree with the sentiment about OPs own life, You have exactly no insight into what those other people’s lives are like. There is no basis for claiming people who own a business or have successful careers aren’t happy in their personal lives.
That said, OP clearly prioritized stuff outside of work, which is perfectly reasonable and a completely valid form of success in its own right.
Prestigious-Emu5277@reddit
Well I’m just trying to help OP refrain from despair. But that’s true. Those stoners could be the happiest executives in human history and I would have no idea.
bamed@reddit
Success is measured in contentment, not dollars.
absentlyric@reddit
Amen to this, if you saw how my coworkers lived versus how I live, you wouldn't know we work at the same place. They live in that upper middle class life on the lakes. I have an old tiny 2 bedroom house in the working class part of town.
The difference? They chase every overtime dollar they can get, they work 7 days a week sometimes 12 hours a day. I work 32 hours a week and a 3 day weekend due to my FMLA.
I sleep like a baby, and wake up happy, I love my small simple life. It also helped I didn't have kids and they did. I love being at home though, I don't want to live at work.
Adrasteia-One@reddit
It's taken me a long time to fully realize this. I work a government job that doesn't pay very well salary-wise, but the benefits, pension, and work-life balance are the real perks. I get to enjoy time with my family after work hours and on weekends, so those are things I appreciate and will in the future.
gandolfthe@reddit
It's also easy to ignore that someone working 60-70 hours a week is making more than your standard 37.5 hours. When I look back, yeah of course I was making way more but it was always work, work, work. The govt job with set hours and at quiting time it's done it invaluable
Adrasteia-One@reddit
True, the number of hours worked is a big thing that makes a difference. I wouldn't feel that earning more money while having to work insane hours would be worth it.
ReplaceSelect@reddit
I have a part time position that’s basically supervising/teaching new graduates. We are in a high paying field, and it’s still hard to get some of them to learn that. They look at some people as a success when they’re working themselves to death. It’s not uncommon for those people to crash out. It’s usually drugs, but cheating on their SO is probably as common of a way to fuck up their lives.
Specialist-Leek8645@reddit
Well-said. Obvious things often bear repeating.
Fun-Preparation-4253@reddit
Yeah, I was one of those Gifted And Talented kids (in a school system that couldn't afford the program). I have friends pulling 6 figures while I just started making a thriving wage as a Shop/Maker Space coordinator. Best I can tell... I'm happier.
Future-Raisin3781@reddit
Same here, generally. I had a career for a long time but I left that a few years ago when the world took a giant shit.
I'm a lot happier now. My wife is my reality check, and she helped me really appreciate how much better of a person I am than I was for the last few years in that career. It was a financial hit, but we could afford it and we both agree that it was 100% the right move. No amount of money is worth the suffering and bullshit I was experiencing back then.
Specialist-Leek8645@reddit
upvote for "the world took a giant shit."
Fun-Preparation-4253@reddit
My wife has always been the bread winner, but only because she fell into a position that became a career. I doubt she dreamed of being a student engagement coordinator. But now she's been doing it for 20 years and has a "Director" title. She keeps me grounded. I would love to have more of a cash flow, but we don't need it. Honestly, more money would just equal more expenses. Which is weird to think about because, overall, our lives wouldn't change.
But yeah, her in laws are all corporate drones making stupid money, and they just seem exhausted.
MetaverseLiz@reddit
I had a wealthy friend growing up that was in the gifted and talented program. They were not gifted and talented, they just had money and a mom that worked for the program she was in.
Accomplished-Key-408@reddit
I wouldnt presume anyone is doing better than anyone else in terms of work life balance. Lits of successful people also have good work life balance too. You can make really good money without working too many hours withcthe right career.
TheGoonSquad612@reddit
Said the exact same thing in response.
trademarktower@reddit (OP)
Yes, I definitely passed up opportunities because I didn't want the stress or long hours or how it would have been bad for my kids. I made the right decision for me but also have to accept the consequences to that. I'm now professionally stuck and the lucrative opportunities are gone now. That ship has sailed.
WitchesCotillion@reddit
I went back to grad school at 45 and totally changed careers. It’s not too late to do something different (and lucrative) if you want.
IkidIgoat@reddit
Put an amount of money you’re willing to lose into the stock market, do some research and play around a bit. You never know.
Independent_Leg3957@reddit
Yes, I have two cousins who are wildly different. One has a fairly basic government admin job but it's flexible, has benefits and a pension. When her kids were young she got to take the summers off (with a pay cut).
In contrast, I have a cousin who is CEO of a huge fortune 500 company. When I told her my other cousin spends the summers with her kids I saw a look of regret on her face that told me so much.
ki11a11hippies@reddit
I’m this guy. Tested 99% all my young life, went to the best STEM high school, was lazy because all the early success came easily, and watched my classmates surpass me career-wise throughout the years. Don’t get me wrong, I made a bit of money in tech, but never hit the home runs that other people hit. I’ve come to terms with that because I’m very happy in my personal life and haven’t had to go through divorces, etc.
Postcrapitalism@reddit
Unless you went into academia or got a professional degree, there’s probably an inverse correlation between achievement in capitalism and intelligence.
NW_Forester@reddit
I'm sort of there. My graduating superlative was most likely to succeed and in HS everyone told me I was either going to be a doctor or a lawyer or a business owner. But I always told people my goal was to retire by age 50.
One of my friends is a doctor in sports medicine and has been on multiple podcasts in the "manosphere" and has been name dropped on Joe Rogan. He makes like 3x what I do but last we talked he still had a negative networth from college and I had just recently passed the $1m mark.
So yeah, a lot of my peers think I didn't live up to my potential but I'll be retired in a bungalow in La Jolle while they are have 15-20 years of work left.
trademarktower@reddit (OP)
At the end of that, that is called winning. They may never be able to retire on their own terms. Many will get laid off in their 50's and never recover and be forced tocobble together menial jobs with social security to pay the bills in old age.
shiftdown@reddit
I wasn't a stoner or anything but just never had much interest in school. My drug was chasing girls. I dropped out of HS my junior year working shitty little entry level jobs but enjoying life being a complete slut. Eventually at 26 went back and finished highschool to get my diploma. I talked my way into a cozy office job at 33 and have been there about a decade now. It's not prestigious, but my family and I live quite comfortably in a nice neighborhood.
FI_321@reddit
I barely graduated high school, no college, and over achieved career wise. Well, maybe more like over achieved with investing. Became wealthy enough to early retire very comfortably.
Mysterious_Fennel459@reddit
I learned pretty early to quit comparing myself to people around me because you'll just end up getting jealous of people and stressing yourself out.
ShogunFirebeard@reddit
Put some perspective on things. People that are high achievers in school generally are not risk takers. You have to be a risk taker to reap the financial rewards. Playing it safe doesn't generally lead to massive paydays. Our parents tried to tie school success to financial success which can be true for certain fields, but generally not for a lot of them.
Additionally, you're viewing their worlds through a heavily curated lens. You are seeing what THEY want you to see. You don't know if they are drowning in debt to fund their lifestyle.
Notredamus1@reddit
Opposite for me. I almost failed out of high school. I had to attend summer school every summer and barely graduated on time. I went to junior college and was almost academically disqualified. But I got myself straightened out and was able to get a job in law enforcement. I eventually went back to school and became a lawyer.
OkInvestigator7893@reddit
i was an AP classes & high honors kid, but i also had a passion for performing arts, which my supportive parents allowed me to follow. i had a string of service/retail jobs for a while but quit my last "day job" at age 29 to pursue music full time. 13 years later i'm probably worse off financially than the majority of my classmates, but i've managed to create a life that works well for me, and i get to spend most of my time on tasks that feel meaningful.
KingdomOfFawg@reddit
I think the stoners and some of the other types didn’t get beat over the head with the academics, sports, doing what you’re told will fast track you to success. Also, I knew a lot of stoners that had well connected professionals as parents, and that helped as young adults.
night-swimming704@reddit
Looking back at this from 40+, the “well connected professionals as parents” helped more than anything. Not just the connections, but being able advise their kids on how to navigate the professional world.
Neither of my parents had any experience in the corporate world and I spent a good decade just trying to learn how to succeed. I stayed in shitty jobs with shitty bosses far too long thinking the whole “work hard and prove yourself” would pay off. Once I figured that shit out, I started doing pretty well for myself but I definitely lost that most important decade of wages and savings.
Meanwhile my friends who had parents who had succeeded in the corporate world were the ones who were selective about where they worked and who they worked for. They played the game and moved up quickly.
KingdomOfFawg@reddit
It’s called “first generation professional”. I had the same thing. They really pushed the gifted narrative, but if you’re smart and talented, you need guidance on how to use it, not extra curriculum about the Mayans. It was a rough scenario growing up lower middle class and being in the gifted program with kids who had well educated parents with more resources.
cliftondon@reddit
This is a great comment and resonates with me so much. I often describe myself as FGLI (first generation, low income) in a student sense, but as a person making my way in the professional world, I realize now I was many steps behind others. College for people like us is not the time to “find yourself.” I thought the degree would unlock lots of opportunities, but had no context on how to maximize it for my career and financial future. We also didn’t have the option of doing unpaid work, which put us at a huge disadvantage. Why was I setting my sights on $25K editorial assistant jobs? Because I was good at reading and writing and majored in English? So stupid of me in retrospect. I needed someone to tell me. I should have been getting better grades in a more refined set of courses (drop those stupid science courses that dragged my GPA down!), doing internships, studying finance or economics, taking the GRE, and applying to law school or business school. Even my choice of school was dumb - great financial aid package but a rural party school filled with rich and well connected kids who had none of my challenges. Then getting to the workforce and being treated like gum on someone’s shoe. Tolerating so much bs and abuse. Oh, to go back and understand better the world I was actually living in. Unfortunately, it takes people with insight to guide you.
Specialist-Leek8645@reddit
Hindsight is 20/20 as they say.
Specialist-Leek8645@reddit
I had one uncle who was good with finances. Everyone else just did the best they could. He gave me lessons on stocks, interest etc. I'm thankful, but none of it worked without startup capital. Was never able to earn enough to both invest and live. I wasted a lot of money in my 20s and 30s but at least it was junk and not avocados. ;D
I try to justify much of it as Adult Startup Expenses. I had to get my own cookware and it's still going strong. Still, I feel like maybe I should have gotten cheaper pans and replaced them by now. Is that just Millennial gaslighting? Are we allowed to have nice things? lol
Ineedavodka2019@reddit
Same. I’m trying to give my kids the leg up y parents couldn’t give me. I also made sure to tell them a lot of success isn’t what you know, it’s who you know.
LilMushboom@reddit
Yup, nepotism is alive and well. "It's not what you know, it's who you know"
KoolAndBlue@reddit
I’m 42 and have built quite a nice life for myself with a good home and family. But I will be the first to admit that the only reason I have my life is because my Dad helped me get a job in my company. It’s an old school government job for the county and is one of the few places that still offers a pension upon retirement. Worked there for 20 years now and will be stacked with cash when I retire.
I have absolutely no clue where I would be right now if it weren’t for my Dad pulling strings for me. Once I got in the door I worked hard, did my job and showed up on time. I never once asked my Dad to get me out of trouble and I’m good at what I do. But the main reason it all happened in the first place was because I was lucky to know someone.
yourlittlebirdie@reddit
I don’t think that’s really nepotism though. Trust is important, and I’m more likely to trust someone I know than someone I don’t. Would you rather hire a total stranger where all you know about them is from a piece of paper and a 60 minute interview, or someone who a former colleague you liked a lot says “oh yea Mushboom is great! He’s super smart and a great guy to work with”?
gandolfthe@reddit
Also the ones with wealthy enough parents can afford to quitz to fail, to walk out and their rent is still paidz food is rolling in. Shit, I can think of more than a few through the years that just quit a corporate job and went and hung out in Europe for a few months thanks to parents money and then landed somewhere else after with a huge raise
yourlittlebirdie@reddit
More than anything, I wish someone had taught me long ago that relationships are the single most important factor in career success. It doesn’t matter how good you are at your job if either no one knows about it or no one wants to work with you.
New_me_310@reddit
As a former stoner, I can say that people discount the dedication and determination it takes to be so committed to a substance. Weed doesn't just fall into your lap (especially pre-legislation). It involves sticking with a task, persistence, follow through, problem solving, etc. You may be laughing but these traits bode well for adulting too. Those of us who smoked every day know how to fixate on a goal and stick with it until success.
night-swimming704@reddit
I’d love to be in a job interview where you use one of the stupid interview questions as a segue to talk about how being a stoner has helped you be successful in your career.
thehakujin82@reddit
This is a huge bingo that has played out quite a bit among my graduating class (2000) at my rather smallish town high school. Some knew they didn’t have to try, because college and connections were waiting regardless. Just how it is.
CommandAlternative10@reddit
A guy I dated briefly in high school spent ten years in college protesting globalization and working through drug addiction. When he finally sorted himself out he got a job at his dad’s investment bank, of course. Nice guy, but yeah, the right parents are the ultimate back-up plan.
OscarDivine@reddit
I was the opposite I was B-A student in High School, got to college, discovered I was ADHD and got proper treatment, aced my last two years of school and went on to become an eye doctor. That discovery alone fixed my entire life trajectory. Back in the 80’s they blamed sugary cereals. Poppycock
tres-vip@reddit
Yes. I even got into the toughest, most prestigious universities (I have multiple degrees), but I have never been able to build the type of career I and others expected. Not from lack of trying, but I got knocked out during the Great Recession, and have just never been able to get back onto my feet. NGL that I do embarrassed by where I ended up. Not where I thought I would be 20 years ago.
marmot1101@reddit
I was a weird in between. I could ace tests. Mostly read the books. Hated doing busywork. Did fine on essays but wouldn't even look at worksheets. Got even "worse" when I was in full stoner phase.
I had a good government job that I could have stayed at from 18-65. But it was basically filling out worksheets all day. While I wasn't ambitious as a high schooler when I looked around the room at people who'd hated every day at work and just stayed for the large amount of being paid to not be there(4 weeks vacation, 17 paid holidays, 8 sick and personal days once you maxed out), I all the sudden got ambitious.
You may have been tutoring secret smart kids who lacked confidence or motivation. Just short of being able to full coast like I(and it sounds like you) could do. If I had a nickel for every time I head "man, if I was smart like you" from stoner friends I'd be rich. They weren't dumb, just defiant. Mostly, some were dumb as bricks self admittedly.
_ism_@reddit
hi yeah undiagnosed gifted kid autism here, burnt out as soon as i left home. had no carreer. had nothing but trouble. got a brain injury at 35, sealing my fate
Pink_Peach_Blossoms@reddit
I can't believe there aren't more late diagnosed Autistic and ADHD people here. Turns out networking and schmoozing are WAY more important than academics. I'm a completely burnt out housewife.
Aronacus@reddit
I know quite a few of them.
Kid I went to school with had an IQ off the charts. Parents had him and his sister reading classic literature, (Moby Dick, etc) kid could have been god-tier. Got into music and drugs and every now and again pings me to buy a CD.
He does this genre of Avant garde music where it just ... it just sounds like noise to me. His new band is on Spotify, So, I'll play their albums with my volume on 0. Just to help him out.
Pink_Peach_Blossoms@reddit
Knew a similar kid. I think he started College as almost a junior because he had so much AP credit. Got into raves and drugs and run-ins with law enforcement.
bitwarrior80@reddit
I never took high-school very seriously, but I did well enough to graduate. I had no urge to jump straight into higher education, so I worked crappy jobs and attended community College until I turned 21 and I turned it around. I was working at a small town car dealership with a bunch of 30 year old dropouts and the realization of ending up like them gave me a massive anxiety attack. After that, I became a straight A student at CC and transferred to design school where I graduated top of class. Now I get to design cars.
wantonseedstitch@reddit
I was salutatorian of my high school class and graduated from a good college magna cum laude. I think everyone expected me to become, like, a high-powered State Department person or something. I ended up working in a university's fundraising department (not as a fundraiser, in a back office role). I am perfectly happy: it's a great place to work, I make pretty good money for the nonprofit world, benefits are great, I have a decent work/life balance, and I lead a really great team of people. It's one of those jobs no one even knows about when they first start thinking about a career (I always say, "no one says, 'I want to be a prospect researcher when I grow up,'") but it's actually a great fit for my strengths and I really enjoy the management aspect as well.
Steel1000@reddit
Family member has degrees from the best schools in the country. And is MISERABLE and making less than my marker and glue sniffing failed Cub Scout ass.
Drive > bookmarks
amazonhelpless@reddit
Undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety. 🙋♂️
Day2205@reddit
Yep, insanely smart, went to a highly selective undergrad and mba program, middling career that I could’ve attained without the MBA. I don’t have the desire to make the time tradeoffs peers have made nor do I have the temperament for the politics required to climb the corporate ladder. That said, I have achieved my goal annual comp, but I see how much higher it could go if I at least pushed to become a director.
Jonestown_Juice@reddit
Yes. Was in gifted, honors, and advanced classes through middle and high school. I was also a member of the academic decathlon and other clubs.
I was selected by teachers to enter scholarship programs since my family was poor and my parents were abusive drug-addicts. But I just didn't want to do any of that. I couldn't ever picture myself being successful and "normal". It felt like I didn't deserve it and that I wasn't the same kind of person as the other kids in those classes/programs.
I hated school even though I was good at it. All I wanted to do with my life was hang out in the woods and read books and be left alone.
Once I was 18, I just stopped trying in school. I wanted out. I never felt comfortable around people and hated their expectations of me.
I had some close calls mental health-wise and still struggle with it but I made it, I guess.
Ryanookami@reddit
Your story really resonates with me. I also hated school and just wanted to take the books I loved and go find a good place to curl up and expand my mind in the directions I wanted to go. I was never comfortable around others either, and hated when teachers used my work as examples to other students because what they didn’t realize was that they were just further ostracizing me.
I’ve also had some major brushes with mental health. Went to a hospital for a couple of months when I was 19 for excessive anxiety. Might not be the same as your troubles, but I still can relate somewhat to the struggle to control something in your head that refuses to just shut up and behave.
I sincerely hope you only continue to get better and better and that you find whatever it is that makes you happiest. All my fondest wishes for a bright future to you, random internet friend!
Jonestown_Juice@reddit
Thank you. You too 😄
fuzzydice82@reddit
There are a lot of factors that play into where people are today.
You don't know who had advantages that you didn't have, nor do you know what those advantages were.
A lot of people that have parents or grandparents that help them out financially or in their career will never tell you so.
Most media portrayals of children of financially successful people present them as entitled jerks because it creates drama in a fictional story. In actuality, there are a lot of children of successful people that are also intelligent, driven, resourceful, etc. And the parents of those children usually want better for their kids than they had themselves.
Therefore, you have situations where someone's parents/grandparents paid for their college, so they start their adult life with no debt.
Or you have parents/grandparents who put down a large down payment on the person's first house. (Or outright buys it for them.)
Or the parent/grandparent is a respected member of a certain profession that helps a person get their first (second, or third) job.
Those vacations you always see them posting about on Facebook? Their parents may have paid for the whole family to go, but your friend/acquaintance is only posting the pictures that include them and their own kids.
That friend/acquaintance who always has such nice jewelry and handbags? Could easily be borrowed from mom/grandma's closet.
I'm not saying that everyone had a "fairy godmother" help them with every facet of their life, but I'd imagine that the people who you think are doing a lot better than you had a lot of help along the way.
Ok_Concentrate4461@reddit
I was one of those gifted kids. I’m a teacher with two masters now and struggling financially bc our economy sucks and my husband can’t find a job. I don’t know what most people from my high school are doing, but one of my gifted peers is a swim coach for a small local team and one married well and only works a little.
I’m happy in life. Especially now that it’s summer. 😅 I don’t make much money but I’m happy and my kids are awesome and we all have great relationships
KingAbeFromanChicago@reddit
Lol, considering I just lost my 3rd job in 3 years and I'm job searching again, I feel you. I was always the smartest kid in grade school, but was known for being smart but lazy in high school. Killed it in college, then the wheels came off. I have a great partner and kids, but can't seem to find a job that fits and pays the bills. It fucking sucks.
Snowpant@reddit
Graduated top of my class, got 3 degrees up through phd and now have a relatively low paying job at a university. I value my time over the money so the 4.5 months off a year is great. I can do this because my partner who never went to college makes over 200k. I know some I went to hs with, that weren’t great at school, never went to college and now run multiple successful businesses and are quite well off. I think these people have great social skills, and a strong natural business acumen which isn’t something that can’t be taught.
Due-Reflection-1835@reddit
Oh yeah. I was in honors classes, did well throughout most of school without really trying. It was assumed that I would go to college but I never did. My mom was sick and I was taking care of her way too young without much help, by the time she needed round the clock care I was so burned out I pretty much just partied for a few years. Of course I just found out last year that I have ADHD and it makes so much sense. It's innatentive and since I did well in school it was totally missed. I've had several brushes with death and I'm just lucky to be alive at all...oh well, maybe I'll "live up to my potential" in my next life lol
Alexandertheape@reddit
like…all of us
hdorsettcase@reddit
The smart kids didn't go into business and didn't always get rich. Scientists, artists, musicians, and doctors yes. Some live very simply to do what they enjoy. Some live very well. Most put more work into their careers than they finavially got out of it.
Now people who went into business, finance, and management made money. They weren't always the smartest, but they wanted to live well. They still had plans, often more than the smart kids.
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
High school and 3 college diplomas/degrees. With honours.
I'm worthless.
Dosty913@reddit
Opposite side of the equation here… doing just fine after barely getting bye in high school because I am weird in too many ways and had to figure out how to fit into society as I couldn’t be bothered to care previously 🤷
Hynch@reddit
I was a “gifted” kid and really excelled in elementary and junior high. When I got to high school I got tired of homework and stopped doing it. I also dropped all my honors classes. My teachers had a meeting with my parents about how I wasn’t living up to my potential and my mom was like “So what? It’s high school” and that was that. What I took away from that whole experience was that I like learning and being challenged, but I hate busy work. Now I’m almost a big deal in the industry I’m in, so I guess it all worked out.
Healthy-Neat-2989@reddit
I sometimes struggle with this, and other times I don’t. School was so easy for me. I enjoyed standardized tests. I don’t think I’ve ever had a better dopamine hit than getting those 99th percentile results, still. But we had family strife from about age 17 to 22, and I let my feuding parents make decisions for me that were awful. I didn’t realize then that I could decide for myself. And after that I became very bitter about effort… I felt like all my effort went up in smoke so what was the point? I graduated and then just did odd jobs while I moved around seeking adventure, not effort. Now, my high school friends who are lawyers and CPAs… they make so much money, but they don’t seem any happier than me. I’ve travelled the world, I’ve put my kid first, I’ve truly enjoyed having a lot of free time, and I’m financially comfortable, even if I’m not driving a luxury sedan or flying first class. My job is fulfilling, and part time. I feel like I really lived my life, not just worked it. Sometimes I feel like a failure because there are more pieces of paper telling everyone how smart and accomplished I am like report cards and test results did, but I remind myself that I don’t want the kind of success that comes with adult accolades on paper - not at the cost of enjoying my life. My son asked me what I’ll do when I retire, and I said, “Same thing I do now! Travel, hobbies, read, walk the dog in the woods… I don’t have to wait to live the life I want. I’m already doing it.” I need to remember that conversation on the days I feel down on myself.
Abidarthegreat@reddit
Comparison is the thief of joy.
I have found that almost no one lives up to their expectations because when we were young we were told/believe we could do anything. It's hard to live up to infinity.
And it definitely didn't help that no one told us what we needed to do to grab those dreams. Probably because they don't know either else they would have done it.
Learn to be happy with what you have or put in the work to get more. The internet is a great resource to better yourself if you really want it.
59apache01@reddit
Kind of. I did well academically in high school and college and I got a decent job in my field after graduation.
The only part where I feel like it could have been better is there's been very little upward mobility. People stay in the senior level positions forever and then on the rare chance one retires, their position is filled by nepotism, not by qualifications.
WatermelonCheeks@reddit
Opposite for me. Could not have cared less in school but found success in life.
MiniTab@reddit
Same. I fucking hated high school. I had lots of friends, just the school part sucked ass. I am a HS dropout with a GED.
I then went to community college and absolutely LOVED it. I transferred to a renowned engineering school and graduated with honors. I’m now an airline pilot with a large international airline and love my job.
Absolutely nobody in HS would’ve ever thought I’d become the person I am. Interestingly, my brother had a similar track. We also grew up lower class, and had a pretty abusive upbringing as teenagers.
I honestly have no clue why I loved college and hated HS. The only thing I can think of is that I was able to flourish once out of the abusive household.
Professional_Bed_87@reddit
Comparison is the thief of joy. I was very bright in school. I’ve had family members tell me I haven’t lived up to my potential, but I also have never been overly driven by career success or money. I am in a place now in my 40s where I have decent career that isn’t overly taxing, but feels meaningful, a beautiful family, home in a decent neighborhood, we do nice (but modest) vacations and I time for my hobbies and friends. I would say I am content. Have many of my highschool peers done better than me financially? Heck yes. Could I have done better career-wise? absolutely! Does it bug me sometimes? Yes. But I try to focus on what is great about my life and enjoy.
BigDaddyUKW@reddit
There are plenty of my classmates doing much better than me financially. There are also plenty that are worse off. I chose a similar path as you. I wasn't "lazy" so much as burnt out from being a "gifted" kid in middle school. In 5th and 6th grade I did more homework than I probably did the remainder of my academic career from 7th grade through college. My high school motto was "I don't do homework". I was so effed up by doing 2-3 hours of homework in those early years that I had no desire to do anything above the bare minimum, though I was able to crush the Regents exams as all you had to do was memorize old tests and you would get a 90+. This definitely didn't help me in college, nor did my pursuit of a degree in education that I found out I wasn't cut out for during my junior year.
With all that said, I had no idea back then that I would end up in telecom for my entire adult life. It's made ends meet, I have a wife and a healthy 7 year old boy who shares many of the same interests as me. Life isn't bad at all. However, at 45 I'm finally pondering doing a 180 in my professional life and looking to get into a more lucrative profession. I guess my take is that you shouldn't judge your life based on others' accomplishments, but how happy you are with your own life. If you're cool with what you are and what you have, then you won! If you want to make a change or two, go for it! You only get one life, make the most of it. Cheers friend.
nomad1128@reddit
Intelligence is very important early on, and decreases in importance over time. Ability to handle stress is less important in the beginning and grows more important over time.
PhiloLibrarian@reddit
I think I’ve done fine
Ryanookami@reddit
Totally. I was in the top 2% of my graduating class, scored in the 90s consistently , was in Gifted programs, the whole shebang. Yet I never found a passion. I didn’t go to college or university because I couldn’t imagine going into immense debt to study something I wasn’t passionate about and lock myself into a career that I might hate for the rest of my life. So I went right into the job market. Been working in the grocery store business for twenty years now, and while I actually like my work, I know that people often consider people in retail to be failures and low achievers. I constantly wonder how life would be different if only I could have found something at college to excite me, something I’d be willing to go into lifelong debt for. Instead I bought a house, and that’s the debt I carry on my back instead. It is what it is.
trademarktower@reddit (OP)
It's never too late to take some classes at community college to find some passion. Low cost and many accessible to working people with online options.
Ryanookami@reddit
Very true. I’ve actually been considering enrolling in an ASL class. My mother is getting older, and I think going to learn sign language together would be good bonding and also help us communicate more easily. It’s not necessarily a job skill, but it would still definitely be an asset.
trademarktower@reddit (OP)
Yup, after she survibed a cancer scare my Aunt quit her big corporate job to go to community college to learn more about horticulture and landscape design because she loved gardening so much. She did it just because it made her happy.
SLorma@reddit
I work a service wage-y job after staying home with my kids for a long damn time. Before having them I was on the way to getting a master's degree and working in public health.
It's whatever. I think listening to microsoft teams all day would drive my ADHD brain insane though. Trade-offs.
Evan_802Vines@reddit
Picking the wrong major will kill any earning potential gained through HS. Even doing well in that major can't make up for it. I had to go back for engineering.
sciencey_scully@reddit
GT kid here: I absolutely flopped the first time I went to college right out of high school. I almost didn't graduate and was on academic probation constantly (never learned how to do the work since it was always easy for me up until then). I ended up being blessed to have married an electrical engineer, so I could be a stay at home mom. Once my daughter hit middle school, I realized she would be flying the nest soon and I needed to figure out what I wanted to do 'when I grew up.' So I went back to school and finally fulfilled the academic potential I was told I had in elementary school. Now I'm getting my master's in genetic counseling! It's been interesting seeing how others from high school are doing, but I feel like at this point we have all lived several lives since high school so there's no way to truly judge how 'successful' or 'happy' everyone is, especially just from social media.
tc_cad@reddit
I’ve never been financially successful, just happy and that’s likely the better way to live. Having some struggle and achievements feel good.
waffler36@reddit
Opposite for me. I slacked in high school but still managed to pull mostly C's. I brought that same slacker energy to college and got my first ever F. It woke me up honestly, and I became a mostly A student. I wouldn't say I'm majorly successful now but I'm definitely doing well.
DrMasterBlaster@reddit
There are several people who were just absolute geniuses in HS that were teachers, SAHMs, or worked for/owned a landscaping company.
Not to say that those careers choices are poor, but common thought at the time was that these kids were going to cure cancer or create some new, fantastic technology.
ZeusBruce@reddit
Several of my HS friends are dead or in prison, a couple went MAGA (wtf), and most of the rest failed at life and would be homeless if they weren't still living with their parents.
"It could always be worse" is cold comfort but some days you just gotta count your blessings.
Beanz4ever@reddit
Yah. Diagnosed with ADHD as a 38 year-old woman some years back…
nahmahnahm@reddit
Haha! Yeah… I was going off to NYC to be a big time corporate lawyer. And now I’m middle management at a large company. Living by the WTC on 9/11 royally fucked my mental health but we had no idea what that meant 25 years ago. Never made it to law school because my grades were so bad in undergrad. Whatever, I’m content with my life now and that’s all that matters.
dropyopanties@reddit
I was academically weak. I rode the short bus and was in special ed in the 80s. lol. Today i own two businesses with 41 employees, i live on island and get to travel regularly. Im 48 yrs old and have autonomy over my time and the direction of my life. It took me a while to get here. I never went to college but ive always been a risk taker. I made some good decisions a long with some dumb ones over the years. Ultimately it came down to recognizing an opportunity, taking the chance, and getting lucky.
NotAnotherThing@reddit
I didn't fail to live up to "expectations", those "expectations" belonged to other people not to me. I have lived by the choices I have made.
darkwillow1980@reddit
HontoRenata@reddit
How many of those stoners had trust funds to tide them over till they decided to grow up?
WritingNerdy@reddit
Chronic illness is a bummer
oscarbutnotthegrouch@reddit
I am about your age. Family of 4. I was an excellent student in HS and college. I had an excellent job offer out of college at a fortune 500 company that was a fast track to huge salaries. I turned it down.
My household income is very middle of the road compared to my same age peers n. The thing is, I have been living a frugal lifestyle and saving since I was 15.
I work 10 to 15 hours per week and my partner works 9 months per year.
Our life is awesome but by your metrics, we are not overly successful.
Ok-Criticism6874@reddit
Nope, a loser then and a loser now!
DickBurns01@reddit
Same but I had an 18 year stretch where I raised a kid. Now I'm back!
Ok-Criticism6874@reddit
How high did you get them?
ButtSluts9@reddit
blamberr@reddit
Same
nooks-n-crannies@reddit
I was always in advanced classes, had high grades, always tested well, maintained good attendance. I also had zero guidance in life about where to point my abilities and how to choose a career or find a calling, not even from my "guidance" counselor, who's only advice ever was to keep my grades up and go to college. I worked in my uncle's restaurant during summers and ended up there full time after graduation while I figured things out. 30 years later and I'm still working in this godawful industry
--Citation-Needed--@reddit
I was really good a getting good grades in high school. Never had to study. Graduated in top 7% of my class.
My straight As from high school turned into mostly Cs (and the occasional D) in college. Partly because I didn't know how to study and partly because I spent way too much time playing computer games.
And since I never figured out what I want to be when I grow up, I've just sort of drifted through my career.
My job now is fine. It pays pretty well and I've been doing it long enough that it's easy and my coworkers respect me. But it's not my passion. It's not really fulfilling. I clock in, do some work, fart around on Reddit, clock out, and go home.
It's definitely not what I was led to believe I would be doing back when I was in high school and everyone was telling me how smart I am.
GarglesNinePoolBalls@reddit
That’s me, according to some.
Throughout my career, I’ve prioritized family, work-life balance, and my own curiosity. That has led me to some incredible decisions that most can’t understand.
I got accepted to Berkeley out of high school. I went to junior college instead. My special needs brother was in a rough spot. I wanted to stay closer to home until he was in a better place.
I got accepted to Stanford for grad school. Instead, I moved across the world to stay with my girlfriend. She had to go back to her country after her student visa expired. I knew she was special. The great romance of my life. I knew I’d regret it forever if I let her slip away. We’ve been married for 20 years now.
Years later, I got accepted to MIT for grad school. Around the same time, I was offered my dream job at Stanford. Also, my wife was extremely pregnant and I didn’t want to move us across the country. So I took the job, even though it didn’t pay much.
I’m in a good situation now. I have a lucrative salary, doing interesting work. But so many people look at my decisions with disgust. They expected me to become a titan of industry. They look at me like I threw away multiple winning lottery tickets.
I don’t really see it that way. I have some very ambitious, very rich, very miserable people in my family. I didn’t want to wind up like them.
CoyoteDown@reddit
It’s a travesty we didn’t know as much about ADHD then as we do today
DarksunDaFirst@reddit
Academically strong in college too.
Barely a career in what I wanted to do, settled in a simple logistics/supply chain role.
TheBr0fessor@reddit
Come on over to r/aftergifted
there are dozens of us
knosmo78@reddit
Ah, the perils of being a Gifted and Talented kid in school. I graduated in 96, completed my associate's degree, and have been working ever since. I'm reasonably smart but not nearly as successful as many others. I chose to work in administration, and that's tough right now.
However, toxic marriage aside, I feel like good things are coming. Even if I have to start over.
Road-Mundane@reddit
Seems like there are lots of different experiences. I never had to work for grades in high school. It was all very easy for me. Once I got to college, a combination of being away from home and the fact that I never had to work hard in High school, led me to dropping out after a year.
I floundered around in my 20s with low paying IT jobs. In my 30s, I found a position that paid ok but also allowed me to go back to college. Made it though college fairly easily the second time around. I've moved up in the company that I work for and do very well now.
Here's one thing though, it never feels like enough. Family, success, money: I never really feel like I've made it. Always feels like an imposter. I've learned that I'm ADD and have extreme social anxiety. I'm not even sure I want to go to my 25th.
Mudcreek47@reddit
I totally coasted in High School. Straight As, never did homework. I was always good at Physics and Math so enrolled in engineering school for college. Never being challenged in HS made college tough. Had to completely re-learn how to study and just give the professors what they wanted.
A few years and couple jobs after graduation ended up in a dead-end inside sales job for a shitty valve sales company which SUCKED. My 2 outside sales guys never knew what was going on, yet always snagged awards for new accounts & quarterly sales (which I managed as the "guy in the chair"). Zero recognition for my efforts and eventually got let go. Layoffs and manager changeover was rampant at that place.
After a month or two of searching, landed a project management gig with a global company (Corporate HQ in Brazil & US HQ in Atlanta), eventually switching to a sales role, which was a much better path for me. A boss there once told me when I was in my 20s, "for a smart young guy like you, sales is the way to go if you want to make the money you want to".
Flash forward many years now I'm an Account Manager with a global company (HQ Switzerland) which is just perfect for me. I'm happy in my job, if sometimes bored. But I make decent dough finally and I enjoy spending time with family & friends. I've also been blessed with super great bosss in my current gig.
Automatic_Beat5808@reddit
High school was a breeze for me and I never applied myself. Used my 20s to date inappropriate people and get drunk. I got a late start career-wise. Undergrad degree at 33, masters at 37. I was almost 40 before I got my first "adult" job, one with benefits and retirement. Before that it was service industry and secretarial.
I've realized now that I was very insecure as a young adult and never wanted to try because I thought I couldn't, wasn't good enough. And now... I wished I had done more. In hindsight I would have went on to get a PhD. I know, I know, I still could but I'm already 100K in student loans and I'm tired. I do what's expected of me at my job (post-secondary ed) and take it as easy as I can.
broadwayallday@reddit
went to a well regarded private school. did well on SAT's, got a full ride to college, ended up picking all late morning classes and evening classes. kept the required GPA, never partied hard, graduated with honors in 4 years. decades later, still don't have a good routine and have struggled off and on, thinking life would keep providing "scholarships" if you just do the work well. it does not. If I could do it over I'd be more social because that's what really opens doors. Not merit.
toodleoo77@reddit
r/aftergifted
tgbarbie@reddit
I was your typical G&T kid, top of the class, all the extra curriculars, always a "good girl," Ivy League grad, met my spouse in college. Had my dream career, was pretty ambitious, and then guess what? I had kids and my salary was a drop in the bucket of our HHI and now I work 3 days a week for a non profit. Not in management, not an executive, but i love my work and I LOVE my time. Every now and then I'm slightly envious of these kickass career women, especially my friends from college, but overall I'm pretty pleased with my choices.
ShakeItUpNowSugaree@reddit
It took me a while, but I found my path. I spent my twenties living like I wasn't going to live to see 30. I went to college. I got a (useless) degree. I had a LOT of fun. Went back to school. Got a more lucrative degree. Got a well-paying, stable job that I have a love-hate relationship with.
jar36@reddit
I scored in the top 5% in the standardized tests. I decided to deal weed and work in a factory over college. The intention for the job was just for summer help, but ended up getting hired on full-time and even tho I got good grades, I hated school. Movies about college didn't make it appealing to me either. Didn't matter how it was portrayed, I didn't want to be there.
I ended up in prison for hauling cannabis from AZ to OH.
A few years after getting out, I applied for assistance for some night courses sponsored by local factories. The funding wasn't going to be enough. Would have only covered half of it. I apologized for wasting their time. The case worker said let me talk to my supervisor. They said they never saw scores that high and fully funded the classes.
I ended up getting a call from one of the better paying factories in the area and got the job I was training for with opportunity to advance. Then my entire spine went to shit and I've been disabled since 2012.
Thankful that I got that job when it went bad, tho. Prior to that I was delivering for Pizza Hut. My disability check is not enough to live on, but it would have been even worse had I never gotten the better paying job, that I wouldn't have gotten if they didn't break the rules to fund my classes based on my test scores
sexwiththebabysitter@reddit
Same. Would get honors in high school with minimum effort. Was told in 8th grade I had the highest score on some aptitude test we all took. Coasted through college and got a BS in nutritional sciences. Been in a trade union for the past 22 years. Was just never really driven like some people. I’m happy, enjoy my job still, kids both in advanced placement in school. Maybe they’ll be more driven.
Dorkus_Mallorkus@reddit
Same here. And money really is just a part of what makes happiness/success. A friend of mine (who isn't the sharpest tool in the shed) married into wealth and owns a $3M+ house overlooking the ocean and by all appearances has a perfect life. Until you spend some time with them and realize the whole family hates each other and is miserable together. I'll take my modest lifestyle and happy, well-adjusted kids.
Omgkimwtf@reddit
Hard to say.
I was definitely one of the "smart kids"- Pre-AP, permission required academic electives, competed to get on the academic decathalon team, AP, etc., but never even close to the top 10% (though to be fair, my graduating class was over 1K students). There was a definite expectation in my school district that if you were AP, you went straight to a Good School after HS; I didn't. I went to acommunity college, then to a small state school in a different state.
I've been with my current employer for 15 years, make enough money to be considered low to mid middle class in my area, own my own home, and have almost no debt aside from my house & car. I'm not working an amazing high profile job or anything, but I'm definitely content & financially secure/stable.
salledattente@reddit
Me! But I'm not too upset about it. I was the smartest kid, full ride to university etc. Burned out in grad school, total existential crisis, and worked a menial job for a few years while trying to rebuild my identity and mental health. Ended up going back to school for a career with a reliable 9-5, so I can actually enjoy my life, hobbies and family. Now I'm a middle manager, with strong boundaries and an awareness of my resilience.
I feel it a bit when I see old friends from school days, but honestly this is what works for me.
Funkdamentalist@reddit
Oh boy have I ever failed! Was valedictorian of my graduating class, tip top of my entire faculty in university, even went back to college later and finished with a 97% average. Mental illness is a real son of a bitch! 🙃
MyNameIsNot_Molly@reddit
What OP describes is very common with neurodivergent people as well, especially ADHD and AuDHD.
The gifted child to burntout ND adult pipeline is well known.
mckmaus@reddit
I've got nothing but my pride. I'm ok with that.
gimmeslack12@reddit
Being smart == lots of potential
But converting on that potential is a different ballgame. That’s why I preach perseverance now as the primary trait that you should focus on.
Stratospheric-Ferret@reddit
Having the right connections and being lucky will get you 'success' as much as hard work.
One kid I knew in school was always fucking about and never cared, I found out in later years he didn't need to put the effort in as his dad had a successful company and he more or less walked into a directors job without needing to put the effort in.
Colour me surprised why he didn't care in school.
YoohooCthulhu@reddit
Does anyone live up to expectations? I have a Ph.D and work in a senior role in a small biotech startup, but I have acquaintances with a similar background who are law firm partners, famous university professors, and CEOs. I feel like wherever you are you can see a higher pillar towering above you that you haven't met.
mysecretissafe@reddit
Every day, my dude. Now that I’m in my mid 40s I’m finally realizing that all these ‘expectations’ didn’t really have anything to do with me as a person or how/what I wanted to achieve in life.
The horror (and anxiety), however, persists.
ShawnM_45@reddit
I was in all the honors courses in high school and most of us in those programs did ok. I am a lawyer and several others are lawyers, doctors, engineers, etc. Most surprising to me was that a few of the stoners who were not great in school did well too, you just never know.
TraditionalTackle1@reddit
I really dont pay attention to what others from high school are doing. Im happily married, own a home and go on vacation at least once a year. Thats good enough for me.
jsimsss@reddit
School was relatively easy for me so I never put forth a ton of effort. I was always into art as a young kid, tested into talented art classes in jr high and high school. Graduated, had no idea what to do, worked odd and end jobs and eventually enrolled into a local, affordable university. Discovered graphic design was a thing, fell in love with that. Graduated into the mobile app boom, became a product designer and crushed it for 15 years. Last month, myself and the entire design team were laid off because the CEO is confident anyone can vibe code and prompt design. Thinking about abandoning tech and going into trades now.
aspect-of-the-badger@reddit
The smart kid who was given full ride scholarships to and major engineering school dropped out after two months and became a martial arts instructor.
wollflour@reddit
I was G/T and breezed through even grad school. Put my nose to the grindstone for a couple of decades and have an exec role and six figures. But I hate it and I'm burnt out. Looking for a lower-stress exit strategy now. Life isn't something you win, it's a path to what works for you and within your values. I feel like I have a long way to go and it will involve earning less money and with a lower title before I can be happy!
Legitimate-Special36@reddit
I had to put zero effort into elementary school and had the highest average in every subject but one. High school was a rude awakening. The subject matter was just harder. I was a B+ student until my senior year. While everyone was fucking off as seniors, I dropped my lunch and my elective to take engineering prep courses because I was worried I wouldn't be able to cut it in college. I ended up a B student and graduated with a bachelor's in engineering.
Worked a few years in that industry and got laid off in 2010 when the economy was recovering from the crash in 2008. Never found my way back into engineering, but managed to find my way into enterprise IT. I've been a customer success manager for a managed cloud services provider for 13 years. It's not glamorous, but it pays the bills and allows me to enjoy my life. There's also room for learning and growth, so I'm not horribly bored. It's not the expected trajectory, but I have zero complaints.
No-Championship-8677@reddit
I have a master’s degree in history and am beginning a PhD program in the fall. High academic achiever my entire life. Never was interested in career and have muddled through with shitty jobs because I just don’t give a shit. I’d rather go with personal fulfillment because capitalism bores me.
That said I am currently the poorest I’ve ever been in my life so there are significant tradeoffs. I wish I had been motivated to become a high earner, but that ship has sailed.
mickeltee@reddit
This is pretty much how it goes for me too. I’ve got quite a few degrees, but I just can’t bring myself to care about money. I make enough to keep a roof over my head and food in my belly. After that I really don’t care. I’m sure some people would say I didn’t live up to my potential, but I don’t care.
SteelGemini@reddit
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I would have gladly traded some amount of ability for a better work ethic.
Academics came too easy to me. By high school, the only effort I continued to put in was to show up. Since I was there anyway, I would pay attention, retain what I was taught, and test well. Because grades were increasingly weighted towards tests, I would pass, but my grades would suffer because I would not do anything that involved work outside of school hours. I'd do well enough to get into Honors and AP classes, and did so, but not so well to impress any college admissions officers. You can also forget about any extracurricular activities. So I graduated fine, but the prospect of doing anything actually impressive was very slim.
The trouble is, deep down I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Somewhere along the way I partially accepted the truth that you cannot be perfect. I say partially, because rather than fully accept it and apply myself fully anyway, I just used not being able to achieve perfection as an excuse to not try in the first place. It's also the source of my chronic procrastination when it comes to things I cannot avoid doing. Often, I'll have enough competence to still do it well enough to impress people, but I'll still be dissatisfied knowing it's half-assed and imperfect.
I'm doing well enough in my career looking from the outside in, but I know I could, and maybe should, have done more. But maybe this was the right path for me after all.
Emotional_Warthog658@reddit
One benefit of going to private school was knowing all of those kids were going to be better off because they were beyond loaded vs solid middle class.
I got sick; and it put a wrecking ball through my life, but I am not dead(🎉) At least two of my friends can’t say the same
So I am not going to judge my success against someone in the Saudi family. Or Texas oil kids, or the girl who got adopted by crazy rich people, just to be sent to boarding school at 6 - I am just going to bounce back to my version of happy instead
RoyalZeal@reddit
Prioritizing work-life balance and family over making big bucks is actually the better choice. If you're making enough that your needs are met and you've got a good relationship with your family at home you're doing it right mate.
FoppyRETURNS@reddit
Definitely felt snakebitten, but intelligence is only one piece of the puzzle. Social IQ, knowing what to do and what to say is another big piece of the puzzle. I've seen a lot of crispy mouthpiece people get stuck after talking a big game because they had litetally nothing to back it up. Nepotism or hiring friends doesn't work when it blows up your spot.
What no one every mentions is the third piece of the puzzle, timing. (or "luck.") When the time is right, they'll hire absolutely anybody. When the timing is wrong, no amount of professional connections and good work are going to get you a leg up.
It just fucking sucks that only like one piece of the puzzle is completely in your control.
WitnessGlyph@reddit
School taught me that I'd never need to work hard or prep for anything. Being advanced young meant I was never paid any attention except to tell me I did a good job and maybe to ask if I'd help others get done too. I never learned how to stick with anything long term, never learned discipline, never learned how to study... If it didn't come naturally it never came.
I think most importantly I never had an ambitions to chase. Nothing bigger in my life to try and achieve.
GarnetGrapes@reddit
Kinda the opposite but I'm in my mid-forties and starting to notice some "off-ramp" stuff with really high achievers, especially moms with kids. Like they traded their PhD big pharma lab job to be a chemistry teacher or their director of blah blah job to be a parapro in an elementary. So some really ambitious peers did the bras ring thing for a while then dialed back.
realitythreek@reddit
Success is hard work and luck/opportunity.
a_seventh_knot@reddit
not sure what you mean by "live up to career expectations" as I didn't really have any career expectations. Did very well in school, got an engineering degree and work as an engineer now 😄 Not particularly ambitious on the career side and not a ladder climber. I just want to do my work and be left alone for the most part.
Ashamed_Context203@reddit
I think this sometimes depends where you are from. Most of the people who did well, went on to selective colleges/universities and are successful, now. I grew up in the North East of the US. I somehow managed to do ok, despite poverty and immigration status not being in my favor.
mistyayn@reddit
I didn't fail to live up to career expectations but I ended up recognizing that what I valued was killing me. Sometimes I still struggle with the thoughts that I failed because I was never successful career wise but I think if I had been I wouldn't have the beautiful relationships that I have.
Enough-Persimmon3921@reddit
I was begged by my Marine Biology teacher to join the Academic Decathlon, but I didn't want to spend all that time at school. After HS, I worked a series of dead end jobs until my mid 30s when I changed to something different. Now I work as a construction supervisor for a utility construction company. Definitely not where I thought I would be, but it pays the bills... barely.
mrekted@reddit
I have no idea what the majority of my high school class is doing. I know a huge chunk of them are still in the same town we all grew up in.. but I made tracks as soon as I was able and haven't really looked back.
jez_shreds_hard@reddit
I am kind of the opposite. I hung out with the wrong crowd in high school and missed a lot of classes towards the end. I was always naturally book smart, so I was able to maintain a decent GPA. After a bunch of friends got addicted to drugs and I had my own struggles, I got my act together in college and eventually went to grad school. I'm not a CEO or anything, but I have a good career and am pretty well off. If you would have met me in high school, I think you would have expected me to end up working at a gas station or something comparable (not that there is anything wrong with that).
larryb78@reddit
I was the one that rolled out of bed and got high test scores with minimal effort. High school was an absolute breeze, college slightly more challenging because I never developed any sort of study skills. Still I did well enough to get into law school which was where it all came back to haunt me. My inability to buckle down lead to pure disaster, massive panic attacks, and me dropping out after one semester. Got it together enough to earn a masters along with my teaching degree and I'm doing just fine but I'll always wonder what could have been if I'd been able to keep up with law school.
4luminate@reddit
Me. Sorta. I see it as failure. When I tell other people what I've accomplished, general response tends to be "holy shit, that's incredible."
That_Jicama2024@reddit
Never underestimate how rich and well-connected kids' parents are. I knew a guy whose mom was best friends with the EP of season 1 of American Idol. He got a management-level job on that show as his first ever show. Most people have to bust ass as a PA and work their way up for four years to get the gig he got right out of school with no experience.
CalliopePenelope@reddit
No. People from my high school subscribed very much to the “do enough to get by without being super successful” mentality. Most are now respectable lines of work (education, health care), but nobody was ever destined to be the next tech billionaire.
I was an overachiever in high school and went on to get two advanced degrees. That was motivated mainly by the economy and boredom and having no one else to support me financially, not some desire to excel and be super rich.
Oryx1300@reddit
High school is not a great proxy for real life success factors. It tends to reward people that can follow directions well, fall in line, be a joiner, etc. A lot of what makes you successful in your career is the opposite - having a critical and strategic perspective, the ability to work independently, to be a creative thinker, etc. There are a lot of people who are very smart and skilled that high school doesn't reward.
aroundincircles@reddit
Something I saw in my own family/cousins and friends at school is the kids who didn't have to struggle to get passing grades, and especially those that didn't have to struggle to excel never learned fortitude. and once things got hard in the real world, they didn't have the sticktoitness that you need to push through.
All the stoners I knew in high school are either dead, in jail, or barely surviving, so not sure how that example plays out, but the real success stories I know are those who worked hard in school and continued to work hard.
I'm kid a like you, I make enough for my wife to have been a stay at home mom, and we have our 5 kids, but I don't own my own company, I work from home enough to get my paycheck, play with my toys (motorcycles and 4x4 jeeps) and spend time with my wife and kids. Would I like to be wealthy? Sure, but not at the cost of my family.
Fun-Preparation-4253@reddit
I wasn't and I'm also not.
Sorry, this question wasn't for me. I just needed to get that off my chest.
tgerz@reddit
I think I'm kind of the type you're talking about. I almost didn't graduate with my class. Had less than a 1.0 GPA by my junior year. Went into independent studies and ended up doing well enough that I only need to have 5 periods instead of 6 my senior year. Didn't get into any prestigious colleges. Took me a while, but I built up my career in a very non-linear way that was also dependent on luck. Certain people were there at the right time and gave me some great connections. I'm not wildly successful, but getting from where I was then to where I am now is pretty great.
yamahowzer@reddit
I was in a gifted/talented program in elementary school and by high school all the boys were slacker druggy types while all the girls were straight A extracurricular types, most of whom went on to college and decent careers... But I haven't communicated with any of them in 15ish years. I got out of that town via the military and did reasonably well in the healthcare field for awhile without any degrees. Now I work in IT, still without any degrees but with a lot of office and work experience. I'm not in the six figure bracket by myself by my partner and I are a tiny bit comfortable together.
burnafter3ading@reddit
I'm also class of 2001. I graduated with honors and went on to get a MA degree. However, I feel like my major, which I loved, was a poor choice because I've never worked in my field. I finished school in mid-2008, just in time for the great recession. And was unemployed for a couple years, despite sending out thousands of applications. I randomly got an offer for federal security in another state and have been basically in that field for 15 years.
I think it's more about living within your means than seeming successful. I may be making under 30k, but I'm childless by choice, with zero debt and nearly 100k in savings. Modest, but workable.
AshDogBucket@reddit
I've never been particularly interested in a "career" (job where you stay at the same workplace or field four 40 years) so probably according to your metric I've failed. I've had about 30 different jobs (not an exaggeration, I counted). I've moved around the country a lot. I've worked in a bunch of different fields. The longest i was in one field was 10 years, 8 at the same employer... only 4 of those years were at a full time job with benefits, and all of those years I was working other unrelated jobs at the same time. A year ago I finished a masters, 6 months ago I started anew job in a new field at age 41. I still have a couple side jobs, too.
So i guess according to people who measure success in aparticular way I'm probably a failure 🤷♀️ but I've been a published author and a professional musician, which are 2 things i always wanted to do since I was a kid... so to me that's a success. Also i love my life and i really get to live it so the fact that i don't have a "career" doesn't really matter to me. AND i happen to love my job... and anytime I've stopped loving my primary job I've been able to change it so to me that's success.
Pierson230@reddit
Comparison is the thief of joy. It's really hard to avoid comparing ourselves to others. It's part of why I have been off Facebook/Insta for 10 years now.
But even if you were to compare, the social media platforms don't show you the ones who died of drug overdoses (at least 5 I can think of from my graduating class), the ones who ended up homeless, or the ones who just went through a messy divorce and declared bankruptcy.
At any rate, I was where you're at, but about 15 years of concerted effort have finally landed me in a place where I feel totally comfortable with my career. The paradox of it was that by the time I got the title, I wasn't craving the title anymore. I was good with myself and how I handled myself with my family and close relationships. I felt I could stand on my own two feet in front of anyone. But when the title did arrive, it did feel validating, not gonna lie.
It was rough for a while- I went into recovery for alcohol abuse, I have been in therapy for 10 years, and I had to move back in with my parents to go back to college in my 30s.
That I am at where I am at fills me with gratitude every day. If you could have told me when I was hiding from the police in the woods that someday, this would be my life, I wouldn't have believed you.
Don't feel like you're less than anyone, but don't give up, either
By the way- when I was dead ass broke and sitting in a jail cell, I sure as shit wasn't telling the world how I was doing.
chocolatepig214@reddit
Yup - academic high flyer, never really got a career off the ground for multiple reasons, including learning I have ADHD! I used to be bothered about it but a close friend told me that I was the only one bothered about it and she was probably right. I’m lucky to have a part time job I love, and run a small Etsy business. My other half is the opposite and has an amazing career and is able to financially support a great lifestyle. I manage the life part.
bashturd@reddit
The opposite for me. I was a dipshit who should have been dead or in jail by my twenties. Didn’t go to real college because my dad said it would just be a waste of money. Somehow I’ve stumbled my way into a successful career in tech, at least until AI replaces me.
Difficult_Phase1798@reddit
Facebook isn't real life. It's the life people want you to believe they live.
ShortBrownAndUgly@reddit
I earned a mediocre gpa in college and drifted for a few years in the service industry before getting my shit together. Went to grad school and now i do alright financially. Still not a go getter like many of my colleagues though.
BidInteresting8923@reddit
I've not noticed that so much.
But I've still got a strong friend group from HS & college even though we don't live in our hometown any more or even all that close to one another.
The thing that never stops surprising me is that I am 100% certain that we're all the same immature jackoffs we were at 18 but now we're responsible for people's lives/careers to varying degrees. How has humanity survived this long?
iamleeg@reddit
Yeah that tracks with my experience. Top of my class at school, three degrees from a top university, published author in my field, never had a job above the bottom rung of typing software into a computer, never made bank, squandered what little professional reputation I ever had. The gap between where I expected to be and where I am is huge.