What's your favourite southern insult/quip?
Posted by Living-Ad-6751@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 164 comments
Posted by Living-Ad-6751@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 164 comments
big_data_mike@reddit
You couldn’t track a slug across a sheet of glass
AllHailTheTank@reddit
If you put his brain in a duck it'd fly backards (sic)
If I ordered a whole truckload of dumbasses and only you came to my door, I'd have gotten my money's worth
Nuttier than squirrel shit
About as bright as a haunted house
Couldn't pour water out of a boot if the directions we're written on the heel
He's so crooked if he ate a nail it'd come out a screw
She's so fat her husband has to roll over her twice to get to the other side of the bed
This QB can't throw a little kids birthday party
Pouring sprinkles on a dog turd doesn't make it a brownie
As someone from the midwest I have always loved these sayings haha
lefindecheri@reddit
This makes no sense. Why doesn't he got around to the other side?
Living-Ad-6751@reddit (OP)
I'm taking notes!
AllHailTheTank@reddit
Best goldmine of sayings I got is from this comment
Majestic-Macaron6019@reddit
So many good ones on there. "Noisier than two skeletons fucking on a rin roof" sent me.
Living-Ad-6751@reddit (OP)
Oooh, thankyou
Physical-Incident553@reddit
Bless your heart, said very sarcastically.
Living-Ad-6751@reddit (OP)
Had a feeling this would be highly recommended! Sweet, simple, classic, cutting.
txparrothead58@reddit
Before I retired, I had a colleague from Poland. One night, why working at her site, a few of us went out for dinner. We somehow got on the topic of a colleague from a Southern state. She told me that she originally thought he was being nice when he said “bless his or her heart” until someone explained it to her.
Alexandur@reddit
I mean, more often than not it is used genuinely, I think reddit has a bit of an inflated view of how often it's used in a condescending way in the south
woodwalker2@reddit
As a Georgia boy, I can assure you that you are very wrong there
Alexandur@reddit
Nah as somebody who also grew up in the south I can most definitely speak to my own experience
txparrothead58@reddit
It depends on tone and context.
Alexandur@reddit
Well yes, all sarcasm does
anonymouse278@reddit
It is used genuinely quite a bit. More often than in a mean way for sure. People say "Bless her heart" over hearing a little old lady from church has been widowed, or a little kid has strep, or somebody was in a fender bender on the way here, or someone got caught in the rain, or whatever genuinely bummer thing has happened to someone perfectly nice.
This is what gives it plausible deniability as an insult. If people only ever said "Bless your/his heart" the sarcastic way, it would be just an out and out insult and it would not function the way it does, which is as something that can be cutting but also cannot be pointed to as an actual insult because usually, it isn't.
Living-Ad-6751@reddit (OP)
I had a similar issue. I used to play games online with a lot of friends in the US. I didn't realise that every time I said "oh bless your heart" it was being perceived as dry/insulting by certain people. Someone had to educate me.
Tough_Tangerine7278@reddit
Aw, bless your lil heart.
No-Grocery-4304@reddit
that one cuts deep when someone's grandma says it with the sweet smile. learned this hard way when i moved to georgia for few years - thought old ladies were being nice to me but turns out they were roasting me alive.
lefindecheri@reddit
A front office worker at our school who was from the south used to say that all the time. Everyone thought it was so sweet. At her retirement party, the principal let it be known that she was not actually blessing us.
Many-Connection3309@reddit
….. kiss my grits!
thebeatsandreptaur@reddit
This is true but I think people are kind of always too quick to assume it ONLY has a backhanded meaning and it definitely doesn't. People also use this in a nice way all the time, the part that makes you a southerner is being able to tell which is which because they sound the same.
Jass0602@reddit
This is the way
Bottom_-_Feeder@reddit
Even worse when the, Awww, is thrown in front
Reduak@reddit
Oh, that's required
Reduak@reddit
You've never been insulted until a Southern woman blesses your heart.
Physical-Incident553@reddit
I’m a Midwesterner in the suburbs. A southern friend said my sarcasm is so good that even I can do a good job on bless your heart.
Reduak@reddit
That's a solid compliment
MadicalRadical@reddit
I’ve also heard “god love ya.” used in the same context.
SonuvaGunderson@reddit
/endthread
RaeWineLover@reddit
Always go with the classics.
yurinator71@reddit
Bless yer heart.
Garage_Beer_Enjoyer@reddit
You like your steak well done dont ya?
NIN10DOXD@reddit
“I’m sweatin’ like a whore in church.”
Bookwoman0247@reddit
Bless your heart.
Heavy_Front_3712@reddit
His cornbread ain't done in the middle
BusinessWarthog6@reddit
Gotta toss in the devils beatin his wife (it just rained here)
Bennnnetttt@reddit
Im enamored by this sentence. What does all of this mean? Hahaa
anonymouse278@reddit
"The devil is beating his wife" is a folk expression that means "Hey look, a sunshower is happening."
For some reason, there are colorful and slightly bizarre idioms for it raining while sunny in many cultures. A lot of them have to do with marriage and/or the devil.
thebeatsandreptaur@reddit
He's not quite right. Similarly I've heard just so-and-so "ain't quite done cooking" like their brain/smarts just aren't quite where they oughta be yet, or even not really derogatively towards kids when they do something kinda stupid, like what did you expect/of course that happened/they're young and dumb and it's not really their fault. Think Hank Hills "that boy ain't right" kind of.
warneagle@reddit
Fun fact: there’s a similar phrase in Hungarian. Very odd that it shows up in a language that’s totally unrelated to English.
tupelobound@reddit
That’s just a statement, not an insult or quip really
whippersnapper123123@reddit
When it’s rainy and sunny at the same time right?
BusinessWarthog6@reddit
Correct
Tough_Tangerine7278@reddit
More nervous than a cat’s tail in a room full of rocking chairs
NIN10DOXD@reddit
My sister once said of a guy who looked a lot like his father, “that boy is the scab off his daddy’s ass.” It’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard and it really stuck with me.
shamwowj@reddit
Bless your heart
Butterbean-queen@reddit
Bless your heart.
Lunasalona@reddit
Bless your heart.
TakingItPeasy@reddit
Can't put enough lip stick on that pig.
sneezyailurophile@reddit
Well, butter my butt & call me a biscuit!
jephph_@reddit
I heard that one as “well smack my ass and call me Sally”
(I’m s’posin they mean the same thing?)
Lost_in_spreadsheets@reddit
“Butter my buns and call me a biscuit” was how I always heard it
theycallmethevault@reddit
They’re about as sharp as a bowling ball.
Also, most people in the South say “bless your heart” kindly more often than as an insult. You found out your Uncle’s got the gout? “Well, bless his heart, I hope he feels better soon.” Aunt Alma’s arthritis is acting up? “Bless her pea-pickin’ heart.”
Personal-Presence-10@reddit
The whole side of the internet saying bless your heart is always an insult or sarcastic are all clearly not from the south. If they were they’d know better. I’m convinced it’s all northerners (which can apply to anyone not from the south even from out west lol that’s something that is kinda like a southernism) who got it said to them sarcastically, figured it out that it was meant sarcastically and decided they cracked some secret code and it ALWAYS is used in an insulting way. Bless their hearts (both sarcastic and pitifully meant here)
Majestic-Macaron6019@reddit
"Bless your heart" is an expression of pity. Sometimes, it's because your favorite aunt just died. Sometimes, it's because you're dumber than a box of rocks (another favorite Southern expression of mine).
theycallmethevault@reddit
I feel similarly! But don’t tell them that, they’ll roast you for it & back each other up, and then tell you that you’re not Southern. They definitely like to debate Kentucky but then try to include Texas. The Southwest doesn’t count for folks in the Deep South where my family is from. 🤷♀️
Usual-Bag-3605@reddit
Bless your heart. It is incredibly versatile, depending on tone.
GSilky@reddit
I like calling wealthy white people the n word.
Yoink1019@reddit
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
theegodmother1999@reddit
"there's more than one way to skin a cat" is one of my favorite things my grandmother has always said lolol
pgcotype@reddit
He/she is dumber than dog shit.
owiesss@reddit
I forgot about this one somehow lol. It was my mom’s favorite.
pgcotype@reddit
I learned from my Texan father.
Apprehensive-Pop-201@reddit
Comin' in with the dry cows.
scottypotty79@reddit
Nervous as a pregnant nun.
I recently saw video of Senator Kennedy of Louisiana say this on the Senate floor and I died laughing. He is the most entertaining US senator to hear speak by far (and I’m not a republican).
ExtraBitter99@reddit
She fell out the ugly tree an hit every branch on the way down.
warneagle@reddit
“He don’t know whether to shit or go blind so he closes one eye and farts”
HoyAIAG@reddit
Bless your little heart
Affectionate-Arm5784@reddit
A hit dog’ll hollar, meaning you’ve said something that hits too close to the bone
Alarmed-Size-3104@reddit
"Fair to middling" when asked how are you doing? It wasn't until recently I realized middling is an actual word that means moderate or average.
Due-Active-1741@reddit
“He’s slicker than owl shit on a glass doorknob” Also “He looks rode hard and put up wet” (like a horse that was ridden hard and then put in the stable while still sweating)
Alarmed-Size-3104@reddit
"finer than a frog hair split 4 ways" is a similar one I always liked.
Harold_Bissonette@reddit
A southerner can correct me if I'm wrong because I'm from a border state. But the Foghorn Leghorn cartoon character was based on a fictional Southern politician so I hope this counts. "He's about as sharp is a bowling ball."
partsguy64@reddit
“He’s about, I say, he’s about as sharp as a bowling ball.”
You sir are correct.
liebemeinenKuchen@reddit
Not from the south, Midwest, but my dad alwyas says “crazier than a shithouse rat” and “slicker than hog shit on concrete.” He was a hog buyer and I showed pigs for 10 years so I may have experienced both of these phenomena in real life 😅
Clique_Claque@reddit
Uglier than a pair of bowling shoes
Alarmed-Size-3104@reddit
"She could turn a funeral down an alley." Is my favorite way to call someone ugly.
TopHeavyPigeon@reddit
“I’m fixing to lose my religion” - Grandma when it was time for someone else to stop talking.
CFBCoachGuy@reddit
Also the meaning behind the REM song
jigokubi@reddit
I suggest an alternative meaning.
When I was in high school, I had a gay friend who scoffed at the song's popularity, saying people don't know what it's actually about. I didn't bother asking him what it was about, I just liked the song.
Years later, Michael Stipe came out. Listening to the lyrics after that, everything clicked.
Reduak@reddit
They are from Athens GA, which is pretty close to Tennessee.
MermaidStone@reddit
And “Y’all’re testing my Jesus today!!!”
Living-Ad-6751@reddit (OP)
Oh I'm a fan of this one
LifeAdhesiveness8071@reddit
I was once to by a Southerner that I was Drunker than Cooter Brown. I had to Google that one.
mustbethedragon@reddit
You're so pretty, with the implication that that's all they have going for them. Do something really stupid, "Aww, you're so pretty."
Team503@reddit
He's all hat and no cattle.
emyenna@reddit
Well that boy is dumber than a bag of hammers/ dumber than a box of nails
I thought you were as low as you could go, but here you are, limbo dancing with the devil
He hit rock bottom and grabbed a shovel
Jass0602@reddit
In addition to bless your heart,
-Dumb as a box of rocks -The light is on but nobody is home - Cotton picking hot (I know, not PC but it was said a lot growing up, and white people used to grow a lot of crops in South GA too) - My great grandmother from n Florida her whole life; “I declare…” - don’t New York/california my Florida -not a lick of common sense -the faucet is on but the water ain’t drippin -wouldn’t know common sense if it hit them in the head -let me smack the stupid out your head
My personal favorite, at a friends house a black lady across the street to her grandkids, “Boy you better stop bugging me or I’ll get my fly swatter out and knock some sense into you, get yo’ as* outta my kitchen before I get’chu wit this wooden spoon!” 😂
She was so sweet, but her grandkids were like Dennis the menace and always getting into something.
Freypaints@reddit
Slicker than snot on a door knob.
vionia74@reddit
My money used to threaten me with "I'll be on you like a duck on a June bug."
MISProf@reddit
That boy is sharp as a tack: headed in one direction and pointed the other
PM_ME_YER_MUDFLAPS@reddit
That boy ain’t right.
Nuttier than squirrel shit.
Rare_Independent_814@reddit
Bless your heart, said after someone being stupid
beaniesandbuds@reddit
Not really an insult, but during a heavy downpour my Dad will often quip "it's raining harder than a cow pissin' on a flat rock"
Javafiend53@reddit
My kids get a big kick out of me saying it's "come a gully washer" when it's raining very hatd.
LoriG215@reddit
My dad's mom grew up in Alabama, but settled in central Florida as an adult, so she was about as country as cornbread. She used to yell that phrase to me and my cousins when it was about to storm in the summer (which if you know anything about central Florida, that happens every afternoon). I can still hear her bellowing (lovingly, of course), "You kids c'mon in the house now! It's fixin' to come a gullywasher!" Fond memory. 💜
Emotional-Place9446@reddit
Dad would say about a hard rain, “it’s a real frog strangler”!
calcato@reddit
Everything ever uttered by Oiuser and Clairee in Steel Magnolias.
MermaidStone@reddit
You know love you more’n my luggage!!
calcato@reddit
You're too twisted for color TV!
Love that movie. So many great quotes -- https://youtu.be/kRUfFuHFx_c?si=Eiwi-GgQ_QKcVvZx
ZetaWMo4@reddit
My dad used to tell my brother “God wasted a brain on you”. Or once when my brother asked “why?”my dad said “Z, motherfucker! Now ABC yo ass out of my face!”
Odd-Condition-4773@reddit
“Bless his/heart.” The most passive aggressive lovely comment one can give.
IsopodKey2040@reddit
My grandma would always say to my grandfather "don't just sit there like a bump on a log" and I always found that funny. My grandpa would says someone is "mean as a copperhead."
Evening_Bluebirds444@reddit
That’ll go over like a turd in a punch bowl…
aleister94@reddit
Roanoke?
Evening_Bluebirds444@reddit
First heard it in Wilmington!
aleister94@reddit
Sorry I meant are you also a fan of Roanoke gaming on YouTube
Infamous-Phone-1973@reddit
Jesus don't like ugly.
ZombiePrepper408@reddit
If you run into an asshole in the morning, he's an asshole, if you run into assholes all day, youre the asshole
MrLongWalk@reddit
Yankee
TheMrsH1124@reddit
"Lord willin' & the Creek don't rise" which sounds grammatically incorrect and worried about rain until you realize it do be talkin' about the people, not the landscape.
Dunnoaboutu@reddit
Yeah, but it doesn’t. It’s actually talking about water.
Living-Ad-6751@reddit (OP)
I'm British, but I think my favourite is "well you must have been first in your litter" to someone who states the obvious, or thinks they're being clever.
seguefarer@reddit
Well aren't you the first pancake? means you weren't up to snuff. The first pancake usually doesn't turn out quite right.
SuperPomegranate7933@reddit
You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the bottom.
Personal-Presence-10@reddit
Although my Mimi always said it as “he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel”. She was a little salty with her language lol
JohnnyABC123abc@reddit
He's so ugly, make the train take the backroad.
theDailyDillyDally@reddit
If you're looking for some great material, follow Senator Kennedy from Louisiana. He's the modern master of the southern quip and is hilarious!
Reduak@reddit
"That dog won't hunt."
For a plan, policy or even suggestion that either has little chance for success or you just don't like.
JohnnyABC123abc@reddit
"I'd pick the peanuts out of her shit if I thought it would do me any good."
Said by one of my coworkers who was from South Carolina.
Alert-Willow3458@reddit
Idk if this fits, but my in-laws are from southern Georgia and I love when they say, “guh gone” in their very southern accent lol. Basically meaning she’s crazy
weeniehutjunior1234@reddit
My late mom’s ex bf was from Tennessee and he used to say “half-cocked on goof” for someone being crazy.
LastCookie3448@reddit
They could eat corn on the cob thru a picket fence.
Fire_Mission@reddit
Tougher than IGA steak!
MyUsername2459@reddit
Damn that's tough.
BearChavez82@reddit
I heard a southern fella say someone’s freckles look like “someone threw shit at em through a screen door.”
RaineMist@reddit
Someone who said "bless your heart" to you was almost never a good thing to hear.
ahumpsters@reddit
She has uncle-daddy issues…
Practical-Ordinary-6@reddit
I've always liked the term "hot mess".
It's not always an insult and often said lovingly and even self-deprecatingly by some people talking about themselves but it is funny.
- She's a hot mess.
anyavailible@reddit
Dont stand there like a cow looking at a new gate.
captaindomer@reddit
You look like youve been shot at and missed and shit at and hit
Knox_the_Boxer@reddit
Bless your heart!
Iheardtheythrowhex@reddit
"Damn boy, you're dumber than a deer."
EatLard@reddit
His cheese has slid off his cracker.
That ol’ boy’s girlfriend is so ugly he takes her everywhere just so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
It’s hotter’n nickel night at the whorehouse out there.
If I’da ordered a whole truckload of dumbasses and just got you, I’da got my money’s worth.
If your ass ran as much as your mouth, you’d shit yourself to death.
You campaignin’ for an ass whoopin’, boy? Cause you’re about the get elected.
seguefarer@reddit
Ugly as a cathead biscuit.
She'd worry the spots off a ladybug.
They don't have a pot to piss in, nor window to throw it out of.
bigfatquizzer@reddit
Looks like you got hit with the ugly stick
Living-Ad-6751@reddit (OP)
International, but a classic.
bigfatquizzer@reddit
Interesting. Never heard it used outside of the South
FilthyMindz69@reddit
Washington state. Hear it a lot
GOTaSMALL1@reddit
Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!
IPreferDiamonds@reddit
No, she's so ugly she was hit with the ugly forest!
seguefarer@reddit
Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
fleetpqw24@reddit
Anything Senator John Kennedy says
Special-Matter-6448@reddit
Boy, you could fuck up a free lunch.
WhiskeyDeltaBravo1@reddit
Uglier than homemade soap.
aleister94@reddit
“You bout as sharp as a bowling”
Bexar1986@reddit
Devil is beating his wife! (Raining while the sun is shining).
mpjjpm@reddit
I’ll pray for you.
IPreferDiamonds@reddit
Bless your heart.
GladPepper2333@reddit
“Tuck your tounge behind your teeth; your crazy is showing” OR “ugly as sin”
RektInTheHed@reddit
Could not pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Might be western though.
OptimalDouble2407@reddit
Bless your heart will always be the classic but my personal favorite otherwise is “corn fed and inbred.”
RysloVerik@reddit
As useless as tits on a bull
hopelesswriter1@reddit
Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock was a childhood favs of my dads quips. I love bless your heart and “ain’t you sweet” the most tho personally
fate_the_magnificent@reddit
You ain't worth the powder that'd blow you up.
Bottom_-_Feeder@reddit
Does 50lb of flour make a big biscuit? (when the answer is yes to a question)
3wheelpotion@reddit
Man you could mess up a cannonball with a rubber mallet.
queu3up@reddit
He couldnt pour water outta boot with instructions on the heel
Living-Ad-6751@reddit (OP)
Oh I like that
Successful-Cut7999@reddit
Bless your heart
BusinessWarthog6@reddit
Bless your heart, we haven’t heard of that down here
DosZappos@reddit
Ain’t no law against it
JKLman97@reddit
Just anything from this guy: https://www.youtube.com/@GoodNuffConstruction