Is it justified to be offended by my cousin not inviting my wife to her wedding?
Posted by Jeremys_Iron_@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 122 comments
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Percypocket@reddit
I didn't even invite my cousins to my wedding let alone their partners 😂 you and your family are being stroppy and entitled
MattWillGrant@reddit
They have every right to invite just you, you have every right not to attend.
This really isn't a biggy, they have limited numbers and invited their relations.
The polite thing is thank them for the invite, explain you've chosen not to come alone, and you hope that opens a spot for someone else special. And wish them luck.
glitterswirl@reddit
OP’s wife is a relation though. When you marry, you marry into the family. They are legal kin.
And it’s rather rude to invite someone to celebrate your marriage while ignoring theirs.
A plus-one is an unnamed extra guest - ie, you can choose to bring whoever you like. OP’s wife should have been invited, and by name. She’s not a random stranger.
AdLonely5056@reddit
“When you marry, you marry into the family" is definitely not a universal view.
Legally sure, but your sisters husband is always going to be secondary in comparison to your sister.
Some people have small weddings where they don’t even invite their actual cousins. Who should or should not be invited is always up to the bride and groom.
Booboodelafalaise@reddit
Perfect diplomatic answer. Could you have a crack at the Middle East now, please?
DickensCide-r@reddit
End thread.
Too many wedding guests think they're the VIPs. It's insane.
Connell95@reddit
100% this. It’s one day that is very definitely not all about you.
If you can’t or don’t want to attend for whatever reason, just politely decline with best wishes.
Glass_Minute4753@reddit
It sounds like a small wedding with very limited +1s. Presumably your sister and other cousins don't have +1s either, unless their partner is also close with the engaged couple?
I think you are over-reacting to this, as are your mother and sister.
Have you considered that the couple may have limited the number of guests for financial reasons, or because they want to keep the wedding very small?
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit (OP)
Can I ask, are you married?
-Lumiro-@reddit
What an arsehole.
AskUK-ModTeam@reddit
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Don't be a dick to each other, or other subreddits, places, or people. AskUK contains a variety of ages, experiences, and backgrounds - consider not everyone is operating on the same level or background as you. Listen to others before you respond, and be courteous when doing so.
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit (OP)
It's just a question.
I would bet most people here answering are not married.
Interesting.
Zavodskoy@reddit
As you're married you should know how expensive weddings are, if you can only afford X amount of people then sadly you have to make tough choices about who can and can't attend
B-e-a-utiful_day@reddit
It's irrelevant. If they only want close family, that's their choice. You don't get to decide who goes to someone else's wedding lol
geeered@reddit
As they're limited, they've now got one extra invite, so everyone wins!
Ok-Dance-4827@reddit
I don’t really understand why people get so upset when their partners / spouses aren’t invited to weddings if they are small and not particularly close friends or family. Weddings costs fucking loads and plus ones aren’t a given. Generally spouses aren’t included but this all sounds a bit ridiculous. You don’t have to attend if you don’t want but also remember you are separate people.
melancholyy-scorpio@reddit
It's not about being separate people.
Weddings are meant to be family occasions. Being married to someone means you are part of a family. OP's wife not being invited suggests to me that the bride/groom don't extend that feeling towards OP's wife - they don't consider her part of the family enough to be invited to a family occasion. That is 100% going to be hurtful.
Ok-Dance-4827@reddit
But this is a bit ridiculous for people you see once or twice a year? Understandable if it’s a family member you see regularly. I have never even met my cousins husband!
melancholyy-scorpio@reddit
I mean, they're important enough to be invited to the wedding in the first place.
Ok-Dance-4827@reddit
My dad just got invited to my cousins wedding to bolster numbers even though he hadn’t seen her in a decade so…?
melancholyy-scorpio@reddit
Okay and?? What's your point?? If the point is that OP's cousin needs to bolster numbers, what's their excuse for not inviting the wife?
Ok-Dance-4827@reddit
Maybe they’ve literally never met her lol chill
melancholyy-scorpio@reddit
I'm chilled lol I'm just asking a question.
Ok-Dance-4827@reddit
The double ?? Was freaking me out lol
OdinForce22@reddit
??
silly_capybara@reddit
everyone thinks they are special, that's why they get upset
Careless_Car_6618@reddit
This
crappy_ninja@reddit
Are they on a tight budget?
gem368@reddit
I don’t think it’s ok to not invite your wife. If I didn’t want the numbers to be up I just wouldn’t have invited either of you. Just keep it to uncles aunties brothers and sisters, immediate family rather than opening it out to cousins as well. I took the decision to invite people I was close to, one of my cousins was at the birth of both of my children so she was my maid of honour, however other cousins I didn’t invite cos we never spoke to each other outside of family gatherings. It’s expensive and complicated but I think it’s important to be realistic. I don’t think you should invite someone who’s married and not their partner though 🙈 your mum and sister can choose not to go, but perhaps they need to reflect on how the bride may have considered who they invited 🤷♀️
hdhxuxufxufufiffif@reddit
Yeah this is my thoughts on it. If the OP is close enough to be invited then they should invite his wife as well. If he's not close enough then don't invite either of them.
In the OP's shoes I wouldn't get offended though. Just politely decline.
Curiousferrets@reddit
I think I won't either invite both or neither of you if numbers were an issue. Seems weird to invite half a married couple to me.
becooldocrime@reddit
The takes here are wild to me, to the point where I think this is one of those cases where Reddit is totally out of touch with reality.
If a family gets together every six months, and you have a relationship with both people in a marriage, they are a package deal. Inviting one without the other is hugely offensive.
My family would never talk to someone again if they did that to me.
EmzyM@reddit
Completely agree.... it seems to have gone from the joining of families to it's all about the couple & instagram worthy photography.... plus they still get a present.... so damn shallow.
InitiativeConscious7@reddit
You aren't even close. Your lucky your getting an invite to what sounds like a small wedding nevermind your partner...
ads894@reddit
I don’t understand why people automatically assume their partners will be also invited to a wedding? If I don’t know you, you aren’t invited
Grotbagsthewonderful@reddit
Because she's his wife and now part of the close family, you either invite both or neither, by only inviting him they're implying she isn't family. The fact that his mother took offence means she knows them well enough to realise it’s more than just a numbers issue.
glitterswirl@reddit
It’s OP’s wife - she’s part of the family. Not a random stranger.
ProfessorYaffle1@reddit
Because its well established politeness that you don't invite half of a couple to an event. So it's pretty rude to invite someone without their spouse. Mdern etiquette extends that to a cohabing partner.
Its about being a good host and considering your guests.
OkSun8521@reddit
You sound nice.
cold_tap_hot_brew@reddit
Because enjoyment and tradition are a big part of why others are willing to shell out to join in. It’s a celebration, people expect to go with their long term partners.
It’s true you don’t have to stick to tradition but you can expect that this break from the norm will ruffle feathers as it’s seen as quite the insult to exclude someone from a family occasion.
Chatty_Betty@reddit
OP, I saw on your update that you invited your cousin's side of the family to your wedding. My questions are 1) was her fiance also invited? 2) Did she, fiance and that side of the family attend your wedding?
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit (OP)
I got married in Brazil. Yes, her boyfriend (not engaged at that time) was invited.
Chatty_Betty@reddit
Thank you for that clarification. I would be upset too, as I consider a married couple to be a unit. In your shoes I would decline the invitation, send a nice gift from both of you, and try and convince your mum and sister to attend anyway, and not to cause a permanent rift while defending you, though that might be too late.
I guess going forward, you know not to invite your cousin and/or her husband to your important events.
Arsewhistle@reddit
I don't see the problem here, personally.
Weddings are expensive. Giving absolutely everyone that wants one a +1 could easily cost them hundreds more, maybe thousands.
We saved money because we found a really good deal. We had a 60 person limit, but any extra guests would have cost us (if I remember correctly) something like £160 per head.
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit (OP)
So my wife is worth less than £160 to them.
If you have 30 cousins, fair enough.
If you cannot fork out £160 'per head' for spouses of your cousins, aunts or uncles, then I can't see you even affording to fork that out for anyone else.
Arsewhistle@reddit
So what, you asked a question, and now you're judging people for giving answers that you don't like?
There are clearly people there who they want to be there more. There were people who I wanted to invite, but who I just couldn't afford to.
I don't know how long they've know your wife for, or how close they are, but it's their decision to make. And it's just for one day, surely you can be apart for that long.
How long have they known for wife for? You said you only see them a couple of times per year, so it's hard to imagine that they're particularly close with your wife.
If it were siblings, that would usually be something to be offended by.
OpenedCan@reddit
Literally going through the same thing.
We can get 80 at ceremony and 120 in the evening. I have 13 cousins and all need a plus one. So I've decided none of them are being invited to the ceremony. Just to be fair. Sucks but it is what it is.
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit (OP)
How many of them are married?
OpenedCan@reddit
8
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit (OP)
It seems some here think the spouse is not a +1 (the 'unit' argument). Hmm.
OkSun8521@reddit
Yeah, it's a dick move.
When I had my wedding, I was acutely aware that I was asking a lot from a lot of people. I wanted to do everything possible to minimise the burden I was putting on them. That's why every single person got a plus one, free accommodation was available, and all food and drinks for the weekend were covered.
Connell95@reddit
You had loads of money, clearly. Most people don’t.
The idea everyone should be automatically giving a plus one and free accommodation on top is ludicrous.
OkSun8521@reddit
I spent far less than most people do on weddings. The thing is, I prioritised my guests' convenience and comfort over my own vanity.
Chatty_Betty@reddit
All of that for under £10k is amazing! What did the accommodation cost you, if you don't mind me asking?
Chatty_Betty@reddit
Nowhere in their comment did they say these things should happen. They said that's what they did at their wedding. Don't extrapolate what isn't there.
OkSun8521@reddit
That's true, but actually I do think it's what everyone else should do as well.
See my other comment where I explain that I didn't actually spend very much money.
ChocolateSnowflake@reddit
A spouse is never a +1, they are a named guest.
If the wedding is that intimate then you don’t invite a cousin you see twice a year in the first place.
Not inviting a spouse is extremely rude and poor etiquette.
Kaurblimey@reddit
You’re going to know loads of people you don’t need a +1
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit (OP)
That is not the cause of this post.
hummus710@reddit
Very British of them!
Grotbagsthewonderful@reddit
If it was just a friend or acquaintance then it's not something I'd worry about, but you're family and by extension so is your wife. Yes this is weird, they should have invited both of you or neither. If your mother and sister who obviously knows them well have taken offence there's probably a reason, I personally wouldn't go.
AKSL88@reddit
I’ve had invites from friends that didn’t include a plus one but never from family
SoftwareFew9236@reddit
Why can’t you go without your wife? It’s just a day no?
But also you don’t have to go if you don’t want to
countingmystepsbaby@reddit
To me, it would feel a bit odd to celebrate someone's marriage when they don't seem to respect mine.
A 'plus one' usually means the named guest can bring someone (whoever - bf/gf/even a friend) with them so they don't attend alone. His wife wouldn't really be a 'plus one' anyway - married couples should be invited as a unit.
I'd probably still go, but would be a little bit annoyed.
summers_tilly@reddit
Is it that they don’t respect OP’s marriage or that weddings are ludicrously expensive and they are trying to manage a budget/keep it small. Isn’t that to more practical realistic way of looking at it? I’ve been invited without my husband, he’s been invited without me - no drama from either of us. Maybe we’re just more understanding people.
countingmystepsbaby@reddit
Or maybe you just feel differently than I do about this issue, it doesn't make you 'more understanding people,' I'm afraid.
My personal view is established couples are a unit - especially when asking people to travel, stay overnight etc. I'd invite fewer cousins who I was closer to and their spouses, rather than inviting every cousin and no partners. That's the approach I took for my wedding. Everyone's different aren't they, but OP asked for honest perspectives. Maybe try being understanding...
fickle_tartan@reddit
I'm always confused when people are like this, like if they were single would they just never go to a wedding?
SoftwareFew9236@reddit
Yeah and fair enough if you only know the bride and not anyone else but sounds like his whole family is gonna be there
fickle_tartan@reddit
Although maybe not their mum and sister in solidarity by the sounds of things, which is wild IMO.
Connell95@reddit
Every wedding is different. It’s always a privilege to be invited, but only you can decide whether you want to attend. There’s no assumption that spouses will be included, especially for small weddings and if they are not close to the couple.
If you reject the invite, do so politely, and certainly having your mum and sister boycotting is completely over the top.
DarkDragoness1965@reddit
As long as it has been applied fairly and you're not the only one without a +1 and the other +1s are not just gf/bfs then ok. However, you have no obligation to turn up on your own if you don't want to. Personally, I'd sent my regrets, a present and wish them well.
OdinForce22@reddit
I'm shocked at these comments tbh. Whilst yes, it is up to the couple getting married who they invite, I find it really weird if a family member would invite just me and not my wife to their wedding. Essentially, I'd take it as them thinking my wife wasn't family. We're a package at the end of the day, and it seems you feel the same with your wife.
I get the feeling most of these replies are from people who's longest relationships were months, as opposed to years.
In short, they're right to invite who they please, but your feelings on this are rational and completely valid.
Connell95@reddit
It’s not a big deal. You are not joined at the hip – you are still separate human beings. You can do things separately once in a while. There’s nothing inherently rude in limiting wedding invites to blood relations.
It’s not even clear here that person getting married has ever met the spouse in question.
Certainly escalating it by OP’s mum and sister boycotting is just bizarre.
Salty_Preference6628@reddit
I think when people are married you invite both people. If someone only invites one of you - then you decline and no one goes. I think this is really rude of your cousin and they shouldn’t have invited you at all. None of this is fixed and there are ways around this - as they could have their small wedding and then a larger family party in a village hall where the guests all bring a dish. Minimal outlay - everyone involved.
CurrencyIll9145@reddit
i think we're missing the context of if your wife also attends said once or twice a year meet-ups & if she knows your cousin well enough.
if i had never met someone, or had met them once or twice (maybe even several years ago), i certainly wouldn't invite them to my wedding.
maybe it's because my family and i aren't super close but if my cousin invited me to their wedding, it'd almost be a prerequisite i'd turn up alone as well only see each other every few years.
reception, maybe, but not the actual ceremony.
i get quite shy so wouldn't feel comfortable with people i don't know very well at such an intimate occasion as the ceremony itself.
thethirdbar@reddit
Personally I would find it quite rude for my spouse not to be invited/not to invite a spouse to a cousin's wedding. I invited all my cousins with plus ones, (ended up with around 50 guests, so not enormous) but different people have different dynamics and expectations of tradition.
I wouldn't attend in your position but I wouldn't make a big fuss about it either, and what your mum/sister do is none of your business provided you ask them not to make a fuss on your behalf. At the end of the day it is your cousin's wedding and budget
ohnobobbins@reddit
Personally, I think they’re handling it poorly as the easy choice of ‘just immediate family’ was right there. But equally I wouldn’t be offended by it, because that’s pointless. They’re not trying to be rude, it’s just clumsy.
I would let it go, be gracious, don’t attend and send a really nice present and card.
xyzedb_@reddit
This is funny because my partner was invited to his cousins wedding and I wasn’t invited. Initially I felt a bit upset but reading these comments I feel better. It’s not personal, things are expensive and you don’t owe anyone anything.
LilacScentedStoat@reddit
I'd be offended too and wouldn't want anything further to do with them anyway, so if I never see them again, I wouldn't really care.
EggOk174@reddit
It's a small wedding, so makes sense that not everybody gets a +1. In our family, there are lots of cousins so usually only a few cousins make the cut for a wedding invite, and it's not always with a +1. I wouldn't be offended. Unless you think you wife was specifically left out for another reason.
Jturnster89@reddit
Another reason me and the other half aren't bothered about a wedding. People getting offended over nonsense, and juggling to keep the peace.
apaperweightcat@reddit
I’m shocked by the replies to this. It’s unusual not to invite married couples to events like this together, I totally understand wanting a small wedding but if that’s the case, you then normally avoid inviting extended family you only see on occasion.
It would not occur to me to view a family member’s wife/husband/long term partner as separate to the family and therefore not invited. It’s their wedding, they can invite whoever they want ultimately, but I think it’s very ostracising to those married into the family to be essentially told they don’t view you as part of the family, and you’re within your rights to be put out by this.
Aphra_@reddit
I've never understood why people get offended about not getting invited to weddings of people they see a couple times a year. How close is your wife personally to the bride and groom?
I had a small wedding (less than 30) and didn't include plus 1s for lots of people. My husband and I decided that If people had an issue with it and would rather not come, we were fine with that- in fact it did us a favour as it freed a space for someone else.
So just don't go.
ProfessorYaffle1@reddit
I don't think its necessarily about how well they know each other . It would have been fine for then to not invite OP OR their wife, because they aren't close, but in almost all contexts its rude to invite hakf of a couple, to a formal eve t like a wedding (exceptions where you are invited as a group, eg coworkers)
countingmystepsbaby@reddit
I can see this is going against the grain, but I would also be a bit offended tbh. It would feel a bit odd to celebrate their marriage (and two people joining families together) when they clearly don't feel the same about mine.
Not inviting someone's bf/gf or allowing plus ones is one thing, but married couples/people in a long term relationship who live together usually are invited together as one unit.
Info: two things that might change my mind: did you invite both your cousin and fiance to your wedding? Has your wife actually met your cousin?
countingmystepsbaby@reddit
Fwiw, depending on how much I liked this cousin and how much of a faff it would be to get there, I would probably still go and just get over being a bit annoyed! Your mum and sister are unhelpfully escalating things.
ben_jamin_h@reddit
At my wedding, we had 14 people because we could not afford the food for any more than that. It was a stretch to even do 14.
Seems a bit mad to be offended before you've even asked what[ the reason is.
Nathanial1289@reddit
People need to stop feeling obliged when it comes to weddings. Someone is literally paying for you to eat etc.
As someone who has been married, it's annoying and expensive to invite a bunch of people you don't care for. If I get invited to a wedding but not my wife, I don't feel offended at all.
Same if they don't allow children. I genuinely thank them and explain that I can't attend because of childcare. Give them a good monetary gift, stress there are no hard feelings and get on with life.
corkireland99@reddit
You are someone they see only rarely . They are having a small wedding and keeping it to a select few. In my view you should be flattered that you were thought highly enough to be invited.
Ricky_Martins_Vagina@reddit
Your mum and sister are out of order for making this into a bigger thing than it needs to be.
All you had to do was call your cousin and clarify the +1 situation and then either apologise or just make an excuse not to go.
Making this a whole family drama isn't fair on your cousin - not everyone wants to have or can afford to have a wedding with a massive guestlist.
NoNeedleworker5422@reddit
I would not take offense until i actually knew what the +1 situation is for the rest of the family and what's the overall guest count. Offended or not, you are still in your full right to not attend.
However your sister and mother not going because of it is weird and blowing things out of proportion i feel like. With a caveat, that if there was like a suspected racist/homophobic/ableist etc reason for excluding your wife. Then taking a stance would be justified. If it's just a headcount thing, then nah
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit (OP)
My wife is Brazilian, yes. Also, we invited them to our wedding. Not sure why everyone is not thinking about that angle.
blueroses8000@reddit
I’m Indian, we’re extremely close to all our cousins and second cousins and spend time with them regularly and even we don’t get offended anymore after a lifetime of every person we’ve ever met being invited to our weddings. We understand people need to keep numbers and costs down, and it’s not personal if it’s a blanket rule for all cousin’s partners.
Have you found out if other cousins with the same personal relationship (i.e. not people who are closer to them) as you have their partners invited? If they don’t then I don’t see what there is to be offended by and it’ll just cause unnecessary trouble, family issues and embarrassment making it about yourselves.
Puzzled-Barnacle-200@reddit
Unless it's a micro wedding (maybe 15 max), or specific personal issues, it's incredibly bad form to not invite the spouse. It's bad to not invite a partner someone lives with. It's not great to not allow an early relationship.
Heck, any single friends I invited to my wedding also had a +1, though none of them took up the offer.
Antique-Mission-7310@reddit
Weddings are expensive, you said you see each other once or twice a year… if they want things small then it’s totally understandable you wouldn’t get a +1.
I’d factor in travel, if I had a friend (not family, who would know other family there) who was travelling a long way, I’d be more likely to give them a +1.
Seriously assuming +1s is more awkward and annoying for the couple whose day it actually is
BroldenMass@reddit
Someone I know is getting married next year and having a super small wedding. Their guest list is like sub 40 people, no plus ones for anybody. The venue is super strict saying ‘this is max capacity, take it or leave it’. Their grandparents haven’t got an invite. Uncle on one side hasn’t been invited. They’re only inviting people they are super close with because they just can’t spread the net any further.
They have so many stressors planning a wedding. They aren’t thinking of who’s not going, they’re thinking of who CAN go. There’s no malice in these decisions. So choose not to go and don’t take offence, let them know in advance so the next person on the list who didn’t make the cut can go instead.
littleboo2theboo@reddit
It's awful not to have invited your wife.
It's quite common not to invite cousins to weddings. I didn't invite most of mine. But to invite you but not your wife is bullshit.
Advanced_Monitor6568@reddit
I've had similar with cousins in the family, causing rifts with various people, all because wedding invitations were not extended to everyone (and on a few occasions: no one). I couldn't really understand it TBH. I took no offence. There's every chance that some people will decide to elope, or have a massive wedding where they invite everyone they know.
It is not personal. Where some couples go for something in-between those options, it's usually down to things like cost / expense, or wanting to keep things small and private. This means the line has to be drawn somewhere. Very awkward for sure.
I can perhaps understand preferring to go with your wife than alone, and why it feels hurt to be left off an invite list. But I would advise you not to take it personally or get offended. If you are close with your cousin, go to the wedding and hope that everyone else can just chill. Trust me, resentment over such things can last for years and are not worth it.
Soft-Objective6966@reddit
I think that wedding invites to married couples should include both spouses. I can understand your cousin choosing not to invite a girlfriend of yours if they don’t know them but I think if a couple is serious / longstanding / living together / married, the invite should be for both of you!
But at the end of the date it is their wedding, they can choose who to invite, and you are perfectly within your rights to decline the invitation which I think your wife would appreciate.
I think it escalates the situation to something that it doesn’t really need to be if your mum and sister also decline the invitation just because your wife hasn’t been invited.
Did your cousin come to your wedding? If so did they have a plus one?
crapigavein@reddit
I’ve had invites with +1s and invites without - weddings are expensive and if the couple getting married doesn’t know my husband, I can understand why they wouldn’t want to add to their costs. Whether I accept the invite and go alone depends on whether I know other people there.
It’s really not that deep to politely decline the invite and wish them a happy wedding if you don’t want to go!
fastcarly@reddit
This. Maybe they just can't afford it. No need to be so upset and break up the family over something that really should be a celebration. It's just not that big a deal. Go to the wedding be happy for them. We don't get to celebrate a lot in life. It's too short.
RagingFuckNuggets@reddit
We're entering an era where people who will be going on love island wouldn't have been alive when it first aired.
Boredpanda31@reddit
I've been to weddings where no one got +1s - it was friends, and they didn't mind (probably because their spouses hate big social events 🤣). The way I see it is, it's their big day they can do what they like. My family is huge - if I was to get married nobody would be invited (i'd elope with immediate family only in attendance), but if i did invite them all with +1s, it would cost me a fortune.
You don't have to attend. Just RSVP no, and if they ask be honest that you don't feel comfortable attending without your wife.
ptr120@reddit
Have other cousins been given a +1? If not, this is clumsy communication. They may wish to keep the guest list small for cost or capacity reasons. However, they should have communicated that together with the invitation. Clarify the reason and then be the bigger man before you start world war 3 within the family.
For my wedding we had to navigate the no kids stipulation. We knew some guests would be pissed and went to lengths to explain our reasons. Everyone with kids came and said they enjoyed the child free night
Any_Preference_4147@reddit
If your wife and cousin get on I do think it's a bit strange, but that's just my opinion.
They're free to invite/not invite who they like, and you're free to decline.
I don't think it's worth falling out with family over. I can't understand why your mother and sister are getting involved though, it's quite entitled of them if I'm honest!
jennymayg13@reddit
As long as you’re not the only one who doesn’t get a plus one then I think it’s totally reasonable of them. Weddings are expensive, you say you are a small family, but you don’t know how big the family of the cousin’s future spouse is, or the size of the venue or their budget.
You’re also allowed to just not go if you don’t want to without your wife.
Euphoric_Rough_5245@reddit
I can see both sides of the situation they want to keep things small so the plus 1 people maybe the partners of the people already in their group of friends whom they see regularly but it would be daft to send a invite to each person separately so that’s why the plus 1 is only for some people. You’re assumption back fired and it’s okay to be hurt that you’re wife wasn’t invited, we’re allowed to have feelings and to voice them and to say no thank you I don’t want to do this now I understand the whole situation but talking about jeopardising future family meetings is childish. It’s their wedding, their choices you either suck it up or lose the small family that you have left. If it had been something really big I’d say sure family means more than blood but it’s not even a big thing it’s less than 1 day. You’ve probably spent more time at a workday than what’s being asked at a wedding from someone whom you see once or twice a year. It’s really not a big thing.
WonkyRodent@reddit
Wedding places can cost a significant amount per head, and may also be limited on numbers. Even small families both sides can quickly balloon if decisions aren't made about only inviting the necessary people.
cal42m@reddit
You see the relative once or twice a year? I wouldn’t expect a plus one for that. Traditions of being obligated to invite near relatives simply because they’re a relation are thankfully dying off.
I got married 20 years ago and it was awful having to go through all the relatives I felt guilted into inviting, sacrificing a spot for actual people in my life. Most of those relatives I saw once or twice after the wedding.
It would be different if you’re a close friend, but you’re not.
I’d either politely accept and go with your other relatives that you know or politely decline and say you’re not available.
silly_capybara@reddit
I have such a large family that even if i'd kept it to "cousins/uncles/aunties only +1 each" I am immediately looking at 60 people. I did not want these people at my wedding and we just told everyone we want a small wedding. We had 5 guests and I am so glad we kept it that way and had a wedding that both of us wanted
KelpFox05@reddit
Yeah, that's weird actually. If you're inviting a person, you invite their spouse. Not inviting boyfriends/girlfriends is one thing but if they're MARRIED, you invite them.
OkSun8521@reddit
Being married has absolutely nothing to do with it.
KelpFox05@reddit
So, you're getting married, and you're throwing a party, because being married is important. But apparently being married isn't so important that you can't invite the spouse of somebody that you care enough to invite? That's weird. Either being married is important or it's not important. Pick one.
melancholyy-scorpio@reddit
This exactly. Marriage is meant to be the invitation of joining a family. OP is family so, so is the wife by definition. I can understand OP 100%.
As you say, boyfriend/girlfriend is different.
Dimac99@reddit
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Unless you've a reason to believe this is a deliberate snub, there's no reason not to take your cousin's statement at face value. We all know the price of weddings is astronomical, even when people try to keep things small. Every head costs money and multiple "just one more person" requests are extra seats and extra covers, possibly meaning a larger venue as well. Go or don't go as you prefer, but being offended is a choice.
matto1985@reddit
At the end of the day, it's your cousins wedding so they can invite who they wish. No one should be offended that your wife wasn't invited and similarly your cousin shouldn't be offended that you're deciding not to go because of it.
If everyone is being treated the same, so only blood relatives are being invited for instance, no spouses at all, then fair enough. They want a small wedding and that's how their doing it.
However, if other spouses are invited but for some reason yours isn't, then I can understand why you're choosing not to go.
bellabanjsk@reddit
My cousin did the same thing as a cost saving measure and because she wanted to keep the guest list smaller. It didn’t occur to me to be offended. I think you are being childish honestly.
silly_capybara@reddit
hot take: people can invite to their wedding who they want. the wedding is about them, not your wife. You are free not to go if you wish so.
JamandMarma@reddit
If it’s a small wedding I’d just be happy to have made the cut at all. If your family will be there then you’ll have more than enough people to speak to.
codechris@reddit
I think you should grow up and rememeber that this isn't YOUR wedding or anything to do with you or your wife, but their wedding and how they want their wedding to be. You've made someone's wedding about you, well done
Maleficent-Win-6520@reddit
Just don’t go.
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