Parents: What was it like when you saw your darling child have to just get a job like everyone else?
Posted by box-o-locks@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 111 comments
I was recently watching a documentary about Ambulance crews. I thought how proud their parents must be watching their kids on TV dealing with all these patients and saving lives.
When people have kids, they have high hopes for them.
But what is it like if your child doesn't achieve? How does it feel when you see them grow up and get a job that doesn't make you proud (or even not have a job at all)?
Do you feel guilty? Responsible? Annoyed that all that work and expense bringing them up and they've decided they want to spend their life working in Screwfix?
emimagique@reddit
It's me, I'm the child!
I did really well at school, went to Cambridge and thought I was destined for great things but in the 10 years since graduating I've bounced from shitty boring job to shitty boring job. I guess I should be grateful I have a job at all but I can't bear the thought of doing my current job day in day out for the next 40-odd years.
My parents always said they didn't care what job I did as long as I was happy, but I'm not really :( I hope they're still proud of me anyway but I can't say I'm pleased with how things have turned out
Alert_Ad_5750@reddit
What’s stopping you from changing path if you’re unhappy? Money isn’t everything but it is something important still and how you make it shouldn’t make you deeply miserable.
You should try something new and stick at it, properly, become so good at it that you’re top of your game. You don’t have to love your job (people that do are fortunate) but it’s important to like it somewhat. So don’t settle for ‘how things have turned out’, you can change the trajectory. Go for it, put your all in, persevere and stay. Power through and you’ll find yourself in a position you get on with and go home feeling satisfied about and you will be getting paid much better than you are now.
emimagique@reddit
I am trying to change things but it's so difficult! I still don't really know what I want to do (other than crazy pipe dreams) and all I hear is doom and gloom about the job market which makes me think maybe I'd be better off putting up and shutting up haha. Also I feel like the things I'm good at are either impossible to make a living from or things that employers just don't value any more. So yeah I wish it were that easy but there are so many factors at play
Alert_Ad_5750@reddit
I found a happy medium when I got on my career trajectory, I liked my role but definitely not my dream but that’s okay. It was still a job I was proud of and I made good money and had overall a pleasant experience. In my free time I took up new hobbies and things like that, ended up really loving needle felting of all things 😆
So take the pressure off of yourself that it needs to be the most perfect job of your dreams. Have a bit of faith in yourself. Perhaps you could try something new and end up really liking it but what you’re doing now currently sounds comfortable but you want a bit more and it’s definitely easily doable. Just keep an eye out on the job market and if you see things that pop out to you and sound good then have a go applying…remember in an interview you’re also interviewing THEM and what they’re offering:)
Anyhow, hope it all works out whatever you decide to do!
Tarrybelle@reddit
Our family is autistic. To be able to get a job and maintain a job without burnout or being taken advantage of is not something we take for granted. I am happy if my daughter is happy and safe. Full stop.
porcelain_toenail@reddit
Don't listen to the chuds. Being happy and safe and able to enjoy life outside of work due to the independence it brings is all that matters. You sound like a great parent.
Tarrybelle@reddit
Thank you so much. That means alot. I have spent years blaming myself for what i couldnt achieve but I realise now that the world wasnt designed with my family's way of operating in mind.
porcelain_toenail@reddit
It's easy to blame yourself when it feels like the whole world and the systems in place are against you and your family. The most important thing in the world is that they're happy, and it sounds like you're managing to provide that.
Tarrybelle@reddit
I was only diagnosed last year at 39 years old and my school years and 20s make so much more sense now.
porcelain_toenail@reddit
It's equally wonderful and frustrating, isn't it? Everything makes so much more sense but how different would things be if we were diagnosed earlier?
(I was diagnosed at 28, so not as late as you, but it's helped me understand my childhood and teenage years a lot more)
Tarrybelle@reddit
I dont really try and rhink about that. I went to school in two different countries and taught in another two countries, diagnosis was never foijg tonbe possible and none of the systems would have been enough at the time. I just wish i could have spent my 20s in a less toxic place than I did.
SarahL1990@reddit
I spent over 10 years working in call centres before burning out. Life is hard when your brain doesn't work the way society expects.
SarahL1990@reddit
What is a chud?
porcelain_toenail@reddit
Someone who holds far-right views that, in this context, look down upon people with disabilities trying their best to get by.
Pretty sure your comment was 'bog off" or something before you removed it.
ManInTheDarkSuit@reddit
The user you're replying to didn't say that. It was somebody else.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/s/YOCTnODrVj
porcelain_toenail@reddit
I know, that's why I apologised.
ManInTheDarkSuit@reddit
Yep. My turn to apologise! Didn't see that.
porcelain_toenail@reddit
No worries!
SarahL1990@reddit
Someone said "bore off", that wasn't me.
porcelain_toenail@reddit
Apologies, I was mistaken.
Commercial_Fig_4412@reddit
Bore off 🤣
Anxious-Haggis@reddit
They’re right. It’s sad but the person in screwfix probably gets paid about the same as a paramedic. I used to work at an ambulance service and they’re literally heros.
Nothing wrong with either job of course, but we take the p*ss out of essential service people in this country.
Commercial_Fig_4412@reddit
Yeah definitely I don’t know who came up with the wage system here but they defo wasn’t thinking at all.
SarahL1990@reddit
How on Earth is their post either of those things?
BowiesFixedPupil@reddit
Asking if parents feel guilty or responsible for their kids not growing up into decent careers?
And you can't see how someone would find that either negative or derogatory? Come on now.
SarahL1990@reddit
I can see why it would be negative, but how is it derogatory?
KingGeedo91@reddit
It starts on the assumption that a person’s worth is tied to their job, and that jobs like screwfix mean you are worth less as a person. Ignoring all the other things that can contribute to “achieving”. It is a bit demeaning.
InsertObligatoryPun@reddit
The post literally asks if parents feel guilty or annoyed that they raised a child who just wants to work at a shop, like it’s a reflection on their parenting and not an adult making a choice or working within their limits.
YchYFi@reddit
My mum says she is proud of me anyway even if it is a job not a career.
BootlessCry@reddit
I work as a teacher and trying to get my colleagues to understand that there are so many different ways of living a good life makes me feel like I’m banging my head off a brick wall.
“But the kids don’t have any aspirations.”
No, they don’t share your aspirations: there is a difference.
CeaselessWatcher00@reddit
True, there isn't just one way to live your life. Happiness and health is worth more than a career or high salary.
YchYFi@reddit
I think the people who ask or make these assumptions are bitter about their own circumstances. They want others to be as unhappy as they are.
jnnewbe@reddit
Honestly? As long as my child is happy and healthy, it doesn't make a difference to me where she works. I'm proud of her no matter what. Right now, as a 5 year old, she wants to be a bin man girl and a teacher. If that sticks, great! If not? Also great!
Children owe parents nothing for bringing them up. It is not their burden to bring pride and happiness to the parents.
allthingskerri@reddit
I mean my parents are much more bothered that I'm happy in life vs the job I have. And it's the same I'm teaching my kids.
Hard work is always something to be proud of and that's the same if it's long days in care, teaching, retail, hospitality, ect ect.
AskUK-ModTeam@reddit
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Character_Check_3431@reddit
"...they've decided they want to spend their entire working life in Screwfix...". That's the mistake, it's not a decision one willingly makes but one thrust upon you owing to whatever circumstances life throws at you.
box-o-locks@reddit (OP)
I agree. But I'm asking how that feels from the parents' point of view.
Character_Check_3431@reddit
I'm a new parent. The best piece of advice I received from a friend, a father of two, was that the best education in the world pales into comparison if the children are brought up with poor etiquette and manners. The latter speaks volumes about their bringing up.
MudNext5256@reddit
Do you realise how incredibly judgemental you sound asking this question?
box-o-locks@reddit (OP)
Yes, very. But I'm not sure how else to put it.
I see so many people in dead-end jobs who haven't made anything with their life and think... they've got parents. How do their parents feels that they've put in all that work and they've just produced a loser?
Tarrybelle@reddit
Your parent arent happy with your life's trajectory, are they, or they have unrealistic expectations you have to meet.
box-o-locks@reddit (OP)
Sorry, I don't understand this statement.
abitofasitdown@reddit
But someone's job isn't their whole existence. They may be a good friend, or a carer to a family member, or volunteer at something, or make quilts or paint pictures or foster cats, or have an encyclopedic knowledge of the causes of the English Civil War, or whatever.
distraction_pie@reddit
Is an adult who is supporting themselves and living a life that they are happy with a really loser just because their employment isn't flashy?
Ok-Flatworm6098@reddit
Jfc, what an insane last statement.
Whoever raised you, raised a failure!
SarahL1990@reddit
Why are you judging people you know notihng about?
CeaselessWatcher00@reddit
I've got an Oxbridge degree (I don't come from a privileged background, I grew up on a council estate and was the first person in my family with a degree). I have a decent job, it has a fancy title even if not a massive salary (currently low 70s...hoping before I retire I might hit 6 figs...maybe!).
Neither of my children went to uni, one works (in a fairly low paying job) the other doesn't work and possibly never will. However both are happier in themselves than I ever was at their age. And tbh as a parent that was really what I wanted. I was always a square peg and found life really difficult (a lot of that was probably due to AuDHD). I'm also fortunate that I can support us all financially.
Sometimes I think maybe I should have done more when they were little, forced them to study etc. then I remember a colleague who is a horrendous helicopter parent and has written schedules for their teen to revise 7 hours a day with timed toilet and meal breaks...and think no I'm glad I left mine to it.
rcdchu74@reddit
Those schedules sound awful! Teen years are when you learn to manage that sort of thing yourself
Salty_Tree_Monster@reddit
I take it you’ve just had an interaction with a Screwfix employee.
box-o-locks@reddit (OP)
No - everyone is fixating on the mention of Screwfix.
I should have just written "a job with no real career progression".
Alert_Ad_5750@reddit
But that is a job with career progression if it’s used that way. It can be a solid a stepping stone in to learning product knowledge opening up opportunities for a more specialist sales role in the sector and then can lead in to procurement and from their potentially estimating, surveying etc.
Salty_Tree_Monster@reddit
You’re the one who said it. You’ve obviously posted this as engagement bait. I guess you got what you wanted.
Tarrybelle@reddit
Haha. Best comment ever.
Altruistic_Form_9808@reddit
In my family, just a couple of generations ago there was no choice. You were down the pit at 14 (assuming male), like it or not, and that was your lot until you were either too dead or too ill to continue.
Now we're lucky to have something resembling a choice, and there's nothing wrong with working at Screwfix.
If I were in any way ashamed of a child of mine making such a choice, I'd look at myself and realise I'm a bit of a prick.
Brettstastyburger@reddit
I would be gutted if after all the effort we've put into our son and the effort we plan to continue putting in, if he ends up in a minimum wage job with people who didn't have the luck he's had. But I'd also be gutted if he had a miserable life because we push him into a career or profession that he hates just to keep up with the "how's your kid doing" Jones.
There was a lad I went through school with, he was clever, headboy, good A-Levels, went to a top ten uni and studied a good degree. A decade after graduation and he's still working a minimum wage retail job, looks fat, unhealthy and unhappy. People talk about his perennial underachieving all the time.
YchYFi@reddit
I know a lot of people who had parents like that. They are not in the careers that their parents made them study for. Total burn out a lot of debt for a career they didn't want.
MidnightRambler87@reddit
I’ve always done admin grunt work.
My parents have never said once that they are proud of me.
But, they’ve never belittled me for doing so like you have with your Screwfix analogy.
catjellycat@reddit
He can work in Screwfix all his likes if it makes him happy. Being a paramedic probably doesn’t pay an awful lot more (it’s woefully underpaid) and the chances of my kid developing PTSD is way higher in the ambulance service than your high street’s local Screwfix.
My kids are eeking towards adulthood (well, one is officially there but still my kid) and I value everyday that they’re kind and good people that are my favourite to hang out with. Everything else is just a bonus.
Armodeen@reddit
Paramedic here, we’re actually decently paid these days, more so than the other emergency services and nurses at the base level. It’s also a pretty fun career, lots of laughs and good times.
Some bad also, obviously. The pandemic was a bit of a shitter.
rcdchu74@reddit
Why isn’t it a forever job anymore?
-Po-Tay-Toes-@reddit
All of the people at my local Screwfix are awesome, none of them seem like they want to kill themselves either so it can't be that bad a job.
TwoPlyDreams@reddit
Agree. Screwfix folk are awesome.
Jacobthebus@reddit
Have to agree here. The peeps at my local Screwfix have to be some of the nicest shop staff that I've ever come across. Always cheery, pleasant, talkative and helpful.
Spare-Garden9947@reddit
Getting a job of any sort is quite the achievement in the current climate. My eldest recently started and is bringing home a decent wage. He'd had enough of education and just wanted to earn, so he can have go and have some fun Iife. It might turn into a career,it might not, but at 19, he's got a chance to put a few £ away and he's a damn sight happier than with the sporadic weekend work he had prior to this. We're made up for him and as an added bonus I'm no longer bailing him out for petrol etc
FaxOnFaxOff@reddit
Others have attacked your post's tone already.
As a parent I want my kids to be happy, healthy, safe... and that includes having the means to support themselves, live a nice life, maybe afford to bring their own kids into the world.
So, sure, a 'respected' profession be it doctor, teacher etc. are automatic passes to both being a useful contribution to society at large and financial security (including pension)... or that used to be the case. Working in a factory or Screwfix were also fine, and hey, that's what most people did.
But do I think Screwfix provides a job for life that supports a mortgage on a detached house near good schools and pays for kids, partner, a car, holiday and a surviveable retirement? No offence to Screwfix, but I'm worried it doesn't. So if my kids aspired to Screwfix I'd want to check that their plans match their dreams.
It is guilt, but it's my guilt and my anger directed (unfairly?) on the Boomers who broke the social contract. I'm fucked, I dread to think what my kids have to look forward to... probably a zero hours contract in Screwfix followed by Ubering. Smh.
zippyzebra1@reddit
It's really only about happiness. Not ambition or achievement.
Emergency_Cellist754@reddit
That's quite a sneer you've got going on.
Anybody who is out there working for a living instead of sitting on their hole waiting for the next round of benefits is okay by me.
box-o-locks@reddit (OP)
Ok, so what about the parents of people sitting on their hole waiting for the next round of benefits?
Tarrybelle@reddit
What about the people waiting for benefits because an accident or illness means they cant work?
Emergency_Cellist754@reddit
What about them?
They might be disappointed, or they might not care because they've never done a day's work either and think that's the way the world is.
What are you even trying to ask, do you know?
YchYFi@reddit
That's bait and they are looking for an argument.
ChoreomaniacCat@reddit
It's like when people look down on fast food workers while still stopping off for McDonalds every day. If those workers you think have meaningless jobs suddenly all quit, the place would shut down.
Same for cashiers, waiters, retail staff, taxi or bus drivers, bin collectors, etc. People look down their noses at others not doing "proper jobs", but if they all packed it up tomorrow, we'd have no shops, no restaurants, little public transport and bins overflowing into our gardens.
Ding-Dong-Diddily@reddit
You sound like a very bitter person. A jobs a job. It’s so hard to find work these days, so whatever job people can find is good enough for them.
Silly-Tax8978@reddit
I worked with a guy at a FTSE100 company. He was a few rungs up the ladder from me and probably earned upwards of £400k per year all in. 40 years old, doing very well. Took his own life due to the stress, leaving behind a wife and kids. I bet they wish he’d worked at Screwfix. As long as your kid is happy, that’s all that is important.
louwyatt@reddit
I am that child. Went to university did a undergraduate and post graduate degree. Its all anyone in my family could talk about.Then struggled to get a job so ended up working at a hotel doing cleaning. Then moved on to doing reception at the same hotel. My mum then passed away 2 months later. I just lacked all motivation since then. Gave up on the idea of moving away to get a job and am i happy doing my reception job.
Its very clear my family are very disapointed but they have remained supportive. Especially as i was the one kid who seemed like he would be successful in the family.
I had a tramatic childhood, substance issues and then mother passed away when i was 23. This is the only time i've ever been happy in my life, so i really don't care what my family think. I've made many mistakes in my life, choosing happiness over success is not one of them.
SuperDinkle406@reddit
Relief. It is hard in the current economy. I was just relieved they found something they liked, were good at, and could start their adult life with.
Awkward-Impress-2636@reddit
Aren’t we on the verge of an unemployment crisis in young people?
tharrison4815@reddit
What’s important to me is that they are happy and that they can provide for themselves.
I don’t even know what you are talking about when you say “achieve”. Achieve what? Am I supposed to want them to all be doctors, lawyers, scientists and astronauts or something?
If they’re able to pay their bills and be happy then I’ll be proud.
CraftyTadpole2488@reddit
What’s wrong with working at screwfix?
Tarrybelle@reddit
Exactly
Beer-Milkshakes@reddit
Judging on who the employer is, is so 20th century. A privilege from another time back when jobs grew on trees and a firm handshake birthed a 40 year career.
If its stable and pays alright then its golden and worth praise.
Alert_Ad_5750@reddit
What’s wrong with people working in Screwfix? Are you one of those people who look down their nose at the construction sector? I assure you the construction trade is filled with amazing people and a very fulfilling variety of extremely high skilled and very well paid roles.
When my kids grow up, as long as they’re able to make themselves comfortable money wise, able to have good relationships with people and on the whole simply happy in life then i will be proud of them.
jasminenice@reddit
I can think of worse places to work than Screwfix. I doubt it's even the worst retail job.
schaweniiia@reddit
I've never subscribed to the concept of parental pride. Happiness and independence is all I'll ever care about.
Small_Dragonfly@reddit
My eldest works in Maccies and has done since he was 16, he’s now 21. It’s not his career choice, not the qualifications he gained but also not his future plans.
He has however worked hard enough to save for a deposit and brought his first home. He’s now looking for a job that puts his years of college to good use.
He’s mentally sound. He’s happy. He’s proud of his achievements. He knows McDonalds isn’t forever so he’s content where he is. I am happy because he’s happy and I’m so incredibly proud of him.
My children being happy and in a good place mentally is all I want in life. If they are that then they can do whatever job they want.
Toe_Bean_Bandit@reddit
Health and happiness is all most people wish for their children. If they are happy working at Tesco or a call centre then so be it. Success in their career does not always equal happy, and most of those in very successful positions (doctors, lawyers, bankers) are grossly overworked and miserable at times.
IllustriousNobody947@reddit
So I have a couple of degrees and a white collar job. My sister is a sales assistant in a shop. Career is just one thing, she's achieved far more than I have in other areas.
I find questions like this incredibly narrow-minded and rude. Screwfix are great and all the staff I've spoken to there are polite and knowledgeable people.
Sutekh_23@reddit
Are they happy at Screwfix? Then shut the fvck up, tell them you love them and are proud of the adults they’ve become.
edgecumbe@reddit
Its all a matter of context. If you were a Director of a museum of TV company and your son went to private school, had violin lessons, played in the local rugby or cricket team and now works at Screwfix, you may be struggling with that. Because it doesnt align with what you sought out career wise yourself. Your child has different values to you. That can be tough.
If you had an adjacent or lower paying/status career, you would be pleased for them. If you struggled to find work at all, or were homeless yourself, or struggled with health issues your working life, you'd be delighted. Its all relative.
But I agree that most parents just want their kids to be fulfilled, happy and as healthy as they can be.
iceman2g@reddit
Who my kids are as people is far more important than what they do for a living.
Unless they're an estate agent.
Agnesperdita@reddit
Seeing my children happy, competent, confident, earning a living, existing independently of us and generally adulting away cheerfully and enjoying their lives. Oh, the horror!
Spare_Airport_6002@reddit
Working class contempt, much?
web3monk@reddit
A lot of peoples impact isn't to do with their job.
Bksudbjdua@reddit
You had me until Screwfix. What's wrong with working there?
SarahL1990@reddit
I'd be proud of my kids regardless of what job they have.
flangeflangeflanges@reddit
Nothing the matter with working in screwfix fgs. The only thing I’d be embarrassed about is if they didn’t want to work and were lazy.
dinkingdonut@reddit
I don't have any expectations of what my primary age children are going to be. I want them to be happy and healthy, and hopefully that they make enough money whatever they do to feel comfortable and secure.
unbelievablydull82@reddit
My son hasn't got a job yet, he's autistic and struggles with the usual stuff autistics struggle with. However, he has started working with a charity his photography teacher runs, and sold a photo at a posh event in London this April, alongside a banksy. Chris packham did a talk and also had some art work for sale. To see my anxiety ridden, ASD/ADHD son, who doesn't believe he is of any use to anyone, sell his first photo for a charity event with established artists was incredible. He isn't even bothered that he made money, he was more interested in the card his cousin wrote to him, telling him how proud she is of him
RedditMrJay@reddit
What they do during weekdays, and how much money they have, makes 0 difference to the sense of pride I would have to my son
That being said, rocket scientist or chief animal vet at a big zoo would be kinda cool...
Polarwarrior@reddit
I’d rather be happy at Screwfix than un-happy at Barnsley County Council. Life is what you make of it. (This is a dumb thread)
Rhesus-Positive@reddit
Would your parents be proud that you're being a massive snob about the retail industry?
Ipoopedinthefridge@reddit
As long as my girls are happy i’m fine with that.
leeksbadly@reddit
I would be proud they were holding down a job and doing it well, how they live their life is far more important.
Not everyone is cut out to be a rocket surgeon, we shouldn't be disappointed about that.
SkynBonce@reddit
"About fucking time"
Fun-Marionberry9907@reddit
Um, I’d be perfectly happy if my kid worked at Screwfix as long as he was happy working at Screwfix. Working at Screwfix is a perfectly fine job? My hopes for him are more will he be happy? Will he be kind? Will he be a good friend? Will he find things that interest him? These don’t have to be paid interests, maybe he’ll really love model railways or collecting vintage toys or travelling and his Screwfix job will just pay the bills and leave him money for his interests.
Jigglypuffs_quiff@reddit
Are they happy at screwfix ? Because id rather my adult child was happy at screwfix than contemplating suicide at the bank of England
Apprentice_human@reddit
You sound a bit snide mate bet you're real pleasant to service workers
Renew3DUK@reddit
You dream about your kids being doctors or world famous when they're young, and still have potential to be a genius at....something.
As they get older. You dream about them being happy, healthy, and doing better than you were at thier age.
Mines doing better than I was at 20. I couldn't be prouder or happier.
cuppteaguv@reddit
If they've decided that's what they want to do, are content in that choice, and their life seems happy and stable, then that's a success.
pinkloafers@reddit
Most people just want their kids to be stable and happy. Regardless of what job they end up doing. Life is more than a job.
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