One year anniversary of my dad's death

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greatflicks@reddit

I won't tell you it gets easier. I'm 2 years in to losing both my parents in a one month span. Just sucks. I do try to remember the lessons they taught me. Both were very stoic, not that I don't feel it, just manage it.

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Novel_Ad5470@reddit

I’m almost to the 6 month mark, and I know exactly how you feel. I lost my hero.

I try to remember the saying, “Grief is the price we pay for love,” or something like that. I miss him so much because I was fortunate to have such a good dad. And that’s not something everyone gets in this life.

Sounds like you had a good one, too. My condolences. You are not alone.

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Moana06@reddit

It sucks...both of my parents are gone... Sorry

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travelinmatt76@reddit

Lost my mom in 1997. I'm not good with advice or comforting words though.

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Apawling_Behavior@reddit

So sorry for your loss. For me it’s been 20 yrs. It certainly gets easier, but it never gets ‘right’, ever again. You’ll miss him until you can’t miss any longer. Then they’ll miss you!

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CoolJeweledMoon@reddit

My thoughts are with you, OP. I lost my dad last September, & I'm in a mental fight with myself today to call my step-mom to check on her. I love her dearly, but it's become clear to me that I avoid calling her because the reality that my dad's gone hits me so hard when I talk to her!

Plus, a few months after he passed, I literally happened to buy a condo he used to live in! He drilled it in my head not to be emotional when it comes to real estate, so I didn't factor emotions into it, but damn - it really hits hard sometimes that he used to live there!

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Strong-Object-9583@reddit

I’m sorry, it’s so hard. It’ll be a year next month that we lost our dad / papa. Hugs to you.

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TheRealFinatic13@reddit

sawft

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ItsDarwinMan82@reddit

You sound like a jealous prick that maybe didn’t have what OP had with his/her dad.

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JazzHandsNinja42@reddit

Not easier…just….less abruptly debilitating. I lost my dad in 2018. I still can’t look at pictures or really talk about him. Have a few saved voice mails that I can’t bear to hear. But I don’t think about the vast hole in my heart every minute of every day. I can smile and laugh and all that stuff; it’s just…the world will always be less colorful.

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pupper71@reddit

26 years today my dad died. It still hits me sometimes, not as often or as hard in the first few years.

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flyboy_za@reddit

8 years for my mom this last weekend.

It gets easier, but there will be days where you'll feel properly disconnected and out of sync. And there will be little things which catch you out, even years later - you hear a song in the mall which you know they loved, or similar - and you'll be completely blindsided.

But yeah, it gets easier. My sister and I still go out for burgers on my mom's birthday - her favourite food, she had pretty simple tastes - and will have her favourite cocktail on Mother's Day, just as our own little way of keeping her in our thoughts.

Perhaps something similarly quite deliberate is worth a try for you. Big hugs for you, OP.

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MessageOk2410@reddit

I’m sending love your way. Today is five months since I lost my dad. It’s hard.

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JfPickups@reddit

I am sorry for your loss.

Over time you will most likely be able to "put the grief away" for longer and longer periods but I suspect it will always be there. Also, the severity of how much the grief "takes you down" for a little bit, will ebb and flow.

It's been 35 years since my Mom and 6 years since my Dad passed, and yet while watching a rom-com (that involves the main character moving on with their life despite the death of their Mom), I fell into one of the harder rips of grief I've experienced in a couple years. I recovered fairly quickly from the harshness but then was able to enjoy that fact that the loss of my Mom, still matters in a great and fundamental way to me after several decades.

When the grief comes for you, hold on, you will make it through.

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Melodic_War327@reddit

10 years for me. It still hits sometimes at unexpected intervals. There's no getting over it, there's learning to live with it. And the hope, the faith, that I will see him again when it comes to glory.

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Sensitive_Class_4133@reddit

Man, my mom’s 1 year anniversary was yesterday. I was a wreck too. My dad, brother and I went to breakfast and we got back to their house to plant some flowers and a cardinal appeared. I haven’t seen a cardinal in a few years. Gave me some comfort that she was with us.

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WhiteRabbitFox@reddit

I keep this quote around for occasions like this,

"The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it.
You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to."
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

I'm gonna be real open and honest here - a person doesn't, and can't, "get over it". Instead you incorporate it and learn to live with it. People do this in diff ways of course.
It might take a month. It might take 10 years. It might be never.

I had a family member die about 15 yrs ago from sudden health issues, and I'm still not "over it". I prob never will be. I miss them and I wish they were still here.
But that doesn't control me; but it does make me realize more that life is precious and it's made to be lived.

Enjoy your friends and family while you can.
Cry and hug and love.

I'm sorry for your loss. ❤️

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Quickwitknit2@reddit

10 years for me. I won’t eat it gets better, it just gets different. I still randomly start bawling at things that remind me of him. Hugs from a stranger in the club.

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LessBig715@reddit

My Father died may 27th 2023, I think about him everyday. I miss him dearly. I would give away everything I have, just to have one more conversation with him. I wasted so much time, in my teens, 20’s and early 30’s I was hardly ever around. I missed so many holidays with him, I have regrets to say the least. Before he got really sick, him and me did get to take a trip to Biloxi, Mississippi, I finally got to shoot craps with my Dad. I’ll never forget it

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Hairy-Preference-824@reddit

Almost 7 years now. It feels like he is still here, we recycle his standard jokes and remarks. You always knew if you started about a topic, he would always deliver the same joke! Sometimes turn into him a little bit. (I’m aware)

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VirginiaRNshark@reddit

(Hugs)

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Any_Albatross_1062@reddit

I lost my Dad on Christmas Eve '22, 2 weeks after a stroke. I've been blindsided like this by grief.

As others have said, the year of firsts was brutal. I don't even remember the first 6 months all that well. Funnily enough, the first anniversary being on Christmas Eve helped a bit since there was lots of family and we new he always loved having us all together.

His birthday? I could barely get out of bed.

I say it took about 2 years to get through the worst of the grief. The only way out was through.

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strongdon@reddit

Sorry friend, peace and love and all dad's joy to you...

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Arvid38@reddit

Hey…. I lost my dad seven years ago today and I’m a wreck. Give yourself some grace. It gets “easier” with time but it never completely goes away. Grief is something you have to learn to walk with once it enters your life 🫶🏼.

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Solid-Bee-1613@reddit

Every year feels a little different. 13 years since my dad passed. You will always miss him, but the heavy feelings of grief have eased for me. Sometimes it will be just a silly ridiculous memory that gets me teary about him. We worked together for over 20 years, the first few years without him at work everyday were tough. My sincerest condolences to you.

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tc_cad@reddit

Yeah, the one year anniversary of my Dad dying is later this month. He never had a funeral, his second wife cremated him two days after death. I’m very upset with her. She has never made it right.

My sisters and my cousins all agree we have to figure this out. My cousins got involved when their Dad died a few months after my Dad died. We are just a bunch of hurting sad 30, 40 and 50 year olds.

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Ok_Kick6546@reddit

Hold your own memorial service. And I’m sorry your stepmother is an asshole. ❤️

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tc_cad@reddit

This is what we are going to do. My sister will be in charge of that.

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PepperCat1019@reddit

I am so sorry. Instead of being filled with tears, remember the good times you had with him💜

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LongoSpeaksTheTruth@reddit

Experiencing grief 1 year later, 10 years later or for the rest of your life (which is most likely), is just a continuation of the love you had for that person ... And it's OK. Be Well.

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Drawn66@reddit

It's the great mystery of human life that old grief passes gradually into quiet tender joy.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

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Curious_Catlady1@reddit

My condolences to you. This kind of thing was a surprise to me as well. I lost my dad unexpectedly in 2022…I had already lost my mother when I was young, and I was never especially affected by the anniversaries. Losing my dad was different, as I suppose all losses are. For me, “the firsts” after he died were very difficult: his birthday, my birthday, holidays, etc…Grief is such a strange and unpredictable thing. Sometimes now I feel myself sadder than I was early on…People often reference the “waves of grief;” for me grief feels more like a tornado that I spin around in for a while—often unexpectedly—and then I’m spit back out again! I would recommend, because it call all be so unpredictable, to mostly try to be kind and patient with yourself. Don’t judge yourself or your emotions—the strength, the timing, or the length. Everything you’re feeling is okay, understandable, and signifies your love for your dad. When you’re ready, maybe do something to honor him, like a thing you two shared or enjoyed together. My dad loved food & cooking more than anything, so I try to make one of his favorite recipes. Rest in this time for yourself. 💕 Hug.

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jonathanfin@reddit

Sorry for your loss. My dad passed when I was 12. I wish I had more photos of him. That’s partly why I made http://getdadscaped.com - it’s an archive to recognize ordinary dads

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Zantheus@reddit

Hey OP, what did your dad liked to do? Fishing? Hunting? make money?

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nightmer5@reddit

Hugs. Give yourself some grace. June is already rough with Father's Day. I'm 4.5 years in and still get hit by missing my dad. And take a moment to reflect on all the good memories - that's why you have tears, after all.

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AZNM1912@reddit

Im so sorry for your loss. My Dad’s one year anniversary is coming up on June 17th. I’m dreading that day.

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68024@reddit

Take the day off!

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B1ustopher@reddit

I lost my dad 5 years ago last month after he fell as he was coming out of the gym. He lived for 34 days after he fell.

It does get easier to navigate your life after such a loss, but some days are harder than others. I was barely functional for a few months after his death, withdrew from school for the semester (went back in my 50s!) and still had trouble functioning for a while, and about six months after he died I ended up on antidepressants for about a year. If you find yourself still struggling, meds may be in order. If you don’t think you need them, please feel free to ignore and move on.

Hang in there. Things will get better. 💕

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MundaneHuckleberry58@reddit

I’m sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad 10 years ago. Some days, weeks, months will go by & I’m okay. Then one day I’ll think of something I wish I could get his advice about, and then I’m a wreck. This year has been really rough for whatever reason. 😭

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remarkablewhitebored@reddit

My dad passed about 5 years ago, and every time a memory comes up I treasure it.

Miss you dad, and Fuck Cancer.

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Infamous-Bag6957@reddit

My mom passed unexpectedly in 2003 and my dad in 2022 after a long illness/decline. The shock of my mom's passing was more intense, but the loss of my dad has been harder to navigate. To be fair, I was closer with him but I guess in a way I expected to "move on" (this is not the correct term, but I am unsure how else to say it) quicker because we knew it was coming and had already been through several of the stages of grief leading up to his passing.

That has not been the case at all. I wouldn't necessarily say that it has been easier or more difficult, just different. Some years I can't get out of bed that day, and others I spend listening to the playlist I made of all the music we enjoyed together. Sometimes it looms on the calendar and other times I've been like, oh tomorrow is 3 years.

Thanksgiving is by far the hardest because it was his favorite holiday. I haven't quite graduated from the "getting stupid drunk" to get through it phase of that day yet, but I know I need to.

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JenniferJuniper6@reddit

Well, we’re coming up on five years for my mother—one week from today. It’s not necessarily easier, but it occupies less of my conscious mind.

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NanaSayWhat@reddit

I lost my Dad 53 years ago. Grief is very real. It changes, and our relationship with it changes, too. I’m now 31 years older than my Dad was when he died. Next year I’ll be twice the age he was. I still miss him. And I mourn all the milestones in my life that he wasn’t there for, my whole life really.

Show grace to yourself by allowing yourself to mourn, cry and take some time to process how you’re feeling.

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JiveTurkeyII@reddit

You just live with the wound.

It never heals. Sometimes it crusts over and sometimes it weeps - and so do you.

My father and I had a complicated relationship, but MAN was he a neat person. I have anger at him, sometimes - but only because I missed him so damned much and he had a hard time with feelings.

When I'm really missing him - Well, I throw on The Complete "Shine On you Crazy Diamond" on Vinyl and just "deal". Whether that means Weeping or Rocking.

I cant think of a song that fits him better.

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raisinghellions@reddit

Woof what a song

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raisinghellions@reddit

Coming up on 2 years here. It does get easier. There’s still times that are hard, but that first year is unique with all of its firsts … first holidays without dad, first birthdays, anniversaries, etc

I’ve noticed this year I’m not crying so much leading up to the crapiversary, but I’ve been unnecessarily grumpy and need to work on that.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard.

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reddaddiction@reddit

I feel for you, man. My one year will come up in July. This shit is hard.

Take care.

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BillsBells65@reddit

Cry all you want. I am 61 and lost both my parents before I turned 7. I still cry sometimes thinking about them.

Justice to remember all the good times too, because at the end of the day he would want you to be happy.

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mrabbit01@reddit

After 3 years of losing my Dad, it does get a bit easier. Coincidentally, I just went to visit his grave site. It still hurts. A lot of memories that I will treasure forever. Just before he got ill, he told me I ow proud he was of me, my wife and son. I miss his voice and his laughter. He was rather serious so I would pull no punches to make him laugh. I know the grief will always be there but the memories he left behind are priceless. It's all bittersweet.

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Totally_not_Carl@reddit

I lost my dad in 2008 due to PSP (Progressive Supra nuclear Palsy), it's been just about 18 years now. I've had a kid, got my degree, and every damn day I still think about him. When I do I get a pang in my chest..I am immediately thinking about all I did not get to share with him. It hasn't gotten any easier for me...just really really different. Just hoping I am making him proud, never knowing if I am being a good dad...a good husband.

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rycallan2@reddit

Although the pain lessens, the empty seat remains.
I find it most comforting to still talk to him, and ask for advice and guidance when working on projects he’d have loved to be involved in with me.
Hugs to you.

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Fulghn@reddit

My father(74) and my younger brother(54) died in 2020 and 2022. I was an internal mess for a number of years. I don't think that kind of pain ever goes away, it simply becomes less of your right now.

What really began to help me is when I could say thing like 'Yeah dad would have like that' or similar inclusions of their memory that bring more joy and gratitude than pain. It took me time to get there - and like you there are still times that the tears just well up. I make an effort to not lean into it, but I don't bottle it up either.

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Standard_Cabinet_149@reddit

it gets "different" and you really need to remember and constantly remind yourself when you are struck with sadness that grief is not a linear path.

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Mermaid_Lily@reddit

I lost my dad 5 years ago. The anniversary is always hard, but it seems to get a little easier with each passing year. I still have tears sometimes. I miss that old man. Eventually, so they say, you'll find yourself able to say "huh-- it's (whatever date)," and you'll still feel sad, but you'll be able to function.

.

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FuzzyScarf@reddit

I lost my dad last year as well. It sucks. It really does. My grief therapist says this year may be a difficult year as far as grief, and it is. Sending you hugs.

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whiporee123@reddit

Been 26 years for me. Still dream about him sometimes.

Never goes away. Does get easier.

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MightyCaseyStruckOut@reddit

25 years for me and I echo your sentiment.

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LadyNorbert@reddit

The first anniversary is always the hardest. It's absolutely normal for those feelings to come back. Gentle hugs to you if you want them.

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TheCenterOfEnnui@reddit

I lost my dad in the past year too. It fucking sucks. I miss his voice. At the end, he wasn't really talking about much more than stories I'd already heard 100 times but I could always talk sports w/ him. I would always call him on the way home from work. That's when it hits me the most.

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JohnMac67@reddit

I feel this..called him when driving typically once per week. Sometimes we chatted for 10 minutes and sometimes an hour. Shared a joke or two, got the most trustworthy advice I could ever have and just liked to her his voice. Ok now a tear is rolling down my face

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Emotional-Swan9381@reddit

This is how grief works. I miss my friend a year later more than in the beginning because now it’s more time without him. 💔❤️‍🩹💛

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grayhairedqueenbitch@reddit

I lost a friend about a year and a half ago,and that's what's happening to me.

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Emotional-Swan9381@reddit

It sucks

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Mini-Builder1313@reddit

14 years for me, the date doesn't get to me as much. But I will get hit by a song or other occurrence randomly. I bawled the first time I made deviled eggs after he died, he always asked me to bring them for every gathering. But I've also noticed more instances where I'll have a happy memory hit me too.

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Queengnpwdrgelatine@reddit (OP)

My dad always asked me to bring deviled eggs too. I haven't made them even once in the last year. Maybe today will be the day.

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Awe3@reddit

I lost my dad a few years ago on his 79th birthday after a long battle with Parkinson’s. I still get teary every now and then. But that first year was rough. It gets easier. But don’t fret that you still show emotion when thinking of your loved ones. You’re doing good mate. 🫂

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Grizzl0ck@reddit

My heart goes out to you. Over 10 years here, and what hurts most is that I forget the date.

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Fudloe@reddit

It does get easier. Grief is a weird thing.

When my Ol' Man being gone hits me (which it'll always do, from time to time), I just go do one of the many things we did together. Either by myself or with my own son.

Turns the loss into a better memory and stirs up tons of great ones, too.

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wmnoe@reddit

My father died 39 years ago this month when I was 16 on my last day of my Junior year of HS. It never gets any easier, you just learn to live with it. June 10th historically has been a horrible day for me. One year I almost got into a fight with a coworker and walked out of a job.

I missed my senior prom because it fell on the 1 year anniversary. My dads best friend was an artist and he had an opening show that night I attended instead and got really drunk on free wine and champagne...then went to the after prom on a boat which was awesome.

but yeah....I've already lived 15 years longer than my father (I'm 55, he passed at 40) but I miss him daily. It got worse after I became a parent. I so wish he were here to see the father I've become.

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Ignominious333@reddit

I'm so sorry. Yesterday was the 1 year mark of losing my dad. The thing that's made it ok for me is knowing he was ready when he left and he's free from the body that had really broken down.

I always try not to mark the days of loss, but they do loom up, anyway. My mom had dementia so in a way it's almost pointless to share this with her.

Do something that they he lived, whether it's an activity or a meal or s treat. Something that connects to him and honors him.

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katiekat214@reddit

Last Saturday was 12 years since I lost my dad. I wish I u
Va could say it gets easier. Some years it’s better than others, but it always hurts at least a little. This year was especially for some reason.

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Psychological-Lack98@reddit

Grief is a wound that never heals. It gets better with time, but doesn't fully heal.

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Sitting_pipe@reddit

I'm so sorry...big hugs

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DadofJM@reddit

Tomorrow is the 46th anniversary of my Dad's sudden passing. Some years I remember, some I don't. Pretty sure only have gone into deep funk a couple of times.

But everybody is different. There are no "right" ways to grieve. It does get better over time.

Hang in there.

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RevToy@reddit

Sorry to hear it. I wish I could say it gets easier…but it doesn’t. At least it hasn’t for me. One month from today marks 14 years my Pop has been gone and I’m usually pretty worthless on July 1 every year.

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Badrear@reddit

I do think it gets easier, but that doesn’t mean it gets easy. It’s been over three years for me, and I’ll go weeks or months without tears, but then I’ll come across a thread like this and start bawling.

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JackWylder@reddit

10 year anniversary of losing my dad. The loss never lessens and the hurt doesn’t stop, but you do learn to live with it. Talk to him. Sometimes it seems to help.

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Robviously-duh@reddit

mom passed in 1991 right after I graduated from college.. dad in 1998 right after son was born.. it gets easier, slowly... the pain fades and the happy memories become more present.. focus on the good memories

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Demiloki@reddit

This. It does get easier with time. Let the emotion wash over you, it’s real, and there is no shame or weakness at all in it. Loss is hard.

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Robviously-duh@reddit

perfect

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grayhairedqueenbitch@reddit

It's been almost 3 months for me (March 4). I was teaching a class when I got the news.l (text from my Mom since my phone was silenced and I missed the call). I got through the class without breaking down and made it home. Ironically, I had just started writing his obituary when it happened I later learned. Now that the semester is over, I'm experiencing delayed grief. We will have a memorial service in a couple of weeks since my Dad did not want a funeral. Now we are also getting ready to say goodbye to my Mom.

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Chibi-Skyler@reddit

I lost my dad 26 years ago. The day after Father's Day.

I lost Mom in 2000, 2 days before Christmas.

I still miss them both. One can't and shouldn't rush grief.

Be good to yourself, OP.🕊️

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Suspicious_Monk674@reddit

I lost my dad, going on 3 years ago. He lived in FL, I lived in STL.

I coukd tell something was going on the last few years. Almost 3 years ago to this day, he and my mom came to visit. He was VERY adamant about doing certain things when he was here. I noticed it, but didnt dig into too much.

When they were leaving, he gave me the biggest hug I have EVER gotten from him. As they drove away, I knew it was going to be the last time I saw 1 of them. What I didn't realize was less than 3 months later, he would pass. I thought I had at least a year.

Anyway, my advice to you is this. Honor him on his Birthday and the day he passed by doing something he would do. For me, my dad always likes to help people out. I always do this, but I make an extra effort on this days when I am able too. My favorite is to go to Aldi, but gift cards and give them to random people. I'm usually crying while I do it, but when I get in my car, I feel his presence more than normal.

No, it doesnt get much better, but doing little things like that, things to honoring him, helps my healing.

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Bright_Broccoli1844@reddit

My mother died eons ago. A few months ago, I was sitting in my cubicle at work when I started crying because I missed her. I was able to leave work early that day.

Grief comes and goes.

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ThginkAccbeR@reddit

I had the same problem. My dad died in 2003 and every year since then I take at least the day he died off if not days on either side of it.

It does get easier, but it never completely goes away.

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CityBoiNC@reddit

My father passed about a yr and a few months. Honestly im just happy he’s not in pain anymore. I still feel i haven’t mourned properly, maybe i will never.

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kanine69@reddit

I’m a bit the same, I know he wasn’t keen on getting too old, that helps I think.

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ceviche_dumpling@reddit

It’s closer to a decade since my dad died, and while some days I can pretend that he’s puttering around in his house, or forget that he’s not around, there are days (& events) when it hits hard.

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Bright_Broccoli1844@reddit

I want to acknowledge the anniversary of your dad's death.

Take care of yourself.

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Careless_Ocelot_4485@reddit

I remember someone saying the 2nd year is the hardest because it makes it more real. I spent the first year after my mom died in a daze. It's been 16 years and while I won't say it "gets easier", I've learned to live with the Mom-sized hole in my heart. Wishing you peace.

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McSmackthe1st@reddit

I still miss my dad. He passed in 2024 on the night of The Golden Globes Awards. So every year when there’s all this promotion for those awards all I think about is my dad.

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genericname111100@reddit

It does not get easier but it gets less hard. My mom passed in 2023. I don’t recall being emotional on my birthday in 23, 24, 25 but this year I was emotional all day. It comes and goes. The grief may bubble up to the surface when you do not expect it. Give yourself grace and kindness on those days.
I’m sorry for your loss.

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butterflygardyn@reddit

All the firsts that first year are difficult. It does get better. My dad's been gone for 7 years now. I would suggest taking that day off in future. It's ok to have a dark day of remembrance every year.

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LibertyMike@reddit

My dad died a few years ago (May 2022). I miss him, but it does get easier over time, especially if you accept that it's all a part of living.

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Thin-Quiet-2283@reddit

My father died in 2014, the first few years were rough. We were close. It gets better over time but you still remember. My mother’s passing date is coming next week, I’m okay with it now but we weren’t as close. I may buy some flowers to remember her.

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lifeisfascinatingly_@reddit

Sending strength and hugs. It doesn’t get easier. There’s a melancholy that remains but you just learn to live with it.

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CanadianExiled@reddit

Like many have said, no it doesn't get easier. You just get around to accepting it. My dad has been gone since 2011, he passed on Remembrance Day so I tend to get emotional then, Father's Day, and his Birthday.

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Hoon0967@reddit

Hey Friend, I lost my dad 8 years ago May 4th. I hadn’t shed a tear over him in years but for some reason this year it hit me hard and I had myself a little cry party. However, I switched my focus to how blessed I was to have a good man for a father, and tears of sadness became tears of joy and thanks, and let me tell you that there is a great difference between tears of sadness and tears of joy. You loved your dad and the wound is still fresh so go ahead and cry. Your wound will heal, it will get better, but you will always bear a scar from it, and like me, it might flare up when you least expect it, but that’s ok too, because love doesn’t die.

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Eastern_Habit_5503@reddit

My Dad passed away many years ago. After the first 5 years or so, it did get “easier” for me. Father’s Day is still tough to get through though. I hope you have lots of good memories of your Dad to think of.

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Primary-Golf779@reddit

Only useful "advice" I got when my dad died when I was 13 was "they say time makes it easier, and in a way it does. You get more used to how bad it sucks. It never sucks less, its just the new normal." That has been my experience. Im 49 now and still think about him daily. Sorry for your loss, friend. So it goes

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Narrow-Dimension6427@reddit

My dad passed march 28, 2026 - we’re having a service July 31st - it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Hugs to you!

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Zantheus@reddit

Almost 2 years since my dad died. I dream of him less often now. Still trying to pick up the pieces bit by bit.

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CardinaLiz4@reddit

I always think of the dreams as getting a visit.

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Zantheus@reddit

Same. I know it has more to do with my own psychology but it helps if i think about it that way. I told him to visit his grand kids once in a while when he gets bored fishing marlins in the big blue sky on his sky yacht.

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CardinaLiz4@reddit

Awww 🫂

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RusselTheWonderCat@reddit

I just passed my father’s 1 year anniversary. It was rough.

Take some time to do something nice for yourself. It’s ok to not be ok.

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Happy_Veggie@reddit

It come and goes, it gets easier with time, but at the same time, the grief is different with time, and the grief is different for everyone.

I lost my dad (fuck you cancer) the day before I turned 33 and 16 yrs later it hits differently. He would be 78 this year and there are so many things I didn't get to do with him. That's what's hurting the most right now.

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fireyqueen@reddit

I feel this so much. Lost my mom to cancer in 2013. I was 35.

The grief stops being all consuming but I’ve really felt her absence these past few years as my kids have graduated high school and moved into being young adults. I really wish she was here so I could ask her things. She’d be so proud of those kids

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kmerian@reddit

My dad passed a couple of years ago, and there are days it still hits hard. In time it does get easier, but the pain is always there.

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Equal_Trash6023@reddit

My dad passed in '89 of a heart attack. When I turn 44 (eons ago) I started having panic attacks.

I still miss him everyday. I know he's watching over though.

I have had several instances where I've seen him. Twice when my daughter was in the hospital. My daughter had open heart surgery at 3 months due to a heart defect. I woke up early in the morning (about 3:30): and saw him standing over her crib. I looked at him, he smiled. I went to stand next to him and he was gone when I turned my head. That is when I knew everything was going to be okay. (She had just gotten out the surgery.)

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SceptileArmy@reddit

I’m sorry for your loss. Grief is hard. When we experience a significant loss, our world stops but others proceed as normal.

Remember that grief isn’t considered prolonged unless it remains intense for over 2 years. You are still in the window where your bereavement is “new.”

Friday will be the ninth anniversary of my youngest son’s death. He died 2 months short of his 9th birthday. He has now been dead longer than he lived. As a bereaved dad, it took a full 2 years before I could go 15 minutes without thinking him and the loss.

Slowly, over time, life has returned to normal but with a faint overtone of sadness that never fully lifts. The intense feelings of grief are pretty much gone.

The important dates bring reminders and pain. Father’s Day has been rough. That first Father’s Day, about 10 days after my son died, I got up first and poured a cup of coffee. Then I saw it on the fireplace mantle. My son had taken the time, while dying, to make me a Father’s Day card though he knew he would not be here when I received it. That memory is so bittersweet.

I still have my parents. My dad is 84 and my mom is 81. They both have some health problems but are functioning independently. I know they won’t be here forever. I am making a real effort to enjoy the people I have while I have them; this is what helps me with the grief more than anything.

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tc_cad@reddit

It was my Great Uncle’s birthday yesterday. He is 84, and he lives independently but something is up and he missed his sister’s funeral because he was in hospital.

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Buzzbait_PocketKnife@reddit

I feel you. My dad passed away last fall. Father’s Day is gonna suck.

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tc_cad@reddit

I called my Dad on Father’s Day last year… and left a message. He called me back the next day. That was the last time I ever spoke with him.

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Ok-Grape-3380@reddit

Many hugs from a random internet stranger, should you want them.

I lost my dad 20 years ago, right after my only biological child was born. I get it. It’s super hard for the first few years, so please give yourself a lot of grace (in whatever sense that brings you the most comfort).

And when you can, try to remember the things that brought you joy about your dad. I can state with a fair amount of certainty that’s what he would’ve wanted.

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Maleficent_Theory818@reddit

It just gets different. I make sure that if my mom’s birthday is on a weekday, I take off work and go to one of her favorite places then have lunch. My ex refused to have any photos up in the house. The weekend he left, I pulled out the frames I had been stashing and hung photos. I have a lot of vintage photos of my parents hanging. I have a large double glass frame hanging by the door so I can see my family when I leave and come home.

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Starcat75@reddit

My dad died 37 years ago and I still miss him

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silent3@reddit

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of my sister's death. My dad died in 1991 and my mom in 2003.

Yes, it happens every year for a while, but it gets easier. I had dreams for a few years after my mom died, and woke up in a panic because I hadn't called her lately, only to remember she had been dead for three years.

Hang in there, you're not alone.

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ennuiandapathy@reddit

My dad passed 21 years ago and I still miss him.

My partner and I went camping last week and the lake we were on was full of trout and bass. One of my first thoughts was “Dad would love this place”.

The pain and grief fades but there will be days that it will still hit me as though 20+ years haven’t passed. Instead of fighting, I sit with it and remember him.

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gumby_twain@reddit

My dad passed 5 years ago, and I still miss him everyday.

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RegretLow5735@reddit

27 years now, and the same.

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tkingsbu@reddit

3 years for me…. And same same…

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Ok-Mind-3915@reddit

My heart goes out to you all ❤️

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skatoulaki@reddit

My dad died in 1992. The pain doesn't go away, but it does ease a bit. There are still times where I'll cry when I start missing him - especially with things he's missed like my wedding or when my granddaughter was born or the birthday when I turned 47 (the age he was when he died). You learn to live your life without him, but you will always miss him. I'm sorry for your loss.💜

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sqrt_of_pi@reddit

I'm so sorry for your loss and how you are hurting. I lost my mom 30 years ago (she was 58) and my dad 7 years ago (he was 86).

Grief is a strange beast. It does subside over time, in the sense that it is less ever-present. But even 30 years later, there are things that will suddenly send me into a bout of crying and deeply painful sense of loss over one or both of my parents. I guess that is a testament to the good and loving relationship I had with them, and I know that alone is not something everyone has/had. So for that, I'm grateful.

One thing I will say about the one year anniversary is this: you have made it through all the firsts. You never again need to experience your first Thanksgiving or Christmas without Dad; your first birthday without Dad; your first "today would have been Dad's XXth birthday" without Dad, and so on. There is something about that, that makes it a grief milestone.

Let yourself be as sad today as you need to be.

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2ndChanceAtLife@reddit

Time will help eventually but even after 20 years, tears can sneak up on me unexpectedly. And that’s ok. It would be kind of horrible to be completely over the loss of my mom. She was too important.

The edges of your pain will soften over time.

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otf_dyer_badass@reddit

Mine just died 3.5 months ago. I’m still trying to figure out how to crawl out of the hole some days, and other days I’m fine. It’s still all I think about right now.

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Inner-Management-110@reddit

My dad died a year ago and still feel nothing. What does that mean? I guess it means that we were never close and never managed to cultivate a meaningful relationship. I know you are hurting but that just means you loved him dearly and you were blessed to have a dad who was worthy of that. Time helps but the hurt will remain. Try to find peace in the great memories.

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gramosaurusflex@reddit

American culture has this expectation that human needs fit into some sort of schedule. Don't feel bad that you didn't expect it. What I've learned since my dad died, almost three years ago, is anniversaries will always be hard on some level, and random moments of grief will just appear sometimes. They don't feel as devastating now, though, so that's hope ❤️

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Capital-Meringue-164@reddit

Hugs OP ♥️ Lost my dearest amazing dad 18 years ago this Thanksgiving - he was larger than life, we talked nearly every day and I was just 30. Always imagined so much more time together, but time is a cruelly finite thing. The first anniversaries are really hard, but as others have said grief shows up unpredictably even decades on. The acute pain from the traumatic experience of losing him has (mostly) loosened its vise grip on my emotions, but it I’m crying again thinking about it. He is so present, shows up in so many ways small and big, that part inspires me to honor his memory as a blessing in my life. I’m so sorry for your tremendous loss, and I wish you comfort.

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PrairieGrrl5263@reddit

My Dad died on Christmas Eve 1990. At the time I couldn't imagine a world without him in it, and now I've gotten 35 years to get used to it. I can tell you it does get better. The pain and grief never go away completely but there is healing. In time it won't hurt so very much.

Be kind to yourself. Better days are ahead.

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Anxious-Basket-494@reddit

I don’t know if it gets easier or if we grow to incorporate that grief as part of us. Your feelings are valid and there is no right or wrong way to do this. My dad passed away in 2013 and my mom in 2019. There are still days where that fact can floor me. So what I try to do is acknowledge the grief, tell them I love you, and smile because all this grief is just the love I still have for them. Be gentle with yourself.

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Temporary_Way_9563@reddit

This here is what I do. My mom passed four years ago and her birthday is this coming Thursday. I’m already acknowledging the grief and preparing myself for that day. Prayers for all.

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CardinaLiz4@reddit

Aghhhh yes exactly. The fact of it can just floor you. As well, my eldest sibling passed a few months ago and I have certain visuals of the three of them that are just gutting...like all of them are gone now. But as you said, the grief is a manifestation of our love for them and for times gone by. ❣️

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shinynugget@reddit

Man it comes and goes. My dad died 3 1/2 years go and random things will just hit him. A song he used to sing. Seeing an old Volvo like the one he had. The smell of pipe tobacco or even drywall dust. I don't want to give you a cliche, I think time just dulls the pain. But like any old injury it can flare up at any moment and feel fresh all over again.

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KeaAware@reddit

It does get easier to bear, I promise, but it does take a long time. Be very kind to yourself.

I'm sorry for your loss.

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anotherkeebler@reddit

It does get easier, but anniversaries are special and the first one is the worst. When my father‘s rolled around it unlocked a bunch of grief I had yet to process, but hey, at least I had a full years experience under my belt to start working through it.

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Boof973@reddit

Mine is coming next month the 1 year for my dad too- randomly I cry-I just think what would my dad want to be doing today?

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LuckyTrain4@reddit

Mine passed a little over a year ago. I think about picking up the phone to have random chats with him nearly daily when I see something that he would enjoy. I can lose it at anytime thinking about him. He was a wonderful man and father and I miss him terribly.

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nonotburton@reddit

It's been about ten years for my and my dad.

Most days are fine. I can think about him, and it's all fond memories of airplanes, and stupid thing we did when we were in the Navy.

Occasionally, around fathers day and sometimes a movie or tv show will set me off. I just excuse myself and let it out in the bathroom. Flush the toilet, and go back to the family room. My wife knows and understands. I'm not sure my adult child notices.

It'll be okay. The key is to not hold it in. Holding it in makes the whole process take longer, and more painful.

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PositiveStress8888@reddit

I always feel whenever you think about it have strong emotions of someone who has passed that they are with you in that moment.

Don't spend it crying. I prefer to spend it thinking of the good things they did with you, tell someone a funny story about them, they're never really forgotten.

You made it one year, that means you can do 2, one day at a time,

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Exotic-Travel-270@reddit

Mine is coming next week. One year for my dad too. I’ve been thinking about it for the last few days. I think we just have to go through it, eventually it will get better ❤️‍🩹

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AlucardD20@reddit

yes and no. my pops died in 2010. It was hard. My mom is almost 80 and the other day she started talking to me about her "wishes" and where things were in her house. I could barely sit through the conversation. I know we all die eventually, but I have a feeling when my mom passes, I'll be a wreck. My wife's parents both died within 10 days of one another in 2013... and every year when it comes around to the date, she's upset for that week. So I don't think it ever gets easier.

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Fattydaddy1000@reddit

It gets easier with the passing of time but it takes a lot of time

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Fit-Meal4943@reddit

My father died three years ago. The anniversary is always a little rough, but I focus on the good memories, and have a large coffee and apple fritter (his snack of choice).

It becomes part of your life, it just gets easier to deal with over time.

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Avant_Street@reddit

Yeah, it’s tough. I took care of my dad for the last year before he died. He died of cancer, took us all my surprise when he was diagnosed. I had to see psychiatrist after his passing because I started to get really bad anxiety attacks. It’s now been eight years. I can say that, as time passes you will still feel the grief, especially on notable occasions like birthdays or the day he died. But it’s not as overwhelming.

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Emotional-Block-6734@reddit

Whenever I miss my mom (often), I looked in the mirror and remember I always have her with me. I have her DNA.

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grateful_john@reddit

My father died a little over two years ago. The first anniversary was also my son’s college graduation. We focused on the present.

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James_T_S@reddit

I knew I was depressed. I just didn't realize why. I was having a really shitty day. Then realized it was the one year anniversary of my mom's death.

It gets less every year. Your going to be fine. It just takes time.

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No_Community_5696@reddit

I’m sorry for your loss. No it will get easier as time passes. My father had been gone for 45 years now. I still think about him but, I don’t mourn his passing. He’s in a better place. That’s what you need to keep in mind.

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Downtown-Tadpole-261@reddit

I lost my dad 10 years ago and my mom 3 years ago. It's hard but it does get easier. Hang in there.

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wtfnevermind@reddit

Unfortunately you’re just going to have to sit with this wave and let it hit, then pass. That’s what they tell me. Fighting it or denying it won’t help. The meaningful days on the calendar may continue to be hard…

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the_grizzly_man@reddit

Hang on in there. It does get easier. The first 2 years are rough. Allow yourself time to grieve.

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lht79@reddit

I know it isn’t always an option, but I really wish you could have the day to yourself. Me, I can work sick, but I have a real hard time working sad. Take care of yourself. My condolences. Time might ease your suffering, but you will always miss him.

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RantingLunaticBabsy@reddit

It might or it might not. Grief comes in waves. Sometimes the beach is calm and other times, not so much. Hugs to you. Do something to honor him on the day every year and maybe the emotions won’t be so severe.

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Anarolf@reddit

It does get easier over time.

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cerealandcorgies@reddit

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know if it gets "easier", but for me, the more time that passes, the more I remember the good times, the funny things, the things I loved about my family members. The sorrow is there but there's a sweetness to it. I feel like it's the price for knowing and loving them and having them in my life.

Take care of yourself.

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HappyAthlete3250@reddit

Take the day off. Do things for yourself and think about your dad today instead.

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HighJeanette@reddit

Sending you hugs. I have no answers.