Medical Leave During Critical Time?
Posted by HappyUnicorns789@reddit | ExperiencedDevs | View on Reddit | 43 comments
Hi all,
My team went live with our app about two weeks ago and it did not go so well. We have been working around the clock fixing issues and discovering other new issues along the way even though we never faced them in non prod. All the pressure/stress and non stop working has severely affected my mental health and overall lifestyle as I can barely enjoy even the smallest break in the day.
I’m thinking of taking medical leave but this is a critical time for this project and I’m conflicted as I don’t want to leave my teammates in the dark. Is this a wise choice?
Silver_Bid_1174@reddit
I just had a dev quit due to stress / health. He had used up his PTO for very valid family reasons. I would have much rather had him come to me to see what could be done than get a 1AM resignation.
I knew things were tough, but didn't know he was that close to his limit. Some of that is on me as a manager, some is on others for the project deadlines and some is just how things go sometimes.
HappyUnicorns789@reddit (OP)
I guess what could have been done in that situation ?
Silver_Bid_1174@reddit
Not totally sure, but I would have tried to find something. A couple of comp days would have been much less expensive. I'd much rather things never got to that point for anyone, working on that now for my team.
HappyUnicorns789@reddit (OP)
Makes sense. If it was project related stress would you take him off of the project?
Silver_Bid_1174@reddit
Not sure, one of the issues we have right now is that the team is too small and I'm sure he was putting a lot of pressure on himself which would have been there regardless.
56killa@reddit
Took FMLA in the middle of a huge initiative and also a recently rolled out project. No use to anyone a broken down burnt out mess anyways. And the work goes on regardless.
HappyUnicorns789@reddit (OP)
How long did you go for?
56killa@reddit
Was approved for the full 12 weeks but hoping to use up my vacation and make it longer
nomoreplsthx@reddit
Clarification
What is the medical situation (no need to share if you aren't comfortable) such that you are eligible for medical leave but could plausibly not take it?
If you are sick enough to qualify for leave, at least in the US, you by definition cannot work - if you can work, you aren't eligible for leave.
HappyUnicorns789@reddit (OP)
I’m burned out and am going through depression/anxiety
quypro_daica@reddit
Think of a far worse scenario. What if they cut you off before you take your medical leave? You will have to worry both about your health, the insurance, the employment
mixxituk@reddit
Roll back
Neat_Republic5619@reddit
Everyone is right that this launch is not really your problem and you should take sick leave if you need it. However I do agree you should think through the consequences. Fuck the company, yes, but from personal experience, they might lay you off or fire you at first chance. For me they did and they cited my “inability to manage my workload”. Maybe take sick leave but don’t disclose the reason. Or lie if you must and pretend it’s something physical. Unfortunately there’s still a lot of stigma and backwards beliefs out there when it comes to mental health
Fabulous_Jack@reddit
Hey I’m gonna provide my own anecdotal experience as a data point.
I took family leave to take care of my dying father for his last few months during a critical architecture migration and I felt like the company never treated me the same way ever again. My manager tried their hardest to keep me around and find projects and tickets for me to do but my workload dwindled until my skip-level and VP of eng cited me for “underperforming duties” during the AI layoffs.
Despite all this, I would choose to do the same thing 10 times out of 10. Prioritize your health and your family, and pay attention to how upper management treats you when you get back. I’d study for interviews anyway just to see what the current market is like and to keep my skills current and play it by ear.
PracticalMushroom693@reddit
Your health comes first, always. Of course we all need money to live but you don’t owe your company anything beyond the work they pay you for. If you’re posting this on Reddit, you already know the answer
kobumaister@reddit
As a VP myself, I would never encourage my teammates to put the company before their health. Of course I'd appreciate the effort if they decide to push it, but health is not a choice, if you break, you have to stop to take care of yourself.
But, I know that's not the usual way of thinking so...
chromatoes@reddit
It doesn't matter what you do: YOU are more important than YOUR JOB. You could stroke out or have a heart attack and then be unable to care for yourself or your loved ones, your job isn't going to step into that role even if you expire directly on the work floor.
My husband is the staff engineer for a startup, and I have to tell him this every day. I'd genuinely rather us be on the streets than lose him to due to work stress. He's more important than any work he's done. And I say that as someone who has saved lives as a 911 operator. A human is always more important than the work they've done - once you lose the person, you lose everything. No futures or possibilities exist after that.
Take care of yourself; your company certainly won't.
GroggInTheCosmos@reddit
This!
juxtaposz@reddit
Take medical leave. Please. You are worth it. I promise.
NightSp4rk@reddit
Health first, you first, the company's interests are always secondary. Unless you feel your job would be at risk and you desperately need to keep the job, then you'll have to figure something out. But still even then, your health comes first.
OGicecoled@reddit
Take it but understand that every choice has a consequence. Your teammates who stay and deal with this shit will definitely view you with less respect when you return. They won’t say it outwardly but it will come up behind your back and in peer reviews.
xXxdethl0rdxXx@reddit
Peasant mindset. “If my teammate gets a cookie, there’s less for me.” This is a management problem, whether it’s finding more resources or pushing back on the deadline. Resenting the person standing up for their health shows a despicable and cowardly lack of camaraderie, and I pity your teammates.
OGicecoled@reddit
I pity you for not understanding the nuance of what I’m saying and me explicitly stating this isn’t my opinion. I pity the coworkers you have who have to unfortunately deal with your lack of reading comprehension. I pity the people in your life who have to deal with your holier than thou attitude.
xXxdethl0rdxXx@reddit
Is that the best you could come up with? I’d much rather be high-and-mighty than whatever excuse for a coworker you call yourself. Yikes.
OGicecoled@reddit
Resorting to whatever shitty comment you made about my character was unnecessary. I urged OP to take leave if they need it. I’m a bad teammate for pointing out the possibility that it will cause strain in the working relationship? Sure buddy. Situations like this require some level of EQ to navigate effectively but I can understand how that would be lost on you.
The best part about this is I get to block you and move on with my life. You have to keep being you and those around you unfortunately have to carry the burden of interacting with you.
DifferenceAnnual4854@reddit
That’s unhealthy mindset. Your team mates should care about your health state if we are talking about relationships on the first place, rather than the amount of tickets closed for feature no one will care about in 6 months.
OGicecoled@reddit
I do care about my teammate’s health. I also care about my own as well. Them taking unexpected medical leave due to work stress while literally everyone on the team is also stressed is a shitty situation for everyone involved.
OP should take medical leave if they need it, but they can also just express their stress levels to the team and they can all find a better solution together. It’s naive to expect OP to just drop out in the middle of the push and be able to come back and everything is all good. I personally would not care that much, but it would be difficult to not have negative feelings about that.
stonerbobo@reddit
That is how owners think - if you're being given equity like an owner then fair enough, but you're probably not so just take the time off. If you actually get burnt out, it can take months/years to recover, its not worth it.
dfltr@reddit
Depends on your relationship with your teammates and your manager. If it’s strong, literally just talk to your manager and say “I’m really burnt from this launch and need a couple days to get my feet back under me, but I don’t want to let the team down when we’re still slammed. What can we do to get everyone a bit of breathing room to recharge?”
That might look like rotating teammates out and covering for them, or sucking it up and getting to a clearly defined goal then the whole team fucks off for R&R before the next project, or whatever you come up with together.
A good manager will realize that you pushed too hard and try to keep you from burning all the way out. A shitty one will let you know (indirectly) that you don’t owe them shit.
xXxdethl0rdxXx@reddit
Bingo. The most you have to lose by discussing with your manager is a bold-faced confirmation that they suck at their job.
roger_ducky@reddit
I agree on handling your mental health.
At the same time though: Don’t feel stressed when a project is behind.
Feel free to spend extra time, but continue to sleep at night and just fix as much as you can.
In fact, give honest updates on how long each new discovery would take to fix, as well as how big of a problem it would be.
Sane managers, after figuring out how much of an effort it would take, might decide to cut certain features for the first version and work on adding them later.
hatsandcats@reddit
Yeah - unless you’re personally on the hook for this cluster as like the CTO or something, just literally say you’ve got to take some time off. Call it sick days, call it pto, call it whatever but you can’t just keep working through this - you will burn out.
Someone above you screwed this up and pushed out a product before it was ready. It’s on them to fix this situation and find a way to methodically work through the fallout - this includes coordinating schedules to get people rest. Doesn’t sound like that’s happening though - sounds like it’s just a giant mess and people are fixing whatever they can find / think is important from their subjective viewpoint as opposed to following some sort of prioritized list of issues.
TheStatusPoe@reddit
I just recently took some time off for a surgery with an important deadline coming up. I was in so much physical pain for so long that I was struggling to meaningfully contribute at work and just enjoy anything at home. Since the surgery I've been able to start getting back into my old hobbies and at work I feel like I'm getting back into the swing of things.
Mental health should be treated with the same importance as physical health. You're not going to be able to do your best when you're struggling with physical or emotional pain. One of the things a therapist told me is in the pre flight safety brief they tell you to put your oxygen mask on yourself first before helping anyone else with theirs. Take care of yourself first
8itbangr@reddit
I remind myself of that in many areas! Put YOUR mask on first! Also, disconnect when on vacation or other leave.
MichelangeloJordan@reddit
Always look out for number one - yourself. Why be loyal and sacrifice for a company that would NEVER do the same for you.
yellowyn@reddit
In the US they cannot ask about details of FMLA. Unless you tell someone, no one will know the reason you take leave.
So don’t tell anyone specifics. If coworkers ask, be vague. “I need to get medical treatments and can’t work while doing it”. It’s none of their business. You could tell them it’s not life threatening yet, but could be. You tried to delay till the crunch time was over but you can’t delay anymore. All of that is true.
You wouldn’t feel guilty if you had cancer. Why is this different?
Vinegarinmyeye@reddit
No application is worth your health dude.
The company won't think you're super star and reward you because you pushed through burnout. They'll crunch the numbers, and expect more of the same.
Look after number one first man.
rover_G@reddit
Prioritize yourself first, then figure out the rest
DifferenceAnnual4854@reddit
Don’t trade your health for shareholders value. If this was the other way around company would just cut off on their workforce
80hz@reddit
I would say as long as they can't get sued but they do it even if they will get suedm.. they'd fire you as soon as you announce something dramatic like cancer. You should treat these companies the same way they treat you
Macrowaving@reddit
Please, Take care of yourself. They (your team) will be fine.
greenworldkey@reddit
If the roles were reversed, I'd bet the company wouldn't think twice about sacking you if it could save them a few bucks. You really wanna sacrifice your health for that?
EntropyRX@reddit
The very moment the company feels "sick" (financial issues) or simply would feel better without you (saving costs), they won't think twice before laying you off.
Do not compromise your health for a corporation, ever.