Daily neglect taught us to self-regulate, solve problems on our own, and develop a resilience that modern comforts make difficult to build.

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Olgrateful-IW@reddit

I’m getting exhausted by these overly self congratulatory post like OPs that inflate the over all aptitude of Gen X (like it’s some monolith) while belittling the aptitude of the generations that follow.

It’s such a weird “look at me” level of attention seeking to insist over and over Gen X is the “best generation” or “the most resilient”.

All that, despite the fact Gen X for the most part raised younger millennials/gen z. The lack of awareness in this statement is astounding. This is basically saying Gen X is better because of the neglect, and that Gen X also failed since they raised kids less capable because they didn’t neglect them?

It just doesn’t make any sense.

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Hefty_Debt_638@reddit

We don’t care what you think. That’s another beauty of being an GenX.

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Olgrateful-IW@reddit

See, proof right here Gen X aren’t some monolith of conformity. They are unique and individual.

Most wouldn’t be so insecure and react so defensively. Love you aren’t afraid to be yourself!

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Lrxst@reddit

I very much agree with you. I am GenX, was not neglected, nor were most of my peers, and we still came across into adulthood as resilient people. Our parents knew when to let us be, and when to intervene. If millennials and Xers are more resistant, it has a lot to do with needing to come up with our own fun, not simple neglect.

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strumthebuilding@reddit

My hot take: there are upsides and there are downsides, it’s complicated, nobody’s special and at the same time we all are. Doesn’t make for much of a headline tho

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Komaisnotsalty@reddit

Yep. I can agree to that 100%.

There's absolutely no way that parents today would get away with the childhood that I had in the 70s and '80s. My parents would have been arrested and I would have been put into foster care.

Back then, it was pretty normal.

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MyFacistCat@reddit

And lived in a house of cards. No one knew all of the dysfunction and trauma. On top of all of it, I went to Catholic school. Got my ass beat there weekly too!

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lolikamani@reddit (OP)

Baptists did some ass beating too!!

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Sumchap@reddit

Pretty standard Christian "correction" probably up until somewhere in the 1980's

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MyFacistCat@reddit

Yeah now it’s solely mental abuse.

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Adventurous-Depth984@reddit

You realize that this is worse than being introduced to these skills by loving parents, right?

It’s not a flex to have been treated poorly or with neglect by our parents.

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TeaGlittering1026@reddit

When I say everything I needed to learn about growing up I learned from Judy Blume that's not a joke.

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Carrera_996@reddit

They gave me snacks while I was swimming in hopes I would drown.

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PortentProper@reddit

Sure, but I almost drowned (metaphorically) and am so glad I can be there for my own kids instead of leaving them to figure it out on their own.

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Unusual_Memory3133@reddit

Daily neglect put me in the path of pedos and it caused damage that I am still dealing in one way or another at age 61. Being a latch key was not an ideal method of parenting!

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Ok-Limit-9726@reddit

My 2 GenZ kids,

I was no helicopter, but also no boomer.

They have a fantastic balance of reality.

Grey up analog, basic digital, lived late teens digital.

Gave safety, big back yard, and time to self explore.

Could not be prouder of those dam kids!

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Olgrateful-IW@reddit

I’m getting exhausted by these overly self congratulatory post like OPs that inflate the over all aptitude of Gen X (like it’s some monolith) while belittling the aptitude of the generations that follow.

It’s such a weird “look at me” level of attention seeking to insist over and over Gen X is the “best generation” or “the most resilient”.

All that, despite the fact Gen X for the most part raised younger millennials/gen z. The lack of awareness in this statement is astounding. This is basically saying Gen X is better because of the neglect, and that Gen X also failed since they raised kids less capable because they didn’t neglect them?

It just doesn’t make any sense.

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nailzfan@reddit

Then this generation gave their kids phones and one-upped that neglect.

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synthesized-slugs@reddit

These posts are getting depressing. My GenX parents are the least mentally healthy individuals I have ever known because their parents did this crap to them. Now I have to deal with their trauma on top of my own. Neglect is never healthy for a child.

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Barneidor@reddit

Unfortunately every generation of parents messes up, we tried to do better but not all of us succeeded.

There's better awareness of what is good and bad parenting nowadays so we can hope that more and more parents break the toxic cycle.

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La_Mano_Cornuta@reddit

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Both-Basis-3723@reddit

I was slipping coffee the other day and smiled with a new title for us:

“The second greatest generation”

Somehow the swagger and slight really felt on point for experience.

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deleted_by_reddit@reddit

[removed]

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

No Politics - Political posts or comments of any sort are not permitted. If you wish to have political discussions, you may do so on our other sub r/GenXPolitics.

Breaking this rule may result in bans, either temporary or permanent.

Before you make the claim: No, providing respite from political discussions does not infringe on your rights.

Also, this politics ban was put before the sub over a year ago, and members have spoken.

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ItsDarwinMan82@reddit

I’m going to killed for this, but I think the generations before had it a lot worse, and they don’t carry on week after week like this group. My father ( born 1946) and his brothers and friends being shipped off to Vietnam. Both of my Grandfathers drafted in WWII, one had to work since he was 11 years old. Had major PTSD but raised a family of 4 and went on with it. I just think we have to realize this is the Boomers first time on earth too. They’re no more than what? 20 -25 years older than us. They’re are gonna fuck up like we do. No one gets an instruction manual to life.

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cosmicloafer@reddit

There’s a difference between neglect and independence

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jfdonohoe@reddit

Neglect isn’t a something to praise. That shit broke more people than it made “strong”

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ExistentialPenguin70@reddit

That neglect taught me to be self reliant, but it also taught me to not trust others, to not let people in too close, to have an avoidant partnership style that ruined many relationships, and to have very few people that would call a real friend.

I’d take emotionally supportive and nurturing parents any day over what I was raised with.

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Defiant-Variety-9473@reddit

That's not what this article was about. Literally every comment missed the point of the article. You just had shitty parents

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upsidedown-funnel@reddit

It seems most of the commenters here aren’t that self aware yet. I don’t think I could be around someone who thought being neglected made them a more whole person. 😳

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ExistentialPenguin70@reddit

Well said!

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tvieno@reddit

Yeah. Being neglected really messed me and my relationships up. Too bad it was only a few months ago I finally sorted all that out and put it away. At least my 2nd wife (patience of a saint) will see a more attentive me.

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ExistentialPenguin70@reddit

That’s great to hear. I’ve improved with a lot of self exploration and study of psychology and philosophy. I’ve a way to go yet though.

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NetJnkie@reddit

This isn't the flex you think it is.

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Defiant-Variety-9473@reddit

It's an article. Did you even read it?

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Moosyfate17@reddit

Nah. That and other shit gave me ptsd, weird and damaging coping mechanisms, and a warped sense of humour.

Don't start life in a fundamentalist religion, kids. There's societal and parental neglect, then there's Jesus level neglect.

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WeirdcoolWilson@reddit

Yeah, I’ve got a lot of personality quirks and annoying traits from being a disposable child but yes. I can problem solve like a boss

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Coup-de-Glass@reddit

Yeah I dunno. I developed some pretty maladaptive coping strategies that became hard to break habits later in life.

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mlachick@reddit

Neglect is not a valid parenting option. My kids are light years ahead of where I was at their age as far as emotional intelligence and stability, and they are still fully independent and resilient. I raised them to have solid life skills, but I didn't do it by abandoning them. I did it by teaching and stepping back. They knew I was there, but I let them have appropriate levels of freedom.

Whereas I'm pushing fifty and still trying to unravel the absolute mental disaster in my head.

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TeaGlittering1026@reddit

My parents have been dead for years and I'm still working through my issues.

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Carrera_996@reddit

One down. One to go. I think the old bat may outlive me for the sheer fucking spite of it.

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mlachick@reddit

I lost my father 15 years ago, and it was definitely not a great loss. I will deeply mourn my mother when she passes. My childhood was pretty awful, but I know she was doing her best under the circumstances.

And she has been loving and accepting of my trans daughter despite raising her us deeply religious. That has meant the world to me.

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Carrera_996@reddit

Mom got mad because I called her a liar. She called CPS and told them I beat my daughter. My daughter is non-verbal autistic and has OCD so bad it's nearly incompatible with life. Had CPS taken her for even a week, that kid would be dead. No one else knows she only drinks water, and from which cup. No one else knows she will not sit on any potty but her own. I had to buy a motor coache so we could travel longer than a kid can hold it. She knows the RV potty is hers and she will use it. No one else knows she only eats eggs with bacon for breakfast, peanut butter sandwiches for lunch, and nuggets with fried for dinner. You better know how to cook those eggs right, too. She tried to kill my kid.

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bugabooandtwo@reddit

Meh...these pimping the ego type articles are really low hanging fruit for social media.

The truth is much more complex.

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Mindless_Garbage5545@reddit

I dunno man, I still wish I had a mom. I mean I had a mom, I still have a mom. But like an interested, involved, mom that engaged in mothering would have been amazing.

It’s hard to be a parent now, I know what not to do but that really isn’t as great as it would have been to have had healthy relationships modeled to me.

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Happy_Confection90@reddit

I wish I still had my mom. We eventually got closer once I was an adult and no longer had to depend on her and dad to keep me alive.

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Own-Yam-8750@reddit

All it gave me was anxiety.

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onesleekrican@reddit

And years of therapy bills.

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dpenton@reddit

This is one way to grow as a person. It really isn’t the only way…nor would I say it was the best way

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tabicat1874@reddit

Yeah and all my siblings are dead now. What you neglect, dies.

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Kryceks-Revenge@reddit

I mean, my grandparents were depression kids. They were taught to self-regulate, solve massive problems, and develop resilience that GenXers can’t even begin to believe. Children were starving, given away on street corners, and engaged in child labor. Let’s just go back another generation and circle jerk about that.

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wegotthisonekidmongo@reddit

I carried schizophrenia my whole life I don't even get to b* about the things you people b* about. I guess life ain't fair.

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RayneBeauSkelly@reddit

All that may be true it turned us into jerks. Our communication revolves around pseudohostility and one-upmanship

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Carrera_996@reddit

I commented recently that I'm GenX and that we greet each other by saying the meanest shit we can think of. Then we high 5 if it's original and funny. The replies said being GenX didn't excuse bad behavior. I was terribly entertained.

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nmincone@reddit

Truth! I’m thankful for it and every beating I deserved lol. I’m a respectable, responsible, thankful tank for it.

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nmincone@reddit

Funny, I got blasted by someone and then they deleted their post, just goes to show you everyone’s interpretation and how they dealt with it is very different.

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delldarlin@reddit

"Child abuse made me what I am today" is not the flex you seem to think it is.

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nmincone@reddit

To each his own. I was empowered. If you’re claim of “abuse” is warranted.

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delldarlin@reddit

Wow, you really did grow up to be a piece of shit. Your parents did a fabulous.job.

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gorkt@reddit

Or some of us were abused, and are dealing with the consequences decades later. Pretty much half of Gen X women I know were sexually assaulted.

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delldarlin@reddit

Yeah, no. People mistaking cPTSD for self-reliance.

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upsidedown-funnel@reddit

Wish I could upvote more than once.

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bylebog@reddit

I mean our parents are different to us and theirs to them. Great work there Johnny on the spot

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archedhighbrow@reddit

And it made me absolutely exhausted by 59.

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Normal-Philosopher-8@reddit

I was always hearing how soft a life I had compared to the generations before me - and it wasn’t wrong. So when we start with “kids today” I think a lot of things might not be wrong, but that doesn’t make the point they think they are making.

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recyclistDC@reddit

Same ideas in video form: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6IOe2XJd_U

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looselyhuman@reddit

I don't even count it as neglect. It was a gift then and it's a gift now.

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Plenty-Cattle9791@reddit

gif

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affemannen@reddit

Yes, our parents gave us the gift of responsibility, self governance and trust.

My mom was still worried but she knew that independence is learned, and through exploration comes growth.

It's not like they didn't care, i usually had to check in throughout the day with a call so she knew i was alive and well.

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A_Tom_McWedgie@reddit

I had no curfew.

I knew that if I ever got in trouble late at night, that freedom was gone.

Kept me much more responsible than “You must be home by midnight.”

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Immediate-Rub3807@reddit

I know that when I was growing up in the 80’s my parents weren’t around so I just did what everyone else did and learned a lot of life lessons from it.
Don’t talk shit about anyone because it always comes back, don’t act a fool in public because any adult was quick to put your ass in check.

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Jenshark86@reddit

My parents never knew where I was. It was great 👍

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A_Tom_McWedgie@reddit

…and build fires in ravines.

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lolikamani@reddit (OP)

🤣😂😆

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Whirling-Dervish@reddit

For me at least, I wouldn’t go so far as neglect — just the loose parenting of the time. My parents didn’t play with me much, and I was gone all day in the summer, didn’t teach me many life lessons - but I was loved and had food and clothes and toys. My daughter today can’t be left home alone in the 3rd grade and needs us to arrange her play dates. Pros and cons of each I suppose

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ogliog@reddit

The problem with this narrative, which is repeated endlessly, is the survivorship bias in it. Sure, those of us who are still alive are resilient, but in part that's because the less resilient among us died or became disabled, or lost their minds, went to prison, or suffered whatever sort of adverse fate, because parents were checked out and there was little space for young people who were not basically little adults.

I don't know if contemporary parenting styles are better or worse, but I do think there are reasons why we don't parent our own children the way we ourselves were parented.

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Ike_In_Rochester@reddit

I am not confident our parenting style will receive the accolades we hoped. Or maybe I should say, our overcompensating for the neglect our parents displayed might have had unintended consequences. As a father, I’ve strived to be present for my kids. Let them make mistakes. Let them learn. Let them fail. We’ve encouraged them to self-advocate. I’ve tried to be a parent first when they were home. Now they are in college I have refocused on mentorship, perhaps only to get them receptive to being mentored. Someday, maybe we’ll be friends. You know, if they’ll have me.

But this generation has had to deal with media pressure that I’m grateful we didn’t experience. I don’t know if that’s a blind spot of ours that we could have done something about.

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thehoagieboy@reddit

I’m in a similar boat. I did and continue to do my best .I made sure to always be there for activities or if they want to talk. Shifting to mentorship is tough but I’m trying. Self reliance is next

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ogliog@reddit

Yes, the social media thing is extremely challenging. I'm definitely grateful to have grown up without that.

My kids have needed a ton of help, but one has special needs and the other had a lot of early childhood trauma that caused havoc in his adolescence. I don't think absentee parenting would have gone real well for either kiddo, and that's what always occurs to me when this notion of gen x resilience is raised.

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mary_wren11@reddit

Building distress tolerance is really valuable. I think having so much information available also damages kids. For us, we just accepted that there was a lot we didn't know and kept it moving even if we were going to screw up and look stupid. Today's kids are so scared to not know, more information is making them more anxious.

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lolikamani@reddit (OP)

Totally. I have a stepson who needs to research and study every step and is paralyzed by any uncertainty.

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mcluhan007@reddit

The kids in the photo look like The Little Rascals. I don’t remember dressing like that.