What was the most annoying part of organising the stag?
Posted by NoteFlimsy8467@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 75 comments
Organised one last year and I'm still recovering. Booking stuff was fine, that was almost the fun bit. The nightmare was everything around it - chasing 9 grown men for money for weeks, the group chat with 200 unread messages and no decisions, half of them not confirming until the last minute.
For those of you who've organised one: what was the bit that actually did your head in? Was it the money, getting people to commit, picking what to do, or something else entirely?
Genuinely curious whether it was just my group or if this is universal.
Repulsive_Sweet_5308@reddit
I can give you some confirmation this is also what happens for hen do parties. To the point I was out of pocket as I had to cover most things as people was saying about budgets etc, it was very hard work. Chasing for payments, being asked stupid questions, I lost the will and will never ever do it again š
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
The hen side sounds identical to the stag side honestly, same chasing, same being left out of pocket. Shame it put you off for good. Was it more the money side that did you in, or the constant questions on top of it? Probably both haha...
Repulsive_Sweet_5308@reddit
It was all, from the first message I sent, I regretted my life choices š
Cattle_South@reddit
Been on many a stag do, helped organise a few. Keep it simple.
Dates Destination Flight options Couple of digs options
See you there.
madcaplaughed@reddit
i organised one a couple of years ago and i basically just planned it all and said to everyone individually: this is what weāre doing, it will cost this much, which i need by Xdate, let me know by Ydate if you are in or out.
AdFancy6243@reddit
My stag do was hiring a cinema and playing video games then to a board game cafe private room for a few hours then the local pub for some food and leaveing by around 9pm. I made my plan created a group chat with everyone I wanted there explained it and said who's coming. I paid for it all myself, all in it cost around Ā£350, they just had to get there themselves and pay for their own food and drinks at the pub everything else I covered. A family member did end up paying for some snacks at the board game cafe. It was great because no accomodation, exactly what I wanted, I had a full turnout and we all had a blast
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Sounds like a proper good one!
PlatformFeeling8451@reddit
My problem is non-responders. The people put the group chat on mute on day 1 (or don't even accept your invite) and you have no clue whether they're showing up or not. So every group activity is now in jeopardy.
Just fucking answer the fucking questions.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
The not knowing is the worst, can't book anything properly when 3 people have gone silent and you've no idea if they're in. Did you set a "no response by this date and you're out" rule or just kept chasing them?
PlatformFeeling8451@reddit
Hunted them down like the Predator
Flat-Transition-1230@reddit
If you're in this situation again, make the decisions, set the deadline for funds to clear with you and if people don't get them to you in time, then they sort their own arrangements out.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Seems to be the consensus in here, make the call and set a hard deadline. I wonder though if the "sort your own arrangements out" actually hold up in practice when it's a good mate?
Flat-Transition-1230@reddit
Yep. They do. And if they don't, then it wasn't a good mate.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Makes sense. Did all the money go through the organiser or did a few different people pay for different things and settle up between each other later? I wonder too whether paying once upfront is easier than dribs and drabs as stuff got booked.
Flat-Transition-1230@reddit
I didn't get involved in all that, they either paid and I booked them, or they didn't and they booked themselves at a later date.
Kamoebas@reddit
I found it straightofrward tbh but I set ground rules up front. Took 50% deposits etc before booking anything.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
That's smart, did people pay the deposiit easily enough or did you still have to chase even for that?
Kamoebas@reddit
No, I made a rule that it had to be paid within the first 2 weeks or they'd be removed from consideration.
I was able to offer a payment plan for the rest but thankfully, everyone was responsible.
thenitmustbeaduck@reddit
I've organised 2 stag do's and thankfully they both went very well. The first one was in Edinburgh and the second one was in London. What helped was that I didn't open it up for debate, and ran the organisation of the stag a bit like a dictatorship (in a positive way haha).
I always booked things that were relatively affordable i.e. in Edinburgh we had 2 rooms in a hostel and in London the majority of people lived in or near London so could either go back home or stay at a friend's house. I also made sure that I booked things that were relatively affordable, with Go Karting being the most expensive experience and that was approx Ā£60/pp.
The thing with stag do's is that people have these wild and crazy ideas about them when in actual fact you just want to get pissed up with your mates.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Makes sense keeping it cheap. Did that also make the money side easier, smaller amounts so people actually paid up or did you still collect it all in advance to be safe?
thenitmustbeaduck@reddit
Yeah people paid up, generally. I think there was only one guy on the London stag do that delayed payment and that was because of a valid reason. And, the important thing was, not paying out too much also protected me as well. The worst thing would have been if I'd have spent all my money and then waited for it to be paid back. As it was, I had initial outlays but I never financially stretched myself.
Gettiershonda50@reddit
I can't say it was hard at all.
Three nights on two narrowboats was the venue, no arguments about that. Most guys just sent their share shortly after I asked. Two got in contact to let me know that things were tight, but would have cash on the day, and they did - that cash covered the fuel and damage deposits.
It all went off very smoothly, nobody got wet, no bumps. One guy did get ejected from the same pub three times, but considering he was dressed in a white suit, an eye patch and had a childs sword each time, I feel that was more on the bouncers than us. He has no recollection of how he kept getting back in.
It was honestly less taxing to put together than most trips I've organised.
Sorry to hear of your experience though, that sounds like a real ball ache.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Nice to hear of a positive experience amidst the mostly negative ones!
Gettiershonda50@reddit
A few things were in place that made it work as well as it did.
The year before we did the same thing, on a smaller scale at the request of another buddy. The guy organising that trip gave the invitees maybe one or two A or B choices, followed by a pay up or talk to me on the phone deadline.
That was a very Withnail and I esque trip, in most of the fun ways. Berocca is not an effective sweetener for mocca. So naturally my Groom wanted to do exactly that for his stag.
Having an ultimatum that the trip was a set date with 3 nights in a boat, night two in a place with a nice waterside pub and hotels made it easy for people to find a place to jump in or an excuse to say they were out.
Two weeks after opening subscription for the boat side of things the deadline for paying or talking had come and passed. At that point I opened a new group chat for everyone who had paid in and invited everyone else to meet us at the pub on the second day if they wanted to join the festivities.
We got about ten more guys who could commit to either an evening or night to join the stag on the second night. and they set that whole thing up independently. I had no idea it was happening. we pulled up by the pub in an arseways manner exactly where they were, after two pints of a wait for us. Pure magical accident if you know what getting a mooring at a pub is like...
The grooms face when he saw eight more friends was priceless.
So yeah, as 1984 teaches us, one needs an Inner Party, and an Outer Party to succeed as a Stag society.
WealthMain2987@reddit
Think your friends sounds like good people. I heard stories of proper ball ache and the organiser lost money
Gettiershonda50@reddit
The groom is the centre/founder of more friendships than he has any idea.
Theres actually a core group of five of us who've made a point of going out on the water without fail every year since. We all live within an hour of where we go, so it's pretty easy to integrate with our grown up lives.
Safe to say as well that it's the type of break where the ideal number of Type A personalities is Zero.
Enough-Ad3818@reddit
I agreed with the groom what they wanted to do, and made the appropriate plans.
I told the group that the plans were X,Y, and Z. The dates were A,B and C, and the cost was Ā£X amount.
I then stipulated that they needed to confirm and pay deposit 4 weeks ahead of the date, and if they didn't, then they wouldn't be able to attend.
A couple of the group kept calling me a 'Drill Sergeant', but as far as I was concerned, I made it super clear what the plans were, and what was expected of everyone.
Once we started the event, it was great, because everyone knew what the schedule was and there were no surprises.
grogipher@reddit
That's what I do now. Put all the info up front, otherwise it's like herding cats trying to get folks to make decisions!
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
I'd take the 'Drill Sergeant' as a compliment based on what you said, sounds like it worked quite well. I guess that's what you need when herding cats. When it came to the deposits, did you collect everything before booking or front some of it yourself and chase after?
Enough-Ad3818@reddit
We were doing karts and some other stuff that only required a deposit. Everyone who paid a deposit, did so knowing they'd have to shell out the remaining balance when we got there.
londonbrewer77@reddit
Iāve organised quite a few, way I did it was:
Chat with groom about what he wants to do
WhatsApp group chat with three possible dates and a PRIVATE poll. That way youāre not bound to the most popular date if people more important to the stage canāt make it.
Share the results with him, have him pick the date according to who can make it.
Request money into my account by XX date, as thatās when Iām booking. If itās not in by the date, youāre responsible for booking for yourself.
Done.
No dramas, act like a dictator and get it done. This isnāt a democracy.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
"This isn't a democracy" seems to be a recurring motive of ones where it worked well. Curious where you draw the line though, did people actually want a say or are they happiest just being told the plan and when to pay? Trying to work out if the input stage is even worth bothering with.
londonbrewer77@reddit
Get input from the groom. This isnāt the movies, itās not about having a hilarious time that he hates and embarrasses him, this is a celebration.
A stag with a miserable groom is a shit stag. And Iāve been on one.
MarionberryFinal9336@reddit
I am chief organiser for two hen events this month. The key is to not ask opinions of a broad group. Have one person you trust as a sounding board. Then tell everyone else whatās happening. If people wonāt pay up you have to privately explain they canāt come if they donāt pay by XXXXX date (and give them a date that is 4 weeks earlier than the actual date). Also book something where you can easily adjust numbers. But I agree. The constant faffing of a large group is still insufferable.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
That must be a lot of effort to organise two in one month. The fake deadline 4 weeks early is a good idea!
Square-Platypus-8144@reddit
People pulling out at the last minute and moaning about not getting a deposit back. Honestly one of the worst things I've ever had to do - thankfully I'm a miserable bastard and getting on now so likelihood of someone else asking me to be best man is pretty slim.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
The pulling out then expecting the deposit back is such a cheek, like the money just magically reappears.
Jasboh@reddit
I asked my brother's or organise mine and they are pretty useless so I just did it.
Told mates the dates, booked a private room in a pub, let everyone else sort their own accomodation and travel.
First night was just on the lash, 2nd was boardgames in the pub. Painless and fun except the hangover
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Sounds like you did a pretty spectacular job. Like the boardgames idea.
parkscon@reddit
People being unable to share a hotel room. One bloke wouldn't even share with his brother.
asbardella@reddit
The global pandemic starting a month before was the main issue for me
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
That's a hard one to plan for...
MrSam52@reddit
Itās the money usually, larger the group the bigger the issues as people forget to pay/donāt pay and then pull out.
Personally I always make the plan and work out the costs per person then say I need this amount transferred and wonāt book until Iāve received it or say weāre staying here you two/three need to book your room etc.
One of my mates stags the best man got completely messed around by two people (a third pulled out but still paid) so the rest of us split the extra cost between us.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Sounds like you've got the system down. Does waiting til everyone's paid before booking slow things down much, or do people actually move quicker when they know nothing's locked in till the money's there?
rimald0@reddit
people. the answer to what is the most annoying _____ is always people.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Can't argue with that. Should've saved myself the thread and just written "people" 33 times š
ThrowRA-Sandwich318@reddit
Not about planning but my partner just went on a stag where he coughed up Ā£500 7 months before going.
When it came to the weekend, apparently that Ā£500 only covered:
- his train from london to Edinburgh (booked well in advance at a group discount)
- a hotel for 2 nights, sharing a room with 3 other blokes, one of them in a small double bed with him. Not a fancy hotel.
It didnāt cover any food or activities, just the train and 2 nights!
Heās pretty convinced the best man made a bit of a profit but he says he canāt ask for an itemised receipt.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Mad that he paid that much and still has no idea where it went. Even if it was all above board, not being able to ask is the bit that'd wind me up.
Poethegardencrow@reddit
Organising the stag/hen do.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Fair šš
StockKick4984@reddit
I found it simple tbh.
The stags my best mate so he was getting bullied all weekend either way. Least we could do is take him places he'd enjoy.
Hired an old Farm building BnB. Rooms were great, all had en suite etc. Had a sauna, cinema, hot tub, pool table etc.
Hired a minibus and drove us down there and back.
He's a simple fella so we booked paintballing, go karting and a bit of quad biking. Ā Restaurants booked for meals etc.
The lads got told I need the money by this day otherwise you're going to have to sort your own shit out. Couple of them said they were tight for the deadline but could pay the month after so I took it on trust and stood them the cash. Both of them came through.
With blokes it very much has to be...this is what's happening..this is how much it costs...it needs to be paid by this date..get on board or don't.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Sounds like a proper good one. Did you lot do any games or was it more just activities and drinks?
Lynvor@reddit
I would say it was chasing the money for months off people, some paid in full straight away, other paid in dribs and drabs over an extended period of time despite being asked for it everyweek, one person only paid me back half but it took me 6 months to get that so I just wrote off the remainder because It was mentally easier that continuously chasing.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
That's frustrating... funds first next time is the lesson everyone seems to land on eventually.
Rob_Cake@reddit
The problem is how you set your stall out.
Simply message everyone privately. This is the plan, this is when I need payment by. Be great to see you there.
No fucking group chat asking what everyone wants to do.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Makes sense, the group chat is where it descends into chaos. But messaging everyone individually, how do you keep track of who's actually replied and paid? That sounds like its own admin nightmare once you're past a few people.
SmellingThomas@reddit
Yes, no matter how much notice you give there will always be at least one person who will need to be chased multiple times for payments and you're left with the situation of paying for them and then continually chasing to get the money back
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Out of pocket and chasing at the same time, worst combo... Out of curiosity, when you did finally get people to pay, what actually worked, was it making it easier to pay, a hard deadline, or just nagging until they cracked?
busytransitgworl@reddit
Never heard of anyone having a great planning experience.
If I were to plan a hen party, I'd do it in four steps: 1. Question myself. Do I really hate myself that much? 2. Ask guests what they wouldn't like to do (it's easier that way) 3. Plan everything, put it on paper. 4. Invoice them. If they don't pay by a certain date, they'll be out.
A bit like at a travel agency, where stuff that you experienced just doesn't work. They plan, invoice you and you pay for it. Simple.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
The "ask what they wouldn't like" is smart, never thought of flipping it that way. And the invoice approach makes sense. Did people actually pay on time when you framed it like a proper transaction rather than a mates thing?
dejectedprimate@reddit
Trying to plan the stag do with a bunch of backseat drivers complaining about all your decisions and giving their own suggestions that have not taken into consideration all the factors you have.
Then not joining the stag do.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Hear you 10x, did you just end up making the calls yourself in the end?
bawheedio@reddit
People moaning about the accommodation, activities etc then not making any effort to offer any alternatives
Square-Platypus-8144@reddit
Yep - it's impossible to please everyone and folk seen incapable of comprehending that it's not about them ultimately.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
Can fully relate, it's easy to moan, but then no one rally takes the effort to actually suggest something better. Did you all just start ignoring the moaners in the end or try to get them to put forward an actual alternative?
SmellingThomas@reddit
Yes, this too. Especially when it's a mixed group of ages, interests and income then it is impossible to please everyone
Final_Drink2809@reddit
The lad that didnt bother confirming he was coming until the last minute, and then not paying until way after the payment date set out from when the booking was made...Ā
And the most annoying was the two lads that were well up for it from day one, offered plenty of suggestions for things, then didn't pay or turn up just went ghost mode because they had another stag do to go to and didnt bother communicating any of it as it "would be a bit awkward" yeh ive just paid for your whole day but it's fine you do you
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
The ghosting after being the keenest ones sounds like the worst bit... vanish the second money's due. How much were you left covering in the end?
hdhxuxufxufufiffif@reddit
I was best man at my friend's wedding and organised a stag weekend in Liverpool. For me the most annoying thing was that I was organising a weekend that genuinely wasn't to my taste. None of the activities, restaurants or bars we went to were places I would've chosen to go, and by the end of the Saturday night I was in charge of a load of weekend warriors, some of whom were displaying frankly embarrassing behaviour. It felt to me more like a works do than a weekend with mates, and actually I was only close to a couple of the attendees anyway. The groom and the majority had a great time though. I did a good job setting aside my own preferences and catering to the group.
NoteFlimsy8467@reddit (OP)
The "felt like a works do" bit really lands. At the one I did, I only knew the groom and two other guys, rest were his work lot. Felt like I was managing strangers half the time. Did you do anything to get people who didn't know each other talking like icebreaker games or quizzes, or did everyone just stick to their own little groups?
lukednukem@reddit
Given the strong AI vibe to the post, is someone conveniently going to provide a vibe coded solution?
hideyourarms@reddit
āGenuinely curiousā is usually the tell.
Itās a pity because itās an interesting question, but I think youāre right and weāll soon have a helpful response from someone about a tool that was really useful when they organised a definitely real stag weekend.
CelesteBracelet@reddit
For me it was getting people to commit. Everyone wants a say in the plans, but suddenly disappears when it's time to actually book something.
poopitelax@reddit
Nothing tests a friendship like sending the same payment reminder six times to someone who's somehow active in the group chat every day.
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