This mornings ration: noodles and prehistoric Velveeta sauce, about 550 calories
Posted by elonmusktheturd22@reddit | shittyfoodporn | View on Reddit | 65 comments
Woke up fatigued so had to add more calories than my rationed rice and beans. So i boiled a bit over a cup of dry noodles and mashed in some very old Velveeta queso Blanco sauce. Its supposed to be white but is so old its irange like regular Velveeta, except the dark brown corners. It also no longer sauces even when heated. Do its a clumpy curd like texture and added flavor to the noodles. This also adds salt for the day (a lot of people throw a fit that i don't add salt to everything, i get plenty without having to add it).
The Velveeta expired back in 2018, so i probably bought it 2015 or 2016. I only had 3 packets. I had this same thing the other morning, but didn't post it. Posting now, and i will do again tomorrow maybe (not posting, just eating) to use up the last packet.
After yesterdays rice and beans, which i guess a lot of y'all thought was too shitty hence its been removed by the automod, i got bored without reading the comments after it went quiet (i post what i eat because what i eat is really shitty and I'm incredibly bored, I'd still eat this shit even if i wasn't on reddit, reddits just a bonus), so i went for a 10 mile bike ride and got back just before a thunderstorm hit.
JustAnotherElsen@reddit
I am incredibly confused on how you’re a weathered outdoorsman with all this experience and knowledge on thriving in the wilderness, but when you have a shack and a car and a stove, you somehow give away all the cars, refuse to get any other transportation, complain about it (??) and you’re eating like rancid curdled food? And your garden somehow isn’t growing anything at all? Like I’m baffled as to how this works for you
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
That rant last night about the vehicles was a condensed version of almost 2 decades. A lot happens in that time.
I have only once sold a working vehicle. That was to thst old Mexican guy who i felt sorry for because he was on a fixed income, this was back before my injury when i was able to do serious work and it was not uncommon for me to have $10k+ cash sitting around. Like 2015 i spent weeks putting all my time into sawing pine slab from Amish mills then sold it all as campfire wood for $3000 on 4th of july weekend because so many people wanted bonfires in that long weekend with perfect weather and that massive stockpile was cleaned out.
All the vehicles i paid a lot for then got nothing back on were because i got screwed over by a seller selling a lemon and all i got was scrap metal. Like in spring of 2012 i paid $2500 for a buick park avenue off a coworker (when i still worked for the Mohawk tribe). Her father was a mechanic, they said they were downsizing because they had too many. I car pooled with her sometimes at the time (my old lot had 4 coworkers go past it on the way to work). That was $3500 with paperwork, about 5 weeks pay (assuming i spent nothing anywhere else, i had take-home pay around $1350 every 2 weeks as a tribal Forester)
That buick lasted about 3 weeks until i heard an explosion and it stopped running when i drove it to town for supplies (groceries) i still carpooled to work and rarely drove it because i am an environmental extremist nutjob and avoid using petroleum fuel unless i can't avoid it. Coworkers working the same hours drive past my place meant i car pooled and contributed towards gas and only 1 car was used, not 2.
Barely put 150 miles on the buick and the tow truck hauled it to the shop. The mechanic said 'the engine exploded " i don't know what happened exactly, but the bang was worse that a shotgun blast when it happened. Mechanic shop (not the one where coworkers father worked) told me the only way to fix it was to get a new engine. I tried to find one, couldn't unless i dropped another $3000 on a salvage one with no guarantee it works (only one that could be found, since cash for clunkers its been a bitch to find used car or parts and they are super expensive/rare).
Got $400 back as scrap, so was out $3100 just to be able to go get groceries 2-3 times with it. Other coworkers told me afterwards that the car had given that coworker a lot if trouble and they sold it knowing it was junk, lied about it and pawned it on me before it crapped out permanently. Her husband stole firewood off me 2 years later, got fired from his job a year after for embezzlement (took employer money to the casino) then had his legs broke by some drug dealers he owed money to. The coworker herself was a program manager at one of the tribes facilities.
Took months to save up to try again, got fucked by multiple dealerships and private sales like that so stopped trying.
When i sold that truck that worked nobody would buy it because they all assumed i was like everyone else pawning a soon to crap out scrap vehicle, since thats a common thing in the area (screw someone else over before it dies and get more than scrap money for it). I sold it to that Mexican guy after almost 6 months of trying to sell at a fair price. I was also pissed off about how my old boss conned me into renewing my licence and buying it when i did not want it to begin with (was only meant to be temporary to do a well paying gig). every other vehicle before it i sold as scrap.
JustAnotherElsen@reddit
Listen man you have to learn some farming techniques. Not even dogging on you I’m just mostly baffled by your… life scenario. If you have a connection, I would see if somebody can somewhat buy things in bulk for you that don’t go chunky and nasty, and I’d also recommend like 2000% if you don’t know yet, to learn how to can your own goods, you can even can like, eggs. It’s an absolute game changer and I’ll bet you could barter your way into one if you look around
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I used up my home canned stuff before i resorted to this crap. My current garden is a failure. I had good gardens in the past, but can't do the stuff i did before due to my back injury (half my spine bolted together).
spooky_ashton@reddit
been following your posts every now and then… have you considered a perpetual stew situation? you could keep it hot, which would prevent spoilage so long as you’re feeding/stirring the pot frequently enough. left over veggies and meats could do in there. you could scoop it over a carb and have a fairly nutrient dense meal that’s flavorful and only really needs water and veggies.
just a thought since a fridge seems to be out of the question.
if keeping a continuous fire is out of the question in your shack, maybe you could build a pit with some rocks and mud and keep the pot hanging overtop with some rebar?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
That stuffs even less safe than what i normally eat. People who did that had high rates of botulism poisoning.
Botulism survives in boiling temperatures, thats why low acid food has to be pressure canned, the pressure allows the canner to exceed boiling temperature, high enough to kill botulism spores. If botulism spores got into that perpetual stew it would survive and grow in it. Botulism is fairly rare so people have been able to do perpetual stee and boiling only canning low acid stuff without getting sick through luck, not safety.
The crap i eat is sterile, just old and discolored and often faded vitamins and flavor. If i have any doubt about it i don't eat it.
Fickle_Departure_899@reddit
If you keep it above 140 degrees at all times it'll stay safe, if it dips below then botulism can grow and potentially create spores that will not die when it reaches a boil again, so you'd have to throw it away and start over
FCD_Djinn@reddit
Why the fuck do you want to live like this
Jetstream-Sam@reddit
I have to ask man, is there an end point to this? Is there a chance things will get better? Is there a time when you won't have to eat like this, or is it forever?
I know it's parasocial but after reading your posts for however long you've been posting about them and learning bits here or there, I just hope there's some point where you won't be eating somewhat rancid looking cheese powder, and can afford at least in date food.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
No end point likely. Just living day to day. I might buy stuff when i finally run out of old stuff, but its probably going to be the same crap just with newer dates on the package
hazza987@reddit
Why?
Masticatron@reddit
Some men just want to feel their ass burn.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
No vehicle, no fridge, that won't change.
I priced it out, having reliable transportation will cost $14,000 per year (new or used, with all the associated costs in paperwork, fuel, maintenance, etc). Its not practical.
Would run $3000 to $4000 to have a reliable refrigerator (this assumes a new propane apartment size fridge, all the lines, and a large tank with a year supply of fuel, which i would have to drop monry on for years, thats the most realistic option).
So that means having to rely on 1 ride to town per month or every other month, or once every 4-6 months (if anything happens to my 73 year old friend in poor health i would have to make an all day trip with my tractor once or twice a year).
Thus canned and dried stuff is about the best i can realistically use
Mizike1994@reddit
$14k per year seems crazy. I have low end SUV. cost 7k to purchase outright and I probably pay $250 for registration and $1k in maintenence. You can get a beater for much less and it would benefit you man. Rethink that and your life would probably be much better
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
2018 i had a truck i didn't want. My licence expired in 2017 and i didn't plan to renew. My old boss offered me a $15k gig to do some timber inventory work but i needed a truck, so i renewed my licence and bought a 93 Chevy 1500 for $1400 off his brother. Then he spent months sitting on the paperwork for the job while i kept dumping all my money into keeping it on the road legally and never used it. Had to put $4000 into various repairs, then when it came time to renew 6 months insurance it was jacked up. I paid the first 6 months min liability for $350, at renewal progressive, geico, state farm, all wanted around $2000 for 6 months min liability insurance. No explanation, no tickets (i never drove anywhere). And my old boss was still sitting on the paperwork for the gig. I intended to do the job and sell the truck after but was being jerked around and dumping all my money into a truck i did not want. So i turned in the plates and closed the insurance rather than pay that much. Figured I'd put on the road when the paperwork was ready (hint: it never was). In the spring i put it up for sale and everyone kept accusing me of needing a head ir transmission or something (they couldn't comprehend someone not wanting a vehicle and anyone else would sell a lemon and lie about it, i was straight with everything) after months if dealing with shitheads i sold it for $400 to an old Mexican guy (accent and where he said he was from) and he still had it at least until 2021 (saw him with it at walmart).
I burned my lisence and swore never to drive again. Felt my old boss conned me into getting a lisence i did not want and a money sink truck so held a grudge a few years.
I briefly relapsed and looked into a vehicle again in 2024 just to be screwed by a (now former) friend on a used van. When my licence expired again (got a new one, burning it didn't cancel the old one, just got a new copy) i refused to renew and this time i will not renew or get another ever again. I'm not dealing with that bullcrap paperwork stuff again or the shell games everyone else tollerates as "just how it is" assuming everyone needs a car and refrigerators or indoor plumbing so go deep into cc debt to keep playing. Fuck that, I'm out
DumpsterDiplomat@reddit
Don't engage this dude always has excuses for anything reasonable, I can only call this struggle porn.
MysteryPlatelet@reddit
Was going to say, even without a fridge you can eat better than this shit.
catmeownyc@reddit
Literally like is there no land to plant on?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I have a large garden. Plowed, harrowed, and planted half an acre. Just weeded some with the hoe before checking internet again.
Unfortunately nothing is growing. So i should stop bothering to hoe it.
catmeownyc@reddit
Feed the dirt
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
You assume that i haven't. I been eating crap i had accumulated over years as a way to squeeze out money to improve the farm. Last year i had my tractor rebuilt (new engine on farmall 706) every cent not spent on food went towards that or other improvements.
Mechanic put plain water in the radiator, just before winter, needs another new engine now and I'm disputing it with the shop, they admitted what they did but refuse to fix it because the parts are too expensive (what they told me).
Even with strict austerity all year i was still $200 in debt in December for field work mennonites did when i couldn't do it myself.
And the rye crop they put in the field failed so I'm out the 3k i paid to put it in.
MysteryPlatelet@reddit
What? Do you mean that they should grow their own vegetables? That is not viable for many people, and not what I was referring to.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I've had vehicles in the past. Spend half a year saving, buy whats supposed to be decent for a well known local used dealer, the engine literally burst into flames 2 weeks later, dealer laughs at me, court was useless. Ended up getting a few hundred back as scrap metal then i start over. Next vehicle lasted 2 months till it died. Then another from a dealership had a cracked frame and couldn't pass inspection, etc etc. i gave up wasting money on stuff like that long ago after dumping all my money into vehicles and getting screwed every time. Was better to just walk, was doing that anyway.
Had an ok truck in 2015-16 till it needed a lot if work and i got fucked by one mechanic after another.
I tried getting a van from a former friend 2 years ago, i paid fir it, he played games for months refusing to hand over the title and expected me to pay him for insurance to keep under his name till he got around to signing it over. It was in shit shape (he lied about the shape it was in) and was not road safe, but without title i wasn't putting a cent into it so only drove once a month for 3 months (rather than get a ride). Then he demanded it back because his other vehicle broke down (also shit shape), with no title i had to give it back. Was screwed at first but he had also forgotten he bought firewood and a shed from me for the same price i paid for the van so i sold that stuff to someone else to recover most of the money snd don't talk to him anymore. Van would have needed $6k to be road legal.
And fuckit, last year i sank a fortune into getting my tractor fixed, new engine on a 70hp diesel tractor. Cost 1/4 of my income last year. The shop put plain water in the radiator when they were done, in the fall. The engine and everything else was destroyed over winter. Shop admitted it, said they would fix it, that was months ago, last time i heard from them was a month ago and the guys son laughed and said its rusting out back because they don't want to pay fir the parts it needs. That tractor, in good shape, was worth almost a years disability income for me. Now its crap and im dealing with another asshole mechanic (shops a Mennonite shop, one if the only certified tractor mechanic shops in 100 miles, I'm going through their community to duspute it and they are dragging their heels to avoid fixing what they did, no court verifiable proof so im basically fucked and have to count on their community to pressure them on it).
Jimbuscus@reddit
How far is the travel?
Would a foot powered vehicle be viable, its usual ongoing costs are only additional food for that day, so long as it doesn't need to be repaired.
However if you are traveling further than 15km / 10 miles, it stops being an option without above average cardio health.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Before my injury i was outpacing the Amish for endurance. Those guys broke and quit when working with me on the same jobs. Used to parkour type run mountain trails with 150lb pack on and once walked 500 miles in a week.
I can still use a bike but its not easy and there really isn't anything in range. Its about 45 miles round trip to the grocery store.
Jimbuscus@reddit
I was thinking of a bike trailer, with a month worth in a trip, not sure if 45 min is via bike or car.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
When i was more active i was hauling 150lb loads with bike and trailer. The trailers i use are those light stroller kinds with a 75lh limit. I get them cheap in yard sales sometimes and typically modify them.
Then i get more weight in saddle baskets. Metal baskets held a lot but my current bikes can't mount those classic metal baskets so im limited to 20-25lb there, 40 in metal basket (handlebar basket holds 5-10lb)
Then a frame pack held 40-50lb.
Since my injury the best i could do is the trailer alone.
Still would be close to 3 hours each way as i can only go in low gears, so 7 mph. That also assumes perfect weather.
Despite being able to use a bike, town is still far out of range. I can make the trip there, i can't make it back as i am now.
Jimbuscus@reddit
I wonder if the upkeep & petrol for a type of motorbike with a trailer would be viable.
Mini electrics cost too much unfortunately, but you wouldn't have had the electric output to top-up, unless there was a charger in town. I'd love to have one myself, but the entry pricing doesn't make it viable.
Vinyl-addict@reddit
Wdym “lines” for the fridge? My fridge just plugs into the wall.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I said the most realistic option is a propane fridge. They don't use electric they use a pilot light heat exchanger and need propane lines, regulator, etc between the tank and the fridge.
Power is not available on my road so "just plugs into the wall" is nonsense
Vinyl-addict@reddit
I see, well that puts a wrench in things.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I don't mean to be rude about it, I'm exhausted hearing that. When looking at stuff in stores i look at the package to calculate wattage since i have to generate my own power and have a severe limit. Stuff often doesn't have wattage listed so salesman get pushy on me when i look at the box, then if i ask about wattage they get a grin like they think i have down syndrome and said the most ret##### thing they ever heard and say "just plug it into the wall" without bothering to answer. Which results in me walking out without buying anything. Usually i later research stuff and find it impractical.
Once tried to figure out wattage needed for a 12v charger and was planning to rig it up off a 1600watt inverter run off my pickup idling (when i had one) to make a generator off extension cords to charge my battery bank. This was 2011-13 timeframe. Salesmen tried pushing me into buying it saying i should run it off the battery and will be fine as long as it makes more power than it uses. Salesmen don't give a shit about the customer or product, they lie and say anything to push a sale, they only care about the cash in the customers pocket. I don't buy unless i have all the info and know it will work.
Canna_ben_oid541@reddit
If you dont know, a lot of appliances may not list the power draw in watts but may list current draw in amps. Simple calculation to convert to watts from there watts=current*voltage (P=IV).
I'm sure you know this, having set up your own solar power, but on the off chance you dont I hope it can come in handy when looking for appliances.
Jetstream-Sam@reddit
I know you've got solar panels, do you have a battery system to store power? I don't know much about power generation but I know they make storage batteries. They look to be about a thousand dollars, which is still expensive, but you'd be able to run a freezer off them assuming your solar panels can keep up. I think they do government grants you might be eligible for based on being in an isolated location, but I know you've said you don't want handouts. You could look at it as a tax refund, though.
Since you like cycling too, have you considered an electric bike? They have gotten really good over the last few years, and though charging them might be an issue, it could be mitigated a little by asking in town if you can charge it there for the return journey. Or you could save power by cycling there and using the battery on the way back. It'd mean you could get to and fro more easily, so you can go more often than once every couple of months. I got one for £800 a few years ago, and you can travel up to 80 miles on just the battery, more if you pedal alongside. I would assume they've gotten better in that time.
Of course, getting either of those actually to your house would probably be difficult. And I don't really remember if you mentioned much about finances, but they might be targets to save up for, at least. It's a shame Fiverr got ruined by AI. It used to be a viable way of making money online but people just ask ChatGPT now for most of what they used to get someone else to do
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
My array generates 400 watts an hour in good weather.
We rarely have good weather. Long stretches of time i have to use the oil lamp for light because its so dark i a full day only makes enough power to charge the cell phone (and not enough left for a 5watt led lightbulb). I could theoretically use electric to run a fridge sometimes. Like a few years ago i was running a tabletop ice maker, but could only run it in perfect sunny weather. Took most of the day to fill the cooler and it was all melted 3 days later (one of those super thick yeti type coolers). Required a 1000 watt inverter and they ain't cheap. Would cost $200+ for a good one (like Schumacher), lesser brands are only $100 but they burn out in a month (neverstart brand from walkmart, that brand never lasts more than 20 hours before it bursts into flames, even if it not doing anything but running a lightbulb). I do have a battery. Its going to be hella expensive to set up enough panels and batteries to reliably use it to power even a cube fridge, and even then need to have a generator for backup making more expense and maintenance and constant need to buy fuel. I been though all this bs before and its not worth the trouble. A propane fridge runs off a heat exchanger and would use a grill size tank each month for a fridge roughly the size of a cube fridge, the most practical option. Used ones never work and are super expensive or impossible to repair, new ones are very expensive too.
I've tried crap like that plenty of times before, and all it ends up being is a money sink with little to no benefit to anyone but some sleezy conman sales agent or company that has less scruples than the announcer salesman selling used fly paper, rat traps, and pointy sticks to eli and abner on ren and stimpy.
Jetstream-Sam@reddit
Fair enough, I did think it didn't look particularly sunny on the pictures you posted. Still I would recommend looking into an electric bike. I'm certain there's some shady companies but there's almost certainly some people on the subreddit willing to tell you which ones should be avoided. I believe some companies also do conversion kits where you install the motor, batteries and controls on an existing bike. Just a thought, anyway
MarkWebbersBumChin@reddit
Is this some mental health issues / sovereign citizens type stuff? Rules out biking into town but rides 20 miles because bored.
Wild stuff here
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I can do 20 IF its warm weather with low humidity. Half my spines bolted together so in high humidity I'm bedridden in pain without doing anything.
Low humidity i can do SOME activity but the longer i do it the more painful it gets. After 20 miles in perfect weather I'm in excruciating pain and have to lay down the rest of the day.
Its 20 miles to get to town. Then it would be another 20 to get home, plus a few going between any stops in town. So lets say 43-45 miles total for a round trip to town.
I can make it TO town in perfect weather, but i won't be able to make it back on my own, let alone carry any cargo.
Last year the entire month of August was 70% humidity or higher so i was basically bed ridden all month barely able to get to the outhouse with screaming and keeling over in pain.
There is almost nothing in range i can bike to and get back from.
I am pushing myself to bike as much as i can hoping to get better. So far it hasn't, I'm still limited to 2 hours upright at best before im screaming in pain.
Niadisson2014@reddit
Omg 😱 2018
Nowaythis2020@reddit
Lol
kindaweedy45@reddit
Gross
NewNecessary3037@reddit
Why.
Striking_External731@reddit
Bro you sound like a professional victim.
How much does a cooler cost and some Ice? Going camping as kids that shit would last like 4-5 days and thats in the middle of summer. Whats ice cost, like $2 a bag? For $4 a week you get a fridge.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
No vehicle and its 20 miles to town. I only get there once a month at best. Im in incredible shape for someone with half their spine bolted together but even able to walk as much as i can getting anywhere that sells ice is not possible
R-A-B-Cs@reddit
Brother I read your other posts. You're definitely getting enough salt (probably way too much)
Are you able to source any green vegetables or have any programs that provide greens/fresh produce in your area?
Surviving on old processed products is a recipe for your continued fatigue.
Wishing you the best -a medic
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I planted a large garden, nothing grew so far
catmeownyc@reddit
Do you compost? Compost water is great fertilizer.
HumongousBelly@reddit
Please update me on this in 48 hours. I have some ancient cheese sauce, too. And I want to know if it killed you.
tipareth1978@reddit
Don't eat it. Just because one didn't kill someone doesn't mean another one won't
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I agree, i walk off stuff that kills normal humans. Pretty sure im descended from Rasputin
erleichda29@reddit
It's really remarkable how you're both superior to everyone else yet helpless to change a single thing about your situation.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
The thing is i know my limits, i know exactly what i can and can't do.
whisky_biscuit@reddit
Um yeah good question. I'm wondering if this felt worse coming out than going in.
That cheese is bound to wreck your stomach faster than a crave case at White Castle.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I wish i had a white castle near me, thats a luxury for me
Fucky0uthatswhy@reddit
You must not know much about this guy
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I had the same 48 hours ago and im fine, the cheese box had 3 packets in it, this was the second.
d0ctorsmileaway@reddit
Praying for your gut
Internal_Sweet_2144@reddit
Seek mental help.
brisetta@reddit
Man, i have been watching your posts here for years now. I wanted to say i really admire how damn creative you are with your rations. I dont think ive ever seen a meal i wouldnt eat, or something that looked a chore to ingest. So seriously massive props to you!
You are making the best out of what you have and youre so creative sometimes i think you must have been a chef to european royalty in a past life.
Anyway just massive support from me and hope you will keep the posts up!
rdldr1@reddit
On box instructions are only a suggestion, I take it?
YcemeteryTreeY@reddit
I hate when fake cheese expires and clumps like that. I had a whole case of Kraft Mac and Cheese expired only a year and the sauce came out exactly like that. Cannot revive.
Shady_Scientist@reddit
It's a suggestion not at a demand ! I respect you
LeBneg@reddit
I knew who it was before looking at the username. Godspeed you mad bastard.
_thatkitten@reddit
The cute plate is what I will choose to focus on here. Bon appetit!
Overall_Aardvark_923@reddit
Hustle