How do i stop getting extremely frustrated & crybaby-ish when my code or program doesn't work when I want it to?

Posted by Xinfinte@reddit | learnprogramming | View on Reddit | 35 comments

i have ADHD and whenever my brain can't understand a coding concept or whenever my mod a made doesn't work, or whenever im following a tutorial and my screen shows completely different things than what the instructor is showing i get extremely frustrated, cuss alot, say I hate programming & computer science, and that this is a waste of time and there's no point in wasting my time in some bs that is actively trying to fight me. Then after a day and this same cycle happens all the time

I am getting so sick of getting so angry whenever something doesn't go exactly my way. I am intelligent enough to know that every single programmer ever has ran into a multitude of problems before and computers in general have to arrange certain things in very specific ways. There's no guessing or hand holding or mercy in alot of programming and i know that but i can't control those rage moments where I just want to throw my laptop into a wall when I can't figure out how to solve any of the problems I discussed in the first paragraph

I seriously do need help. Ever since I could remember i have always wanted to make my own games and make mods of video games, but as soon as something goes wrong I'm ready to smash my laptop into pieces. How do i stop this or at the very least lessen this emotional overwhelming?

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SchemeWestern3388@reddit

Ok. Still, this is not the place for them to find help.

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itsbitterbitch@reddit

I didn't actually disagree with that.

This person kind of proved that point by giving potentially harmful advice (and such callous, overdone advice).

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Ani-3@reddit

Suggesting therapy is not harmful - ignoring things that are making it harder to do your (future) job is incredibly harmful.

It may or may not work for OP, and you are right ADHD can't just be talked away, but that's not what I'm suggesting.

They need to take a real look at why they feel this way and we can't help them with it.

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itsbitterbitch@reddit

I know not everyone gets this or cares about it even if they do but therapists given free reign to try to cure neurodivergence are incredibly harmful. Therapy can be harmful. A blind dictation that every neurodivergent person go to therapy to be fixed is harmful.

This is far out of the scope of the sub at this point and I'm not going to continue here.

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deleted_by_reddit@reddit

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SchemeWestern3388@reddit

I’m unsure which poster you are referring to.

Regardless. It’s not the greater world’s problem to fix people with mental issues. OP needs to seek professional help.

Achereto@reddit

Maybe ask the question in r/ADHD_Programmers. 😄

spazure@reddit

Oh shit, I have found my people.

Not OP, but thank you so much for this referral!

Xinfinte@reddit (OP)

Same. My people have found me

THIS IS A REAL FUCKING SUBREDDIT?????? Thank you holy fucking shit

RecursiveServitor@reddit

First of all, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_load

Be aware of your cognitive load and take a break before your brain starts melting. It's not easy, but it's a very valuable skill.

Secondly, work on regulating your emotions. If you can't handle any amount of frustration without flying off the handle you'll fail at life.

Thirdly, use AI to offload as needed, so you can move forward instead of stalling. You'll pick up on things you skipped through repetition.

Thanks!

SnugglyCoderGuy@reddit

Emotional disregulation from your ADHD. Suggest medication and therapy.

GItPirate@reddit

That's not normal. Programming might not be for you.

Constant_Swimmer_679@reddit

You have emotional regulation issues and should be seeking advice from a psychiatrist, not a reddit forum for programming support.

blueberry0721@reddit

I would just suggest taking more breaks, I have this happen sometimes and if I walk away the answer will come to me 20 minutes later while I'm doing something completely different. It's hard for those of us with ADHD because we get locked in and struggle to change directions but it helps a lot, sometimes the brain just needs time to process the information in the background

Not to mention the fact that, especially in the learning phase, the struggle is where the longer term learning comes from.

zeocrash@reddit

Go take 5, have a break. Then funnel that anger into proving that the code will not beat your and that you're better than it.

Then once you solve the issue, remember how good that feels.

I find that works for me.

Yesss. As a gamer, I learned over time that "squashing a bug in my code" and "beating a difficult boss" give me the same dopamine rush. The only difference is that I can get paid to code, but I'll never be a professional gamer.

SillyOldJack@reddit

As someone with ADHD and having spent a little time learning some programming, I can say with anecdotal authority that this is an ADHD issue and not specific to programming.

We suck at sticking to things we aren't good at very quickly. Programming is FULL of small things that don't always work the way you expect, so it's easy to feel like we're bad at it, even though we're probably experiencing the exact same things others are at the same level of practice.

I would advise taking a break when you feel frustrated like that, and then, after your emotional state has returned to neutral, try to figure out why you got frustrated as specifically as you can. This goes beyond programming. Try to ask yourself "why?" about the feelings you felt, then ask "why?" again to the answer to the first.

For example, I'll provide a "why?" chain that has helped me:

"Why am I mad that this didn't work?"
Because I expected it to and it didn't.

"Why does that bother me?"
Because it makes me feel like a failure.

"Why does that make me feel like a failure?
Because it makes me feel stupid for not understanding right away.

"Why do I feel a need to understand right away?"
Because I was a "gifted child" in grade school and thought everything would be easy forever.

From here I can (theoretically) reason with myself that this is an unreasonable expectation for myself. Even this doesn't always work on its own, but it can pretty reliably break down "I suck at life and everything" into more manageable thoughts and challenges.

This is not really about learning programming. You need some help from other places.

Yeah this is it. This isn’t a programming issue, OP needs therapy

Therapy doesn't cure ADHD and most therapists are completely unequipped for any sort of neurodivergence. Plus if it's as extreme as OP is describing meds are probably the issue. You don't just therapize and self-improvement your way out of this.

Therapy can include medical treatment for disorders

source: someone with severe ADHD who is medicated

Idk where you live but in the US people who prescribe meds are not at all qualified to prescribe meds and no one would see the two as one and the same. If you're being prescribed meds by anyone who isn't medically certified or they are otherwise dictating your meds and dosages I am genuinely concerned

dude I'm not sure why you're trying to fight.

OP is not going to get the type of help they need for this here in this subreddit

I am seeing both a psychiatrist and a psychologist - details which weren't relevant to our conversation or what I'm saying about the OP. I'm not even disagreeing with you.

This is not the place for OP to seek help for this problem. OP needs therapy but also needs to be medicated if this is indeed a mental health issue. A good place to start is therapy where they can help identify the problems they're having and what they stem from. That might mean ADHD and medication eventually. It might mean they need to work on something internally.

I have no idea how old you are, but I used to struggle with this a lot in my teens and 20s.

The answer is probably going to be a combination of therapy and medication.

Medication isn’t a magic cure, and it won’t fix everything on its own, but it can help put you in a place where you’re actually able to do the work in therapy and build healthier ways of handling those extreme emotions over time.

Also, as a side note: whenever I’m closest to snapping like that, it’s usually when I’m closest to cracking the case. Walking away for a bit, letting the emotions settle, and coming back with fresh eyes often leads to an “oh, duh” moment where suddenly everything clicks. Continuing to slam yourself against the same brick wall while you’re highly activated is rarely productive. At that point it’s more like… productivity theater. You’re getting yourself more and more worked up, but not actually making progress.

One of the best things about programming is that very rarely does the code need to be finished right that second. Most things will survive if you step away for 10–15 minutes to take a walk, grab a snack, do some grounding exercises, meditate, whatever helps reset your brain.

It’s especially hard with ADHD because task-switching while hyperfocused can feel damn near impossible, but once that level of agitation kicks in, the hyperfocus usually stops helping and starts working against you. Learning to notice that state and deal with it before it boils over is a huge part of managing the condition as an adult.

Therapy alone usually isn’t enough. Medication alone usually isn’t enough either. But together, they can be an excellent start.

DonkeyTron42@reddit

A major part of programming is persistence and it's only going to get more difficult as you get more advanced. Simple syntax errors will be replaced with code that works 99% of the time but that 1% it fails will be due to some extremely difficult to track down runtime bug. Until you can address the underlying issue and learn how to sharpen your focus, you will likely have a very difficult time. On a side note, I can't tell you how many times I've spent countless hours trying to track down some bug until I finally give up and walk away. Then the next morning when I'm in the shower, it becomes totally obvious. So knowing when to call it a day and just walk away for a while is another skill.

i-am-nicely-toasted@reddit

That feeling of something not working the way you wanted it to, is the feeling of learning. Keep at it.

Fipene54@reddit

tere ko gali dene ka maan kr ra.

zincifre@reddit

Irritability is a depression symptom. On top of that, you will have executive function issues from untreated depression even when you receive treatment for adhd.

windowssandbox@reddit

You can actually print f strings that are acting like a debugger, it will help you find the problem and know how to fix it.

confuseddork24@reddit

Not sure how much this would help, but the program is only ever going to do what you tell it to do. So if it does something you don't want, or doesn't do something, then you provided the wrong instructions. The code always works exactly how it's supposed to. If you can adopt this frame of mind it becomes more of an interesting mystery you can learn from instead of being frustrated at something outside of your control - it's all in your control.

jack_mackeral@reddit

Well you are going to have to come to terms with error checking being your main skill and loving that you know how to solve problems. That's where the real dopamine hits are going to come from. Copying a tutorial is one thing but making a crap half baked or outdated tutorial work makes you a lot cooler and useful. Also you could try therapy, what you are describing might not be normal.