Did I offend my neighbour, strange experience?
Posted by ProfessionalNewt7@reddit | AskABrit | View on Reddit | 52 comments
Hi
I just had a negative encounter with my opposite neighbour and been living here 3 years, they're friendly and talk to us in passing and generally day to day stuff (early 40's english couple)
I'm buying a home and needed a witness for the contract etc and do not know anyone else and in this area, only them. I asked the male gentleman if he could be a witness for these docs as I do not know anyone here, his demeanour shifted and he questioned 'what is it and what is it for', i said i just need a name/address and signature for the sale contract tr1 and he said 'ummm okay, i can take a look'
Great, i thought. So yesterday evening I knocked their door and no one answered, but their car was parked outside. So I left it for a while, and tried again after an hour, no answer. I felt like someone was inside but did not want to open the door, as I was walk away, the man opened the door and saw me standing as I was waving at him, and he just closed the door.
I thought, maybe they didn't see me? So i knocked their door again, and after a long 2 minute wait. He opened the door and wasn't friendly at all like before. I said 'apologies, this were the documents I need a witness for', he hastily said 'no sorry, i can't' and shut the door in my face. I walked off quite shocked since last night
Did I do anything wrong here? Strange really. It's going be awkward going forward or if i should be exchanging hellos at all. I mean he could've just said upfront he doesn't feel comfortable when I originally spoke to him
Fallout4Addict@reddit
He felt uncomfortable. Your a stranger to him and your asking him to sign a legal document. I'm not sure what you expected.
Do you have an employer you could ask? I'm presuming the person signing has to actually know you.
Timtamjam44@reddit
They probably just misunderstood what you were asking for and panicked thinking it was a loan agreement that they would then be responsible for.
I'm guessing this is just like a character witness for making sure no one was coorced into signing and you are who you say you are, that you have the right to own property etc?
I would just try and find someone else and then mention it to your neighbor another time.
Depending on your job you could ask a colleague (or more senior person) but make sure to fully explain. I did this for my passport renewal because I needed it quickly (for work) and most of my friends didn't qualify under the list of recognised job titles.
I'm aware that I'll be doing the same as you soon so I will ask some friends that have recently qualified (and also work in a recognised industry).
eques_99@reddit
Oh yeah I hate having to ask for witnesses.
It really is no small thing.
Who the hell does want to sign something for someone they don't really know? They could be signing anything really.
Yet solicitors etc. always act as if it's a really small, trivial thing "can you ask one of your neighbours to do it or something?"
FormerlyDK@reddit
He didn’t want to be involved even just to the extent of witnessing. I wouldn’t either, for basically a stranger.
Wubbleyou_@reddit
He’s on a witness protection scheme and is worried you’re working for the gang he got put away.
I think I watch too much television.
AlexRichmond26@reddit
You're wrong.
He is a disguised alien from planet Chu-chu and they can be revealed by signature.
It baffles me why people forget this small detail about aliens.
FootballPublic7974@reddit
You're both wrong. His name is Lord Lucan and he's lived there quietly since offing his children's nanny in 1974 (or whenever).
abibofsweat@reddit
It sounds like an official document if it’s for the sale of a house, a lot of people can be funny about signing official documentation, especially if they don’t know the person all that well. He probably did the awfully British thing of saying yes because he didn’t want to be rude, then changed his mind about doing it and thus avoided you by not answering the door. Us Brits are terrible at saying no and even worse when we change our minds and go for the nuclear option of just totally avoiding someone in order to get out of the thing we’ve agreed to. Don’t worry, it’s not you!
National_Peach4181@reddit
Probably a council house or private rented paid by council and hes probably not supposed to be living there, and didnt want his details linked to that address.
Cherrytree374@reddit
I have been on the other side of this. I had a neighbour who I had seen in passing, but they had never introduced themselves (I hadn't either in fairness) turn up on the door and ask if I would countersign a legal document for the sale of their house.
I was so taken off guard that this person who I only knew by sight would want me to agree to sign a legal document, that I didn't have the chance to read myself before signing, that I told them I didn't feel comfortable signing something I didn't understand what I was signing.
They were really put out by my response, and after I had the chance to read up on it I felt bad as I felt like I should have just signed, but I grew up with money problems in my family as a kid, there is no chance that I am countersigning a document that I don't understand for a house purchase or sale for someone I don't really know.
1182990@reddit
Having had to get several documents witnessed, and witnessed several myself, I understand the process and wouldn't be weird about it.
My neighbours have witnessed my signature and I've witnessed theirs.
From the reactions of a lot of people who've responded to this, they have no idea what it entails and would be wary of it themselves, so just presume that your neighbour has led a very sheltered life getting to his 40s and not having been in that situation, and let it wash over you!
Having had him agree to it and knowing what a big deal it is NOT, I'd persist with ringing the doorbell and not get the hint either!
Jaded_Leg_46@reddit
It might be that they're don't fully understand what it entails and panicked. All they have to do is be physically there and and that is you who is signing and that you've signed it willingly. Being a witness doesn't legally tie them to your house or any other legalities that come with buying a home. You could ask a work colleague, a friend, someone at your solicitors, as long as it isn't anyone incolved with the mortgage or selling the house.
KeepShtumMum@reddit
Go back to him and apologise for putting him in an awkward position. Explain why you asked and leave it at that. If you burnt a bridge that will lay the foundation for another.
-XiaoSi-@reddit
Maybe put a little card through the door with the apologies and explanation written in it. If OP knocks on the door again the neighbour might feel like they’re harassing him.
KeepShtumMum@reddit
That's a much better idea.
MirandaPoth@reddit
Or, maybe he was in the middle of a row with his wife!
DevelopmentLow214@reddit
Signing a contract for a house purchase is not a trivial matter. I would not sign as a casual witness for a stranger in these scam-prone times. For such a serious document if you have no trusted friends or colleagues you need to get an official witness such as a Justice of the Peace or solicitor.
spittingparasite@reddit
He tried to say no without actually saying no, you didn't take the hint. He hid from you, you didn't take the hint. He had to actually say no, which was excruciating. He probably thinks you're pushy and a bit clueless.
Active_Definition_57@reddit
I think some people don't realise that there's no way in which witnessing a signature to a document makes you a party to it.
Another possible factor is that the witness must know that the person signing the document is the same person who is a party to it and we often don't know our neighbours' full names. This is why, a few years ago, I got a neighbour who was a former colleague to witness something for me because she knows my name.
myinspiration07@reddit
You don’t know them well enough to ask them to sign, but I can see you were in a tough situation with no-one else to ask. Would they even have been suitable witnesses anyway?
ShortArugula7340@reddit
I'm in my 40's and I don't own a house and have never seen one of these documents. If a neighbour I didn't know well came to my doorstep with an unfamiliar legal document like this wanting me to sign it, it'd feel a bit pushy and I'd be a bit suspicious.
It might be a bit different if you'd built trust (ie, if you do small tasks for one another, like reminding eachother that it's recycling day via WhatsApp etc and messaged them before arriving at their doorstep), but it sounds like you don't have a relationship with your neighbour, other than a polite acknowledgement that you're neighbours, or at best a little rapport.
I might accept out of politeness but feel like it was a burden, as I’d now have the additional hassle of having to fully understand the legal document to make sure that there are no reprocussions for me before signing, which I don't fully have the confidence to do. I have access to a legal support line through my work benefits so I'd probably make use of that and/or run it through an AI to understand it and double check it was legit before signing, and I might frame it to myself as a learning experience, if I had the time to so. However, not everyone has those resources and even with my checks I might feel uncomfortable about the position I'd been put in, even if inadvertently.
That might sound OTT if you're familiar with the document, but it requires understanding or trust if you're not, and it seems either or both were missing.
Even if they own their own home and have signed a document like this themselves they may have had a friend, parent or legal representative that they trust sitting in a formal setting just telling them where to sign and adding their signature, so they still may not be familiar with the document in the way that you are, or your approach. Ultimately it was probably easier for them to just not get involved.
Alien-lifeform666@reddit
I don’t think you did anything wrong by asking, but I get the feeling he felt like you put him on the spot so he said he’d take a look, then changed his mind so he tried to avoid you when you knocked.
Sea-Check-9062@reddit
He doesn't understand what witnessing is.
CicadaSlight7603@reddit
If you don’t know them quite well (not just in passing) then I think they are concerned it could be a scam. You could be trying to steal their identity or use their signature to forge something, or trick them into being guarantor.
I would do this for someone I knew well but not someone I who is just a neighbour I have the odd casual chat with.
Apologise for putting them in an awkward position and then don’t mention it again. They’ll probably be friendly enough once they realise you’re not pushing it but they might always be a bit wary of you.
Can a colleague help?
redandbluebadness@reddit
Maybe he is illiterate and doesn't want to sign something he can't understand
semorebunz@reddit
if a random asked me i would maybe assume its some sort of credit agreeement im being tricked to sign ?
Long-Woodpecker-1980@reddit
Came to say the same thing. It sounds like the guy doesn't really understand it and it's worried it's a scam.
Tiny_Size2037@reddit
Try the doctor you're registered with. He/she will probably charge you for it though
philff1973@reddit
Unfortunately in this day and age I would think the same.
AkihabaraWasteland@reddit
I wouldn't sign it.
You asked quite a personal favour from someone you barely know.
ElvishMystical@reddit
If you noticed that his demeanour shifted, then why didn't you address the issue right there and then by asking something like "Are you okay with this? Is there an issue?"
Asking someone to be a witness to a contract is a pretty big ask for many people, particularly strangers and people you haven't met before. Would I do it if you came and asked me? Yes, but I would be asking what it's for first. But I can see how other people might have an issue about this.
But anyway, moving forward....just how important is this neighbour's opinion to what you do in life?
See we seem to try and read into each others' intentions and motives and we make assumptions (often negatively and incorrectly) when in actual reality we don't have a clue. You can't go through life constantly being afraid of other people, fearing the worst or suspecting them of shit, because it's too much mental load and half the time none of your business. I live in a flat on an estate in London and unless I'm given a reason I assume that everyone is decent and above board.
We've got to have trust in life, both in ourselves and others, because you'll never have community or a society if everything is based on half-baked assumptions or suspicions.
I wouldn't think about it much or worry about it. Just chalk it down to experience and accept that, for whatever reason, you started out on a negative with this neighbour. Somewhere down the line there'll be an opportunity for a positive. You just need to be mindful and take that opportunity. Outside of that get on with your life.
Wubbleyou_@reddit
I’d tell you to mind your own business if you gave me that passive aggressive, “Are you okay with this, is there an issue”?
One-Zebra-150@reddit
No, don't think you've done anything wrong at all. I grew up in a generation where if my English elders were asked to counter sign any legal documents, they'd be a tendency to get paranoid. Thinking someone was trying to involve them in some kind of scam, lol.
Just like my dad did when a female cousin asked my mum to sign as a witness /or act as executor for her elderly brothers will. Dad asked said cousin to leave documents for their consideration, suspicious of ominous dealings (where clearly none). Then a row ensured when cousin came back too promptly for his liking, too pushy about it been signed fast. So yeah, hackles can be raised about this sort of stuff even within close family, lol. Legal documents can bring out the worst in some people. Not unreasonable to preede with some caution though. And some will say that's the stuff a solicitor should be dealing with, or be done in a solicitors office in a formal way.
I agree with you that your neighbour could have politely declined, rather than childishly hiding in the house, I'd guess pretending not to be at home as a way of avoiding the subject. But hey, some people have poor communication skills, as well as been suspicious generally. It sure will feel a bit uncomfortable now with your neighbours. But I think I would just politely nod, maybe comment on the weather in the English way and move on, rather than ignore them.
FunnyVehicle7664@reddit
Sounds like he's a spy or something.
Lost-in-Limbo@reddit
He probably wasn't sure what he had agreed to but didn't want you to think he was stupid or something silly like that. Don't ignore him, casually brush off the request and just apologise for making him feel uncomfortable (whether you mean it or not) as that should relax him and alleviate any awkwardness!!
imma2lils@reddit
I think you did offend him. I've been brought up to be extremely cautious about signing documents and I would be super uncomfortable with a neighbour I only know from saying good morning/good evening putting me on the spot asking me to be a witness for documents I don't even know what they are regarding.
It creates a feeling of awkwardness because many of us are not good at saying no and it being a complete sentence. We feel as if we need a good enough reason and need to state it. Then it is socially awkward trying to say no and explains why we can't.
The lack of answering the door when you know that person is likely in was a sign that they didn't want to do it. I also default to either agreeing (people pleasing) or avoiding (not answering the door.
Straight-Jacket-3280@reddit
I'm guessing you're not a white western European and he thinks you are involved in nefarious "goings on".
carboncopy404@reddit
Do they rent? My only thought is they’ve never bought a house before so don’t know this is part of the process and was worried it was something sinister
AndrewHinds67@reddit
I would be very wary of signing anything without fully knowing all about what it is I'm signing, especially when someone, either a friend or not wants me to sign. I wouldn't want to be lumbered with someone's debt unexpectedly. That signature may be a name written on a piece of paper, but it could have huge legal ramifications.
Veinmire@reddit
Christ I needed a neighbour to sign some deed polls for me at one point. They did, no issues. Glad I didn't have your neighbours. That would have really messed with my head.
Whatever, what's done is done. Nothing doing.
EUskeptik@reddit
People in Britain tend to protect their privacy. Perhaps your neighbour didn’t want to be bounced into signing a document of which the implications for him were not entirely clear.
Least said, soonest mended.
-##-
hengehanger@reddit
He thinks you're trying to scam him. Find someone else to sign and when you get the chance, explain to your neighbour what it was and apologise for making them uncomfortable. I know you didn't mean to, but it did happen. Hopefully then you can return to a non-frosty acquaintance.
skin_of_your_teeth@reddit
We asked a friend to witness sign for our mortgage. He had no problem doing it, he works for a bank and knew the procedure.
His mum (in her 70s) heard about it and went mad at him, telling him he was being scammed and we were trying to make him somehow liable for our mortgage. Despite my husband having been friends with him for almost 20 years, him explianing to her it was a totally normal thing to do, his mother told him not to do it.
Sounds like the guy OP asked is of a similar mindset.
colin_staples@reddit
I wouldn't sign a random contract handed to me by a neighbour either
Who knows what I'd be accidentally agreeing to?
If you need a witness, pay a solicitor.
NotAnotherThing@reddit
Maybe he js paranoid about signing things and now feels unsafe about what he did.
Our neighbors made the same request of my husband including needing a second signature and it was fine with us.
Maybe drop your neighbor a note explaining what they signed and provide the business contact information if they want to verify? I don't know if that might make them feel better, maybe they are scared they are liable for something rather than just a witness.
markcorrigans_boiler@reddit
He was probably halfway through eating dinner.
alexdbird@reddit
Either they’re an idiot or there’s something else going on for them, but it’s not you.
Donurz@reddit
The average Brit (I am one) is generally paranoid so probably worried that they would be a guarantor or some such. I wouldn’t take it personally.
DeejayPostie@reddit
People often act in ways we don’t understand for reasons we don’t understand… he’s not been aggressive or threatening (maybe he doesn’t know what a witness is and was worried you were trying to scam him when you mentioned his signature something). Just brush over it, keep being polite and positive whenever you see him and crack on with your life… it will only be awkward if you let it be awkward.
StrollingByTheStream@reddit
Some people just get funny about having to sign things. I had an actual friend who I needed to sign something for me (similar thing but it was to do with inheritance) and when I asked him he clearly felt a bit unsure or uncomfortable about doing so. As it’s your neighbour you hardly know outside of a Hi & Bye they probs just thought about it and didn’t wanna get involved as they don’t really know you.
Rico1983@reddit
He probably felt uncomfortable doing it after he'd agreed and would rather have just avoided you than have to say no to you. Either that or he's just rude. I wouldn't lose sleep over it
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