What are your school assembly stories?
Posted by Flowerofthesouth88@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 18 comments
Whether it was primary or secondary school, the assembly stories that happened suddenly or regularly . In the secretary's assembly, it was different from primary because the year groups didn’t perform a play or sing new songs for us to watch every week. Instead, the headmaster told stories about morals and life lessons, which even the teachers found boring. There was also a special guest from transport, who showed us a public information film about a kid playing on the tracks with his friends. Although we didn’t see the kid actually get killed, someone witnessed it, and one kid just screamed and had to go outside. I'm not sure if something was related personality or if it was just too much for him.
First_Folly@reddit
I remember in secondary when either the head or my head of year said in a morning speech "the futures bright" and someone about two thirds of the way back yelled "the future's orange" without missing a beat.
posttraumaticcuntdis@reddit
there was once a huge issue in my school. My school was C of E, so we all had to praise jesus and whatnot.
in one assembly, the muslim kids would not bow their heads and pray, because jesus isn't their god.
They got expelled!
BollockOff@reddit
I remember once there was a seagull standing on the glass windows on the roof pecking the glass. We all found it funny but the teacher doing the assembly got annoyed and told us to ignore it.
jnnewbe@reddit
In my primary assemblies, I would pretend I had a backpack of snacks. I would take the invisible bag off, open it and eat said invisible snacks. I wish I could say I wasn't that weird anymore...
We had an assembly when the head teacher was leaving, we all had to sing her "My Heart Will Go On". After, she said it was lovely, but thought it was weird that we sang a song about dying. I spat my invisible chocolate out so quickly after that statement.
One time, me and a friend were late to assembly after swimming, so we hid in the toilets. It was backed on to the teachers toilet. We heard a teacher go in and use the bathroom, just a wee. But we thought it was hilarious and got caught from laughing. We then had to sit in the front of the assembly in shame and apologise for pee spying.
pickindim_kmet@reddit
Once every so often we had a man called Mr Chicken who had Tourette's come take the assembly. I think he was someone who did the rounds at different schools and taught morals and maybe a bit of religion.
An enclosed space with a man called Mr Chicken who had Tourette's with a couple hundred kids was a recipe for disaster.
oraff_e@reddit
I can’t remember much about any specific individual assembly but there was one teacher, quite literally old-school, who would simply play a cassette tape of the BBC “Together” radio assembly when it was his turn 🤣
Work smarter, not harder.
Boring-Print9058@reddit
I always used to get bollocked for laughing.
My mate Joe at Primary had the most out of key, no sense of rhythm or melody vocal stylings I've ever heard. He used to absolutely crack me up with his tuneless wailings when we had to sing because he always went for it despite his total lack of musical ability. I couldn't sing for laughing and I'd get pulled out of assembly for being disruptive.
Alert_Mine7067@reddit
My secondary school was pretty relaxed throughout my time there, we called teachers by their first name and the atmosphere was quite positive. A bit of context, I'm in Northern Ireland and this was an integrated school where both sides that would have otherwise been segregated, were educated together, along with many others of different backgrounds, all of which were rare over here. The school hadn't been performing as well as the local education authority had liked and a new principal was brought in to turn the school around, akin to Adolf Hitler, and she implemented a lot of unpopular and unreasonable rules, making her a loathed woman.
I had left school by this stage but there was an assembly where she had said "This is not a school for sluts or scruffs" this was verified by students at the time and of course it caused uproar.
My mate was talking to me about it years later and he said "Hold on, does that mean we would have been the sluts and scruffs she was talking about?" Yes probably
Tastetherainbow_2016@reddit
My start to primary school coincided with the headmaster’s mental breakdown. Every assembly consisted of him standing in front of the whole school and bellowing at over 200 people the top of his voice. He was like a terrifying bald-headed purple-faced demon. The littlest kids in the front rows would start crying, the teachers would all be side-eyeing each other like 😬
One day he finished a rant and sat down at the piano to start song time, then suddenly jumped back up and screamed “WHO SAID THAT??! HOWW DAAAARE YOOOOUUU!!!” Nobody had said a fucking word, we were all too scared, it was just the voices in his head. That was his last day, think he went into a mental facility, never saw him again.
I only found out assemblies were supposed to be a bit of happy-clapping to Rivers of Babylon and handing out swimming certificates after he went. Up till then I thought that unhinged shit was normal 😆
Consistent-Pirate-23@reddit
Primary school was various warnings of the dangers of playing “chicken” on the roads, mainly because the kids that lived on the main road played on the spare ground near the school and a few of them got run over.
oohliviaa@reddit
Deputy head was leaving and road into the hall on a motor bike as part of her “work hard, play hard” retirement speech.
tannercolin@reddit
We all just started coughing. A couple of the older lads started it and it just spread. I remember looking around at everyone just smiling and coughing at one another. I also remember the teachers looking at each other with the face of we have lost control
TeamOfPups@reddit
My head teacher ate a daffodil.
I'm not sure why, that's lost to time
ZeroFrogsHere@reddit
I was primary school age when Dick n Dom unleashed bogies onto the nation and it was absolute hell for every teacher at my school during assembly
mightytonto@reddit
The one time a psycho kid unscrewed a pencil sharpener and sliced the kid next to him up pretty bad. We were only 6.
The other memorable time was when shadow from the gladiators was caught with drugs; our head teacher was obsessed with him and crying while explaining why drugs are bad
hdhxuxufxufufiffif@reddit
The deputy head at my infant school used to tell us stories about his time as a police officer in pre-independence British colonies in Africa. I have vague memories of one story about being the first on the scene at a plane crash where lots of important people died.
A couple of decades later I was reading something and it twigged that he was probably talking about the death/likely assassination of Dag Hammarskjöld.
moderatefairgood@reddit
My mum didn’t turn up to watch my Year 2 assembly.
I had to cry my way through my lines. The fact I remember that vividly three and a half decades later is somewhat disturbing.
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