Moving back to the states?
Posted by Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 27 comments
Had the opportunity to move abroad with my family, partly because I’ve been dependent on them and completely disabled. I have had some improvement and I’m hoping/ working on at least being well enough to live independently but that likely won’t transfer for a visa to stay where I am. Though, I haven’t talked to an immigration lawyer.
In a perfect world I could stay where I am, start rehabbing back into the world though part time education or work and live alone. But there are no guarantee my health can sustain. And everything would be an uphill battle. Could be worth it though.
I don’t want to live far from my support system but I also have an elderly parent back home and also- just might not be able to have the life I want in the country I’m in. As I’ve said, everything would be an uphill battle.
But I’m torn- I’m part of a few demographics that are a bit at risk in the states and I won’t lie and say the political environment doesn’t cause concern (of course, we are in an interconnected world and everywhere is facing similar but different issues…)
In any I’m feeling really torn about how I should go about things. I mostly just wanted to know if there’s anyone out there that is living in the states or has moved back and what is the temperature of things? If I move I really don’t know that I’d have any opportunities to leave again. But I am also feeling very homesick and a bit stuck with my options. Any words of wisdom or advice/ perspective would be great. Thank you!
MostMediumSuspected@reddit
This is all going to be relative to your specific situation.
Where you’d be living, what you’d do for work, your income level, your healthcare needs, your support system, what you’d expect for your future, where you are now and how that compares.
I’ve lived abroad and experienced severe homesickness as well, to the point of desperation. I came back and regretted the move less than 2 months later.
Not saying this is the case for everyone, but just be aware the reverse culture shock is real.
I suggest going back to the US for a long stay, and basically doing a mock relocation to see how it feels, if possible.
Just to be less emotional and more logical about it.
HVP2019@reddit
My neighbor on one side and I are immigrants from Europe. My neighbor on another side are immigrants from Taiwan. We prefer US over our home countries. We would be very upset if we were forced to leave.
If you know you can’t stay in your host country what are your other options?
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
Thank you for this. I love the US, really I do. Even with its flaws. I think it’s worth fighting for.
I could probably find a pathway to stay, if I fought for it. I’m meeting with an immigration lawyer. So I guess I just am trying to determine how serious things are back home and if it would be worth to pretty much put everything I have into finding a means to stay where I am. I think it would be possible but the path of least resistance is going back home. I just am trying to determine if that’s safe, for me personally.
HVP2019@reddit
You moved abroad with your family. What did they planned for you when they contemplated immigration? How long have you been abroad?
If you were a child when you left, then US may not be your home anymore even if you feel you miss it. I moved abroad in my mid twenties and even for me after certain time my country of origin stopped feeling like home.
US has become my home and I will fight to stay here if I need to.
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
It’s a long story. I’m an adult. I was very very sick and couldn’t possibly have lived alone when we left. But my folks knew they wanted to move where we are forever, as it’s where my mom’s husband is from. It’s been a year. I’ve improved but still not in perfect health. My intention was to move here and hopefully get healthy and then either go back to school/ work where I am or move back home. And thank god that is where I’m at in my juncture.
Because I got so sick, I thought I didn’t have anything left for me back home. I lost my friendships, my relationships, sense of future…everything. It made it easy to leave. As I’ve gotten bettter, there are things I realize are available to me again I never thought. And at the same time, the political and global circumstances do scare me. It’s a long story? I’ve already overshared enough. I apologize. Thanks for your thoughts!
moseley101@reddit
Have you considered the potential healthcare costs you might be facing should you return. I don’t know your current location, but it’s a safe bet they have a more socialised form of healthcare than the states
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
They do but ironically my access to care is worse:/ finding a GP where I am is VERY challenging. There just aren’t enough. there are pros and cons. With my specific health stuff I’m seeing or would have to see a private doctor regardless. I wish that wasn’t the case but it is. And the people who know the most about my particular illness are in the states. It’s all horrible and much too expensive either way you slice it. BUT if I had a medical emergency and had to be hospitalized, the cost would be night and day. That is something I consider often.
HVP2019@reddit
I feel that staying abroad with your family is more practical and prudent decision.
Returning back can be very stressful and unpleasant experience for many immigrants no matter what country people returning to : US, Brazil, UK or Poland
I recommend reading on “reverse culture shock”.
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
Thank you, that’s helpful. I will do some reading of other people’s experiences with that x
Gunzhard22@reddit
The only people saying it's "fine" here in the US are entitled white folks and MAGA, and the Russian bots. Which oddly make up a LOT of this sub.
Home foreclosures are spiking, the amount people living off of credit and personal loans is the highest in history, we are bleeding all our talent to other countries; not too mention all the obvious horrible shit.
Ordinary-Surround-73@reddit
We live in deep-south "MAGA"-land these days, and they are perhaps the #1 group I would list as specifically very UNhappy with the U.S. -- to the point that they feel it can only be saved by tearing down and restructuring to their specifications. Using a single wrong word will identify a person as an enemy and target for hostility and rejection.
They're not the only thing I don't recognize in this description of the U.S., but they are #1 to avoid when deciding where to live. My biggest advice by far is just to find normal people to associate with by staying away from places they cluster. Unfortunately, those are almost all the more affordable regions and towns. The bluer the better in this respect.
But they act out far, far less in even just mixed populations (where hard-right isn't a majority), to the point that their anxiety and antipathy may be only something read about.
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
Thank you for sharing and that makes so much sense and it is so ironic, isn’t it. I feel really sad for them because there is so much that is beautiful and amazing about the US. It’s sad so many can’t see it and truly dislike their country so much.
I don’t know if I could afford to live where I was in California but likely that’s where I’d start. If not certainly another blue or purple state. Thanks for the insight on all this, appreciate it.
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
When I was home I felt incredibly vulnerable. I couldn’t walk nor function and any “community” I had flew the coop when I go sick (as happens). I think if I still couldn’t walk, I would not contemplate going home. But as I’ve improved to being a bit more functional it’s tempting. But still, I guess I fluctuate being in denial and thinking everyone is a bit out of reality and that we have to stay and fight to change things and the also being v scared and concerned. Thanks for your perspective. I know things absolutely aren’t fine for a lot of people.
sofyab@reddit
I think many people are fine. But this sub is just extremely negative so you won’t hear anything positive here.
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
I just don’t know how else to get grounded and realistic picture of how things are. I guess the issue is I don’t have (nor anyone) a crystal ball that can predict the future. I wish I did. But you can’t really live your life like that. I’m trying to balance being “smart” and also making choices that will make me happiest/ going with my gut at the end of the day. All of that is subjective anyway.
ScorpioSpork@reddit
Which state would you be moving to? I think whether things are "alright" heavily depends on where in the US you're talking about, your personal values and priorities, and your demographics.
I'm a trans person in deeply MAGA country. I'm here temporarily because cost of living is mid/low, and I found an employer who would pay for my college tuition. My experience would be different in a blue state, and I'd have gone that route if I could afford it. Ultimately, I'll be leaving the US once my citizenship by decent processes (both sides of my family are immigrants, and with some practice, I could pass for a native Spanish speaker).
I'd recommend figuring out your needs and choosing a state based on those needs. How highly do you value things like healthcare, education, public infrastructure, etc.? Do your values align with what that state has invested in? If you're not white or religious, are you moving to an international area? Just some examples of things to think on.
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
Thank you, this is really helpful food for thought. I’m working through alll this right now. I’m also queer and trans (but I don’t necessarily present as such, so I know I have a bit more safety than some. But I have concerns about the future, of course).
Things feel very heavy and scary. I would move back to a blue state, definitely. Likely California (where I’m from) if I could afford it.
Anyway, I’m really happy for you that you have the chance to leave. I am sorry it’s gotten to this point. But safety is so important. Wishing you all the best, friend<3
ScorpioSpork@reddit
Just a heads up, if you've had a name or gender marker change, you might have trouble getting your IDs reissued when they expire, especially if you're NB. Texas was also trying to attach a $10,000 fine to mismatched IDs for "gender fraud" not long ago, and that sentiment is spreading in some areas. I'm sure California will resist that kind of thing, though!
Stay safe. :)
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
Yes it is truly bad and scary and I have no doubt these sentiments are spreading. Ironically, too it’s an issue of health care. California for the time being has way more resources than where I am. But…well, you know the royal but of then being back in the states. The sentiment is definitely spreading. I don’t feel it’s all doom and gloom but these are things to seriously consider. Thanks so much, though. You too.
Failed_Expat@reddit
I've been living in Spain for two years. I'm visiting family in the US this week. The political noise is oppressive especially when your family watches US news channels all day. Prices are high. Public transit is nonexistent. Everything is too spreadout. I have to be more aware of my personal safety.
I'm not saying life abroad is perfect. It definitely is not. But, I'm realizing that the reverse culture shock of coming "home" is a thing. I can’t tell you what you should do. But if you do return just be aware that returning will have its own challenges.
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
Yes, every place has its challenges. I think we end up trading some for others when living abroad. I really love where I am. If my life weren’t as complicated in certain respects, I wouldn’t want to leave. I am kind of dreading the reverse culture shock when I go back and visit. It’s good to check ourselves because it’s always easy to see the grass as greener. I definitely hear what you mean.
Academic-Balance6999@reddit
We moved back to the US after 6 years in Switzerland, for context to Northern California. It is MUCH WORSE when viewed from abroad, through the lens of the media. When you’re here it’s pretty much just people living their lives— kids going to school, Trader Joe’s runs, lines at the bakery, etc. Now of course if I’d moved back to Minneapolis, I might feel differently. But my town has a pretty big non-white population (mostly Asian and Hispanic) and everyone seems to be doing just fine, no ICE raids etc. So I would say that while politics are terrible at the macro level, and unemployment and prices are up, at the micro level things are actually ok for most people.
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
Yeah, when I ground myself in the present reality this is what I had heard. I’m also from Northern California and would probably move back there initially to go back to school. I still have this sense that I was able to get out, when a lot of people wish they could, so I need to take advantage of it. Especially given I probably won’t have a pathway to leave again. I’m really relieved to hear things have been ok for the most part- better than it sounds. The news reaches me but honestly the news where I am is pretty broad and less extreme than how I’ve heard they actually are for a lot of people. But it really depends on the state you’re in and your particular situation.
Thanks for your thoughts. I do love the US and especially love the people there. It’s worth fighting for and working towards better, i will say.
Academic-Balance6999@reddit
“Worth fighting for and working towards better”— hear hear!
FWIW if we could’ve gotten citizenship in CH in a reasonable amount of time we would have done that, but we were looking at a minimum of 5 more years and it wasn’t to be.
HeatOnly1093@reddit
This depends a lot on you and your beliefs. I’m disabled in the wheelchair full time and leaving the US permanently at the end of the year. I don’t know you or anything about you to be able to give you advice about this.
Tiny-Conclusion560@reddit (OP)
I hear you, I certainly am not necessarily asking if should stay or go. Though I could see how it would sound like that. I more so am just curious how people back home are feeling to give some perspective. It’s easy to see things with rose colored glasses when you’re away. I’m really happy for you that you’ve found a pathway out. And wish you the best on your adventure!
No-Caregiver8049@reddit
I have no idea how moving back would work out for you, because i don't know you. "The states" are fine.