Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
Posted by No-Republic-4349@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 110 comments
I went to high school during the Clinton years (c/o 1996), where the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy prohibited the military from asking about your sexual orientation. My house's landline phone was practically ringing off the hook my junior and senior year as representatives from seemingly all military branches would call and try to recruit me. When I brought this up with classmates, they told me, "just say you're gay and they'll stop calling."
The next time they called, I did this, and sure enough, the calls stopped coming. Did anyone else experience this?
What a time to have been alive, to weaponize the government's homophobia to our advantage.
ExpressReveal2480@reddit
I'm similar age, I don't know why anyone here would have been worried about them calling.
It was a volunteer force at that point, no draft, so all you had to do was say "No Thanks".
I was flattered around 2 years ago when some Navy recruiter started chatting me up in a record store of all places. I'm in good shape, the guy somehow couldn't tell I was pretty much too old to join up even if I wanted to.
aweedl@reddit
I think (at least for those of us who aren’t from the U.S.) the idea of a military recruiter bothering a teenager like some kind of telemarketer is utterly bizarre.
MagnumPIsMoustache@reddit
Where are you from? Europe is about to ramp up their tiny militaries. You might start seeing recruitment ads etc.
ExpressReveal2480@reddit
Yep, every time the Orange guy gets mad and pulls more troops from the EU the more likely it is the EU will have to start recruiting its own troops.
freddbare@reddit
Navy... That was a "toe tap" situation....big it was in a bathroom stall you would have picked up on it..
ExpressReveal2480@reddit
Everyone here is so anti-military, to claim something like that says more about you than him.
No-Republic-4349@reddit (OP)
It wasn't a worry so much as a constant annoyance. They did not take "no thanks" for an answer.
Cisru711@reddit
I just told them that my dad was in the army and my mom told me that she would kill me if I ever tried to join, so no thanks.
Dreeleaan@reddit
Yup did this too. Graduated in 95. They would call early in the morning. I told them multiple times I wasn’t interested. They would still call a day or two later. Finally I told them I wasn’t interested gay and I never got a call again.
I also had a friend that graduated a year after me and they kept calling him too. He told the last one to call that it sounded great but he had to check with his boyfriend first to make sure he was ok with it too. Last recruiting call he got as well.
rearwindowpup@reddit
joshhupp@reddit
It cracks me up that Boomers are so afraid of drag performers yet they watched Corporal Klinger week after week and had no problem then.
Workamania@reddit
He didn't wear make-up.
VaselineHabits@reddit
... but the current President does
freddbare@reddit
General comprehension of reality was better too apparently. I was stuck on specificly reading comprehension but... Nope . All hope is lost on the youth
rearwindowpup@reddit
Weird, posted a link and Reddit auto removed it, but here's the picture speaking of their parents
rearwindowpup@reddit
[ Removed by Reddit ]
MistressErinPaid@reddit
Most drag performers are gay but Klinger wasn't. It was a ploy to get his Section 8.
state_your_name31415@reddit
This reminds me of how I never knew the premise of Three's Company until it came up once when I was in my thirties. I always wondered why Jack would do weird shit around the landlords (not gay stuff, just weird), like what the hell is up with this guy, calm down.
No-Republic-4349@reddit (OP)
A xennial trailblazer!
Money_Magnet24@reddit
I’ll give you my experience, coincidentally this was 1996.
Just to clarify, I am not a homosexual, and I grew up in Los Angeles, CA. Been here since 1979.
Anyways, September 1996, I’m 21 years, I’m stuck between a rock and hard place. I love my girlfriend but I have to leave her because I have to enlist in the Army. Why have to ? Because life at home is witnessing my violent alcoholic father physically, mentally and emotionally abuse my mom, sister and me.
Long story short I find myself at the MEPS ( Military Entrance Processing Station) on September 17, 1996.
I passed the ASVAB, physical tests…etc etc etc
Here comes the contract to sign, I decide on MOS to 73C which is Finance Specialist.
Back to the contract, there is a line drawn in black ink, a poor attempt on a redaction but you can see the words “are you a homosexual” (something like that)
I look at it and I was like, ok…the recruiter says “don’t worry about that, just keep signing the next page”
So, they didn’t even update their contracts to reflect the new policy, they just drew a line.
I think I still have the contract and if I can find it, I’ll post a picture of it here.
Scissorsguadalupe@reddit
I think the Simpsons made a joke about not updating the military contract in the mid 90s haha
Money_Magnet24@reddit
I had to google that and I think I found it, it’s Season 18 episode 5 .
I haven’t seen this one, I don’t really watch The Simpsons, but now I want to watch it. lol. 😂
topilefi@reddit
The Simpsons tide - season 9 episode 19
Money_Magnet24@reddit
Thank You !
unreliable_ibex@reddit
I am not listening la la la la
my_buddy_is_a_dog@reddit
That was pretty normal back then, and still is, as printing new forms costs money. The DoD and military was shrinking back then due to the collapse of the soviet union.
I joined in '98 but I am pretty sure that they had updated the form by then.
Late_Organization_56@reddit
I was going to say, it’s less of a problem now that you’re doing things on a pad, but in the 90s those forms were printed centrally and dispersed to stations. While individually inexpensive, in government quantities you were talking millions of dollars worth of forms. It was far cheaper to use them until they were exhausted and just cross out the line than throw away otherwise good forms
pawogub@reddit
Yep. Told him I don’t think my boyfriend would want to be apart from me so long.
MagnumPIsMoustache@reddit
When I filled out enlistment papers in ‘93 they still asked 1.) are you homosexual? 2.) do you plan on becoming homosexual?
gaymersrock@reddit
I had the same experience, but I actually was gay. LoL. First person I came out to was a recruiter over the phone, just so they'd leave me alone. I distinctly remember my response was, "I'm 100 lbs overweight & gay as the day is long, please stop calling me." I graduated in 2001, so literally months before 9/11, so I really feel like I dodged a bullet.
ManateeNipples@reddit
Your username is hilarious lol
And I also dodged the 911 bullet by a hair, the summer of 2001 I had been laid off from my factory job and was at the army recruiters office considering an easy way to get free college 😅
gaymersrock@reddit
Idk how my username can compete with ManateeNipples. . . It almost feels like a current day personal jab. 🤣
freddbare@reddit
I saw "gamer sock" and eewwe
gaymersrock@reddit
If we're following stereotypes then you'd think the socks may be the cleanest bit of 'the gamer'. . . Like they're not walking, running, or really going anywhere, so unless they're male & there's a shortage of kleenex, the socks shouldn't be too bad. 🤔 🤣
Chawp@reddit
Also guessing you haven’t heard the term “poopsocking” before for gaming lol
gaymersrock@reddit
Hahaha thankfully no I hadn't until now. Gamers & bathrooms just makes me think of the classic South Park ep about WoW
stealthyliz@reddit
Same here. Looking back I'm glad the recruiting process took awhile in Canada (6+ months) because by the time I was offered enlistment I found another job instead.
freddbare@reddit
Wouldn't that be actually enlisting??? You didn't dodge shit..well you dodged the chance to dodge bullets for pay..
gaymersrock@reddit
? I admit I don't understand your response? Recruiters called, I said 'no thanks, I as a dude like dick too much for your current recruitment guidelines', & then was grateful I didn't get roped into the service a few months later when the war started.
All respect to those who did serve, never understood the hate for enlisted people, hate the government who sent them. Unless you mean to say I was 'enlisted by the gay agenda', in which case you're just a bigot & I shouldn't bother responding to you.
jveck718@reddit
I was in the recruiting office and wanted to give it another thought. Ultimately decided against that. This was 1999.
braywarshawsky@reddit
I graduated in '99, and did the college route for a bit... but I felt I needed something "more" plus my roomie was hardcore ROTC for the Air Force on campus and was influencing the F out of me (turns out he was just an asshole who wanted the space in the dorm room). I figured I'd enlist in the Marines. Got the process started, called my parents to let them know... my Dad said, "Son, you should take the weekend. Sleep on it, and decide on Monday." I took his advice... slept on it. Then changed my mind and stayed in college. My dorm roomie was still gungho...
Otherwise, I would have been in that GWOT.
Hat's off to those who served. It wasn't for me.
Unhappy-Fox1017@reddit
I served during don’t as don’t tell, and I’m a gay person. Now THAT was a weird time.
Deathclown333@reddit
I got bombarded around that time as well, also just after taking the ASVAB and scoring high. I have asthma, and as soon as I mentioned it they didn’t want anything more to do with me. I didn’t need to tell them I was queer.
jcstrat@reddit
Other end of the coin; I remember when our unit commander sat us all down to brief us that don’t ask don’t tell was officially rescinded. We already knew who in the unit was gay, because they didn’t hide it. We were all like, okay, and went on about our day. Nothing really changed because we never cared about anyone’s sexual orientation anyway.
nounthennumbers@reddit
I wasn’t in when it was rescinded but I definitely served with some people that I would say existed under Didn’t Ask Don’t Care. I remember a guy saying something about one of the female E7 reservists drilling with us having a wife and I told him “No one give an eff don’t ever bring it up again unless you want to have a bad time”.
TraditionalTackle1@reddit
No but I had a friend who used to get out of Jury Duty by talking about how corrupt he thought the judicial system was lol.
bjgrem01@reddit
All it has ever taken for me to get out of Jury duty is to say I'm in IT.
sassypants450@reddit
Is that why I don’t ever get chosen?! They always ask my occupation (I’m a unix systems engineer)
CarpinThemDiems@reddit
Wait, how does that work?
FenPhen@reddit
It depends. IT people and software engineers are stereotypically not an ideal juror for either the defense nor the prosecution, and it depends on the case.
Both sides will want to use emotion, the prosecution emphasizing the innocence and suffering of the victims, the defense emphasizing the unfair circumstances and mindset of the defendant.
The prosecution wants people that uphold rules and institutions but they don't want independent thinkers and those that could poke holes in logic or evidence gaps, or those that spot holes in institutions. The defense wants the opposite.
If hard technical evidence is on the prosecution's side, they could object less to IT/software people. If there's a lack of hard technical evidence on the prosecution's side, the defense could object less to IT/software people.
bjgrem01@reddit
Apparently defense attorneys don't want analytical people on juries.
TraditionalTackle1@reddit
Damn I work in IT and Ive done it once, Ive been called 3 times for it.
Alexandratta@reddit
That's an easy way to get out of jury duty.
I did jury duty because I wanted to be on a jury onec... and of course I got placed into the Aux Jury.
So I got to see all the evidence, but couldn't speak/ask questions... biggest thing I wanted to know was how ankle bracelet connect to wifi routers when they're blocked and how far they reach... but nope - no one on the jury wanted to know that, and the expert witness was bad at explaining it.
I'm sitting there as a Network Analyst watching cops, largely, fuck up this investigation so hard that the defense attorney basically ate each officer's testimony for lunch.
Like, to the point where one officer stated he took possession of a phone found at the scene... and never submitted it into evidence. I've never see a DA stare actual daggers at an officer before, but he should be counting his lucky stars he was retired because I think he'd have been fired otherwise.
FinalF137@reddit
Wearing your Starfleet uniform is also a good way to get dismissed too.
imbeingsirius@reddit
freddbare@reddit
Only the red shirts....
TraditionalTackle1@reddit
lmao
Admirable-Eagle-231@reddit
Just say the words ‘jury nullification’
artaxerxes316@reddit
Superory_16@reddit
Bringing up jury nullification is another great way.
coyote_of_the_month@reddit
That could be seen as an attempt to taint the jury pool. It wouldn't shock me if some judge, somewhere, held a prospective juror in contempt over it.
DismalIngenuity4604@reddit
Amazing turntabling.
Bang_Shatter_170103@reddit
I was in ROTC at my university during that time, and really thought I was straight as a ruler. Spring 1997 we had an assignment to give a 10 minute talk about something controversial in national current events and I absolutely roasted the DADT policy. I gave really solid points about how the policy negatively impacted mission readiness and was exceedingly costly to enforce.
Surprisingly enough I got a decent grade for it. The only negative feedback I got was my tangent about "wouldn't that money be better spent sending million dollar Tomahawks to destroy $15 tents in Sudan" because it was off topic.
Which, fair point.
McFly1986@reddit
I just told them I am short, have asthma, and scoliosis and they stopped calling.
aweedl@reddit
The fact that military recruiters were cold-calling a teenager at home has to be the most American thing I’ve ever heard.
I absolutely cannot fathom that being a normal thing.
halflife-crisis@reddit
Yep. I absolutely implied that I was a lesbian so they would stop calling.
Jr5309@reddit
Unfortunately, that still might work under the current admin 😶
DarthBster@reddit
Just tell them he's trans. That's what they're scared of these days.
freddbare@reddit
Not a "fear" just more trouble than value... Nobody wants to arm a delusional dysphorac. Two seconds of actual thought on this one.. spend tens of thousands to train someone who has low grasp on reality to the point of self mutilation...lol. pass.
imbeingsirius@reddit
You forgot the “/s”
Far-Bumblebee-7216@reddit
Oh look…we found the delusional bigot. Bro, just let people live in peace and mind your own fucking business.
ranaldo20@reddit
Gtf outta here with your phobic bullshit.
Mail_Order_Lutefisk@reddit
The military is at least 10% gay at this point. It ain’t gonna work.
scrotanimus@reddit
Pretty soon our missiles are going to wobble like Lamar’s javelin. Maybe if we can extend homophobia to missiles, we can stop blowing other places up.
state_your_name31415@reddit
how about something that works on robo-calls and robo-texts
HRHDechessNapsaLot@reddit
I also did this. The recruiter was a newly-graduated alum of my school, so by the next week, everyone had heard I was a lesbian. It successfully kept my phone from ringing for the next year, cause after that no one called me!
draculasbloodtype@reddit
I graduated in 98 and for a couple of weeks had a recruiter calling me incessantly. My family is a military family, but I knew I wasn't cut out for it so I would always politely decline, but the guy was fucking PUSHY. I would say No, it's not for me, and he would constantly push me to justify why. I was trying to be respectful but I should have just hung up the damn phone.
CalliopePenelope@reddit
No. I was female and not yet voting age, so the government didn’t care that I existed.
armchair_viking@reddit
I’m not sure that they care now, either
Far-Bumblebee-7216@reddit
They care in that they really want to control our every move.
freddbare@reddit
They have little need of sad sammiches
Not_a_werecat@reddit
They do care. Women exist and they take that personally.
CrazySporkDude@reddit
Here’s the interesting thing. I was a commissioned officer during DADT, and led many troops that were gay during my time. I knew they were gay. They knew I knew they were gay. We were all cool with it, and I made sure to protect them. It was the best we could do at the time. I was still commissioned when it was repealed, but most folks still couldn’t come out because the environment was still toxic and discriminatory. It got better after I was out, so it kills me seeing everything regressing now.
Due-Explanation-7560@reddit
I joined in 2000 and it was still the same policy. It was harder to get out using this once in but it definitely still happened if their was evidence.
RaccoonObjective5674@reddit
From what I’ve heard from former military friends is that there was still plenty of asking going on during this policy.
Procrasturbating@reddit
I remember seeing my recruiter show me a list of all my classmates with notes on them. “Gay” was next to many of them in huge capital letters. Was part of the reason I changed my mind about joining. The recruiter was giving off backwoods vibes. Went white in the face after he saw my ASVAB score though. That was pretty funny.
Santos_L_Halper_II@reddit
I don't recall ever getting calls from the military at all.
rinky79@reddit
I told them I didn't want to kill people. That worked.
myka-likes-it@reddit
I didn't know this hack, but I was also a closeted queer kid trying to escape poverty so I joined up.
The quarterly training on DADT in the military was wild. They separated the policy into three categories: Statements, Acts, and Marriages. The gist is, it is OK to think gay thoughts and be gay, but you were prohibited from making gay statements, performing gay acts, or getting gay married. Not that the last was legally possible, but just in case they prohibited it anyway.
Let's just say it led to a lot of additional pressure not to "seem gay" by amplifying homophobia. All in all, a terrible policy.
Combatical@reddit
I joined the army in 2003, I specifically remember a recruit not wanting to complete bootcamp. He kept saying he was gay and wouldnt participate so he could get out of there.. I remember the DS not only telling him they didnt care but not letting him leave and making him be at the end of everything we completed so he had to watch us finish. Was kinda fucked up honestly but he ended up staying in and completing the next cycle from what I heard.
wookiesack22@reddit
Graduated in 2002. We sarcastically acted so gay in high-school. I knew a kid who would literally pull his balls out at school. We would casually grab nipples, or poke a butthole through pants. Or a light sack tap. No one nowadays can understand how inappropriate we were.
ericthepilot2000@reddit
Homer's classic advice: "I'm not gay, but I'll learn."
Thamnophis660@reddit
I just ghosted them for years until they stopped calling. The War on Terror started right after I graduated High school, so you can predict they called a lot.
Mail_Order_Lutefisk@reddit
My buddy joined the Marines and his recruiter took him and a group of friends including me out to celebrate. That instantly turned into a pitch, of course. My buddy started talking about his pride of being Filipino and the recruiter immediately turned on the “no, you’re a Marine now…” to wit I said “anyone with a knowledge of history of the Marines’ actions in the Philippines knows why you have to be stripped of any identification with the Philippines just in case you are ordered to do it again.”
I thought that guy was gonna rip my head off and crap down my throat. I was genuinely terrified. But he took me off the list and I got no more calls and I didn’t even have to pretend to be gay.
tagehring@reddit
I was in Army ROTC freshman year of college (2000-2001) with plans to do a 4-year scholarship and stint in the Army after graduation. In April, I was informed that it wouldn't be advisable for me to sign the scholarship paperwork because they knew I'd be committing perjury if I did (apparently I was seen with an ex-boyfriend and word got out). So I had to come out to my dad that summer by way of explaining why I had to pay for college. A few months later, some very bad men flew some planes into some buildings and I dodged a bullet.
Thenadamgoes@reddit
I would just wast their time by asking 500 questions and eventually they’d get annoyed and stop calling.
DethByCow@reddit
No because I was silly and joined the military.
Feral_Sheep_@reddit
I joined the Army in 98. Two guys who just wanted to get out during basic training got themselves caught committing a "homosexual act". I heard it involved one dude jacking off on the other one's chest.
I still remember the 1st Sergeant coming down during Homosexuals morning and yelling, "Where my two homosexuals at!?" and those two went running off to be discharged.
joshhupp@reddit
Not gay, but I had a spontaneous pneumothorax (collapsed lung) and the day after I went home I got a call and they asked to take me out to lunch to discuss my future in the military. I told them I was recuperating from my surgery and when I told them the details they never called back. I guess if you're not a perfect specimen they don't want you either.
throwaway04182023@reddit
A friend did something pretty close. The recruiters kept calling and calling. Finally they took a call and the recruiter wanted to know what his plans were so he spoke at length about his love of dance and how even more than dance he loved costume design. For some reason the recruiter wanted to get off the phone and he never got another call.
gimlet_prize@reddit
I joined up during that era and we called admitting to being gay to get out as “using your rainbow card.”
foxed-and-dogeared@reddit
I took the ASVAB because it was being administered next to my Latin class one morning and I really didn’t feel like Latining that day. They would not stop calling me after. Wish I’d known this trick!
Dry-Astronaut-8640@reddit
No, but I joined the army in 1997 when I was a junior and I went to basic training the summer between my junior and senior years of high school. My senior year, even though I had already enlisted in the army and gone to basic training, I still got countless calls from various recruiters.
It didn’t help that I signed up for all of the free socks, pens, and other crap they were giving away by mail when you filled in one of those cards they mailed out constantly.
One of the recruiters called me up and told me to knock it off…
DogAnusJesus@reddit
Lol. What up, fellow split op? I did the same thing a year later. Spent the summer in Fort Leonard Wood. I thought it was so cool that while all my classmates were working at McDonald's I was throwing grenades. The joke was on me after 9/11 though.
zoominzacks@reddit
Never got a call, but also never stopped at the recruiters desk when they would show up to my school.
Them sending back someone from the school that had enlisted to try and recruit just gave me the ick
likesblackcoffeebest@reddit
No I didn't experience that, but I did experience being a lesbian who served in the Army under that policy.
dox1842@reddit
How was your experience? I served with members who were openly gay and nobody messed with them
smooshie-mooshie@reddit
My youngest son is currently in the Army. His 4 year contract is up soon and I STILL get calls from Army and Navy recruiters for him 🙄
Scrapla1@reddit
I don't remember getting any calls by recruiters but I do remember them coming to our school. The only experience I have with "Don't ask, Don't tell" was in tv shows and movies in that era.
edasto42@reddit
I’m a year older than you, but I never got any calls from military for recruitment. The closest was a text message in my 30’s from a recruiter to which I replied ‘I don’t know where you got my info from, but lose my phone number.’ Never heard from them again.