How different is your life compared to what you want it to realistically look like?
Posted by VarangianWRLD@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 69 comments
In a position where I am starting to be asked what I'd like my life to look like in the next 30 years.
Go to answer has almost always been an autopilot response of happily married in the suburbs of a major city with good access to culture as well as nature.
2 children where my wife and I have a balance of earning enough to never have to say no (within reason) and having the time to spend with them and eachother.
Sporting hobbies I can engage with weekly, going abroad twice a year, and a big group of friends we see from time to to time to do stuff with.
I suppose I have never thought hard enough about why I want this or what I'd need to do away from my career to avhieve this.
To those with a little life experience, has your life planned out in the way you would have like it to?
Brief-Ship-5572@reddit
I am a failure
Shauntattoo3@reddit
Dead end job , no skills or qualifications, 25k debt , back at home with mother at 35 , no Mrs , no kids , no social circle so maybe get out once a month/2month , awaiting open heart surgery .
Wasn’t what i planned but fuk plans man they always go to shit anyway 🤣 this ain’t no pity party either I wrote that out to see how bad it looked and fuk me it’s morbid 😆 but im actually content especially when a chicks sat on my face
TheNecroFrog@reddit
Makes sense
VarangianWRLD@reddit (OP)
This guy fucks
Shauntattoo3@reddit
Considering the circumstances I mentioned I actually do ok , and some folk may say it’s a shallow meaningless existence but man I just love me some puss . Respect brother 🤙🏼
VarangianWRLD@reddit (OP)
Sexy recognises sexy playa - just leave some for the rest of us eh
bored_toronto@reddit
I never had or built any expectations, I've been half-arsing this for 50-plus years.
Jg0jg0@reddit
Depends on a lot of factors. My life is vastly different than i ever wanted it to be through none of my own control. I'd just love for my health to remain as is, stop getting worse and worse despite bein 29.
Illness at a young age has stripped a lot from me, and children are one of the many things i don't ever see in my future. When I was 19, I never would have imagined my 20s to be this hard. So who knows what 30s have in store for me. Hopefully some stability with my health and continuing to maintain my career.
Certain-End-7309@reddit
I hope you get what you want. I'm sending hugs your way.
EyeAware3519@reddit
I have fewer hoverboards than I was hoping but other than that it's pretty much what I hoped for.
Madog-Hellgeese@reddit
Im very content, I lost my savings over COVID so I'll have to work longer than I had planned too but cest la vie
BarefootJenna@reddit
My life hasn't worked out the way I planned and if you told me what was going to happen, I probably would not have made the one decision that led to this...but it's not a bad life and it's made me a better person!
I have a home, a husband I trust, two lovely kids and no debt (except the house) and I live in a beautiful place. I still feel like there's something missing as I had to give up on the work I loved, but I'm trying towards something else and, if it works out, I'll really feel like I'm helping people. And having a life where you feel like you have purpose, but it doesn't burn you out, sounds like everything I didn't know I wanted 20 years ago.
sgst@reddit
I'm just a lot poorer than I'd like to be. I didn't expect to be diagnosed with a series of chronic illnesses, including autoimmune disease, and I didn't expect that I'd end up only being able to work part time (3 days a week).
I always imagined life as being financially comfortable, able to afford a couple of holidays abroad each year, not having to pinch pennies and being able to not have to worry about money. My parents were in a huge amount of debt when I was growing up, so worrying about money is something that causes me a lot of stress, and psychologically really gets to me. My mental health isn't great along with my physical health. And of course household income is too high to qualify for any support, and I can function independently so no disability support either. Feel very much part of the "squeezed middle". The cost of living crisis the last few years has taken us from managing to barely getting by.
That said, I have a lovely wife and we have a happy, healthy toddler. I see my friends weekly and get an extra day a week with my boy thanks to being part time, which I'm making the most of before he goes to school.
But no, life is not really like I pictured because being paycheque to paycheque and physically & mentally unwell was not what I had planned.
lavayuki@reddit
It would be similar to now, maybe just richer with a nicer car. But I’m satisfied with my life and what I have achieved so far. Nothing in particular that I would change.
My life has turned out very different from what I wanted it to be when I was younger, but am content with the result regardless
random_username_96@reddit
I turn 30 in a month, so been thinking about this a lot. I gotta ask out of curiosity, who is asking you about the next 30 years???
I anticipated spending my 20s working outdoor based jobs that would take me to interesting places and help me gain traction in my career. Didn't expect to own a house so young, wanted to date (or maybe in a relationship) and travel. Spend time with friends, in nature, and indulging my hobbies. I've always known I don't want kids, and marriage I am undecided on.
Instead we went into lockdown immediately after I graduated, I got too stuck/comfortable with the first company I found work with, and have been with the same guy I met at 21. No travelling, and a chronic illness to boot which robbed me of my mid-to-late-20s.
Financially I am in a much better position than I ever anticipated (not wealthy, but not nearly as close to the breadline unlike many of my peers), but I'm not sure you can put a price on good health (and if you can, it's certainly more than my current ISA balance!). I have only just started to rediscover who I am as a person in the last few months. I seriously regret not travelling and taking a risk on job-hopping when I was young and healthy. And despite loving my partner, I do regret not dating around and finding out who is perhaps more or less of a good fit for me.
So life isn't drastically different, but different enough that I have a lot of what-ifs and a few regrets. The wonderful news is that I'm only turning 30, and have many decades more to gain the courage to change things! One thing being unwell has absolutely taught me: you never know what life is going to throw at you, so better to regret doing than not doing.
apeliott@reddit
I stumbled through life and never really had a coherent plan.
I ended up living overseas, married, kids, bought a home, financially stable, like my job, holidays to the UK every year. I'm happy.
jiggjuggj0gg@reddit
A bunch of things that happened in covid that completely derailed any plans I had really taught me that plans are overrated. I ended up in a far, far better position than I ever could have planned for just on sheer luck and coincidence.
It can be good to have a vague direction, but having a concrete plan can keep you blinkered, and sometimes you just have to go with the flow a bit. Understanding that everything is at least half luck - the good and the bad - is half the battle; theres only so much we can control anyway.
jelly_Pp@reddit
May I ask how you moved overseas? It’s something I’m interested in doing in the future
apeliott@reddit
I quit my job, packed a suitcase, and got a one-way ticket to Australia with no job or visa lined up. Sorted out a visa after I arrived then got a job.
A year later I packed the suitcase and got a one-way ticket to Japan with no job or visa lined up. I met a karate master who offered to teach me so I stayed, learned karate, married a hot Japanese girl and bought an apartment in Tokyo.
VarangianWRLD@reddit (OP)
I've seen your story so many times on this sub
What a guy
jelly_Pp@reddit
Haha funnily enough those are the two countries that were top of my list to go to. Would u mind if I pmed you a few questions?
apeliott@reddit
Sure, but I might take a while to get to over PM. It's night here and I'm about to go to bed and I usually don't get PM notifications on my phone for some reason.
jelly_Pp@reddit
Oh no it’s no rush, I’d really appreciate any response no matter how long it takes haha
apeliott@reddit
Alright. Well either post them here or PM me and I'll probably get back to you tomorrow.
jelly_Pp@reddit
Thank you, sent you a PM request!
Big_barney@reddit
Fortunately, yes. But my circumstances aren't very normal.
My wife and I got together in high school aged 13 and are still together and happy 20 years later, with the addition of 3 children and a wedding somewhere in the mix.
As a result, it expedited a lot of 'life' things for us, i.e. purchased our forever property in our early 20s, post-graduation after saving for years, we're among the younger parents in the playground, we were finished having kids by age 30.
Also, my career has advanced a lot in the last decade, whilst maintaining a solid work/life balance so we now have a comfortable existence.
Many of my friends are only just having children, some are divorced, others can't afford properties, haven't found a career they enjoy etc.... I do not take anything for granted.
Hammahnator@reddit
Very. Being disabled wasn't on my bingo cards.
Craven123@reddit
I planned to live in a ramshackle house that doubled as a zoo with my best friend Sam. Girls were gross and we just wanted to play crash bandicoot all day and keep spiders and snakes.
My life now, perhaps unsurprisingly, looks nothing like that.
Moved out of the city. Got married. Got a sensible car. Got a dog. Had two kids.
What terrible a cliche I am.
Happy though. So that’s nice.
Focus on being happy. The details of what/where/how should flow from that starting focus.
lost-in-midgard@reddit
Pretty much exactly what I want it to look like.
Pretty much the opposite of what I hoped it would feel like.
GlitchingGecko@reddit
I'd like to not be chronically ill anymore, so if they can find cures for at least a couple of my most symptomatic health conditions, that'd be a good start.
IndividualCurious322@reddit
The rest of mine is devoted to my study, research and passion projects. I also take care of wild animals and tend to my fruit crops (raspberries, strawberries, blueberries and gooseberries).
I had imagined working a normal 9-5, and would have really liked the routine of such, but that didn't turn out.
rustytromboneXXx@reddit
What’s the study?
IndividualCurious322@reddit
So I study art (human anatomy, clothing detail and advanced perspective) folklore, cryptozoology and one famous historical figure (Joan of Arc) and am constantly aquiring rare and out of print books and manuscripts relating to these things and then corrolating as much information as I can together (In regards to art, I like to simplify the information as best I can and make tutorials of sorts out of it). I recently expanded my study on dragons by translating some early French, German and Swiss sources (I have some Italian ones in the post) from the 1400's to the 1800's.
One Swiss source in particular was very fascinating as it mentioned the believed breeding habits and location(s) of a flock of dragons centred near Mount Pilatus. They'd been alledged to have been seen by many hundreds of witnesses over a span of several hundred years, bodies were supposed to have been recovered and in one instance, a unit of soldiers was sent to dispatch one of these animals, but it had already gone by the time they got there.
gunbo3000@reddit
If you'd have asked 20 year old me what I want my life to look like...would I have said as it is now? Probably not. But my motivations and maturity were vastly different to now.
I think people also just fail to factor in the rest of the world and context when they have these thoughts too.
Right now I'm early 30s, Married, 2 kids, Homeowner of a house we could realistically stay in forever and grow in to, stable job that pays fairly well, good support network around me, time for my hobbies. Me and my wife had a similar conversation recently and both of us agreed that really we feel we've hit the jackpot (by luck more than judgement!)
20yo me would have wanted to be a millionaire or famous. 33yo me is content that with how crazy the world is, I have a roof over my head, no major money problems, a happy and healthy family and able to treat ourselves on a fairly regular basis.
Dry-Grocery9311@reddit
Your life is happening now.
The process of planning is a good thought exercise but don't expect your plan to survive contact with real life.
Your most valuable resource is your time and it's level of quality.
When you look back at your life, it will be the unusual events that stand out as memories. You're more likely to remember an amazing experience than a good day at work.
Don't allow things onto your personal bucket list just because they are on other people's bucket lists.
Don't have kids unless you're prepared to make them your life's work above all else.
Plan the practical stuff to protect your downside. If you plan too rigidly for your upside, you can inadvertently put upper limits on what you get to experience in life.
Basically. There's nothing wrong with having a plan but there's also nothing wrong with not having one.
Continuous, varied learning, an open mind and a clear minded level of self awareness, is a common route to a happy life.
AdministrativeShip2@reddit
I'd expected to take over in my dad's business, be married and have a family.
None of that. But I do have a little flat, an easy job and reddit.
griffaliff@reddit
I never really had a vision, the only things I'd change is having a detached house near the countryside and more money. Can't complain though, I've bought a house, got a great wife, a lot of friends, some I've know over twenty years, we have enough money to not worry, I enjoy my job most days. Things could be far far worse.
destria@reddit
I'm pretty much living my realistic dream life. I'm married to an amazing, loving husband and we have a wonderful, funny and bright kid. I'm currently a SAHM and really grateful to have had that choice. We live in a modest but cute family home with a big garden, located in a family friendly village close to a beautiful city. We have no financial concerns. I have no major health issues. I see lots of friends regularly. I feel like I've developed a good mix of hobbies and interests (though with a toddler, perhaps less time than I'd like to do them!). We go on holidays abroad once or twice a year, plus one or two UK holidays as well.
Truly I am really content. I can't say I did anything in particular to get to this point beyond living a pretty boring standard life. Went to university, met my future husband there, got graduate jobs, climbed the ladder for a while. Just a heavy dose of luck I think.
Moongoosls@reddit
Not very different at all. I'd like a volunteering role with a bit of purpose, since all work where I live is either tourism, industry or the grocery store.
I'd like to live nearby to where I am, but with slightly more trees and less neighbours.
Other than that it's grand.
continentaldreams@reddit
I am married, own a beautiful house, have a cute cat, and go on loads of holidays - I'm exactly where I wanna be.
Let's just ignore my boring job (that I do for the money) and the fact that it's taking us a while to have a baby... but we're almost there!
OwnLunch2133@reddit
Gosh! This post is going to depress a few going through mid life crisis, me being one of them. Nothing turned up like I would have liked.
PsychologySpecific16@reddit
It's great. Enough money to do what I want within reason, tonnes of mates who would walk throgh fire for me and a loving wife.
I'd like more of a pension pot for peace of mind but i'm going to work on that.
Alert_Ad_5750@reddit
I’m 30, my life right now is everything I’ve envisioned and wanted. There are still goals and challenges ahead but everything feels in place and I’m very content. I’ve had a successful career, travelled the world, partied hard and had some very difficult experiences I’ve taken life lessons from. Right now I’m a SAHM to my 1yo daughter and 2yo son while my partner is out running his business which I get a salary from and will eventually work in too when the kids are older.
I’m exhausted and non stop running around after my children but having the time of my life. I have zero time for myself and right now that doesn’t matter, I’ll get time back as they grow but for now I am appreciating these are very special years getting to experience my babies growing up.
There are still negative things that have happened in recent times or things that bother me but they do not outweigh all the good around me. I take the lessons, do my best and try to be productive always.
Planning ahead the goals are to buy a house, keep the business going strong and make sure my children keep growing up happy and healthy to be functioning members of society and enjoy all that life has to offer them along the way.
NoCold3997@reddit
Quite happy to be fair.couldn't really improve .
SasiBan@reddit
I never thought I'd get married, but I'm almost a year into marriage with the most incredible man. I have a decent job which pays enough without being too stressful. I've never wanted kids, my husband has two, I don't love being a stepmum but oh well. We have a gorgeous little dog who brings me so much happiness, I consider him to be my family 🩷
My husband is amazing, he's helping me to work towards my dream, its been my dream since I was a kid and I never thought it would be possible but, with him beside me, anything is. I love that man so much.
-mmmusic-@reddit
i'm a bus driver who works weird hours and has no useable free time to hang out with friends. i get random days off, so i might not have a saturday or sunday off for weeks. i still live with my parents (i'm only 20), and we have a dog and a cat together.
my ideal life is a job that can support me living on my own and having a dog at the same time. meaning i would work no more than 6 hours in the daytime, so i can be with my dog plenty. i'd love a more active breed of dog, but that wouldn't work if i had to leave them at home for a full working day.
i'd love a job where i can take the dog with me, something like a dog trainer. i'd love to work for myself in an ideal world, but i've done it before, and i hated it. it's a nice thought, but in reality there's just so much to it!
boringfantasy@reddit
Mid 20s here. I have a well paying job, live in the city, have a partner. So if you were asking 16 year old me, he’d be blown away! But maybe 13 year old me would’ve had more ambition.
Still gotta figure out that social life though. Turns out making friends in London isn’t as easy as you’re told 😭
Squeak_Stormborn@reddit
I have a whole lot less money and one less child than planned but otherwise, pretty good!
citrousredux74@reddit
Everything is going exactly to plan i just need to finish with this shitty unpaid thing called university
Glittering_Vast938@reddit
Uni days were the best of my looking back! It was the 1990s though.
cbawiththismalarky@reddit
I've had a death this week so it has actually been on my mind quite a bit, and a lot of it is not what i want as such but what i don't want
VarangianWRLD@reddit (OP)
I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you're well
In terms of thinking what you don't want, that's a great approach. What would be on that list at the minute?
cbawiththismalarky@reddit
Thank you, I'm ok, everyone i've talked to this week has been incredibly kind.
I've seen death play out a few times, an older person that lasted a long time, (90) but became more frail with every year, and they wouldn't be told that diet and exercise would help them be more active and have an over-all better quality of life, another that at 60 basically sat down and watched tv for their last thirty years and became more bitter as they aged, i guess a more positive one in someways is the one that's been on holiday more or less for the last 20-30 years, all modalities that i have to say don't really fit with how i see my last 30 years or how i'd like to look after myself.
Optimuswolf@reddit
I'm approaching that 30 years an adult point....
Overall I'm happy with life. Well off financially, moderately successful (although less so than the expectations i felt), lovely family. I'm super fit and healthy and am now a confident man and think I'm pretty kind too.
I do however feel like I've drifted to this point via the path of least resistance, comfort and privilege, and can't quite settle on how i feel about that.
mdmnl@reddit
To quote Connie in Tinker Tailor:
"I don't know about you George, but I'm feeling seriously under-fucked!"
No_Release2180@reddit
Pretty far. I wanted everything you listed by my age (36) but unfortunately I am single, live with my parents, and have a very small group of friends.
But life is always about perspective. I have a good job, enough disposable income to mostly do whatever I want, friends and family who care about me, and enough free time to enjoy my interests.
Would it be easy to feel like I failed somehow? Sure. I haven't found a partner, or had kids, or built a home in the way I wanted/expected. But I also haven't had all the downsides that comes with those things. The grass is always greener, and there are bad sides to everything.
I try to enjoy the life I have and the privileges it gives me. And if I had found the life I was expecting, I hope I would have enjoyed that too.
LzzrdWzzrd@reddit
I'm pretty much there. 30, married, homeowner, with five wonderful animals.
All that's left is more money but I'm very pleased with where I am in life. I'd like friends, but the autism makes that hard.
Dry_Hour1316@reddit
I never knew what I wanted to get in life.
I spent a third of my life in a different place. I was born abroad and only moved to the UK when I was 24, I'm in my late thirties now.
I didn't go to university when I was young, instead I took odd jobs back in my home country just to have money to travel.
When I moved to the UK my first job was collecting glasses in a pub getting minimum wage, then more hospitality and retail, until I reached a point where I decided to go to university and study software.
Since then I'm in a better position that I could have ever dreamed of. Earning 6 figures+, married, enjoying my work and my life. I never imagined I could ever get what I have nowadays, and all because 24 year old me was bored in my home town and decided to move to the UK for a couple of months.
Rare-Quantity5503@reddit
Pretty much got what you describe but with more money. It’s great. Much recommend.
Confident_Drive_3041@reddit
Life is what happens between plans tbh
twogalsinatrenchcoat@reddit
Not too far off. I realistically have 2 years before I will have the experience for a promotion that will financially allow me to work 30 hours over 4 days a week. Currently work 40 hours a week compressed into 4.5 days. The dream is a house near the sea or a lake so I can swim every day
SpectreSingh89@reddit
It's average. Wife is looking after 2 kids and am in physical job doing warehouse stuff. Wife talked about weekend job and I have encouraged her.
HideousTits@reddit
I’m there.
Single mum (with lovely boyfriend living separately- the key to a happy relationship guys!) plus two kind, funny teenage boys.
Job I really enjoy (chef) which gives me weekends and evenings off.
Live in a beautiful part of the country I don’t think I’ll ever want to leave.
Enjoy the simple things, like to explore nearby places, experiment with food most days, read good books, drink good beer, vape average homegrown weed.
I’m poor, have (well managed) bipolar disorder, plus fibromyalgia, BUT I have realistic simple expectations for my life, and they are being met already.
BiscuitCrumbsInBed@reddit
No. I always thought i would be married by my age (42), living happily with my family. But i'm single and not with my son's dad. I was engaged when I was younger, but that ended when I was 30 as he became an alcoholic whilst trying to mentally deal with the trauma caused by childhood abuse. The blessing is that hes doing amazing, is married and has a child. I was fortunate enough to have my son at 34 but that relationship didnt last.
I've been single since last April and have been unwell for the last 14mth so money is tight. Too tight to even think about dating right now. I've put on weight whilst off work and am at the heaviest I've ever been.
Lunabuna91@reddit
No. I live at home at require fulltime care due to long covid / severe ME/CFS.
VolcanicBear@reddit
Has my life planned out how I expected? Well, I consider myself a drug addict, so not in that sense. Nor in the way even IVF failed.
I do however earn quite a bit, paid off my mortgage at 37. Happily married with two dogs.
If I can keep earning what I do, whilst putting in the same effort I do, that'd be nice. It'd be nicer to have that with absolutely zero effort though.
cr4lforce@reddit
I dunno, my jobs become zero effort now it's remote so my weed smoking is now a lot higher 😆
I love my life, I own my own home, never been interested in having kids and my partner already has adult children and can't have any more now.
I cover all my own house expenses and my partner buys us nice food from M&S to feed me n cleans my cats litter tray so it's a good system.
Spent the last 4 days BBQing and gardening with beer n bongs in glorious sunshine with some solid pc gaming in the evenings.
I'm sort of estranged from my family with all of them living hundreds of miles away and went to 9 schools and left school at 16 so have no qualifications.
I got a temp job at a bank when I was 17 doing filing and now I'm I manage teams remotely for a bank # no uni needed 😛
Anyways off for my afternoon nap with the cat.
Electronic-Shoe341@reddit
By this point, I wanted to be married, possibly with kids, have a stable job and housing. I have none of the above, plus a chronic illness. However, I'm employed, doing my best & just rolling with how things pan out.
All we can do is make the best decision possible with the information that we have available to us at the time.
Traditional-Treat613@reddit
I haven't ever really planned ahead. At any time I had an idea as to what a happy future would look like, but as time passes as does what you are looking for.
My personal approach has always been to be happy today and let the future sort itself out.