My wife passed two years ago. Any advice for me while raising our kids? There’s no real playbook for widowed parents and I don’t want to fuck then up too badly.

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I'm so sorry. I know how heartbreaking it is. One thing I wish my mother did for all of us would have been to get all of us into therapy sooner. She never really went herself and instead used alcohol as a coping mechanism. Meanwhile, I developed some pretty significant PTSD from the experience since my father had a massive heart attack right in front of 8 year old me. So definitely therapy. And if your wife has family that your kids are close with, try not to lose touch with them. Wish I had more/better advice.

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berg_schaffli@reddit

Thanks, this is actually a huge relief in a way. By pure dumb luck we ended up in a school system that has been extremely proactive with their students experiencing grief. Apparently we’re not alone.

I know this isn’t xennial specific, but I miss the times like 10-15 years ago where I’d be slightly inconvenienced to go to someone’s wedding.

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Swimming_Tax_2763@reddit

I also lost a parent as a child (dad died by suicide when I was 9). I agree with the therapy suggestion. What I wished I had had as a child was more opportunity to talk about my dad with my mother and his family. Because of how he died (and the surrounding circumstances were even more controversial), no one talked about him. We did not reminisce or share memories about him. It was 20 years before I had a conversation with any of my extended family about who my father was. Losing a parent before you know them makes it harder to know yourself. Talk to your kids about their mother. Let them know they can come to you when they miss her. She stays alive through remembering her. Share all the memories you can with them. It will help her feel not as far away.

I am so sorry for you and your children. My mother was abusive and neglectful overall, so I didn't have a parent looking out for me after my dad died. It sounds like you are looking out for your kids. They are so, so lucky to have that. Remember that wanting to do right by them is an incredible thing in and of itself. I wish you and your family all the best.

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ValancyNeverReadsit@reddit

That’s very good advice to start with. I’m sure berg_schaffli appreciates it.

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sallystarling@reddit

I'm so sorry for your loss. My friend lost her mum aged 9. When my cousin lost her dad at the same age I asked my friend for advice, and what she said stuck with me. She said the absolute number 1 thing is to keep talking about them. Her (boomer) dad wasn't one to talk about feelings, or have anything to do with therapy etc, so he just bottled everything up and it became an unspoken rule in their house that mum was not to be mentioned 💔 (I think/hope that kind of attitude is less prevalent these days.)

OrdinaryBrilliant650@reddit

That’s harsh and I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It was probably a lot of cognitive decline, even if it was undiagnosed. That can make someone short to anger and just plain mean.

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TheAngerMonkey@reddit

A lot of it was uremic toxicity from advanced chronic/diabetic kidney disease.

Pretty much the same, except mine are Christian Nationalists about an hour away. No recognition of the harm they caused bc they were 'doing God's will'

We let them see our kids maybe twice a year but don't stay and otherwise don't engage with them.

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realRavenbell@reddit

My reality as well, except they live 5 minutes away and like to randomly swing by.

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Low_Face7384@reddit

Oh no. I used to live about 5 miles from my parents. My dad one time just randomly walked in without knocking or ringing the doorbell, and believed it was his right. That was the end of the road with my parents and I’ve kept a safe emotional distance from them since, and then 2 years later left the state. Once I left, my mom told me that she used to stop by my house when we weren’t home to see my dogs. She had a key for emergencies, and if she asked for permission, I would have given it to her. But she thought she didn’t need permission. And what’s worse is, my parents never did the same with my nieces. My brother lives about 8 miles from them, but because their house is never “on the way” anywhere, my parents couldn’t be bothered. Now the girls are teen and preteen and unsurprisingly, want nothing to do with them.

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nukemarsnow@reddit

Curious if you ever tried to bring in a neutral third party to mediate or moderate communication?

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Yeah usually in a situation like this, getting some kind of mediation won't help because they have too much pride to admit they ever did anything wrong, and probably never will unless they hit rock bottom in some fashion.

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Xander134@reddit

I definitely don’t believe that they would participate in any meaningful way. They’d just be defensive.

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Wendy-Windbag@reddit

This right here, except it is just one parent. My mom (in retrospect) was always immature and abusive, but when my dad passed near twenty years ago, she flew past the point of no return with her histrionics and actions. No forgiveness could ever be given for her words and treatment, so I've been low contact with her ever since. The few times I've tried to give her another chance, she goes right back to being manipulative and cruel. Superficial pleasantries a few times a year is all I can tolerate.

Plus her lifestyle and financial decisions with retirement are beyond moronic, and I refuse to catch her when her funds dry up.

My husband grew up poor and went through a lot of stress trying to navigate his parent's senior care, and then end of life care when they passed a few years ago. Both his parents grew up comfortable as children of physicians that had built up wealth, but they squandered everything ever handed to them, and were selfish and neglectful. It was beyond frustrating to handle viciously stubborn and irresponsible adults in such circumstances, and I absolutely will not put us through it again for my mom. She's made her bed.

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LopensCouisin@reddit

I get this. I live on the other side of the country from my parents.

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timberlyfawnflowers@reddit

You aren't alone.

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morbidemadame@reddit

Both parents are early 80's.

Oh, no worries about guilt here. My mom is the best mom who ever mommed, and I'm delighted that I get to live with her and take care of her for whatever time she's got. She's only 75, and healthy as a horse -- knock on wood -- but I think we're all aware of how quickly things can change.

Father died when I was 10 but he was abusive so not a big miss. My mother passed away in 2012. She died right before my first one was born so she also didn't have time to redeem being a sucky absent mother.

I sadly don't have that many good childhood memories of my parents so I'm creating those myself with my own kids so they don't have the same experience.

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NicePatience43@reddit

Not great, my dad is okay. My mom retired and gave up, Covid did a number on her mental health and she refuses help. She lives in her recliner, just spent a weekend trying to go on a trip with them, it was a lot.

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Omgkimwtf@reddit

I'm about to turn 41, both of my parents are still alive (73 & 77). They're overall in good health, living fully and independently. I get along fairly well with them; I go over most Sundays for dinner, and if there's something they need help with during the week, I can usually go over after work. My mom and I are travelling together to her family's reunion next month, and I'm pretty good with it, she's very chill. I'd be more stressed travelling with my dad, as he can get stubborn about the weirdest things.

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sinenomine83@reddit

My father died exactly 5 years ago, a week before he would have turned 75. It took me almost our whole time together to realize how great of a father he was and how much he meant to me. I was fortunate to be able to tell him so before he was too far gone to understand. He missed the birth of his grandkids by about a year, but I see the best (and sometimes not quite the best) of him in myself every day. They're just now old enough to start asking questions about the man in the pictures, which makes me happy and sad at the same time.

He and my mother were devoted to each other, and now she's adrift. There's nothing in her children or grandchildren that can replace what he was to her, but she goes on. She smiles and laughs with her grandkids, and takes trips to see her friends, all as some sort of facsimile of a life that she feels is worth living. It hurts me deeply to see this diminished version of the woman I knew. She's still all the things she used to be, just less of them. My kids don't notice, and I wonder if my parents felt the same way about my grandparents when I was too young to understand the passage of time and the loss that comes with it.

We talk and reminisce a lot, which we both enjoy. She's a retired nurse and I went into healthcare too, so we talk shop quite a bit even though I don't practice anymore. It feels weird, because it sucks seeing her this way, but I'm not ready to lose her.

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Feeling very lucky to still have both my parents, and they’re in good shape. They were young parents though, so my dad is now 71 and my mom is 70. My dad goes on walks and swims regularly and follows a solid Mediterranean diet. My mom is much more sedentary, which worries me. I have no cancer history in my family and my mom’s mom lived to be 87 (while type 2 diabetic and never exercised once in her life). I’m trusting her genes are good. 🙏🏻

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Dimplefrom-YA@reddit

my dad is alive and he's senile.. i care for my dad, but he's very difficult to deal with. Regardless, i will do anything he asks of me. he wanted a new computer.. i got him one.. recently i renovated our home.. the only things that were left were the master bath (my dad's) and mine.. my dad tells me he wants a new bathroom now.. so that's next for him.. however he wants.. i will do it for him.

my mom is what's killing me. Dad gives her 0 support.. she's constantly working around the house.. she wants a break and can't get one. if my dad does help her.. he's more of a bother than actual help.. and she gets frustrated.

She went through cancer. had a masectomy

constant kidney stones and uti

diabetetic coma (once)

and her heart stopped during a colonoscopy.

she has so many things going on with her....but she cooks because my dad doesn't like my cooking. She maintains a catering business.. which she cute down big time--thank god.. but still does it.

Today, i'm happy i moved back home, so she can have a little support. Dad just doesn't understand how much she went through.. in fact it was me that changed her tubes.. bathed her.. i constantly go from work to home to make sure she's okay. During her major catering gigs, i'll help her out.. drive her wherever she wants to go... etc.

Recently bought a new bed for her, because her old bed is just awful... she hates when i spend money on her.. but she deserves it. She's the best mother ever. WHen i was young i tried to commit suicide.. at the hospital and depression ward.. my mom would not leave my side. So i owe her so much.

. I will do anything and everything for my parents.. it's tiring.. but i love them.

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drowevil2@reddit

50% are dead

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OllieFromCairo@reddit

They're fine. My dad has slowed down a bit. My mom (who is generally a wonderful person) has intensified her annoying personality traits which creates some tension with my ADHD daughter.

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ofTHEbattle@reddit

Both still alive, dad had an aneurysm 6 years ago, and basically can't remember what he's doing 10 seconds after he starts to do something. Moms taking care of him with all her own ailments...I swear to God that woman is going to out live her children! I swear they should write a medical journal about her and all the shit she's been through!

Relationship....eh...not the best. Mom failed us as kids, let us all get hurt and didn't do anything about it. Dads fine, but with his state of mind...he's just not him anymore.

KdawgEdog@reddit

I'm 43, my dad is 70 and doing well, we just went to a cabin on a state park 2 weekends ago and canoe a small river. And my mom is 70 as well and doing awesome(she divorced my dad 25 years ago) but has a new partner since, I see her weekly and we talk and hang out.

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Hyphum@reddit

It’s apparently easy to disown your kid when they comes out as trans and suddenly your son is your daughter.

But it gets really hard to justify disowning your kid when they have genetic testing done (karyotype) due to having hidden a soft female puberty out of fear.

I was finally validated and diagnosed with partial androgen insensitivity syndrome, a DSD or intersex condition.

Couldn’t get them to even process or understand any of it.

Im_all_booked@reddit

My mom is 67 and my dad is 79. They live 10 minutes away from me and are both still active/healthy. We see them every Sunday for family dinner.

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hyjnx@reddit

Parents are in their late 70s early 80s. Mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and dad keeps getting skinnier. My older sister had a TBI and had to move back in with them prob close to 10y ago and that was really a health turning point for them and not in a good way. It took its toll. I do what I can to come around but its difficult to see them and the dynamic that has developed at home. They still live in my childhood home. So its like the memories of childhood overlaced with the reality of what is current. I understand with my mothers diagnosis I need to go there more often, but I am in the middle of a move and every weekend is taken up by schlepping stuff from one place to the other.

I figure I’ll go “fentle” into that good night as I won’t have the resources when the time comes.

I wish I had gotten more takes/ stories from my mother.
Y’know the real deal. The ones only she knew.
Now I’ll never know.

My father’s more of an open book.
I got him one of those story biography kits.
He hasn’t touched it. 🤷‍♂️

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The_Wicked_Ginja@reddit

I talk to my mom (78)once a month on the phone but we text frequently. She lives with my brother and sometimes stays with my sister. Mom has had a few strokes and broken her back so she can’t live on her own.

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_Internet_Hugs_@reddit

I don't speak to my parents.

My dad is in terrible health and my mom is a hystrionic narcissist. I get occasional updates from my sister.

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sodascouts@reddit

My parents have both been diagnosed with late onset Alzheimers. My mother is unable to care for herself. My father is in denial about his s degraded mental and physical state. It causes conflict.

So, things are not great. At least they have professional care.

I have a good relationship with them. My sister and I try to handle their needs long-distance, but it's challenging. Visits are hard. I pretend to enjoy myself for their sake, but it's honestly pretty horrible.

I'm about to leave for a lengthy visit in a few days. Wish me luck!

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iamthe0ther0ne@reddit

My father has been falling a lot and refuses to wear a fall ert and my mother is deaf. A year ago he fell on the ice at night without his phonr and laid there for hours (rural) until someone found him. He broke his ankle and needed surgery and couldn't walk for 2 months, never got PT, and now has trouble walking. Last month he feel in the bathroom after my mother went to bed, and she didn't find him until the next morning. He cut his knee but the doctors didn't monitor it when he kept saying it hurt, and he's been in and out of the ICU 4 times in the past 1 weeks, most recently with sepsis, and is back again. My mother used to love gardening but can no longer pick up heavier things and has mostly stopped. This has all been pretty sudden since they turned 80/81 (though my father has also had heart/diabetes/kidney problems for more than a decade, so really worried; his father, who wasn't overweight and didn't have diabetes/kidney issues, died in his late 70s.

I moved overseas in the fall and figured they would visit me this summer because they love traveling, but now it's looking like they might never travel again, and I'm kind of worried my father might die soon.

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aubreypizza@reddit

I’m 46 and mine are 80/81 and still doing ok. I just thank my lucky stars we have a good relationship and they’re still alive. Only thing is I live across the country from them. But they live in a small town with no jobs compared to where I am. So the 2 trips to see them each year is all I get.

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ChangeAroundKid01@reddit

My parents are great. Both baby boomers, still alive and kicking

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alwaystheocean@reddit

My parents are all alive. My father, who raised me, is doing well health wise. My stepmother seems to be sliding into dementia, and she had a massive heart attack a few years ago. My birth mother did a lot of drugs and has seizures, but otherwise seems indestructible.

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ArrivalOnly8239@reddit

Haven’t seen or spoken to father since my 20s, recently went very low contact with mother for triangulating all of her kids and turning a blind eye to and normalizing abuse. Only very recently did I walk away from my role in the drama triangle of the rescuer, should have done it decades ago.

She lives with my brother who I’m no contact with and I have anxiety about when her health starts failing and needs more help/financial support. Would love to hear from those who’ve had to navigate similar emotional landfills/minefields.

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suddle@reddit

My father passed in 2010. I don’t speak to my mother anymore (and my father and I weren’t close either, as he was a hardcore alcoholic). Some people should not have kids!

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Both dead. One in 2003 and the other in 2008.

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FKFnz@reddit

73 and 71. Dad's had some health problems the last couple of years, and dementia is starting to set in. He's also been depressed for years and tends to fly off the handle every now and then and get very personal, so we go long periods without speaking.

Mum is pretty healthy but unfortunately has brainwormed herself with Facebook, and now we get snippets of what Charlie Kirk says, or the trans agenda, or whatever other brainrot she's read in the algorithm.

Luckily my siblings and I are all on the same page about that and she gets shut down pretty quickly.

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Tsunamiis@reddit

Dead fortunately. Now just waiting for that step father to end himself, geez I hope it’s soon.

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This_is_the_Janeway@reddit

Not strong, but still going. Their current health issues are my cautionary tale…..big time! Lucky to still have them.

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VioletVenable@reddit

They’ve both been gone for several years now. We were very close and they were such smart, witty, thoughtful people. Their physical health was on a steady decline in their last few years, but they never slipped cognitively. Am very lucky to have had them.

mina-ann@reddit

Still around, in their late 60s & mid 70s. We see them for Xmas and mother's Day.

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Soggy_Porpoise@reddit

Dad lives alone having given all his money to a Syrian scammer after his excessive religious references and general racism and bigotry caused my trans niece to kill herself. Which was a contributing factor along with his cheating that caused my step mom to kill herself. Fuck him.

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dowut_ohghey@reddit

Just celebrated my dad's 79th on Sunday. He was upbeat and seemed as well as I've seen him in a couple years. Mom is a couple years younger but was also seemingly well. What's crazy is my dad had his first heart attack at 42, younger than I am now, and was diagnosed with prostate cancer 11 years ago. I'm extremely blessed to still have both parents around.

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Matty_D47@reddit

Dead af. Mom in 2005 dad in 2024

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Corporate-Scum@reddit

Oh yeah. They’re in their 70s and the cognitive decline is real. Lots of helping with tech and life decisions. There’s too much for them to keep up with.

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Dapper_Interest_8914@reddit

Dead.

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CuriousLands@reddit

My mom isn't doing so great. She's been slipping for years, not in the typical senility way, but in a way where she's too prideful, mistreated too many people, and ignored tons of good advice and opportunities, and now she's heading into retirement in a real pickle.

My dad is doing better. Healthwise he's had some trials - cancer and a mild stroke - but he's come out the other end of both with minimal hassles (given the potential issues that can come out of those things). He's still in decent shape and is pretty sharp, and his finances are in decent shape as far as any of us can tell (he doesn't talk much about it, but there are signs lol).

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Radiant-Avocado-3158@reddit

I'm 47 they are each 64. 10 years into no contact with my mom (3rd time's the charm).

Met my father when I was 31 and vacation together anually. : )

My 92 year old maternal grandma lives with my husband and I though.

Both gone. Its weird. Thought they'd be around a lot longer.

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RosesRfree@reddit

84 and 82

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Kindly-Emotion-5083@reddit

Mum passed 2024 Xmas eve at my house. I moved back home, interstate 1500km to look after Dad - would've been lost and died of a broken heart probably. Mum was 74, Dad is 77.

I'm very lucky that my parents (72 and 71) are both in good health. Hell, my dad is still working full time (desk job.) Two years ago my mother got all weepy about us doing a family trip to Europe, "since that was the last time she'd be able to make the trip". Spoilers, they went last year and are planning to go again.

I'm really lucky too we have a very good relationship. Great parents. My brother is somewhat LC with them which makes me sad, but there are reasons there. I'm really hoping they and he can bridge some of that gap before age really hits them, which it hasn't yet.

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iamclear@reddit

Don’t know where my dad is and don’t care. My mum is 76 and has dementia and Alzheimers, didn’t know you could have both until last year when she finally got a definitive diagnosis. Watching her decline has been the most painful thing I’ve ever watched but I still dread the day she goes.

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spatter_cone@reddit

42 and my Mom just turned 80 a few months ago and my Dad will be 78 this November. I live across the country and call them sporadically. They got duped by Fox News and I try to overlook that, even though it’s brought out some nasty behavior in both of them. But also, I haven’t been quiet to them about how I feel. I don’t think I should. They’re my only parents and they won’t quit me, even though I’ve run off to live in the west.

So thankful for where I’m at and the relationship my kiddos have with them (utter adoration both directions).

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lordkaruku@reddit

Dad has Alzheimers and is on hospice (finally - fuck this disease). Mom is cognitively fine, physically decent I guess. Never had a good relationship with Mom so not sure what will happen after Dad dies.

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Agreeable_Branch007@reddit

Dad is 88 & Mom is 85. Still crazy active.

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Flaxscript42@reddit

Drunk a lot.

He died 2 years ago. I found out 2-3 months after it happened. I was most upset that my little sister wanted him buried next to my mother who according to my aunts and older sister was planning to divorce him around the time she died. One of my aunts thought he was responsible for her death but it was a car accident and I don’t see how that’s realistic.

During the 12-14 years I was no contact I talked to him via email less than 10 times and by phone fewer than 3. I wasn’t even sure he was alive for the last 5 years.

My two older sisters were in the same situation for the 5-6 of years.

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McCale@reddit

My mom is in great shape for her age, my dad on the other hand, was running up to 6km a day or biking 20km this time last year. Diagnosed with brain cancer just after fathers day. Was given 12 months. We just put him into hospice 😔

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PopcornSurgeon@reddit

My parents were counter culture weirdos when I was young and now they are kind of normal old people who watch way too much TV. Dad is 78, Mom is 72. Both have health issues and they are pretty inactive. But they are still relatively healthy and mentally all there.

I live across the US from them and only see them in person maybe once a year. We video call a few times a year and talk by phone very infrequently (less than monthly), but we do email and text often and my mom and I are always sending each other memes.

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carryon4threedays@reddit

Dad is late 60s working full time still as a contractor. Mom is mid 60s in a memory care center. They haven’t spoken in decades.

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JudgeJuryEx78@reddit

They're doing alright. Mom is in great shape. Dad is meh, and looks more like a little old man every time I see him, but he's ornery as he ever was.

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qbprincess@reddit

My dad passed in 2024 at age 72. His health had been poor for decades. He had his first open heart surgery at age 40 and was literally a ticking time bomb. I'm still surprised he lasted as long as he did. He was a stubborn old man, but I miss him terribly. My mom and stepdad are both 70 and doing pretty well. Mom is in very good health and keeps herself busy with grandkids. I feel like they'll be around for at least another decade.

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Willywasawale@reddit

Dad is healthy and still plays tennis at 75. He’s a narcissist so not much happening with that relationship.

Dad (72) had hip replacement surgery, but he still gets around great.

I went no contact with mom. I assume she’s fine, or I would have heard otherwise.

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cozysparklessunshine@reddit

Lost my dad last year after an intense year of cancer. Mom lives far away, 70, and I see her a few times a year. She refuses to visit because it’s “too cold” - I live in Michigan and she lived in Minnesota for 55 years before moving south. Have seen an increase in confusion the last 5 months.

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Dead, fortunately.

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frustratedComments@reddit

Dad passed 15 years ago at 60. It crushed me. Mom is still alive at 77.

My mom is really struggling with mobility. And sometimes memory.

Today she put her Coke can upside down in my cup holder. It still had Coke in it.

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Formal-Telephone5146@reddit

Dead mom Died at 50 in 2009 Bio died 62 in 2021. It’s a Surreal Feeling and at times you really feel all alone. And I have a Wife 3 kids and people who love me

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Been no contact for the past 5 years or so.

Much closer to my in-laws, lol

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hisamsmith@reddit

Both parents (mom & adoptive stepfather) are alive and fairly active. Sperm donor seems to be alive as I have not heard from my sisters that things are otherwise. I still have living independent grandparents. So I doubt my parents deaths are imminent.

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full_of_ghosts@reddit

Both in their 80s. I get along with my dad, but can't fucking stand my mother.

Which is frustrating, because they're still married, so they're a package deal. I can never get any quality time with my dad without my mother fucking ruining it.

The man has the patience of a saint. I do not understand how he's tolerated that horrible woman all these decades.

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MutedWeb8433@reddit

Old, and the cause of 99% of my CPTSD. Yay parents 🙄

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My dad is 81 and got his shoulder replaced a couple months ago. Not your doctor, but I hear the surgeries are much less invasive now and recovery is quicker. If he's a vet, the VA should cover it.

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nate_7667@reddit

Thats great, good for him! Hope he's doing well.

Ive been trying to talk with him about it, but he's not hearing it haha He did have his lower bicep reattach this past fall. I was hoping that recovery would show him it's possible.

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dorky2@reddit

They will have their 50th anniversary this year, shortly before they both turn 70. They're both in good health, despite the universe trying multiple times to kill my mom since 2009. It's been one thing after another for her. H1N1 took her down in a big way. Then she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Then hit by a car as a pedestrian, which broke her leg. She needed two surgeries. Then she was attacked by a dog, which ripped a chunk out of her cheek and bit off the tip of her nose. Needed two more surgeries for that. Then she got a concussion and had terrible post concussion syndrome. Nausea, dizziness, vertigo, confusion, fatigue, mood swings - this lasted close to a year. There have been other things but those are the big ones. She's like a cat with nine lives.

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BoobieCancer@reddit

Dad is 72. Mom is 68.

About 5 years ago I convinced them to move to the town where hubby and I bought a house, and they live right down the street from us.

They're pretty good about not smothering us despite being so close. But seeing them more often than we did when they lived 3+ hours away, has made me realize just how poorly they're doing.

My dad had a triple bypass about 10 years ago, is going for cataract surgery soon, and has arthritis. He's obese and thinks it's because he used to eat too much bread. He had a personal trainer for awhile, but he got his cholesterol tested and claims the numbers were perfect, so he decided he didn't need a trainer anymore. The weight he had lost came back & then some. Both of his parents died of heart attacks in their 60s.

Mom has rheumatoid arthritis, arthritis, and some other stuff.

They have absolutely 0 concept of what a healthy meal looks like, and think that a 50:50 ratio of salad:dressing is ok because "salad". My mom is adamant that she's only getting wider because she's getting shorter, and that her leisurely stroll around the block is good exercise because it takes her half an hour (even though it could easily be done in 10 mins).

I was going through some serious treatment last year that made me gain about 35 lbs. I've lost 25 of it in the past 6 months, and they were asking me how. I told them "calories in, calories out", and that most people are drinking their calories and not taking that into account, and gave them the example that an XL double-double coffee is 300 calories, and that's an entire meal worth of calories for me. They argued with me about the calories I quoted, until I showed them on the website, and then they stopped responding to me until I changed the subject.

Their obese dog is a testament to their complete lack of understanding of diet or nutrition, and my mom will argue that he's not fat & then in the same breath tell me that the vet told them to stop feeding him so many treats. My arguments of "vets only talk about limiting treats when your dog is fat" fall on deaf ears. I tried telling them that they can google dog body shapes and see for themselves that "sausage shape" is not a good shape, and it gets ignored - or worse, gets the response of "he's just built different!!" And once again, it gets to the point that they'll stop responding to me until I change the subject.

They'll tell me stories and then repeat the same story again within the hour.

They both claim to suffer from nearly-daily migraines, and don't see anything wrong with popping migraine meds like candy, well above the recommended maximum dose.

Then there is my Dad. He’s still at the top of his game working and isn’t looking at retiring yet even though he could. I see him almost every weekend and talk or text at least 2-3 times a week. Sometimes its a funny video or a random check-in to see whats new. I’ve always been close to him, going way back to being little, It was him and me. We spend every holiday with him (and my step mom), we go camping every now and again. He knows every little detail about my girls down to the exact time they were born. He’s the first person I go to for advice or help. We’d be devastated if something happened to him or my step mom.

Mom is 72, Dad is 75. They both have creative hobbies and still make beautiful things. They enjoy traveling, mostly road trips. Mom is super active at church, teaches a course for retirees. Dad sees his friends, took up guitar.

Over the course of the past 6 months, mom tells me dad is having problems with mood swings and following directions while driving. Even with Google maps navigating. It sounds like he's zoning out, missing exits. Mom says he's "cranky", and sometimes she'll go a whole day without speaking to him. My dad's dad had dementia, so I knew it would likely come for him too. He's probably at the starting line.

Mom and stepdad both passed away.

Biological father is dealing with skin cancer at the moment he is 85.

Adopted parents are doing ok at age 79.

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Moxie_Stardust@reddit

Mom is doing well, she told me due to a quirk in how things work out, she's making more now than when she retired (she did 20+ years in the military, and then worked another job with a pension for over 20 years, then Social Security, knowing her probably an IRA too...)

Dad, I assume my sister will probably tell me when he dies. Might even make a feeble attempt to get me to attend the funeral, IDK.

Mom is 64, very active, runs 50km a week, enjoying her retirement. Functional alcoholic but self aware and trying to make changes to her habits.

The variety in situations, ages, etc. of our parents is always fascinating and humbling to me.

My mom is about to turn 80, and my dad turns 81 this summer. My mom is super healthy and active. She’s in like three book clubs, a line dancing class, a singing group, strength training… probably ten more things I can’t remember. My dad is less active but my mom drags him out to trivia night and he keeps his brain going with crosswords and stuff. I feel super lucky to have them both. We get along well and — key thing— they don’t spend much time online.

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TK1129@reddit

I just moved to the same city as my father and haven't told him. that sums it up

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Suitable_Matter_9427@reddit

Dad’s gone, mom is 76 and doing really well. I dread the day….

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Fickle_Wrangler_7439@reddit

Mom has been dead for over 30 years. Cancer.

Dad probably doesn't have long. He's only 67, but he's never taken care of himself or been active.

We aren't close and we don't get along, but he did his best and he's not a monster or anything. It's... complicated.

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My parents are both still alive and active. My dad just retired last year at 71. My mom is still working at 69.

I have longevity on my genes. My grandmother passed away at 95. Her mother at 90. I have a great uncle who made it to 103

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JeffTS@reddit

My dad passed in ‘97. I’m currently sole caregiver for my 82 year old mother who has dementia. Thankfully, she is still able to physically care for herself but I’m trying to get things in place for when she can’t.

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Nephite11@reddit

My parents are both in their early 70s and doing well health wise. We see them often but are contemplating a move across the country next summer so that will change that. They call me for tech support since my college degree is in Information Technology. I’m heading up to their cabin lot next month to cut down all of their weeds there before they get fined by the neighborhood.

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nodnarbthebarbarian@reddit

Mom: died 20 years ago
father: don't know, couldn't care less

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tronassembled@reddit

Mom is 81 and getting a bit forgetful, not too bad yet, mostly noticeable since Dad has relied on her for so long to keep track of absolutely everything

Dad is 87 and still works out with a personal trainer before driving to work, presumably so that the rest of us will feel like lazy slobs. He's hard of hearing and falls asleep mid-sentence in the recliner but overall he's good. I enjoy his all caps, no punctuation old man emails talking shit about sports

My father died when I was 7.

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mom_bombadill@reddit

My dad passed in 1993. My mom is 82 and bedridden, largely due to her own choices (depression and isolation leading to exacerbation of her chronic back pain). She was always the smartest, bravest, most inextinguishable woman and it hurts me more than I can describe to see her like this.

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aitch79@reddit

Dad passed 10 years ago at 77 of COPD. Mum is 85 and recently had a small stroke, but she’s a stubborn old goat. Cancer survivor, lives on her own, does all her gardening, cleaning, etc.

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breadit8@reddit

My parents are 86 and almost 90. They live in an independent living place that is beautiful. I talk to my mom daily and visit when I can. She is sharper cognitively than my dad, but he has fewer physical aches and pains. I feel so lucky to still have them.

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WTFudge52@reddit

Blessed consider yourself blessed. I can start with everyday I've been alive and follow up with 1995 sucked. Moms sister in 2008 didn't help. I have a buck . 36 in change that can make anyone's life better. I've been too far to many funerals and not nearly as many weddings. 46m

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Inspi@reddit

One so-so these days. The other living-impaired.

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imaniluv1@reddit

Both parents 71. Mom is a stroke survivor but it took her independence. Completely. My dad takes care of her and recently told me he’s starting to feel old. He’s still healthy and spry and recently quit smoking!

I’m at their house half the week to help take care of my mom.

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Omnium316@reddit

I went no contact. No idea.

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zoominzacks@reddit

Dad died in 2016, mom still lives in the house by herself. Doesn’t go out much and has become the neighborhood watch that nobody asked for……but isn’t maga. So I’m still taking that as a win

Wife’s dad died years before mine, her mom is currently going through lung and brain cancer treatments.

So its fine, everything’s fine

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Adh1434@reddit

I’m 45 my dad passed away last September at 80 my mother is 74 and believe facebook is the internet otherwise she is good.

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Miriyum1031@reddit

I’m a 43 and my dad is 73… Doing pretty well so far… But definitely still has health problems here and there which terrifies me! My mom passed away in 2020 when she was 70 years old… Life can be fragile and be taken away unexpectedly— the best thing you can give your loved ones is time with them! Highly recommend making the conscious effort to spend as much time with your mom, the parent you have left, while you’re able to… Take lots of photos and videos… Listen to her stories… Hug her and let her know how much you love her💚

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ChaucersDuchess@reddit

My dad passed in March at 79. Mom lives with us and is 77. Like you, OP, she slips mentally at times and it scares me as well. She’s dealing with grief but also doesn’t like being told what to do and how soon she needs to do things…so I am PUSHING her along in getting things settled financially and it’s…mentally taxing (it’s not me, it’s the bank and her advisor and timelines we have to follow and she cannot get that and takes it all the wrong way).

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casdoodle527@reddit

Mom 63 & bio dad is 69. Dad who raised me is 65