Anon describes the perfect gf
Posted by MochaMistCream@reddit | greentext | View on Reddit | 180 comments
Posted by MochaMistCream@reddit | greentext | View on Reddit | 180 comments
DEEP_SEA_MAX@reddit
>introverted just likes sitting around all day playing video games in an over sized t-shirt
This line alone confirms just how disgustingly fat and lazy anon is.
Unusual-Field-4245@reddit
whoever said "P**** Mound" deserves eternal virginhood
p0llyp0cketpussy@reddit
build-a-bitch workshop
Salt_Ad_8552@reddit
Bro đ„đ
Satehyo@reddit
This is 125iq at least
DirtinatorYT@reddit
At least all of these are physically possible (if mildly unrealistic lmao) characteristics people can have.
EXCEPT for the fact that âalways smells niceâ is physically impossible. No such human exists or has ever existed. Biology simply does not allow this lmao.
kerodon@reddit
I know people who (to me) always smell good so long as they like maintain basic hygiene to any remote degree. It's their natural scent, not their personal hygiene products.
psychedAddict123@reddit
Same. I'm friends with a woman at the gym and she always smells extremely nice, even after working out. Not sure how she does it though
zhire653@reddit
There are a lot of people who donât have that natural BO smell. I think it has something to do with genetics not sure but they always smell nice if not neutral at least. Which is good imo.
JessHorserage@reddit
It depends, if you like someones base musk enough, depending.
leglesslegolegolas@reddit
eh, I used to live with a girl who ALWAYS smelled nice. It is not at all impossible.
Bioshock_Jock@reddit
Forgot, no sense of smell and appetite for tendies and code red.
forgettfulthinker@reddit
No height in mind but has an exact image in his mind on what her genitals should look like
Sir_Daxus@reddit
About 6 lines describing genitals and 1,5 lines describing personality. Anon wants a sentient sex doll.
I_cut_my_own_jib@reddit
Also, how would thick thighs and a "small but round" ass even work?
psychedAddict123@reddit
I guess he means one like many women at the gym have. Fit, in great shape from all the leg workouts, often in yogapants or tight shorts. Not a bbl like some social media influencers have
Sir_Daxus@reddit
I imagine anon's reference for "small but round" is either porn or ridiculously proportioned anime women so small doesn't actually mean small. That or anon was too busy jacking off to his own imagination to notice that he's contradicting himself.
Easy-Musician7186@reddit
Sentient would probably be optional though
Sir_Daxus@reddit
Well, 90IQ implies sentient, although not very sentient xD
Ekkzzo@reddit
90 is a tiny bit below average
viciouspandas@reddit
It sounds like he does. Some men want someone who is kind of dumb because they're easier to control and don't overshadow them, but not too much so it becomes a major burden.
Ekkzzo@reddit
Being dumb is a divorced concept from IQ though. You can have an IQ of 70 and still be capable of smelling someone's bullshit. Those tests merely compare how a bunch of people solved some problems and put the results in a list. It's really not a good measure of intelligence.
And 90 is still dead average even then. Anyone ascribing any value to IQ, outside of maybe studies, is automatically dumber imo than someone that actually scores low on those tests.
Unless anon plans to put riddles on the doors so she has to earn her passage he's got nothing intelligent going on here.
Sir_Daxus@reddit
I'm far enough below average to not know that apparently.
Ekkzzo@reddit
The average is about 100 and the next classification is either over 115 or below 85. IQ itself is also not super accurate measurement, as people can score differently on other types of IQ tests.
All in all it doesn't mean much unless you want to join mensa.
Sir_Daxus@reddit
I see, so anon just wants a normal girl, fair enough. Still listing a preferred IQ for your partner is an incredibly creepy thing to do regardless of the number xD
HairyGobbler@reddit
Don't kinkshame him.
^^^kinkshame ^^^me
Sir_Daxus@reddit
I think you're already kinkshaming yourself well enough on your own 'Hairy Gobbler'.
chengiz@reddit
Introverted and melancholy with 90 IQ. Anon just wants her to nod and agree when he goes on about video games and Jordan Peterson.
pkkthetigerr@reddit
Anon wants forrest gump
wocK_@reddit
Forgive me father wubby. I have sinned. - OP
chimmychummyextreme@reddit
He wants her to be sad and she will be.
BishopDarkk@reddit
Is Jordan sharing a room at Walter Reed with our other current expert vegetable?
ChefArtorias@reddit
Sentient not sapient.
CygnusSong@reddit
Well, he does want her to be sad
CaloricDumbellIntake@reddit
Not to defend anon, because heâs absolutely unhinged, but I count about 5 lines about her personality.
Iâd argue likes kids, not too intelligent, likes animals, very introverted are all concerning her personality as well.
smokeymcdugen@reddit
Anon is not too intelligent either since 100 is average.
viciouspandas@reddit
"not too smart" sounded like a euphemism for "a bit dumb" to me, which would fit 90. I still agree that Anon probably isn't that smart either.
6gpdgeu58@reddit
I feel that some people should just have a bunch of really good sex toys, and then go to massage or therapy to met their emotional need instead of being in an actual relationship.
Specht100@reddit
Most sane 4chan user.
Iwubinvesting@reddit
Uhh BASED?
ZachF8119@reddit
8ft tall or 3 feet tall id be interested.
thr33beggars@reddit
I canât speak for anon but I think most men would agree that the ideal height for a girlfriend or wife is about ten feet tall with a very spacious uterus so you can climb up into them and use them as a battle mech. It pretty much goes without saying.
PGSylphir@reddit
I was going to deny you but I started thinking about it....
damn
hey_free_rats@reddit
What about 11 feet tall?
Just asking.Â
Neomataza@reddit
I thought the perfect build was about 4-5 feet tall, slim, and as light as possible, with strong core muscles so you can throw her like a javelin.
Jiveturtle@reddit
Manlet detected
PurpleAcai@reddit
Your comment made me lol irl.
nicklondon88@reddit
The mental image is too strong đ
Substantial-Cat2896@reddit
Thats how little height matters to a guy
I9w0s@reddit
Anon is concerned with the height of stupidity if anything. These are astronomical expectations. Akin to those women who demand 6 figures and six feet.
Absolutemehguy@reddit
cpt_edge@reddit
Yeah don't worry, this dude isn't contributing anything to the gene pool
Vo112d@reddit
He already is and hes never getting back in
SockGoop@reddit
This guy has never talked to a woman before
tylerchu@reddit
So literally stupider than average?
Ozymandias_1303@reddit
Anon scored a perfect 100 on his IQ test and he wants someone a little less intelligent than him.
Real-AlGore@reddit
itâs not THAT far below average, opâs is probably lower if he spends all day on 4chan
JCampenish@reddit
Anon knows what it's like to hang around dumbasses all day.
OG_Williker@reddit
Thatâs a full standard deviation below the average.
WallScreamer@reddit
That'd be 85.
OG_Williker@reddit
IQ has a standard deviation of 15, not 10? Mine must be below 85 then.
WallScreamer@reddit
Correct, but don't sell yourself short <3
OG_Williker@reddit
Thanks babe â€ïž
austin101123@reddit
Hilarious irony intentional or not
OG_Williker@reddit
Not ironic, Iâm just dumber than OOPâs ideal woman
Worldedita@reddit
Anon feels threatened by women, so he wants one he (thinks) he can control.
Any kind of pushback and his lust would shrivel up into insecurity. Bet.
Vo112d@reddit
Not just women, anon feels threatened by anything including grass
EvenBiggerClown@reddit
Well, realistically, he described an ideal gf, like, perfect, hence it's all hypothetical. Anon is delusional, yeah, but still if you want to contruct a perfect human in your mind, you probably will go for something simialr.
Sir_Daxus@reddit
Anon has never interacted with a real woman, not even his own mother.
thr33beggars@reddit
Or this is an exact description of anonâs mother
DNKE11A@reddit
thr33beggars@reddit
Who among us doesnât want their mom to be a slut for any man except him?
ZxphoZ@reddit
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Spiritual_Parking_70@reddit
SpermicidalManiac666@reddit
If sheâs anonâs mom then she definitely doesnât want kids. At least not the one she already has.
magzz149@reddit
came here to say this
maggiemayfish@reddit
His own mother refused to attend the birth
I9w0s@reddit
PineappleNerd66@reddit
Thought this was a âbe meâ post and I was very confused
ninjaiffyuh@reddit
Why is nobody mentioning that he wants a 90 IQ gf?? Like, being smarter usually means more interesting discussions
murlocfightclub@reddit
Anon wants someone dumb enough to not know she is anonâs prisoner.
HeskeyThe2nd@reddit
Anon doesn't an intelligent gf because that would make him feel insecure. Anon didn't mention it but he definitely wants someone with no friends or family and is dependent on him. He wants someone susceptible to being manipulated.
ceilingkat@reddit
> Quiet and gentle, introverted, sits around playing video games.
Donât be seen or heard. Only be smelled, looked at, and fucked by only me.
> occasional when we go out
Yeah right.
Neomataza@reddit
You think anon wants to hear someone else's opinion?
Elm-and-Yew@reddit
Given that he talks more about her what her bits should look like than her personality, I don't think he actually intends on speaking to his gf like a person. More like talking AT his gf.
But this is fake and gay anyway.
Bromoblue@reddit
Not bothering to read all that, but I think I've spent too much time on the Internet if I'm able to immediately recognize that girl in the picture and remember what her butthole looks like
Tempeng18@reddit
I wouldâve settled for the first stat
Agrafooll@reddit
I would've settled at "I shall start"
Luzon0903@reddit
As long as they're a human and adult, I'm coming
FefnirMKII@reddit
That's more than lots of people can say
BrunesOvrBrauns@reddit
*cumming
outfoxingthefoxes@reddit
Perfect? Small and brown areolas for me, please. Brownish pussy too
nicklondon88@reddit
An actually white asshole?
outfoxingthefoxes@reddit
Yeah they look great
BrunesOvrBrauns@reddit
Y albino hole if brown person?
outfoxingthefoxes@reddit
Nono, white, pale person. Asshole whitening exists
DerpSensei666@reddit
son
terraman7898@reddit
bro
MeBustYourKneecaps@reddit
The people who write this shit never get a gf because they're too lazy.
Too lazy to actually go out and look for one, and too lazy to put the effort into actually caring about a person. They just want a receptacle for their cock that can play Mario Kart sometimes.
Source: I actually had a gf like this (except for the iq part and pale skin.) she wasn't hard to get. Literally just went outside and wasn't a dickhead
Discoverthemind@reddit
This person exists, and weighs about 300lbs. GLHF anon
burgerdistraction@reddit
This is what happens when you watch too much porn
CT0292@reddit
Goes on and on about her bobs and vagene.
Not much about personality.
Anon, bud, if you just want a Real Doll it'll be about 15,000 bucks.
Fact is you don't get to pick these details. And if you want anyone to date you, you'll have to lose the "weird murder" vibe
bell37@reddit
I mean statistically speaking there is likely to be person (at minimum) in the entire world that fits the description anon is talking about.
Now whether itâs feasible that anon would be able to find someone like that (that is also into him). It would be very unlikely. If so, then one also has to consider how many people who have the same personality (or lack thereof), and physical characteristics like anon that would want to pursue a relationship with said person.
Then also consider the number of candidates who would generally have better personality/appearance than anon who would want to pursuit a relationship with the person defined.
Itâs like saying âI want to make seven figures working in a highly competitive fieldâ when you have no skills or experience whatsoever. Does a job like that exist? Yea, but an employer would pick a below average candidate before they even consider you an even if they were desperate to have anyone with a pulse, itâs a game of being at the right place at the right time against thousands of people who are in the same boat as you.
CT0292@reddit
I'm imagining anon meeting a girl who ticks the boxes he can see.
Then upon examining her vagina he rejects her.
Corpexx@reddit
Sorry, itâs not you itâs me.
Okay I lied itâs you your pussy mound isnât fat enough.
Dartmouthest@reddit
Fake: biological female Gay: fat pussy mound with seven inch clit
nozzerella@reddit
Can we mod this for higher intelligence, bigger tits, louder personality, less introverted, has a job?
itspinkynukka@reddit
You do not want a gf THAT dumb
Heir233@reddit
These dudes legit just want a sex doll that can cook and clean. They donât want their woman to actually be a person with a personality or beliefs, just a slave to their master
Mooweetye@reddit
Anon will die alone.
MaybeADragon@reddit
I want Samus Aran but taller and if she doesnt materialise in my living room im killing myself.
Unlikely_Suspect_757@reddit
It sounds like he wants a golden retriever he can have sex with
Neomataza@reddit
Nah. A golden retriever has a personality and is definitely not the silent melancholic gamer type. Anon is describing a piece of furniture that validates him.
DonJuanWritingDong@reddit
Gay: âvery smooth innie pussy with a tiny bit of hair on the mound; fat pussy moundâ
lumpyferret@reddit
my ideal woman has a HULKING PUSSY MOUNDE
nexus8516@reddit
I can't stress this enough, her pussy mound NEEDS to resemble a cock through her underwear
GuerillaGandhi@reddit
Mine is just a sentient FUPA, I'm soooo straight, bro!
Le_Gitzen@reddit
ROCK HARD, THROBBING VEINY PUSSY
DriftyFlower3@reddit
Very gay
THEzwerver@reddit
Anon avoided major conflict by not listing his preferred age
cclan2@reddit
I mean we know it probably starts with a 1
Neomataza@reddit
How many digits though? 1, 2 and 3 are of course obvious, but if anon is a delusional weeb, 4 and 5 are also options.
AsparagusTrick1391@reddit
18 or 19 I hope
Piyachi@reddit
Anakinmeme.jpg
Meewelyne@reddit
I hope there's another number after that.
Altruistic-Local-541@reddit
100
Malvastor@reddit
Milf < gilf < ggilf
Lukthar123@reddit
Anon gets hard walking into the museum
afrikatheboldone@reddit
I'm not sure the world is prepared for this new Night at the museum movie
Comprehensive_Tea577@reddit
ffgg
GuerillaGandhi@reddit
1000 year old demon in a little girl's skin.
rockytop24@reddit
10,000 year old dragon tyvm
ya_boi_kaneki@reddit
i mean 100+ year olds don't really have to worry about children anymore
oxyi@reddit
Generated based on anons description.
Filter55@reddit
The mound.
izmebtw@reddit
I beg we force people outside like recess.
iameveryoneelse@reddit
I donât anything OP says precludes her from having a cock.
leglesslegolegolas@reddit
Pretty sure "very smooth pink innie pussy" precludes her from having a cock
iameveryoneelse@reddit
Just because she has a pussy doesnât mean she canât have a cock. Youâre just not as creative as OP.
soniko_@reddit
I wonder if this fucking idiots realize that someone with a widely âdifferentâ iq means a lot more hard work from both sides, rather than making things easy.
PixelSpy@reddit
Meanwhile anon is 5'4 and 300lb
Blackout1154@reddit
meatwad?
Maiq_the_liar_23@reddit
Dude is literally a circle and has a full list of demands
magicarnival@reddit
Tbf anon didn't specify that his ideal gf wasn't also 5'4" and 300lb
Soraman36@reddit
Wake up to reality Anon
fresh_dyl@reddit
proceeds to post an IQ roughly double his own
ktsb@reddit
my ideal woman is loyal. respectful but not. a pushover. has her own hobbies and interests she can do on her own but is willing to share them with me and join in on mine. you'd be surprised how many get filtered out by that first thing.Â
MobiusNaked@reddit
OPs actual GF
CDR57@reddit
Played games all day
Smells nice
Canât have it both ways anon
rfuegoscuro@reddit
I miss the good old times when I hadn't read this
Lloids77@reddit
Anon is a 50 year old virgin man child
Cultural-Company282@reddit
Excellent cook
Doing laundry and washing dishes makes her horny
panicinbabylon@reddit
Loves making sandwiches.
Doesnât speak unless spoken to.
Polyhydroxybutyrate@reddit
age preference implied
bassturducken54@reddit
Hopefully this man just continues never reproducing
SipoteQuixote@reddit
"She should be filled with goose feathers and the best fabric ink avaliable should be used to create her image."
Exter10@reddit
I read the first 7 lines, then skipped to the bottom and read up until the intelligence line. Completely missed the deranged porn-brain characteristics anon wants until I read the comments lmao, jfc actual creep behaviour.
RoodieSchmoodie@reddit
You guys think Anon will get a gf or nah.
magzz149@reddit
would scare her off after one conversation
Hot_Guys_In_My_DMS@reddit
EhâŠ.
magzz149@reddit
Anon has never left his house or talked to a real woman
brathorim@reddit
Doesnât want kids, is he gay?
Outis918@reddit
Doesnât want kids is a dealbreaker
MayorMcCheezz@reddit
Reads like a shopping list for anonâs dream NEET Bot.
Pepperonidogfart@reddit
Whats his name?
JarrodWilliams31@reddit
Just rambling about your perfect fantasy while likely being undesirable in real life. Like listening to a broke dude talk about his favorite Ferrari
AsparagusTrick1391@reddit
My standards
Female (optional)
Arstanishe@reddit
It's nice to dream on any subject sometimes, but this is pretty a fantasy, imo.
Not because any of those specific traits are not possible, it's just people are living beings, and they can't be put in a closet to be only taken out of it on anon's demand.
Sure, you can meet a girl who has long eyelashes, medium ass and high libido or whatever, but she won't stay exactly this way through the years. After initial passion drops a little, you need much more than physical attraction to be together with someone, all that boring shit about listening, caring and staying your boundaries, and arguing reasonably. Even more if/when you plan for kids.
The bad part about that kind of daydreaming is that anon won't do the things needed to get and keep such a gf. And that not even touching the fact that a girl can also be toxic and manipulatory, and you need to be able to stay your ground to not to become a simp, too.
so yeah, that particular gf is fake, anon is gay for thinking that is the correct set of things he 100% needs in his possible gf.
LordAlfrey@reddit
Now imagine a similar list of criteria she might have for her ideal boyfriend.
DA_40k@reddit
Small butt and thick thighs? Those are connected body parts, if one is thick the other is too and you'll god damn say thank you
sculksensor@reddit
I don't agree with most of these but i especially don't agree with the 90 IQ one. I can't fathom not being attracted to smart women
Specht100@reddit
I thought for a second that this is a woman describing herself, until I realized that 4chan and reddit users dont believe in real women.
TearOpenTheVault@reddit
Anon cares about the shit he doesnât get to pick, and doesnât care about whatâs actually important in a relationship.
stromyoloing@reddit
But gay Anon still prefers the man meat
Roadkillgoblin_2@reddit
Anon watches too much porn
drugged_up_cat@reddit
Small brown tits white credit score
altofanaltthatisalt@reddit
Anon wants a stepford wife
An8thOfFeanor@reddit
đ”you might think this girl only exists in your miiindđ”
đ”but she's real, but last week, she diedđ”
yuritnm@reddit
Anon has low standards
Statuabyss@reddit
That's a lot of words just to announce to the world you will be single for life.