[-]

Treadingresin@reddit

No. It has just changed into another partisan, and somewhat racial, divide. When i lived in big cities surrounded by the multidegree liberal upper-class it was very frowned upon. When i moved to Detroit and then a tiny country village, it was still acceptable.

I've seen a nice rise in trying to change generational styles of discipline in the black community. But conservative, especially poor, white communities still believe in spare the rod spoil the child.

[-]

thenumbersthenumbers@reddit

You’re partially right but there has CLEARLY been a generational shift with it overall.

[-]

JFei1221@reddit

This one. Just made a similar comment before reading this, but also in MI/ON. Only middle class+ liberals think it died. I know a few kids who still get spanked with belts.

[-]

EfficiencyIVPickAx@reddit

I grew up in Detroit and got beat downs from my public school teachers. If I told my mom, she would beat me too. Shitty parenting aside, you learn to fight in places like that.

[-]

bikeonychus@reddit

My dad used a bamboo cane, and used to draw it out. I don't even know what I was caned for, I just remember my dad lining us up Infront of the family like some goddamn firing squad, and screaming at us for what felt like a lifetime, while I tried to push my face into a neutral expression, but it would always grin even though I was terrified, and then the whipping.

Anyway, that's why I don't spank my kid. I'm not even speaking to my parents lately.

[-]

magsli@reddit

Our dad used his slipper which had a rigid and hard rubber sole.

[-]

ThizGuyFawkes@reddit

Damn, I had to make sure this was the Xennial sub and not one of my CPTSD subs.

My Dad sounds a lot like yours but he used a 2x4 board instead of a bamboo cane.

I'm sorry.

[-]

FormidableMistress@reddit

That's what my dad used too. He whittled a handle on it and then would tell us all the time he was going to drill holes in it to make it hurt more. It said "The Adjustment Day" on it in sharpie. He was so proud of himself and thought the name was so clever. Lol the paddle was an extension of his personality so of course it was stupid.

I can't remember what I did but he spanked me one day when I was like 12 or 13 and I just didn't react. Didn't give him the fear he craved. So he spanked me again and harder. I just looked back at him and said "Are you done now?" in my most sarcastic no fucks given tone. I heard my mom tell him "You can spank her anymore, we have to come up with something different."

[-]

ThizGuyFawkes@reddit

OMG my dad always threatened to drill holes so I would hear it whistle. He never did it though.

I'm glad you found your voice at 12. I'm still looking for mine at 43.

[-]

FormidableMistress@reddit

Anger helps. All my life they tried to find creative ways to break my spirit. Hasn't worked yet.

[-]

Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

Mine had a paddle

[-]

Jonestown_Juice@reddit

We had a paddle too. Called "The Attitude Adjuster", as if we were just the worst kids in the world. But we never got in trouble at school or anything. But they found a reason to use it.

[-]

l_ju1c3_l@reddit

We had "The Board of Education"

[-]

ThizGuyFawkes@reddit

That's genuinely a clever name but shitty nonetheless.

[-]

l_ju1c3_l@reddit

Oh no doubt. I look back and laugh on it all now. I only realize it was messed up when I tell people stories and laugh and they just look uncomfortable lol

[-]

IM_A_MUFFIN@reddit

Fuck I am so glad I’m not the only one that’s done that. Realized that my sister (who’s a year younger) and I had two completely different upbringings when I told a story and everyone looked horrified and my sister said, “I don’t remember any of that,” while I was chuckling like it was hilarious. She doesn’t remember because she wasn’t the object of my Fathers ire.

[-]

Ok_Marketing_476@reddit

Yeah, my spouse was the whipping boy in his family and it's absolutely AMAZING how no one else "remembers" but him. Assholes.

[-]

l_ju1c3_l@reddit

spare the rod spoil the child amirite?

[-]

IM_A_MUFFIN@reddit

One of my favorite superheroes/antiheroes is Ghost Rider because I’d love to have his penance stare. Would love to see those same folks feel the same level of pain, fear, and trauma that they inflicted on others.

[-]

threebeansalads@reddit

I am the oldest and my sister was born in 89. We had a convo a few months ago and I asked her if she ever remembered being spanked and she said no maybe once my mom swatted her ass. Meanwhile there me… i remember being spanked until I was 10. So she would have been 2. The laying over the lap and having my ass spanked hard! My brother and I used to practice flexing our ass cheeks as hard as we could so it would hurt whichever parent spanked us. Wild times. I’ve never spanked my kids.

[-]

SuperVillainPresiden@reddit

My grandma had a board(0.5 or 1 x 4) that had a phrase on it that said "Don't slap a child in the face, God provided a better place". And it had a small artist image of two kids bent over a fence.

[-]

Ok_Marketing_476@reddit

I buy crap like that in the thrift shops all the time for the pure pleasure of destroying them.

[-]

Electrical_Gas_517@reddit

That's just sick.

[-]

AffectionateSun5776@reddit

Ours was a 2 x 4

[-]

Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

Damn I want to make a fake one with a cool name. Seems a lot of these had rad names

[-]

l_ju1c3_l@reddit

It was nice. They had the lettered on there. You can tell they took care in the staining process. They choose looks over performance. With some holes in it I would have lost that layer of air cushion lol.

[-]

Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

My brother made one in ship class with holes just to paddle my ass with. But yeah the boomer paddles were lacquered up, smooth. Bob Vila would be proud

[-]

SteelCupcake254@reddit

We had "Law and Order."

[-]

Ragnarok314159@reddit

Mine used kitchen utensils, and when the beatings were hard enough that the utensils would break. Which was also our fault.

[-]

Jonestown_Juice@reddit

We got all sorts of household implements too, before the coming of the Attitude Adjuster. Hair brushes, belts, extension cords, shoes, clothes hangers, etc.

[-]

Baeolophus_bicolor@reddit

that was what was so weird about it. could never tell if it was gonna be a lecture til 3am that ended with “heartfelt” jesus talk, or just straight up violence.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

That was the hardiest part of being a kid. The level of punishment seemed to be based on how shitty of a day my dad had at work. There was zero logic or consistency to it.

[-]

ThizGuyFawkes@reddit

And people around me wonder why I'm jumpy when my environment is otherwise safe & peaceful.

[-]

Blonde_Vampire_1984@reddit

It’s taken me a lot of work and a definitely some therapy to work through my trauma, but I’ve made enough progress that I manage to feel safe in my own body most of the time.

It’s hard work to process your trauma and it hurts like all hell, but the results are so very worth it.

[-]

ThizGuyFawkes@reddit

I keep cycling through therapists because I feel like I'm wasting their time. Some kids are raped and starved or find their dead parent who OD'd. When I try to articulate my childhood traumas it sounds so weak in comparison.

[-]

d-wail@reddit

It’s not a ‘shitty life’ competition. Your trauma is valid, even if other people have different trauma.

[-]

Baeolophus_bicolor@reddit

weird i didnt realize xennials came between gen x and millenials. never was a successful gen xer, although i did read it when it came out. definitely not a millenial though, always thought of myself as late gen x

[-]

Chuecaslavaka@reddit

We had a yard stick. It was called, “The Magic Wand”.

[-]

oadge@reddit

I guess that was just a thing, then.

Ours was also called The Attitude Adjuster. Luckily, it was never really used. I think my mom just found the name funny, but it's honestly super fucked up.

[-]

Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

It’s like they had a special shop class just to make tools to beat us with.

[-]

Jonestown_Juice@reddit

My dad carved it but my mom wrote "Attitude Adjuster" on it with blue pen. But she misspelled it as "atitude" because my mom's a moron.

[-]

Bochepus@reddit

Whoah!!! My stepdad called it that too but he would use his hand, the flat end of a hair brush, a paddle, wooden spoon, or a tree branch.

[-]

Sweet_Deeznuts@reddit

Wooden spoon. And when that broke on my brother’s butt, wooden cutting board with a handle

[-]

unicorncholo@reddit

My mom had a wooden paddle hanging in the kitchen. She painted some flowers on it and “Be good or else…”. My dad usually just used his belt bc he always had it on him.

[-]

neckbeardsghost@reddit

My dad used his fraternity pledge paddle. He had two of them, and he broke one using it on us. Fuck that shit.

[-]

Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

Yeah my Dad’s was a frat paddle too

[-]

txc13@reddit

Probably a lot of crossover between those two subs.

[-]

sunsetandporches@reddit

Oooh maybe I need that sub. I have dreams that are the same the same almost every night and it is so exhausting. Late Dad and his hoarding have got me wound up I think.

[-]

funatical@reddit

Mine had a metal brush. I would hide it. He would make me go get it.

[-]

YinzaJagoff@reddit

I don’t speak to my mom, who was abusive as well.

I think our parents did it because their parents did it and so on, but that we’re the first generation to see it for what it is— fucked up— and have worked hard to stop the cycle.

[-]

Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

How did so many of us decide it’s weird and stupid? Maybe the over the top 80’s movie violence. Health class? Like I always just thought it was weird to have that kind of power imbalance and actually act on it. Punching down is just so weird to me. Even as a small kid I just thought what kind of miserable weirdo would do such a thing to a little ass kid.

[-]

Illtakeaquietlife@reddit

My parents did this bc they were hardcore religious and followed James Dobson's advice to the T. Don't spoil the child and spare the rod, etc. Drove a lot of people our age away from religion bc it just meant institutionalized violence mixed with unearned moral superiority.

[-]

Northern_Lights_2@reddit

The ‘I Hate James Dobson’ podcast is pretty good. That man has a lot to answer for and I hope he’s toasty warm down there.

[-]

mmm_unprocessed_fish@reddit

Seriously, fuck that guy.

[-]

ImpertinentPrincess@reddit

I think maybe so many of us waited until almost 30+ to have kids that we could actually reason with ourselves about what we wanted our kids to experience? Or we held onto “grown ups make the rules” and decided to change the script?

It’s faded over time but I still feel the rage and fear I felt towards my mom when she’d hit me or try to emotionally destabilize me and I just didn’t want that for my kid. I couldn’t even get away from my Mom in my nightmares.

But I swore I’d never smoke and never hit my kid (in anger, we roughhouse but that’s only when agreed on and either of us can tap out when we need to) and I’ve kept that promise to myself.

I did know one person who tried spanking their kid; their kid ended up having a huge increase in anger issues and emotional instability soon after that started so they stopped and they felt really guilty about it.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

I think a lot of us got married later in life and made the conscious decision with our partner to have kids. Our generation put a lot of thought into the whole process. There's a lot less resentment towards our kids or spouses and we aren't winging things based on how we were raised.

[-]

iminthemoodforlug@reddit

Probs less us just knowing better- more scientific studies, the normalization of therapy, the internet, the increased age of people having kids, access to birth control, shifting parent dynamics among genders, decrease of organized religion in everyday life, etc etc.

[-]

YinzaJagoff@reddit

I have c-ptsd and since we actually recognize this now as being a thing, that probably helps.

[-]

irishihadab33r@reddit

I explained that attitude to my kiddo. That probably otherwise normal adults still think it's "just what you do" to correct bad behavior in children, because it was done to them when they were children. But it's wrong, and they should know better. You don't hurt people you love. Especially children.

[-]

External-Film-1286@reddit

I brought home a D on my report card and my dad cornered me in the kitchen, screaming at me. He got right up in my face and punched me right in the jaw. Another time I was 7 or 8 and I had stolen some coins from him and bought some candy at the corner store. When he caught me he picked me up and threw me across the room. I remember him crawling angrily towards me like a monster out of Resident Evil or some shit. He tossed me around for about 20 minutes. I thought he was gonna kill me.

[-]

BadMantaRay@reddit

Would be hilarious to turn the tables on him now.

[-]

firesmarter@reddit

I dream of beating my father to a pulp for all the abuse he inflicted on me. It wouldn’t help me or change anything though so I just don’t talk to him

[-]

Ok-Special-2092@reddit

My wife went to school with two brothers, whose dad regularly abused them and their mom. He was a big scary guy, and his boys grew into big dudes as well, one day dad started beating on mom so they dragged him outside and beat the ever loving shit out of him. I found that incredibly satisfying.

[-]

CooterSlam3000@reddit

Going no contact with abusive parents to be stuck alone in their own miserable shittiness is the best revenge.

[-]

altiuscitiusfortius@reddit

Same. I know how easy it would be to say something to set him off, and have him hit me, and then I'd have an excuse to beat him half to death out of self defense. But that wouldn't help anyone. I just haven't talked to him in years instead

[-]

_buffy_summers@reddit

This is where I'm at with things, as well. He told me about two years ago that I should be grateful that he never murdered me for getting on his nerves when I was a child. He tells my sisters that he doesn't understand why I don't want to speak to him or see him ever again. He's stupid.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

That's my strategy, too. My father treated people like shit his entire life. His 3rd wife just left him a few months ago and I just don't care.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

A theme over on the aging parents sub is the sheer number of absentee and abusive parents who have turned into the whiniest and neediest little bitches in old age.

[-]

MovementOriented@reddit

Ha my dad

[-]

Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

Well yeah they had to “sacrifice to put a roof over your head” as if they would be camping in the wild otherwise.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

Trying to make someone feel guilty about existing is so fucking stupid and manipulative. It's not some 10 year olds fault that his mom and dad got shitfaced at a party and didn't use protection. Or kept trying to save their shitty marriage by having more kids.

[-]

Hatecookie@reddit

Literally just waiting for that fateful phone call "your dad is on hospice" to show up with my own leather belt

[-]

Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

I squared off with the old man when I was 19. I could have beaten the shit out of him if I were so inclined, but seeing the helpless look was enough. One hard shove was enough.

My kids have never once been scared of me and they never will. They have only heard a yell when there is some danger to be avoided.

[-]

ThizGuyFawkes@reddit

gif

[-]

Ok-Special-2092@reddit

I got hit, but not often, I always found the yelling worse, because it would last for hours, we’d get lined up and screamed at until they started to lose their voices. I never really understand why boomers had kids, as they really seemed to hate them.

[-]

Gonna_do_this_again@reddit

I had a buddy growing up who's dad made his kids make their own paddles that their dad would beat them with.

[-]

Abject_Elevator5461@reddit

To this day, my father doesn’t understand why none of his children talk to him. Like it hasn’t occurred to him that maybe terrorizing all of us when we were children wasn’t the best way to go.

[-]

MovementOriented@reddit

That sounds so familiar lol I’m convinced it was a form of therapy for boomers to terrorize and beat their kids. Letting off steam

[-]

that1tech@reddit

Had a similar situation but it was a belt. Worst part was the threat of it happening. That could drag on for hours.

My parents as a joke once at a craft fair had a ruler made with kids faces that listed my siblings and me with the words “Dad’s Booty Buster “. My parents thought it was hilarious.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

The humiliation aspect is the worst part of corporal punishment.

[-]

that1tech@reddit

I remember crying and begging not to be hit. Once I cried so much I once threw up and I got hit for throwing up and made to clean it up. Once I started getting bigger than my Dad they stopped. Yet, I don’t think I could have ever bet him in a fight the old marine was tough until diabetes took his sight and mind leaving him a husk.

[-]

_buffy_summers@reddit

My father used a belt, too. My mother once grabbed me by my ears and slammed me into a wall. They both have serious heart problems now. I said that was poetic.

[-]

makestuff24-7@reddit

My mom used a wooden spoon with a hole in it. Our dad made us kneel on gravel from the driveway. I've never spanked my (adult) daughter.

[-]

Wise_Coffee@reddit

Wooden spoon here too. There is an old home video of my mom chasing my brother around the yard with the spoon and giving him such a whooping the spoon broke

[-]

Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

My Mom tried the spoon once but after years of Dads frat paddle we couldn’t even pretend the spoon was going to make a dent in that ass.

But at the same time, that my Mom was pissed enough to try and sprinkle in some cuss words on top of it, we actually did something bad.

[-]

ILikeBumblebees@reddit

Was your dad a Singaporean corrections officer?

[-]

TollyVonTheDruth@reddit

Damn. I'm sorry to hear that. Did anyone in the group do something wrong? Apparently, you were in the dark about what you did, if you did anything wrong at all. No child deserves a punishment of that magnitude. That sounds more like a sadistic powertrip than some kind if disciplinary correction. Again, I'm sorry you endured such torture.

[-]

Hello_Hangnail@reddit

We got a fly swatter. It wasn't quite the belt but it hurt like mad

[-]

bridymurphy@reddit

My mom was angry at something my older brothers did. She knew it was one of them. My brothers wouldn’t fess up. She lined us up and we all got the wooden spoon.

I was 3.

[-]

riverguava@reddit

Dear heart, i'm so sorry you went through this.

Thank you for not continuing it.

[-]

Jane__Delawney@reddit

Can’t continue it if you’re too poor to have kids. That said, I’m too poor to have kids and I’d never hit them. I was spanked and hit…nobody wins

[-]

StopClockerman@reddit

When we become adults, we should be allowed to apply the same corporal punishment on them that they did on us when we were kids.

We’re stronger than them now anyway. What are they going to do, run away? We’re also faster.

[-]

brainvheart143@reddit

Damn. That sounds traumatizing- that’s an extra evil way to do that. It sounds like you’re breaking the teams though so great job!

[-]

Matt_Benson@reddit

Spanking was going out of style until James "Dare to Discipline" Dobson convinced parents in the eighties that their kids would grow up to be juvenile delinquents if they weren't physically beaten with a belt.

"Spare the rod, spoil the child" was a phrase that was tossed around a lot.

Anyway, twenty years later, people figured out that was bullshit, and so corporal punishment mostly came to an end. We're better off this way.

Sidenote: Dobson died last year. If there's any justice in the world, he's picking out a switch in hell right now.

[-]

TheBSQ@reddit

You got the timeline slightly wrong.

Spanking was falling out of favor in the post-war era (when Boomers were kids) & James Dobson thought this “softness” on Boomers led them to grow up to be spoiled & entitled, and it was this entitlement that was fueling the social unrest of the late 1960s (women’s lib, war on poverty, anti-war, etc.)

Dobson first published “Dare to Discipline” in 1970 as a response to those “entitled drug-using hippies” causing problems.

That coincides with the general backlash to the social unrest of the 1960s & the rise of a new Christian right & the evangelical movement that we saw first take roots under Nixon, but really blossom under Reagan.

But, for those not under the spell of the evangelical movement, spanking had long-been out of favor by then. But it did see a resurgence in those “Christian right” conservative family values circles in the 70s & 80s. But, in secular USA, it was seen as bad.

There’s always exceptions, especially in lower income & working class households where, for whatever reasons, it tends to be more prevalent.

Heck, there’s lots of “la chancla” jokes on Reddit about Hispanic moms hitting kids with flip-flops & it’s still prettt common in many low income neighborhoods to hear parents talking about how a kid needs their ass whooped.

[-]

Matt_Benson@reddit

Entirely possible. My parents were aggressively evangelical in the eighties. I can't speak to what happened earlier than that

[-]

DarkElla30@reddit

Even Dobson recommended stopping the beatings in the preteen years. My parents thought it worked so well they kept it going after we moved out of the house. If you grow up with it, it's hard to look at a furious stepdad holding a 4" wide seasoned oak spanking cudgel and tell him "no" when "no" was never EVER to be uttered to an adult.

Lots of therapy since then. Whatever Dobson's intentions, abusers everywhere loved his teachings. It justified everything, and they never listened to his advice to have a cool down period (for the one striking) BEFORE the spanking, or how forcefully to apply the beating, or how many strikes to apply. Nope, they just gave themselves free reign. It was never about adding structure, stability, order, or accountability for the child.

"This is because I care about you" "this hurts me more than it hurts you" "if I didn't love you i wouldn't discipline you at all". Good riddance.

[-]

Okra-Tomatoes@reddit

Dobson wrote a follow up book in which he described beating his small dog with a belt. What a psycho.

[-]

elliemff@reddit

The good old Strong Willed Child. My mother tells a delightful tale of receiving the book at her baby shower with my oldest sibling, but not having to even open that till I came along. 🙄

May all of Dobson’s teachings rot along with his corpse.

[-]

FeistyNobody07@reddit

Omg my parents absolutely love to laugh about how I was strong willed from birth because I was a breech C-section and the doctor told them that when they tried to suction me or something a couple hours after birth, I pushed the tube away. They told that story all the time when I was growing up and I started to question it when I learned enough about babies to know it's pretty much impossible for a newborn to make purposefully movements like that, but regardless, that has been the basis of their opinion of and attitude toward me ever since. I'm the oldest and was and am always the problem because I express my thoughts and opinions freely (also problematic for them because I'm female and women are supposed to be "quiet and submissive"). It took me way too many years to realize that I am not the problem, theories like Dobson's are, and my emotionally immature parents were very easily influenced by him.

[-]

Okra-Tomatoes@reddit

Imagine attributing ill will to a literal infant.

[-]

FeistyNobody07@reddit

Exactly - they had the audacity to give me a copy of that trash when I was pregnant with my oldest 20 years ago and when he was born my dad would claim that he cried because he was a "little heathen," who wanted to control me and my spouse, completely dismissing the fact that crying is the only verbalization infants are capable of and therefore their main way of communicating when they have a need. It's very messed up and sick to say the least.

[-]

kitikonti@reddit

I would've thrown them outta my house like the lord threw tax collectors outta the temple, fuck that shite. They can keep their god to themselves.

[-]

dorky2@reddit

It was the money changers the Lord threw out of the temple, but yes I agree.

[-]

kitikonti@reddit

Whoops, knew it involved money

[-]

linzava@reddit

Mine accused me of biting her on purpose when I was breastfeeding, complete with a whole story of seeing the “plotting in my eyes” and the lesson learned with corporal punishment. These parents are emotional children who never matured past their magical thinking phase. Where they attributed baby behavior to their dolls as kids, they attributed adult behavior to their babies as adults. Unfortunately, it was unlikely they made mom friends who could share good information because of how unlikable they were to other people.

[-]

Here-Fishy-Fish-Fish@reddit

My family of origin is mostly sweet and kind, but as I'm parenting my own preschooler, something that's bothering me is remembering so many older family members calling me manipulative or attributing bad motives to me. With my own son (who does like to bargain, comes by it naturally!) I check basic HALT (is he hungry, angry, lonely, or tired) first before attributing malice. I think there's a classic Protestant "assume the child is sinful" that really affected a lot of us negatively.

[-]

stefanica@reddit

I'm guessing she didn't throw the book out after flipping through it. 😔

My dad got Focus on the Family magazines, which I would read and decide I was a pretty sorry excuse of a human being. I read everything back then, and he didn't really have books at his house.

We also listened to Christian radio including the Dobsons' shows, ugh. Although I enjoyed the radio plays they had of CS Lewis and another writer (Pirelli? Piretti?).

[-]

kdegraaf@reddit

Frank Peretti.

[-]

fubo@reddit

Remember, if your pastor is accused of sexual abuse, it must be the local New Agers and psychologists conspiring to silence the only man who knows they're in league with demons. (Actual plot point from Peretti's This Present Darkness.)

[-]

stefanica@reddit

That's it! The stories were pretty decent, at least to a 10 yo.

[-]

Baked_Potato_732@reddit

Frank Peretti.

[-]

ipsumdeiamoamasamat@reddit

Male version of Kristi Noem, eh? Fuck that guy.

[-]

Matt_Benson@reddit

My parents' version of the 'birds and bees' talk was giving me Dobson's book on adolescence.

It wasn't great.

[-]

missus_pteranodon@reddit

“Warning: changes ahead” 😂😂😂

[-]

FeistyNobody07@reddit

We had to listen to the tapes of Dobson narrating it while our dad drove us around. The way he pronounced "puberty" as "pooberty" stuck with me more than anything else, but it was pure torture, especially since my dad understands very little about female bodies and I was having to listen to Dobson talk about periods, which I had already been having for almost four years by the time we listened to the tapes.

[-]

Objective-Dust4795@reddit

That was more than the awkward “wanting to do things as I get older” with my emotionally stunted father. His advice, don’t do it. Newsflash, that did not in fact work.

[-]

Turdfurgeso@reddit

There’s no justice

[-]

Bajadasaurus@reddit

James Dobson is directly responsible for the beltings and beatings I received. I'm a girl, I'm quiet and shy and my favorite childhood activity was reading alone in my bedroom or outside in a tree. My favorite part of life was god and my faith. I was terrified of doing anything wrong and always obeyed my parents, even if I hated certain things they forced me to do.

But James fucking Dobson had my dad absolutely convinced I was a belligerent, disrespectful, rebellious, obnoxious, drug-craving, devious child who wanted nothing more than to subvert my parents' will while mocking my dad and god himself. I was stripped to my bare ass and beaten for "giving rebellious attitude", "being obstinate", or "disrespectful looks". Violently punished for perceived slights.

Looking back it's insane. I wish I'd known my treatment would've been exactly the same whether I cared to be an obedient kid who never took risks or not.

[-]

MovementOriented@reddit

I relate and connect so much to your experience. My dad is repentant in his old age, he tried to explain his understanding of what caused him to do those things, he doesn’t really understand it but seems to think that he was projecting the worst things he thought about himself as a kid onto me. So sorry for what they did and so sorry you had to live through that. My experience was extremely damaging to my psyche in ways that I’m still just now realizing and I feel like I’m just starting to work through in my 30s. I despise Christianity but I love God and Jesus still.

[-]

Blonde_Vampire_1984@reddit

I eventually got to a point where I did the things I wanted to anyway. If they were going to punish me anyway, I might as well make it worth their time.

My rebellion was very tame. I was a fundamentally good kid. Most dangerous thing I ever did was sneak out of the house late at night and go skinny dipping in the South Fork River. Alone.

[-]

Baked_Potato_732@reddit

Absolute psychopath over here folks. /s

[-]

Baked_Potato_732@reddit

I got the “you’re screwing up your life” speech. Which as an honor roll student who never snuck out, smoked, or drank or did anything “bad” was confusing to me. Especially coming from a highschool dropout who had to join the military to support his first wife and kid.

But, compared to his father, he was a ray of sunshine. His doctor also put him on anxiety meds when he was like 60 which he probably should have been on his whole life. Those mellowed him out a lot.

[-]

Z0na@reddit

I'm a girl, I'm quiet and shy and my favorite childhood activity was reading alone in my bedroom or outside in a tree.

Sounds like my daughter. I can't imagine imagine treating her like that. I spanked her once as a toddler when I let my frustration overcome me and the look on her face still haunts me.

[-]

FeistyNobody07@reddit

So relatable. I'm so sorry.

[-]

Matt_Benson@reddit

I'm sorry that happened to you. You're not the only one.

[-]

thelaceserpent@reddit

My mom had a paddle with proverbs 22:15 carved into it, which I took as an adult to have as a keepsake. I then looked the proverb up online to be reminded of the quote, and the translation I’ve come to be really fond of is “folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away”. It’s almost like God wants you to break your child like you’d break in a horse.

[-]

fubo@reddit

It’s almost like God wants you to break your child like you’d break in a horse.

To Train Up A Child gained notoriety after methods recommended in the book were found to have contributed to several high-profile cases of child death.

[-]

kitikonti@reddit

I'm speechless. My parents were born in the 20s and 30s, they never used physical discipline, neither did their parents. Just a level of cruelty I'll never understand. That proverb is evil

[-]

OGLikeablefellow@reddit

It was an extinction burst of the practice. I hope that's also what's happening with racism in America currently

[-]

FunTXCPA@reddit

"Mostly came to an end" meanwhile my local school district still uses it as a form of punishment.

[-]

v-irtual@reddit

35 years later, I still have a scar on my inner thigh where a belt buckle caught me.

[-]

YEMBOTT@reddit

gif

[-]

AshDogBucket@reddit

It would be great if what you were saying were true, but it sadly isn't. Go to any church library in the country, especially the Evangelical ones, and you will find Dobson's material is still quite popular. And if not his, then the second and third generation who followed him and used him as source material.

When I was writing my thesis on child abuse I was using books that were written in the last 10 years that were absolutely horrifying. Spanking was the tip of the iceberg.

I am really glad for you that you live in a world where it looks like corporal punishment has come to an end. I hope that someday the rest of the world catches up with you. But for now, it is still quite common in Christian settings, Evangelical in particular.

[-]

Matt_Benson@reddit

I added the word mostly to my comment because in the back of my head I was thinking that evangelicals- which I used to be- are probably still doing this shit.

[-]

AshDogBucket@reddit

Yeah, unfortunately there's still a lot of them doing this.

In my research I also found - SURPRISE! - the reach of Dobson isn't limited to evangelical Christian communities. His books can be found in progressive church libraries across the country as well.

[-]

bookofthoth_za@reddit

Fucking lead poisoned boomers hey. They were also so aggro compared to later generations.

[-]

jikt@reddit

wait, these are all shit sandwiches?

[-]

Reasonable-Wave8093@reddit

🏏

[-]

big_ringer@reddit

At this moment thousands of parents are wondering why their kids don't call.

[-]

Mudcreek47@reddit

I don't ever remember being spanked by my dad but I remember having the literal shit beat out of me by my mom.

She's use whatever was on hand: switches, small tree limbs, her hand, and once (which left terrible whelts and bruises) a vacuum cleaner electrical cord.

[-]

Ok_Marketing_476@reddit

We were kind of transitional. When the kid was in early elementary, I did swat their clothed backside with a bare hand for breaking safety rules. (Better a swatted backside than run over by a car for running in the street, you know?)
I didn't like it in the first place and then the kid started making up protest songs to sing in time out.
By that point I had some better parenting references and guidance than what I grew up with and just stopped. Made plenty of other mistakes, but they're grown and still seem to like me, so I call it a win.

[-]

oscarbutnotthegrouch@reddit

I have seen 2 kids hit in public by parents in the past few months.

It's definitely out of style but I bet it happens more in homes than we think.

I live in a fairly well off and educated area.

[-]

Fluid_Change_9647@reddit

Man I hope so. My parents slapped me and my sister and hit us with belts. Both of us joined the military as soon as we could to get away from them and they still act like the victims because we’re pretty much no contact with them now. I refuse to hit my son and he’s in so much better shape than I was at his age with his mental health and self esteem. Don’t hit your kids

[-]

_shaftpunk@reddit

I’ve seen parents spank their kids in our store as recently as last week.

[-]

goddamn_leeteracola@reddit

Boomers really are the shittiest generation.

[-]

JurisUrsus@reddit

I hope so.

[-]

vasectomy7@reddit

I'm struggling to see a difference between "spanking" and domestic violence.

Striking a family member because you're displeased with their behavior...

gif

[-]

lowercasenameofmine@reddit

A lot of our parents weren't taught how to deal with emotions much less express them or talk about them.

So they hit instead and often used fear to rule instead.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

Many also didn't want to be married or have children in the first place. It's just what they were expected to do because of age or an accidental pregnancy. It breeds a lot of anger and resentment.

[-]

lowercasenameofmine@reddit

They also HAD to marry to be "independent" or yeah, how they were raised, heavily indoctrinated by religion, and society judged them.

Before the 1970s women weren't allowed to:

own their own property;
have their own bank accounts,
or their own credit.

They had to have a man co-sign.

They were forcibly made to be dependent on men to survive in one way or another. They had no reasonable choice.

Especially given they were only allowed certain types of jobs and even there It was common and expected for them to be harassed.

[-]

ray_don_simpson@reddit

All I learned from getting spanked was that it is how you deal with be angry with someone smaller than you. My parents hit me, then I hit my younger siblings, which earned me another spanking, because as my mother shouted on each swing: WE 👏DO 👏NOT👏 HIT👏 IN 👏THIS 👏HOUSE👏

[-]

emseefely@reddit

Just wow.

[-]

Block444Universe@reddit

Fantastic example set

[-]

lowercasenameofmine@reddit

The absolute lack of self awareness is what would have broken me

[-]

Horse_Fly24@reddit

I genuinely hope so!!!

I spanked my son when he was little, but decided it was stupid when I realized I was spanking him daily for doing the same things: clearly he wasn’t learning not to do those things, so spanking was pointless.

Someone recommended the book 1 2 3 Magic which I HIGHLY recommend!

[-]

Inspi@reddit

Another discussion where there is major confusion between an open palm swat on the butt and full on abuse/torture with belts, switches, canes, whatever else.

A confusion between a punishment for major offense, and parents that just get off on beating their kids.

A confusion between a slightly pink mark from a swat, and deep bruising or broken skin.

[-]

lowercasenameofmine@reddit

What does a "swat" on the butt teach? What does it emulate? Especially because it's typically happening when you're very young.

[-]

Inspi@reddit

It means "stop putting your finger in the outlet, it will hurt" or "I told you 100x to not play with matches".

It does not mean "I told you to sit quietly and you didn't."

It can teach kids that there can be serious consequences for their actions. You can't just get away with anything and only expect a time out as a result, or a stern talking to.

When they get older, they will think they can do anything without serious consequence. They will think they can mouth off and push the bully's buttons endlessly and not expect to get hit. They can use all the aggression they want in sports and not expect retaliation.

Like many here, I was spanked, but it was the last resort, nothing else is getting through my stubborn head, and whatever I was doing was potentially dangerous. I also only needed to be spanked once for each offense, didn't try that crap again because the spanking meant something serious and some real consequences. Open palm, one or two whacks, not hard enough to do damage, just enough to get my full attention. Once was for the outlet thing, and it was definitely infinitely better than if I had been zapped, far less dangerous, far less painful, and I got the message.

[-]

lowercasenameofmine@reddit

You can't just get away with anything and only expect a time out as a result, or a stern talking to.

That's the three choices you were shown to explain to you and emulate?

Hitting *Time out

Neither which explains why what you did was dangerous or a better way to do things..

And the third

Stern talking to

Still doesn't seem to do that either.

I mean, being hit was the quickest it sounds like.

and I got the message.

That if you stuck a fork in an outlet you'd be hurt somehow one way or another?

[-]

BloodyRightNostril@reddit

I grew up in Catholic school at the tail end of corporal punishment. I watched kids get spanked by the teacher. Seems unthinkable now, but I remember watching it in kindergarten.

My parents also spanked us liberally. My mom stopped once we started laughing in the middle of it.

On an unrelated note, I no longer speak to either of my parents.

[-]

jeffwhit@reddit

I sure hope so. I would never dream of it, and though my relationship with my parents is fine, there's definitely some trauma from that practice, especially since a lot of my issues that lead to punishment turned out to be ADHD and not "you must be on drugs."

[-]

liplander@reddit

Just had a big talk with my kids about them behaving and being nice to each other, etc. Then it honestly dawned on me that my parents rarely or never sat me down to explain the why. I was just scared of my parents so I listened, I would try to run away from the spankings and they would always catch me. I distinctly remember spilling milk at the table and the feeling of terror as I bolted from the table and my mom right after me, grabbed my ankle and dragged me back down the stairs to beat my ass. My dad just scared the shit outta me as a Vietnam vet who had the 1000 yard stare most of the time, at least he only hit me a few times.

Caught her hand as a teenager and stared her in the eyes and said if you hit me I’m going to hit you. It stopped and our relationship has been “fine”. I keep in contact enough for my kids to know their grandma, but I will never raise them the way they did to me.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

My Dad was the same way. When he came home from work, we knew to go hide until we figured out whether he was in a bad mood or not. Most of the time, he was just looking to completely lose his shit and offload on the first person he saw.

[-]

vespanewbie@reddit

Yeah, also what you learn as a kid is being a perfectionist and being highly anxious. You essentially learn that you're not allowed to make mistakes and if you make a mistake you'll be severely physically punished.

That's so sad looking back as a kid to realize I wasn't allowed mistakes, no wonder why I have such anxiety as an adult.

[-]

heavyLevy5@reddit

It’s slowly dying out but I have still seen people hit their kids.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

Whenever this subject comes up, people seem to come out of the woodwork to justify hitting their kids. They're definitely out there.

[-]

H3adshotfox77@reddit

I lightly spanked my kids until around 5 or so. Justified or not, I have 3 well functioning adults who I've spoken to about this and none of them even remember it in a negative way.

But then again I wasn't out there using belts and having my kids pick their own switch, light smack on the butt through clothes when they did something like biting their brother.

[-]

ShillinTheVillain@reddit

I'd be lying if I said I've never been in Target or a restaurant and thought "somebody needs to smack that kid."

But, don't do it.

[-]

brockhopper@reddit

Two of my subordinates are both open and proud of spanking their kids. One of them is 4 years younger than me, the other one is 15 years younger than me. I tell them I haven't and my kid turned out pretty damn good.

[-]

ExpiredHotdog@reddit

I think the difference now is that every decade, more parents have a better understanding of child rearing so those who use spanking these days are more likely to be the type who either don't learn or don't care to do the work.

[-]

AmputeeHandModel@reddit

There's still tons of people out there complaining kids have no respect and other BS and it's because people don't hit their kids. I'm sure they're not all boomers so there must still be conservative people out there beating their kids.

[-]

ExpiredHotdog@reddit

Yeah, the ones who either don't learn or don't care to do the work.

[-]

Sapengel@reddit

I'm gen X and I still see a lot of my husband's peers talking about how they were spanked and turned out fine, and how they are glad their parents disciplined them because it gave them respect, etc. etc. etc.....I don't think it's completely died out yet.

[-]

goofytigre@reddit

Corporal punishment/spanking in schools is still legal in more than 20 states. I don't think it's going to completely die out...well, ever. But I think our generation and the younger millennials are make good headway to making it a much less common practice.

My wife and I chose not to have kids, but my brother and sisters did, and none of them spank their kids.

[-]

AmputeeHandModel@reddit

Yeah they always say that, "I got beat and I turned out fine". No, you didn't; you advocate for violence against children. No one's saying don't discipline kids, just don't frickin physically abuse them. Pediatricians and psychiatrists say it doesn't work, but these boomers think they know better.

[-]

Honest_Tutor1451@reddit

Yeah the god fearing “alpha males” out there beating the shit out of their kids.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

People today also tend to be parents because they wanted to get married and have children. There are a lot less accidental pregnancies and less pressure to get married young. It was a lot different for the boomers and older Gen X.

We also live in our own bubbles where educated and secular parents don't hit their kids.

[-]

ExpiredHotdog@reddit

That's a good point. People aren't nearly as socialized as they've been in previous generations to see parenthood as an imperative. I've noticed a stronger push back in that direction lately. I dont know if that's an actual trend or just a vocal minority though.

[-]

bookofthoth_za@reddit

A lot different? How can one beat their child and still love them? I would never ever think of beating my child, no matter what they did. How could any parents be so cold as to hit their kids with things? Truly barbaric parenting.

[-]

Okra-Tomatoes@reddit

It's still common in fundamentalist religious circles, they're just quieter about it.

[-]

CubesFan@reddit

The physical violence fell off pretty dramatically with our generation. It's not actually a good way to get kids or animals to do what you want them to do. I never spanked my kids, but I had a dog that I smacked about 2 or 3 times when he was peeing/pooping on the floor and suddenly it dawned on me that it wasn't any different than hitting a kid for the same thing. It made me feel sick and I haven't physically punished any animal since. I was literally just doing what I had been taught and I still feel guilty about not realizing how stupid it was to emulate the idiots who raised me.

[-]

shebreathes@reddit

Bare-assed, double handed, bent over the knee spankings. More than I can count. On top of the verbal and emotional abuse, too, which hurt even more.

My youngest sister was born 11 years after me and guess how many spankings she got? None. (though I'm positive my parents just substituted it for more "invisible" abuse)

[-]

ex_gratia_@reddit

Big reason why I never had kids. Don't want to mess them up like happened to me.

[-]

Obvious-Dinner-5695@reddit

My parents never touched me.

[-]

zt3777693@reddit

I grew up with an Italian mom in Brooklyn

The wooden spoon was the tool of choice in the 80’s

[-]

YEMolly@reddit

Damn. I realize I had it easy compared to some of you. I wasn’t really spanked (other than a rare slap to the thigh with my mom’s hand), but I think that’s largely due to the fact my mom was a social worker who worked with severely abused children.

[-]

YEMolly@reddit

Damn. I realize I had it easy compared to some of you. I wasn’t really spanked (other than a rare slap to the thigh with my mom’s hand), but I think that’s largely due to the fact my mom was a social worker who worked with severely abused children.

[-]

phalangepatella@reddit

I never got spanked, but I was absolutely terrified of getting one. Just a mention of it smartened me up as a kid.

[-]

_keyboard-bastard_@reddit

Spanking was never effective, ever. Kids are too resilient for a smack on the ass to mean anything. I can go out and break the rules all day, and the only thing thats going to happen is a paddling? I was hopping trains and jumping off bridges with my friends when I was like 11 years old. Getting spanked never stopped anything,.

[-]

Wuunderschon@reddit

Last time I was hit by my mother I was 25. That was the last time she did because I fought back. My childhood was lonely and being afraid of unstable adults. Now she wonders why I am independent and don't rely on anyone. Well, if I had had kids, I would NEVER harm them.

[-]

Grouchy-Wedding-9862@reddit

I had a good childhood but I was still spanked. My mom would slap too but it was always when I did something wrong which as a class clown was a lot (not at all justifying it). The last time my mom slapped me I was about 25 also. I remember seeing red and my brother grabbed me before I hit her back. The very though that I was a 25 year old well traveled woman that she felt she could slap because she didnt like something I said just was not going to happen. I made it clear she better never lay a hand on me again.

[-]

PezCandyAndy@reddit

My mother would never spank us. I think she didn't want to hurt her hands either. So she used wooden cooking utensils on my sister and I. We had a very large wide mouth spoon that was her favorite. I remember one time she hit me so hard it broke and all I could do was laugh. Unfortunately she had a large assortment of others that hit just as hard.

[-]

Ok_Plenty7059@reddit

I really think it's a generational issue: I was born in Italy in the 1970s, and it was extremely common to physically punish children, not just in conservative, low-income, and poorly educated religious families. My mother spanked me many times (sometimes with the old-fashioned ritual of lying facedown on her lap), and she's a person with a college degree who isn't particularly religious. My classmates were routinely spanked at home, regardless of their parents' income. Today, I think it's absurd to physically punish children, and I don't do it with my daughter, and I understand it's not practiced by the families of her classmates either. So yes, I definitely think the practice will gradually become more and more marginal.

[-]

Kiethblacklion@reddit

I have open-handed popped my boys on the butt on more than one occasion. I treated it as more of a last resort, after trying other escalating punishments, or if they did something very dangerous when they were little, like running across a busy parking lot.

Making my son watch as I put his toys in a garbage bag was much more effective than spanking him. And no, I didn't actually throw the toys away, but at the time he didn't know that.

[-]

ponchoacademy@reddit

At least in my family, my cousin's in my generation spank their kids. And I've heard people my age firmly believe it's the way the discipline, that's what they're parents did to them and it kept them in line so they do it with their kids too.

And people would make little comments that I do gentle parenting and how my kid isn't going to respect me cause I've never spanked him, only twice while he was growing up did I even raise my voice at him (one I remember, he was trying to pry off a child proof electrical cover I freaked and yelled at him to stop, the other I don't remember but he does. He doesn't remember the reason tho). But yeah I don't believe in physical or verbal violence as discipline.

And also, I feel absolutely way less people in our gen are into corporal punishment than older gens. I don't think it died with us cause too many still do it. But it's a start....

[-]

TheBSQ@reddit

Anecdotally, I’ve noticed this as something that differentiates me and my xennial friends from my younger wife and her millennial friends. It really feels like something that went way down in the early 1980s, where Xennials caught the tail end of it while millennials came after the real push to stop hitting kids.

Or, think of how the paddle boards in Dazed & Confused (set in 1976) seem era-appropriate, but would seem really anachronistic if they showed that in Strangers Things.

I think cultural attitudes about corporal punishment really did change a lot between the mid 70s & the mid 80s.

[-]

boogs34@reddit

That’s why kids are so awful now a days. Parents want to befriend their children instead of parenting.

[-]

Initial_Entrance9548@reddit

Elementary teacher here. Lack of spanking isn't the issue.

Parents don't let their kids struggle. Kid has a problem so the parent fixes it. No problem solving skills develop.
Kids who do make mistakes are punished instead of corrected.
Parents want their kids to be the best. So practice (sports, dance, extra tutoring) is more important than bedtime, family meal time, good food habits, unstructured playtime.
Everything is structured and scheduled. There's no, "Be bored or find something to do." Kids need to be bored. They need to use their imagination and have unstructured play time.

[-]

Web-Dude@reddit

Everything you're saying is solid, but you're missing some import things that parents are struggling with, and it seems that everyone who has an accurate view of this seems to just ignore (or gloss over) the hard parts.

Namely:

You can tell a toddler to not hit her baby brother with a toy. You can explain it, you can take the toy away, you can demonstrate replacement behavior, you can put her in time out, you can shower the baby brother with attention, praise her good behavior, etc, etc, She will say, "sorry" and hug her baby brother.

And then promptly hit him again.

All of the excellent points you make are truth, but they just don't apply here.

Parent's are given the tools for handling these situations, but everyone pretends they are. It always lands on, "well, talk to you pediatrician" who has exactly zero to offer beyond anything above.

What then?

Seriously, WHAT THEN?

[-]

Initial_Entrance9548@reddit

When it comes to toddlers, honestly, it's continual rinse and repeat. I have a degree in early childhood education, but I learned so much about actual parenting from r/toddler. It's not an answer anyone likes, but it will eventually sink in if your child is neurotypical. For hitting - you just keep giving reminders. When mine (now 4) went through the hitting phase, it was constant, and then it wasn't. One thing about timeout - it only lasted 2-3 minutes but I talked to them the whole time - hitting hurts, use your hands for nice things, and then when it was over, I asked them why they were in timeout and I made them tell me what choice they should have made.

If your child is not neurotypical, going to take a lot more and repeatedly talking to the doctor. Until the doctor finally realizes that it's more than a typical toddler phase.

[-]

Web-Dude@reddit

I appreciate you going deeper with this. Honestly, I do. But I feel like the standard theoretical answer here, once again, glosses over practical reality... "It will eventually sink in" doesn't help when another child is being injured. Or when they're continually running into traffic or running away in crowds, or my personal favorite, running towards the neighbor's swimming pool whenever she can.

I feel like the modern understanding of children has no real answer for these situations.

[-]

Initial_Entrance9548@reddit

But it didn't really work in the old days either. You give your kid a normal spanking and it doesn't actually stop their behavior. You give your kid a beating and it may help but you'll get arrested.

If your kid is a runner, then you need to invest in a good "harness" aka leash. That will help curb the behavior in general because they won't want to wear a leash in the yard.

It's like at the grocery store. Your kid doesn't want to sit in the cart. So you say I'll let you walk with me as long as you stay close to me. After that you go in the cart. It took two visits before my kid realized that I was serious. LO will still wander a bit, but when I say you're getting too far I need you to come back, they do because they will do anything to avoid getting back in that cart.

[-]

psilosophist@reddit

Kids are awful because their parents aren't beating them enough?

Your flair says "1983" but your mentality reads more "1883".

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

And all of us here were teenagers in the 1990s.

In terms of juvenile delinquency statistics that was the absolute peak. We were the fucked up generation.

[-]

psilosophist@reddit

Seriously, my friend who got spanked plenty as a kid had a few years of blowing up mailboxes with homemade pipe bombs. He's progressed far past that and is a wonderful father and teacher, but still, we were fucked up back then.

[-]

TimeTravelingPie@reddit

Or you know, find healthier ways to deal with problems.

I've spanked my Kids and not only did I feel like a piece of shit, but it effectively did nothing to resolve the underlying issues.

There is a reason we are moving away from it.

[-]

publichealthhuman@reddit

I spanked my son once, 8 years ago now, and I still cry when I think about it. It feels awful. I’ve done a lot of therapy now to deal with my own childhood trauma and it’s made me a much better parent.

[-]

twelveoverten@reddit

No, that’s not why in the slightest. Hitting kids makes them worse. It’s been a generally accepted tenet of childhood development for years.

Nice try, though. Hope you don’t have any.

[-]

casdoodle527@reddit

So hitting equates to good kids? I have well behaved children and have never hit them. You can be a good parent and discipline without corporal punishment. Hitting a child but then telling them to not hit others is oxymoronic. And yes I was hit as a child and my husband was too.

[-]

legsjohnson@reddit

gif

[-]

SailorCredible@reddit

My spanking got replaced with slapping on the face as I got older🙂 My parents were not safe people to approach for, well, anything😁

[-]

JayRoo83@reddit

I somehow got tackled by both parents in separate incidents

[-]

AerwynFlynn@reddit

Same. Somehow it was more humiliating.

Also, when I was still getting spankings in was bare assed, so that’s saying something.

[-]

forest_elemental@reddit

Same here; my childhood was not loving or safe. Spanked, hit with a belt and wooden spoon, then slapped regularly once I was too big to hold down. One day I slapped back and told my mother she taught me to do that, I was 18 and she threatened to press charges because I split her lip. It’s the first and last time I ever hit anyone. She never hit me again though. She wonders why I went no contact 20 years ago!

[-]

Jonestown_Juice@reddit

I got slapped in the face too if I looked at my mother with anything other than a neutral expression.

[-]

damagetwig@reddit

Same. And if I held my hands up to block her, I was trying to hit her and that was horrible. The fact that she was trying to slap me was immaterial.

[-]

jer1303@reddit

Mom had a wooden spoon.

I didn't.

[-]

monkey7247@reddit

I spanked my kids some when they were very young, but quickly realized it wasn’t the type of parent I wanted to be. There are better ways to change behaviors that don’t inflict violence on a loved one.

[-]

amyldoanitrite@reddit

This.

My wife and I spanked our kids, especially our son. We stopped when we realized it wasn’t doing anything to stop his bad behaviors, but was just making him more prone to be physically aggressive himself. We both majorly regret doing it to begin with.

My wife and I were both spanked as first-line punishment when we were kids. It’s hard being a parent and not reverting to what you knew from your own childhood. Especially in times of heightened emotion when your kids are misbehaving really badly.

[-]

sunsetandporches@reddit

I am pretty sure this is the complex ptsd part. The reverting to what we know. What we know has been scared upon our souls. I had a belt and a plastic spatula spoon. And knew how to run to the bathroom and open a drawer so that even if unlocked wouldn’t open. I would plan escapes out of the window. I yell. I begin to repair when I yell. I tell her I am wrong and try to be better than my parents were.

[-]

Lothy-of-the-North@reddit

I spanked my son a few times until one time when he was about three when he did something wrong and shrank away from me in fear. It broke me. I never spanked him again and I never spanked my daughter. Hell I even stopped yelling eventually. Something that happened to me constantly as a kid. I have a healthy relationship now with both my college age kids, way healthier than I ever did with my parents.

[-]

DPTDubbs@reddit

God that feeling when they cry in fear from you. My dad would always justify the spanking by saying “this hurts me more than it hurts you”. I said that once and realized all I was doing was hurting my family. That was the turning point for me.

[-]

SwampDweller01@reddit

This is exactly how I got my husband to stop spanking. Every time my son cowered in fear or start shrieking don’t spank me daddy! I would point it out to my husband. I was so glad when it clicked.

[-]

SkyExcellent6848@reddit

My perspective on it as well, and I think spanking teaches that violence is not only acceptable behavior as an adult, but to be expected when someone is disrespectful.

[-]

Jolly-Bowler-811@reddit

That's the rub though, isn't it?

I'm not going to sit here and defend spanking, but I've seen WAY too many kids (teens / twentysomethings) that can't believe they just got hit in the mouth (or worse) for something they did or said. It's as if they never considered that someone might actually do that.

Society as a whole is trending toward less violence, but having an understanding that violence is absolutely still on the table with the right person is kind of an important thing to learn when the stakes are low.

Hope that makes sense.

[-]

mnemonicmonkey@reddit

I like to think this, but also, the government is shooting nurses in the back for helping people, so...

[-]

Wootnasty@reddit

May we all aspire to the low bar of being better than ICE goons.

[-]

MyNameIsNot_Molly@reddit

Same here. We were both spanked and had kids very young so when our twins were toddlers, we assumed we were supposed to start spanking them. Not only was it ineffective, I quickly realized I was spanking my kids when I was angry. How on earth was I ever going to teach them to control their emotions and hitting other people is wrong if I'm allowed to hit someone smaller than me when they piss me off?

[-]

shawn_g@reddit

I spanked my kids about 5-6 times when they were young and still feel bad ~15 years later. I was in my mid 20's and didn't really know any better because that's how my parents disciplined me.

I still cringe at a situation where my oldest was throwing a tantrum (mostly because he was tired and ~3-4 years old) and I spanked him. It didn't help anything and it only made me feel like shit afterwards. It still bothers me to this day.

They're both amazing kids now and don't seem to remember being spanked when we've talked about it, but I have regrets.

[-]

RosesAndSpice@reddit

This. I spanked, mostly because I just thought that was just part of the job. I stopped later on, I wanna say when my kiddo was around 5. If you’re able to talk and reason with them, there’s no conceivable reason to resort to physical violence as punishment. Even before that though, if I had to do it again, I wouldn’t.

I was never really comfortable with it - my mom in particular crossed the abuse line with me pretty frequently growing up spanking. Once when my ex wanted me to spank, I compared it to using a nuclear weapon. It’s one of the things I regret about raising my kiddo.

[-]

AmputeeHandModel@reddit

Yeah, I did a few times when he was out of control and it just felt terrible. It didn't help his behavior, it just made him scared of me.

[-]

jar36@reddit

I never had kids of my own. Had a couple of girlfriends with them tho. I believed in spanking, but I didn't believe in spanking kids that aren't my own. So, I figured out other methods. They worked so well that each kid went from being unruly to doing anything I asked of them with no hesitation or back talk. It wasn't out of fear, but respect. Get this, they're just little people with minds and emotions of their own. Who would've thought that treating them with respect would earn reciprocal respect?
One phrase that I absolutely hated to hear as a child was "Because I said so" I did not become that type. I explained why.

[-]

DPTDubbs@reddit

Same. My dad did it all the time worth a board when I was growing up. I only used my hand a few times from their ages 3-5 but quickly realized it’s not the dad I wanted to be.

[-]

reallovesurvives@reddit

I work with millennials who tell me that I should spank my kids. They feel that this kind of physical consequence is the reason they turned out the way they did and that if children are not spanked they will have behavioral issues. They feel very strongly about this.

[-]

Gonna_do_this_again@reddit

I got the wire coat hanger once

[-]

rosievee@reddit

I think this question is influenced by community and class to a certain extent. I got the belt regularly and had to cut a switch a couple times but my wealthy white friends didn't. I'm gonna hope nobody gets the belt now but I kinda doubt it.

[-]

MildlyConspicuousCat@reddit

I stopped getting spankings at some point (my mom used to speak fondly about giving us a thwack on the butt after that), but she switched to throwing water in my face. I remember one time she opened my door, put the water on my dresser, and then slammed the door on her way out. Her face and movements were so mad. I poured the water on my own head, sobbing, because I though I was bad and deserved to be punished. That sentiment stayed around for decades. She did the whole empty apology thing though.

The thought of hitting my kids in anger makes me feel ill.

[-]

Ornamental_oriental@reddit

No, I know people who still spank and hit their kids. Not that it matters because I’m not raising them. I won’t judge them. I was spanked and beat as a kid. Viciously I might add. My dad had anger issues and still I would pick my dad over my mom’s verbal assaults any day. I’d rather get my ass handed to me than have words that linger for a lifetime. I don’t spank or hit my kids. It doesn’t do anything good for me or them. I just talk to them until they get it. Which takes patience, lots of patience.

[-]

lowercasenameofmine@reddit

So you got verbally and physically abused and learned you can tolerate one more over the other. That's something qualifying the abuse though because something was worse.

Good for you giving your kids something you never had and something that is incredibly hard to give in times of stress, patience. They learn from your modeling and what a lesson that must be compared to your choices!!

[-]

sinverguenza@reddit

I'm the same way. Getting hit was over with quickly, but the verbal abuse stayed with me far far longer.

[-]

HorridChoob@reddit

Not entirely, but definitely when down a good bit

[-]

WhatTheCluck802@reddit

I certainly hope so. Spanking is abuse, full stop.

[-]

fyukhyu@reddit

Sadly, no. But in my family it did. Neither me, nor any of my siblings, do that shit.

[-]

PimmentoChode@reddit

Some damn kids out there today that help the argument for spanking

[-]

SimpleVegetable5715@reddit

I was spanked, but it didn’t really bother me. I know exactly what I did that pissed my dad off. He also only used his hand on my ass. I think parents who take their own frustrations out randomly on their kids and aren’t consistent with discipline, are the ones who seriously mess up their kids. I was way more traumatized by my emotionally abusive mother, even though she never laid a hand on me.

[-]

lowercasenameofmine@reddit

How did being spanked teach you to solve the problem though?

You are qualifying it because you had a more terrifying experience.

Like, oh I had my finger tip cut off but that was nothing compared to my leg being cut off!

Lol both are bad but yes, one is worse when you compare them.

[-]

1Frazier@reddit

Same here. I may have only been spanked once and that was like one swat with a hand. My older brother got it a few more times than I did. It was used as more of a threat. "If you do that again, you will get spanked." The threat was enough to put us in line most of the time because we knew they would follow through. A spanking was reserved for really bad behavior and we hardly even acted up that badly.

[-]

CariniFluff@reddit

Same, the few times I got spanked, I definitely said a bad word I learned from my older siblings or did something wrong. Just a few light hits with the hand, never a belt or board or anything.

Honestly my friend's mom putting pump handsoap in our mouths after a bad word was worse (I had the bar of soap to "clean out my mouth" a few times), but the liquid soap was awful.

Don't have children but if I did I can't imagine I'd spank them more than once or twice, if ever. There are plenty of ways to discipline kids so they get the message without hitting them.

[-]

throwaway04182023@reddit

Unfortunately no. I know someone who wanted to be sure they were marrying someone who was pro-spanking for when they have kids. Thankfully they didn’t end up having any. I’m still horrified by that comment though. Imagine going through life wanting a child to hit.

[-]

capthazelwoodsflask@reddit

Thankfully I never got anything past a light slap on the wrist if I was getting into something dangerous or messy and that was just as a toddler.

If we were getting out of control my mom would threaten to spank us with the wooden spoon but she never did. My dad would snap his belt sometimes and that was usually enough to get our attention. And while he never hit us, my dad knew exactly what to say that was way worse than any physical abuse. Nothing hateful or mean but he knew how to criticize you in the moment.

[-]

suchalittlejoiner@reddit

Yes. As one of the oldest of 6 kids, the change happened right in the middle - the 4 oldest were spanked, but it became socially unacceptable by the time the 5th and 6th came around, so they were never spanked.

[-]

ChiefBroady@reddit

It’s one of the reasons why I don’t have kids. I didn’t want to risk falling into the same pattern as my mom. No kid deserves that. Also why I am almost no contact with my parents.

[-]

resourcefultamale@reddit

I consider it dead with us. I got spanked by parents, grandparents, the school staff but with a giant holed out board. My parents and I get along great now. They were never unhinged about it. Well, once. But from my recollection, I had that one coming. Had I acted that way to a stranger I probably would've been popped in the face with a fist.

I've seen parenting ad click bait pop up saying something like a single spanking completely destroys 10% of a child's brain permanently, which if true, means I'm running off of -450,000% brain capacity.

[-]

LoveYerBrain2@reddit

It's not purely a generational thing. My parents never spanked me.

[-]

lowercasenameofmine@reddit

Nothing is "purely" anything. You had a different experience than the vast amount of your generation. That's great! But thinking in absolutes doesn't help acknowledge the reality of the majority of your peers.

[-]

selfishsooze@reddit

Yeah me neither. My boomer parents looked down on my friends’ parents who spanked. They were spanked (well probably beat, in my mom’s case) as kids and decided they would never disciple their kids that way. I still have a great relationship with them. And I’ll never spank my kids either. Although my husband says we should. Nope. Not gonna happen. It’s a lazy way to parent and teaches kids nothing.

[-]

Significant_Dog412@reddit

Same here, and my Mum was very anti corporal punishment as she got it bad from her own mother as a kid. It was also outlawed in UK state schools in 1986, just before I started school.

Me and my Sister were only hit once, where we were arguing loudly in a car that could have been a life or death distraction for my Stepdad driving.

I don't think my Stepdad was ever hit by parents, despite his Dad having been something of a local hard man and having hit his wife.

[-]

After_Preference_885@reddit

I am one of the parents in this sub who had kids especially young and faced intense pressure to spank.

My boomer mom would tell me that my child was going to turn out horrible and "he's going to be bigger than you someday and then what"

I spanked him exactly once. The way he looked at me, I never ever did it again and I apologized. I picked up some better methods from ecfe and my therapist at the time, books and shows they recommended. My mother was appalled.

It's the only thing my mother admitted she was wrong about because he's almost 30 and by taking a better approach to discipline he turned out to be a kind, calm, very thoughtful person.

[-]

Sufficient_Turn_9209@reddit

I had my son at 21. Not crazy young, but still a kid. I can't remember ever being spanked or physically corrected growing up, but my mom told me I needed to pop my son's little hand when he was repeatedly reaching for our glasses on the table. He was around 2. Not hard, but definitely intentional. The look on his face was so heartbroken that there was no mistaking the wrongness of it. Like I had violated everything I was to him. He only cemented the decision when about 5 minutes later I reached for my glass and he took my wrist and tapped me on the hand. Wrong lesson kiddo, but that's what you get when you physically discipline a child! 🤣 By the way he is the kindest, most empathetic, reasonable, and brilliant young man now. He never caused any trouble growing up or now.

[-]

Zildjianchick@reddit

Same here! Spanked my daughter once, then realized I did it because I was angry at her. She cried, I cried. Never did it again.

[-]

Reasonable-Wave8093@reddit

My grandmother did the same to my mom

[-]

plated_lead@reddit

I sure hope so. I was constantly covered in bruises from the daily beatings. If I saw a kid today that was half as bruised as I was then I’d hotline them in a second

[-]

hypercosm_dot_net@reddit

There's many reasons, but the main one is that I never respected them when they did it.

If they had spoken to me and taught me better, I would've done better.

[-]

Sea_One_6500@reddit

I spanked my daughter once. She was 3, refused to hold my hand in the parking lot and then ran away. I grabbed her and gave her a swat on her butt, with my open hand. A cop drove by as this was happening. He just waved. I still feel terrible about it 16 years later. Guess who never ran away from me again though.

[-]

s-multicellular@reddit

I think it snowballed in dying out with the research. In 2002, psychologist Elizabeth Thompson Gershoff did a big meta-analysis that showed it just doesn’t work. Meaning, of course, there were many smaller studies she relied on that were tilting things away from it. Further studies thereafter reinforced it more and more.

[-]

wasianDilf@reddit

Not only does the research say it doesn’t work, it says it’s very harmful towards development.

[-]

lowercasenameofmine@reddit

Think about how it teaches you to solve problems and shrink in fear for, what, could have been a learning lesson.

Glad it's by and large stopped!

[-]

kryonik@reddit

"If a child can use reason then you should use reason with them, if they can't then they won't understand why you're hitting them" is the phrase that convinced me never to lay a hand on my child.

[-]

Block444Universe@reddit

I was mentally abused and I remember all those times when they did their psychological torment to me for days on end that they would please just hit me instead.

I only remember being slapped once by my mum when I was maybe 7 or 8 and once by my dad when I was maybe 15 or 16. I had asked my dad to hit me and he kept hitting me as I kept telling him to. It was the only time he apologised to me, and same with my mum. It wasn’t fun but at least when it was over, it was over.

Now as a grown up I am seeing how messed up it is that I wished for being hit, instead of the emotional torment that I got….

Just because you weren’t spanked doesnt mean you weren’t abused. I am still at 46 doing CPTSD therapy

[-]

EmployedByCats@reddit

I always hatedoing being told I was going to get a Spanking. Because what I actually got was a beating, with an old leather machine belt that had a strip of rubber down the middle. They carved indents to create a good hand grip, and wrote all myself and siblings names on it in black permanent marker. It felt like death, knocked my breath with every swing. I am a very petite woman at 4"11. Imagine my size as a child. And he would lift his whole arm and swing into it. My upper legs, butt and back all got it. It was abuse, not a Spanking on the bum.

I never played a single hand on my own son, he has no concept of what it would even be like. And he's an amazing young adult now, who doesn't even yell when mad, because he wasn't taught any abuse to replicate.

To many parents used the word Spanking extremely losely.

[-]

Yarn_Mouse@reddit

I'm so sorry you were abused like that!

You're right, people define this word totally differently. Even in this thread you can't usually tell what people mean when they say it. Do people mean one or two measured swats to the back of a diaper? Or do they mean a belt as hard as the parent can swing on unprotected skin?

I guess we can simplify by just saying it's all bad and I hope it's dying out forever.

I had silent gen parents too. Emotionally distant except when angry. I chose not to have kids, but I do have pets, and have always treated them a hundred times better than my parents treated our pets growing up.

[-]

sunsetandporches@reddit

I had a big lesson with a dog I had in my 20’s. I get so mad and yell at him like he know he did wrong. But I actually wasn’t treating him well and realized the yelling was so dumb. And our relationship was amazing after that. I know I could have been a better dog parent but he really showed me how to treat a being even if I can’

[-]

JFei1221@reddit

It’s an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think it’s dead at all. It’s actually a disservice to say it is when we have a lot more advocacy to do. Like smoking- it’s just not socially acceptable and we hide it better. You don’t see it, but it happens. The numbers overall may have gone down on paper (do you honestly tell your doctor how much you smoke and drink though 🤔) but most of the kids I work with, particularly in very conservative and more marginalized communities, are still spanked at least occasionally. Many are regularly.

My husband and I were just discussing this. He (81, M- raised welthy, religious conservative) was never spanked. I (85, F- grew up in poverty, food insecure, by Jesus hippy liberals) was spanked all the time and often with hairbrushes or wooden spoons, occasionally a belt. How do I look at that in Retrospect; a sign of the times or abusive parenting?

What about kids now- Is it reportable? Is that really the best course of action? We never spanked our kids, but we’re in a very rural area. I know a lot of conservative families that spank at least a little. I know far more black and indigenous kids who get paddles and belts. These families also tend to still smoke indoors and have more social and economic pressures. Not all. This is just my observation from my corner of the world.

[-]

tasteofhuman@reddit

My brother and I were regularly spanked as kids. My little sister, once. I told my husband when we were expecting that we were not going to spank our child. He sort of agreed me with until our kid was born and then he said, "I can't ever imagine hitting him." My brother spanks his son, though. Surprise, surprise that kid has issues.

[-]

lowercasenameofmine@reddit

I got "just" a belt or hand after my parent had used the wrong side of a metal bristled brush , accidently was my impression, for a few whacks.

Ultimately one day, I cut that belt up and laid it back in it's place but in pieces. Things just escalated anyway, but I was never spanked with the belt again.

[-]

grumpykitten79@reddit

I used to get spanked with a belt. I could never imagine inflicting pain on my children in the name of discipline.

[-]

Electrical_Gas_517@reddit

Spanking is fkn stupid and lazy too. It's entirely possible to teach kids right from wrong without physical violence.

[-]

hokie47@reddit

For the most part. I would give a butt slap when they were young and what they were doing was rather dangerous and verbal commands didn't work. Not a pushment but like to get their attention when the situation called for it.

Put me in reddit jail all you want.

[-]

reebaknird@reddit

I was hit with the belt. On a bare ass, it was humiliating. I spanked my son, once fully clothed and I felt so f’n awful I never did it again.

[-]

Humble_Ladder@reddit

My parents probably spanked me 10 times in my life, and it was brief, but the threat was enough to stop bad bahavior. If there is a right way to spank, that's probably it.

I couldn't imagine hitting my daughter. I do sometimes wish for something more persuasive than words, though.

As with many things, the sadistic fucks took it way too far, as described hlby others here. Overall it's good that it fell out of acceptability.

[-]

Sean_Kong@reddit

When my kid was young I tried spanking them once. It was a last resort punishment. It turned out I was so gentle they giggled the whole time. So that was the one time and I guess it worked out as well as possible lol

[-]

Wonderful_Charity411@reddit

Yea, pretty much

[-]

O_o-22@reddit

I mean a light spank isn’t going to deter a kid passed a certain age and hitting harder will get you a child abuse charge even tho there are def people that still beat the shit out of their kids.

[-]

Teaberry82@reddit

My parents didn’t use items, they just spanked us with their hands. I remember being slapped in the face at least once. It was embarrassing. It didn’t cause real injury, but I think it made kids think that it was ok/effective to hit people to solve problems. I heard my mother remark she couldn’t understand how kids could be effectively disciplined without getting spanked. I’ve observed that they seem pretty upset about just being put in time out, so that seems to work.

For the record, I don’t have kids or spend much time around them, so not sure how insightful this observation is.

[-]

Mackheath1@reddit

I think yes, the spanking and the belt ended with Xennials. I kinda remember PSAs or something about it being a reportable offense / child abuse. I'm sure it still happens, but it's largely gone.

One thing I have noticed living around the world is that La Chancla is universal from Asia, Africa, certainly Latin America and even Hawai'i so maybe that isn't phased out. My parents are German (I'm American) and my mom took her sandal off not too long ago and it reminded me of the time she used one to smack me into another dimension when I was a kid misbehaving.

[-]

Bubbly-Stretch8975@reddit

Less the norm now but i know several parents who still do or did when kids were younger in the last decade.

[-]

SignificantApricot69@reddit

I would like to think so, but probably not.

[-]

jbenze@reddit

Hopefully.

[-]

braxtel@reddit

I am born in 1982, and I do not recall me or my older sister ever being spanked or physically disciplined in any way shape or form. My parents were some of the first that just did not do it.

We are both well adjusted adults and despite never being beaten as kids, neither of us turned to life a of crime and drugs.

[-]

RudyPup@reddit

I wasn't even spanked, we were the beggining of the death.

[-]

WarhammerRyan@reddit

Man, I hope so

[-]

GroundedSatellite@reddit

One of the reasons I never had kids is because I didn't want to inflict the results of all the trauma I endured as a child (including the "spankings," which were much worse than that term conveys) on the next generation.

[-]

Al-Pacinos-Ghost@reddit

Let’s call it what it is. It’s physical abuse. We like to sanitize it by calling it “spanking” and making that seem like it was just a minor thing. It’s not. Being hit by a parent for a mistake or as a punishment is traumatic, and I’m proud of our generation for breaking the cycle and not continuing to perpetuating the myth that kids need to be beaten to become good adults.

[-]

riverguava@reddit

I can count the number of times ive been spanked on one hand, and none of those reasons were good.

I'm glad it's dying out.

[-]

bdd6911@reddit

Yeah. Agree. Look at these comments. people at our age are still carrying such heavy memories about it. Bad energy.

[-]

Next_Confidence_3654@reddit

Second the ping pong paddle or spoon. Once I got a canoe paddle bc it was close

[-]

Dry_Inspection_4583@reddit

I don't think physical abuse is conducive or encouraging of curiosity and learning. If I got fucking smacked at work for screwing up I'm sure as fuck not asking that person for help. Same is true with kids, they screw up, you hit them, they don't want to get hit again, asking you for help opens the opportunity for them to get hit again.

If you want to be a parent and mentor, don't hit things. If you don't care, meh, carry on then, these are just my opinions.

[-]

dredviking@reddit

Unless it's consenting adults, spanking can cheerfully go away

[-]

bikemandan@reddit

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[-]

NicPaperScissors@reddit

My 8 year old son asked me what spanking was the other day and then he studied my face trying to discern what the happy, proud emotion I had was! Fuck spanking- statistically it exacerbates behavioral issues and erodes trust and security. My kids are well behaved enough that I received compliments from strangers on their unsolicited “pleases” and “thank yous” and “this food was really good!” and I have never had to intimidate them to make them listen. They generally give a shit if my husband or I are disappointed or hurt by their choices.

My brother and I were both spanked, but breaking my brother’s will was a real pet project of my parent and he was belted and had cooking utensils broken over his ass.

[-]

girlchef79@reddit

My grandma used a ruler on us… me and my three sisters, but when the younger cousins came along ten years later, she wouldn’t spank them because they were “grandma’s little angels”. My sisters and I were never bad kids. We mostly got swatted because, if we’d stay overnight at their house, we shared one room and laughed too much. So we go the ruler.

My parents, on the other hand, would work in tandem.

Mom: Just wait until your father gets home. [Dad gets home]. This one back-talked, these two did xyz.

Dad would bring out the belt or grab a tree switch. He never beat us. It was just painful enough to make us realize we never wanted to do whatever got us into trouble like this ever again. That was all before we were maybe 8 years old. After that, my older sister and I were afraid of getting punished so we were generally good kids. My younger twin sisters, however, they liked to push the envelope as often and as far as possible.

By 15 it was no longer physical punishment like spanking, it was getting kicked out of the house for a day or a few. Being forced to call every friend we had until one of them could let us stay. Luckily all my friends’ parents knew I was actually a really good kid so I had options. My dad was ridiculously strict. Like no watching shows with any hint of sexual innuendo or undertone whatsoever, which by the mid-90’s was becoming much more prevalent in tv.

Anyway, we survived the spankings and I believe we’re better people for it. Learning that actions sometimes have painful consequences is essential. Learning that before you’re old enough to do something really bad is absolutely necessary for the overall good of society.

[-]

mareimbrium53@reddit

I was spanked as a child. My brothers would get the belt if they did something particularly bad but because I was a girl my dad wouldn't do that to me (though I would argue for spanking equality, small feminist I was). I spanked my kids too. I had my kids pretty young. I realize now that I had undiagnosed adhd and I was overstimulated basically all the time. I didn't do it as often as my parents did and I felt a bit like I'd failed every time, but I did it. I think it was when my second kid was 3-4 that I started to really be done with it, because he clearly had adhd and I started realizing that punishing him was just setting standards for him he could never meet and he would never feel like he was improving. That wasn't just about spankings but time outs and such too. It made me really think about the WHY of discipline, though. I have done a lot of work to get better at regulating myself through the years. My nieces and nephews (children of my millennial siblings) AFAIK have never been spanked and I'm glad of it.

[-]

parkerino24311@reddit

gen z with a gen x mom. we were spanked and hit in the face, not brutal like some other descriptions here but pretty bad. I feel that some of our current problems with kids are that gen z and gen alpha are among the first generations to not be physically punished (net positive!), without any real system in place to replace whatever benefit spanking had (while it's never okay to hit children, it does result in some desired outcomes from a parenting perspective, namely getting your kid to obey). instead of hitting kids we're putting them in front of screens. some parents are successfully and correctly executing gentle parenting (talking through issues rather than a simply punitive approach) and i'm excited to see how that changes societal outcomes.

[-]

SwabTheDeck@reddit

My mom used to spank me, but when I was around 4 or 5, I started hitting her back. Apparently, it made her realize how shitty it is, and so she stopped.

I don’t have any kids, but none of my peers who do would ever entertain the idea of hitting their kids.

[-]

ifeelsynthetic@reddit

My mom used to “spank” (beat) me with her bare hands until the day I whipped my Barbie doll behind me to block the blow and she smacked it instead with all her might. She swapped to rolled up magazines after that and until the day she died she told everyone that I “tried to break her hands”. Evil woman.

[-]

KitnwtaWIP@reddit

Seems like that. My boomer parents didn’t believe in striking children. They did it occasionally, when they lost their shit, and that sucked. But with my mom she’d circle back and apologize for losing her temper and we’d talk about what happened.

I don’t think it’s cool to slap a seven-year-old across the face for being mouthy and I wouldn’t do it. But “that’s what happens when you push that button” is a lesson we all learn sooner or later.

[-]

cornpudding@reddit

I got spanked plenty and my mom used a wooden spoon. I spanked my daughter once and felt so bad about it I never did it again. Her sisters don't even know.

[-]

Fr4nzJosef@reddit

Yep. I only ever got spanked a few times but damn if they didn't make up for the infrequency with intensity when it did happen.
It damn well didn't correct any of the behaviors they thought it would l, just made me more circumspect about it and taught me they were dangerous and unpredictable. It didn't really start till after my biological mother died, dad remarried, and I got the wicked (and bipolar/manic) stepmother. More than that though was the ridiculous perfectionist standards they had, standards you could almost never meet but if you somehow did? Why, the old bait and switch was there. "Why's you do X? You should have done Y!" Talk about a mind fuck! And of course all "justified" under the whole "spare the rod, spoil the child" and atop that the hyper-conservative religious bullshit.

It's part of why I live a good distance away from family and interact only on my terms. Further, I don't interact much with certain siblings because they've just carried the poor practices over to their own kids. I hate to see that shit and all that my attempting to convince them to change their ways gets me is dismissed because I'm "too liberal". 🙄🤣

[-]

confident_cabbage@reddit

I got a handful of good ones. Over the years. As a mid years millenial.

[-]

syntheseiser@reddit

Mostly died because most of us are it as the abuse that it is, although I've talked to a few coworkers who will occasionally "spank" their kids and they're not fans of being told it's hitting because it is and truth hurts sometimes.

[-]

ineffable_my_dear@reddit

Unfortunately not. The Zillennial fundies I’m related to (not by blood!) still beat their kids.

[-]

DeltaFlyer0525@reddit

My parents used the hairbrush, left me so bruised I couldn’t sit properly at school for days after each assault. I’ve never once raised my hand or anything at my kids and I don’t talk to either of my parents.

[-]

Atillion@reddit

Yes, out with forceful discipline and control, and in with my kids will still talk to me when they're adults.

[-]

Automatic_Beat5808@reddit

My parents spanked me and my siblings. Dad with a leather belt, Mom with a wooden spoon. I was naughty (still am), and knew I would get spanked and did it anyway. I attribute my high tolerance for pain to that leather belt.

I do not approve of spanking as punishment. I don't have children but I wouldn't have spanked them if I did.

[-]

SwampDweller01@reddit

My parents were spankers and slappers and so were my in laws. My husband was very pro spanking and I was on the fence because of the brainwashing we both had thanks to our parents. After my kids were old enough to where spanking happened in our families, I realized I couldn’t do it. It’s just straight up abuse. It took me a few years to get him to see just how abusive it is. He only spanked them a few times before he agreed to stop and that it was in fact abusive. It’s been years. And our kids behave just fine.

[-]

SwampDweller01@reddit

I see people in other comments talking about religion and Dobson. Yep, that is my parents and in laws. They were all big Dr Dobson fans.

[-]

AmeliaBitchLady@reddit

These stories are so sad and I feel for all of you. We don’t spank our daughter, but she comes home and tells me about some kids in her class that talk about getting spanked at home still. So it still happens. She always says that she feels bad for them. When I was in kindergarten and first grade, our school system still paddled kids in front of the entire class and I was always terrified. It was something I never wanted to do to my kid.

[-]

s0_spoiled@reddit

I did it when they were kids. I’m Latina and it has not “died” in our culture. FYI we’re talking about a spank on the buttocks, not a beating.

[-]

the_kid1234@reddit

I was never spanked and we obviously don’t either.

[-]

_R_A_@reddit

What always amazes me is the lack of consistency in what we call spanking beyond the impact of some kind.

I got "spanked" as a kid, always open handed, to the best of my recollection never involving bruising. I never liked it, but it's not something I ever looked back at with malice or disdain. What a lot of people here wouldn't have been called spanking in my house growing up, they'd be called beatings.

[-]

DoctorAvailable6601@reddit

Idk, I never got spanked, I think most of us were beat with something instead. I got the belt, wooden spoon and switches. My kids were never spanked or beat, they got annoying lectures and boring time outs instead. 😂

[-]

whereisbeezy@reddit

I got spanked once that I remember. I've never spanked mine though.

[-]

ConsciousChicken1249@reddit

I think it reversed, now my kids hit me!

[-]

Throw-it-all-away85@reddit

I won’t ever spank my child. It doesn’t work and it’ll leave a lasting memory. I hope it dies

[-]

SweetCosmicPope@reddit

Ooh man...

So when I still lived with my parents, my dad would make me get a switch, or he would use his belt that was studded with silver and turquoise. Before that, he had a riding crop that he called a pig walker, and I HATED that thing. My uncle and his family lived with us for a short while, and my uncle actually broke the riding crop on my cousin's ass and I never had to deal with that again.

When I was 6, I moved in with my grandparents. No more belts, but my grandma had this long orange spatula she kept at her side all the time. If we got in trouble, she'd hold us down and whip our bare ass with it, and that thing hurt. When we'd be getting too rowdy, she'd grab her spatula and pop it on the side of the couch as a warning of what was to come if we didn't unfuck ourselves.

Now, for me, I never did that with my kid. I feel that all it does is teaches your kid to be fearful of you, and not necessarily understand why what they're doing is wrong. We did things like take away priveleges, time outs, etc; And explain why what our son was doing was wrong.

[-]

Grinzy@reddit

My mom used to whup us all the time until the day I laughed when she hit me. Then she took it out on my sister until she outgrew it.

Today, it's like she doesn't even remember and she's the sweetest lady in the world.

My kids have never known corporal punishment. Have I raised my voice a few times? Sure, who hasn't? But they've never been scared of me and I'm a big dude. And they are doing great. ❤️

[-]

Starboard_Pete@reddit

For the most part. I remember defending it in front of younger Millennial friends years ago and they were legitimately shocked that somebody would casually defend what they saw as child abuse. I never viewed it through that lens at all, because literally everyone I knew growing up was spanked as a kid…or worse. And the old “I turned out fine” was true.

Didn’t know any better until someone came along and was visibly uncomfortable with that as a correctional method.

[-]

Fr4nzJosef@reddit

Yeah, I used to believe "I turned out fine" until I realized just how fucked up and full of shit my parents (and grandparents) were and how much of their bullshit I had soaked up myself. I do understand that they simply did not know any better. I forgive them for what they did, but that does not mean they get continued free access to me.

I do regret never having had children but...if I am honest, it is probably best I didn't because at that time I still held the belief that spanking was just fine.

[-]

TxTechnician@reddit

And the old “I turned out fine” was true.

My ass, those are the most thin skinned, can't control their emotions, can't handle critism ppl I know of.

You can tell the ones who went through child abuse vs the ones who got an ocassional swat. (For clairty, threatening to "bust your butt" for every single thing... Those are the kids who got abused).

[-]

Starboard_Pete@reddit

To be fair, even with spanking as regular discipline, I’d still say I turned out fine, very even-tempered, and would even go so far as to say my parents weren’t bad people for spanking me. They dealt what was handed to them, but much lesser so. Would they spank their grandchildren? Absolutely not. Cultures change over time and people do learn.

Now that this is a dying practice, people are VERY quick to equate it with the absolute worst of child abuse, though. The internet I’m sure wants to convert me into “admitting” my parents were “abusers.” No, it simply did not amount to that. Bruises weren’t left, bones weren’t broken, and spanking was a last resort for desperately tired and overwhelmed people who were encouraged to do it in that particular time period.

[-]

mottledmussel@reddit

I've known so many people over the years who said stuff like "I deserved every ass beatin' I ever got from my old man and I turned out fine...".

Almost universally, they didn't turn out fine by any objective measures.

[-]

dreadpiratemyk@reddit

I tried “turned out fine” till I realized what I’d actually experienced as a kid. The swats just taught me how to lie and hide. It’s the attempted murder/suicide, impossible expectations with no idea what success looks like, bad abusive men and how selfish was I to make her do all that? Fucking boomers man. And she was put through it too so it’s not even all her fault. I don’t want to be that.

[-]

chocki305@reddit

I'm not against spanking.

But it isn't for anything lite. It is for a major fucking thing.

For example. Playing gas station with the dryer vent and garden hose. And forgetting about it. Flooded the entire basement utility room, as well as destroying the dryer.

[-]

Ok_Box_8844@reddit

go to Africa and you'll find out where it went

[-]

Aiku1337@reddit

My parents didn't really spank me. I think once my mom took a flip flop and lightly tapped my hand. And 3 year old me cried as if I got beat. It was more the threat. I've spanked my older son like a couple of times, prior to learning how it doesn't really solve anything.

I don't think spanking "died" with our generation. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there our age definitely spanked their kids.

[-]

Outside-Worry-9748@reddit

I may be in the minority but I was never ever spanked/ hit as a kid. My boomer parents were, I’m pretty sure. I grew up with atheist progressive left coast hippies so that might have something to do with it. I’ve never even considered hitting my own kids.

[-]

lavasca@reddit

My parents rejected corporal punishment.

[-]

stephra26@reddit

My dad was gifted a wooden paddle with his name on it and holes in the wood for extra pain. It definitely got used on us.

[-]

SpacePoncho@reddit

I remember getting one swat on the butt as a young kid. I don't remember it hurting, just being outraged that I wasn't getting away with whatever bullshit I was up to. :P

As a parent myself, I admit that I thwacked my toddler up the back of his head. He was biting me at the time and it REALLY hurt. We both cried together after, I hugged him and apologized but asked him to please never bite me again. (He did keep biting, but never as hard as that 😩. I never struck him again.)

[-]

ipsumdeiamoamasamat@reddit

My parents spanked me, I feel like it was only a handful of times, but my dad’s sister claimed he used the belt on me often. I think I’d remember that if it happened, although I could just be blocking it out. My uncle spanked me once at Burger King. I thought by spinning on my bum like a breakdancer that I would avoid a spanking. I forgot that he was 150 pounds heavier and many inches taller.

My wife and I have discussed spanking and we just don’t dig it. We have an almost 3-month-old. Perhaps my opinion changes in the heat of the moment, who knows.

[-]

oskich@reddit

It's been illegal here since 1979 🇸🇪

[-]

TeamOfPups@reddit

Also illegal here I'm pleased to say 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[-]

player_haters_ball@reddit

Yeah, everyone in my age group was hit and/or screamed at.

It doesn't teach our kids anything useful. It teaches them to fear their caregivers, and that they are responsible for managing/regulating our emotions. I've done a lot of therapy healing my inner child/teenager in an effort to never pass on the trauma... Or the therapy bill

Anger is a normal response to certain stimuli but directing that anger at your kids isn't the way. You can teach your kids about actions and consequences without abusing them. And it isn't all this 'gentle parenting' meme we get shit on for. Just regulate yourself, damn

[-]

Kitchen_Ad6227@reddit

I used to get slapped

[-]

HeyYouTurd@reddit

I have spanked. They are 8 and 9 now. It’s only been maybe a hand full of times. It was usually just 2 pats on the butt and not very hard and never out of uncontrollable anger on my part. Then after I would console them and talk with them about why they just got a butt smack.

[-]

aenflex@reddit

We did spank our child on rare occasions. There were just a couple things that would warrant a spanking, and throwing his expensive glasses was one of them.

We always approached it calmly, never out of anger. We explained why the spanking was going to occur. We spanked, a single spank on the butt, and that was that.

I don’t know if I regret it per se, but it’s foolish to think that spanking isn’t an outmoded, ineffective form of discipline. I’m glad we rarely did it.

We haven’t spanked him since he was like 5 or 6. I think we spanked between ages 4-6.

[-]

famousanonamos@reddit

People still spank their kids occasionally, but much less often with objects I think because that kind of thing will land you in jail now. A swat on the butt is a lot different than getting laid out over someone's lap and paddled.

[-]

manic_popsicle@reddit

It definitely died with me because no way was I going to hit my kids, I got spanked a lot as a kid. Some of my siblings spank though.

[-]

Away-Quantity928@reddit

Spanking ended with us but never telling your kids no also started with us so….

[-]

jmac11281@reddit

Exactly. Trying to find a balance seems elusive.

[-]

SilverAsparagus2985@reddit

Spanking was the least of my worries, although picking a switch from the peach tree was never fun.

[-]

SymbolismMad@reddit

By the 2000's the science was pretty clear that corporal punishment is counter productive.

[-]

Aol_awaymessage@reddit

I got hit maybe 2 times (deserved it). My parents weren’t a hit first parenting style but they made it known it was always on the menu.

[-]

Extra-Eggplant-4230@reddit

If you cant control your kids or feel overwhelmed and your first thought is to hit them you shouldnt have children 🤷‍♀️

My future SIL beats the shit out of her son and acts like its normal. He doesnt do the things she wants because shes too lazy to actually TEACH him.

(Ive reported her and he knows to come to me)

[-]

Captaintripps@reddit

A couple of months ago I felt like my wife and I had done our jobs right when I made a joke about spanking him to my six-year-old and he asked "What's spanking?"

[-]

Schweather3@reddit

My mom was big on knocking me out. I remember being thrown down a flight of stairs. So yeah, I’m doing things differently as a parent. I will never lay hands on my child

[-]

Aggressive-Bit-2335@reddit

I’ve spanked one of my kids once and the other a few times. Never painful, more of a swat to get their attention. Once they were about 2/3 years, I didn’t need to.

[-]

Adventurous-Depth984@reddit

I still know some people that do.

Fucking monsters.

[-]

Adventurous_Cloud_20@reddit

Possibly, my parents never did it, maybe they were ahead of the times (they probably should have, we were absolute heathens), but other kids folks did. The ones that got beat the most seemed to be the shittiest kids, so it's effectiveness can be called into question.

My parents, Dad in particular, had mindless meaningless chores he'd assign us as punishments. The threat of a whipping was always there, but none of us were ever man enough to test Dad and see if he'd make good on his threats.

Depending on how awful we'd been, Dad had levels of awful/disgusting/boring chores he'd assign us. Painting the front fence was one. It was a three board fence a little over a mile long that ran the whole length of the home place road frontage. We'd be given scrapers, wire brushes, and a few paint brushes and told to get to it. Even if that fence had been painted by one of us the week before, it'd get another coat.

We also had several cords of firewood stacked on the edge of the yard. Dad would knock over a stack with the loader tractor and we'd have to restack it on the other side of the yard, either with the wheelbarrow or by the arm load if we were being extra punished.

Depending on the time of the year he'd make us clean out the hog houses by hand, no skid steer, no loader tractor, just shovels, pitchforks and wheelbarrow.

[-]

LotharOfHillPeople3@reddit

i thought it predated our generation. It was always seen as an older bad thing people used to do when i was growing up. i have no experience with it or any friends with stories but I used to hear stories from the past

[-]

arcteryx17@reddit

It is. I am in the spanking category but it is not common or the go to for discipline. It was used when the conversations, timeouts, or taking away didn't work. A couple kids got one and we're done. A couple of the other kids It took a few times. Not something I wanted to do but it was needed and conversations of why happened after. It was not a regular or go to punishment.

All of my children except 1 (5 total) are grown and very well behaved and loving adults. They all stated recently they understand the spankings and I once again told them it was very situational.

[-]

Zealousideal-Fly9531@reddit

I was spanked once and when I reminded my dad of it he said he didn't want to talk to me ever again LOL

[-]

whistleridge@reddit

It didn’t die. It was killed off.

There’s an absolute mountain of social science data that says hitting your kids is always bad. It doesn’t have positive effects, it causes trauma, and it leads to worse long-term outcomes. We were all raised to listen to evidence.

Also, we were the first generation to treat church as optional or to not even go, so we had a lot less “spare the rod, spoil the child” type nonsense pounded into us.

We don’t let our dogs live on a chain tied to a tree or leave them under the porch either.

[-]

newyorkerTechie@reddit

That’s why the kids are so well conditioned these days!

[-]

whistleridge@reddit

That’s the fun with wicked problems - it’s not a 1:1. Taking one provable harm out of the system doesn’t then eliminate all harm. But it also doesn’t make it less of a provable harm.

[-]

CactusJ@reddit

Or declaw cats

[-]

wasianDilf@reddit

Honestly the research is so vast and deep. I would take it far enough to say if you were regularly spanked you indeed suffered some deep childhood trauma and should maybe have it addressed by a professional.

[-]

LiiilKat@reddit

My divorce has includes language that expressly prohibits any sort of physical discipline, that my ex insisted be included. Yet, she has all sorts of discipline issues over there, and my house is more quiet and orderly, even with that in place.

[-]

burgundyblue@reddit

Not sure if it died with us, but started its way out. I swore to never spank my kid and I didn’t. I know my little sister spanked her kids because “it worked on us.” It didn’t.

[-]

TollyVonTheDruth@reddit

I still see spankings happen in public — even by younger moms, only moms, never dads — even with boys. I saw many kids get spanked right there in the store (usually by moms) when I was a child, but it was so common back then that no one even batted an eye unless a parent was taking it too far. I guess humiliation for a kid was worst than a private punishment.

I consider myself lucky since my parents never subjected me to public humiliation. My dad would give me a stern angry-whisper tongue lashing about what to expect when we got home though; that was my one warning to straighten up before we left the store — I always did.

So, I wouldn't say it died, but it is much less prevalent today — it seems.

[-]

Total_Cup_7218@reddit

in what area are you?

[-]

TollyVonTheDruth@reddit

North Central Texas area

[-]

Total_Cup_7218@reddit

oh okay makes sense!

[-]

TollyVonTheDruth@reddit

That's where I am now. I grew up in Oklahoma. Not sure what it's like there anymore.

[-]

RustyDogma@reddit

My elementary school principal spanked kids too. Had a paddle hanging on the back of her door. Can you imagine the lawsuit that would come from that now?

[-]

Mysterious-Dirt-@reddit

I'm going no contact. Because my birth giver insists no shit never happened.

The dementia is starting to run deep my friends watch close.

[-]

histprofdave@reddit

Sadly, no, it has not died out. It is actually enjoying a resurgence thanks to a particularly vile strain of Christian fundamentalism and a movement encouraging men to be "tougher" and more violent.

It's still much rarer than it was 70 years ago, thankfully. I still meet plenty of people who say "I was spanked and I turned out fine." No, you didn't. You turned out as someone who thinks hitting kids is OK.

[-]

Infamous_Tie5605@reddit

i dont ever remember getting hit with any kind of object... open hand semi-firm smack on the butt, yeah...

i do not feel that is the same at all

[-]

empty7878@reddit

My parents were silent generation and they never laid a hand on us. I guess my Dad did spank my oldest brother once when he was little and it left a mark and my dad felt so awful he never did it again. I never spanked my kids and none of my four siblings spanked their kids. It's just weird and fucked up to hit kids if you ask me. You don't have to hit kids to get them to behave!

[-]

CarpeNivem@reddit

I was spanked as a kid. It was never horrific, and I'm sorry for everyone that received far worse, like canings and paddlings and whatnot. I was just hit, and hard, don't get me wrong, but I don't think psychologically damaging.

There might be a happy medium between hitting your kids too hard and not hitting your kids at all, and my parents may have found that medium. That said, I don't have kids, so I haven't had to think about whether I would hit them or not.

[-]

talrich@reddit

I wasn’t anti-spanking, but timeouts are just more effective.

[-]

SimianBear@reddit

I'm a teacher in Asia and I can say that spanking / hitting is very much alive and well here, unfortunately.

[-]

Total_Cup_7218@reddit

like how much?

[-]

SimianBear@reddit

Quite a bit. If I had to guess, I'd say around half of the kids. They casually mention it all the time.

[-]

Total_Cup_7218@reddit

it's a lot, but what intensity?

[-]

SimianBear@reddit

Hard to say. I think a lot of it is a quick whap on the back of the head or hand type stuff. Definitely seen some suspicious bruises over the years. I'd say it is improvin though. Government has a hotline all the kids know from school, so I'm hopeful there's a bit of a cultural shift happening here too. Before it was very much what happens in a home was the business of that family and no one else.

[-]

FaithlessnessThin359@reddit

getting whipped by my dad with peach tree branches, the backs of wooden hair brushes. wire clothes hangers, from my shoulders down to my calves until my entire back was blue and black are my earliest memories. I wasnt even in preschool yet.

the beatings were the peak of my dads week long rage fest. usually followed by another weak of silent treatment, peppered with random bouts of hours long screaming rants and other forms of physical punishment.

[-]

sourpussmcgee@reddit

Yes and no. Some parents still use it.

[-]

CoolRanchBaby@reddit

I was just thinking the other day - It’s absolutely foreign to people younger than us, but I remember two teachers I had who absolutely LOVED paddling kids in elementary school. Like they made a HUGE deal about it, seemed to delight in it, and made it part of their identity as a teacher.

One just constantly paddled kids over any little thing. Forgot your library book = PADDLE. Didn’t finish remember gym shoes? PADDLE. This one was in 1st grade. I feel like most of the time kids were getting paddled for things their parents probably needed to help them with. Also it was a pretty poor area, some kids probably couldn’t afford a 2nd pair of shoes for gym!!!

I was absolutely terrified going to school every day in 1st grade that I would get paddled. I hated school because of that. Thank goodness my 2nd grade teacher was kind and the total opposite.

Later I moved to a different school in a slightly more affluent area. My first teacher there got her husband to drill holes in her paddle and demonstrated to us how much faster it would move and how much more it would hurt, she had it hanging up on the wall behind her desk on display. She paddled kids all the time and we could hear them screaming and crying in the hall!

I don’t remember any other teachers so invested in paddling as those two. I think I remember my 4th grade teacher paddled a kid once who was extremely disruptive. She seemed like she didn’t want to do it though. I also remember one teacher in 5th grade sending a boy to the office and the principal paddled him and he came back read faced and holding back sobs.

Things have changed so much!

[-]

MadameLeota604@reddit

Wow, I really didn’t know that kids like us were still hit by teachers. Thankfully I never was, but it just seems to archaic. My mum spanked me though. My eight year old is just confused why anyone would ever do anything like that.

[-]

FeistyNobody07@reddit

I live in the so called Bible belt and my colleague whose child is now six, I think, has told me several times over the years how her husband gets their daughter to behave by threatening to "beat her ass" and the kid will say, "you're not going to beat my ass, are you?" when she knows she's in trouble. I don't know if they actually hit her; it's so awkward hearing my colleague tell the stories with laughter that I can never get to that point.

[-]

Optimist-Primist@reddit

Depends which country you live in. Spanking is alive and well in Asian cultures.

[-]

FMArroway@reddit

Like a lot of things, it depends on the person. I have no memory of ever having been spanked. My boomer parents didn't believe in it.

On the other hand, a woman I briefly dated in the 2000's routinely used spanking to discipline her six-year-old daughter. I remember one occasion when she had the poor kid over her knee, butt exposed, and was using the occasion to instruct me on how to spank effectively. (Don't maintain a steady rhythm, so they won't know when to expect the next hit!) It was uncomfortable enough at the time, but it's pretty horrifying in hindsight. Thankfully she never asked me to spank her kid for her. I don't know whether I would have gone along with it at the time, but if I did, it would definitely be something I'd feel bad about now.

[-]

Reasonable-Ant-1931@reddit

It’s been illegal to spank kids in Denmark since 1997. So, here at least, yeah.

[-]

No_Custard_4158@reddit

Oh man, my dad had a good one, right? So, what he used to do was grit his teeth, finger-point me into a corner, and somehow get me into the perfect position. Then he’d smack my head, it’d bounce against the wall, and he'd just keep doing it every time he asked me a question and I answered 'I don't know' or 'Huh?' Which was a total trap, because in that state of emotion, you’re not really listening—you’re just trying to survive. Anyway, that went on until I was about 16. I literally took karate classes at the YMCA just so I could fight back. After that, he never touched me again. Thank God. I feel that sometimes spanking your child, with your hand, is appropriate to a degree, if you're beating the crap out of them and taking your day out on them, that's a whole different scenario.

[-]

throwawayfromPA1701@reddit

Nope. People still spank

[-]

Chief_Br0dy@reddit

My brother and I occasionally got the belt from my mom. On road trips, if we got rowdy in the car, her and my step dad would pull over and get a switch. They wouldn't always use it, but the threat was real.

Boomer's love to hang on to their generational trauma and pass it down the line.

My wife and I have a 4 year old daughter and I could never ever bring myself to hit her or intentionally cause her pain and suffering. Kid's pre-frontal cortex is basically non-existent and doesn't fully develop until they're in their 20s. They have essentially no impulse control, no self-regulation, no executive functions. Most "bad" behavior is stuff they have no control of. And they/we were beaten for it.

[-]

Zacky_Cheladaz@reddit

My parents have told me they regret spanking me and my sister when we were growing up

[-]

Hatecookie@reddit

It's becoming less common in some populations. I talked to my sister the other day, she lives in a trailer park in the middle of nowhere, and she was talking about how everybody down there beats their dogs and their kids. So, ya know, not everywhere.

[-]

14thLizardQueen@reddit

No. I still see the same neglect and abuse .

[-]

CinnamonBun-ZSD@reddit

The belt was used on me, and like some other people in this thread I don’t even remember the reasons I was getting hit.

[-]

CatBoyTrip@reddit

i always joke that my dad’s hobby was beating me. he used to go to the hobby lobby to buy wooden dowels just to beat me with them.

[-]

Smoke_Stack707@reddit

My wife and I sort of thought so but she texted me when she was at playgroup the other day and was like “this mom just pulled her kid aside and spanked her in front of everyone 😳”

I don’t think it’s out of the cultural zeitgeist for a large swath of people.

[-]

Bart_1980@reddit

I think it did, where I live it’s even illegal now. I can remember my dad’s hands though. Very hard (that he was an amateur boxer in his youth didn’t help).

[-]

JungLeo143@reddit

Yeah, a lot of us were physically abused. Let’s call it what it is.

[-]

Low-Fig429@reddit

Older millennial here. Definitely remember when ‘Lucy’ the belt would come out, checking out the red streaks in the mirror, and even a couple of kicks one time. And for such trivial things…

I have a 3 month old and will never in my life hit him.

Asked Dad about it once and he said he was ‘just doing the best he could’. Not sure if I truly forgive him yet…

[-]

Tedanki@reddit

I hope so. I certainly don't hit my kids. That shit is barbaric.

[-]

JMLKO@reddit

I think parenting kids stopped with some GenX and most millennial parents.

[-]

Valuable_Recording85@reddit

I know for a fact that there are lots and lots of Americans who hit their kids. People tend to be quieter about it because they know they can get arrested for it.

[-]

ActuallyAlexander@reddit

Remember when people thought racism was over?

[-]

WaitUntilTheHighway@reddit

No I’m quite sure there are still a lot of shitty parents out there.

[-]

Cool-Word2409@reddit

UK here. Don't recall being spanked on the rear, but my face was fair game: Mum liked to use a wooden clog.

The black eyes and busted lips were preferrable to the other punishments: ripped up Christmas cards, destroying my things in front of me, awful exercises in humiliation.

I learned how not to parent from her.

[-]

Totallyfey@reddit

BDSM grooming

[-]

caryn1477@reddit

I sure hope so. My daughter is an adult now but I've never struck her.

[-]

PsquaredLR@reddit

We haven’t spanked our kids and they’ve turned out great. They’re very well behaved and respectful.

[-]

Miserable-Okra-8787@reddit

Yeah, it’s called abuse now.

[-]

ARazorbacks@reddit

For me it just boils down to this - you’re teaching your kids that hitting them is an acceptable way to force obedience. Why on Earth would you then be mad at your 16 year old kid who beats the shit out of someone? You taught them that’s the way it’s done.

[-]

all4ut78@reddit

My dad had a white leather belt. Whipped me and my brother until I was 13 and I finally stood up to the pain and the stupidity of it and he stopped. I raised 2 girls 23 and 21 and never once spanked them. I found out when I got older that my Dad was severely abused as a child and never had help for it. I ended my cycle of pain.

[-]

Hello_Hangnail@reddit

I just saw a post about how raising a kid without popping them in the mouth is practically impossible these days. And then she made a big deal about how a "slap" is different than "beating" your child

[-]

FluffySpell@reddit

I fucking hope so. If you can't discipline your kids without resorting to physical violence, you shouldn't be a parent.

Downvote me. I said what I said.

[-]

proxminesincomplex@reddit

I was spanked, beat, slapped, punched, thrown, and insulted by both parents…until I was 18. The last time I got hit, I told my dad if he did it again we were both going to the hospital because I was going to take his ass out. Never got hit with any inanimate objects, so I figured both my folks determined that was an improvement over having to go “pick your switch” like they had to do. I had no concept that this was odd behavior until I was probably in my early 30s and I spoke to other folks my age who never got hit, never ran off until their parents fell asleep, never hid in a closet or under a bed. I got beat in public (once in church!) and at the house. As an adult, one of my aunts asked me why I didn’t tell anyone, and I told her that I figured it happened to everyone and since I had been beat plenty of times in public and no one stepped in I must have deserved it or it was acceptable. Thing is, I wasn’t even a bad kid. I made good grades, played sports, had friends, did my chores, didn’t ask for much, never did drugs, and didn’t lie. As an adult I’m relatively well-educated, have a stable career, and own a home. I am divorced and recovering alcoholic though.

I don’t have kids; never wanted them. I do have rage issues and fairly severe lack of emotional regulation. I’m working on it. Sometimes I’m guilty of thinking that poorly behaved people didn’t get beat enough as a child, but I’m working on that too. I’ve been no contact with my dad for years and my mom died over a decade ago, but neither of them ever apologized.

[-]

AshDogBucket@reddit

I wrote a masters thesis on child abuse and Christian communities. As long as Focus on the Family continues to exist, spanking isn't going anywhere. And unfortunately, focus on the family literature is just as pervasive if not more so now than it was when we were growing up. Which means not only is spanking not going anywhere, but the emotional abuse of children recommended by dobson is also flourishing.

[-]

mtron32@reddit

I held my daughter the first time over three years ago. My first thought was how could anyone spank a child? I could never

[-]

koorb@reddit

Largely, but I also feel that a lot of parents haven't levelled up their parenting toolbox to compensate.

[-]

GeauxFarva@reddit

I got my ass beat a handful of times in my youth. Once I remember was because I set the family van on fire. I have a teenage daughter and have only tapped her on the butt through a diaper when she was 1-2 because she continually climbed on our stone hearth and had already hit her head on it. I felt horrible afterwards even though it was barely anything but got her attention. My wife and I have always relied on communication to change behavior. Punishments are child specific. She is much more responsive to us explaining why doing something is wrong especially is we pepper in that we are disappointed with her. The more I think about it, spanking kids regularly is a crutch for not being able to problem solve with your kids.

[-]

mommer_man@reddit

I really hope so…. When my son was two, an older neighbor gave me an old ping-pong paddle, explicitly told me to use it to keep the “little man in line.” That thing lived on a pantry shelf for years and became a joke with my son. I never used it on him, but would sometimes just pull it out and be like “do I need this today, or can you please chill?” Now he’s 12, and the paddle is used mostly to launch garbage into the can or to send cat toys through the hallway, lol. Now that he’s almost bigger than me, I honestly can’t imagine what the dynamic between us would be if I ever had spanked him… probably not as peaceful and cohesive as what we’ve got now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[-]

Spiritual_Smile9882@reddit

My mom used to use wooden spoons and her hand. She was not shy about slapping the shit out her kids. She didn't haul off and hit us for no reason and she wasn't a drunk who would fly into drunken rages. Not what I would call abusive for the time, but yeah. My sister would spank her kids and then complain that spanking didn't do anything and that is kinda the problem with it. I would hear my sister and other siblings complain that not enough people smack the shit out of their kids, usually saying something like "Mom smacked the shit out of us when we stepped out of line and we turned out ok". My only response on that was ......did we? I am not convinced that we turned out ok, and even if we did it wasn't because of the times I got smacked so hard I would have a bloody nose for a half hour. If anything I turned out ok in-spite of all of that.

My wife and I don't hit our kids. The farthest it has ever been would be a swat on the butt when a kid is mouthing off. Nothing with any real force. Just a quick swat to get their attention. I want my kids to respect me, not fear me.

[-]

wasianDilf@reddit

You likely did not turn out ok and that response is telling. The research is so clear on this literally being harmful childhood trauma. There is no justification for it or when it is ok.

I’ve known a few people who were spanked and therapists have discussed this with them. I would speak to someone. It was so prevalent too we have whole generations just walking around with this traumatic past.

[-]

Spiritual_Smile9882@reddit

You likely did not turn out ok and that response is telling.

I am most definitely not ok unless we are grading on a curve. And there are a lot of other things and issues I have with my mom to the extent that he punishment methods are pretty far down the list of trauma I have from her.

[-]

atownsound@reddit

My father made spankings a regular part of his parenting routine,

[-]

deelish85@reddit

I'm not a parent but I was raised by an angry, single mother who took her anger out on me and my brother.

One of the last conversations I had with my beloved brother before he died involved the recount of my mom beating him and then bringing him to a home for kids. I could see the hurt in his eyes but he forgave my asshole of a mother. I called my mom that night, told her about the convo I had with him and suggested to call him and remind him how much she loves him. She sneered through the phone and said 'You guys were hard to raise! Sorry I'm such a terrible mom!' And then my brother died of a heart attack 10 days later.

The resentment I carry for my mother is heavy and I barely talk to her these days. She is the epitome of a victim who never takes accountability.

[-]

madogvelkor@reddit

I was spanked. My parents were both social workers and felt bad about it, but parenting advice at the time stressed the importance of physical discipline. They just made sure they never did it out of anger and that it was connected to something I did wrong. Eventually they stopped around middle school because it didn't bother me anymore and they weren't going to increase the level of violence.

They've since apologized for it, but I've said they don't need to.

[-]

sravll@reddit

Died with me and my sister, but unfortunately my little brother spanks his kids and I hate it.

[-]

EyeSuspicious777@reddit

If my dad beat me on the side of the road with his belt today instead of 40 years ago, someone would film it on their phone and give it to the police.

[-]

ajulesd@reddit

Well, given the level of parental abuse on some children, I wouldn’t say it’s died, but it certainly would be for the benefit of all if it did go completely

[-]

Tribblehappy@reddit

I know parents my age who spank their kids still. Sadly, it did did not die out.

[-]

I_am_Forklift@reddit

Spankings at my house weren’t just punishment for something I did. It was my dad’s time to release all of his pent up anger on his children. He’d hit me all up and down my back and legs until he was tired. One day he decided to use a wire coat hanger on my back I had bloody coat hanger outlines all over.

I showed my best friend who asked me to show his mom and dad who was the preacher at the church we went to. The mom told me not to tell anyone…that it was between our family.

My dad mellowed out in his old age and acted like it never happened. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself on his death bed. …I didn’t.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about hiding in my closet under the pile of dirty clothes at night to sleep because I was so scared he’d come in with his belt and hit me while I was asleep in bed.

I don’t have children because of it. I got snipped when I was in my 20s.

My little brother has 2 boys and my dad’s anger problem. I like to think I broke it but I have a feeling those two boys are reliving the hell that I did.

So. much. therapy.

Changed my last name so I wouldn’t have to think about him any time I saw my name.

Fuck you if you hit your kids

[-]

TxTechnician@reddit

(Millennial with thoughts on this)

Spanking doesn't work.

it isn't a meaningful deterrence (I'm proof of that).
its lazy-parenting (you have to actually be a parent man, you can't beat sense into a kid).
it teaches your kid to fear you, not consequences.
causes confidence issues in kids.
causes behaviour problems in toddlers and kids (gee, I wonder why my 3 yo, who I hit all the time, is acting out and hitting ppl).

I think ppl who hit their kids are dumb af. Like actually stupid. How can you not connect the dots?

We all have those ppl in our lives who... Are 50 but act like a 14 yo. And by that, I am talking about how the react to conflict and criticism.

IME the most thin skinned ppl. Are the ones who got hit as kids. (Not talking about occasional spank, I'm talking hit with tools and at every other opportunity).

Alternative to spanking.

Assume your 2yo is pulling someone's hair. And you want it to stop.

Abusive Idiot:

hits child, while screaming no, and then saying "don't pull hair".
- 2yo is now screaming crying, every kid in the room is scared, 2yo didn't hear the part about hair pulling because their mind is focused on the pain.

Normal Person:

walks up, forces their finger into the 2yos handful of hair... Releasing the grip. Holds toddlers hand still (because you are way stronger than them), looks them in the eye and says in a deep voice "you don't pull hair".
- 2yo cries for a min while you won't let go of their hand till you're sure they connected the dots hair + hand = 😫.

[-]

CokBlockinWinger@reddit

My mom didn’t spank me, she beat me. Full on rage of fists and belts and paddles. I don’t speak to her at all anymore.

I’ve never hit my kids once.

[-]

hwy61trvlr@reddit

I have just never seen a need to spank my child. I was raised in a very Christian conservative household for most of my childhood and spanking was not unusual. I even spouted the spare the rod spoil the child crap to my non-spanking relatives. Now I just feel stupid. I have never had a need to spank my daughter and I cannot imagine a situation in which I’d even consider it.

[-]

wheniwaswheniwas@reddit

I know I'm probably going to be in the minority here, but I think there's a legitimate place for spanking as discipline, done thoughtfully and in the moment with clear explanation.

I was spanked as a kid when I did something wrong, and I think it served its purpose. When I talk about spanking, I mean a firm swat in response to real misbehavior, nothing more. I'm not talking about canes, marks, or anything that crosses into abuse. For us, the point was that you broke a boundary, you got a consequence, and then it was explained why.

My parents used it sparingly, and it was proportional to what I'd done. I haven't taken the same approach with our kid that my parents took with me and my sister, but I do use it as a real option when needed, especially when our kid is biting or hitting in anger.

At some point, kids need to learn that there are physical consequences to pushing too far. Fighting and conflict have always existed. In the real world, if you keep pushing someone, things can get physical. A spanking, properly explained and not abusive, teaches that lesson in a controlled, safe way. That's not traumatic. That's just how consequences work.

[-]

analogthought@reddit

Part of it is probably because if in 2026 k had gone to school and told my friend while my teacher overheard that my dad hit me with a belt- dfacs would probably have been at my house that afternoon. Not condoning it in any way but times are different.

[-]

wasianDilf@reddit

They rightfully should be wtf

[-]

PhysicsStock2247@reddit

I just find it weird when boomers reminisce longingly about being spanked in their youth, as if it was some rite of passage. I have aunts and uncles who have some pretty great stories about the shenanigans of their youth but half of them end up with kids having their asses beaten black and blue by their parents. This is usually followed by some joke like, “they were whistling the star spangled banner for a week!” (whatever the hell that means). I was spanked with a belt by my father and those times are not fond memories I have a chortle about.

[-]

drjenavieve@reddit

I have a sister 10 years younger than me. I was spanked. It got phased out by the time she was old enough that she would have been spanked. So yeah, I think we were at the cusp where it became acknowledged as not acceptable.

[-]

Erisedstorm@reddit

My brother spanks so no

[-]

Into-the-stream@reddit

My parents were very very against it (both had fathers who had been in the war, suffered from PTSD and alcoholism, and who hit their kids a little too much.). I knew a few kids who were hit, but I think it was already dying out at that point.

When I became a parent, there was only one I knew who ever smacked her kids (to my knowledge). It is almost unheard of in my kids generation.

[-]

BostonBlackCat@reddit

I feel like it is far well known that there is a high correlation to parents having low IQs and low academic/career success and spanking, and their spanked children being low IQ low achievers.

You look in the poorest, most violent neighborhoods in the US and spanking is practically universal even if you discount parents who more seriously best your children. I used to volunteer in prison outreach and (again, discounting cases of more serious abuse), virtually every prisoner was spanked.

Growing up, the most high achieving and best behaved kids (frankly including myself) were disciplined but never spanked. Meanwhile we saw the worst behaved kids we knew talk about their parents spanking them.

Part of it is parents being more empathetic towards their children, but I do think part of it is that a lot of us millenials came to associate spanking your kid with being a loser.

[-]

ttreehouse@reddit

That’s an odd take. I would never think of a child that was spanked that they were a “loser”.

How about it’s “know better, do better”?

My parents were educated boomers but reactive because they both had parents who went through the Great Depression and WW2 with a lot of trauma and PTSD. There was a lot of yelling in my house. I was never spanked (golden child). My middle brother was spanked once because he got in trouble at school and that’s what you did in the 80s. My dad had a physical and emotional reaction to doing it and never did it again.

Spanking has never even crossed my mind as a parent of two. Never. It’s not because we’re special high IQ achievers. That’s ridiculous. It’s know better do better.

[-]

Powerful-Entry8505@reddit

You make some interesting points, although I question the emphasis you are putting on the kids’ IQ. No child, regardless of IQ, would choose to be spanked. I was well behaved and have a high IQ (and am a Boston professor, but a human and not a black cat), and that did not protect me from being spanked frequently and intensely. Since we are using anecdata instead of linking to evidence, I want edto share my own experience alongside yours.

[-]

BostonBlackCat@reddit

Of course middle class and upper class and educated parents can be abusive and spank.

But spanking is ome of the moat studied aspects of child rearing with some of the most consistent results across cultures, nations, races, etc. Higher educational attainment and intelligence is highly correlated with lower rates of spanking and with spanking not being socially acceptable.

In well educated, successful circles, spanking is more often seen as abuse. In the dirt poor, barely literate town in the deep south my husband came from, it is basically considered abuse to NOT spank your kid. And statistically my personal experience holds up.

Of course no child wants to be spanked, and I am really sorry you went through that.

[-]

myuserhasafirstname@reddit

Unfortunately it has not died but I do think that we've generally grown smarter as a society and learned that violence is not an effective teaching tool.

[-]

Merusk@reddit

I expect a resurgence with GenZ/ Alpha when they become parents. I hope I'm wrong.

Violence is a survival state reaction, and long-term survival state alters your brain. There's no generation we're pushing into survival mode younger and more intensely than them.

Tack on the human social disconnect because of being raised by tech and now AI and I'm not hopeful.

[-]

dreadpiratemyk@reddit

Pretty much. I don’t. Mine did that and a whole lot worse. We had a family friend who played cards with grownups on weekends. When his son did anything to bother him, he had a 300 bowling ring and I remember that because he turned it around before slapping his boy upside the head. It usually left an imprint. He outweighed his son by about 200lbs.

[-]

susieallen@reddit

I have three sons and I never spanked them. I lectured them until they were bored instead. I was raised in a conservative Christian house in Texas and my dad's favorite weapon was his belt. My school principal preferred a paddle. My math teachers paddle had holes drilled in it for maximum pain. Combine that with my ADHD and I was constantly getting my ass paddled. It didn't discipline me. Thanks to my math teacher all it did was help me develop a kink as an adult.

[-]

BasicReputations@reddit

No. Spanking has its place, but shouldn't be a default.

[-]

diablo2202@reddit

I think it did.

I was a grounder, not a spanker.

[-]

casdoodle527@reddit

I think that in religious and conservative households, children are still spanked.

We are a Christian family but lean left of center & my husband and I do not hit children. They have manners and are, for the most part, well behaved. He and I both grew up in families that were “spare the rod, spoil the child” and refuse to parent based on fear (spanking/hitting).

[-]

Spiritual_Smile9882@reddit

My wife and I are the same. We do not hit our kids and I have noticed, and this is entirely anecdotal, that our kids are sooooo much more behaved than other kids in their schools. Even at their worst they are angels compared to some kids who I know for a fact have parents that hit them. The entire idea that it's somehow corrective is completely bullshit.

[-]

casdoodle527@reddit

Yes! mine save their antics for when we are home 🤣

[-]

Funwithfun14@reddit

I find spanking is more common in lower educated/lower income households. Not totally, but generally.

[-]

casdoodle527@reddit

I would agree on that conclusion. My husband grew up extremely poor and I grew up fairly low income, but nothing like my husband.

I have a bachelors of science in aviation and husband has had the same trade/career (car sales) since he was 22. While he doesn’t have any post secondary education, his (and our) income level is more than he could have ever imagined as a child.

Money makes things easier in regard to stress, but it’s still not an excuse for how his mother beat him and his siblings (buckle end of the belt). She’s the one that chose to have six kids within 11 years.

[-]

millenz@reddit

People still get spanked. Just not in my circle.

[-]

Particular_Golf_6065@reddit

I was not spanked, my mother was beat as a child, so she was very against it. However I have two friends who told me they spank their kids, one is a younger genx, and one is a 90’s millennial. I’m very much against it, and I am vocal about it. Honestly I was surprised when I found out they spanked their kids.

[-]

ArtsyRabb1t@reddit

Yea it’s died down. There are still people that do it but they get horrified looks in public. Also remember they still had paddling in school! Could you imagine!

[-]

ilovjedi@reddit

My parents are Boomers and we generally did not get spanked or hit. Though there were at least a few times where timeouts and everything else weren’t working for my parents and we got spanked.

But our nanny would tell us we were “crusin’ for a bruisin’” when we were about to get into trouble. I tell my kids they’d be in danger of a spanking if we were in the past now. I don’t even know if they know what a spanking is other than what mommy and daddy do instead of kissing sometimes when they think the kids aren’t paying attention.

[-]

FreeElleGee@reddit

I’ve done it once, out of desperation. I needed the behavior to stop and had tried everything I could think of. My kid just laughed in my face like a crazy person, and it felt icky. Like I’d failed as a parent.

My daughter’s bff was always getting spanked and it was so uncomfortable to be around. Seemed so archaic. Her dad is a boomer, so I suppose it’s all he knows.

I definitely hope it’s dying out.

[-]

Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

I don’t know anyone ghoulish enough to spank their kids though I’m sure they’re out there somewhere

[-]

TimmyRamone1976@reddit

Oh they are. We have a family friend who routinely spanks their kids, anytime and any place. Invites a lot of questions from other littles. Luckily friend is a generous term for them now.

[-]

Jaded_Jaguar_348@reddit

I was raised by a therapist parent, no spanking and I don't recall any of my friends being spanked either.

[-]

nola_mike@reddit

I don't think it died but I do think it is slowly dying. There are still several people who spank their kids.

[-]

Hippybean1985@reddit

It’s def slowly dying. I’m 40 and I’ve never been one for spanking even though I grew up on daily spankings. I’ll say 90% of my friends are anti spanking as well except for a few guys I know who think kids sometimes still deserve a good whooping. I think the exception to this is probably fundamental religions like Amish, Menonite, mormans I doubt the anti spanking movement has spead to that demographic

[-]

Golden_Enby@reddit

I'm glad it's dying out. I appreciate the parents in this group who are breaking the cycle with their kids. My brother and I were heavily abused by our mother, especially when we were really young. Spanking, hitting, and grabbing were her favorites. None of that hurt as much as her words and unpredictable temper. I was always walking on eggshells around her.

I gotta wonder why our little micro generation turned out okay (meaning a good head on our shoulders with empathy to spare) versus older Gen X and some of Y. Is it because we had counterpoints on TV (Mr Roger's, Bob Ross, Jim Henson, Reading Rainbow, Sesame Street) to help us cope and learn how to be a good person? Or is there something deeper?

[-]

Soft-Caterpillar-618@reddit

I’m the oldest and my sister and I (‘82 and ‘86) were both spanked with a belt. Our youngest sister (‘92) has never been spanked.

I also remember being in elementary school in the 80s and teachers would take kids out into the hallway with a paddle and we’d all get really quiet so we could hear the spanking 🫣

[-]

MuttDawg509@reddit

My dad used weapons on me. I chose to not strike my kids.

[-]

jar36@reddit

a lot of conservatives still believe in it. I see more parents than not, that support hitting children. I live in Gym Jordanland tho. Nationally, however, it's less than half of parents. That's still a lot of kids being traumatized, but it is improving

[-]

hybr_dy@reddit

Yes. Both my parents could be explosive and violent. Granted there were 6 of us kids and we drove them absolutely bat shit crazy. I remember constant fighting and bickering. My kids never experience any of those things.

[-]

hardFraughtBattle@reddit

Sadly ironic moment in a supermarket checkout line a few years back. A harried-looking woman was in line with two complaining children. The woman smacked one of them and hissed "I told you no hitting!"

[-]

wasianDilf@reddit

I just don’t understand how anyone can justify physically abusing a child? I mean it boils down to a grown ass adult wanting to physically harm a child and then finding some kind of justification for it. It’s sick.

Never mind ALL, literally ALL the unanimous consensus of research that says it’s harmful and bad.

[-]

Usual_Associate9939@reddit

Nope.

[-]

SnowLovesSummer@reddit

I remember being spanked once and still feel it was unjust and hated my dad for it. Lost respect that day. It was 40 years ago and it still bothers me.

I have never spanked my boys (19&15) and they are well rounded, good kiddos.

[-]

Witty-Management6094@reddit

I have a younger generation relative that spanks & her kid is bad af. She doesn’t understand or care that the spanking isn’t working.

[-]

ButterscotchAware402@reddit

I remember being spanked twice but I know it was more than that (not much though). My husband and his sister got "the belt" and often.

It has never even occurred to us or would be an option to us to put our hands on our kids in a way meant to punish or hurt them. It's not even something that was ever discussed, it's just a non-existent concept.

[-]

MiserableDistance622@reddit

Saw a guy backhand his kid across the face once.

[-]

wookiesack22@reddit

I was spanked but we dont spank our daughter. When my daughter was 3, she was at my parents and she was being really bad throwing heavy things hitting them and not responding to anything they were saying. My dad spanked her and she laughed and was not phased. He didn't tell me! My daughter told me. And I had to explain to my parents they should call me and I can take care of it because we don't spank...I was kind of mad, but I understand they don't have behavior management skills, or patience like my wife and I.

[-]

raelovesryan@reddit

Once I thought about the hypocrisy of spanking (and I’m not talking about discipline/ redirection/ consequences) is that it’s used to scare/ not to educate. It’s used to overwhelm the child/ manipulate and threaten. What I didn’t understand about parenting until I became one: it’s essentially the growing of a solid foundation for the building blocks of the future. We have a very short time to directly influence how they see the world. What it means : we are actively working on empathy/ world awareness/ social justice/ inclusion and recognition of misinformation/ disinformation/ manipulation and the impact it has on daily lives. I’m taking what I experienced/ needed/ wanted and learned from my own experiences and making the conscious decision to give my kids the best of me. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. The difference is that I have always made a point to verbally express out loud in real words any apologies they deserve. I want them to know that everyone can make mistakes and that despite their age, they deserve basic courtesy and respect. They are not our property or our burden, but our priority, our responsibility and our absolute joy.

[-]

AggressiveAd5592@reddit

My parents slapped, spanked and (rarely) belted me, My former partner's dad did all the same and straight hit her in the face, closed fist.

We never struck our daughter in any way.

[-]

sanityjanity@reddit

Definitely not. There are some Alphas still getting spanked

[-]

SusanxStrange@reddit

My mom would only use her hand to spank us because she was whipped with belts and objects as a child and considered that inhumane.

[-]

gohashhi@reddit

It’s illegal to do this where I live

[-]

JeffTS@reddit

I'm not sure if I was ever spanked. My dad threatened me with the belt once and I clearly remember it even though I was still a kid. On the other hand, my older GenX relatives dealt with a grandfather who had a bullwhip and parents (not mine) who had a cattle prod.

[-]

Striking-Win-3239@reddit

My parents never spanked my brother and me. But, that’s because they were both hit with tree rods quite regularly growing up. They thought it was abuse and didn’t want to follow in their footsteps. I did, however, have a bunch of friends were beat on a regular basis. They always wanted to be by my house.

[-]

olduvai_man@reddit

My parents were ruthless compared to me and my peers.

The switch was never spared and they kicked my ass out as a teenager whenever I did anything that they didn't like. Feels like we were the last generation of parents who didn't give a damn about whether you were happy or not lol.

[-]

Ok-Criticism6874@reddit

I know some adlut that need to be spanked

[-]

monkey7247@reddit

I wouldn’t say it’s a “need” exactly, but sometimes my wife says I’ve been a bad boy.

[-]

seeyam14@reddit

yes daddy

[-]

mrnoonan81@reddit

I never did. It wasn't a decision. It just never really came up.

[-]

DjScenester@reddit

My ass is still sore from my father’s belt.

[-]

Mo-Cance@reddit

I was spanked as a kid, and occasionally got it worse. Swore I'd never hit my kids, and I don't.

[-]

AJ14847414@reddit

I remember seeing a paddle on the principals wall in the mid-80’s in elementary that was last used in the late 70’s.

[-]

fermentedradical@reddit

As someone that was physically abused by his parents yeah, I hope so.

[-]

BeanerSchnitzel38@reddit

It's strange, but my wife and I were both pro-spanking as a disciplinary option but collectively we've probably spanked our 3 kids less than 10 times total and two of them are already up there in age. It just hasn't been necessary. Granted, my brother and I were absolute demons in comparison to the way my kids behave.

[-]