Did parents in the 80’s have it much easier?

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Comfortable-Face4593@reddit

Mid 70s latch key kid here. Yup dad worked continental shifts, mum was office 9-5. Got myself to school, got my homework done, skateboarding till 9-10. Repeat. Except in holidays then it was go skating all day. One engineering degree later, yeah I try and be more present for my 3 (eldest just into secondary school) but job is demanding (travel and meetings) I am genuinely too tired to do much other than ask how their day was and hugs. Still try and do lots with them when I can or involve them in diy.

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Healthy_Pilot_6358@reddit

Genuine question….is this how you would want to be remembered?

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Comfortable-Face4593@reddit

Well I try and skate when I can and take them with me. My wife has a genetic back issue so finding a non-skilled job she can take part time has proven impossible , so she is always there. As for your question, it’s a tad facile; we live in SE UK, I need to pay the mortgage and bills - you think I should give up well paying employment and risk that. Wasn’t born into money as I am from one of the uks most deprived areas, so I can’t really not work.

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Healthy_Pilot_6358@reddit

It’s a tough choice isn’t it. My question wasn’t meant in a snarky way, it’s something I’m dealing with myself currently. I’ve been unwell recently and my whole life has been taken over by it and I’m in mental turmoil. I’ve not been in work for 6 weeks or so, so I’ll probably end up getting sacked or something. I’m trying to come to terms with what’s important in my life right now and what to do. If my husband wasn’t the bread winner then I haven’t got a single clue what I would be doing right now but de definitely doesn’t earn enough for us to be able to live of his wage alone. We’d probably have about £50 a month left after all bills etc are paid. I just can’t weigh up right now what’s important to me. If something happens to me then I want my daughter to remember me as the person who loved her more than the entire universe. Sorry 😢

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ZedZebedee@reddit

I've been in your situation but as the breadwinner. The fear of the situation is worse. There are benefits that help ease the financial burden and hopefully it won't be long until things become smoother.

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sgch@reddit

I'm not this person - but I basically only eat dinner with and kiss my kids goodnight Monday to Friday. On the weekends I am mentally exhausted from work. Holidays are great for time with the kids, but the rest of the year is mostly a write-off.

However the money I earn allows my wife to work less so they have a parent present in their lives as much as they need. My wife is able to do every school drop-off, pickup, doctor's appointment. And I earn enough that we don't need to worry too much about money as long as we aren't being silly.

I'm happy to sacrifice my relationship with the kids so they can have a parent available 24/7, a house that's big enough for them, cars that are safe and reliable, they'll be able to go to university if they want. I'm also hoping that putting the time in now during my career means I will have more time to spend with them in a few years when I advance enough to get more free time, hybrid working etc.

My mum was a single mum for the majority of my pre-teen years and she worked incredibly hard to give me the start I have had in life, and I spent a lot of time with my grandparents as a kid. My wife's dad worked every hour god sent so that her and her brother could have what they wanted. We have great relationships with our parents now, and I will be honest I have only vague memories of the first 10 years of my life anyway.

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roloem91@reddit

I worked with children and it blew my mind how many would complain they were bored of summer holidays etc. I think parents feel pressure to entertain 24/7 now and social media definitely doesn’t help. Constantly entertaining them means they don’t learn how to entertain themselves.

Also soft plays are daylight robbery now.

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Pewpew-OuttaMyWaay@reddit

The word ‘bored’ was banned in my house as a kid

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Snoo_said_no@reddit

My parents either answered with "only boring people get bored" or "hi bored, I'm dad"

I don't know how much of this is an 80s/90s thing. Or a village/city thing (I was born in 85, & raised in a village. I have a 4&7 year old being raised in a city).

But I remember playing out in the street (we lived in a cul-de-sac) daily with other kidsz from literally 2/3. From 8-8 there were kids out, just riding bikes or playing ball. No grown ups out. But if you fell over and was bleeding, someone's parent would appear or another kid would run and chap your door for your mum, or run and get their mum. Or a grown up would appear... Not necessarily your grown up.

4 was the age I was able to go past "the street lamp" (that marked the end of of the cul de sac) and to the playpark about 6-8 min walk away. By 7/8 I could skate or ride as far as my bike or skateboard could take me!

I now get funny looks for letting my kids in the park while I stand outside with the dog. The idea of letting a kid play out alone at under 10 is basically child neglect now.

It was hard to be bored when you could just go call for friends or skate round till you made a new one!

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mandyhtarget1985@reddit

Im very similar to you. 85 born, cul-de-sac off another cul-de-sac so minimal traffic, older brother and sister and lots of neighbours with similarly aged kids so you were turfed out with your bike, roller boots or skateboard and expected to keep yourself entertained until tea time when mum would stand at the front door and yell our names. I remember very vividly being told to go and play in the street and give mum some peace!

We moved when i was around 6 to a house on a busy main road so i couldnt just go out and play all day. But i was a very creative child so any craft activity could keep me amused for hours during summer hols.

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here_involuntarily@reddit

I moved from inner Bristol to my hometown. I always thought it was boring, and didn't have much to do. But it's been great for my daughter. She's able to play with the other kids in our street every day. We walk home from school by half 3 and she's out on her scooter or running around with 2-8 other kids until I call her in for tea. They knock on the door and call for her. They sit and play board games in my drive way. Sometimes we bump into her friends walking home and we detour to the park. She's about to turn 9 and I'm so happy she gets to have this kind of childhood. I'd never been able to do this in the city.

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Certain-Donut-9175@reddit

I live in a cul de sac in a village and kids still play out in the street on evenings and weekends. Probably youngest is about 7 unsupervised but its nice to see them riding their bikes around playing with skateboards, making forts on the fields behind etc rather than being sat on ipads.

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melikebiscuit@reddit

"Hi bored, I'm dad" is peak dad joke 🤣

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KungenBob@reddit

I am so glad I moved to Scandinavia where children can still be free range without raising eyebrows.

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Jinx-Put-6043@reddit

“Only boring people get bored” was what I was always told!

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ibiacmbyww@reddit

Ooh, I can feel my blood boiling...

My mother would say that. When I got a little older I pointed out that, if you put someone in an empty room, they would get bored; does that make them boring, or is boredom a natural response to an understimulating environment? If anything, boredom could be indicative of being less boring, since your threshold for entertainment seems to be higher!

The bruises took about a week to go down.

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UltraFab@reddit

Were you often placed in empty rooms as a child?

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ibiacmbyww@reddit

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/hypothetical

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UltraFab@reddit

So...no?

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here_involuntarily@reddit

I was told this too and now I say it to my nephews.

My daughter is never bored. She never says she is. She's always been able to entertain herself wherever, whenever. But when I'm looking after my nephews they have full on tantrums because they want to watch YouTube on their tablets. And I don't let them. So they whinge they're bored. They have no concept of finding entertainment outside of their tablet.

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regulator202@reddit

Yep. I catch myself saying it to mine now.

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Ashamed-Assumption12@reddit

Me too. I also say it to my husband as after the football season is over, he's bored.

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mmmmgummyvenus@reddit

I remember my mum saying if I was bored I could tidy my bedroom and if that didn't appeal then I obviously wasn't that bored after all

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maersyl@reddit

When I was a kid, if I said to my dad I was bored, he'd respond with "good! It means you've got nothing to be stressed about. When you're my age, boredom is a luxury."

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Eddie173312@reddit

How true is that!

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Monsoon_Storm@reddit

"If you're really bored I'll find something for you to do"

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blueroses8000@reddit

What my immigrant dad used to incorrectly say in our language whilst attempting to incorporate the English word “bored” into it was hilarious and so accidentally perfect.

He’d say “Have you become boring?”. He only meant to ask if I’m bored but what he ended up saying was actually poetic.

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f23n09fnu0w@reddit

Mine too 😄
I was only allowed to be bored outside the house.

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Teh_yak@reddit

This is a worry for me with my child. I desperately want them to be able to handle boredom. I'm never bored if I'm left on my own. I can be utterly mindblowingly bored in meetings, but that's another thing entirely.

Boredom's generally a lack of imagination, I suspect.

When I was a kid, if any of us said we're bored, the answer would be "Go pick up leaves in the garden then." My parents were fine with us asking or suggesting to do something, but boredom complaints weren't tolerated. Fair play though, I remember my dad walking in and saying he was bored once, then looking at us, then walking out into the garden to pick up leaves.

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jools4you@reddit

If i told my mum I was bored as a kid she gave me house work to do, suddenly I had things to do outside

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melikebiscuit@reddit

"Bored" gets you chores in my house 🤣 my kids are 8 and 11. They are subsequently very good at entertaining themselves.

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weatherwaxs_broom@reddit

Classic 😄 same in our house. She's learning!

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Adventurous_Deal2788@reddit

I've banned it in mine if I hear it I have a list of jobs around the house they can chose from

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United-Temporary-648@reddit

Kids need to be bored to spark imagination. The more you helicopter, the more they can't do things for themselves.

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SupportNo9543@reddit

Very true, boredom is a required experience for imaginative development

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Ok_Loss_3204@reddit

only boring people get bored is what I was told

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itzzzzmileyyyy@reddit

The phrase ‘I don’t know’ was banned in mine

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banwe11@reddit

As a busy adult now, I miss being bored. I think the times of boredom as a kid (of which there were many) encouraged me to be creative and come up with my own ideas for things to do. In contrast my 9 year old nephew goes to pieces when he is bored because he is so used to having entertainment provided.

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Red-Peril@reddit

If my kids ever complained of boredom I just suggested that perhaps in that case they could tidy their bedrooms. Amazing how that always ended in untidied bedrooms and all of the, somehow finding themselves something to do 😂.

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AnEnglishAmongScots@reddit

I was always bored in the summer holidays because I had nothing to do. Shipped off to a childminder for a bit, was actually quite fun because her kid and I were good friends. But the rest of the summer, stuck at home. Not allowed to go to the park, not allowed to invite people over who weren’t pre-approved, nobody to play any games with as both parents working.

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Formal-Proposal7850@reddit

I was born in 88 and I remember being bored all the time during summer. Had a single mom who worked. I had to figure shit out for myself.

And I’m so glad I had the opportunity to get bored. When I was younger, it would encourage me to do arts and crafts with whatever I could get my hands on round the house, or to go play out with the neighbour kids. When I was older, it encouraged me to read books or take myself off for a walk.

Having time to get bored is developmentally appropriate. Kids have to learn how to regulate themselves

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Material_Break3593@reddit

Standards were certainly lower

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Reasonable-Ad1170@reddit

I’m
Older than you and my eldest is a young teen.

Yes in some ways. I got up to stupid shit as a kid. But it’s not recorded and added on line.i fell in a river as teen. No records exist of the stupid crap.

Kids were horrible and mean sometimes but it was the 1990s no one could get me when I walked in my front door. (When I was his age) him he can get kids messaging him online and the abuse can be everywhere. He can have tik toks made and the abuse starts there.

Yes my mum had no idea where the hell I was sometimes and we know where the boy is all the time. I just had to be in when the street lights were on. That was our clock!

So yeah I worry about my kiddo a lot. Just as much as my mother probably worried about me and my elder siblings.
The worries are different for different reasons.

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KatVanWall@reddit

Born same year as you (an only child if that changes anything). My mum didn’t do a lot of entertaining me’ in the summer holidays, but I remember my parents taking me on lots of weekend days out as a kid and I LOVED it. I might have been a slightly weird kid because I was interested in WWI and WWII aircraft, and if we got to go to an aircraft museum of some sort that was a great day! I also loved steam fairs and anything historical basically!

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Glittering_Win_5085@reddit

The time period is not the only variable here though, it's also you. You're not your parents. It sounds like you reach into your wallet to solve your daughters boredom, wheres in earlier times perhaps parents did not see their children's boredom as a problem to solve as much.

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Appropriate-Row4534@reddit

We were able to be free range kids back then, now its all organised meet ups just to hang out for kids up to a certain age, then add to that the parents wanting to impress other parents etc.

My family has a holiday/mobile home by the beach, when kids of all ages are there for the summers, they have the best of times, like I used to have at there age there.

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Intrepid_Bearz@reddit

Parents seemed a bit more selfish back then. I was born in ‘76 and yes we had a lot of freedom during the week. But weekends were always spent doing what Mum and Dad wanted. Saturdays was watching dad play cricket. None of the rest of us enjoyed it, and it took up the whole day as we’d have to drive miles to get of where the game was played. He was one step below professional and took it very seriously where I couldn’t have cared less as I had 0 interest in sports. Sunday we all had to go to church, then we’d have my grandparents, uncle and aunt and cousins over or we’d go to early church service and drive with grandparents or uncles house for Sunday lunch. One night a week dad would play badminton so I had to go as well. I hated it so much.
I was told I was going to have piano lessons and I was told I was going horse riding. I was not musically inclined and really dislike horses, but it was decided that’s what I was going to do. My sister was to do piano and ballet. As kids we didn’t have a say and we did what they chose. They didn’t think up fun stuff for us.
My nephews get holidays planned around them and their likes - Legoland, swimming pools in hotels, things they want.
Back in the early 80s - the kids likes and wants weren’t considered. Well not in my family anyway. I don’t know if they had it easy, my Mum worked full time to send my sister and I to private schools, even though dad earned decent money - he wasn’t going to “waste it” on education for us. Dad worked days - left the house before 7 and came back in time to read me a bedtime story/fall asleep on the floor. Mum worked nights as a nurse, so they worked pretty hard. They did what they thought was best for us kids but never thought to ask us if any of it was what we wanted.

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sgst@reddit

But weekends were always spent doing what Mum and Dad wanted. Saturdays was watching dad play cricket. None of the rest of us enjoyed it, and it took up the whole day as we’d have to drive miles to get of where the game was played.

I'm an 80s kid but my weekends were sort of similar. They were usually spent driving to Wickes or B&Q to get DIY stuff, then the rest of the weekend was doing my own thing while they did DIY, with me occasionally being roped in to help.

Either that or going with them on work trips, which was even worse. Sat in the car with my Game Boy while they went to meetings for hours.

As on only child, I spent a lot of time by myself!

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Critical_Hedgehog451@reddit

It sounds like your dad didn't really care in terms of your education, have you ever asked him?

And maybe they were thinking of what was best for you and your future, but yes you're right not really considering your wants and needs, might be worth having a chat with them about it to hear their reasoning - might make more sense

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BoopingBurrito@reddit

Plenty of folk don't see any value in a private education - usually folk who didn't have one and are earning good money.

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RogeredSterling@reddit

Don't think that's fair on dad.

Their are plenty with the money who don't believe in sending to private schools. Go on he HENRY sub.

Often people have had their own horrific experiences there or take the view that it is poor value even with a good experience (it nearly always is). A good state school is nearly always as good/better, with similar outcomes.

I personally only know three who attended different public/private schools. Fucked them all up. All their kids go to state.

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LiliWenFach@reddit

I feel sorry for my mum because dad spent every single Saturday growing up doing his hobbies, child free, and we were at home with mum doing housework and shopping, and our own hobbies. Dads were certainly more selfish about prioritising their own interests. I think there was also more of am expectation that kids would just sit quietly and behave themselves while parents did what they wanted. I can remember being taken to numerous family visits and just expected to sit for hours at a time, saying nothing. Husband would regularly be left sitting outside a pub with a bag of crisps while his parents sat inside, drinking. Can't imagine doing that today!

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Living-Health962@reddit

I have a large gap between my kids, eldest is 35 and youngest is 13. The older ones spent holidays and weekends entertaining themselves with friends between holidays and days out. My 13 year old needs constant entertainment, hates going out with friends and I struggle so much. The cost, the planning, the stress !!

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Jinx-Put-6043@reddit

Yes I was thinking this the other day about school. My children are both at secondary school - one doing GCSEs and I get a constant barrage of emails daily from school about when my children have got a ‘green’ point or a ‘red’, timetable changes, all sorts of revision stuff, there is extra revision sessions which I need to say if he is going to go and take / collect him from, loads of info on homework and all the stuff they are meant to be learning. It’s completely overwhelming and I was thinking my parents can’t have had to deal with any of this!
As well as the pressure to be having wonderful family time at weekends too!

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pajamakitten@reddit

I used to teach primary. You get told by the head and deputy head to do this sort of thing as part of behaviour management, you get a bollocking if you do not do it enough. They think it looks good and want to show it off to Ofsted.

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oliries@reddit

That’s so crazy to me, It must be super overwhelming for parents now!

I finished high school a decade ago and the only time my mum was informed of anything was parent teacher day or the small amount of permission letters I got for various things. She had no idea about my timetable or what I was learning unless I let her know. We were largely left to organise homework and activities on our own to promote independence.

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gponter79@reddit (OP)

Yes exactly this too! I get multiple notifications from school daily (even at weekends) about points, and activities, and reminders….. my folks just had to deal with parents evening once a year! 🙃

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MoodyBernoulli@reddit

We had to get our planner signed by a parent weekly so that the could acknowledge any comments written in there by teachers.

Even that was a tedious task for parents in the 90s. I eventually started forging my mums signature and she was cool with it because it meant she didn’t have to do it.

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NeilSilva93@reddit

Probably due to the amount of targets they get. Schools seem to be measured on all sorts of shit now.

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Willoweed@reddit

That and the constant questions from parents. This works both ways - parents get driven crazy by constant emails from the school but, if the school doesn't do that, they get a barrage of questions from parents.

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Nkhotak@reddit

A lot of that free time would have been taken up by chores and life admin that technology has made so much simpler my mum didn’t have a washing machine so had to take things to the laundrette or was by hand. No dishwasher/microwave/airfyer to speed up mealtimes either.

Banking had to be done in person at the branch, letters had to be handwritten and posted. Fewer people had cars. They might have done less hands on childcare but every other aspect of life took more effort.

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gponter79@reddit (OP)

That’s a good observation

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spinningdice@reddit

Hah, as an undiagnosed ADHD/Autistic kid, I'm surprised my mum kept me sometimes (also we're pretty confident my mum is autistic as well, but she's not interested in being diagnosed in her 70s).

I was forever escaping school, in detention, getting in trouble and never voluntarily leaving the house. My saving graces were I never wanted to go anywhere except home and I was good at exams.

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who-gives-a@reddit

Young people today seem to think we had it good (money wise) in the 70s and 80s. Cheaper houses, cheaper mortgages. My parents didn't have a car until I was 16, similar with a house phone, let alone 4 mobiles. Mum had a manual washing machine, we got a chest freezer when I was about 11 and that was the first time we had burgers on tap. Basically, the money we had back then was to live on, we couldn't afford or get to soft play areas etc. I think this is why we played out all day. We were skint just getting by.

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MultiMidden@reddit

I guess part of the problem is self reinforcing doomscrolling on social media, they've convinced themselves that they have it harder that anyone else ever did end of story. They can't understand that things were hard back in the 70s and 80s but hard in a different way to today.

Today AI might be putting people out of work, back in the 70s it would have been factory automation. Difference is it's white collar (a fair proportion of redditors) jobs that are under threat rather than blue collar.

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montyrattus@reddit

I remember being bored mad as a kid sat outside praying for rain, I was not allowed inside u till it got dark or it pissed down and it was no fun if none of your friends were around.

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Ok_Buffalo_7369@reddit

Unpopular opinion. The increasing dominance of cars has come at the cost of our children’s freedom. Once you start reading into this it’s a real eye opener. In the Netherlands kids go everywhere independently (and safely) on bikes which reduces the burden on parents (and particularly mothers) Another side effect of a lack of shared space to play in is that kids don’t mix with everyone, instead they have organised playdates with kids from similar backgrounds, which has lead to a more divided and less empathetic society

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Societal_effects_of_cars

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OddStep2164@reddit

Single mum and secondary school teacher here. Born 1972. My boys are now 20 and 22 but back when they were young (2006 ish onwards) they just played out every day in the holidays. I live in a small rural town and I’m so pleased my kids basically had my own childhood. Out on bikes with all their friends from the street, coming home to ask for a biscuit or a lolly, then away out again. Going to the shop for sweets, kicking a football on the street, going up to the footy pitch to have a ragtag match with whoever was there, climbing trees, hiding down the back lane etc. No mobile phones. I deliberately moved back to my childhood town when eldest was born so they could have the same childhood as me.
Also as a single mum I just didn’t have enough money to take them to lots of activities. We used to go to the Big Asda to look at the toys and have a cuppa as a treat haha!

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No-Echo-8927@reddit

It is all about boredom - not trying to to avoid it, but ensuring you include it.
It's best explained here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BImKhRGmHLE&list=LL&index=70

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According-Let3541@reddit

I’m a teacher and I often do residential trips abroad. Our itineraries always have ‘free time’ built in so that everyone has some unstructured time. There are always some pupils who do not cope with this - I don’t mean those with ASD etc, as we can plan for that. It’s often our pupils who are more middle class or have more helicopter parents who just can’t understand what they are meant to do during this time. They are so used to having their time filled for them or being told what to do during this time that just being left to their own devices is totally alien. I honestly believe it’s good for kids to be given time to be ‘bored’ and work out what they like doing for themselves. It’s so difficult when you have a pupil with no idea how to occupy themselves without direction from someone else.

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Equal_Prior_1350@reddit

I was born late 80's. I grew up in a rural area, so it might be a bit different. There was a whole group of kids my age and from about age 7 we had the run of the village. We cycled over to our mates' houses, over to the next village that had a SHOP (the excitement!). My younger sister started doing this at about 5 because it was understood that the older siblings would keep an eye on the younger ones. We did not. We snuck into barns, fished in the pond, climbed trees.

My parents ran the pub in the village, and the way they saw it was that they were around if we needed them. I think some of the other parents were stay at home mums... There were also old people who we used to just visit with no warning if we needed some water or someone fell off their bike. So we weren't constantly supervised or entertained but we had a safety net.

Actually, it sounds ridiculously idyllic now.

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DalMakhani@reddit

Same (minus the pub). My parents were very present in my life and were slightly heavier than most when it came to rules and boundaries at home, but once you were out on your own it felt like you could do whatever you liked. This had some downsides of course but I think was mostly positive.

I'm not a parent and live in a big city now. If I were to have children it would be difficult to sensibly offer them anywhere near these kind of freedoms. In a village that would be easier I suppose. I know nostalgia is dangerous, and this subject really does make me feel like one of those boomers enthusing about rag and bone men, but reading some of these comments and the (self-imposed?) pressure on my friends who are parents does make me sad.

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obb223@reddit

Parents hadn't heard of pedos back then presumably. Knocking on some random old guy's house for a drink would not go down well now. People used to knock on our house every now and then for water, was slightly odd and awkward but not totally bizarre.

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GuybrushFunkwood@reddit

78 child here. Yeh we were basically feral. Came back at lunch for a sarnie then as long as we were back in the house before the streetlights came on there were no questions asked

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f23n09fnu0w@reddit

Three of my mates and I found this random guy who was going caving for the weekend. We were around 9 or 10 and asked if we could come. He's like sure, if you ask your parents. We lied and said we had and it was fine. So we went caving for 2 days and it was great. Got in sooooo much trouble for that.

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RogeredSterling@reddit

87 here and exactly the same.

Halfway across our large town on bike with god knows who until dark. No mobile.

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Zestyclose-Turn-3576@reddit

> In 20 years time will my kids look back and remember how incredibly involved we were as they grew up

As the parent of three kids in their 20s, I'm sorry to say that kids are unlikely to remember anything more than a few scraps from their early years. Hang on to those photos ... you can never have enough!

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FreckledHomewrecker@reddit

My kids are 8 & 9. In the last year their memories have disappeared. My oldest used to remember everything, he’d surprise me frequently by remembering tiny details of days out when he was 3. But it’s like his brain has run a software update and freed up some storage. Neither of them remember half the stuff they did 12 months ago.

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Zestyclose-Turn-3576@reddit

To take an extreme example, my step-son came back from school one day, when he was maybe eight or nine, and when questioned had nothing to report on the day's schooling at all. Just another day.

In the evening an update to parents had a photo of him in class handling a live snake.

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sgch@reddit

It's probably the shift from early years education to proper school. Reception and year 1 nowadays are still filled with play, but when they shift to year 2 and 3 they are in proper school - sitting down at a table with a pen and paper for the full day.

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DameKumquat@reddit

I was 6 in 1980. My middle-class area had already got the Fear of letting kids roam free (to be fair, a couple violent rapists were active near the stations), so kids were confined to the cul-de-sac. The kids my age and older all rode bikes and wouldn't talk to me, so it was pretty antisocial.

But there was much less expectation on parents. Maybe one performance a year at school that kids were invited to, one school trip to pay for. No dress-up days, one mufti day in the juniors upwards. Doing one activity a week was plenty (and taking the kids to Sunday school so the parents had two hours alone with free babysitting).b

A huge amount of being vaguely bored at home, mum on the phone most of the time. Lots of reading and watching whatever shit was on the 3 TV channels. Also less expectations if parents did take kids to the park or swimming - you'd be totally ignored for a few hours while parents chatted to each other. Now one parent can't take more than 2 kids swimming and has to be in the water with them. Mum would never have done that.

Huge change in expectations now.

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CornelliSausage@reddit

Yeah because you could just kick your kids out and there would be other kids out too and they could all do fun stuff together. Now you can send your kid out but there won’t be anyone for them to play with because everyone else is playing video games or being entertained by their parents.

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extremelyhedgehog299@reddit

Oh, our parents organised all sorts of fun activities for us in the 80s. Paint the fence, wash the car, weed the garden, mow the lawn…

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truman_chu@reddit

'79 kid here.

I think it's the after-school clubs that are the main difference. My two daughters, between them, have football, swimming, ballet, piano, drumming, gymnastics and singing classes. They have one or two evenings off a week, but there's something on for one of them every single day, including weekends. My time after work is generally driving/walking them to and from clubs. I like it, it makes me feel somewhat involved and gives us some good time to chat about this and that. I can't stand the "dad's taxi service" type whinging from some - I think it's a privilege to be wanted. I know it won't last forever and I'll enjoy it while it's there.

I remember going to one single cubs intro evening, not liking it and not be offered or doing anything extra-curricular for the entirety of my childhood. I don't know what my parents did with their time, but it wasn't taking me to clubs.

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_salted_caramel_00@reddit

Spot on, and it’s definitely not just you.

80s parenting was just a completely different world. Our parents didn't have to be our fulltime entertainers. They just opened the back door,told us to be home when the streetlights came on, and actually got to relax.

Now, between the social media pressure and the endless £50 soft play traps, modern parenting is just a 24/7 exhaustion cycle.

but...look at your 21-year-old. That close bond you have now is the direct result of how involved you've been. Your younger kids will look back and feel that exact same way.

You're doing great, but seriously,give yourself permission to just throw them in the garden with some toys next weekend and drink a coffee in peace. 80s style.

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Appropriate_Tell6746@reddit

Mines older now and remembers being at soft play but not specific days or events in soft play. I think its one of the more depressing parts of parenting that you are aware their brain is growing so you do x,y,z to help it but when the brain actually does grow they don’t remember you doing it. It’s like asking a flower to thank you and remember you watered it 4 months prior, the flower just is and you know what you did to help it.

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thetrueGOAT@reddit

Its not depressing, thats the point. Everything you do, all the fun, cuddles, days out etc. make them the person they are.

The flower is the fruit of your hardwork. Enjoy it, dont be sad it doesn't remember being watered.

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Majestic_Owl2618@reddit

Yet, it’s still me after this recent bank holiday weekend out with toddler.

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Zavodskoy@reddit

I always feel sorry for parents in this weather, I went into Tesco yesterday to do a food shop and I could hear a lady pleading with her child to be patient as Tesco was the only place they'd been all day with Air-con and she just wanted to stand and chill for 5 minutes

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regulator202@reddit

What a lovely comment

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SourcePleaseMate@reddit

Does anyone know how to use an apostrophe correctly? Why would you put one after 80? Then use it properly for ‘79?

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atomic_mermaid@reddit

I don't know that older parents necessarily had loads more down time. Remember they weren't living the life of convenience and relative luxury we do now. I imagine a lot were doing more hours in harder/more physical jobs, and then the same when they got home.

I feel like life was a bit harder back then, more making things from scratch, more make do and mend. I imagine the time without their kids was majority spent working and running the household.

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Nomoreorangecarrots@reddit

It definitely wasn’t harder for my folks. I grew up in the 80s. My mother stayed home til my youngest sibling went to school. My dad had an office job, I work a lot more hours than either of them. They have never worked a weekend or a bank holiday in their life where I’ve worked so many I lost count.

They would go on holidays without us kids once a year while grandparents watched all of us.

My parents could work a summer job and pay off their university, where by the time I went that wasn’t in close to being true,

My aunts watched us, my grandparents watched us, other parents took us away on holiday with their kids. No one has watched my kids overnight, except twice in an emergency when I had to beg friends when my other child was hospitalized.

They couldn’t sew so nothing is lended. We went out to eat a lot with coupons or kids eat free. We did go on vacations and days out and did sports but it wasn’t as expensive as now.

They retired early with good pensions and now spent their whole lives traveling.

Many of my friends parents are the same. I’m in my 40s. Hard to look at them and feel bad for them or see how their lives were harder. I’m not saying they didn’t work hard, but they were better off in almost every way compared to myself.

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Chimpstrider@reddit

You're right that people didn't feel the need to provide paid entertainment for their kids, but it seems entirely voluntary?

You could just not over organise these things and let your kids play like you did?

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weirwoodheart@reddit

I was 10-12 early 2000s, and I think I was probably somewhere in the middle. My parents were divorced so generally my dad took us out every other weekend for soft play, horse riding, petting zoos etc. but at home after school or weekends with mom, I was out with my friends walking the neighbourhood, riding bikes, exploring, hanging at eachother's houses if it was raining. It was 'back home before the streetlights came on', until we got the old Nokia bricks and then she would text us. We mostly entertained ourselves. I remember once we spent hours digging up pieces of smashed tea cup in a field pretending it was archaeology or something.

I think things have definitely changed, there's a lot more pressure on parents to know exactly where your children are and what they're doing at all times, and maximising it for their 'development'. Whether that's because of stuff like more cars in the street so greater risk and you can't just kick a ball about, less neighbours keeping an eye on the kids so they don't get snatched, less green woodlands and fields to explore in, or social shifts in the kids themselves so theyre more interested in looking perfect so they can take selfies to prove they 'went out' rather than just enjoy going out, no idea.

But I do think my generation might have been one of the last to just go outside and see where it took us. And that's kind of sad.

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bartread@reddit

I was born in '76 and feel the same. Have two step-daughters, a bit older than your kids.

Granted I grew up poor on a council estate but any kind of trip anywhere was a rare treat back in the day. Like you, most evenings after school and weekends I was out on my bike or, from 1987 onwards, playing on my computer.

I had no expectations of parents arranging activities for me at the weekend but now... yeah. Always something going on, always having to spend money. I don't mind it because we *can* afford it but it's very obvious to me that children do take it all for granted, which isn't surprising if they haven't known anything else... but it can be a bit if/wearing when they start acting spoiled or entitled.

The real problem for us is that whilst our oldest is perfectly capable and happy to entertain herself, and actually often wants to do her own thing, our youngest (only a year younger) seems molecularly incapable of doing so.

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sharpied79@reddit

Your parents were probably working their arses off in the 80/90's (just like my parents) especially when interest/mortgage rates were hitting 15-17% and they probably needed to hold down at least two jobs to keep a roof over your head...

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Belsnickel7777@reddit

Growing up in the 90s in my case, I don't think it would have been that different to the 80s. We didn't really have holidays abroad in my family going up, I would normally be out playing football, and doing stuff outside with friends, evenings would be telly, SNES/Playstation or a book in my case. If my friends were out with their families I'd just stay in and would often finish a book in a day or two. We'd have lots of days out though, the Lake District isn't far from where I used to live, and who can forget Camelot , used to love going there on random days with my parents, I remember them frequently getting discounts, was a nice little theme park in Lancashire

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Neither_Process_7847@reddit

They didn't have the opportunities that many parents do now (the 80s was a seriously rougher time than many seem to remember!) but expectations were less and most families could afford to have one parent working and one looking after the home. Which made a big difference. Plus there was more willingness to send the kids out to play together, oddly given it was objectively a much more dangerous time.

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fenlanddipper@reddit

But way less cars on the road which is the game changer for me. I would let my kids play out if there were hardly any cars but people go down my little residential road at 30-40mph all day using it as cut through.

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Neither_Process_7847@reddit

Fewer drunks at the wheel of those cars though (admittedly far fewer SUV death machines)

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fenlanddipper@reddit

Yes true, but my Dad used to cycle from village to village on the country road when he was a kid to see if friends and he said he would see maybe one or two cars the whole day (in the 50s/60s but still. Nowadays it’s a constant stream of 60mph traffic and I would feel nervous about an adult regularly cycling it. I think it’s a huge way that children have become more dependent on parents and their freedoms curtailed but I feel like people don’t talk about it enough.

I would say in my small city there are fewer drunks driving for sure than in the past but more coked up boy racers.

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fenlanddipper@reddit

You think there were less people drink driving in the past?! Probably less people on drugs then for sure, but it was way more socially acceptable (and legal) to drive home after the pub after drinking in the past than it is now.

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TheDawiWhisperer@reddit

not really, they just had different problems

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Wart_Time_L32@reddit

Turned up to an office, handed over a CV and was offered a job with a. Simple basic can you do x and y.

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Snazzles@reddit

I think expectations on parents now Vs 80s is very different. Life is also very different nowadays.

In the 80s, most people still lived quite close to their families (siblings/ parents/ grandparents/ aunties). In some cases it was a few streets over, in others the next town/ village over. There were a few outliers who moved miles away from their families but in the 80s (particularly working class/ industrial areas), most boys got their father's jobs or went into their father's workplace. So if your dad was a miner/ foundry worker/ factory worker so we're you. Hence most people lived close to their families. Usually whole families worked in the same workplace - it's why shutting the mines was devastating for many miners.

Having family close by meant many people had that "village" that people speak of missing nowadays. It also meant that you had lots of close babysitters in family members.

Whilst married women were no longer banned from the workplace, there were still many women who left the workplace after marriage and children. Particularly older women who had been affected by the married women workplace ban. This meant there were many women who were at home. This in effect means it's less lonely for women on maternity leave and women with young children as lots of other mums were not working with young children.

On the front of young children, expectations of parenting are different. Children were very much expected to fit in with the family. There are many adults nowadays who were children in the 80s who talk about having to play in the pub beer garden/ car park whilst their parents drank in the pub. It was normal for children to play out in the streets with other children in the street (often their cousins) and roam whilst parents got on with jobs. Many parents allowed their children out until dusk. Child centred activities were rare - birthdays and special occasions. I'm a 90s kid and round us the first softplays were in pubs. We didn't get a dedicated soft play centre until the 2000s. Same with clubs, you were very posh if you went dancing/ sports clubs/ music lessons. For most children who did a club it was brownies/ scouts in the church hall and some working men's clubs/ youth centres would run a "youth club" which was very cheap to get in and your mum gave you money for the tuck shop where you and your mates would just get high on sugar for 2 hours - all supervised by 2 adults (often of questionable nature or half drunk). Most children went to school, came home and played out on the street until dusk or when mum shouted tea.

Nowadays we put our children first. We take them out, we send them to clubs, many children now attend breakfast club, school, after school club or after school activities. At the weekend we take them out or they do clubs. It is absolutely frowned upon to leave your kids in the car to go to the pub. Some people even get uptight about kids been in their gardens for hours a day.

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off_of_is_incorrect@reddit

In 20 years time will my kids look back and remember how incredibly involved we were as they grew up.

That's the major difference though (IMO), parents back then were very hands off, if they were involved at all beyond kicking your head in for misbehaving. I think there's been a massive shift in attitudes towards parenting.

I remember a lot of physical punishment (not me, others), a 'do as I say not as I do' attitude, little, if any affection, and an expectation you'd bugger off and keep yourself occupied. Don't get me wrong, I think most kids back then were provided for monetarily or entertainment wise, especially when video gaming became a thing.

I have memories of Xmas being an adult/kid separation, with adults getting blind drunk, and kids just occupying themselves with whatever presents they got.

It is wildly different today IMO, I see a lot more engagement from parents, there's heavy promotion of relationships, especially for fathers, who definitely used to be a lot more hands off back in the day. There's a lot more encouragement for play-time and bonding and of course attitudes towards physical punishment has changed completely.

So, maybe they did have it 'easier' but, whether they were good, all round parents is a different matter.

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Affectionate-Cost525@reddit

Different parents raised their children differently.

I was born in the 90's and my usual weekend from about 12 onwards was my mum going out on a Friday night and potentially not seeing her again until Sunday afternoon. Sometimes it wouldn't be until after school on Monday.

Parents definitely seemed to be less hands on in the past but there are still plenty now who are quite lax with it. Especially once the child gets to 10+

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NW-82@reddit

I was born in the early 80’s and going out was a massive part of my parents lives too. Not as bad as yours, but still memorably so. I vividly remember them going out separately or together very very regularly. Tupperware parties, bingo, darts, pool, just regular binge drinking nights out. There’d often be babysitters around over the weekends, or my brother and I would be sent to our aunt’s house for sleepovers and it was normal amongst my school friends.

Fast forward to now, and my relationship with my parents is stressful. I see them as little as possible, but not really because of their past behaviour, more so because they don’t now do what was done for them. My husband and I have a 5YO, and they act like we have to have a special occasion to want to do anything together. They’ll babysit for a few hours for a wedding anniversary or birthday, but we still need to be home for bedtime. They’ll make comments about how some people don’t seem to want to spend time with their children nowadays and are always off out without them. Our 5YO has stayed over at their house a grand total of three nights in their whole lives, and they act like they are the world’s best grandparents.

They somehow don’t remember how they acted when they had young children themselves.

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Scottish_squirrel@reddit

My mum was always bored at home so we had many days to the beach. Always took a packed lunch and rarely got a treat. Now I try be the same but I'm disorganised half the time to make the packed lunch

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Caddy666@reddit

there was less shitstirring in the media, so thats one way it was easier.

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purple_sun_@reddit

I was a teen in the ‘80s and it was the era of threads, when the wind blows and that terrifying tv ad protect and survive. It’s was politically uncertain and I thought nuclear war was coming. So I guess some things stay the same.

It was also the era of aids, which now at least is treatable. But freedom and no phones. The start of video games which were exciting at the time. How we laughed when we gathered round the tv to play ping pong

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paulmclaughlin@reddit

It was also the era of aids, which now at least is treatable.

There were other terrible diseases that we were more concerned about, such as skill.

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Ashamed-Assumption12@reddit

Born in 73 to older, traditional parents. Mum at home, Dad worked two jobs. We lived on a council estate but were lucky it was a stones throw from Wimbledon Common & Richmond Park.

As kids in the summer holidays we'd be out all day. My mum would make us packed lunch and leave it at the bottom of a cool box on the balcony (ground floor flat) so we didn't have to knock or be in and out all day. But days out with my parents were mainly walking the dog around both Richmond Park & Wimbledon. My Dad used to take us fishing in RP too. For some reason we occasionally went to St.Katherines docks and I remember my Dad once taking me in a coach trip to Alton Towers.

My own kids were spoilt with Merlin passes (thanks to Tesco clubcard) as we live close to Chessington and not far from Thorpe Park & Legoland.

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Active_Arugula_7079@reddit

I keep telling mine to get on his bmx and go get a bag of gemstones from the pirate ship so we can keep up with the mortgage, but he just looks at me blankly from his minecraft videos bro.

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paulmclaughlin@reddit

Sending your kids to search for one-eyed willie is frowned upon nowadays.

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leoinclapham@reddit

My daughter used to hang out with her primary school friends at the local park in the holidays. This was just a couple of years ago, she is now in secondary school and prefers to hang out in Bluewater shopping mall with her friends. Doesn't seem too different to when I was growing up in the 80s.

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Element77@reddit

I was born mid 80's so more 90's for me, but both my grandparents lived with us growing up. My parents both worked full time, so my grandparents (who didn't work) got me ready for school and greeted me afterwards but I'd be straight back out playing after school and on weekends anyway. I remember spending barely any time whatsoever in the house.

My dad passed few years back and I fell out with my mum after I told her I'll never trust my kids with her until she got hearing aids (too stubborn to admit she's practically deaf). My in-laws both still work so therefore my wife works evening and weekends whilst I do the 9-5 to make ends meet.

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MainCartographer4022@reddit

When I think about my childhood in the 80s and 90s, I have some great memories of doing things with my dad - camping in the garden, feeding the ducks, helping in the garden, going to bike rides. My mum wasn't very outdoorsy or hands on, which I can understand as she was knackered a lot of the time from working nights, but the consequence is I don't have the same kind of memories with her and was always closer to my dad. Was it easier for them? I think they had more hands on help from family members, not only grandparents but aunts and uncles.

I do think we have more awareness nowadays of better ways to parent, but I think we also have more pressure along with that to 'get it right'.

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Linden_Lea_01@reddit

Sorry to disappoint you but I don’t think your kids will remember it as well as you hope lol. I was born in the early 2000s so in my mid 20s now, and even though I definitely did lots with my parents I can hardly remember doing any of it except a few more major events. I remember doing stuff with other kids much more easily for some reason though.

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FatherPaulStone@reddit

Kids used to live in their parents world - the amount of time I spent sat round in a pub, snooker all or football match. Nowadays parents live in their kids world. I don’t do nearly as many ‘me’ things as my Dad did where my kids just sit in the corner and watch.

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citruspers2929@reddit

I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have gone out on your bike, coming home to be fed when you were a “4/6 yr old”. I think you’re comparing being a teenager to much younger children.

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whyy_i_eyes_ya@reddit

I was 6 in 89, had some loose boundaries asked of me but would happily wander further. After James Bulger we had to send one kid back to base every hour or two to let all the parents know we were okay. But other than that, free range. And bikes extended the range hugely. This was Birmingham, not some rural idyll. It was just normal.

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msmoth@reddit

'79 as well. We didn't have the funds for lots of experiences or holidays so we'd get the odd day trip to a local-ish beach or country park but otherwise had to make our own entertainment. Being bored, or at least saying we were bored was met with some of the classic "only boring people get bored" style comebacks.

My mum was a single parent from the mid-80s which affected loads of things but it did mean she was pretty present even if she wasn't able to afford lots of day trips etc. With that said, there were far fewer options for kids than there are now. The nearest theme parks, for example, would have been a full day's driving or an overnight stay.

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stevedore82@reddit

82 born here, I vividly remember, if I was home I was doing chores! Mum used to say get out of my hair, so that’s my thing anyway! I used to stay out all day. Great times.