ULPT request: How to get out of watching young cousins
Posted by Foreign-Mushroom1611@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 67 comments
Today my family is having a Memorial Day cookout and my aunt and uncle and their 3 kids (ages 9 and 10) are coming from out of town. My mom is trying to make my bf and I (20 and 21) take them down to the river by our neighborhood. Both of us strongly dislike children, and to make matters worse, they’re going through a Harry Potter phase (I’ve always hated Harry Potter, even as a kid). How do we get out of talking to/supervising/entertaining 3 kids for several hours today and beyond? I’ve considered telling them about all of the scary venomous snakes and snapping turtles to get out of going to the river, but that doesn’t solve the core issue of making sure they want nothing to do with us, since they will around for the next month as well. It has to be kinda sly or else my mom will catch on and yell at us in front of the whole family.
joyfulchilli@reddit
Urghhhh why do people feel entitled to make folks watch kids they're not responsible for? You don't like kids and you don't want to do it. That's very reasonable. End of. Yelling at you in front of family is just a shaming tactic to try and regain control.
Saying this as a pregnant woman who is 32 weeks pregnant. I'd be mortified if at some point my mom tried to make other people watch our kids. Nor would I expect our children when they grow up, to watch other people's kids for them, unless they actually wanted to.
youcaneatme@reddit
I was the pregnant one (25 years ago) who got stuck with all the kids -at least 6 or 7 kids under 10, when the whole family came to town and went bar hopping all night.
joyfulchilli@reddit
That's ridiculous. I hope you had words!
joyfulchilli@reddit
Actually just a thought, because some people are like battering rams and don't take no for an answer, I would suggest reaching out to your aunt and uncle directly and simply telling them that your mom wants you to take their kids to the river, but that you respectfully decline.
Also: F*ck being responsible for other people's kids by a river. All sorts can happen. You don't need to be taking responsibility for that.
theatermouse@reddit
Exactly!! Doesn't solve the "rest of the visit" issue, but in this instance the proper response for OP is "I will not be taking children to the river. I am not comfortable being solely responsible for their safety. If they want to go, their parents need to take them and I will NOT be going along." !!!!
Miami_Mice2087@reddit
family helping with kids is normal. when they want to. OP doesn't want to and she doesn't have to. but accepting help from your family is how parents have survived raising small children since the beginning of human society.
joyfulchilli@reddit
Oh yes, completely agree. I would absolutely welcome help from family and friends, who actually want to give it, but I'm in no way entitled to that help.
Dasrule@reddit
Sorry. Me and GF were cited for indecent exposure, we got caught having sex behind the dumpster at petco. Don’t worry, the lawyer says we’ll be fine. We just can’t be around unattended minors for a little bit. Anyway, have a good one.
Chugs a beer. Walks away.
briomio@reddit
Be direct: "I am not here to babysit. I am here to have a relaxing visit that does not include babysitting"
Salt-Patience7384@reddit
Just disappear with your boyfriend for a few hours
jonb72@reddit
For sex stuff! And weed!
metalflygon08@reddit
And to fill your bellies with diet soda.
DessertFlowerz@reddit
Get a face tattoo or a couple of DUIs
Emperor-Lelouch@reddit
Irish goodbye. Just walk away before they get a chance to hand them off. You already have "plans" somewhere else. Or just be honest if you can hold your ground.
Southern_Share_1760@reddit
Tell them your BF is a sex offender
lapsteelguitar@reddit
You say "no". You drink a beer. You go somewhere else. So what if your mom yells. Let her.
Delicious_Bank_2405@reddit
\^ THIS! why is it so hard for people to have boundaries and just say no?
kief_queen@reddit
Because of parents that berate you for not complying
lapsteelguitar@reddit
It's habits. We are in the habit of doing as our parents say. At a younger age, that's how we survive & learn things. As we get older, this approach needs to change, from parental authoritarian to mentor/coach.
As parents, we do change in our roles, but not perfectly. Sometimes, those habits don't change in certain parts of our lives.
Thus, the kind of situation we have here. Habits.
justmitzie@reddit
No is a complete sentence.
trixter69696969@reddit
Start drinking heavily.
klaw14@reddit
Pretend to be drunk, and thus be dubbed incapable of caring for children, or, get drunk for real.
befuddled_individual@reddit
Group chat to all the adults “I understand you all believe we will be babysitting your offspring. Let me clarify. No, we won’t, and no, there is no negotiation”
WasWawa@reddit
No, is a full sentence. Make other plans and don't be there.
Logical-Service1159@reddit
You’re black right? Only we have these issues lol
abbsolutely1@reddit
Start collecting empty jars for all the leeches that live in the water and go into great detail about their mouths etc. download scary photos
Jataaka@reddit
Take them to see Mortal Kombat 2 in theaters and traumatize them with the gore. The parents hopefully won't be fans.
mysteriouscattravel@reddit
My grandma was once tasked with watching her own 4 kids and her 4 nieces and nephews by herself for a day. The oldest was like middle school aged. She took all 8 of them to see Easy Rider. She was never asked to watch the nieces and nephews again. Nobody knows for sure if it was intentional.
PdxPhoenixActual@reddit
Yes, im sure there is some movie playing that would serve the same purpose today...
All while teaching them all of the best swears (that they might not already know)...
voucher420@reddit
“The state of ______ requires me to tell you that we are both……”
DrSheetzMTO@reddit
I mean, if you more going to go all in c just have your bf mention how cute their bitts are or something.
RuggedHangnail@reddit
You and BF need to walk/drive away and disappear before kids are handed off to you. You and BF just go elsewhere and text your parents "We left the house. We'll be back later."
It stinks because you have to avoid your home and your parents just to get away from the kids. Also, be sure to lock your bedroom door and hide any valuables because if you're not there to supervise, the kids might break your belongings.
Such-Mountain-6316@reddit
I can't up vote this enough. Especially the locking away the belongings idea. You might even go so far as to store the really special stuff off site in case the kids find their way in.
OkeyDokey654@reddit
Yep. Time to go for a long walk.
sonarboku@reddit
“Sorry, I don’t do babysitting.”
3X_Cat@reddit
Refer to them as your aunt's crotch demons.
WatercressTart@reddit
"Hey kids, who wants to learn some new swear words?"
Apprehensive-Pop-201@reddit
Don't be there when they are.
EdamameWindmill@reddit
Get “called in to work.” Or fake the stomach flu.
mysteriouscattravel@reddit
Tell them all the Harry Potter spoilers. Print out the Harry Potter fanfic. The dirty shit.
Tell them that it's a family tradition that when you get your Hogwarts letter that your family won't allow children to attend wizarding school, so since 11 is a mere year away they better prepare now for being told by their parents that they won't be going. It was such an unfortunate thing that happened to Great Grandma Gertrude and that animagus, but what can you really expect? Swindlers come in all shapes after all.
Then tell them about how they used to use throwing people into water to determine if they were indeed witches or warlocks.
Then have your BF piss on the smallest to assert dominance.
Miami_Mice2087@reddit
snakes and turtles would make kid!me want to go more .... charge their parents an exorbitant rate, like $40/hr. tell them that this is your standard babysitting rate
Cognitive-discontent@reddit
Tell them your boyfriend is on the sex offender registry
CleverWitch70@reddit
Scaring kids isn't cool. Acting like the adult you are and telling your mom that you won't be watching someone else's kids is.
Primary-Strawberry-5@reddit
This UNETHICAL lpt in case you forgot
jueidu@reddit
Say no and then follow through by not doing it.
ExplorerEducational4@reddit
Just leave the get together. If they ask why, tell them plainly that you did not attend to be free childcare and you two have made your own plans.
Nothing annoys me more than people who shove their childcare off on the nearest person when they get to social events
Painless315@reddit
It's not the kids' fault. You're not free child care. Even if they offer to pay with this level of dislike you shouldn't. Let all the parents know you're not doing this and dip.
NeighborhoodNo4274@reddit
When they show up, greet your aunt, uncle, and the kids while holding a few packs of cigarettes, a bunch of fireworks, and some matches. Tell them you’re super excited to watch the kids and have some fun.
Desperate-Cow8766@reddit
Drink lots of alcohol. Or just have a beer in your hand. People tend not to ask an adult who has been drinking to be in charge of their children.
Make up a story about the last children you watched being dragged into the river by alligators.
Crash your car on the way and be hospitalized and placed into a medical coma.
Evasive suicide.
_Sovaz99_@reddit
Im taking other peoples minors to a river or any other bodies of water, on a cold day in Hell. Thats too much responsibility and if anything happens OP will never live it down.
Seconding the be drunk or just drive off comments. If mommy dont like it, tough
landhill5@reddit
Act as though the children are much younger than they are. Ask the older adults about the kids' nap time, bottles, or diapers. Present yourself as very ignorant and ill-suited for the assignment.
ClerkDelicious4867@reddit
You and your bf stage a fight I mean a nasty foul mouth fight yell and scream at each other have him storm off get in the car you follow cuz no man gunna talk to you like that get in the car and drive away go get your gear and have a blast at the lake or river.
P.s I don't know your relationship but post fight make up sex is great.wven if it's a fake fight
Ak40-couchcusion@reddit
You ignore the children, if they come up and ask you to take them to the river you say "go ask your mum/dad to take you" then you walk off. Ignore your uncle or aunt too. If they start having a go at you just tell them to look after their own kids, its not your problem. If you dont want to do something, you need to stand up for yourself. And you need to do it without being cruel to children.
gooeyjello@reddit
Don't go.
FaithlessnessOld2477@reddit
Just say no and if your family gives you shit about it, give them shit back.
They decided to have children, you didn't. Their decision doesn't automatically sign you up to be a babysitter. There's a lot of reasons I decided to never have kids. Obviously, keep me on speed dial for emergencies. I'll go above and beyond to keep everyone safe/sane. But I'm not volunteering for chaperone duty.
One silly option to insure you'll never get asked again. Get drunk and take an Uber for your time to pick up the kids. Guarantee they will never trust you with guard duty again.
fried_clams@reddit
Just say no, and go about your day as usual.
GardenHobbit@reddit
Say no. It’s a complete sentence and you are an adult. If people want a sitter they need to pay one. If mom starts yelling, leave. You are no longer beholden to their whims and wants.
Gucci_meme@reddit
Youre 20 and 21 just don't do it, BFD if she yells
OpportunityMother104@reddit
You’re an adult. Just say “not happening” and walk away
redrockz98@reddit
Get crazy drunk. Done.
SoyboyCowboy@reddit
Give them cheap tablets and get them addicted to brainrot.
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Put on a tshirt they won't like whether lgb tqia or the bright red one with acronym of making America great. Got removed for actually saying it bluntly.
Zailema0s@reddit
Drive somewhere else at the most inconvenient time 😂
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
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KraftwerkMachine@reddit
Start wearing shirts with really graphic metal band art, or really raunchy stuff. “Don’t bully me or I’ll cum” shirts from Spencer’s type stuff.
AmaranthusSky@reddit
Tell them you brought new wands to play with. Pull dildos out of your bag.
Show up drunk or high. Show up super late, grab some food, and leave. Or don't show at all.
Seriously though, tell your family you don't babysit. (Unless getting paid, then quote an insane hourly rate.)