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Lumpy-Artist-6996@reddit

Congrats to your daughter and her beloved. It sounds like it will be a lovely day, and I'm glad they're doing a proposal that makes them happy and that people that love them will be joining in the celebration.

For gift ideas, I would touch base with your daughter to see if they want anything presented at the event. If not, a heartfelt letter with positive thoughts about the both of them as a couple, the love you feel, and how happy you are to have the family grow.

If budget allows, and they'd like it, a gift of a romantic stay at a B&B and a snapshot of the two of them at the proposal after the event would be nice.

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Hedonistic_Yinzer@reddit

What should a parent do to make their kids engagement feel special?

Park the helicopter! It's your kids engagement let it be about them not you. I swear helicopter parents border on having Munchausen syndrome.

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JudgeJuryEx78@reddit

Attending an event OP is invited to and asking for appropriate gift/gesture suggestions is helicopter parenting?

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Lumpy-Artist-6996@reddit

I love your flair!
Some people are getting weirdly triggered or are reading too much into OP's post. Wanting to bring something to a happy and memorable event seems lovely to me.

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SquirrelBowl@reddit

Buy the dinner after.

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Only_Presentation758@reddit

I don’t understand all the negative comments. You are just asking for ideas for something nice to do for your daughter who is probably also your friend since she let you in on it and wants you to be there. I would just show up dressed a little bit for an occasion and be ready to give smiles, hugs, and applause; maybe say something in congratulations and to make the partner feel welcome as part of the family. Then without anything preplanned or set you can ask if they’d like to go out somewhere to celebrate or if they’d prefer to do that alone. Or if the setting is already a celebration site just attend as a guest.

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JudgeJuryEx78@reddit

There are a lot of miserable, broken people in this thread who can't accept that traditions change.

Good advice.

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LJ1205E@reddit

My parents had an engagement party (1965). My brother and his first wife had an engagement party(1987).

As it was explained to me, it was just a small gathering of immediate family and friends to get to know each other before the wedding.

Nice cake and buffet type food.

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Slow-Objective-7440@reddit

This isn't that. Today, for some reason, people are being invited to the actual proposal.

Someone proposes, the other person says yes, and then both families, and sometimes a few close friends, are there or in the other room.

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ShimmerKoi@reddit

Those parties took place after the engagement took place, to celebrate the engagement. The public popping of the question is a fairly recent thing.

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ElsieDCow@reddit (OP)

It sounds like most people here are as inexperienced with this as I am.

Apparently, these days people like to have family and maybe friends around when they pop the question. It's different than what I experienced. Kinda like that whole "promposal" thing. Only the participants are (hopefully) older and the stakes are much higher.

Anyway, I'm happy for them and just want to make sure they feel loved and supported.

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Majestic-Selection22@reddit

It was a surprise to my daughter in law when my son proposed. Everyone else knew and met up at a local bar afterward. I made refrigerator magnets with their picture and date of engagement on them. Had help from a graphic designer friend. Stupid? Maybe. They thought it was cute. I don’t know. Didn’t think to ask Reddit.

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hesathomes@reddit

My daughter proposed to her gf a couple months ago. The proposal itself was private but after they met us at a nice lounge and we had celebration drinks and pics with family/friends. Did a nice dinner later that night for the group. They are both very family oriented and wanted everyone there. It was nice, kinda in lieu of doing a traditional engagement party. Ask her what she wants you to do.

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Grouchy_Vet@reddit

That sounds absolutely lovely

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Comesontoostrong@reddit

champagne? and make sure she know the answer is “yes”?

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Genny415@reddit

I'd order/pull out a bottle of champagne 🍾 🥂✨️

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ennuiandapathy@reddit

Talk with your daughter about her vision for the day.

You could offer to pay for a photographer or some food/champagne, if that's something she wants.

Congratulating the couple is really all you need to do at that time.

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ScienceJamie76@reddit

I 2nd the photographer idea. If they want that, offer to pay

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Glabrous@reddit

Do nothing. They don’t need a card either.

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kevbayer@reddit

Ask your daughter what they want you to do or bring. It's all about them, not you. Make your presence known only as much as she wants.

Congrats on your daughter's engagement!

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Angry_GorillaBS@reddit

These kids today lol.

I'm sorry all of this seems very weird to me, the whole party aspect of it, family and friends being involved, and especially the fact that her partner apparently already knows about it...

Glad my fiance wasn't expecting any of that(hopefully). She just got a hidden photographer.

But anyway, congrats to her

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Regular_or_BQ@reddit

Same here - we got engaged in our favorite diner with Cigarettes and Coffee playing and nobody around but the staff and a few fellow diners. I wouldn't have it any other way but this generation was raised online, so I get their assumption that it's got to be a big thing with a bunch of people.

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Prepperpoints2Ponder@reddit

We were on our way back home from eating lunch at our favorite diner, in his truck, about a half mile from home.

We got married by the local magistrate. Some of our relatives didn't even know until months later. We just never made a big deal out of it.

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RealCrazySwordGirl@reddit

I mean, people have huge parties to reveal the biological sex of their unborn child. 🙄🤨 like anyone really cares outside of their immediate family.

And a while ago there was a thing with "promposals" because it wasn't enough just to be asked to prom, the ask had to be some kind of spectacular event in itself, spurring quite a few awkward situations being recorded and uploaded to YouTube.

So of course they want to turn every little milestone into some giant deal and involve all their friends and family. It's the culture they've been raised in.

That said, i guess who cares? I mean, I'm not a big wedding type person, but some people don't mind going into debt for a ginormous affair. This is much the same. It's harmless. (Oh except for all those so-called "gender reveal parties" where people were accidentally getting killed with fireworks and stuff, that's just a cryin shame, as my grandmother would have said.)

Live and let live, i suppose ✌🏼

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ElsieDCow@reddit (OP)

While my daughter's partner knew daughter was going to propose, the actual time/place was supposed to be a surprise. But her partner figured it out.

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CampClear@reddit

I'm confused. Are you going to be involved in the actual proposal?

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W0gg0@reddit

Me too. Is this a generational thing like OP said or just them?

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sysaphiswaits@reddit

It’s just them.

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ElsieDCow@reddit (OP)

I've been invited to attend/ observe. I've heard of it before, but don't know anybody IRL to ask.

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CampClear@reddit

Then I guess you just show up and take pictures and videos? I don't know.

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PsychologicalRip6998@reddit

Very weird. Like the trending gender reveals…

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sysaphiswaits@reddit

It’s still usually done privately. Is your daughter doing this as a surprise? If her intended fiancé doesn’t know about this, making this a communal event is coercive.

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MaximumJones@reddit

Have strippers jump out of a giant cake?

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Vegetable-Orchid1789@reddit

Your daughter is proposing? Ok, well, I guess tell them congratulations I suppose. It really doesn't involve you so there is no obligation other than to be nice I guess.

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ElsieDCow@reddit (OP)

Yes, my daughter is proposing to her girlfriend. Her gf wanted family there for the proposal, so I will be in attendance.

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Guilty-Reindeer6693@reddit

Just for clarification, are they just looking for an audience? Because it sounds like the will-you-marry-me question has been asked and answered, so a "proposal" in front of other people just sounds performative at this point?

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JJQuantum@reddit

Don’t do anything except show up if asked and congratulate when you find out. Otherwise you are making it about you and it’s not.

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Dead_Inside50@reddit

Say congratulations and move on.

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KP-RNMSN@reddit

Maybe offer to pay for a photographer? My daughter has a photog side hustle and is often “hiding in the bushes” for these type of shots.

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alpacamade@reddit

Surprising to me how many responders prior to me, think OP is/will interfere in some way. This type of social gathering wasn't done all that often, not long ago.

After the proposal and when the affianced were ready, parents would jointly host an engagement party. However, even those were limited attendance because the parents were footing the bill. The impression I got is OP was just asking to see if any others had attended an event like this, and what their experience was like.

Congratulations to the couple🌷

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Trolkarlen@reddit

I've heard of a party to celebrate an engagement, but I've never heard of anyone participating in an engagement other than the couple.

They are getting engaged in front of other people?

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figment1979@reddit

I’m guessing it’s one of those stupid InstaFace TikClock SnapGram “Look at me propose in front of 500 people1111!1” things and the parents were invited to be in the crowd.

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ElsieDCow@reddit (OP)

I think it's the 4 parents and the 2 sisters. Nothing quite as excessive as you're describing.

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Trolkarlen@reddit

Just like those terrible "gender reveal" parties of a decade ago.

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figment1979@reddit

Yeah I don’t miss those in the least, very glad I never went to one in person.

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Outrageous_Cat4943@reddit

What does it have to do with you? If my parents had tried to get involved in my engagement that would be them off the guest list

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ElsieDCow@reddit (OP)

Some people do it this way apparently. My daughter asked her partner if she wanted family there and she said yes. So my daughter sent a group text inviting us. I think the invite list includes the parents and the 2 sisters. I'm not sure.

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itwillmakesenselater@reddit

Sounds like the actual proposal has happened and your daughter and her parner would like an "engagement" party

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ElsieDCow@reddit (OP)

At the proposal, my daughter will be getting down on one knee and giving her partner a ring. They don't consider themselves to be officially engaged yet, even though they have agreed to get married and be together forever.

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Listen-to-Mom@reddit

Just show up and congratulate them afterward.

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Maud_Dweeb18@reddit

Fancy cupcakes or cookies with their initials, flowers, or champagne or whatever they like- taking into account food preferences or allergies.

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MariaInconnu@reddit

Ask your daughter if she and her partner have explicitly discussed marriage and is sure of the answer she'll get. Public proposals, unless they're an "official" agreement after coming to a quiet private agreement, are a manipulation tactic to try to force people to say yes to save face.

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ElsieDCow@reddit (OP)

Good point! But her gf is in agreement about marriage and about having family at the proposal.

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ZetaWMo4@reddit

It’s really up to the couple. I had a daughter get married last month and I wasn’t involved in her proposal at all. I have another daughter getting married in 3 months and her fiancé requested that me, my husband, my parents, and my other kids(along with all his family)were there at the proposal. Beyond that, that’s it.

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_WillCAD_@reddit

A) Ask her. She's got a plan, she knows what she's going to do and what she wants to happen, and as a guest you need to work within her wishes.

2. ASK HER.

d.) FUCKING ASK HER! IT'S HER GODDAMNED ENGAGEMENT!

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hyakumanben@reddit

Settle down Beavis

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alpacamade@reddit

Diplomacy award of the week.👏

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Claque-2@reddit

No one does anything and shouldn't. The person asking gets a ring. Or not. The person asked gives an answer. They announce it to the group. That's it.

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Eorth75@reddit

When my son in law proposed to my daughter, he wanted to surprise her with her family and friends around. So we used a private supper club's bar and private dining space where his mom had worked to do it. We got a cake and appetizers, had their pictures spread around, and I hired my daughters friend to take professional pictures of the engagement. It was beautiful and we spent about $700 on the whole thing.

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alpacamade@reddit

As was previously noted, this type of occasion was never an event. At most it was family and a few friends. I think you hit the right note; understated, limited, light refreshments. Well done 😉👍

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TJH99x@reddit

Maybe bring flowers for both of them? Or pay for a round of champagne for everyone?

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KrofftSurvivor@reddit

Have you considered asking her what she wants???

You absolutely should not be doing anything without running it by her first.

This is her moment, that you were invited to witness.

Watch. Not participate... Watch.

If you want to do something for her ask her if there's anything she wants done.

Otherwise show up smile clap hug and let them run their own day.

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Diasies_inMyHair@reddit

It is so weird to me that kids these days want to make spectacles of everything.

Best of luck to her and I hope things go well!

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shrubflower@reddit

You might ask if she has a photographer or suggest one. Lots of people these days with public proposals like professional photos of the event.

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SageObserver@reddit

Do the same type of big celebration you did when she learned to tie her shoe.

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Awkward-Actuator-596@reddit

For my son- took our family and hers to dinner at a nicer restaurant.

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lando-hockey@reddit

Nothing other than a card. It’s not about the parents. It’s about the bride and groom.

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ElsieDCow@reddit (OP)

Bride and bride. But you make a good point. Thx.

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PsychologicalRip6998@reddit

If you give a card, make sure it’s not empty. Slip in a $20 bill.

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7eregrine@reddit

Can't do anything without checking with Reddit first...

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ElsieDCow@reddit (OP)

I didn't check with Reddit before I did your mom.

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7eregrine@reddit

She's dead, bro. But funny reply. 🤣

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RikkiLostMyNumber@reddit

That's what your mom said, anyway.

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7eregrine@reddit

Look around bro/sis. It's getting SO bad, shitty attempt at an insult not withstanding. 🤣

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Sufficient_Stop8381@reddit

No idea. I didn’t know engagements were participation sports. Maybe a cake and a clown? Wait, that’s birthdays. A stripper? Wait, that’s the bachelor or bachelorette party. A mohel? Wait, that’s for graduation. I’m all out of ideas.

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W0gg0@reddit

You were joking about the Graduation-Bris, right?

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renegade7717@reddit

I didn’t participate in my daughters engagement so this must be a new thing going on. Not sure she would have wanted me to be tho - but I tend to be told thing a after the fact

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Maverick-Mav@reddit

Ask your daughter. I thonk thi might be the post proposal party unless it is a party in which she is going to surprise her partner with a proposal. Either way, just ask her. Then let us know 😉

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Starbuck522@reddit

If she wants you there, ask her what she wants you to do. My guess is dont bring or plan anything. She is planning it and inviting you to watch, is my guess.

I would plan to send card after.

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Lopsided_Amoeba8701@reddit

To celebrate an engagement, you can throw them a party, at home or at a restaurant.

To be present at the actual proposal, say congratulations and give them a hug. I do not feel that anything else is needed.

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