What tiny social rule in the UK did you only realise existed after accidentally breaking it?
Posted by thirdaccountttt@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 91 comments
I mean the really small stuff nobody teaches you, but everyone somehow acts like you should already know.
The thing that made me think of it was accidentally standing slightly wrong near a queue. I wasn’t trying to skip. I wasn’t even ready to buy anything yet. I was just hovering too close to the end while looking at something, and within about ten seconds I could feel three people silently deciding I was a threat to civilisation.
Nobody said anything, obviously. That would be too direct. They just adjusted themselves into a more defensive queue formation until I moved away.
There are loads of these tiny rules where nobody explains them, but if you get them wrong you can feel the whole room quietly marking you down as unstable.
What’s one you learned the awkward way?
Ok_Significance4583@reddit
I learned to drive in Sweden, the roads are wider there. I was taught that if an emergency vehicle is coming up behind you in moving traffic to just maintain your course and keep to the side where possible; the worst thing you could do is pull over and create an obstacle course for them
Did that in England on a very narrow road and and once I saw everyone was stopping, I assimilated. The ambulance driver actually pulled over beside me to shout at me. Was humiliating but I never did it again.
I still maintain that the ambulance would have been better off following traffic at 40mph and overtaking where an opportunity presents itself, rather than weaving left and right at 20mph to get around all the stopped cars on either side of the road, but it's not the hill I'm gonna die on.
vendettaexpress@reddit
How are you? You okay?
These generic questions where the majority of the time people don’t an answer they are just acknowledging you.
ZensibileQuine@reddit
First house share - and last - I used to buy my own fridge food . One time a ready meal had disappeared I’m guessing by her bf so I took a slice of my house mates cheese omg ww3 so I just left at the end of the month . Never touch another’s cheese
confusing_roundabout@reddit
They shouldn't have eaten your food in fairness.
ZensibileQuine@reddit
First house share - and last - I used to buy my own fridge food . One time a ready meal had disappeared I’m guessing by her bf so I took a slice of my house mates cheese omg ww3 so I just left at the end of the month . Never touch someone cheese
confusing_roundabout@reddit
What?
YchYFi@reddit
That people didn't really want to be friends. It was just casual speak in work.
Lots of work rules that I floundered on because I can't read people. Or the subconscious rules we follow in the UK.
ThrowRA_Sorrow@reddit
Eh, yes and no, it’s really difficult to tell who is actually a friend at work.. but I’ve met some actual friends through work places.. you just need to be careful how you act and what you say, until you’re 10 pints deep with them at a works do, then you’ll know.
YchYFi@reddit
I never get that far as they don't invite me. Not cool enough.
Playful-Signature678@reddit
Only 10? I regularly drink 50 pints at work do's.
ThrowRA_Sorrow@reddit
Better man / woman, than I. Raise a glass lasdy.
Prior_Garlic_8710@reddit
I would only look my one friend of the group im talking to in the eye while I'm speaking - problem is, I'm a confident funny speaker who just has a teensy problem with eye contact.
Yeaahh, then I learned that thats rude and seems like youre only speaking to one person :/
frick
tiptoe_only@reddit
That if you say "we should go for coffee/hang out/have a pint some time" what it actually means is "I have no intention of seeing you again in the foreseeable future." I'd been saying that and actually meaning it and it took me a while to work out why people always seemed surprised when I got in touch to arrange something after they or I had said it.
confusing_roundabout@reddit
Reminds me of when someone said to my mum "I owe you one" after she did something for them, so she immediately said "okay in that case I need help with .....". She completely missed that it's just something people say as a generic thanks with zero intention of actually doing something nice back.
Stock-Cod-4465@reddit
I like your description. I could visualise it and giggled.
baciahai@reddit
Not saying thank you to the bus driver when getting off
Affectionate-Owl9594@reddit
CHEERS DRIVE
tsdesigns@reddit
Our bus now has a door at the back of the bus which you get off of, so it's a one way system of sorts. Makes me feel bad every time as I'm not passing the driver to say "thanks mate" as I go
Shpander@reddit
You can still sort of shout it forwards
Skidattles@reddit
Say it when you get on
say-Hi-@reddit
Thank you Ddriverrrrr
CrossCityLine@reddit
BYYYYEEEE!
refundpackage@reddit
BYE BYE
CunningOctopus@reddit
Eh? People do that in my area, including me
Comfortable-Pain5600@reddit
That you're not supposed to eat the final piece of something. I had served a bowl of fresh fruit to a group of friends and even after people helped themselves to seconds there was just one raspberry left in the bowl. Nobody would eat it. They all seemed very uncomfortable. This type of thing has happened multiple times since I moved to the UK and I do not understand.
AcrobaticHedgehog599@reddit
You need to study chess and be able to plan moves ahead. That way you can anticipate the end game (the lone raspberry) and ensure you start on the last few pieces you fancy without taking the last one.
tiptoe_only@reddit
I'm British and autistic. I absolutely hate this. I will aggressively take the last item nobody else will take. Power move.
Playful-Signature678@reddit
I hope we never cross paths because I will fight you for it and I will destroy you.
tiptoe_only@reddit
I wouldn't mind that. It's refreshing
Icy_Pear1694@reddit
The horror, what if somebody else wanted it? I could never live down the shame of taking it from them!
Playful-Signature678@reddit
My trick is to reach in, grab it then hold it up and ask, "does anyone want this?" while slowly moving it towards my gaping mouth. If someone pipes up that they do want it, or want to share, I quickly stuff it in my mouth and swallow it so they can't have it. Works almost every time unless they have light speed reactions and intercept.
chocklityclair@reddit
Double dipping. I happily did it for years. Don't think I killed anyone.
MoonlightStarfish@reddit
Double dipping?! Did you not watch Seinfeld?
TheRealGabbro@reddit
Be careful of the context, there are two where this applies.
Boudicat@reddit
That person who asks if anyone wants the last bit of whatever-it-is at the dinner table really wants it for themselves.
Icy_Sea_4440@reddit
I know somebody who will always respond ‘not right now…’, so they’ve just reserved it for themselves for later. Drives me mad
General_Membership64@reddit
Huh
confusing_roundabout@reddit
If someone ever says "does anyone want the last one?" they're actually saying "I want the last one. Can you please give me permission to eat it without me looking like a greedy bastard".
First_Television_600@reddit
Stop! I didn’t know this, I’m Spanish. I usually say no, but now I have anxiety at the thought I may have ever said yes and eaten whatever was on the table.
CovidMakesMeSick@reddit
Also annoying when you're just trying to clear the plate away and everyone says "no you have it" so you feel forced to eat it
confusing_roundabout@reddit
For real I'm always so shocked when I ask and someone says "yeah okay" and eats it. Like mate wtf.
Fair_Condition_1460@reddit
Wait, whaaaat?
Ouch. 🧠 🔍 🤔
nemmalur@reddit
That’s why it’s good to suggest splitting it.
GeminiCheese@reddit
If you get invited to a posh garden party that has a harpist playing lovely background music, you shouldn't talk her into playing wonderwall and encouraging a singalong.
tiptoe_only@reddit
this feels oddly specific
PiotrGreenholz01@reddit
Common People is always de rigeur though.
Playful-Signature678@reddit
Wonderwall? I always get them to play some Skrillex
SgtBushMonkey69@reddit
Maybe some dragonforce if I’m feeling particularly chipper
Canadian5566@reddit
Soon after I moved to this country, I got invited to a BBQ. Being polite, I asked if I could bring a salad or side dish, they said sure, so I showed up with a big homemade grilled veg salad to share, plus a hostess gift.
I then got snarky comments and looks because I hadn't brought any meat. Not to share, though. Everyone else had just brought meat for themselves. One couple brought 2 sausages. A single attendee brought a single pork chop.
So everyone glared at me like I was trying to steal their sausage.
It was the weirdest idea of a BBQ I'd ever been to, and a big group of people were all acting like it was normal to invite someone to your home for a meal and not feed them.
I've only been to a few other BBQs in this country, but never encountered the same situation with a different group of people, so maybe it's less "Brits don't understand how inviting people over for a BBQ works" and more "That was a weird group of people I knew back then."
Adorable_Click_7071@reddit
That’s not a British social rule they are just weirdos
Divine_Items@reddit
Definitely a strange group of people based on that description :/ At a BBQ most would provide a selection of things to put on the grill to cover the size of the group invited. If the guests wanted to eat anything else or share with the group they would bring it themselves.
Ballbag94@reddit
Tbf I think that's weird as fuck and I'm fully British. If I hosted a BBQ or was invited to one I'd expect the host to provide the bulk of the BBQ, I'd bring extra if I had something special I wanted but I'd expect there to be sausages and burgers at a minimum
I've never encountered that scenario and the fact that you haven't encountered it again makes me think you knew some freaks
BronnOP@reddit
Very odd. If I invited someone over for a BBQ and any of my family, we’d expect to be putting on burgers, sausages, chicken, and also asking any vegetarians what they wanted in advance and we’d buy it in for them. Plus nibbles, like crisps or nuts in bowls etc. I thought this was standard lmao.
The only thing I’d expect others to bring is what they want to drink if it’s something specific. We’d provide fizzy drinks, juices, water etc.
tiptoe_only@reddit
Yeah I've never been to one like that either. If someone invites me to a barbecue at theirs then I expect them to provide the food. I'll bring something to drink.
infieldcookie@reddit
That sounds like a particularly odd group tbh. I’ve never been invited over for a BBQ/meal at someone’s house and been expected to bring my own main. I usually just bring a side/drinks/snacks, and expect the same when I invite people to mine.
baslighting@reddit
That's not normal. If you're invited over they should be providing food. Bringing a salad is perfectly fine
Round_Grand_4716@reddit
I went to a friend of a friends BBQ once and at the end the host went around trying to get £5 or so odd everyone, even if you hadn't eaten. No one was expecting it
Original_Document748@reddit
Yeah thats super weird to me and im British and was born here , thats just rude really to come to a gathering where someone is being nice enough to cook for you to not bring something everyone can share even if its just drink
j4rj4r@reddit
Yeah - that entire friend group are weirdos. Not normal at all
hikam1@reddit
nah that is weird tbh
Effective_Ostrich_94@reddit
Not returning clothes to charity shops, oops
Shpander@reddit
Haha I like the phrase "defensive queue formation" that's good. Everyone knows exactly what you mean, and it's a perfect description.
Cosmic_orange222@reddit
In my first office job at 19 asking everyone what their salary was 🤣
Theratchetnclank@reddit
When i was the same age i told my colleague my salary i was on slightly more than him even though i was newer and has less experience. It resulted in us all getting a substantial pay rise because were all severely underpaid.
Talking about salary is only something the companies don't want so that they can keep everyone's lower. I have no qualms discussing mine.
donalmacc@reddit
The only problem with it is when that one coworker who everyone else is covering for finds out they’re making less and then gets assy about it.
Otherwise I agree
Playful-Signature678@reddit
Exactly this. Sharing bank statements is good too so you can make sure you're not having a worse lifestyle than colleagues on similar wages.
Playful-Signature678@reddit
When I started my job I made a Google sheet and asked all my colleagues to document their salaries, bonuses, pension contributions and other info like marital status, dependents, home value (if owned) or monthly rent etc. was actually really helpful to see what I sort of life I could have in different positions and/or grades.
Cosmic_orange222@reddit
You have the mind of a future billionaire
ThrowRA_Sorrow@reddit
Still do this, but a little more discreetly..
Negative_Equity@reddit
I worked for McDs in the early noughties and got caught out by that. I got asked by a new worker what I was on and told them. Got hauled into the office for inciting dissent.
I had no fucking clue at the time I was causing them trouble. Now I'm older I'd have told them with glee and just winked at the manager instead of grovelling.
Special-Management60@reddit
Inciting dissent? That's mad. I thought they McD wages were open knowledge anyway (ie f*** all unless you're a manager)
thechuckingwoodchuck@reddit
You consider this one tiny? Man, I bet you have lots of stories to tell
just_made_it_987@reddit
Very discreet yeah 😂
do_you_realise@reddit
To be fair we need more salary transparency 😂 it's a huge benefit to employers that people are terrified of discussing wages. It's pure wage suppression. So more of this please lol
rubberbandhands@reddit
Lol legend
fezzuk@reddit
Eh we should normalise that.
Itsstillyourturn@reddit
If you're buying building materials from a 'trade place', you have to get a slip of paper from the bloke in the warehouse!
TheRealGabbro@reddit
Chitty. That’s what the piece of paper is called.
Snow-Gecko@reddit
apparently bringing a packet of biscuits means I have to offer them to everyone in the office, commie bastards
turbo_dude@reddit
Holding your knife like a pen - to the tower!
EasternCut8716@reddit
My Danish GF was shocked by the tales of man-flu when chatting with a group of British women, She said that I was absolutely nothing like that when I was ill. She was as welcome as cancer after that and I had to explain that their BFs did not really act like that either.
BigReference1xx@reddit
At a restaurant - you have to wait until everyone has their food before you start eating. Even if it means your food is getting cold.
This is NOT a rule where I come from - you start eating to make sure the food is hot.
Ballbag94@reddit
Where you come from does the food normally come out together or just randomly?
Like, if I'm in America it's eat when the food arrives because it seems to come out with no rhyme or reason, whereas it all comes out within minutes of each other here so waiting is fine
BugHuntHudson@reddit
Slight modification to the rule for me. You wait in the full knowledge that the tension causes those still awaiting their plates to say, "Just start!" 🙂
That's permission for me, some diehards still hold out!
confusing_roundabout@reddit
I think the proper etiquette is the adjacent people for hot food if it's a larger gathering.
TheGhostOfKiki@reddit
All of them, I’m autistic 😂
dazzlerdeej@reddit
That cheering when someone drops a tray or a glass is very much context dependent.
decker_42@reddit
Totally ruined grandma's funeral eh?
Klichouse@reddit
None. I have spent all my life here so everything is second nature.
I have also spent time in the US and Japan via work and I'd say our ability to take the piss out of very real problems
I'm involved in railway contracts. Primarily in the UK. You fuck up in the UK and it's open season, your colleagues, pals, family are all in on the rib. Honest mistake, you live, you learn
In other countries these things may be career changing shame. The difference between the world opening up for you and your name/org becoming blacklisted
Personally the best result I have ever had from work is that of a contractor who was completely honest in his own ideas and intentions. That's both good and bad but in UK politics it's like nothing I have ever experienced
strawberrychief@reddit
That's not wrong though. If someone asks you "are you waiting?" it's a polite request for information, not an accusation. You just say "sorry, no" and move out of the way, but "sorry" isn't an apology, just grease to the wheels.
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