Getting old +- children

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567Anonymous@reddit

Did you ever notice no one ever says they look older than their age? Or even their age? Everyone looks younger.

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This is a delusion pretty much everyone needs to stop having. Pretty much everyone looks their age. You might be fit and healthy whatever you still look your age. It's hilarious to me when someone's like I could pass for 42 when they're 57. And this isn't unique to Gen X. A lot of my millennial brethren also have this delusion.

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FawnLeib0witz@reddit

People who claim this need to post their picture because there is no way I believe that.

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chartreuse_avocado@reddit

The social contract of discussing age is that no one ever looks the age they say they are. Even if the answer is they look actual age + 10.

“Gee I took you for exactly 50!”
Or
“Wow- only 50! I pegged you for north of 60!”
Said no one ever.

People say they are told they look younger with pride. We all lie when someone’s age enters the convo.

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

I had a coworker tell me that it was because I didn’t seem that old. That I didn’t act like someone they thought was that old. That I wasn’t fatherly to them even though I was old enough to be their parent.

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chartreuse_avocado@reddit

I don’t go to work to interact with colleagues in a fashion that resembles a parent. That’s an inappropriate comment and downright gross.

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FawnLeib0witz@reddit

I don't know why people don't get that. I always go much lower if someone wants me to guess their age. Trust me, NO ONE is mistaking someone in their 50s for being in their 30s. Or even more laughable - their 20s.

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Frigidspinner@reddit

I think almost all of us think we look younger than our calendar age - you are one of the few of us who actually receives outside evidence - I often feel the rest of us live in a kind of delusion

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Valuable_Ad8923@reddit

All I see lately is how young everyone thinks they look. I saw someone comment they get carded in their 50’s. Gotta wonder what they really look like

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wrldwdeu4ria@reddit

I was carded last weekend.

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Valuable_Ad8923@reddit

gif

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ReactionQuiet3892@reddit

My delusion filter is glitching lately.

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Ihaveaboot@reddit

This might be the stupidest post ever here.

Sorry.

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

{community rule 3}

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

You might be the stupidest commenter.

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

{community rule 3}

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Ihaveaboot@reddit

It is. Grow up..

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

You also forgot to switch to your sock account before replying to yourself.

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

If you could explain what grow up means it might add something to the conversation.

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

lol. i never expected a response like this. I still have most of my hair. I’m the only male on both sides of my family to not be bald by 35 so I make mailman jokes with my mom. I’ve shaved with a razor exactly twice since I turned 22. You may be onto something as far as appearance goes.

I’m glad to hear you’re a grateful father as well.

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RedditWidow@reddit

I've got two grown kids and I'm often told that I don't look or sound like I'm "old." So, I don't think it necessarily follows that you become a parent and have to turn into some fake version of yourself that acts a certain way. My husband and I are still basically the same people we've always been, but with a couple more awesome passengers along for the ride.

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Serious_Pea42@reddit

I'm glad that want your experience. I didn't say it was my experience either. I said I had children before I could afford them. Go be self righteous elsewhere.

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

{community rule 3}

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

Thank you for understanding my question and replying.

I probably didn’t do a great job of asking it the right way.

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emax4@reddit

I still have bullying scars from mean girls from 7th grade ('85-'86). This was a Catholic School where "Do unto others as thou shalt have done unto you" is taught. Teachers and admins never stopped it even when the mean girls interrupted class once and made a circle around me. I was also told to "turn the other cheek" when encountering violence or hurtful actions.

That said, I never wanted kids. For a while it was because I didn't want my kid to be the bully or the victim that shoots up a school if they didn't kill themselves, but recently my thoughts have wondered what kind of a role model I would be for teaching them to finish a fight, never let people forget their harmful actions, etc. I'm fucked up. After over 10 years of Reddit I've seen more life here outside of what I can experience in real life. I saw that tweet that gives me a little validation, the one that says, "Not wanting kids because you know you're selfish and too emotionally absent to care for them is not the villain y' all make it out to be. That's one less child that would have to experience neglect. That's one less kid in the foster system."

It's not completely a downer. I remember a girl I dated had a pregnancy scare. When she called and said she miscarried, I experienced relief but sadness. I was already picturing myself teaching the child to play catch, play the piano, having tea parties in the backyard. In multiple jobs I worked during "Bring your child to work day", I liked showing kids how to make paper airplanes, how to customize them by bending the wingtips, how to make paper footballs, stuff like that. When I was a cashier at a store in a plaza with an ice cream store, a family of four came in and the kids were acting up. The parents told their kids to settle down. I said, "That's right, kids. Listen to your parents, because if you're good they may just take you out for ice cream." I audibly gasped and looked at the parents saying, "I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?", then slyly looked at the kids while giving a shit-eating grin and two thumbs up, LOL. So maybe I'm happier as an entertainer, but not as a parent.

As far as looks, I have some hair starting to go missing, salt and pepper beard, but multiple people have told me I look like I'm in my late 30s, so I'll take it.

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Throttlechopper@reddit

I was the youngest of 4, my wife essentially raised her half-sister and they are 12 years apart in age. Having kids was not a desire for either of us. I won’t say it’s led to me looking younger but definitely less stressed, I thank genetics for me looking a decade younger and having minimal gray hairs but it also gave me Type 2 diabetes. I would be considered “athletic” and get way above the 150 minutes of exercise each week. That said, diet has probably helped with looking younger, my older brother eats terribly and drinks sodas and he looks his age. It’s about choices just as much as your genes.

I recall that show on TLC where they computer-aged guests that aired in the early ‘00’s, that was my spark to quit drinking sodas and eat more sensibly. My genetic condition is the other piece where I’ve adjusted to a low sugar/low carb lifestyle. My endocrinologist also gave me a device that will alert me when my blood sugar spikes so that’s been literally “alarming” lol

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Repost, Duplicate or Similar Posts - Posts may be removed if they are a recent repost (within three months), duplicates, or similar to existing posts. Please make an effort to look through current posts to avoid duplication.

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xeno_dorph@reddit

Wow, are you me?

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SalusaSecundus@reddit

we all look our age. we dont think we do, but we do.

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Naive-Garlic2021@reddit

I have always looked younger, much to my consternation when I was 25 and the librarian wouldn't let me check out a VHS tape without ID (had to be 18). I found out recently it was likely due to hypermobility.

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NoPossible5519@reddit

I've also been preserved by drugs and alcohol. At 48. I'm a pickled adolescent. I never really expected to have kids. I really could not even take care of myself.

But then at age 40, my first was born. I suddenly had a reason to do better with my life. And then another was on the way a couple years later. I realized I was going to need to start planning for a future when I'm too old to labor as I always have.
Nine months ago my wife delivered our third child.

My life no longer feels like it's mine. Sometimes I get stinky about it. But I've adapted to it.

I had plenty of years for partying and I'm grateful for the turn it's taken. It's forced me to live healthier and more responsibly.

Not saying that you don't live responsibly OP. This was just my personal experience

I'm not saying you

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RoundLobster392@reddit

I never wanted kids but got pregnant and well here we are. Thankfully my kids and I have good relationships. My current partner never wanted kids and is glad he never did. He is wonderful to my grandkids and kids. He’s a wonderful person. I’m 55 and I look it but I also look good for 55. I take care of my appearance try to keep my weight somewhat in check. Crazy how much effort has to be put into maintaining this old bod. lol

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joshua_addison_music@reddit

I’m 52 and look 40 with 3 kids. Including a special needs kid that sucked 3 lifetimes of joy out of me.

I don’t see the correlation between not having them and looking more youthful.

I also workout 5 times a week, for most of my life. Switched to all plant based 6 years ago ,changed everything.

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No-Committee7986@reddit

51f with 7 children ages 27-10. I conceived them all with my husband of 28 years and gave birth to all of them, haha (people ask me these questions often). I don’t look like I’m in my 30s, but I look pretty young for my age.

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Entire-Order3464@reddit

I'm on the border of Gen X and millennial. Wife Gen X. No kids. Neither of us ever wanted any kids. Would be miserable if we had kids. Happy for all my friends and family who wanted kids and have them but definitely no kids for us was the correct move.

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solemn_penguin@reddit

I turn 50 this year as well. I've had to show people my driver's license to prove what my age is. I'm lucky that I've aged rather well. I had a kid when I was 17 and that shaped my whole adult life, but I wouldn't have it any other way. That event in my life led me to end up meeting a woman I've been married to for nearly 22 years and I've never been happier. And that kid I had at 17? She's married with 2 kids if her own that absolutely love their grandpa.

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lovelylynda@reddit

I have a son I had in my mid-forties, and now I’m 52, and people say I don’t look like I am. I tell them it’s mosturizing and good genes. 🧬

My parents are in their 70s and they look younger than their ages, too. I also notice that some of my school peers have had really stressful lives and it shows in their faces.

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Expensive_End8369@reddit

It’s probably not because you didn’t have children. 🤣 More likely, it’s your genetics.

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MisterSandKing@reddit

I definitely don’t look 50, and I’ve had a kid, and been throwing shit. I also tell people it must be from the cigarettes, and weed. lol. I think it’s because I try my damndest to not stress on shit.

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Square-Wave5308@reddit

I tell people the no-stress is the secret, too. Seems the best advice to offer.

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Beyou74@reddit

I look very young and haven't even gotten any gray hair yet, at 52! I have kids, not having kids isn't magic, lol.

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ennuiandapathy@reddit

I’m 57 and am often told I look like I’m in my mid-40s. Part of that is genetics – I take after my dad‘s side who don’t start going gray until their mid 50s and who all look younger than they are. I also use a lot of sunscreen because my pasty skin will burn if I even think about going out midday.

I have three kids, ages 36 to 22. Kids are a challenge but also a joy.

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JanaT2@reddit

I think aging has to do more with genetics than having children or not but yes having a hard life for whatever reason can age you.

I don’t have kids. I’m fine with it. Live and let live

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Independent_Baby5835@reddit

This! I had two kids in my 20’s and my last when I was almost 40. I’m pushing 50, but no one believes me when I tell them my oldest is 22 and they think we’re sisters. Definitely genetics.

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Bad2bBiled@reddit

Absolutely agree with this take. 💯

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BtotheFnC@reddit

About to turn 50. My dad is 83 with barely any gray hair and I always thought it was from a laid back personality. Or, I made that assumption. I have virtually no gray hair, except since 2023 my facial hair is about 25% gray now. Never dyed it but back in the day, I thought I would if i was still single, but didn't have to. As someone pointed out, gray hair is probably more of a tell of age. I'm pretty much the same as my father, laid back and laugh a lot so I figure that releases or stops stress from building up.

I'm an old dad and my situation with my son is extremely stressful. His mom disappeared and had him 2500 miles away and every visit, question and ask for an update is a battle (5 years running). Even with all that stuff going on, people are shocked at my age. Told some new coworkers I was about to turn 50 and it was overly awkward to me how "shocked" they were. I'll also add since my teens I've always looked young, so again that's probably genetic more than anything. Hated it when I was a kid but it has perks now.

I think its genetics, personality (which if you dont have the "right" personality can cause added stress) and support system among other things like being the generation that probably kept up with a few trends, including health. But, I think kids can probably age you and if it isn't your thing, thats 100% the right choice.

My wife is pregnant and I'll get to experience much more than I did with my son because that was taken from me and him. I'll have to check back in around 2030 😀

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Iko87iko@reddit

Give it time, it will all fall to shit faster than you think.

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minor3929@reddit

50f with 17 year old boy/girl twins. I have good genes so I look younger. Both my parents looked younger than they were. I've lived a pretty soft life avoiding the sun, hard drinking and hard drugs. I take care of myself. My kids didn't age me, they gave me life.

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Lauren_sue@reddit

Had my kids at age 37 and 39 and they just graduated college. I still feel young, no illness, meds or any aches and pains at all. ( but I’m not foolish enough to believe all the compliments on how young I look.)

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Draterus@reddit

I never had children and it hasn't impacted me in one way or another. Life would certainly be different if I had, but this is the choice I made and I'm happy with it.

Now, with regard to looking young...I'm convinced there are three easy steps (outside of genetics) that keep people looking young:

Don't smoke cigarettes
Always wear sunblock, and
Always wear sunglasses

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auscadtravel@reddit

48 and same thing, no kids, we have sold houses and gone on adventures. Spend 7 years on a boat then RV traveling around North America. We just sold our last house and moved to Mexico (yay no more Canadian winters). Neither of us wanted kids because we know they would have ruined our life, i would have resented them so much. I can't stay in one place and go into an office everyday, it makes me depressed. Grateful to have found someone who is the same and we both want to move and change at the same time.

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Determinedpony@reddit

I am 55. I have two grown children and I have a total of 9 grandchildren through my children’s spouse and my husband’s. No one believes me when I tell them my age. I get senior citizen discounts. I was carded until my 40s. I was with a group of girls going to a casino back in the 90d and everyone was in their teens except me… the security guard asked for my ID only. I try to take care of myself and work out regularly. I try to eat clean… maybe that helps. I don’t like feeling crappy. I don’t drink cokes. Water and healthy coffee (mushroom) is about all I drink. Except mixed drinks/beer. Still no cokes though. Juice or tonic. Doesn’t make it healthier, I know.

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BreakfastAcceptable8@reddit

58M here. I had kids (3) later so they are still in HS & MS. I always felt like I looked young for my age. But I don't feel that way anymore. Part of that is most of the friends' parents are like 10 years younger than I am. And the last 10 years of daily life have been a grind. They are finally getting pretty self sufficient. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the days when they won't be around. It's all very surreal.

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Shoddy-Reply-7217@reddit

55 /F

Constantly told I look 10 years younger.

Had my one and only at 37.

Spent the majority of my life not wanting kids but the biological clock got me at 35, and it was actually the best thing I ever did.

Being a parent has made my attitude and approach to life younger, and also made me take care or myself more as I want to be around for a long time to see him grow.

If I'd have carried on partying like I did before he was born I'd probably be dead or worse by now.

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PuzzleheadedBobcat90@reddit

Damn! I must an acient genx cuz I'm 55!

I'm often told I don't look my age. I think the biggest factor in that is skincare. I never went tanning, wear sunscreen, and have a pretty good skin care routine. I also gave up makeup during the pandemic.

Growing up, I watched my friends, and my mom sit out with sun tanning lotion. I never had the desire to do that. Boring.

Also I think some of to is personality, how I dress, and how my hairstyle

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imdugud777@reddit

GenX starts at 1966.

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SnooHedgehogs6553@reddit

Ummm.

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NoIamthatotherguy@reddit

My wife is 1965 and I am 1966. We are the elder GenXers!

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imdugud777@reddit

Doh!

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pearlgirl10@reddit

49f no kids. I did want some at first, in my 20s, then I worked at a daycare. BEST BIRTH CONTROL EVER!! I was in a 18 year relationship with someone who had 2 kids but rarely saw them as the lived far away, they were ok. I love my nieces to death and wouldn’t trade them in for anything! I just like my freedom and money basically. I can come and go as I please and I have money to keep myself comfortable. I know I wouldn’t make a good mum. And I am glad I didn’t have to raise kids in this messed up world we have going on these days. Best decision I made.

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ginger_kitty97@reddit

People say I don't look my age, and I had 3 children. I assume it's due to my being a ginger who avoids the sun like a vampire, or that they're just saying what they think they're supposed to say.

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demona2002@reddit

Children are both a blessing and a curse.

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CommodoreVF2@reddit

I was ambivalent about kids. Wife wanted at least two. So that's what we have. First one turned out to be a special needs kid. The second is above average at school and pretty great.

But man, they're tiring. I'm often told I look younger than my age. Likely could've passed for a Millennial if I didn't have to stress about these kids, lol.

Now that I've had a couple health scares, I get to worry about what would happen with them if I were to kick off before they make it to adulthood.

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JMPolisena@reddit

I'll be 49 and had my kids in my 30s. Other than the bodily wear and tear, these are my best days. I'm loving this phase of my days.

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BreathClassic5211@reddit

I will be 51 this year,I never wanted kids either. The love of my life and my whole world came into my life almost 21 years ago,my son is the best part of me. I myself don't look my age either.

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imdugud777@reddit

No kids. Best decision.

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brooklynbotz@reddit

I really wanted to have kids. Part of me still wishes I had. Like you wrote, circumstances didn't allow for it but I'm glad for it looking at the state of the world now. I don't know how smart it is to force someone to have to live in the world that is to come over the next 75 years.

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Novagrl05@reddit

No kids. No regrets.

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SorchaRoisin@reddit

Coloring your hair helps a lot! I stopped during the pandemic, and no one ever is surprised about my age now! 🤣

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PeterPunksNip@reddit

I believe it's a combination of genetics+avoiding sun exposure+not having kids.

I soon will turn 58 and look 38. Maybe having stopped working at 40 in addition also plays a role ?

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Kestrel_Iolani@reddit

Agreed. 55, no kids, and I look and feel/act far younger than my contemporaries.

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Aloh4mora@reddit

I'm almost 51, but I have a smooth, youthful looking face (so far), and seem younger than I am. My hair is graying, but I still get mistaken for on my early 40s.

I have two kids, 21 and 18.

In my opinion, I still look young because of (1) genetics, (2) staying out of the sun as much as possible, (3) never smoking, (4) keeping my alcohol consumption low, (4) getting enough sleep, (5) not working a retail job (way lower stress), and (6) eating lots of fatty fish like salmon.

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Techchick_Somewhere@reddit

Keeping out of the sun is a HUGE factor that people underestimate. I look way younger than my age and most of it is from using a high SPF for the last 40 Years. When I was in my 20s I saw a massively sun damaged woman who was in her 40s and looked like she was 90. It terrified me.

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Fearless_Pay_8934@reddit

Never had kids because I told myself and my ex-husband that unless we would be willing to always put them first and realize our lives would be radically different, we could not do it. He is a toxic narcissist who spent money on whatever he wanted. I said, you'd have to stop that. He didn't want to. He's turned out to be such a toxic human being. I'm not sure if I hadn't been married to him if I would have had kids but I don't regret not having them with him. I'm the fun aunt. Whether I look younger? I dunno. People tell me I do but I'm not looking for that validation. I'm just trying to correct the sun damage my parents inflicted on spring breaks before warnings about sunscreen came out. I haven't been outside without sunscreen since I was 16.

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wezelboy@reddit

I'm 58. I made the mistake of having kids with the wrong partner. I look old and feel old. My kids are great though.

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midlife_dadpulse73@reddit

Im 53, with my only child being 5, almost 6...

I LIVED for many years...bar band musician, drummer/vocalist. I played hard and partied even harder for decades. I dont regret my life, I love where I ended up and who I ended up with (my wife is 14 years younger than me), I love my little family and all of the memories we make together. TBH, I'm glad I waited to get the bullshit out of my system. My patience is much better and I value each second with my son more after seeing what my friends went through, being parents and still growing and learning themselves.

Kudos to you. We all have a path, you chose yours wisely, as did I. 🤘

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Far_Kiwi_692@reddit

I(59F) have children, both are early mid 30s. My first marriage was not great. We stayed married for almost 20 years for the kids.

As bad as my marriage was, I do not regret having kids. They are both wonderful people and hard working adults who really enjoy their chosen professions and are both home owners and self supporting. Neither are married or show any signs of giving me grand children. Though I think they would be great parents they both say they aren't sure they would want to bring children into this world. I think it's their life, therefore their choice.

There are many reasons to have or not have kids. There are people who know themselves well enough to know they would not enjoy being a parent. Unfortunately, some people have kids without realizing they should not have.

The list is long of things I regret and wish I had done differently, but my kids aren't one of them. I do wish I hadn't been so afraid to leave my ex 15 years earlier or atleast stand up to him. But, then I might be a different me and maybe I wouldn't like myself as much as I do now.

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Waffuru@reddit

My husband and I still look on the youngish side. I pass for late 30s/early 40s and I'm in my early 50s. I've always assumed it's because we have no kids. Children cause stress and stress ages you. That's my theory anyhow.

My husband's younger brother looks older than him now. He has two kids and has been divorced. Again, could be coincidence, I do know plenty of adults with kids who look decently young, but I know more that look their age in the way I remember my parents looking their age.

I'm sure it just varies based on genetics and quality of life, but I do feel like not having the added stress of caring for another life helps a bit.

Neither of us wanted children and it was the right choice. Will I eventually die alone? Probably... but having kids wouldn't have necessarily changed that. I'm just gonna do the best I can and live my life, and hope my money can afford me enough comfort to make it to the end.

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BlueGalangal@reddit

😂 I have kids and am routinely guessed to be 10-15 years younger than my actual age. Anecdotes =/= data.

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missmgrrl@reddit

Samesies! I think OP is just contemplating his past choices right now and feeling pretty good.

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Sensitive-Question42@reddit

I’m 50 and have two kids aged 13 and 11 (they were born when I was 37 and 38 respectively).

I am genetically lucky to look younger than I am (my mother is 73 and looks like she’s in her mid-50s. My dad is 76 and looks about 60) and most people are stunned when I say I turned 50 in March.

However another one of my secrets is having my children later in life. I know people my age who have adult children who have children of their own.

But having relatively young children seems to trick people into thinking I’m at least 10-15 years younger than I am.

I was also worried about my children sucking away my youth (one of the reasons I had them later in life). And for the first few years I did look pretty rough due to stress and lack of sleep. But I’ve bounced back pretty well now and people tend to guess my age as between 35 and 40.

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The_Original_Miser@reddit

Me, (M) Never wanted kids. Took forever to find someone (F) that didn't want them either.

Glad I didn't compromise. (although, while I can compromise on what color to paint a room, there is no compromise on kids imho, either you have them or you don't). I look at my friends I knew from when I was younger that had kids and they aren't the energetic folks I knew (yes, I know we are getting older). Most of the kids that they had are OK, some of them are not. A lot of my friends are divorced. Some of them aren't in happy marriages. A few are doing OK, So all in all, that means the odds are stacked against you.

Like the OP I'm not saying my choice is right, but it is definitely right for me. I'd be miserable both socially and financially if I had to deal with all the "stuff" you have to deal with when having kids. Call me selfish if you wish, but my SO and I want to do what we want to do, when we want to do it - with nothing (other than normal things in life) getting in our way.

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Feed_Me_No_Lies@reddit

I’m your age, but gay. I thought I would never have kids. Now I have a 10 and an eight year-old. :)

For me, it was the best thing my husband I ever did. But I never thought I would be able to have kids so it’s interesting being on the other side when I thought it was something I would never experience. It’s not for everyone, obviously, but it was for me.

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curiouslywanting@reddit

This put a smile on my face that life has shown you unexpected joy. I didn’t want kids, but my partner did. It has been very fulfilling in ways that I didn’t expect

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Feed_Me_No_Lies@reddit

Yup. It’s the best thing we ever did. My husband was more ambivalent than me, but the *second* he held out son, he was in love.

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spelmangrad@reddit

52 here. Had my first when I was 19, got married at 26 and had my second. I used to have a great relationship with both, but my oldest is really influenced by a crazy cultish family member-so she does her, "respect my boundaries and you don't deserve more respect because you're my mother thing." Great relationship with my youngest. Honestly, while I would burn down the world for my daughters,... Let's just say-the second one was planned. The first one has broken my heart more than once and I know it's simply because I love her so much. I'd like to think I have no regrets, but that's different from being willing to do it all over again.

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BeachPlze@reddit

Almost 50 here. Wanted kids very much but never met anyone who wanted to have children with me and I wasn’t interested in going at it alone. I have two stepchildren and have been in their lives for 17 years. We have good relationships, but it’s not the same. I think my life would have had a lot more joy and fulfillment having had children, but who knows?

I will say that being a childless woman of a certain age tends to make one a bit of a freak in certain social circles.

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RHND2020@reddit

It’s funny, I know so many women/couples my age (50s) who don’t have children either. I guess it’s the area I live in and the social circles I am involved in, but probably about half of us don’t have kids. It doesn’t feel unusual at all. Some of them spend too much time talking about their dogs though, I will say. I don’t have a dog and I’d almost rather hear about people’s kids!

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Kimba26@reddit

56 and never had them. I don't regret it, for a number of reasons.... never had the drive, I deal with a couple of long simmering chronic illnesses that definitely would have been exacerbated by pregnancy and childbirth and possibly been life threatening, and I worry more about the world my nieces and nephews are inheriting with every passing day.

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Blrfl@reddit

I don’t have any tolerance for the idea that I don’t know what love really is because I never had kids.

You shouldn't because it's bullshit. You don't know what parenthood is, and that's fine because you're not a parent. Are there things you've missed out on as a non-parent? Yes. Are there things I've missed out on because I'm a parent? Also yes, but it isn't a contest.

Mrs. Blrfl and I thought we weren't going to be able to have kids at all thanks to clanky plumbing. Ours was a surprise, so it wasn't a choice other than not having taken steps to positively avoid it. Raising her was an ever-changing mix of hard work, aggravation and reward, which I think is the case with most kids. We still had a blast doing it. My only regret is about the future: we're American and my kid will probably have to live out her adult life in this mess if we can't right the ship.

There's no way to know if not having reproduced would have aged me less because there's no parallel, no-kids me to use as a control for that experiment. People age differently; I know people who haven't had kids, are in their 30s and still manage to look older than pushing-60 me.

As for the present-yourself-daily angle, have you ever heard that joke about how to know if someone's a runner? Don't worry, they'll tell you. Some people treat parenthood that way because it makes them feel better about themselves or maybe they have nothing else interesting going on in their lives. I'll bring it up if it's germane to the conversation, but I don't really need anyone else's approval.

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HistoryPristine1029@reddit

Early 50s, 3 kids. My only regret is that o didn’t have more of them. I’m not the hottest 50ish woman, but my younger BF thinks so, so I’ll take it lol

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krisann67@reddit

58f with 5 children. I had my first at 19. I do not look my age, and I certainly don't feel my age. Imo, the reason gen xrs look younger than previous generations is advancements in Healthcare, diet, lifestyle and daily products we use.

Many people didn't have Healthcare coverage in the 80s and early 90s. We had "pre existing condition" exceptions back then that allowed insurance companies to deny coverage for certain procedures or care. We have better medications now. We didn't have preventative care coverage.

A lot of people smoked and drank too much, which definitely ages a person. People didn't use sunscreen, and actually tried to get a suntan and didn't worry about sunburn. My mother sprayed baby oil on herself and laid out in the sun every summer to get as dark as possible. Her skin looked like dry, wrinkly leather when she died.

I'm fairly certain looking old will catch up with us by the time we are 75, unless we use botox or have procedures done.

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RedEvil7@reddit

47 with one child who is 30 now. I started & ended early when it came to children. My child is successful & resilient and we have a great relationship.

It's the best outcome I could've hoped for especially after everyone around us said we would fail horribly & our child would never amount to anything.

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Effective_Farmer_119@reddit

👏

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ONROSREPUS@reddit

I hate people that do that. People always assume the worse. I hope you get to enjoy rubbing it in those people's faces once in a while.

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RedEvil7@reddit

Ya, it was shitty especially when some of those folks were family. However, almost all the ones that did say that to us when we were so young are dead & gone now.

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Dapper_Tap_9934@reddit

My husband and I both wanted kids and have two great adult children that I am proud of in the world

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RHND2020@reddit

I’m 54F - never had kids. Never wanted them, even in high school I knew that. I’m fortunate my husband also didn’t want them, so we never had to struggle with that. We have happy, full lives with lots of nieces and nephews, who we enjoy. But I never had it in me to be a parent, to dedicate my life to someone other than myself like that. I would have been so resentful. Zero regrets!

I also get told I don’t look my age but I am trying to reframe that. “Thanks, but this is what 54 looks like.”

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Oryx1300@reddit

I think we need to agree that this whole "no one can believe I am my age" thing needs to stop. We are all the age we are, we are all different and most people are terrible judges of age. If you think you look good, congratulations! It doesn't mean you look objectively younger or older than anyone else your age.

In terms of do kids age you - that entirely depends on how you parent, what the challenges with your kids are, your financial situation, etc. Kids might stress you, but they also keep you young. I have young teens and I know all the music, the slang, the trends, the tech so it makes me able to relate to younger people. And probably I am a lot more tired that people without kids. Who knows?

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legosgrrl@reddit

Childfree. Zero regrets. 2nd husband is also childfree. We are not sad.

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The_Blendernaut@reddit

I will turn 58 this year and never had kids. I never wanted one. I have never been married but I have been in a relationship for the last 9-ish years. We don't feel pressure to marry either. I have always been staunchly independent and probably because of my upbringing. Social pressures to marry and have kids is crazy. I absolutely refuse to live my life according to someone else's standards.

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Xavelle@reddit

54/F. 7 kids, oldest is 35 and youngest is 19 (3 sons, 4 daughters). No regrets having kids. We are a very close family even with my 2 ex husbands. One ex remarried and I get along great with her as well.

I can't imagine being 54 with no kids. I already feel lonely enough some days now that they are all living their own lives. I have accepted that I'll likely never be in a relationship again. But having children and grandchildren makes my heart happy.

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Cali_Longhorn@reddit

I'm 53 so smack dab in the middle of Gen X. I have 2 kids but had them in my 40s so I still have almost a decade before the youngest goes to college. I like you hear that I don't look my age people tend to think max mid-40s. In some ways, having grade school kids in the house keeps me young. I try to run around with them, coach my son's soccer team etc.

I do focus on eating healthy and working out as does my wife. In part because we have young kids that we want to stay healthy for. So in many ways they are a motivation I have that without them maybe I don't track my health the same way. I'm motivated to keep myself fairly independent and healthy at least until they are say 30. I know I can't control that completely but I don't want them to have to worry about me as they enter adulthood and start their professional lives.

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lollroller@reddit

Late GenX? I’m 58 and my wife 57. We have two adult sons. Neither of us look upper 50s (at least that’s what we think).

I doubt having kids has anything to with it, other than possibly contributing to being over-stressed in general.

I think it is mostly due to genetics/luck (grey hair or not, thinning hair or not, skin age, etc…), with another large part due to not being overweight and not smoking (and no hard drugs), followed by maintaining muscle tone, and then by sun exposure/skin care, and then by personal appearance (clothes, hair style, etc…).

Nothing any of us can do about genetics and luck, but the good part is that every other factor is under our control

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mindgardening@reddit

I'm 46f and childfree, zero regrets. I also have no siblings and zero experience with children. I have typically only interacted with people my age or older for my entire life. Parenthood is not the lifestyle for me, nor would I have been a good parent. It was in the world's best interest that I didn't have kids. Instead of being a parent, I worked hard on my mental health and re-parented myself for the last 25 years to fix the bullshit piled on me by my boomer parents. I don't think I could have done that at all or as successfully had I been a parent. Fast-forward to now, and I healed a lot of my shit, and NOW I would be a good parent......except I still don't want to be one, and it's obviously too late and a VERY BAD idea to start first-time parenthood at age 46. (Not to mention the horrors of pregnancy in general, plus add the complications of a first-time pregnancy at this age. VERY bad idea.) But I'm in my first relationship with a man who has children (teens), and while it's (I'm) awkward, they're "perfect" kids and I'm doing my best with my zero experience. The timing of this entire story is kinda crazy.

Every single day I find a reason to thank myself for being childfree. And yes, I like my partner's kids, I care for them, and I would do anything to help and support them.

I also don't look my age. I have a few laugh-lines around my mouth and a few grey hairs, but otherwise I can pass for being in my early 30s. Estheticians and older people typically ask my age and then comment on my looks.

This was the right decision.

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Prestigious_Fox213@reddit

I am 53 and have two kids (22 & 17). People think I had them in my teens. They’re always surprised when I tell them my age. When people ask about my ‘secret’ I say it’s sunblock with a really high spf.

Ultimately, it’s luck of the draw.

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CrazyMinute69@reddit

That part about trading yourself in to fit the social order really resonated.

I'll be 48 in a few days. I did the exact opposite of you and bought right into the "get married, have kids, live happily Ducking ever after" script because it's what we were told to do.

Do I regret it? Yeah. I regret thinking that society's rules were the only option. I have two adult kids in their 20s, we're currently estranged, and the pressure to conform to all that before you even know who you are is so real.

I'm in my me me me erra. It feels like this age is all about stripping away everyone else's expectations and finding ourselves. Good for you for figuring that out early.

gif

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Hydroidal@reddit

Having children was the best thing I never did. I simply lack the ego required to make the conscious choice to create another person.

I’m unconcerned with how others view my appearance or age. That said, it seems people older than me think I’m younger than I am, and vice versa.

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Puzzleheaded-Sky3141@reddit

I turned 50 earlier this year. Never had kids. I thought i had to, but I kept putting it off, and around 28 i noped out. I got married though, and we've been together almost 16 years. We're not wealthy but we live well. Life right now is easy. The biggest stressor we have is trying to figure out retirement and ongoing medical issues, but that's scary for everyone.

I have absolutely no regrets about not having children. I'm relieved. It's trite, but I'm glad i don't have to explain this world to someone. Life is sometimes not a gift.

As far as looks go I still get carded sometimes (but now they have to do that if you look under 40, so it's not that big a deal).

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ssevcik@reddit

I’m the same age, people guess I am in my mid 30th. 2 kids. Have kid has been the single most rewarding thing in my life. Nothing else is even close. Only thing I could compare it to would be like being blind, then suddenly being able to see. Life changing and fulfilling.

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Ill-Consideration892@reddit

54 with 3 almost grown kids. I looked great at 50 but then it was like a switch and I aged 10 yrs - gray beard and salt/pepper on sides of head with a saggy eyebrow. LOL. Aging is interesting. I don’t think it had much to do with having kids. They’ve been the best thing in my life. Gave me purpose and focus.

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ONROSREPUS@reddit

I feel the same as OP. I have very very little gray hair. I am sure that will change soon. I think not having kids leads to less stress so maybe less gray? Who knows, I am sure that isn't how it works.

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jediHoo@reddit

Hate to break it to you, you’re not too old to still have kids, especially since you’re a man. My husband was your age when we had our daughter.

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

I had a vasectomy for my 30th birthday.

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Ok-Staff-62@reddit

I get the same 'treatment' - I look younger than I actually am - and I have 2 kids. Wasn't easy, wasn't hard. But I think genetics may have played a bigger role than kids.

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AppropriateAmoeba406@reddit

I’m 48 and still get regularly carded. I have 2 bio kids and primarily raise 3 step-kids.

It’s definitely genetics.

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Ok-Staff-62@reddit

I think so too, I just didn't want to spoil OP's fun now, before the weekend.

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KingPabloo@reddit

59M, wife is 56, two kids (18/19), I’m told “I look good for my age” but my wife on the other hand gets carded whenever she orders a drink still and can pass for someone under 30 easy.

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Deaner_dub@reddit

I didn’t want kids either until my BIL/SIL had twins. Then I was around babies for the first time in my life and I liked it. I was good with kids. And twins truly takes a village. And honestly, at that point it wasn’t like life was so exciting and busy that there wasn’t t room for kids.

So I’m older with a teen and tween. It’s good.

But for a long time I was in the no kids camp.

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Hydroidal@reddit

lol. Totally opposite for me. I’ve said many times that the best birth control is being around my sister’s kids, or any kids really. I find them tedious, loud, and sticky.

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Bulky-Sun8899@reddit

Has more to do with genes. I had a kid at 50. Crazy? Nah. It’s the best thing ever and it’s keeping me young. Tell yourself whatever you want it to be, but my sibling never had kids or a spouse and looks “old”. Peace ✌️

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MeowMeowCollyer@reddit

Unless that baby came out of your body, shut tf up and sit tf down.

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Typical-Produce-6415@reddit

Yes he came out of my body meowmeow, but I am adopted. Should my mother shut tf up and sit tf down if she has a parenting experience to share?

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radioactivecat@reddit

OP is male - while I understand why you said this I also don’t.

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Typical-Produce-6415@reddit

I also had my son when I was 50. I feel the same. Best thing ever. (Yes he came out of my body meowmeow, but I am adopted. Should my mother not express her experiences of parenting?)

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Spiritual_Regular557@reddit

No kids. Was married but it never happened. I do get told I look younger than I am. I say it was the booze that pickled me and it’s because I don’t have children.

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worstpartyever@reddit

I don’t have kids but I look old as fuck

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Bibliophile1998@reddit

50F here, married 27 yrs with 3 kids we had at ages 28, 30, and 35 (the last is a bonus baby from Snowmageddon 2010 😂). The hubs and I look slightly younger but also live healthy lives with regular workouts, fairly clean eating, etc. we have friends who are younger with no children who look our age…I think genetics, lifestyle, and luck play a huge role.

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Equivalent_Win8966@reddit

50 with one child. I never wanted kids. No interest in being a mother and was/am very career oriented. I had one because my now ex-husband changed his mind after we got married. Of course once our son was here he didn’t want to be a dad. So I’ve raised a 17yo neurodivergent child pretty much on my own. Would I choose being a parent if I got to make the choice over again? Absolutely not. It has not been joyful nor rewarding. I’m just fortunate that I have a successful career that has afforded me help raising him. I definitely think being a parent especially to an ND child has aged me. But being active, having a healthy diet, not drinking, not smoking and a good skincare and self care routine has countered some of it.

Some people are getting hung up on the giving up a version of yourself to be a parent, but I think it’s absolutely true. I absolutely had to give up a version of myself I worked so hard for to be the mother my child deserved. For some people that new version makes them happy. For others it doesn’t.

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cwcharlton@reddit

I'm amazed by the honesty I'm seeing in so many of these responses. Your honesty and self awareness are admirable.

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Maximum-Still-2484@reddit

Mid 50s, been married 30 years this summer. Two kids both now out of college. One fully launched in her career, the other trying to find his way. No regrets whatsoever. They’re great kids. I give a lot of credit to my wife. She stayed home with them in their early years and loved every minute of it. Looking back it was hectic times with all the school, sports, and dance activities, but I kinda miss it now.

I have thought about what it would have been like to not have kids. Probably could be retired by now. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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anniecet@reddit

Some while ago I (48F) was visiting my mother (66F) and we were getting ready for something. Changing clothes. She looked me up and down, sighed heavily and told me “I didn’t look anywhere as good as you do at your age.” My mother isn’t prematurely old or anything. Just a normal woman. And she was drop dead gorgeous in her day. She also had 5 children and I have none. I am just starting to show the first noticeable signs of aging, but I can still pass for much younger.

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Smokinlizardbreath@reddit

I get the same at 54, but i straight up say it is because I didn't have kids that I look this young. But I know it is genetics, we are blessed with good skin and a high white blood cell count.

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Charming_Butterfly90@reddit

Chose no kids. 54 and no regrets. So many kids and grandkids ended up in my life along the way that I still feel blessed and surrounded by love. My partner’s oldest granddaughter is graduating high school on Friday. My youngest niece is graduating the following week. My goddaughter is due to give birth to her 3rd child on Sunday. My youngest great nephew turns one next month. Still feeling pretty young for the most part. Out on the Harley as often as weather allows.

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ZarinaBlue@reddit

Gave birth to my one daughter in 2000, and I was about to turn 25. Her father and I divorced but stayed close.

Turns out he had a genetic condition that causes cancer. Colon cancer at 36. Spontaneous mutation. Our daughter has it too.

I knew I would be taking care of him till the end and then our daughter one day.

Didn't really leave me with wanting more children. Although I would do anything for her.

Her dad passed in 24. He was my best friend.

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Ok_Responsibility419@reddit

I’m so sorry, sending good-stranger hugs your way.

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Cptnmisfortune@reddit

I have 5 children and have raised several more over the years, being a mom was the crowning achievement of my life. If we had more money back then I would have had kids until they didn't come anymore and I started at 17. My kids are all very good kids. They have good jobs, work hard, are kind to people and are very close to each other.

I don't know if there's any correlation of looking older if you have children. I think it's more likely genetics, and lucky for me my mom is almost 70, had 4 children and she is absolutely gorgeous.

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Electrical_Fishing81@reddit

I’ll be 50 later this year and he just turned 54. No kids. Wanted them but couldn’t have them and adoption wasn’t an option for us.

There is a little bitterness for various reasons but we are making the best of it and trying to enjoy what we have. Also, seeing the state the world is currently in, part of me is glad I don’t have to try and explain the screwedupness to my kids.

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JustWow52@reddit

People regularly assume that my ex-DIL and I are sisters or partners. (We're not! Lol) She's 34 and I'm 60.

I have three children and seven grandchildren, one of whom is a teenager in the autism spectrum who lives with me.

I would probably be dead if I had chosen to be child-free. Just saying

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MeowMeowCollyer@reddit

You’re probably right. Not everyone’s bodies are ravaged by pregnancy and childbirth, but many (most?) are.

And then there’s 30+ years of worry, stress, sacrifice, sleeplessness, financial insecurity…

Not having kids is a veritable fountain of youth!

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houseocats@reddit

I never wanted kids and was lucky to find a partner who also did not. We've been together 33 years. Absolutely no regrets. My not being a parent tends to be something that makes a difference to others, not me. People definitely want to analyze me for this aspect of my life, and it's super annoying. I don't present myself with this choice in mind, however.

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paperbasket18@reddit

“People definitely want to analyze me for this aspect of my life, and it's super annoying.”

I hate this for you, and can relate. I have a longtime friend, who I don’t see much these days partially for this reason, who was obsessed with having kids back when we were in our 30s and went on to have two of them (with an asshole, but I digress.) I was never interested in kids and was honest about that when people would ask. This friend, over the last 10-15 years, brings up my lack of kids constantly. Sometimes in front of other people (like asking me at a party when I was going to have a kid, back when I was still of child bearing age), other times one on one where she’ll reference me having kids out of nowhere. To say it’s obnoxious is an understatement. I know a lot of this comes from her own dissatisfaction with her life (such as the asshole hubs) but it still grates. Especially because I never really talk about being child free unless someone brings it up. Anyway, thanks for letting me rant!

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trexcrossing@reddit

Also late X. Also look much younger. Have 2 kids. They’re wonderful. They keep me young. Without them, I’m not sure what motivation I’d have to do better.

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IfICouldStay@reddit

Oh, we all look younger than our age 🙄. Thats just because Gen X is the latest batch of middle aged people and we are aging in our own way. Every generation does this. As a kid I remember Boomers claiming 40/50 was the new 20, because they still looked so damn good and not aged like their own parents had been. Let’s stop pretending.

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TrianglePope@reddit

I’d be more likely to guess it’s because marketing and society have warped what we think “50” looks like. Since apparently we’re at crypt-keeper status once we’re no longer age 12 or whatever the newest threshold is.

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HLLAuntClaire@reddit

Wait until you hit 51. Watch. It’s pretty fuckt up. I warned you. Enjoy your last months saying this✨

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CardinaLiz4@reddit

Oddly specific but I think you're right. I still looked young at 50 but within a year or two, not so much.

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Rich_Group_8997@reddit

LOL you might be onto something. I turned 51 a few months ago and, a week later, seriously injured myself while rolling over in bed. I'm scheduled for surgery in the weeks. 🤣

Also, I feel like most people of our generation don't look our age... Even if we do feel it.

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HLLAuntClaire@reddit

I’m mixed race so I’ve always looked younger than my age. But with the last 10 years of this bullshit - it’s wearing on my face and hands now

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Recordeal7@reddit

My wife is mid 50’s and she easily looks early 40’s. I mean, I’ve seen other women dismiss her as lying or pissed off she looks so good.

We’ve been together almost 20 years and people say the most horrible things behind my back about our relationship. The “what the hell is she doing with him” comments have never stopped. When the newness wore off, it made the first few years of our relationship fairly difficult at times. But we’ve made it.

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CleMike69@reddit

Kids make everything about my life better it’s the wife that stresses me out. I’m 56 and people think im early 40s it’s not about not having kids it’s about genetics and taking care of yourself

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SFLoridan@reddit

I have looked older than my age, or how I felt, ever since I crossed 45, mostly because of developing insomnia. Even my mom has said so, in a very sad tone 🙂. My hair has fallen in clumps, I have bags under my eyes, etc.

But I can't attribute any of that to my kids. Just my own biology.

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wrhnj@reddit

I’m 52 with no kids either. I get told I look at least 10 years younger all the time. Maybe it’s because I’ve always had time to exercise and eat a healthy meal after work.

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formerretailwhore@reddit

My kids are my greatest challenges and biggest joys.

I see why people thrive without them, but I couldn't imagine my life with out them

Im a very late genx 47 this year, but, my kids are all in college..

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Pretend_College_8446@reddit

Having kids is the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done. Raising them to be responsible, thoughtful young people has been frustrating and incredibly rewarding. I might look younger if I hadn’t had children, but I also might’ve let myself go without the raison d'être, who knows. It’s clearly not for everyone. I feel lucky though.

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mcluhan007@reddit

No kids, was able to retire early in my 40s. I’ve lived in several bible belt Southern states (USA) and have been told that I’m going to hell for going against god’s plan. 🤷

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Gamma_Chad@reddit

My wife and I had two kids later (6.5 years) into our marriage. While we had a blast prior to that, I now struggle to figure out what EXACTLY we did prior to having the boys (21 & 17). They brought so much MORE to our lives. My wife recently passed away in December at 55 from cancer. I don’t know if I could’ve made through this without them.

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PahzTakesPhotos@reddit

The only thing about me that makes people think I'm my age is that I let my hair go gray after decades of coloring it. I have three kids, they're in their 30s. We had our kids young (while he was in the Army) and now they're awesome adults.

My children didn't age me, time does that on it's own.

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hold--the--line@reddit

My hubby is 8.5 years you ger. He shows bags under his eyes way more than me. He has furkids; to me their pets. I let my hair go gray because I'm lazy- pathetic of least resistance (true GEN X). At 55, people think I'm his mom (people who see us from afar - like a car salesman on the lot)... but I act younger and I look younger except the hair. He has more aches/pains.... but I need retirement much more than he does (at least right now)... I am burnt out. Once my gray comes in all the way - I think it will be even more becoming; though I know I could get a quick dye and change people's far away impression in a snap. The other funny thing is the younger people that think gray hair is cool, similar to how pink hair is cool. Lol. No kids may be the reason for acting more youthful/feeling more youthful looking... but I suspect I may have been this way even with kids.

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PahzTakesPhotos@reddit

I started going gray at 17 and I fought it as much as I could. But in my early 40s, I got tired of the upkeep. Sure it looked great, but just dealing with it became tedious. After growing it out for about a year, I got tired of waiting and had it cut into a pixie cut (at the end of 2019). About 8 months ago, I realized I'd had this same haircut for six years. So now I'm trying to grow out the pixie cut and it's driving me nuts. (the waiting, not the actual growing-out).

I'm 56 now and this is what my hair looks like right now.

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Bucks2174@reddit

58 here. Married to the same wonderful woman for 36 years. My two now adult kids are the greatest accomplishment of my entire life. They are now both married. My son is in his 9th year in the AF with two kids of his own, my daughter has a 2 year old and one on the way. Th way married well, they work hard, and love God and their families. There is nothing else I could ask of them. Was it stressful at times? Yes mostly because we had little money in those early years. But was it worth it? 1000%. My wife and I’s only regret is we stopped at two.

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mrsredfast@reddit

Had a young face until I lost weight in my fifties. Enjoy it while you can.

We have four kids. Didn’t seem to affect how old I looked. There were definitely times I’d wish I’d made other choices. But now that they’re grown and have great spouses and we have some grandkids, this is the best time of my life. I just enjoy the hell out of all of them. They’re my favorite people in the world.

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LLL-cubed-@reddit

Yesss!

Same here (only 3 kids, & 1 grand).

My adult kids & their partners are my people 😊

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disco_super_bi@reddit

I'm 48yo, had two kids in my 20s, and I've had three open heart surgeries, so I've done it pretty tough. But I still don't look my age. I'm pretty sure it's genetic, my dad and my sister also look young for their years, my sister has three kids and has been a single mum for most of it. We are of Nordic ancestry, mostly Swedish.

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Fudloe@reddit

I look fantastic! Had my kid at 42. (Well, my ex did. My involvement was really only about 3.7 minutes of mild physical exertion).

Kid only make you look old if you don't raise 'em right and they make your life hell. My kid skates witj me, hunts with me, camps with me, plays bass in his own band and sometimes mine and is already in an apprenticeship for the trades.

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sffood@reddit

I have two kids (twins), but if I did it over, and had I known myself better back when I was 24, I’d not have kids. It’s one life and I want to live it for me and nobody else….is the selfish truth. And the ability to do that, I do believe, does keep you young(er).

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snowtweet@reddit

53 and have two kids. One in college and the other is in middle school. Both my partner and I appear young. I abused my body in the late 80s, early 90s, but since then never smoked and rarely drank. Kids are HARD. Expensive, tiring, but no regrets. I love to see them grow into the amazing humans they're becoming. My partner. He sucks. He's more work than the kids.

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Lickford@reddit

People lie.

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Hausmannlife_Schweiz@reddit

I am old Gen X. Turn 61 next week.

I think the key is your partner. Ive been married to the same person since 89. We have two kids. The kids made life fun and interesting, but now that they are gone it is my wife that keeps me content.

Not sure what you mean by presenting myself, but I am happy with the choices made. No regrets because they have not all turned out, but they were made with the best information I had at the time.

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Available-Bison-9222@reddit

It's genetics, not being childless.

My father and his sister look about 10 years younger than they are. They are both in their 80's. I'm hoping for those genes.

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mrspalmieri@reddit

Definitely genetics. My grandma is 100 and she's still healthy and going strong, still lives in her own house by herself without help. She has 5 kids, 13 grandchildren, 16 great grandchildren and 2 great-great grandchildren. She looks great

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XennialEyeRoll@reddit

Wow! She looks amazing!

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BellaFromSwitzerland@reddit

Wishing your grandma all the best and many more smiles

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Available-Bison-9222@reddit

She does look amazing. Congrats on her 100th birthday, that's a fantastic achievement.

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DumbScotus@reddit

I’m turning 50. Have several kids, one of them disabled, I am constantly stressed, overworked and underpaid, don’t get enough sleep, etc… people tell me I look about 38. They are consistently shocked when I tell them my real age.

I just have a baby face. It’s a coincidence OP, kids have nothing to do with it.

(For the record raising kids has been easily the most interesting and rewarding thing I’ve ever done, and generally a truly wonderful experience. For me! Doesn’t mean it’s for everybody and I respect everyone else’s choices.)

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blondvet@reddit

The day a woman discovers that she is pregnant, her life is never again her own. She can never again make a decision without considering the effect it will have on her child.

It has changed me in ways that I sometimes can’t comprehend. Motherhood has made me choose to man up and get shit done, when I otherwise would not have. I understand it’s not for everyone. I have no shade for those who never wanted or couldn’t be parents. But I’m glad I made the decision to have the kids I have. And I’ve been able to embrace a couple of step kids along the way. I will also forever be grateful for these amazing people in my life.

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BellaFromSwitzerland@reddit

This is the best summary of the parenting experience from a woman’s perspective

I already made a longer top comment but I’m at a stage where my kid is old enough for me to reclaim some of my energy, time and creativity

It’s like when you exit the pregnancy - childbirth - 4th trimester - breastfeeding tunnel and your body is yours alone again

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jennimackenzie@reddit

I’d guess it was genetics. But, yeah.

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FailureFulcrim@reddit

You don't know what you don't know. I don't know life without my kids. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. I can't imagine a life without them.

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BellaFromSwitzerland@reddit

You might have missed the point of OP

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FailureFulcrim@reddit

If I did, I don't think he made a point.

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Serious_Pea42@reddit

Oof. I'll never say this to them of course because I love them more than anything. But I'm fully aware as I age (didn't matter before now) that my life is significantly shittier benadryl I chose to have children before I could afford them. They're almost all grown adults now, but if I could back and change one thing. Yes it would be that. To love should not be for both to suffer endlessly. 😮‍💨

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robotropolis@reddit

My childfree friends look younger, in my opinion. That 2-4 years of intense sleep deprivation at the beginning is so damaging. I had my kid older and it nearly took me out.

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BellaFromSwitzerland@reddit

Wait until you get second hand stress from your now teenager’s bad decisions. That’s what currently ages me

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BellaFromSwitzerland@reddit

I’m young GenX turning 47 with an 18yo son whom I raised mostly alone once it became clear that his father (who had sworn becoming a father and a primary caregiver was his life goal) realized that he wasn’t cut out to be a father

Good on you OP to have that self awareness

Fwiw I look super young too, we’re often mistaken to be a couple and it’s a disturbing feeling

To your questions / thoughts

- of course you can know what real love is if you’re not a parent yourself. I would argue, it’s often hard to love your children.

Just these last couple of weeks I have talked to 3 men who said that either they loved their daughter but didn’t like her (different values); are currently not on speaking terms with their teenager (I think this is wrong on the father’s side and did tell him that his son was probably « pushing him » to know whether he could really count on him); or felt they were a target for their teenagers’ moods and nonsense.

Conclusion : don’t have kids if what you’re after is unconditional, reciprocal love.

- how do I feel about my choice of having children : I thought it wasn’t for me. I never felt the child wish or the urge. I had mine to allow my then husband to fulfill his dreams, under a divorce ultimatum. So obviously I don’t feel good about the circumstances, it wasn’t my choice but I’m very happy with the outcome because I’m really close to my son

- how it impacted my life : it’s been hard, probably more hard in my case because I never had the calling to become a mother (if you knew me IRL you wouldn’t be able to tell). For 18+ years every decision I took from what groceries to buy to what jobs to apply for and how to spend my free time, always had to be taken with my son’s best interest in mind

- the future : my son turned 18 a few months ago and I’m in the midst of peri menopause and a career change. Financially I did very well for myself. I had a huge aha moment not long ago when I realized I can now claim back my time, my energy, my creativity and pursue my own goals. It gave me such an energy boost that I’m literally radiating from every pore of my body

- all in all, I have someone in my life whom I love and feel very close to, he’s the person who knows me best. It’s great to be in an adult to adult relationship with your offspring. I have close friends who are still getting pregnant and in this world, in this economy, with climate change and everything I just don’t understand them

- parenthood is a touchy subject so I learned to keep my opinions to myself but if someone were to ask, I would say only have children if it’s your life’s calling. Respect people who don’t want them. Don’t pry (there are more people struggling with fertility and child loss than you could imagine). Show up for your friends and family, be the village for them. I’m glad the generations after us are more cautious when taking the decision.

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QueenRotidder@reddit

I don’t have kids and get told I look 10+ years younger than I am all the time. I don’t even have any gray hair yet. I don’t have the healthiest lifestyle and some not insignificant health issues. But I look younger because no kids.

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Open_Appointment1091@reddit

I (58m) have/had nine first cousins. Of the 10 grandchildren all had been married and divorced at least once except for the oldest. He and his wife have been married over 40 years and they never had kids. Everyone else, including me, divorced with children. They cracked the code. Cutest couple you ever saw as they were made just for each other.

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WillDupage@reddit

My parents were “older” when my brother and I were born: 34 & 39. They were typically older than my peers’ parents by 5-10 years. That kept them “younger”. On the other hand I’m 54, and don’t have children, and I look my age - a well maintained, in-good-shape 54, but nobody says I look younger than that.
Fresh out of college to my mid-30s I taught elementary and then middle school. That pretty much fulfilled any “nurturing” instinct I had; the thought of coming home to another person wholly dependent upon me after spending 9 hours with 400 other people’s children sealed the deal: “no reproduction for you, sir.”
I have nephews and cousins that I get to be the cool uncle and that’s good enough for me.

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LadyNorbert@reddit

In my case, it wasn't a choice. I'm unable to have children due to my assorted health problems, which also make it impractical for me to adopt. I get sad about it now and then (Mother's Day can be hard on me) but in largest part I've come to terms with it. I also look younger than my age, which is probably just a coincidence but who knows.

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LuceLeakey@reddit

I have known since I was a teenager that I never wanted kids. As a woman growing up in a big Catholic family, it was always assumed that I would. My mother harassed me until I was in my 40s to have a baby, just because she liked babies. I do not.

I'm 57 now and I'm immensely glad that I have been lucky enough to never get pregnant. I can't imagine having a kid in a world like this, not to mention grandchildren.

I am happily childfree and there has not been a single instance in my life where I was experiencing something and thought, "You know what? Having a kid here would make this better!"

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TrentWashburn@reddit

Early genx here.

Don’t worry age will come for you.

Until pretty recently people would always comment that they couldn’t believe I wasn’t like a decade or more younger than I look.

Not so much now and I have to fight and be purposeful to not loose muscle and flexibility.

No smoking, no drugs, no drinks other than a handful spread out over a year.

I’m retiring soon and nobody’s saying I look too young…decades of work stress and putting my health to the side gradually caught up.

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emover1@reddit

Later this year i will turn 50. I have three kids . Two girls aged 9 & 5 and a boy aged 4.

I look 15’ish years younger for my age. Probably has a lot to do with how carry myself as well as i eat healthy and am pretty active.

Having family is the best, i think they hold a big hand with keeping me youthful . I have no choice but to show up and be there for them , and considering their age , mostly right now , that means physically being there , playing with them and keeping them engaged .

I wouldn’t trade having a family for anything.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard someone try’s to express it , the feeling Is really inexplainable . It’s the best , and there is no way to really explain it to someone who has not lived it.

You have absolutely missed out on one of life’s greatest potential experiences.

Having a family comes with great responsibility , so i totally understand why some people are terrified by the idea of it and ultimately scared away from it.

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MassCasualty@reddit

I will tell you as someone who is blessed with a full head of hair in his 50s… How often do you shave and how full your hair is...is the greatest determination of how old you look.... Worrying about your children wears you out on the inside.

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

lol. i never expected a response like this. I still have most of my hair. I’m the only male on both sides of my family to not be bald by 35 so I make mailman jokes with my mom. I’ve shaved with a razor exactly twice since I turned 22. You may be onto something as far as appearance goes.

I’m glad to hear you’re a grateful father as well.

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MassCasualty@reddit

It's totally real. The full head of hurricane can fool a lot of people. I have high school friends who were balding during senior pictures. I look significantly younger than them. I also do try to keep in shape, exercising, etc..

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Jindalee_WA@reddit

My husband is 66. He has a very thick head of hair and is only now starting to grey around the temples. He is always mistaken for being considerably younger than he is. He shaves mostly daily. My come on to him has always been, “Are you shaving tonight?” I am not a fan of kissing or being kissed by hairy lips!

We celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary earlier this year. He is 9 years older than me, but the age difference has never been an issue and if anyone thought anything about it, they never said anything.

That said, I think it has only been in the last few years that I think I look old, but, at 57, I’m walking down hill now, not up!

I have never liked kids, so I went and had two, two boys now in their late 20s. My mother was shocked when I told her I was pregnant! It was a bloody hard slog being a mother, especially having one with ADHD, but I made my bed and I felt an enormous responsibility for. I know that I would be bitter now if I had not have had them. The eldest has given us 2 grandies, but we don’t get to see them much because we now live on the other side of the country, 3400km away.

My greatest gift in life has been my husband. He is very thoughtful and kind and he’s still the man of my dreams. Every single friend/family we have are envious of the relationship we share. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my kids and grand babies, but I can’t imagine having done life without him and am incredibly grateful that he is always by my side!

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DetroitsGoingToWin@reddit

I have three, they are my favorite people along with my wife. I consider myself very fortunate. I work very hard, I’m always on the move, but it works and I’m happy.

I think it works because my wife shares my enthusiasm for the family, you really need a partner that as all-in and lots of luck to make it work.

That being said, I can 100% see how childless or even single people get along great. I think you need to understand yourself and your needs and build your life in that direction. If you make a wrong move, it’s very difficult to repair.

One thing about COVID it really shined a light on the domestic situation that people built their lives on. For better or worse we all try our best to make do with the circumstances life puts in front of us.

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Realistic_Young9008@reddit

I didnt want to have kids when I was younger but ended up married and living in a country for a while where I wasn't allowed to work. The love I have for them is unimaginable and I don't regret it one bit. I know there were things I effed up, my own childhood examples were not great, and post divorce I really struggled financially and with profound loneliness - raising kids on your own is hard. The life I ended up having was wildly different than what I ever imagined when I was in my teens/early 20s and for sure there are regrets but Im glad my life took that 180.

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Unver1f1eduser@reddit

Having children can change the mother and father approach to life and their relationship.On the first night that my daughter was born I realized that there is another human being who is entirely reliant on me earning a living and feeding her.

Later on the mother started to drive academic excellence for the children. I did not see that coming as she was not by her admission academically minded in school.

Children can add stress to a relationship especially when the couple have different outlooks to life.

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doobette@reddit

I'll be 48 in a few months and am childfree. No regrets. Early retirement is our plan.

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Ok_Albatross_3887@reddit

Older Gen X. I married someone (love of my life, best friend, ride or die) from another country and we both had older parents and we just never had kids because we spent a lot of time traveling really long distances to see our families, and building our careers and then our business. Children just weren’t something we discussed in detail, and then I hit 50 and we realised we’d not had kids.

When my husband died unexpectedly and quite suddenly a few years ago, I was utterly lost. We’d created a bubble where we were each other’s everything. I have thought about children, and really— I don’t think we’d have done anything differently. I don’t miss having kids, but I sure do miss him.

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Impressive_Duck_3569@reddit

So sorry for your loss.

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Minute-Yogurt-2021@reddit

Nah, it's the generation thing. Me and my best female friends were for a while single parents and people were always wrong about our age.

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LittleEdithBeale@reddit

I'm 51, CF, and a guy I've volunteered with for years was legit shocked to find out that I'm not in my 30s. CF people often look younger than people who've had kids. More sleep, less stress

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Normal_Ad1068@reddit

I never had kids because of a disability I felt would damage my body and make it difficult to care for them. I feel bad that disability stole the option and a normal life from me. However, no 49, I don't regret not having kids.

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TulsaOUfan@reddit

I'm another graceful ager. I raised 4 kids. I think it's not smoking cigarettes, staying active, eating healthy, unprocessed food, and just giving a shit about my appearance.

I look totally different when I'm dressed out for the day with a fresh haircut, styled beard, and fashionable clothes versus coming off a 30 hour gaming session in the dark, wearing only a pair of shorts, eating a banana, and chugging Mt Dew.

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Bartlaus@reddit

Same, pretty much, except the kids are still in the middle of being raised. Not smoking, having lucky genetics, being physically active, etc. is my explanation.

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JJQuantum@reddit

It does kind of sound like you have a grudge against people who did have kids but whatever.

I’m 57 and have 2 sons. My wife is 55. People are forever surprised at our ages, thinking we are in our 40’s. I’m not sure what else you are looking for but marrying my wife and having our 2 sons are the best things I’ve ever done. I have friends who didn’t have kids and they seem fine. To each his own but I wouldn’t change a thing.

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afanning76@reddit

I’m turning 50 this year, I have two teenage boys, a thriving career I’m proud of and a kick ass husband who’s my best friend. I’ve always been fit, kept myself up well and probably look around 46/47. I’m not worried about some of the wrinkles and slight grays that are showing up, I’m embracing them. In fact I’m loving this chapter of my life where I don’t give a s$&t anymore what people think. I’m creating my plan to retire early, focus on health, family and friends because you only live once. So in short, no, I don’t regret any of my decisions and have been living the life that is perfect for me.

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mr_vestan_pance@reddit

57m (keep being told I look younger so I’ll take that!) relatively late in my early 40s but happily married with two children 15(f) and 11(m). Being married and a Dad has brought me a level of fulfilment, satisfaction and contentment I previously didn’t know was possible. I actually say ‘thank you’ a lot for the life I have now. Funny thing is that I had to have a few bad relationships in order to find out what was right for me, but I’ve got here in the end. Downside is that I’ll be working until retirement (67) to help support my children when they go to University etc, but I’m good with that. If anything I think my kids keep me younger.

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Ray_The_Engineer@reddit

59/M, I have 2 grown daughters. Your wording speaks volumes: "I never had to trade myself in for a version of me..." You clearly mark yourself as being more genuine or something because you didn't start a family. There seems to be a cohort of folks here that want to post up shouting about how glad they are that they didn't have kids, announce that their lives are better than ours for it. Um, ok, if it's some kind of catharsis for you, have at it, I guess.

Last weekend I watched my younger kid walk across a stage at a prestigious university and be announced as a Doctor of Physical Therapy. Both of my kids are frankly amazing, and I had a part in that. I wouldn't trade that for anything...and I don't sit around judging folks that chose a different path.

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Far-Management-2007@reddit

I have had people be surprised about my age for years. I have two kids. I'm very late 40s. I can't even ascribe it to good living. I dodge salad and exercise, and drink like a fish. Oily skin for the win?

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Physical_Ad5135@reddit

I am an older GenX female in my upper 50s and I have 3 kids. I have zero regrets and cannot imagine a life without my kids. I am mistaken for younger also but it is genetics and I look like my dad - he is now 80 - and he appears to be in his mid 60s. There are studies that show that women who have kids are aged by the it, but generally men are not so probably you are just lucky with the genetics pool too. Is likely I would look younger if I had no kids.

Family is very important to me and I speak to my mother multiple times a week. Over the last few years, my daughter and I have fell into that same pattern. We now have 2 grandchildren ❤️. I won’t tell you that you don’t know love, but I will say I am insanely happy with my decision to have my children. It was all worth it!

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cl0ckw0rkman@reddit

I turned 50 five months ago. Not only do I have children but I act like one too.

One of my favorite games to play, is when someone asks me how old I am. I tell them, "Before I answer I want you to guess. I have a 32 year old and a 22 year old."

Hair is thinning out a bit but little to no grey. Always talking about nerdy things, playing games and whatnot.

No one at work believes I am 50.

If anything the 22 year old keeps me young. He cracks me up.

We don't stop playing cuz we got old. We get old cuz we stop playing.

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GreatOne1969@reddit

Any questioning of myself, any regret or loneliness, has been put upon me by society and peer pressure. Not internal.

I’m sure I missed out on great experiences. But I also missed out on the bad stuff that people don’t talk about or post online.

I have been told I have the temperament to make a good spouse and parent, and I had great role models for both. It never happened and in reflection, I had the right amount FOR ME. That is all that matters.

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HeyDugeeeee@reddit

I too look younger than my years. Again, drugs and alcohol! That said, we adopted our daughter 11 years ago and it has definitely aged us. Adopting is f-ing hard - its like being a parent and a therapist rolled into one, along with a ton of baggage and stuff most parents don't have to deal with. I wouldn't change it for the world though - our daughter is amazing and we've met amazing people because of it. Its all just life - no other way but forward.

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GuitarHeroInMyHead@reddit

I never had any other thought than to get married and have children. My marriage and children have brought me so much joy - it is indescribable. It has made me a better man and person. I never would have understood the meaning of selflessness without my wife and kids.

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r7pxrv@reddit

All my peers say I look younger than my age, same goes for my wife... we don't have kids either, we had long chats about having them when we were in our prime and I'm not someone who regrets something I've never had/done (that's counter productive).

All our friends say we would have been great parents, by the way we interact with their kids, but that's just because we don't have to deal with them 24/7 and short visits are not a measure of being a great parent.

After over thirty years together, we're fine with our choices, all our "heirlooms and such" will just go our nieces and nephews and I intend to spend every penny of our assets/funds before we shuffle off!

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kb_colas@reddit

Ick!!!

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GusSwann@reddit

Double ick.

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kb_colas@reddit

The OP deleted his response to me....

I reckon his grandiosity got the best of him. Triple ick....

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

You’re pretty gross too.

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paulrin@reddit

Didn’t have kids, married for 25 years. I also didn’t treat myself too well - smoked cigarettes (mostly) on and off from 16 to 45, I probably tried to quit 10 times, finally had my last cigarette at the start of Covid. I’ve been more or less a daily drinker since I was 18. I have only periodically been a regular at the gym. I still have eaten pretty well. People don’t believe I’m 52. Getting more grey in my hair, but I weigh less than I did when I left college. Did a normal wet shave until ~10 years ago, but now just a beard trimmer. I had to go to hospital a year ago, and both the nurse and Dr asked what I did for work. (likely to make I didn’t have to over-exert), I told them I was Retired, and both said “you don’t look 65!!!” I thought that was numerous.

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Criseyde2112@reddit

People usually are astonished when I tell them my age. I think it's because I got a lot of sleep when I was in my 20s, lol. But I also never smoked, which is hell on your skin. The lines around your mouth from puffing really show as we age, as it is.

Didn't have my son until I was 40. Didn't get married until I was 32, because I wanted to make sure I was fairly grown up and done with being wild and irresponsible. I didn't want to drag anyone into that, and I run fastest when I run alone. You should have seen me loping through airports when I was younger! Anyway, I got that all out of my system and settled down happily to be quirky and raise my son to embrace his quirkiness.

I'm almost 58 now, and I'm very content. I've checked off a ton of stuff along the way, and I have gotten nearly everything I pursued. Some things I stopped chasing because I didn't want them any longer, and all of it has brought me to where I am now.

I've gotten to a point where I cheer everyone on, whether I know them or not. The people we meet and the connections we make are the important things in life, not the stuff we collect or the money we accumulate. I want everyone to achieve and be happy and get what they want, too. The happier we are, the better our society is.

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Slight-Selection4298@reddit

Should clarify smoking of what. Daily smoker of thc over 30 years, morning to night. Nor did i ever, at any point get enough sleep. My skin doesn't show, as you would say. Often get told I look in my 20s, or asked if my daughter is my sister.

Did also smoke cigs for 7 years, age 12-19 also

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

Longtime cannabis fan myself also.

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Slight-Selection4298@reddit

I'm not up at 3am and need to be up at 5, you are!

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InadmissibleHug@reddit

Everyone has to rock on with the choice they make.

I didn’t start really looking my age until my 40s (thanks perimenopause) and I had my kid at 18.

Best fuck up I ever made. He still is a loving and kind family member who married an excellent lady and they have two kids I’m pretty fond of.

But that’s the best part, having a choice.

I’d rather look worse and still have that lot in my life.

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Due-Complaint-5719@reddit

It's impossible to have this level of peace if I had kids. I like this version of myself. I like my freedom, the lack of restrictions and the lack of expenses. I couldn't be happier. No hate towards people with kids but I have never understood why people want them.

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Back_Alley420@reddit

It was the best thing I ever did having my three kids! I didn’t want them til
Almost 29 but they gave me love and I got to show love like I never did before

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Finding_Way_@reddit

We have a pack of kids.

We love them, they sre good young adults, and we're very glad we have a large family. They are close to one another snd with us . No regrets They were fun and healthy little kids and no huge problems as they've aged

BUT it was exhausting raising them. We were THRILLED to be done dealing with the birthday parties, play dates, band concerts, sports practices, scouts, music lessons, etc

It was expensive...just general care and extras like orthodontists. Add to it college and helping them lauunch.

I TOTALLY get why some (including one on my siblings) choose not to have kids. Wouldn't chsnge our choice, but I get it

We're happy they are finding footing as adults. My spouse and I are best friends and like and love each other. We are not mourning as the grow and fly on. They kept us young, but also wore us down.

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CallingDrDingle@reddit

This is very accurate to how my husband and I feel.

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JournalistFew6829@reddit

57m healthy, fit and happy. Never married, no children and haven’t really lived with anyone. No regrets, it’s different to the main stream but I like it.

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Sour-Scribe@reddit

I’m early Gen X and look young for my age, but I believe that’s genetics, my father looked supernaturally young and had three children. But although we have good genes in that regard anxiety, depression and addiction run pretty heavily in my family as well so I decided not to father children, not that there have ever been women clamoring for my seed in significant numbers.

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builtbysavages@reddit (OP)

I’m glad I never blessed anyone with my ADHD.

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bruce-neon@reddit

Same, 50 and no one believes I’m over 35. No kids, no wife, plenty of booze and drugs.

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StingLikaBumblebee20@reddit

Not really sure I understand your question. Is it about parenting status? Looks? What?

Child free here and SO VERY happy with that choice. But also, chose to go grey naturally. No Botox, no peptides or whatever. Not enough sunscreen over the years. I look my age. And aside from those moments when I catch my reflection and think... Who the hell is that?!? I'm ok with being and looking mid-50s. But then, apparently my husband still finds me hot so that likely helps.

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Ihaveaboot@reddit

Op doesnt care. Up to you.

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IncommunicadoVan@reddit

I had one child. My daughter is 26 and still living home. She has some issues. Parenting is tough at times, but would I do it again? Yes, definitely. But financially and personally, having only one child was right for me.

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Silver_Breakfast7096@reddit

I have 4.

They’re all grown, functional adults and I’m still
Working so I don’t see them as often as I would
Like. I also have grandkids and I miss them living close by.

If i had a redo id have waited until i was older (had my first at 20), have them closer together and have chosen a better partner to have them with. I single parented and that wasnt fair to my 3 oldest or to myself.

I’d be financially better off if I didn’t have kids but no regrets. They’re amazing people and I’m glad to know them. Best thing I ever did actually.

.

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GeekyMom42@reddit

I don't look like I'm about to turn 50 either but we had a and raised a bunch of kids.

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askywlker44a@reddit

I could never afford children. I’m at peace with that, but sometimes I see Instagram reels or the like about kids growing up and I get wistful at never being able to experience that.

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bizzylearning@reddit

People often think I'm ten years or more younger than I am. (Early-to-mid 50s, and often hit with, "I thought you were maybe 40.") I think it's more about how we care for ourselves, engage in our lives, the health issues we face, and how we embrace life and all we encounter in it (in whatever form and combination that takes for us -- with or without children, we all face loss, disappointment, setbacks, health issues, worry about those we love, financial challenges, hard choices, etc. -- how do we respond to them, and do we let them shape us well or beat us down?)

I could describe my life in two ways, one of which would sound amazing and one of which would sound really, really hard. Both would be accurate, but which have been formative (and how), for me, makes the difference in how I carry them.

Five kids, and while yes, they've absolutely contributed to shaping who I am today, not having them would have been just as much a part of shaping who I would be today. Either way, I'd be here. I think whether "here" is good for me or not is up to me in either timeline.

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Ihaveaboot@reddit

I guess - WTF is your question?