What are some signs that someone has previously been in a controlling relationship?
Posted by grammaworld@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 11 comments
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psychopathic_shark@reddit
It was a relationship many years ago.
The guy I was with started out really confident but then would ask me if it was ok to go out with his friends and then apologise immediately after. "Sorry if you rather I didn't." Then he would tell me exactly where they were planning to go and who he was with. None of this was a concern to me at all he can go with his mates anywhere he wanted to. He would back up where he was going with truths and actually asked me if I wanted to locate track him on Google! I did not!
Unfortunately a year down the line we had our first disagreement. It was something small but I raised my hand guesturing from my head out expressing "what I am saying is..." And he immediately ducked. I put my hand down and gave him a massive hug. He had never told me and didn't need to tell me after that. He had clearly been not only in a controlling and cohesive relationship but a violent one also.
hiddenemi@reddit
Thank you for sharing that psychopathic shark
MagicalParade@reddit
Overcompensating for minor disagreements, upsets, or disappointments because grovelling for 2 hours is less painful than 24 hours of passive aggressive remarks and gaslighting.
shortandfelly@reddit
My first boyfriend was pretty jealous. Alas it took me at least 3 years too long of the 4 year relationship to dump his sorry arse, but at least we did.
We had each other's Facebook passwords. He was my first boyfriend, I was 18, he was 21, so I didn't know that was weird (side note: he changed his passwords but still had mine, who was cheating?).
Next boyfriend a year and a bit after we split ( I was 23). Nearly asked him if we were going to swap passwords...and then I had an epiphany and realised how fucking weird that was.
Sensitive-Seal-3779@reddit
Having to report in and vindicate what they have done and why and getting panicked about it when the person won't listen to something they insist on (because abusive).
Expecting to be gaslit over this and being unable to call the person out.
Hunter_Hendrix@reddit
Suffering 'the little things ' because you are legitimately scared of confrontation. Making yourself smaller. Editing yourself, always. Letting them control you is the hardest one for me. X
girlsunderpressure@reddit
Hiding things that are totally innocuous to a normal person but would upset a controlling person (e.g. not showing off new clothes to avoid "who are you wearing them for???" comments). Conversely, being overly transparent and apologetic about things that you don't need to be -- explaining what you were doing every second of the day; saying sorry for something that isn't anything to do with you; over explaining.
Quiet_surprise79@reddit
Finding it difficult to bring up even small issues because you're fully expecting the other person to immediately go on the defensive instead of have a healthy discussion.
eraserway@reddit
Constantly apologising for everything. Putting themselves down in subtle ways (like starting a sentence with "this is probably really stupid but.."). Being on edge and jumpy. Always looking for reassurance and having absolutely no confidence in any decision or opinion.
Timely_Egg_6827@reddit
You audit your conversation esp feelings - facts can be got from someone else so sharing those can't really be avoided. Feelings though are personal and sharing them is risky as they show vulnerabilities. Lying by omission esp if you can make the truth fit their preconceptions is safer than lying outright.
Constantly checking in with a person so you can work out direction of travel. Working late so as to decompress in a safe but permitted space.
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