That’s incredible to hear. Your story feels familiar. At the time of gaining my CPL I had 263 hours and 4 fails. That was actually considered normal and acceptable here. Nothing flash but not bad or career ending.

I then went down the instructor route and it was the worst decision I ever made. The course was taught more like a military training course. It was considered a good day if you had only been yelled at and nothing else happened to you. You’d hope you weren’t pick to present something otherwise you were basically opening yourself up to be ripped apart in front of the entire class.

Flying was the worst part of it. You were basically going 1 on 1 with the instructor in a yelling contest. Except you weren’t going to say anything back. You’d get yelled at if you were 10 ft off your reference altitude or slightly off your reference point. I get it’s important to fly accurately but when you are fresh in the right seat and not allowed to view your instruments every few second to confirm performance flying only off attitude is hard. I’m not sure if anyone else agrees with that last part but it was something I definitely struggled with. You weren’t able to ask questions as they wanted you to talk to your classmates and form a team bond. If you asked you’d get ripped apart or they’d make you figure it out. So I never asked again. Waking up each morning to attend class and the flight made me want to vomit in the morning. I haven’t felt like that since I was kid. People did pass this course but a lot of them said it should never be taught like this. Getting a debrief was always the worst part because it was never done privately it was done outside in the open so the entire school could hear you being ripped into. Ultimately I was way to stressed and anxious, I wanted to quit the second day in the course but figured if I just man up and deal with it I’d get used to it. That never happened. I got authorised to go and fly in 46kt gusting 57kt conditions it was 26kt gusting 37 knots when I took off. That was the most dangerous thing I’ve ever done. It wasn’t just me either there were other students in the class up there as well. One had a taxiway incident where the propeller hit the pavement after his aircraft tipped over in the strong winds. It was more comfortable being away from the class.

Ultimately I switched schools but I think the mental damage was done I became hyper aware of my mistakes and it felt horrific to make one. It felt like I was getting judgement everywhere. I felt like i was losing my identity as a pilot I had more trouble compared to the other pilots despite being now in a much more relaxed environment. There was no cool down period when I switched schools. I went straight into another instructor course without a break that’s another mistake I made. I did notice the days I was relaxed I performed better but randomly I would under perform. I’m guessing it was due to stress. I had a CPL and I could no longer maintain the standards of a CPL holder. Despite flying through most of this period. It felt really embarrassing. Eventually I came to the flight test and failed the first and second attempt on minor issues that’s what other instructors have said about my failure. The 3rd attempt was my first real attempt. At that point I was done with being an instructor I felt who would hire a 3x failing instructor if I passed on the 4th. I also just wanted to protect myself mentally. I wasn’t suicidal but I just wanted calmness again. So I stopped flying and worked and saved money, recently renewed my instrument and commercial license. Now I’ve been looking for jobs. For those wondering I’m not based in the USA, about a 10 hour flight away.