Do people genuinely lie on the regular? If so, why?
Posted by Pleasant_Reward3558@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 72 comments
As a generally really honest person, who is pretty direct in approach, I find it really surprising when I find out someone has lied. Particularly when there is no real gain to it. I don’t mean a little white lie to protect someone’s feelings, but just like the real casual type of lie that makes you wonder what is genuinely about a person. Just curious if anyone in here does this! Or knows someone like this!
OneNormalBloke@reddit
Anyone who says that say they don't lie are obviously laying.
Pleasant_Reward3558@reddit (OP)
Some people are just such casual liars though. Do you do this? Do you do it because you think everyone else does too?
bright_sorbet1@reddit
I would say most people are casual liars to some degree:
The soup tastes good, i like your top, I worked hard all day today and definitely didnt sack off, i can drink five pints without getting a hangover...
It's actually a big part of social cohesion and shared fictions build relationships.
But obviously there is then harmful lying which I can be pretty unhinged. And they destroy relationships but i think it often comes from a place of low self-esteem if not for deception purposes.
Pedantichrist@reddit
None of those are things I would say unless I meant them.
Why say something untrue? Why not either tell the truth or keep quiet? Nobody gains from you telling me you will not get a hangover, or that you liked my top. Tell me you will get a hangover and just do not talk about my clothes if you do not like them.
bright_sorbet1@reddit
Are you autistic by any chance?
White lies are a fairly standard social interaction to spare someone's feelings.
It's a large part of social cohesion.
Pedantichrist@reddit
I am not. I think that liars think others all lie, but these comments show that a lot of us do not, and if folk do lie we stop trusting them. Forever.
I have a fairly rich social life, and work in a very community based setting, And I have never found that anyone liked me more because they discovered that I deliberately misled them.
bright_sorbet1@reddit
And if someone asks you how the soup is after they spent ages making it for you?...
I would be more inclined to say you're sat typing lies into your keyboard right here...
I guarantee you lie. And it feels much less honest to claim you never tell white lies than the people here acknowledging they sometimes do and it's a normal aspect of social cohesion.
Pedantichrist@reddit
It saddens me that you lie so naturally that you cannot believe others do not.
I say ‘mmm! Thanks’.
bright_sorbet1@reddit
Saying "mmm" in a positive way when you actaully don't like the soup is literally a white lie.
It's hilarious you're here lying about not lying. 😅
That legitimately makes you worse than all the people acknowledging that they use white lies.
Pedantichrist@reddit
Your inference is not my implication.
My mmm means ‘yes’ and acknowledges the question.
I am not lying. It would be incredibly poor form to lie.
bright_sorbet1@reddit
Lol...so they'd asked you if you liked the soup. You don't.
You say mmm which according to you means yes.
...so that's a lie isn't it?
You're just proving your the least trustworthy person in this thread 😅. You even lie about lying.
Pedantichrist@reddit
No, they asked me how the soup is. If they had asked me if I liked the soup then I would have answered differently.
bright_sorbet1@reddit
Okay, so what does mmm mean in response to how is the soup?
Because:
Them "how is the soup?" You "Yes"
Doesn't make any sense, is a rude response, and would be blindingly obvious that you don't like it.
Pedantichrist@reddit
It is a noise humans make when asked questions, which means ‘yes, I have heard your question and am formulating a response’. You will have heard it and made it, and even if you do not recognise that meaning in text, you would if you heard it.
Either way, it is immaterial. The point being made is that lying is wrong.
bright_sorbet1@reddit
So either way, you'd rather be rude and cold rather than just tell them the soup they spent ages making for you is nice?
That checks out.
Thrasy3@reddit
That’s just bizarre to me, if I like someone’s top I just say it. If don’t have an opinion I don’t say anything. Hell even I really don’t like something, and asked, I’ll at least just word the truth in an obviously diplomatic way so I can express my opinion while also making it clear I don’t wish to hurt any feelings.
As a last resort I’ll just change the subject to something that sounds related but isn’t really.
Just…lying, feels like the squeezey cheese of solutions to social conflict.
bright_sorbet1@reddit
But lying can make people feel good about themselves. If your friend is wearing a horrible top and asks you and you say, yeah it's horrible, then she has to walk around for the day conscious of her horrible top.
If you lie and say, no it's unique, fun, it suits you blah blah...then you made your friend feel better about themselves for the day.
Thrasy3@reddit
“You’ll be fine, don’t worry about it” is the kind of line I would probably use if the fretting about their top being ugly or whatever will be an immediate issue.
Because the truth is they very likely will be fine and there really isn’t anything worth worrying about.
bright_sorbet1@reddit
I think you might be a man based on this.
I think women grow up in much more socially supportive roles so we are more likely to move to social kindness and warmth. We also tend to be more emotionally intelligent (even if it's trained rather than natural).
It is quite a classic man answer to say, "you'll be fine, dont worry about it." Whereas a woman would probably try to be more supoortive and positive in this situation.
Pedantichrist@reddit
There is nothing supportive about sending your friends into a situation not knowing about her top, because she knows she cannot trust you to be honest about it.
That is a bad friend.
bright_sorbet1@reddit
That's not what I said is it.
If your friend can't easily change her top in the moment as per my example - she's about to go on stage at a conference - then a confidence-building white lie is absolutely the best option.
There are many occasions where it is not the best option to be brutally honest.
Thrasy3@reddit
Yeah, I’m reminding her she can do the thing because she’s good at doing the thing. Reality is where real confidence comes from.
I’m not going to help her buy into the nonsense that her top, her hair, her make up, whatever - magically assists or detracts from her actual real, demonstrable ability she’s genuinely worked hard for.
Long term, the best thing for both if us is that she grows up, understands she’s not a 14 year old school girl being bullied on Facebook by the popular girls or whatever causes these weird insecurities, and accept she is competent and respected regardless.
Like it must be a sad/weird life to constantly question things you are good at because your top might be ugly or something?
And it’s irritating to me expecting to be involved in the delusion, like helping a toddler be brave by telling them their teddy bear or blanket will protect them somehow.
Pedantichrist@reddit
I know you are joining here, but somme people genuinely lie so much as a general part of their life that they truly believe everyone else lies too.
Drath101@reddit
To be fair when I worked customer service I used to lie to customers constantly, because it's very often easier than the truth, especially when they're already irate.
Thrasy3@reddit
I’ve got to be honest (hur hur), this is kinda frustrating, as I used to have a kinda public facing role in local government and used to have people never believe me when I was actually sorting an issue out etc. because they are just so used to be lied to.
Drath101@reddit
It wasn't really those sort of lies I.E "oh I'll totally get that fixed for you". It's more that customers will demand explanations for things that were about ten pay grades above my level as a supermarket team leader. Saying "mate I haven't got a clue" was alot harder than just lying
Thrasy3@reddit
I get you.
I would literally just say “if I personally understood what the higher ups were thinking when they decided X , I’d probably have a better job”.
Of course it’s job dependant and you need to be careful not to get in trouble, but I had no problem getting across that I’m just the guy they get to do the paperwork, and even I don’t even get a say about about the paperwork.
rocketscientology@reddit
When I worked in retail I used to lie to customers just to liven up my day a bit, lol.
Pleasant_Reward3558@reddit (OP)
No I can relate to this actually. Sometimes it’s a requirement to protect your own peace.
ADHDJ86@reddit
I constantly lie in work, like "ack no you're not stupid because you cant open an sns message" or "no its quite common for people to not know the difference between a phone socket and your router"
Pedantichrist@reddit
If you say that a lot then it is clearly true.
No-Salt6819@reddit
As a teacher, I have to appear more confident than I am, you can't let the kids know you are unsure about something, so I am (I think) quite good at lying. Usually it's just me appearing to be confident about something which I'm not 100% on, for example I might say something like "yeah it's going to rain tomorrow" when I haven't checked. The confidence I have to exude in my job creeps into my personal life.
Pedantichrist@reddit
Holy shit, a teacher who cannot say ‘I do not know that, let me find out (or ‘there is something for you to find out’) is doing their pupils a grave disservice.
secretlondon@reddit
But then we know that your opinion on the weather isn’t worth anything
sloth_ers@reddit
You absolutely can let them know youre not sure about something and agree to follow it up with them once youre informed.
It shows them its ok to admit that you dont know something and that youre willing to improve yourself by learning.
Theyll know youre bullshitting, that sends a shitty message. I know what I think about people that I work with that blag things rather than admitting they dont know something...
TSC-99@reddit
I’m autistic. I tend to not lie. But at work, there are so many bullshitters it’s unreal. I’d rather be honest.
Pleasant_Reward3558@reddit (OP)
I often wonder if I have traits of autism tbh. I feel I can spot a lie easily and I personally get very anxious if I have to lie, and also absolutely hate the brown nosing to get anywhere in a corporate environment SO jarring I can’t do it!
Pedantichrist@reddit
You can spot the lies you spot easily.
WelshBen@reddit
It's social lubricant. It can be used for a lot of reasons, like protecting feelings, avoiding conflict, to look a bit 'cooler' etc the list goes on.
Pedantichrist@reddit
By liars b
trippykitsy@reddit
lying is fuelled by some kind of emotion. from exhaustion to fear to boredom. there are constant reasons youd want to protect yourself by lying. if you never lie then you do not interact with people at all.
Proud_Ad_8915@reddit
My ex was a compulsive liar, every time he opened his mouth a lie came out. Often came back from whatever he was doing by himself, telling a ridiculous story that was supposed to happen but only happened when he went out on his own and never with me.
TheDogsMum@reddit
I was married to a compulsive liar, the mad shit he’d lie about was insane to me, a lot of it was so pointless. A lot of it was to cover up cheating. Don’t trust anybody who lies like that.
MiskonceptioN@reddit
I used to share a flat with a guy like this - it was bonkers! I got a 3DS (shows you how long ago this was) and it was delivered when his girlfriend was over. He told her that he bought it for her and I was just setting it up... Dafuq?
Poor Lili never did end up getting a 3DS.
MathematicianSea563@reddit
Growing up, my father had a ferocious temper, and my mother was very low in mood.
It was easier to lie than watch them fly off the handle.
Must admit, I actually am a terrible liar as an adult, and I hate lying. I make an exception for my Grandad- he has dementia, and has forgotten my grandmother has died, so we pretend she’s in a nursing home.
aspannerdarkly@reddit
I find it hard to sleep any other way tbh
Pleasant_Reward3558@reddit (OP)
Boom boom
CiderChugger@reddit
If you're lucky
CiderChugger@reddit
If you're lucky
imtiramisu2025@reddit
I lie a lot about my feelings
Must-obey@reddit
You can lie about your thoughts you can’t lie about your feelings. They just are
imtiramisu2025@reddit
I can say I FEEL sad when I actually feel happy. So i can lie about my feelings
Must-obey@reddit
That’s lying about what you say you feel, not about the feeling itself. If you feel happy and say “I feel sad”, the lie is in the reporting of it, the the actual feeling is still happy
Bloatville@reddit
Good grief. Have a day off mate.
SYSTEM-J@reddit
That's like saying you can't lie about facts, just the reporting of them. Your comment is entirely redundant.
Must-obey@reddit
I get that a lie is always in the reporting. My point is that feelings themselves aren’t chosen or falsified in the same way thoughts/opinions can be performed. You can misrepresent a feeling, but the actual internal experience just exists.
Pleasant_Reward3558@reddit (OP)
This is a shame but honestly, totally get it. Some of my lowest days I’ve got up and on with things like I’m totally fine, tell everyone I’m totally fine, and handle it in my own way!
NaaNaaRitRit@reddit
I never lie.
SYSTEM-J@reddit
Everyone lies. Everyone. They do it a lot more than they realise. And the number one person people lie to is themselves. People lie to themselves all the time. They humour themselves, delude themselves, protect themselves from the harsh truths of reality with soothing little lies.
Once you realise this basic immutable fact of human psychology, the fact people lie so easily to others starts to make a lot more sense.
ACharredCell@reddit
I lie due to shame/embarrassment a fair bit. Or, not outright lies, but omitting/distorting things I don't want to admit to. I frequently regret it afterwards and feel like a terrible person.
Doesn't make it ok but does it perhaps make it a little more understandable?
Also sometimes to try and avoid seeming rude or causing offence (e.g. when lying to avoid attending social events). But maybe that falls under the category of "little white lie to protect someone's feelings."
And I suspect many (most?) of us lie when people ask "how are you"...
Pleasant_Reward3558@reddit (OP)
I feel like leaving out a bit of truth if it doesn’t harm anyone is fair, which I reckon is that you’re describing tbh! Not that I’m shaming liars in this post, it’s genuine curiosity!
miss-mercatale@reddit
I find it hard to lie. And am amazed when I sit in meetings and people are blatantly lying about things thinking nobody will suss them. I suppose I was brought up to think the best in people and am disappointed when people don’t behave as you expect.
Must-obey@reddit
Try not to be amazed by the blatantly obvious or disappointed when people don’t ‘behave’ how you expect. You’ll be happier for it
Must-obey@reddit
Sometimes it’s just fun to make stuff up. A bit of embellishment in a drunken story, an exaggeration for comical effect, a bit of bunburying as Wilde may put it. Would be a very dull world if lie’s weren’t told ‘on the regular’ as you put it. Just don’t lie about the important stuff (we can leave that to politicians and religious leaders)
pronoobmage@reddit
As a foreigner, I can tell you it’s a cultural thing in the UK.
Indirect communication is deeply ingrained in British people; that’s the foundation.
White lies, sweet lies, or whatever you call them are just built on top of that.
(For someone from mainland Europe, it’s a very strange thing.)
GeggingIn@reddit
Think sometimes people tell tales because they don’t have much confidence and any validation (even if it is based on bollocks) makes them feel better.
Legitimate-Leg-4720@reddit
Hard to know what kind of lies you're talking about. But for instance, many men will lie about their height on dating apps because they may never get any matches otherwise, and they believe their personality can make up for it when finally meeting in person
GuybrushFunkwood@reddit
Only little white lies like “yeh this lasagne is really nice” or “of course you don’t snore” and “I have no idea why there’s £4700 on our credit card for ‘specialist massage services” ….. just stuff like that …
Pleasant_Reward3558@reddit (OP)
👀🤣
Mr_Bumcrest@reddit
No. Never.
clfhw@reddit
I will only lie if there is a tangible benefit to me, and won't hinder anybody else.
I don't personally have any qualms about it under those conditions, as I feel we all deserve to act within our own best interests (within reason of course, as per above).
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