Why do y’all talk at each other?

Posted by toottootmcgroot@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 27 comments

I’ve noticed that whenever Im in a conversation with an American or overhear Americans, they talk about themselves but don’t ask about the other person much. I hear a bunch of back and forth of talking about themselves.

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AskAnAmerican-ModTeam@reddit

Thank you for your submission, but it was removed as it violates posting guideline "Questions must be asked in good faith."

It means that your post includes trolling, joke questions, agenda pushing, soapboxing, or other signs of a bad faith.

If you have questions regarding your submission removal - please contact the moderator team via modmail.

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Spirited_Gap2347@reddit

Why do Europeans constantly generalize all Americans?

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Woodinvillian@reddit

Stereotype much?

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RhoAlphaPhii@reddit

This is a real conversational style difference. Americans often volunteer personal details or opinions as a way of keeping the conversation open, and then leave it to the other person to jump in with their own related experience if they want to. Direct personal questions can feel intrusive or like putting someone on the spot, especially with strangers or casual acquaintances. So instead of asking, “What about you?” after every point, a lot of Americans expect the other person to take the opening and share if they want to.

I think some Europeans interpret that as Americans just talking about themselves, while some Americans interpret more direct questioning as too pointed or personal. Neither is necessarily rude; it is just a different expectation about how conversation should flow.

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Significant-Track797@reddit

Why can no one from other countries ask a question in good faith?

See what I did there? I took a small sample size (random Reddit posters) and made a massive sweeping generalization, and then inferred it by asking a bad faith question.

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jade420420@reddit

tbf reddit is like the mecca of bad faith arguments

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PrimaryHighlight5617@reddit

Because asking a simple question takes less words than answering a question.

"How was your vacation?"

"Oh it was marvelous we did all of these different things and ate all of these different restaurants and let me show you the photos and let me tell you about the culture and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.... Anyway how is Julie doing isn't she pregnant?"

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foxsable@reddit

I am not sure, and this does not pertain to everyone. But I think a lot of it is to avoid conflict and also touchy subjects. It is often discussed to use “I statements” to avoid offending others. In general Americans are polite, and even innocent questions can sound offensive to strangers.

But if a person shares something, then you can ask follow-up questions. Like if someone says “I am a travel agent” you can ask about their work. So if I share some topic by “talking about myself” that Indicates that I am willing to talk about that thing.

Finally, we like to share related experiences. So if you tell me that you went on a cool camping trip. I can share stories about my hike.

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jade420420@reddit

whenever i think of people from your country i think of people who make sweeping generalizations. see how stupid that sounds?

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Designer_Professor_4@reddit

Stop judging an entire country by the drunk people you meet at waffle house at 2am.

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Aggressive-Emu5358@reddit

I think you just frequent some selfish groups. My experience has been that people ask too much about my life that I start to feel like I’m in therapy.

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ScatterTheReeds@reddit

Not my experience

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MortimerDongle@reddit

It sounds like the Americans you know kinda suck

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Gold_Telephone_7192@reddit

That’s not an American thing. Good conversationalists and bad conversationalists exist in every culture. We may just have a different style of communication than you’re used to that either makes you think we’re talking about ourselves when we’re actually having a conversation or draws more attention to the people who do talk about themselves because it’s not the way you’re used to hearing people talk about themselves. But I can promise you there are people all over the world that only talk about themselves.

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GarnetSardonyx@reddit

This

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Blutrumpeter@reddit

I think it's just the flow of conversation. Most conversations are asking the other person about their lives. I may call and ask how the other person is doing. They talk for 2 minutes and then ask how I'm doing. Then I may tell a story. It goes back and forth and we both get to know each other. You may not notice how much they are actually asking about the other person

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LankyJeep@reddit

I need the “that’s bait” gif for this question

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bachintheforest@reddit

I think maybe what you’re seeing is someone saying something about who they are or experience(s) they’ve had, and the other people says something relevant about their life as a way of relating to the other person.

“My coworker said x stupid thing yesterday” “Oh yeah there’s this guy at my work who even did y stupid thing”

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FivebyFive@reddit

It's actually seen as rude here tondo what you're describing.

So I don't know why you have that impression.

In fact, we are often chastised for being too nosy.

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