Is there anyway to find my adoptive parents after 20 years?
Posted by SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 76 comments
[removed]
Posted by SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 76 comments
[removed]
Baron_Cat_Lady@reddit
If you feel comfortable sharing their details DM me and I will search for you. Just wanted to say I'm sorry you had such a rough go of it. It's up to you what you do with any information but I'd genuinely recommend finding a good counsellor who specialises in adoption trauma before you make any contact so you have professional and specialised support for dealing with whatever may come.
WiganGirl-2523@reddit
Try fb groups in the Forth area too.
Has the adoptive grandmother died? Had they siblings? Any other relatives you know of?
What were their jobs? Will they have reached retirement age?
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
The adoptive grandparents and great aunty and uncles all died a number of years ago. They'd be about 63 and 67 now I think. The adoptive mother was 32 in 1995 and the adoptive father was 36 (i think). They were both teachers. The mother was the managers for the city learning centre in Rainhill near Winwick when I joined the army in 06
Ruu2D2@reddit
Have you looked name up on teaching register?
Have you requested will?
WiganGirl-2523@reddit
So she might still be working? I doubt that someone in a public facing job would be impossible to find. I'd be looking at the Forth area - Google, Facebook.
velqorinaFodders22@reddit
For me it sound like horrible people, you seem to have made a good life without them so I wouldn't bother trying to find them.
Ruu2D2@reddit
Social media and ancestry is the best source I found
Find maybe location by census record, new name via marriage etc on ancestry
Then name search them on social media and join local group
If you not on social media . Maybe partner or your kids if they over 18 can do that side
romcomzombie@reddit
The Missing People Charity might be able to help. They have contact tracing service which seems like it might be for people in your situation. Link here.
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
Legend thanks a million 🌟
ac0rn5@reddit
The Salvation Army will probably help.
They have a 'Family Tracing' service.
https://www.salvationarmy.org.uk/family-tracing
fionsichord@reddit
You can find them, but it doesn’t sound like it will be a positive experience if you do. They certainly don’t give signs of wanting to see you, quite the opposite in fact.
Think deeply about what you want to achieve by making contact and whether it will strengthen or deplete you. I hope you have a psych or counsellor to talk this over with.
NeonStadra7@reddit
Using fb account, you can search them on social media or making a video to post it in any social media
piratemeow21@reddit
I'm not sure what the laws are there where you are but in the US you can hire a private investigator and they can track down your family/information about them that will help you find them. Best of luck
bee_889@reddit
I know you’ve been downvoted heavily, but as a social worker, we also recommend this to families in the UK (for other reasons) so it’s not unheard of
piratemeow21@reddit
No idea why that comment has so many down votes. Thanks for backing me up
bee_889@reddit
You can try and hire a private investigator to find your adoptive parents. As a social worker, I’ve had to recommend this to adopters when trying to track down their ex-partners for reference and assessment purposes.
Iammildlyoffended@reddit
I’m so sorry op. I grew up in Lowton left in 2007, unlikely I’ll know your nan but why not try join some of the Lowton fb groups for a trail?
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I actually lived in Ranworth Drive next to St Lukes Primary School.
Iammildlyoffended@reddit
Mental - such a small world, I lived off Slag Lane. Did you go to Lowton or Golborne High?
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I actually went to the school my adoptive mother worked at. My siblings went to St Edmund Arrowsmith
Iammildlyoffended@reddit
In Ashton? Ah sorry I didn’t go there, was trying to work out if I knew you from HS I’d be two years above you.
This is a really shitty situation for you to be in, but local fb groups are great at tracing connections and knowing people from way back when. You should know where your siblings are, it’s bloody cruel that you don’t. Assuming your sibs are younger than you, I don’t suppose you’ve checked children’s homes and the schools they went to to try and get some info from there?
Schools in particular generally pass on academic history to a child’s new school so could be something there for you to work on.
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I think it was in Ashton yeah. Not sure cos I never went there myself. I'm in contact with my siblings. Its my adoptive parents I want to get a hold of. My sister was dropped of to some women's refuge in Skelmersdale and my 2 younger brothers ended up living a with my adoptive nan for a couple of years. The parents did a proper runner and must have told her family not to tell us where they went because even the adoptive cousin that I managed to find on LinkedIn said they'd lost contact years ago which I find very hard to believe.
Iammildlyoffended@reddit
Ah sorry I miss read. VERY glad that you know the whereabouts of your siblings.
That is disgusting, disturbing behaviour - I’m so shocked. How angry and betrayed you all must feel.
I really want you to get some closure, but after an experience of trying that myself with my father who left when I was a kid apart from finding out he was still a knobhead I didn’t get much else.
Anyway I’ve put your question in chat gpt and this is what it suggested;
Yes — even after many years, he can still contact the police on the non-emergency line if he genuinely has no idea whether his parents are safe or alive, especially if they disappeared abruptly in 2006 without explanation.
In the UK, the best route would usually be:
call 101
explain that:
the adults voluntarily disappeared years ago
family lost contact entirely
he is now trying to establish welfare/status/contact
there may never have been a formal missing persons report
Police may:
check whether the people are known to be alive
attempt a welfare/contact check
pass on a message asking whether they want contact
confirm only limited information because of privacy laws
However, because they are adults, police generally cannot disclose their address or whereabouts if the parents choose not to reconnect.
There are also non-police approaches that are often more effective for old family disappearances:
electoral roll searches
death records
ancestry/genealogy sites
probate/will records
social media and LinkedIn
professional “people tracing” services
asking the charity Missing People for advice, even if the case is old
He can also request:
birth/marriage/death certificate searches through GOV.UK General Register Office
probate searches through Find a Will service
If there was any indication of:
abuse
coercive control
financial fraud
cult involvement
mental illness
suicide risk
then police involvement becomes more relevant even after many years.
If he mainly wants closure rather than a criminal investigation, a tracing service or genealogical researcher is often the most practical route alongside a 101 enquiry.
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I never even thought of involving the police. I suppose that would only work if they are still in the UK?
Iammildlyoffended@reddit
No, not at all. At the risk of TMI the police had to locate someone for me, the person was located in the UK as it happens but if they weren’t they still work with other countries forces, it will take longer but can be done.
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I will have to try that I think. Need to find how to do that from Ireland because I dont think ringing that number from here will do much. Dont know how to word what Im after to the police though. Yeah hi..erm mad one I know. I haven't been in touch with my adoptive parents for 20 years but could ya do a search and check if theyre still alive for me haha
Iammildlyoffended@reddit
lol, sounds a good start to me. How about “Hi, my parents have been missing since 2006 and I would like to file a missing person’s report”
As to phoning them. You could either try the UK or as you’re in Ireland call their non emergency line, they’ll know whether they can launch it or if you need to be transferred.
All the very best of luck to you friend.
DenM0ther@reddit
Great suggestion!!!
@ op: Im not sure I’d mention the letter you saw from ur Nan, only coz that makes it sound intentional. Although you could say , they may have moved to XXX.
Good luckily, great ideas from Iammildlyoffended
Alt_AC_2023@reddit
Googling "John Smith Companies House" sometimes helps (if they've ever lived in a flat, or run a business).
You could investigate the schools in the are you suspect they moved to - generally via facebook or linkedin though.
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I never thought to look if they owned a business or not
fugelwoman@reddit
I’m sorry you have had to go through this. Are you still in touch with your siblings?
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
Yeah i am. We all lead VERY different lives though.
anabsentfriend@reddit
Have you signed up on any DNA sites, such as Ancestry?
You may well find some other family members that will help in your search.
I've recently connected with a half niece. Her dad was adopted and she had no knowledge about her parental side.
He is my half-sibling. I grew up as an only child so this is a revelation. Unfortunately no-one's heard from him in a long time, but I'm getting to know the half-niece and she's a lovely person.
We don't know if my (dead) dad ever knew that he had another child.
Boring-Credit-3977@reddit
Did you ask your adoptive grandma about it at all? Like when you saw the letter?
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I didn't want to ask her in case she had been told not to say anything I didn't want to put her in that position ya know?
stuaird1977@reddit
As an adoptive parent (1 son) about a mile away from Lowton I hope you find them and reconnection goes well. Sorry I can't help moreÂ
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
Thank you ❤️
Winston_Carbuncle@reddit
A detailed web search of their names and known locations, clubs, hobbies etc would be where I'd start.
Let's say it's Jane and John Smith.
"Jane smith" and "Lancashire" and "outdoor bowls"
Something like that into a search engine. You and have as many or as few different key words or phrases as you like, within reason. I recommend duckduckgo over google for this kind of search.
You can make the search more advanced but this is a good starting point. Boolean searching is what it's called. If you look that up youll see just how deep you can take it.
THParryWilliams@reddit
Yes and stuff like ”John and Jane Smith” can be good for contexts they might appear together
No_Currency6911@reddit
I am so sorry. I had a rough start to life but was adopted by an amazing family at 9 months. I’m so sad to read your story. Every child deserves a parent, I’m sending you lots of luck, hope and empathy 💖💖
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
Thank you so much. I was able to find my birth parents easy enough but as you can imagine, knowing what they did to us, I couldn't really give them a chance. So basically my whole adult life has gone without parents.
No_Currency6911@reddit
In my honest opinion, I don’t think they deserve you , both your birth and adopted parents. I understand the feeling of needing them but honestly is it worth it?! I stopped talking to my birth family a few years ago, since then my birth father died and I still didnt reach out to my birth family to send condolences. I had to weigh it all out and think was it worth contacting them. They don’t deserve me and I owe them nothing. I wonder if maybe that would be best for you? But then again I do have my adopted family so it is different situation to you. I just hope whatever outcome is you find peace and happiness 💖💔
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I think now that Ive grown up, had my army career, moved countries, married, bought a house, had kids and generally had a good life even without parents to share all that with I wanted to show them the man I've become. Like they must have had some good intentions by adopting 4 of us but maybe the reality of it hit after a while and they werent able to deal with 4 kids hitting the teenage years at the same time. I dunno, I still have the feelings of "what if things were different". What would life be like if we had a good relationship. I just want answers. Perhaps selfishly.
No_Currency6911@reddit
You for sure deserve answers, absolutely!!!! It always interests me how every adoption story is so different. I’m so glad to hear you have had a good life, I bet having your own kids made you even more curious. I was left in hospital as a newborn, I had 2 older birth brothers and a younger sister, all with same mother and father and I was the only one that was adopted. The reason my relationship with my birth family didn’t work is because they never understood why I suffered, all my siblings have huge resentment towards me as I had a better family:. They never understood or had empathy for the fact that leaving me in hospital messed my life up, I had night terrors so bad I was tested for epilepsy, I was blind until I was 6 months old. I have an amazing adoptive family but that doesn’t mean I didn’t struggle my whole bloody life.. sorry for rambling I think I’m just trying to get across the point thst I do understand all your feelings. If you do find your adopted parents I really hope it heal you and also make you realise how amazing you have done without them..’you are obviously an amazing and strong human and your story has really tugged at my heart 💙
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
Omg! Im actually appalled. How does a mother who spent 9 months growing a baby just leave them at the hospital. Thats actually disgusting.
No_Currency6911@reddit
I know ! My daughter is 20 now but I will never forget when I gave birth to her, I can remember just looking at her crying thinking how on earth did they just leave me! Eastenders actually a few months ago had a flash back episode of Zoe slater leaving her newborns in hospital,. It was really triggering because I had never seen on tv such a similar situation to me. My birth brothers were 12 and 14 when I was born so I do feel for them I can’t imagine how damaging it was for them. And then 3 years after me they had a daughter and gave her the same name as me !!!!!! I feel for her to as unfortunately she knows she was a replacement child, they all kept me a secret until she found a photo of me when she was 10. At the end of the day even tho my relationships with my birth siblings didn’t work out, they are innocent in this. Think it comes down to my birth parents just being incredibly selfish and not giving a shit how much their actions affected all their children! I am better off with out them lol
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
Thats fucking rough. Excuse the language. Like I know I had a rough time but holy hell. It actually makes me so angry when I think about what people can do to kids and think nothing of it
No_Currency6911@reddit
I think because it’s all we’ve ever known, we can’t imagine it being different if that makes sense?! Whenever I tell my adoption story people really empathise with me, as you have just done but that’s just me, it shaped my life from a new born but it will never be any different. Do you have a good relationship with your siblings?
BigGuyRevel@reddit
Wow, I don't really know how to help you but I also grew up in Lowton. Can I ask what primary or high school you went to?
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I didnt go to school in Lowton. I went to St Ambrose Barlow when it was in Swinton. I lived on Ranworth Drive and left 2006 when I joined the army at 18
BigGuyRevel@reddit
Ah fair enough, only a short way down the lancs from me.
Best of luck to you in your endeavours
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
What year did ya finish school? I turned 18 in 2006. Had a few mates in Lowton/Golbourne
BigGuyRevel@reddit
Finished Golborne High in 2005. Sounds like you're a Year ahead of me
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
Yeah i finished in 2004. Went to John Rigby after that
BigGuyRevel@reddit
No way, snap, so did I! 2005-07. We probably crossed paths at some point. Small world!
DECKTHEBALLZ@reddit
They sound like horrible people, you seem to have made a good life without them so I wouldn't bother trying to find them.
smellyfeet25@reddit
Yes i think adopted children can find out about the details of their birth parents. it is then social media or ancestry websites that may help. If you can see a family tree you might be able to see cousins you can contact . phone books can be useful or electorol registers. 192 is a helpful website
Proper_North_5382@reddit
OP is looking for rreir adoptive family.
Apart from a DNA test all of yours may still help.
smellyfeet25@reddit
OH I see. i should have read it properly
Spiritual_Smell4744@reddit
Have you started by contacting social services in the area you lived at the time?
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
We didnt have any dealings with social services by the time we moved to the last house so not sure how they would be able to help
Spiritual_Smell4744@reddit
My colleague was also looking for his adoptive parents. I know a social worker who told me they have everything on record and he is entitled to see the full record. He obtained his records and found several brothers he didn't know he had. Try social services first.
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I have my file already from Greenwich (I was born in London, fostered in Kent and then adopted around Manchester). The file didn't have any contact details of my adootive parents and didnt tell me any more than I already remembered about them.
SylvieOF@reddit
I found mine by going on a group on FB and one of the ladies there looked at all the details and found my family in 48 hours lol
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
Whats the name of the group?
Millefeuille-coil@reddit
There’s a group on facebook called
Friends Reunited (UK) - not old website
It’s pretty good at finding people the name is the whole line above.
Mglfll@reddit
Long lost friends or similar pages on fbook. My mum used this one a few times to find friends from her childhood. Might help
Thebudweiserstuntman@reddit
Forth is a really really small village. Not sure if that helps any but thought I would mention as I’ve been through it a few times!
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
I still remember the address on the envelope that was addressed to them. But when I Google search the house it doesn't look like something they would have lived.
Trippy_V@reddit
If you have their names and DOB you can try putting them into Google and seeing what comes up. Or name and location. You'd be surprised how easy it is to track people down if they're on any kind of social media. Otherwise there's plenty of groups around that can track people down fairly easily. Try FB or if you want something more official a private detective would likely be able to track them down but certainly more pricey.
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
Ive done that. They seem to have little if not none online footprints
usernames_required@reddit
you say you stopped using any social media but just in case you remember your old passwords, try to reaccess them just to see if you’ve archived anything pertinent to your search. if you can also remember your adoptive parents’ names; DOB; and addresses then look it up on a search engine. chances are if they move around a lot or are using the internet, their information will pop up. people’s info are regularly sold so you can even find old phone numbers listed on websites. also helpful is looking for family friends and neighbours. maybe your old neighbours still live around the area they used to live & know something about them.
notspringsomnia@reddit
The Ancestry DNA websites like Ancestry, Find My Past etc might help. If you order the DNA kit you might be matched with other living relatives who can help your search, or you may be able to find your parents if you use your birth name (if different from your current name) on the family tree search. As others have said there are also a lot of groups on Facebook who are very helpful with connecting adoptees with relatives. I’m not adopted but managed to connect with some cousins who were via these.
Flashdash92@reddit
OP isn't trying to find his genetic family. They are trying to find the people who adopted them - with whom they have no genetic relation.Â
SeaworthinessSalt111@reddit (OP)
Im looking for my adoptive parents so DNA search wouldnt help
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