Now if I could find one that doesn't splatter shit all over the back of my balls, forcing me to wash my balls after every bowel movement.

This is the issue I was picturing, as I sit on a toilet reading Reddit, preparing to wipe. What’s the point of spraying water at shit on your asshole if it just flies everywhere? Surely that’s not cleaner? Maybe if you paper wipe the 95%+ off first, then spray? Though it’ll still be contaminated, and spreading that contamination. Though, in the summer, sweating probably does the same thing, which is pretty gross. Probably all great argument for only taking a shot directly before a shower, where soap and more extensive cleaning is involved. But alas, I am now, and have for over a decade been, a morning shitter and an evening showerer. Actually, twice a day dumps are more likely as well, since dinner usually encourages a BM.

What a shitty thread…