Wife very anti gun. Best way to get her more comfortable to the idea?
Posted by KCNF21@reddit | Firearms | View on Reddit | 138 comments
For context, I have grown up very comfortable around guns. Whole family is rural, 2A types and they’ve always been around. I’ve never owned one, but I’m more and more considering the need to have one for self defense, and I’ve always thought it would be fun to get into gun collecting recreationally when I have a little more money. Separate from the fact I just enjoy them and think they’re cool, I more importantly than that value their purpose. family defense and protecting the ones I love, along with the general “being armed against possible government tyranny” philosophy, which I agree with.
My wife, however, is anti gun. Not radically. It’s not a policy thing with her as much of a personal thing (she doesn’t believe they should be outright banned for example). She also grew up around hunters in her family and has had them around. However, she is also strongly anti violence. Will not watch war/action films as the violence troubles her, and she’s been close to individuals with mental health issues and have made attempts at their own life with guns. As such, she really does not like them. She doesn’t really even like discussing having them because the conversations make her uncomfortable.
Ultimately, I know this comes down to a fear thing for her. I want to work to try to make her more comfortable with the idea of having them around. She understands my perspective of wanting to defend the family, but she also can’t imagine resorting to violence. She has said she’d prefer we just “give a home invader what they want and let them leave, they probably just want to steal, not shoot us”. And one of the reasons she doesn’t want guns is “if our kids end up having depression I don’t want them to have access”. If anyone has any ideas or ways to make her less concerned about these things, or even things I should reconsider, advice would be welcome
diprivanity@reddit
This is something that gets resolved in the girlfriend stage brah Wtf
Mynplus1throwaway@reddit
Glad someone said it. If we have fucked you have seen at least my carry gun.
MCE85@reddit
Maybe not my underwear gun but definitly my iwb.
Boarder5150@reddit
The cargo shorts stay on during sex😂
MCE85@reddit
Women love when you just use the peehole in your boxers
KCNF21@reddit (OP)
For what it’s worth I’ve felt more strongly about this since getting married. I was more neutral “could take it or leave it” before marriage, and still have never personally owned a gun to this point
Kusotare421@reddit
My sister grew up around guns in the family and I wouldn't say that she was anti-gun but definitely never used one and was very afraid of them. I have been shooting my whole life. 2 years ago I had her take an 8 hour NRA basic pistol course with me. She was able to put hands on several guns in a controlled learning environment. After the class work we went to the range to shoot. She was able to fire several different guns and found out it's not as scary as she thought. She recently joined the range I go to as an associate member, meaning I have to be ther with her but she doesn't have to pay the visitor fee or do the paperwork every time. I gifted her a springfield XDM elite in 9mm. She really likes it and for a beginner she's doing quite well. John Wick she is not but she is improving every time we go.
Old_MI_Runner@reddit
Sorry some just go negative right away with their replies. I use to do that sometimes but I am trying to be more helpful to others.
I agree the two of you may need to see a marriage councilor. Your health insurance may cover some or all of the cost. I know one in my area that served in the reserves and has a concealed carry permit.
Active Self Protection shows videos on their YouTube with good explanation of what a defender should consider and do. The problem is your wife likely will not be able to watch these either.
A firearm is not just for home defense. A criminal may not just want to take your possessions. Active Self Protection often mentions some statistic that the chance of getting hurt is lower if one is able to defend themselves with a firearm. Just taking the money does not guarantee the criminal will not rape or murder their victims.
My mother-in-law asked my wife if she could shoot someone. If she had asked me I would have told her would she rather have me shoot and possibly kill the criminal or should we just hope the criminal only plans to steal out stuff rather than go on to beat, rape and possible kill her daughter.
Active Self Protection has a video of a store clerk who fully complied. At the end the criminal shot the employee in the head killing the employee while the employ was kneeling on the floor in full compliance. Expecting someone who is morally corrupt enough to rob someone while threatening them with a weapon to have the morals to not beat, rape, and kill may just be wishful thinking.
My mother-in-law actually agreed to go to the range us one holiday when we all went out as a family. She shot some of my 22LR firearms. I did not take my scary AR15. The reason was it was the first time for some of them at the range and I planned to bring it out at later trips after everyone had more experience and when I only had two guests there. We only had time to shoot at the pistol range anyway. My mother-in-law is okay with going to a range and shooting as long as no silhouette targets are used.
CrashingTiger@reddit
Hello fellow ASP watcher! Yeah, i think he says the likely hood of still getting injured or worse even with full compliance is something like 25%. And yeah, i saw that video too of the clerk getting executed. Absolutely brutal. The criminal mind does not work like "normal" people. It's an absolute folly to believe they mean you no harm and will just take what they want and leave peacefully.
Icelock@reddit
NobodyP1@reddit
In the first few dates I always take the girl shooting. Also if we get comfortable with each other they know that I carry everyday.
Suckamanhwewhuuut@reddit
Yeah, i took my GF once, had her about ready to go with a nice soft shooting 50 AE…. Jk….Taurus TX22.. and I showed her out to grip it. She picked it up off the bench and as she brought it up to aim, she got shakier and shakier, and I simply said, “it’s ok if you don’t want to shoot it, if you do, you will probably get over the fear, if you don’t feel comfortable at all just put the gun back down on the bench” she put it right down and that was that.. broke up with her a week later…. Jk again… we are still together, going on 5 years this summer! 🤗. But she has not been back on a lane since then. 😔
Boarder5150@reddit
Too late now. Married. How wasnt this brought up in the bf/gf stage?
CowsNeedFriendsToo@reddit
Well, you COULD have a friend mask up and break into your house when nobody is home…
My spouse was anti gun until someone burgled our home when we were gone. Now they own 5 of their own guns.
Unenthusiasticly@reddit
Take her to a range that allows rentals. Shooting guns is a fun activity and doesn't automatically equate to violent activity.
Focus more on the target shooting aspect of it and less on the self defense aspect maybe. And let her know verysecure gun safes are things that exist.
CaptHoratioMagellan@reddit
Also take it slow. My wife didn't like guns either and still doesn't love them but definitely admits that they are fun!!
HWKII@reddit
I would add to this - find an outdoor range preferably. Indoor shooting really turned my wife off of range trips, but I already had the guns, and outdoors was a whole other thing. Much less overwhelming.
Also, some people just don’t want the responsibility. I don’t understand those people, but they exist and are entitled to their choices.
Independent-Exit7434@reddit
Outdoor range with a 22 to start. Easiest intro ever.
Observed-observer@reddit
Also its helpful to pick a day that isnt commonly crowded. If they are self conscious at all the less people around the better.
sabrefencer9@reddit
Second this. I sell it as a fun engineering problem I like to solve and that has basically always made shooting legible to people.
Zimi231@reddit
This is what ultimately got my wife hooked.
bigburt-@reddit
show her videos of victims
CaptainSmegman@reddit
Not sure how to get her on board.. my wife didn't care that I wanted a gun. It was 2018 I bought the first one and its because I didn't want our first child to have a defenseless father & mother. Bought her an M&P 2.0 compact during covid and built 2 high end rifles and bought a G47 since.
I would ask her facing death would you at least want to try to defend yourself and your loved one
JDC802@reddit
When I bought my pistol, I bought one for my wife also. We had discussed my interest in shooting at the range, and she decided that if I had a gun in the house, she needed to get one also and learn how to use it safely. We bought safety glasses and good hearing protection. Then we paid a certified gun safety trainer to give the two of us a 4-hour gun safety training session that included disassembling the pistols, cleaning them, and the assembling them again. Then she fired her first weapon, from 6 feet. The trainer was extremely patient with her, helping with her stance, her grip, how to brace against recoil, and how to squeeze the trigger. The first shot was a tough one for her, but she was determined to learn. Since then we have been to the range several times, and learned she is a better shot than I am! As we have grandchildren, I also made a point of emphasizing safe storage; a gun safe was one of the first things we bought after our pistols. All of our ammo is stored in a heavy lock box with 2 combination locks on it. I think the training and the focus on safety were important, but giving her the room (and resources) and the time to understand how we could do this safely were the keys. She even bought herself her own range bag, and insists on buying all of our ammo so she knows what we have and that it is safely stored. I hope she decides to enjoy this with you.
ImpressiveAlarm3992@reddit
Ask her what she would do in the moment of a break in:
1) She is at the total mercy of the person in the break in.
2) She has the ability to use a gun against the intruder.
Police response is said to be 25 minutes. Option 1 or option 2.
MyF150isboring@reddit
This is why I was very intentional about discussing how much I value firearms and how important they are to me. My wife has zero interest in them, but fully supports me and likes that I carry. Hell, she just asks what accessories I want for birthday/christmas, or just tells me to buy them.
For any single guys watching this thread…..be extremely picky, as this is a subject with no compromise, honestly.
Sventorian@reddit
Start with shooting simulation classes. Work up to live fire with a certified instructor.
MArkansas-254@reddit
Step one. Take her for a fun afternoon shooting in the country with some other women and men.
gstevo12@reddit
I feel like brutal reality could help in the situation. Might not be best for her mental health but it’s true regardless of how it makes her feel.
We live in an evil world man, some people don’t want to just rob you. All the rapes and murders in this world didn’t start out by getting mugged and while I think you should absolutely deescalate every situation possible before resorting to violence sometimes there’s no choice and it’s in a matter of seconds
There’s people out there that would hurt your, your wife, and your kids and not think twice about it. Scum criminal don’t have logic and are at the end of the day bad people.
There’s always a level of risk with having firearms in the house with children but can be minimized by practicing safety, teaching safety, and keeping them locked away. Not optimal in an emergency but better than not having any at all
dutchman76@reddit
Taking a firearms introduction class helped with my ex
SlowYoteV8@reddit
Stage a break in
txcancmi@reddit
Find a NRA Women On Target event and get her signed up. Classes by women for women. My wife had a great time.
Own_Performer2211@reddit
Get your hands on a small revolver, a .22 or .38 and take her to the range. If you can get her into target shooting, the problem will go away.
IntenseSpirit@reddit
Pay a crackhead to break into your house
Alpha_Hellhound@reddit
If she's unwilling to even talk about it, there's not much to be discussed. That puts you in a difficult position.
Worst case scenario would be that you purchase the firearm/s you want, buy a safe and keep them in there. You and you alone would have the combo or key to that safe. They exist for you, but not for anyone else in the home.
owl_bowl_towel@reddit
^ this is stage 1
2) “you should know how to make these things safe” 3) “just come and shoot this beautiful .22lr at at friends house in a safe environment” 4) “you’re really good at this - what a fun thing to do together”
sexywizard420@reddit
Pay a friend to break in at night and fake fight you. Works every time.
the_spacecowboy555@reddit
Reminds me of the scene in Kingpin where Roy paid the guy to steal the landlady purse to delay on paying rent. Ended up being his busy and she walked in and saw him. Roy didn’t have a good evening.
osubmw1@reddit
Hopefully your wife doesn't stab him
SwanMuch5160@reddit
She’s anti-violence so that plays well into the plan
sexywizard420@reddit
Worth the risk
kodiakbear_@reddit
Have her watch Cold Case Files
Templarkommando@reddit
Man, the voice of Peter Thomas as a narrator will make anybody pro-gun.
SirEagle60@reddit
Somehow convince her to go shooting one time. Taking a few women over the years on a date to a shooting range, they all love it once they do it.
KeepandBearMemes@reddit
You need to convince her that many criminals are not logical. You need to convince her that some people commit crimes because they are bad people and not because they are poor. You need her to understand that protecting your children from evil people is more important than anything else in the world.
Then you need to come up with a comprehensive plan of how you will stay prepared with the firearm while never allowing your children acess to it. A comprehensive security plan includes more than just having a firearm, you should explain how you will use every resource available, including de-escalation and preplanned security measures before you resort to the firearm.
A harmless person is someone incapable of defending their family even if it means the death of their family
A peaceful person is someone who chooses the peaceful path until they are left with no other option but force to defend their family
hafetysazard@reddit
Any criminal that is willing to resort to lethal force, or break into a strangers home is not logical. Chances are most people imagine a burglar being pretty reasonable, but reality is that they’re not even close. They’re not the type of person you can trust to make a cup of tea, so why would you trust them to make a good decision while in the midst of making a very poor one? Hell, I bet most of these criminals who invade people’s homes don’t even know what they want once they break in, so why would you assume they just want your stuff?
JazzyJeff58@reddit
It appears to me that OP's wife is a pacifist and dislikes violence of any kind, for any reason. You're not going to convince people of that mindset that any violence can be used for good.
2feetandathrowaway@reddit
She sounds naive honestly
saysee23@reddit
I'm a woman and laughing so hard at your "need to convince her". As soon as you figure out how to "convince her" (any her) of anything you'd own the world. .
KeepandBearMemes@reddit
I mean if it were me, the relationship would be over or it would have never started if i couldnt convince her. But i dont like recommending random anonymous strangers to end their relationship over a situation that i have very little information on.
If you cant change your partners mind about anything at all by talking, its probably not a healthy relationship
2feetandathrowaway@reddit
Your wife ultimately has a very naive worldview. She wants to see the best in people, and that's great, but it's also not reality.
There are absolutely people out there that would break into a home, you could offer them everything, even the deed to the house ans all of your assets, and they would still kill you.
Her concern about firearms getting into the wrong hands is also likely inflated. Properly stored firearms are very difficult to access, much mess so than a knife in the kitchen.
Maybe talk to your wife about the teachings of Carl Jung and the shadow? Every person is capable of violence, astounding, cruel, and creative violence. To think otherwise is naive and denies reality, putting yourself at risk of becoming a victim.
shadow_worx@reddit
Communicating about it is good and having conversations are good.
Have you asked her if there’s anything that would help her be more comfortable talking about them or having them in the house?
Proper storage is an important part of gun ownership so make sure to have clear communication around that as well.
map2photo@reddit
My wife isn’t anti-gun per se, but doesn’t like that I have so many. I brought her to an outdoor range on a day that no one was there. She shot a pistol, AR, and bolt gun.
I learned she is cross eye dominant and she’s pretty good with a rifle. She doesn’t like any of the pistols I have.
I’m using this as an excuse to build her a lefty AR and find a pistol she likes.
_WhiteGoodman_@reddit
Stage a home invasion and make sure she is home.
Make sure they are “armed”.
/s (sorta)
Civil_Application894@reddit
Perhaps when selecting a partner, don’t choose someone with the opposite mindset and a bad attitude toward your interests & beliefs?
sportbiketed@reddit
Take her to shoot suppressed machine guns. If that doesn't change her view, then nothing will.
PlutoJones42@reddit
See if she will take a firearms class at a range with you
Yettigetter@reddit
Every Anti gun person I have taken to the Gun Range always changes their tune.
Sure_Pear_9258@reddit
My wife grew up in a home that was very anti gun. She'd never even held a gun until I put one in her hands. First of all she needs a few base fears addressed with the idea of kids or others getting to your firearms. You can show her products like the "Stop Box" which allow quick easy access for you and her to the gun but kids and intruders cant gain easy access to them. Plus having something like a gun safe for larger firearms.
Next you need to show her that if someone is willing to break into your home. They are willing to risk their lives and end yours for your stuff... or worse. And when police are 5 min away the response time of a 9mm is approx. 1100 feet per second. Because its not just robber's who break in. Its murderers, arsonists, rapists, kidnappers and many more vile creatures.
Lastly your wife needs empowerment. She needs to experience violence in a manner where she is in control of the situation. To this end I would start with recommending signing her up for a basic women's self defense course. After she completes that course consider signing her up for MMA classes or finding a BJJ or Judo class. Martial skills are a great confidence booster where she can learn to be comfortable with violence in a controlled setting.
Lastly my wife says, "From woman to woman she needs to know the difference between peaceful and harmless. Being peaceful means you are capable of violence but choose not to act on it. Harmless means you are incapable of violence and are only going to be a victim the rest of their life. Criminals try to only target the harmless."
SaturdaysAFTBs@reddit
Easy solution - new wife
cowboy3gunisfun@reddit
Experience is the key. I've never met an Anti gun person who's actually fired guns. Look into classes, 22lr competition near you like steel challenge. Show her that its a useful tool and a fun hobby.
justannuda@reddit
I mean, maybe just respect your wife and let her be her own person.
Mdmrtgn@reddit
Mine never wanted to live in a house with guns and I never argued cuz they were a fun/luxury thing to me and I haven't hunted in about ten years anyway. 3 years ago she told me to arm us because every day it seems Firearms are becoming more necessary. If you feel things are getting dangerous and you should be armed that's the only argument that's gonna work. My girl came to that conclusion on her own, yours just needs a little nudge.
Night_Raptor_22@reddit
Best advice I’ve seen on here so far OP, involves counseling of some sort. I would agree as well.
If she is willing to have a discussion, you may be able to convince her, but don’t get your hopes up.
If she was willing, you take her to the range. A lot of people are convinced that guns aren’t as scary once they have the firsthand experience, they see the appeal.
If you have a range nearby that does rentals, they probably have a mandatory safety class for first timers/non-members. You could try getting her to take a concealed carry class, sometimes there are ladies only classes, which could help.
But, if she is 100% not open to talking, then there is nothing you can do.
At that point, you only have a few options:
The big thing is trying to get her to open herself up to seeing the “other side” of things. There are countless examples of women/mothers defending themselves with a gun, and many more of times when a gun could have saved someone’s wife/mother/sister/daughter from being killed. She may be against violence, but what about saving the life of her child? Your goal is to try to reframe things to get her to rethink stuff. Don’t force it, she has to be the one to do this.
Best of luck OP, you’re going to need it.
God bless brother.
MormanOutlaw@reddit
Shared your post with my wife for a woman's perspective, as a mother she doesn't understand the home invader comment. She suggested she seek therapy for the issue with violence.
As a guy I can't suggest anything. You could try to take steps to make her more comfortable with firearmsz like range days, a woman's shooting course, some self defense classes.
As a man I will do anything and be as violent as humanly possible to protect my family. My wife understands this and supports me, she isn't a fighter or a violent woman by any means, but I know if I need her help she would be right beside me to defend our home or protect our family.
You wife needs serious help and I wish you the best with what seems to be an unwinnable fight.
JazzyJeff58@reddit
No disrespect intended, buy your wife obviously doesn't understand how the real world works!
MCE85@reddit
What if the home invaders want one of the kids?
Jakes0nAPlane@reddit
That’s why you have them ordered by favorites ahead of time. Makes the negotiation quicker
Night_Raptor_22@reddit
Animals first, then spouse and children last. If they can walk and talk, they know the risks… /s
ActOk7390@reddit
Divorce. Antigunners are antigunners.
Jjmills101@reddit
As someone who was not particularly into or pro guns until recently, her fears are mostly irrational but also valid. The stats say that kids stumble upon guns and NDs happen.
These things are 100% avoided with proper storage, education and gun safety practices, although I will add an unpopular piece there which is that perfect readiness will never be 100% safe, because by definition being perfectly ready and armed means having it at arms reach and easy to access.
I think there is absolutely a middle ground here, likely involving a safe and careful management to where your potential kids either don’t know you own a gun or don’t know the combination to the safe
ElmoZ71SS@reddit
Baby steps, nerf guns for goofing around and then work up. Take it slow, I started a similar journey with my wife when we were dating. However she knew I hunted and knew the rifles and shotguns were around. I still can’t get her to shoulder a long gun but she’ll go rent a lane at the range with her pistols all day
steppedinhairball@reddit
Regardless of their position on guns, everyone should know how to safely handle guns. As such, she should take a beginner's safety course and maybe take it with you. She may never want or need to use that knowledge, but if she did need it, she would have that knowledge.
Curious_Fail_3723@reddit
My mum would say "find someone who sings your song"
Normie316@reddit
"Can't imagine/give the intruder what they want." Cool what happens when the intruder isn't there to take your stuff? Also she's not the one getting out of bed to check out that loud noise in the middle of night. You are.
Honestly this is stuff you figure out before moving in together. Try taking her to the range so she can get used to it but if she's not going to be reliably safe handling the firearm because she's too afraid of it then I wouldn't try forcing her onto it.
wildjabali@reddit
Ruger MKIV with suppressor
Extremely easy way to introduce someone. No recoil or report, and it’s a ton of fun. $600 for the gun and $500 for the suppressor.
bill_bull@reddit
I had to scroll waaay too far to find this. Also, don't go to an indoor range. People scared of guns lose their shit at indoor ranges. If they have a bad time at the indoor range because of someone mag dumping a Draco with a brake, you can't do anything to fix that and it will confirm their bias. Stupid quiet 22 in a nice outdoor setting is hard for anyone to have a problem with and not enjoy.
ChevTecGroup@reddit
Man 22 cans are like 2-300 now, if that
wildjabali@reddit
Oh! I haven’t bought one in years. Even better!
ChevTecGroup@reddit
Yeah. I bought 2 all aluminum k-baffle cans for 230 bucks last month. Thats 115 each and they work well!
wildjabali@reddit
Is that deal still available?
ChevTecGroup@reddit
Ive heard they go on sale somewhat regularly at a certain dirty bird
HiveTool@reddit
👀🙋🏻I’d like that
Warhorse_99@reddit
Honestly, she’s probably not coming around on this completely.
I’d compromise. What if you had it, but she never has to see it, unless it actually needs to be used. Get a safe, range bag, etc. You clean it in the garage, or when she’s not home. You take it from the safe & put it in the bag & go to the range, or “hanging out with a friend”. Out of sight, out of mind, but if someone does threaten your family you’ll be prepared. I think that’s kinda fair.
My wife shoots, but has 0 interest in being serious about it so I don’t push it. If I pushed her into it and she’s half-heartedly doing it, someone might get hurt. It’s not her thing, that’s ok.
Or just do it. You know the situation the best. You should be talking to her about it, not Reddit.
22Hoofhearted@reddit
Her issues are deeply rooted, and likely only fixable through therapy. Any rational suggestions from you aren't going to be met with rational responses...
TarsoBackMarquez@reddit
Dont waste your time— you’ll be divorced well before then…
brittc777@reddit
Hire some buddies to do a fake home invasion. She will beg you to get a gun
consultantdetective@reddit
She's your partner, talk with her. Remember, you don't need to get validation from her and have her think the exact same as you. What's important is mutual respect for differences.
Start off easy. Talk w her and articulate your pov that you'd feel more able to protect & provide if you had the tools to do so. When she says what she's concerned with, say that concern back to her in your own words so she trusts you understand.
Avoid saying "but", focus on "and" responses. When she says she would rather not see a robber be killed, you can say smthn like "and neither would I, that'd be a loss of life, but we should still be protected from a worst case scenario just in case the robber wants more than stuff. Because we wouldn't know everything they want in that moment."
She's going to of course be highly concerned about storage. You need to show proactive thinking here and treat it as a matter of course that you would want secure storage. So you gotta get some locking container.
Key points are to remember the love & respect yall have for each other, treat each other with the respect you'd like to be shown, and start off easy. Don't jump in on an AR15 bc reddit tell you it's the best thing ever. Start with a handgun, ideally one that's not all black. Something with OD green as an option or something steel blue can do a lot to lessen the psychological impact.
I've done this w my girlfriend who was of a similar mindset as your wife. It takes some time & teamwork, but ultimately strengthens the relationship + mutual respect. Don't push her into understanding all the legal situations or bringing her to the range. That can be a lot for a noobie. When you bring her to the range, you want yourself to be the experienced, responsible, capable user of your firearm. Not the new shooter learning at the same time as her.
SwanMuch5160@reddit
Take her to an outdoor range and have her shoot a .22 pistol. Most women are fairly good shooters from the start since they are better at following directions and don’t have any developed bad habits to overcome. Then step her up to a 9mm, metal framing you can for the reduced recoil. See where it goes from there. Best of Luck.
Salty-Ganache3068@reddit
Why do you care if she is comfortable with the idea of you having guns in house? This is a her problem not a you problem.
Appropriate-Panda101@reddit
As a 40-ish yo woman who owns guns, has CCW, trained and all that jazz, I’m trying to have a graceful perspective of your wife. Yes, she might be anti-gun right now, but you mentioned elsewhere you don’t yet have children. It might be harder for her to see why it’s necessary, versus men who naturally have that protective instinct.
However, once she becomes a mother, I don’t know if it would cause her to go even farther anti-gun. Would you be OK with her “allowing” you to have a gun, but not her learning how to use it? That is not the ideal way to go as it is important for her to have that additional method of protection, but perhaps a good first collaboration step.
It also might be helpful to find some resource of walking through different potential home defense situations to get her thinking about what could happen - if you were home, if you weren’t, etc. This is not to cause anxiety, but a lot of people do not take the time to think through situations like this. If she’s naturally someone who likes to be prepared in other ways in her life, this is just one additional (very important) area.
But as others have pointed out in here too, as the man and ultimate protector of the home, you may at some point just have to say it is what it is, and my job is to protect you and our family and I’m going to do it in the safest way possible and I hope you’ll join me, but I understand if you don’t.
SJ1392@reddit
What if the home invader doesnt want witnesses...
flounder98w@reddit
Take her out to a range and show her the safety rules and how to use it and start with a 22
ervin_pervin@reddit
Then don't get a gun for self-defense. Get one for sport and competition. A 10/22 is probably the least intimidating and most introductory firearm. Not the best defense firearm but better than nothing. You tell someone adverse to guns that you want one for "DEFENSE" and they picture glocks, shotguns, and AR15s going bang. Might get a different response if you just be forthright with getting a 22lr plinker for fun. Maybe one day get a 9mm carbine for "fun".
chriscrowder@reddit
Divorce
Poprocketrop@reddit
She gets half his guns and goes to a buyback
Possible_Ad_4094@reddit
What's half of the zero guns that OP currently has?
Meinek13@reddit
Get a safe. Put it in garage with most of your guns. When you end up in the garage working on your guns a the time, of she likes you, she'll get on board with he safe coming inside so she can be around you more.
I'm sure some old heads are gonna scoff at this, but most of them have been such shitty partners their spouse hates them and it's irreparable.
Also, don't take lead lightly. I think half the reason so many of the dudes in this hobby end up being aggro and haedheaded is bc theyre out here biting their fingernails and sh*t after a range trip. Dont prove your wife right by accidentally poisoning you and your kids.
Ok_Proposal_2278@reddit
Take her trap shooting
Hoyle33@reddit
Anti violence won’t stop her from being attacked or robbed, that is just anti logic
AdvantageDizzy2716@reddit
Take her shooting. .22 cal
WillMoonKnives@reddit
Usually women who are against you owning and using the tools that you need in order to protect her, your family and yourself have an underlying mental health thing going on. She shouldn't be more afraid of your guns than she is of someone harming your family.
I'd suggest going to a therapist and working on trust issues and fear/anxiety issues.
In principal, guns in the home should be comforting, since they allow you to defend your family. This is especially true for a woman. Lets be honest, even the most built, stacked Amazon babe is probably about as strong as a moderately strong man, and would probably lose in most physical altercations just due to size. Why wouldn't you want Sam Colt and the great equalizer on your side?
Moreover, walk her thru what self defense looks like without a gun. I had this discussion once with my FIL, who doesn't own guns and was concerned about me owning a gun for family protection - to protect his daughter. I asked him what his plan would be if someone broke into his house, and he said he'd get a baseball bad and hit them. I asked him what he'd do if someone broke into his house with a gun... no answer. I also asked him what that looked like... were you going to bash someone on the head until their eye popped out? Gonna break their knees or ribs? I told him that seemed really violent to me, and unnecessarily cruel. I don't think he was convinced, but I told him I'm protecting his daughter with an AR, because that's the fastest, best way to make sure she's safe.
Anyway, go to therapy, sort out trust issues, sort out fear and anxiety issues.
Expensive-Shirt-6877@reddit
Some of these comments are not helpful.
I’ve actually been through this with my wife. We met before I owned any guns and she was anti gun, still doesn’t like them.
Anyways I just told her it wasn’t negotiable, I grabbed a Glock 19, and she was pissed but eventually got over it and now she is comfortable around guns. Still doesn’t like them or go to the range, but is chill about it.
I say just start small with a revolver and let her get used to it. Most of them will just deal with it.
Thats what I did anyways and it worked
KCNF21@reddit (OP)
Haha, this is good advice appreciate it. Yeah there’s some decent other recommendations in here scattered about, but I can’t say that “divorce your wife” when I love her deeply resonates well with me lol
harbourhunter@reddit
Billybob_Bojangles2@reddit
I'm sorry bro but fuck that. It's your sacred duty to defend your family. Are you gonna "give them what they want" when they want to rape and kill your wife or daughter?
This isn't a democratic decision, It's your decision. Get a gun, train with it, keep it loaded, but lock it up. Work on her feelings later.
KCNF21@reddit (OP)
No, I’m not. And I’ve clarified this that I will protect her and the family regardless and if I feel like that’s what it takes, that’s what I will do. My point is moreso that if I do decide to make that decision, I want her to be more comfortable with that.
Billybob_Bojangles2@reddit
Pacifism isn't a logical idealogy. It's an emotional one. I honestly don't think you'll make much headway until she becomes a mother. If yall have kids already i have no hope for your situation.
KCNF21@reddit (OP)
Yes, valid point and I agree. We do not have kids yet
winston_smith1977@reddit
As an old man who has been in a few and observed many relationships, I suggest thinking carefully about making kids with a person whose thinking processes you don't respect.
A person who won't do everything to protect your kids might not be the best mother.
mikemitch38@reddit
Wise advice
jawnnie@reddit
Buy something that doesn’t look like a gun like trailblazer lifecard or meligun mg-22. But theyre only 22 caliber w limited capacity
monsterofwar1977@reddit
If a person does not immediately run off when breaking into a house that has people in it, they have already decided on violence. Complying means that best case scenario someone, most likely her, will get slapped around in order to get more valuables. And if they decide to leave no witnesses? You're probably already restrained.
TakeitEasy6@reddit
I literally just a few minutes ago gave this reply to somebody else asking a similar (they're younger and living with their parents who don't like guns) question:
"I'm a "just for fun" shooter. I keep all my guns and mags unloaded and locked up in a safe, and all the ammo locked up in a separate container that's somewhere else. Yes, the potential for having a loaded gun in the house is there, but there's a lot of steps involved, and the possibility of unauthorized access is seriously reduced vs. having guns (even unloaded) and ammo in the same container. I also will never tell anyone how to access either container. If I'm showing a guest the gun collection and they ask "where is the ammo?" my answer is "not with the guns" and nothing more. I don't care if it's my own grandma: if you don't live in this house, you don't get even a hint about how to obtain a loaded weapon here. These rules helps my wife who isn't totally opposed to guns, but isn't exactly comfortable with them either feel better about my small but growing collection/hobby. Maybe having a set of self-imposed rules that you take extremely seriously will help the others in your home see that you understand and respect the risks, and will do everything you can to be safe.
Somebody else here recommended only buying ammo when you go to the range, and never having any at home. This is definitely the safest way to keep guns around; without ammo they're just expensive clubs. That said, the range I go to charges almost double what I pay for bulk ammo.
Side note: check out r/liberalgunowners . There's a lot more of us than you'd think, and our ranks are growing rapidly... can't imagine why..."
For you with home and family defense on your mind, keeping everything unloaded and separate won't be helpful if the worst day of your life comes. Maybe start with everything super-secured, then learn, train, and gain proficiency before you eventually keep one loaded gun in a quick-access safe.
I'd also recommend taking a class together. Most ranges offer some kind of training, there's private trainers you can hire, too. Maybe find a female trainer, that might make her more comfortable. Fear often comes from a lack of understanding. If she learns that a gun is just a tool that can be stored and handled safely, maybe she won't be so afraid.
buffalo_herd_skater@reddit
TakeitEasy6@reddit
818 contributions in 10 months on a randomized username full of underscores? Привет, робот.
SuburbanButcher@reddit
Yet he has positive Karma and you don't.
wiltchamberlain1356@reddit
Gotta lay out the flat truth, that she loves you and family, and in some cases an intruder or threat can be handled without guns, but it is possible there comes a threat to you, her, family, that cant be solved without a gun, and in that circumstance wouldnt she prefer her protector and husband had one if needed to protect his own life and hers/kids?
telephantomoss@reddit
Show her the US unorganized militia code. Explain that you are doing your duty to your country to be proficient with firearms.
Weep4Thee@reddit
Get a new wife
Bubbabeast91@reddit
Marriage was a mistake brother
KCNF21@reddit (OP)
I can’t agree. She’s an exceptional and caring person even if we have our disagreements on this
Mynplus1throwaway@reddit
Give her a safety lesson. No ammo. Dry fire, load and unload, disassemble, clean, etc. 1-2 hrs. Go over every gun she will shoot. Demystify the scary gun.
Take her plinking. Ideally a friends private land. Just .22 or pellet rifle even. Just shoot cans and paper. See guns can be used for just sport. It's like golf.
Now, philosophically, where does she draw the line? Blow dart gun? Slingshot? Pellet rifle? .22? A pellet rifle has the same ballistics as a .22. all guns are dangerous if used improperly. Same as a knife. Same as a car. People get comfortable with cars after time driving.
Once she is comfy with .22 and such start branching out slowly.
JedediahBunnyNose@reddit
Desk pop.
FortunateHominid@reddit
If it can't even really be discussed then it's never going to be addressed.
Being a pacifist is great. Sadly those who commit crimes most likely don't share the same morals. Peaceful people have horrible things happen to them at the hands of others daily.
What if they don't stop at just robbing the house? How do you know if they would?
Firearms should be stored in a safe. That prevents children and young adults from accessing them.
Doesn't really matter as you stated a logical discussion isn't on the table.
Best bet is an attempt at exposure therapy. Start with a .22 hunting rifle and small rifle safe. She grew up around hunters, it's a long gun, small caliber, might be more comfortable with that. Go from there.
I would advise against trying to force it on her. I assume you knew this prior to marriage, so it wouldn't be fair to push or hold it against her. Go slowly and good luck.
ChevTecGroup@reddit
"Being a pacifist is great. Sadly those who commit crimes most likely don't share the same morals. Peaceful people have horrible things happen to them at the hands of others daily.
What if they don't stop at just robbing the house? How do you know if they would?"
I have this same discussion with a young guy at work. He says often that he would rather an intruder just take whatever they want. I had to point out to him that Im not single and live alone. I have a family and little kids that I am responsible for protecting. I cant just let a person take my kid and buy a new one.
KCNF21@reddit (OP)
I’ve also made the point that “sure the home invader could be there just to take a couple things and leave. But if a person is crazy enough to break into my house I’ll assume he’s crazy enough to do more than steal”.
We cannot act like criminals can be put into neat little boxes like we know exactly what they’re planning on doing
KCNF21@reddit (OP)
I believe the conversation can be had, maybe just not right now. She doesn’t immediately shut down conversation. She has just noted these types of conversations make her uncomfortable, but she has historically allowed me to make my points. And yes this was known before marriage. She knew my stance and I knew hers
Joice_Craglarg@reddit
My girlfriend isn't anti-gun, but she was very uncomfortable with them and not at all interested in shooting when we got together.
Truthfully, neither was I. Then covid happened, and we spent a lot of time consuming true crime, for whatever reason. I don't know what that was about, but it seemed like everyone else got into it around that time, as well.
I started to feel paranoid, naturally, and so did she. It occured to me that like 90% of these stories would've been drastically different if the victim was packing heat, so I eventually got a gun. Then another, then another, and y'all know how that goes. At this point, she was still pointedly uninterested, despite me trying to get her into it.
Then, eventually I just bought her a cool little 22 as a surprise, and everything changed overnight. She asks me if we can go shooting now! I think her having ownership over her little 22 made all the difference. It's her gun that she trains with.
And yeah, yeah, 22 is a shit choice for self defense. But it's the gun she trains with, and it's a whole lot better than a raised voice and a stick. To this day, she's still not really interested in anything more capable, but we had someone try the doorknob a few months back, and when I ran outside to confront the mfker, I felt a whole lot fuckin better when I saw her gun-in-hand as I was coming back in. It's nice to know your partner's got you back. Never did see who tried the door though, they ran off.
In retrospect, I think I'd definitely stay indoors and hunker down of something like that happened again though. That situation could have been much worse if that guy was armed as well.
Livid_Sun_716@reddit
Buy one anyways, tell her it's there now and nothing to be done about it
ChevTecGroup@reddit
Lol. Say you dont want to talk about it
Iceman1047@reddit
Show her whats happening in Britain without guns.
Leptonshavenocolor@reddit
So far I just keep the safe closed around her and don’t talk about my new purchase. Sometimes she just leaves packages on the porch and says; “there’s a pew pew package for you out there”. I’m currently under a buying embargo.
albatikh@reddit
First, buy a good safe. Once you have the safe start keeping normal things in it. After a while, your wife will realize there’s a safe place for a gun. Then at some point, buy a gun. Something less “scary”. If she comes onto the idea, then get the gun with permission and if she doesn’t, wait it out and buy it one day when you find a deal or are feeling courageous. I recommend a hand gun or shotgun. On top of everything, I’d take a gun safety class for yourself but also so your wife feels more safe about you owning a firearm. Good luck!
thor561@reddit
OP, I'm just going to tell you right now, this is going to be tough most likely. You're going to have to break through years/decades of fear, anxiety, and programming. Your wife needs to understand that she doesn't get to choose whether or not violence happens to her. Compliance isn't always going to save you, because there are people in the world that see a compliant victim and decide that they can take more. And, I hate to say it because this is your wife, but she clearly has a victim mentality. Her inability or unwillingness to imagine someone committing unspeakable violence toward her and your family doesn't make those things not so. She can't imagine someone harming them, but one of her hypotheticals is what if your kids get depressed and off themselves with it? Make that make sense. You have a fire extinguisher and smoke detectors in the house not because you're going to burn the house down, but because the possibility exists that it could.
If this is really a road you're going to go down, you need to ask whether or not her being uncomfortable is a dealbreaker, for either of you. That is, if she insists on no guns, are you out? If you insist on having one, is she out? It sounds trite but this is a much bigger deal than most people realize. I'm currently dating a woman with teenage children, and I told her that once we're living together I will secure my firearms when not in use but any idea of me getting rid of them or not concealed carrying if and when I please is a non-starter. I love this woman but it would be a dealbreaker. And people can say "Oh what's the big deal, just give her what she wants and make her happy." That's infantilizing IMO. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but as the man in her life, it's my responsibility to be able to defend her and her kids should the need arise. It's also my responsibility to keep them safe from hurting themselves or others with one of my guns. These aren't incompatible things.
TL;DR: Try and get her out to a range for some exposure therapy, but have the hard conversation, don't let her avoid it. Your wife seems to have a very non-confrontational nature based on what you're describing but there needs to be an arrangement you both can live with or one of you will resent the other.
cmitche_@reddit
Trade her in for younger model
islero_47@reddit
Probably couples counseling
If she has legitimate fear issues, she needs to deal with that
Your desire to be armed in order to protect your family from outside threats (others) is at odds with her desire to protect her family from inside threats (access to guns for inappropriate use)
Both of you want the same thing, but have irreconcilable methods of dealing with it: this can lead to unhealthy conflict
You probably won't be able to make her like guns or be okay with guns just by taking her to a range or signing her up for a CCW class; she has a principle-based opposition (whether it's rational or not)
Trying too hard to change her view could lead to resentment, as your efforts may be perceived as overbearing or dismissive of her feelings
But, she's your wife, not mine, so you know her better and I could be way off; I'm just advising based on general human nature and the info provided
Vinegar_Fingers@reddit
You could go over the usual talking points that you would have it secured in a safe where only you could access it. I think your bigger problem is the strong anti violence stance. Sure, you could use it defend your life and the lives of your family and be fully ok with it but, how will that change your marriage? Will she be able to cope with you taking a life? Even if justified? Maybe it wouldn't be justified in her mind. Especially if she's there to witness it, that will be incredibly traumatic if she's not prepared for it and/or it goes against her core beliefs. It probably wouldn't take much convincing to GET the gun, to me (not qualified in any way) the use of it sounds like it might be the talking point you need to really clarify and get concesus on.