I think I like being a foreigner

Posted by CanidPsychopomp@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 35 comments

Context: I now live in Spain, since 2018. I also lived here 2002-2015. 1994-1995 I lved in Chicago, 1997-1998 in Colombia and 2015-2018 in Boston. I was born in London but moved around the UK a lot. I have British and Irish nationality, though I've only spent a few months in 2024 living and working in Ireland.

I think Ia comfortable being a foreigner and I think there are benefits to being a foreigner in the place that you live. I was never 'from' anywhere as a kid and my parents and stepparents were never from the places we lived either. Theu do say immigrants' kids are more lively to migrate too. I can see that in my kids now. Maybe I'm just used to the sense of being slightly on the outside of the place I live in. I'm sure it also helps that I speak Spanish fluently and have never lived anywhere I dont speak the language, but it is kind of nice not to be expected to just know all the cultural rules and trivia, to be able to pick and choose to an extent. To feel less responsible for the ways in which a place is fucked up.

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Efficient_Science_47@reddit

I'm a middle aged man, spent the vast majority of my life living in foreign countries. I simply have no idea of what being a native feels like anymore, and being foreign is a major component of my personality. Wouldn't want it any other way.

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LuckyYellowCow@reddit

Exactly. When somebody calls me foreigner no matter what language even if meant to be "derogatory" I just say, yeap. I'm. Also, when people look at me weirdly when ordering weird food combo, I just smile "it's fine, I am foreigner" and they laugh. I moved back for a short period to my passport country, and I needed to leave. I missed foreigners too much lol. But saying that I do speak local language and love the culture. Just feels like I am just 1 leg in, not both 😉

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Efficient_Science_47@reddit

Had the same experience when I moved back to my birthday country. All my friends except one from childhood were all foreign.

Now I just laugh and make excuses for being foreign with a weird foreign name, weird and unique English (trilingual in English - American, British and foreign). And as I'm from a small country, I hardly ever meet people from where I come..and many I meet have only ever met me from the country, so making sure I leave a positive impression. But I'm far from normal Norwegian.

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LuckyYellowCow@reddit

I get it, I'm from small country too and very unsettled lol. I just say I am abroadien ;) and that's it 😉

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Efficient_Science_47@reddit

Culturally confused, but very diverse. If someone is too similar to me, I get annoyed. Can fit in anywhere. But not necessarily belong. I have very few people in my life who even come close to understanding this. We are a very unique and somewhat exotic breed I think.

I so often come across people who travel and think they have this, or those who were born and grew up outside their home country in a single country. But having always moved around since I was little, I honestly have little in common with these people. My idea of a great foreign holiday is going to any country where I have friends. Be that Kenya, Thailand, murica, Mexico, UK, UAE, Mozambique, or wherever. Or going to see family, currently spread across 4 countries, 3 continents. Always two languages in any conversation. 🤣

babijar@reddit

Exactly, that’s what I was thinking. Being a foreigner means usually having no responsibility. Pretty low tone of living, I would say.

Original_Musician161@reddit

The "not responsible for this place's problems" thing is real. when you're a local, those problems are somehow yours to fix. as a foreigner you can still care without carrying it. the downside is never fully belonging — but sounds like you made peace with that.

xo3srv@reddit

Look, I get where you're coming from but honestly? Being perpetually on the outside gets exhausting after a while. Sure there's freedom in it, but don't you ever crave actual belonging somewhere?

Fluffy_Fun_9814@reddit

I want to be like you. That definitely makes sense, I mived around a few times as a kid and am a comfortable nomad in my country but another country is different, especially with language barriers.

I'm comfortable with Canada and probably other English speaking countries but their too expensive.

It will get better, just don't try being perfect. Every new word you learn and able to use is a step forward ;).

Thank you 🙏

serrurier_paris_91@reddit

"Very helpful tip, thanks for sharing!"

Individual-Brief1116@reddit

I get this completely. Been in Germany for years now and there's something freeing about not being expected to know every cultural reference or unwritten rule. Plus when things go sideways politically or socially, you can observe from a bit of distance rather than feeling personally responsible for it all.

My ex wife is British, she kept making cultural references...had to remind her I was living in Africa with no real children's TV when I grew up and had no clue what she was talking about. Mostly as even she living close to me, kept forgetting I was foreign as I can assimilate to anywhere easily. Even here where I live now, my local friends who are all brown, Muslim, and entirely different to me - embrace me as their own. Can't believe I get away with the shit I say who h most provincial media will tell you will lead to a flogging at dawn.

palbuddy1234@reddit

Lol try Switzerland .... But it's the foreigners fault anyway

Defiant-Dare1223@reddit

I don't think the Swiss are especially like that. They are very pragmatic

I thought so until I started driving.

mikkogg@reddit

This sounds so much like me, but I just didn't come to the realization before moving back to my country of origin.

MyNutsAreWalnuts@reddit

Our lovely country is a night and day experience if you love back. I am committed to doing short trips to back home once in a while, but full blown relocation back is off the table for eternity.

After having done it three times :p

Yeee, Covid messed up my plans :P

Next stop will likely be London, but would like to return to the vicinity of CH too. How is CH treating you?

It does what it says on the tin.

Money at the cost of boredom. Opposite of London lol.

As a Finn that is perfect, I used to live close to Geneva and yearn for the mountains, but I feel like I still need to live a little.

jesava24@reddit

What a great post, thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts. I joined the Navy at 17 to rightly escape life and ended up getting a wanderlust bug in me that never went away. Many moons later and I was very fortunate to retire early and I’m finally getting back on my way to becoming an immigrant of the world.

During my service time, I was only able to visit Asia, Australia and the Persian gulf side of the globe and now I can’t wait to finally experience the European, Mediterranean and African side as slowly as I can.

Slowly exploring towns and villages to enjoy sunrises, sunsets, glass or two of Guinness, shot of vermouth or some tuba while exchanging stories with local folk and fellow traveler is what it’s all about.

Hope to see you all out there.

batikfins@reddit

I like being a foreigner because it camouflages my social deficits (autism)

MintInsel@reddit

I never thought this way, but you are so right😭

ultimomono@reddit

Similar. I care about the place where I live (also Spain for nearly 25 years) and other places where I spent significant time, but no one place has a mind lock on me. Also, Spain has changed so much from the early 2000s and 90s to now that it's pretty much a different place with a totally different zeitgeist

I went back to a big city in the US to the actual house where I spent nearly a decade of my younger life. I was there for a few months for the first time in decades and I felt like a time traveler. It was quite bizarre. By the end, it started to not feel totally foreign, but as soon as I got back to Spain, that highly charged awareness evaporated.

I was on the very margins in the place where I grew up because my family were outsiders, geographically and ethnically and that's kind of how I have rolled the rest of my life. I think it's actually a lot easier to integrate with that mentality. I just keep doing my thing as I did everywhere I've lived, find communities of like-minded people with the same interests and don't worry much about the mainstream culture if it doesn't align with my interests (most organized sports, for example).

My kid has zero interest in living where I grew up, could fit in there perfectly linguistically if he wanted, but doesn't want to at all. And now lives in another euro country doing a phd where he's adapting and learning.

CanidPsychopomp@reddit (OP)

I get that feeling like a time traveller thing. I spent a few months back in the UK and had that too.

You say that Spain has changed a lot since the 90s, which is interesting. What do you think the biggest changes have been?

Car12touche11blue@reddit

Very nice to hear this. Have the same feeling. Been our of my country of birth for more than 50 years. Moved around the globe and settled in different parts of the world , the latest in France. Speak quite a few languages and felt very much at home everywhere, but like you say still with this little bit of detachment.

livadeth@reddit

Your life sounds like mine. Moved around the US as a kid (dad transferred for work), lived in 6 cities. Kept the momentum going as an adult, 4 more US cities including Honolulu, and 4 countries. Back in the US for 15 years and dream of retiring abroad somewhere but can’t pick a place (lived in Asia for 13 years, Europe for 7). My heart is still in Spain. I always loved being a foreigner. Although I never became fluent in any of the languages (functional) I always made local friends and think of myself as a “good” expat. Immersed myself in local culture and customs, explored the countries and the food with respect. I think the anonymity of being a foreigner is attractive to me. Probably the same reason I love big cities.

KulshanStudios@reddit

Same

Personally, I find it amusing to be a vaguely Krameresque wacky foreign neighbor type character

Always have

Critical_Bluejay_919@reddit

Can relate. Lived in the US, Canada and the EU now. For some time I had regrets around moving about - But I mean in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter.

I agree, especially after living in China. You kind of get a foreigner free pass as when you really look at the culture it seems stifling with many obligations to family and your network. It's a really tough society and very competitive.

atchijov@reddit

I never had any attachment to random facts from my biography. And place of birth (from my point of view) is as random as it gets. I had no say in it. So it is unimportant.

I can rely to this ;). Although, my parents never moved even from the flat they bought when I was born and never even went for a holiday abroad, I have been on the move since Uni ;).