ULPT REQUEST Boyfriend cheated. can’t damage our apt or cars. Ideas?

I can’t imagine. Especially with spilled milk issues on top of human bodily leaks. My first apartment had an undefined odor by the time we moved out, it somehow never occurred to me to clean the breast milk spots out of the carpet when I shot it at my husband from across the room all those times. So I bet that was the whiff. 🤦‍♀️

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art_addict@reddit

I absolutely love my job! Despite some milk mishaps (lessons have been learned! My coteacher found the bag the offending towel was in, smelled it, and ran out of the room and vomited. Then she’s like, “Hey, art_addict, come smell this!” Like girl, I just watched you run and vomit! 🤣)

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Immediate_Editor_213@reddit

She_Devours@reddit

Ooh or mix random dead batteries in with the fresh ones so he never knows if changing the batteries will help.

Okay. Washing his cast iron may be over the line here. Pretty sure that is illegal, at least in the south.

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PrivilegeCheckmate@reddit

at least in the south

Yes, yes... Calm down. It's a joke. I jest. I joke.

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Phoebebee323@reddit

Every time I hear someone talk about not washing a seasoned pan I get flashbacks to a Reddit post on the wellthatsucks Reddit where they were upset their mom started washing his pan and ruined the seasoning on part of the pan.

Single for life right there.

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ellemace@reddit

My upvote made this to 666, I think we know who hangs out in this sub now 😈

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Elsie_the_LC@reddit

Everybody, it seems.

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xiginous@reddit

Add turn down the fridge temp so produce freezes.

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Unusualshrub003@reddit

Shorten a leg of the washer, so it keeps going off-balance.

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xiginous@reddit

Oh, you are good. I'm keeping this list for future use.

No remind me or update me nonsense.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

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masterstoker@reddit

This person revenges!

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Carcassfanivxx@reddit

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ScarInternational161@reddit

I've done almost all of these!! The best? Pee in the shampoo.

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deleted_by_reddit@reddit

[removed]

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AutoModerator@reddit

No remind me or update me nonsense.

I mean ..

Omg I love this one.

I have an ACTUAL night shifter I'd love to fuck with. Same deal. I don't want to actually harm him. But I do want to irritate the living shit out of him.

Thank you.

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hangrypiglet@reddit

Their “middle of the night” is probably during regular business hours though, at least that’s how it was for me

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Far-Spread-6108@reddit

Print on tag - Return for 1000USD reward. Print his name and address.

Then leave as many of the above in as mane different locations. Preferable the ones that need hours to drive.

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ramblingpariah@reddit

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that your boyfriend has an office chair or desk chair of some kind. It would be a shame if something like, say, a few little pieces of fish guts or maybe a couple sardines found their way up and inside that chair. Alternatively, get a syringe or eye dropper and squirt milk into the seams of the chair down where he won't notice that it's wet and the smell will have plenty of time to grow and mature.

The last thing you would want is for him to constantly be searching his gaming or office space for the source of a terrible smell and being unable to find it.

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Apprehensive-Wait783@reddit

Remove every other stitch in the crotch of every pair of shorts, pants, underwear, and in the toe and heel of the each sock.

Have a friend call (on Friday night so he can’t see the dr until Monday) from a number they don’t know informing them they are from the health dept and their name has been given from someone they’ve recently slept with had tested positive for an STI and he needs to be tested asap. He will be freaking out until Monday morning when he has to call his PCP asking for an appointment to get checked. Fingers crossed he has a high co-pay to see the dr

Mess with his YouTube algorithm

Does he watch a certain series on Netflix but hasn’t finished it yet? Play it until it gets halfway thru 2 or 3 episodes past where he stopped so he will be confused and wondering if he’s got memory issues since he didn’t remember that happening

Open up cheese wrappers and close them so they can still get exposed to air and turn bad

Lemon juice, lime juice, or hot sauce in all of his condiments.

Fill out online forms saying he’s interested in becoming a JV, LDS, Scientology. Also for realtors saying he’s interested in buying homes.

If he has plants- water them with heavily salted water

Take all the bread but leave the ends

Take the lightbulbs out of the fridge

Tiny little pinholes near the top of all plastic bottle drinks

Take all the soaps. I mean body wash, bar soap, laundry soap, hand soap, dish soap.

Labels off all canned goods and mix them up. Leave one or two cans of alpo. Is it corned beef hash or dog food the world will never know.

Replace his candy with the sugar free version. Have fun binge eating sugar free gummies bears (also take all toilet paper and dude wipes if you do this)

Change all shoe strings with shorter ones

Hide that thing that beeps every so often in a place he won’t think to look.

Bags of chips? Put a tiny hole in it. Stale chips are awful

All silverware gone except for one butterknife

Fine glitter in the toe of his shoes. He’s gonna take them off and track that shit everywhere

Replace all buttons on his shirts with either too big or too small of buttons.

Get those fake flies from the fishing aisle, put them in an ice cube tray and freeze. Then add to the ice dispenser. Surprise! Your Pepsi now has 6 flies in it

Fine glitter in his shampoo and/or conditioner

Replace sunblock with mayo.

Shorten one side of the beds legs just a tiny bit

Deer piss in his shampoo, conditioner, or body wash.

Hide “life everlasting” plants with a grow light in a closet and anonymously report it (only if it’s illegal in your state)

Go to a pet store and get feeder maggots (or place that sells fishing bait), put them on a plate/ box of his typical order from a fast food restaurant with some food under the couch where he sits so he thinks he sit it down on the ground when he was done eating and he caused them

If he games log on and sell all of his special armour. If he does Minecraft trap his people in the house and set it on fire

Self tanner in his lotion (beauty by earth self tanner has a lotion that’s white but trust me it leaves you tan)

Take all phone chargers

White vinegar in the milk (have fun eating your fruit loops with buttermilk!)

So you're going to need a bunch of cyanne pepper powder. Put it in the bottom of the oven. When he preheats, it's like pepper spray.

I learned this the hard way.

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Immediate_Editor_213@reddit

Does your ex own CDs or DVDs? Randomly switch every single one. My roommate and his friend did this to our third roommate as a prank in college. Was hilarious watching him open the first CD, think he’d misfiled it, open the second to swap it back, see yet a third CD … and then it slowly dawns on him …

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bilhugs@reddit

Fuck his mother

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EriTheFallen@reddit

If you really wanna drive him mad sprinkle some milk powder under the sofa. It'll go rancid and he'll lose his mind trying to figure out where the smell is coming from

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Award-Slight@reddit

Seam rip every third stitch on his favorite work pants/ jeans. Do it to his underwear too.

He will assume it’s a quality issue with his clothing and if you only do every few stitches they probably won’t rip until he’s in public.

If he has a backpack that he uses, rip a few stitches on the bottom too.

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john_the_fetch@reddit

It might be too late for this. But I've always wanted to do one of these chirping devices. However, you'd have to wait for an online order.

There's these things that chirp a high pitch noise at random intervals and at different frequencies.

When you're moving out you put them in the drywall somehow. Or into the ceiling. Someplace where it would be just annoying enough to notice but it's never on long enough to find.

If you know you'll gain access to the apartment again, I would see if you can place one.

Search for : Cricket Noise Maker Prank

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amazonchic2@reddit

Annoy - A - Tron! I love them. I got them for at work and had a blast annoying coworkers.

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artstaxmancometh@reddit

Oh, a couple more... The toe kick under most cabinets is either loose or there's a gap on the top edge, you could sneak one of these under the cabinets that way.

Never, ever, never ever take revenge. It's a form of suicide.

Get your dog, get the fuck out and move on.

That is all

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Ghost and never ever talk to him again. It's the hardest thing to do... but it hurts the most to other person.

Some people take pride in how they affect someone else with their actions. Its basically confirmation that they care a lot.

Interesting-Log-9627@reddit

If you want the toilet to constantly run just find the flexible black rubber tube that refills the bowl and runs from the fill valve to the overflow pipe.

Then remove the clip from the end that holds the tube above the overflow pipe and stuff the tube into the pipe so it is below the water level in the tank.

Get some fiberglass insulation and stuff the holes of the drum in the dryer. Also dust his underwear and socks with it but be careful it’s not too visible. Also works on a mattress and pillows and in shoes.

Dull the hell out of all the kitchen knives and use one to put tiny nicks in all the flatware on either the handle or head so it’s impossible to not notice but takes a while to get there.

If in a house, fuck with the sprinkler timers and thermostat. Namely by disconnecting a single wire inside. Repeat this process on any appliances he actually owns and is not renting.

Mix dry milk into laundry detergent. Like 1:1 mix or more. Feel free to add a healthy dusting of it to the inside of shoes, in couch cushions, hat sweatbands, gloves, sporting equipment. Anything that can get moist from use at some point in the future.

Cat piss can wreak havoc on a plant's health.

One does not simply cleanse the impurities from the plant that's already absorbed it... 😔

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susanrez@reddit

Take the plate out of the microwave. It’s annoying but petty enough that when he tries to complain he’ll look whiny and you won’t look like a monster.

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WhiteUniKnight@reddit

And/or alternatively: leave the plate in the freezer.

To go even further... use the plate to create piss disk. Once it's frozen, separate from the plate and prop it up on its side so the flat side faces forward. Place it precariously so that it falls out when the door is opened, and shatters at his feet. Then he has to pick up broken bits of pissdisk 🤗

Might be too far to prop up the whole plate... it could break and leave glass everywhere... then he'd be out of a microwave plate.

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Greenfireflygirl@reddit

Cut one button off each of his dress shirts. Undo the hem on one pant leg on each of his pants. Break the bottom tab off on the zippers of all his jackets. Cut his shoe laces in one spot on one of each of his shoes. Take all of the phone chargers. Take the hard drive from his computer but put it back together. Mix chocolate milk powder in the coffee. Put vanilla in the milk. Pour out half of the sugar, then pour in some salt and pour the sugar back on top. Cut a tiny hole with the can opener in any canned food. Break the seal on any beer or pop in the fridge but don't take the cap off all the way. Remove one page from any book he's reading or planning to read.

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fbi_does_not_warn@reddit

I liked all of these until "put chocolate milk powder in the coffee".

Princess_Zelda_Fitzg@reddit

Buy a buttload of generic keys and those keychains that say “if found, please contact (phone number)” and just leave them EVERYWHERE.

Get a bunch of crickets from a pet store- they sell them there as food for lizards and whatnot- and riiiiiight as you’re leaving for the last time, let them all loose inside his closet, under the bed, etc. He’ll eventually get rid of them all, but it’ll take awhile. In the meantime, he won’t be able to sleep, and they might even chew holes in some of his wool clothing.

3) I browsed a LOT of porn on his computer; not in incognito mode, and signed him up for free trials of every premium site I could find.

Buy fox pee or any other super strong animal fragance, something and let it soak on the mattress, pillows, sofa, carpet, etc

This person revenges ^^^

My sister helped me tie all my exes pants and shirts into knots, we were nice enough to wash them on hot and a nice hot dry after

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DudeWheresMyKitty@reddit

"Artie Sloannn! Tyin' yer shirts into knots!!"

Frank Reynolds,

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about97cats@reddit

There are spoof caller sites where you can enter a target phone number, enter their info and type in a message, and a bot will spam call the number and read out the message every time they answer. You can even specify the number you want the calls to appear to be from…

So imagine getting a call from your best friend, answering it and hearing… the Bee Movie script. You hang up, shaking your head in confusion, then mom calls and it’s the same thing. Then your dad. Then your siblings. And it just keeps going, and you can’t avoid it, because as soon as you hang up, another number calls… and calls… and calls… It goes on like that for hours, which become days, which turn into months. There’s no screening against random local numbers. You’re convinced you’ve angered the spirit of a screenwriter, who’s launched a hostile takeover of your phone number. So you get a new one and update everyone you know. There’s peace. You can work again. But then… you get a call from your best friend.

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OTF98121@reddit

There’s a little device they sell on Amazon that’ll beep randomly FOR THREE YEARS. Hide it somewhere he’ll never find, like under the fridge or in a light fixture. https://a.co/d/02boRFWj

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Asleep_Bid_3286@reddit

Take one of the pads off from the bottom of the kitchen tables and chairs. This will cause them to not be level. It's one of those annoyances that can go on for a while because it is still usable. Also take one screw out of the handles on your kitchen refrigerator. The key is to leave things still usable. You want it to be an annoyance every time they use them, but not quite annoying enough that they get around to fixing it right away. You want the momentary inconvenience to build up into a frustrating annoyance over time. I do want to stress though - do not mess with cooking appliances like the stove, oven, etc. This can create a safety hazard. We only want to be annoying here, not criminal. If you had the time though, I would have totally recommended some other annoyances such as a randomly chirping device hidden somewhere that just happens to also sound like the low battery warning for a smoke detector. We aren't messing with the actual smoke detector. We are just making it sound like the battery is always low even after they have just been replaced. They will find it after a while. Also works well with cricket noises spread out throughout the different rooms.

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nobody-u-heard-of@reddit

Just a little bit of itching powder in his underwear. He'll think he's caught something because he's always itching down there.

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tcmits1@reddit

Dont open yourself up to criminal harassment charges. Best case youd look at a restraining order and a record yiud carry aroubd as a domestic stalker.

Justincrediballs@reddit

My girlfriend said she heard to put frozen shrimp in the curtain rods so they slowly start to stink up the place. She mentioned glitter, I changed it to glitter in the drier, I feel it would take forever to work itself out and he'd look fresh from an 80's titty bar for a couple weeks.

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deleted_by_reddit@reddit

[removed]

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AutoModerator@reddit

Your comment has been removed for using a banned word or phrase.

Maybe some of the food in the fridge tastes really strongly of vinegar

Maybe his phone number gets in the hands of a lot of recruiters and the like.

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caitejane310@reddit

Take all his shoelaces and pour nail polish remover/alcohol in his shoes so they eventually separate from the soles 😂

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Witty-Kale-0202@reddit

Put shrimp inside the shower curtain rod and maybe 1-2 inside the heating vents in the living room. FOUL after a week or two and nearly impossible to find

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caffeinatedangel@reddit

Ok, not any suggestions because you got a lot - but since you are on the lease, be sure to take lots of pics of how you left everything and do a video walk through narrating the condition you’ve left the place in - just so he can’t damage anything and claim you did it!

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PassiveKiller@reddit

Just want to throw out that because you guys are still both on the lease he could get back at you and not pay the lease at all.

Small amounts of grass seed in the carpet pile.

Rub it in so it's invisible, and it'll eventually grow.

Bonus points if it's under the couch or bed, or somewhere that it won't be found for a long time.

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EM05L1C3@reddit

Take his phone number and email, and start signing up for mailing lists and coupons for places like target or Adam and Eve. Car dealerships. Anything really. Especially if it’ll be funny.

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ScarInternational161@reddit

Pee (or some other stinky nasty stuff) in the shampoo bottles and shake it up, same with conditioner, dish soap, laundry detergent, any liquid cleaning stuff.

Multiple sized women's underwater hidden in different places around the house (if he brings someone there, they will find them)

Any eggs in the fridge? Hard boil them and put them back.

A fine sprinkling of glitter on everything he owns. Every pocket. Every device. Every shoe. Do the doorknobs. Do his keyboard. Inside the pillowcase. The dishes. Buff chrome on the screens. Get fine and chunky.

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ziostraccette@reddit

Tell his mom and move on

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barra_giano@reddit

Delete all his cloud saves then factory reset his console.

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degeneratedass@reddit

I had an ex break every light bulb in the whole house. she also took or cut every power cable and everything that had any light . she knew I would be home late at light . my house was pitch black. no lights from anything. that definitely sucked.

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Does anyone at his place of work have a similar name/same last name?

An official-looking form-letter, informing the recipient that they have a collection of STI's, sent to A. Lastname, care of: Company Name. Maybe someone else opens his mail by accident?

It's important that you neither use your own printer(do not!), nor make physical contact with the letter & envelope(gloves!).

Ideally, if you have access to a large healthcare building, you could drop the sealed envelope in someone's outbox, that way it gets to the mail. A sick person might need to wear gloves and a mask to walk through a healthcare building.

Just in case, before you leave the apartment, ensure you have any info on him that you might not already: social security number, full name, date of birth, mother's maiden name, as many logins (user + password!), his phone numbers, his car's VIN, etc.—you can't find creative solutions without resources!

If there are tags/hashtags that are specific to his flavor of 'influencing', hijack them.

The client-facing phone number(s) should be kept busy—just in case, there's always Craigslist! You can make up an ad about anything! Leaking a bit of personal info could make the Craigslist calls more interesting for your ex!

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Worried-Amphibian154@reddit

Crying baby card hidden and taped somewhere, or cricket, or any / all of them from Joker Greeting. When you try to rip the card apart to make the noise stop it dumps glitter everywhere.

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Aerryth@reddit

Oooooo yea, you reminded me there’s random noise makers that chirp very occasionally. He’ll rip the house apart looking for it

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phome83@reddit

Go to grocery store and buy a few whole fresh fish.

At the apt open up a few of the floor vents and drop the fish in. Push them down the duct a little bit so they're not visible if he peaked inside.

nikitafemme@reddit

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Savings_Big1842@reddit

Bone one of his family members.

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AdventureThink@reddit

Just ghost 100%. Don’t discuss anything at all.

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Bitchee62@reddit

If he has any plants in pots, or a box, basket, or decorative container sitting around mix Limburger cheese, a small amount of milk and some lemon juice together and put drops of it in those items.

If you are feeling particularly vicious add a anchovy and blend it up then put drops on the back and tops of his curtains. In the vent of his vehicle if he has one that isn’t yours!!! This is a long term annoyance as the smell is slowly developing and particularly vile.

Since you don’t want any damage to the house don’t put it in the heating vents or roll it onto random walls behind things like the refrigerator

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Praydaythemice@reddit

Liquid ass in the vents

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coatloucue@reddit

chewbacca voiceover comptest via his phone number

Is this Genius?

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