US expat who has been living in Australia for 10 years, AU citizen now too. 45 years old. For 3 years, maybe longer, I've been unhappy. I'm at the point where I know something has to change (not just small changes but like, big changes), but I'm stuck with analysis paralysis because I feel as though it's too late in the game to make the "wrong" choice.

When I was younger this was a lot easier. When I lived in the US, I never lived in more than one state for longer than a few years after 18, often moving from place to place, town to town. And then I moved overseas to Sydney when I had the opportunity. I honestly thank my family and my ex, at the time, for being my cheerleaders to always follow my heart. They always reminded me that I could fall back on them if I needed to. As my ex always said, "everything is reversible."

Well, shortly after moving to Australia, my parents died, and my ex and I split soon after. And I've been struggling to figure out what to do next ever since, because most decisions--to buy property and dig my heels in, to move back to the US, to move to a different country--don't feel like they're reversible any more. Or rather, that I would have less time and less health to fix things if I messed something up.

Australia as a country has been good to me, especially through COVID, in terms of a healthy and safe environment. I'm even a citizen now. But I have struggled so hard to make and keep friends here (not for lack of trying). Most have been immigrants that have moved on to other countries, and every Australian friend I've made becomes a recluse as soon as they have kids (which 100% of them have done, I've yet to meet fellow childfree Aussies -- my hypothesis is that those who don't want kids move to other countries since Australia is so family-friendly). And if I'm honest, I find Australia too slow-paced/behind the zeitgeist for my taste. That's not a bad thing, if you want to raise a family this is the safest place to be, but I miss New York, Baltimore, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco, Seattle...or abroad I love cities like London, Tokyo, Berlin. I paint as a hobby and find it hard to get inspired here. I also find myself frustrated at how sometimes complacent the population can be, they seem to love to complain about protestors more than they actually do anything to push back against problematic issues here. I was excited by the Harbor Bridge protest turnout, but we seem to never protest for our own causes in such numbers (e.g. indigenous deaths in custody).

If I am honest with my heart: When I first moved here, I always intended it to be temporary with the idea that I'd go back to my family and friends in the US. But for obvious reasons (including: the US has changed and I no longer have the same friends and family) I can't really "go back" in the way I want. But it's what I want, to go back to that life.

I also have (thanks to working in both US and Australia and saving because I know that I have no family or partner to help any more) a decent amount of retirement savings scattered across different retirement accounts in the two countries, which is great and I'm not going to say it's a bad thing, except I feel extreme pressure to make the right choice in what I do next because of the tax consequences. There's a big risk of double-taxing with some of these which, when I add to concerns about my increasing age and associated difficulty getting a new job or maintaining good health, gives me a fear of not having enough funds to fall back on if I make the "wrong" choice.

After all this text (sorry, kind of needed to get this out!) I don't know if anyone has found themselves in this kind of analysis paralysis. I know what I'm looking for (assurance that I am making the right choice) cannot be found, so I wonder what others in my situation have done to get over the hurdle of making a big and meaningful change in light of uncertainty and probably some downsides? Thank you!