Hanging out in female pilot's hotel room
Posted by randomplease12345@reddit | flying | View on Reddit | 271 comments
Hey r/flying I had a question for the group I wanted to run by everyone.
I'm a female pilot and had a situation on a trip this weekend where the male pilot I was with kept angling to get into my hotel room. He requested to drop some items off initially, lingered a bit and looked around, then I went to the door to show him the way out. Later that night he requested we hang in my room and watch a movie. Tbh the requests kept throwing me off guard, so I said 'sure'. Hyper aware of his presence, he was just super comfortable like sitting on the bed before sitting on the couch. I just had an overall feeling like he was getting too close. When I stood up and said it was late and I wanted to go to bed, he said "no come on it's early" I pushed back "no im going to sleep".
This whole thing feels off and I've never had someone really need to be in my room let alone even ask. Male pilots out there, do you guys do this with your coworkers? Other guys that know him are saying "just his personality" and "he must not know boundaries". idk what to think and need a bit of advice or even a reality check about the situation.
Few_Party294@reddit
I’ll probably get downvoted for this but you asked for a reality check. I’m not sure if you’re just sheltered or something, but allowing a man that you barely know into your hotel room can be incredibly dangerous. There are no cameras; he could have easily assaulted you and it would have been easy for him to claim that you invited him into your room, twice! Knock it off. You know damn well why a man would want to hang out in your bedroom alone at night. Please wise up and protect yourself from these situations.
What I do to prevent these situations from happening to me: Meet coworkers in the lobby or by the elevators to exchange whatever items need exchanging. Say “no thanks I’m tired” when asked to hang out alone.
Never let anyone past your threshold. Be safe.
Practical-Plan-2560@reddit
I know I'm kinda nitpicking here. But I kinda disagree with this. "No" is a complete sentence. If you want to give a reason, that's fine. But you also aren't obligated to give a reason.
Overall, I agree with what you said. Setting boundaries is good. Put yourself first.
momsensical@reddit
But I think the tricky thing here, and I’m sure he did it on purpose, is the farce that he needs to drop stuff off in her room. That’s meant to sound like a practical favor for a coworker that isn’t threatening or sexual. (Assuming it made sense like if it was paperwork she needed to review or something) Unlike “can we have a drink” or “can we watch a movie.” It makes it seem innocent so she won’t say no outright if she’s not interested, giving him a chance to try to convince her once he’s in the room. It’s manipulative and causes her to let her guard down. Smart move on his part but very sketchy. I’ve fallen into this trap - when a guy who seemed innocent and was a friend of a friend had a good reason unrelated to hooking up to come in to my college dorm room. I really had no reason not to believe that was why he was there. Then dropped the false pretense once inside and I had to push him off and kick him out. It would have been easy to say “why did you let a guy in your room and not expect that” but I had guy friends in my room all the time to hang out or get stuff for a class or whatever. It’s just reality as a woman. Saying she shouldn’t have let him in is just victim-shaming.
Few_Party294@reddit
I agree that nobody owes anyone an explanation. But social etiquette is also a real thing. In a lot of normal human interactions, giving a quick reason is less about obligation and more about showing warmth and consideration.
If a coworker says “want to grab a drink?” or “Want to go check out the town?” and the response is just “no.” that can come off pretty rude, and if you’re going to be around that person for several days afterward, a simple “I’m wiped out tonight.” or “I’m gonna call my family and relax.” Maintains professional boundary while still being socially pleasant.
You absolutely can say no without an explanation. I just think there’s a difference between asserting a boundary and maintaining basic social rapport. But if the dude won’t leave your room, I absolutely support becoming straight up aggressive. Rabid even.
Routine_Song61@reddit
You're an incredible cultured gentleman. I salute you kind sir!
Practical-Plan-2560@reddit
Sure. But even: “I can’t tonight” is perfectly acceptable. The reason why “No” would have worked in this case however is that he was clearly being very pushy, and seems like the type who couldn’t take no for an answer. Being firm and direct can sometimes be the only course of action in those situations.
But there are so many minor social pieces that we can’t pickup from a Reddit post. The OP is the only one who can read those social signals and respond appropriately.
Sometimes being direct is the only option. But I’m all for being respectful and nice while still setting firm boundaries. There is a way to do both. In this case my interpretation of OPs post is just that he wouldn’t take no for an answer so you have to be more firm.
StatusNew3162@reddit
This is probably the realist and most honest response. Yes, the guy was in the wrong but after it feeling off the first time…. OP did it again by inviting him back in…..
I feel sorry OP experienced this but hopefully its a lesson learned.
(I feel like you are a dad by the way).
Few_Party294@reddit
I am indeed a dad, haha.
bacchus_the_wino@reddit
Haha, “wise up” was a dead giveaway.
CessnaMir@reddit
This response is absolutely perfect. I'm a female pilot and cannot thank you enough for saying this and potentially helping a lot of younger women realize what is happening before it happens.
LSupplier@reddit
This comment right here. Just graduated from college 2 years ago and it feels like every girl I’ve met from high school to college needs to hear this.
capn_davey@reddit
I’m with you. Also, report to your company. I manage a (small) department and if anyone ever felt uncomfortable with another crew member I’d both want to know immediately and probably need HR to hold me back. Flying planes is an awesome job but it’s still a job. And the standards of how you should act at work absolutely still apply.
aw_shux@reddit
Exactly. If his friends are saying, “he must not know boundaries,” it’s time to teach him some.
mirassou3416@reddit
You're second guessing what you already knew beforehand. It was off-putting and you won't do that again. It doesn't matter that this may be his personality. If you don't want to engage like that then don't even give an inch to him or anyone else. Sometimes you have to be matter-of-fact or rude to get the point across
randomplease12345@reddit (OP)
You're right I'm second guessing it. I initially felt pretty sure that this was weird after getting home from my trip yesterday.
After he left my room, I called my husband (who this pilot knew about) and talked it through with him. He thought it was pretty strange/creepy. However, after talking with other coworkers, they weren't as concerned.
I'm a corporate pilot and we have a culture of all doing things together, but after reading everyone's responses I'm feeling more confident that this was a line crossed. I'm thinking now the only recourse is HR.
Routine_Song61@reddit
Please don't talk with HR before you've talked it out with him first. You're both adults and just letting him know how you feel about this incident can solve this issue forever. You're a married woman and YOU agreed to watch a movie in your room. What did your husband say about that? That you are a creep too for accepting him in your room to do an activity that is universally known as something mostly people with romantic interest do? For a lot of men, this kind of invite is a green light to take things further. He has the right to try to seduce you, and you have the right to say a clear 'no' or to give in to his intentions. Now it's on you to make very clear that you are indeed married and you have no such interest in him. That's all. No need to potentially ruin both your careers about a misunderstanding.
dash_trash@reddit
You're going to call HR because... You accepted an invitation to hang out in the guy's room after multiple opportunities to decline and then left when you were done?
You are an adult, you have agency, and it sounds like he didn't even really pressure you at all. HR might be a step to take AFTER you've tried just saying no or not opening the door or going to his room. It sounds like it was exactly that easy in this scenario.
brucebrowde@reddit
Is it worth notifying HR just to get them aware, i.e. for future record? Perhaps another colleague gets the same treatment and this chain of behavior can make it easier to prove things or something of sorts?
Bunslow@reddit
corporate pilot might make it different than 121 pilot, and make no mistake, the vast, vast majority of these are 121 responses you've gotten.
that said, i still struggle to imagine a corporate world where this is acceptable. it is completely unacceptable, full stop. when you're on the job, your room is yours, full stop.
(and, to be clear, communication is crucial, crucial crucial. you have to actually say "no", no matter how scared/surprised you are to say it. if you don't say "no", a million other cans of worms open.)
BigBadPanda@reddit
He’s trying to bang you. “No” is a complete sentence.
impy695@reddit
And ignoring "No" even once is unacceptable. Asking a second time and then accepting the answer is one too many times
coolborder@reddit
Yeah, for sure. I'd say if anything like this happens again then let HR know.
That said, I'm not a woman. Might be better off reporting right away. I've never had to deal with this sort of thing. If he did this with you how many other female pilots is he going to keep doing this with and getting away with it?
HeadAche2012@reddit
It's legal to murder them and their family if they ask to watch a movie. HR will just fire them, which isn't enough punishment for asking to watch a movie once
sex is illegal
momsensical@reddit
This is a really tricky thing we deal with as women - obviously you want to report it, but in reality that is really hard to do… especially male-dominated professions, we don’t want to become the troublemaker that the guys all use as an example of why we shouldn’t be in the business, we fear retaliation, or we don’t think anyone will believe us. Sometimes we just make the decision that it’s best to forget about it if a good outcome isn’t likely. It really sucks and unfortunately unless we know for a fact he’s doing it to others we’re not likely to do anything. (Not to give men a green light to do it - you still could pick the woman who’s going to run your career over it.)
impy695@reddit
I'm not a woman either, but I used to own a business and I absolutely would want to know as soon as possible to fix it. This is the kind of thing where if she called at like 8pm about it, I'd deal with it immediately in some way.
leftrightrudderstick@reddit
Honestly if the captain is the one asking then even asking is 100% unacceptable.
PlaneShenaniganz@reddit
Male pilot here who has been in the business a long time.
I understand you wanting to give your male coworker the benefit of the doubt - whether because of the presumptive deep professional bond between professional aviators who share a very high-responsibility job, or to not degrade synergy/CRM at work, or even not knowing how or wanting to say "no," etc. It is not your fault for allowing him into your room and being put into that situation, so don't blame yourself for that.
I'm sorry if this makes you feel gross or icky, but he was 100% trying to hook up with you, and it really is that simple. Other people are offering excuses to help him save face, but he is both socially uncalibrated and trying to sleep with you. Sorry to put it so blatantly, but it really is that black and white.
In the future, offer to pick up the items at the van the following morning, or to meet your coworker at the lobby bar/restaurant to pick them up. You can always use "I'd love to hang out, but I need to get some sleep/make a few phone calls/(whatever other excuse you'd like)."
I'm sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately, not all professional pilots are as professional as we hope they would be.
djfl@reddit
Hi there. Man here. He wants to sleep with you. If you want to sleep with him, great! If you don't, then you need to be clear with him. No body language, no hints, no verbal gymnastics. Direct and to the point. You can be polite and kind, while also being direct. I promise you this is the best way. There are all kinds of things you can say. "I'm not comfortable with you being in my room." "This is my room, and I'd like to be alone please." "I'm feeling uncomfortable right now. I'm not attracted to you." "You're crossing my boundaries. I'd like you to leave please. I'm not interested in you."
And if he pushes any further beyond one, mayyyybe two of those, then get angry and firmer. And if he still pushes at all, call the front desk, call nearby coworkers, etc and file a report with the company.
Tell your girlfriends what I said too. Men are pretty simple. We understand "no", and indeed it's the only thing many of us understand. The men who don't care about "no"? They're a big problem and you need to not be around them. But Jesus Christ be crystal clear, and don't hesitate to get angry and aggressive if you need to. And if worst comes to worst, scream like you've never screamed before. As loud as you can "HELP HELP HELP!"
But don't just take it, don't say "sure", don't hope he'll get hints. Many men don't get hints. I've missed a ton of hints over the years, both good and bad. It's not my fault. I'm dumb. But I understand "no".
DrWhiskerson@reddit
You gave mixed signals saying yes to the movie. He wanted to have sex for sure
rotardy@reddit
Hotel rooms are for fucking and sleeping.
Don’t let anyone in your room unless you want to do one or both.
TopTop5370@reddit
Good response. This is my train of thought to. She should have never let him in the room at all
momsensical@reddit
Easy to say, but depending on the situation it could seem like the right thing to do. If a coworker is asking to leave stuff in your room for some legit reason, it’s not the same as “so can I come back to your hotel room?” After he dropped it off she showed him to the door, she wasn’t like, “well… while you’re here why don’t you have a drink…” then once he’s in there and not taking the hint to leave it’s not like “well just tell him to get out…” it can be uncomfortable or even scary if you’re not sure what he’s going to do, and if we get mean and demand he leave when he wasn’t technically doing anything wrong then we’re a “bitch.”
Hiddencamper@reddit
….. you’ve never filled the bathtub up with ice and had a college drinking party in a hotel room?
If there’s no ice in the bathtub then I agree with you : )
rotardy@reddit
Nope. Although those type of layovers generate great stories for the rest of us on the line.
Kemerd@reddit
100% needs to be told no, I’m not sure why you’d let him in at all, unless you’re very naive. Some people just haven’t encountered people trying to sleep with them before I suppose..
Taste_My_Noodle@reddit
Dude is a creep. You hang at the bar, not in somebody’s room.
MiniTab@reddit
Holy crap yes. 15 years of 121 flying, that situation is ABNORMAL and in the red tabs.
randomplease12345@reddit (OP)
That's relieving to hear so many people find this abnormal. I've also never had a coworker ask to come to my room before. And tbh, after the fact I was kicking myself for not putting up stronger boundaries.
I had a situation in the past when a male pilot essentially came on to me and I put down a pretty firm boundary. The next day flying together was perhaps the worst CRM experience I've ever had.
He also kept mentioning a previous trip he was on and they all watched movies together in the evenings. I kept undercutting my intuition that this was weird by making excuses for him and also having to be in a cockpit together making decisions the next day.
zangler@reddit
This is called gaslighting...don't put up with it. You are 1 on 1 with any male ONLY whenever it is your choice. Anything else becomes a call to whomever until they leave.
KITTYONFYRE@reddit
it isn't gaslighting if this guy actually watched movies together with coworkers in the evening and talked about it with OP lol.
it sounds like this dude is definitely being weird. pilots with poor social skills, who'd have guessed. I could also see a weird dude being attracted to someone and thinking they're getting green lights when they aren't, and from what the OP's said, seems like maybe they weren't giving off the vibe they thought they were.
but it's really hard to make any determination over text, and I really don't want to victim blame here. it seems like a situation where OP has a weird coworker, but maybe I could see a contributing factor of "unclear communication" or something from OP that did not help.
I don't think reporting this guy to HR is the right move unless there was a firm and clear "no" and then lines were still crossed
momsensical@reddit
This makes me wonder, as pilots, is there some recourse if you’re paired with a copilot that you have some negative history with or some reason you’re not comfortable working together? An anonymous reporting system or something? Seems like a safety issue to have people flying together who have a reason not to get along. Now I’m imagining things like “he can’t handle a woman as captain” or “he slept with my wife,” or worse like this or a sexual assault or something…
twolfhawk@reddit
Report him to HR. Do not fall for this line of male bullshit. If he can't sperate the job and after hours or take no for an answer he dosent belong on a flight deck.
MiniTab@reddit
Yikes. I’m sorry, and I don’t envy you ladies in this profession. There’s a lot of good guys I think, but the fact that you’ve had to deal with this multiple times in this day and age is troubling.
randomplease12345@reddit (OP)
Thank you - there definitely are a lot of amazing and respectful male pilots out there that I believe are the majority. I think this was a reminder that I haven't had to put a guard up at my current company because of how great everyone else has been and how much trust there is.
navyaircrewman@reddit
Sadly when some people act like this, this is what makes others become slam-clickers.
Glad it worked out ok but I’ve been in a similar situation with a crewmember who was very intoxicated and I ended up getting her back to hers before I went back to mine.
No judgment either way on what others do, I always trusted my gut. Your gut keeps you out of trouble.
Gratzsner@reddit
I wouldn’t go so far as label the guy a creep, he’s just trying to make some moves and obviously fancies the OP. OP just has to be clear he’s permanently in the friend-zone.
cfbillings@reddit
I agree it's such Reddit thing to dogpile on the guy for being a weirdo. He shot his shot and she should have rejected him more firmly. Letting him in at all was sending a signal that she was interested.
All that said I don't it was correct for him to be asking at all in that kind of a situation. This is one of those somewhat simple social interactions they get blown way out of proportion on reddit.
Why-R-People-So-Dumb@reddit
I agree with your first sentence but no is a clear signal and anything else is also not a yes, which is a clear signal. There is no reason to be more firm than not yes. "Sending signals" isnt a thing, is what people say to victim shame and blame the woman who find themselves in these situations.
One thing about the concept of being firmer is that you clearly don't understand the position a woman is in, the man has a position of power and they have been taught since they are young to appease and avoid conflict - don't poke the bear. That's why you get the advice in areas with violent muggings to carry a separate money clip and throw it one way and run the other...you going to stand up to someone with a gun or knife in your face? If you do, you are dumb over material posestions...woman face that risk without a gun or knife involved.
My wife is quite fit and puts a lot more effort in strength training than I do, I can still restrain her long enough if I wanted to do harm. It's always the responsibility of the person in power to diffuse the situation and hand that power over to others, not push boundaries and expect a firmer no while reading into "signals."
momsensical@reddit
💯 this
cfbillings@reddit
I mean what you're saying is also fair. So few things are ever truly binary so much like everything else in this world the contents of this Post falls somewhere on a spectrum.
New_Penalty9742@reddit
I agree with your first sentence and most of the rest of your sentences too, but not this one. Just the other day, I was talking to a female friend who had told a guy "no" and was frustrated that he had missed positive signals that she thought were obvious. I think most straight men have been in that guy's shoes, and I've even had someone question my masculinity for "giving up" after getting an explicit "no". So this is a thing straight men do have to navigate even if they're well-meaning, though it's also a thing they can exploit if they're not.
For me, the real red flag in OP's story is that it doesn't sound like this guy was actually trying to be on the same page with her. Particularly the bit about asking to store things in her room sounds really sketchy to me. It sounds like he was using it as a pretext for getting into her room, not a coded message he was actually expecting her to decode. I would never ever ever say "can I store stuff in your room?" to mean "wanna fuck?" unless we'd been mutually escalating the flirting to the point that she would know exactly what I meant.
momsensical@reddit
Yeah having been in similar situations, there are definitely times where the hotel room is the only real option for hanging out and it’s someone you know as a friend… and some hotel rooms have a living room-type area so it’s not like you’re inviting them to your bedroom, if you’re in some dive town with a coworker with nowhere to go it could be innocent. But you definitely have to be aware of the connotations of “can I come back to your hotel room.” It’s easy to say “just don’t do it” but it can be a tricky situation to navigate especially if the guy is your superior, friend of a friend, etc.
Then_Artichoke4790@reddit
This is OPs work. Dude is deliberately not taking the hint and closer to a rapist than a friend when really he needs to be a fucking professional coworker.
Gratzsner@reddit
It’s best not to communicate in these type of scenarios with “hints”. The guy asked to come watch late night movies in her hotel room and she said yes…
Routine_Song61@reddit
Exactly. Djeezes, why do we need to make every guy who is overly flirty a creep. Just say a clear 'no, i'm not interested' and most guys will back off. If he doesn't you could indeed label him a creep.
flyemerica@reddit
I have never been alone in a female pilots, or Flight Attendants, room and have been flying professionally for 15 years. This is wild!
I’ll throw in the caveat that room parties are a thing at some airlines and groups of people in one room isn’t unheard of. Never one on one though
Impossible-Meet1724@reddit
That's tragic
CessnaMir@reddit
Yeah. From a female pilot perspective, group thing is not weird. A one-on-one hotel room hang is a Netflix and chill situation.
I have done a lot of group hangs with colleagues. But everyone goes to bed in their own rooms and there's never 2 people left together, at least not men/women from my experience.
Wingmaniac@reddit
Yeah room parties were definitely a thing at my airline, much less so these days. But as a male pilot I always made sure I wasn't the first to arrive or the last to leave.
22Hoofhearted@reddit
Trying to smash doesn't make you a creep
coolborder@reddit
When she says no or is clearly uncomfortable and you keep trying them it absolutely makes you a creep.
Also, trying to smash a coworker in the type of environment where the two of you are responsible for the safety of your passengers and bad blood between the two of you could jeopardize that safety it's just an idiotic move.
22Hoofhearted@reddit
This sounds like nothing more than one person not being able to read the room... re-reading it, it looks as though he left when she said "no, I'm going to bed..." 🤷... question asked and answered and he left... the only reason his statements are even being discussed here is because she didn't find him attractive.
Pretty cut and dry.
blueBaggins1@reddit
He clearly likes her that doesnt mean hes a creep. Though he is unprofessional
Mundane-Reality-7770@reddit
What about the in room mini bar?
But yeah. Creep.
HanaIea@reddit
The only coworker I’ve ever let in my hotel room on overnights was when I was an FO. It was my captain, who is my blood sister lol. I don’t even hang out with my coworkers in my room who I’m friends with outside of work (visited/slept in my apartment). They have never suggested that either. We always meet downstairs. Dudes a fucking creep. I’m sorry he acted that way towards you. If you need to, if potential conflict makes you uncomfortable, “I’m tired” is a great way to get out of things. “I need to unwind and have some alone time” is also a good option if you don’t want to be in your hotel room.
swakid8@reddit
No…. Absolutely not. That’s not appropriate one.
Routine_Song61@reddit
He is a male, you're a female.
He is obviously straight and has (sexual) interest in you.
You obviously don't have that kind of interest in him, so you need to communicate that very clear to him.
If he still doesn't take the hint, you take things further with your company or in extreme cases law enforcement.
Simple as that!
You give the impression that you have no clue what his intentions are, but I think you, me and everyone here knows exactly what he wants from you. Tell him straight up you only want a professional relationship and I'm sure in most cases flirty men will back off.
slidellian@reddit
I’d encourage you to report it to HR. You aren’t the first person he’s done this to, and you won’t be the last. But please consider helping your female colleagues by turning him in. Also, you don’t want him to catch wind that something’s up (like reading this post) and report you first.
I’m glad you kept your wits about you. Be safe.
Total_Midwit_Death@reddit
lmao, dude clearly wanted to smash... the reason why you didn't pick up on it is obvious. just say "no thanks" next time.
momsensical@reddit
Not a pilot but as a woman this just sounds like him trying to get some. It might feel easier to just say “ok fine” but learned in college you should never negotiate on the word “no” - if you give in once, “no” loses power and he won’t accept that as an answer on anything else. Don’t be afraid to say no to hanging out alone in your hotel room with someone you’re not interested in - a guy who’s not trying to hit on you would invite you to go to the hotel bar or something.
BroomstickBiplane@reddit
I’m a male survey pilot, and on the road for 1-2 weeks at a time with another pilot. I’ve never gone to anyone else’s room, except to exchange rental car keys. I can’t fathom asking to hang out in someone’s room one on one, and as a married man I wouldn’t hang out in a female’s room even if invited.
Want to hang out? Sure, I’m down to go do just about anything. But to me my hotel room is like my bedroom at home, and not even my friends have a reason to be in there.
N314ER@reddit
I’m really struggling to comprehend how you made it to your position without knowing how to handle this situation.
denmark219@reddit
Not a pilot, but travel with coworkers frequently, this is creepy. He’s looking for something and this is entirely inappropriate. Maybe if you two hit it off at the bar or something, as long as you’re both single, maybe. But to talk his way into your hotel room. No thank you. I’m a guy btw so TIFWIW.
nothimwhy@reddit
Uhh no that’s not normal, that’s fucking weird. Not to give you a hard time but please don’t ever feel pressured into letting people into your room, for your own safety.
If you’re at a 121 I’d talk to Pro Stans and let them have a word with him.
flying_penguin104@reddit
His intentions are exactly what you think they are
Prof_Slappopotamus@reddit
He's trying to hook up with you. And has absolutely zero sense of it.
You did good holding your line, I would recommend talking to professional standards (if you have that committee) about it. As of now, he hasn't crossed the line from "general creep" to "Call HR", but he's angling really damn close to it in my (male) opinion.
You're absolutely in the right if you choose to call HR as well. That's a personal line for you, and if you felt he stepped over it, that's the end of the discussion. We don't want people that are going to put pressure on any of our coworkers like this.
Barring that, room parties are some of the most fun I've ever had, but it was always with more than 2 of us. That tends to keep everyone honest, and if there's some awkwardness about feelings not being reflected back, there's a witness to prevent any serious "misunderstandings".
randomplease12345@reddit (OP)
It's just so weird since he has met my husband in passing before, and I was speaking very highly of my husband on this trip/in general. Looking back, I really don't see how I could have given an impression I was interested. I'm sure some people take general friendliness as interest though.
We don't have a professional standards in our department. Instead, I do think this is a call to HR. I mentioned in a previous comment a flight attendant had some uncomfortable experiences with him. I just worry for other women who join the department in the future since there seems to be multiple issues now.
Prof_Slappopotamus@reddit
Yea, I'm usually on the side of trying to protect each other first, but if this is a pattern, it's a problem. He could just be your typical spectral pilot that thinks what he's saying is harmless and funny in a risque sense, but the constant pressure to get into your room and an FA saying the same thing....yea, he's gonna need a serious talking to. I'm glad he didn't push it into the physical realm, but I feel like that's where it's headed if he gets someone that isn't strong enough to say no.
dudeman618@reddit
Just think if the flight crew saw him coming out of your room, even if nothing happened between you two. He's being a creep.
BuzzTheTower12@reddit
He’s 100% trying to crush. There’s no such thing as a friendly movie night in a hotel room
Metharlin@reddit
It may be "his personality", but it's not cool, not normal, and he should stop.
I have walked female flight attendants to their room before if the hotel was a little sketchy, but only after they said they wanted me to, and even then, I have never been alone in a female crewmember's room.
Chewy-Seneca@reddit
Thats weird, unless yall are really good friends and are chill
randomplease12345@reddit (OP)
It was only my second time flying with him
Chewy-Seneca@reddit
Yeah thatd be like a female coworker inviting me to her room to hang out on the 2nd day of work, like no thanks we can go grab a beer and yap or something somewhere else, thanks
C_Saunders@reddit
Oh girl, I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. And I’m sorry for some of the real ignorant comments here.
I’m not a pilot but I’ve been in similar situations because I’m a woman living on this earth. Just here to say stay safe out there and keep trusting your gut. ❤️
randomplease12345@reddit (OP)
Thank you for saying that! Like you said, I think this experience is further proving I need to listen to my gut... rather than continue undermining it.
SparkySpecter@reddit
Just say no and don’t invite him in. Escalate to the company if he doesn’t listen. People are weird.
f1racer328@reddit
Pro standards if that’s an option at your company.
theshenz@reddit
Pro stands doesn’t touch harassment like this. Directly to the HR via a reporting system if one exists.
f1racer328@reddit
That's probably airline dependent. If they don't, they are still a good point of contact on who to go to next.
cherrymitten@reddit
I’ve had this issue at more than one airline and they took care of it but that being said yes they can guide on next steps
cherrymitten@reddit
Yes they will. Ask me how I know…. I’ve been on the receiving end of it more than once. They will give OP the option to go to HR though when something is this egregious.
mild-blue-yonder@reddit
You might want to clarify whether you were on the receiving end of creepy behavior or the receiving end of Pro Standards’s wrath.
Scott2G@reddit
Was the pilot's name Owen Leipelt?
flyinBeech@reddit
Owen ain’t 40 lol
He’s got a smoking hot GF. That FA had a history of false accusations and that lawsuit got tossed.
nzavaiator@reddit
Sadly welcome to aviation where the creepy arse male pilots being creeps to all women. I've heard stories of men climbing the outsides of hotels to get into cabin crews rooms. Report his arse. The moment it went from you welcoming him in to you saying time to go and him pushing back on it means it is a reportable offence most airlines take it super fucking seriously as they should.
Avi8tor_Zeus@reddit
Male pilot to female pilot… trust your instincts. Create boundaries early. I treat all female pilots as a coworker and fellow Captain/pilot. I always invite to eat and dinner otherwise I will read a book and watch a show by myself- NEVER to your room! I know BF and GF’s flying together that will grab separate rooms to get a goods nights rest.
This career has bad ones and good ones just like any other profession. “No means no.” There is actually some decent male pilots out here don’t let the few ruin your flying with the rest of us.
Soft-Employment-2244@reddit
Sounds like a small corporate flight unit. At least document the event to a manager/owener. Mention professsional standards and CRM and I dont cross the line due to CRM concerns for crew cargo and passengers. Put it to bed. And adopt a No no attitude. Worst case is you get labelled as frigid or asexual. Cheaper than changing carriers
mistertheory@reddit
Nope, don't allow this. Shut it down. Immediately.
Being_a_Mitch@reddit
Dude was trying to bang. 100%. What did you expect though? You invited him into your hotel room. Don't do that if that's not what you intended. Sleeping and fucking are the only two things a hotel room is for.
If he was a superior and tried to insenuate that you needed to do that, that's a much bigger and different issue.
Soft-Employment-2244@reddit
Practice in front of a mirror. Too many " people pleaser" wont say no and allow a bad position to fester.
There are some Male male gay instances too. Sometimes its better to act like you are non sexual or a sexual rather than "i am tired" which is code for "next time -i am ready!
Hugehitter@reddit
You are expected to be a professional in your occupation. You know the answers to all of your questions. No need to seek guidance through this website. Report…
Historical-Pin1069@reddit
reddit age 0 days lol
GayNgsFromOuterSpace@reddit
Yeah sounds like some feminist trying to stir up the pot tbh
Flimsy-Ad-858@reddit
Wouldn't you want to potentially remain anonymous for a post like this?
Soft-Employment-2244@reddit
Since its not a 121 carrier and you are corporate it is even MORE important that you respect No for CRM reasons. If you treat this like a teenager and let it ride as just exercise or a sleep aid. Your passengers and gen public may pay the price when next CRM does not work in the flight deck. Dont screw the crew.
Guam671Bay@reddit
And to think the tradition was captains at my regional did room safety check for FA…🤣
Several-Village5814@reddit
That shit is so dumb, do they really still do that?
Guam671Bay@reddit
Long gone. Been over 20 years.
GayNgsFromOuterSpace@reddit
No... Apparently it's still a thing because goof balls in here comment about how they do it. Sort by new.
Status_Climate_6860@reddit
Dude definately wanted to get some. Report him to HR.
Soft-Employment-2244@reddit
Are you both under 30? My military pilot friends who are 121 captains studiously avoid weather and tight scheduling that requires difficult scheduled.,,,Quote. One way or another at least twice a year sex gets used as a sleep aid with impossible schedules. "
One former c141 captain only works relief captain wont do intl wont bid into the snow belt. Only flys boeing products "because i love my wife". 20 years USAFR and 20 years 121.
randomplease12345@reddit (OP)
I'm 30 and he's 40
Various_Gain49@reddit
I’m going to go out on a limb here. The big reveal. He likes you. more than friends.
GayNgsFromOuterSpace@reddit
And he wanna smash
Soft-Employment-2244@reddit
cRM is tough enough without adding sex. Tell him off and on next bid use the "no pairing" option.
blanc84gn@reddit
This is your job not a friendship. Tell the dude to gtfo.
house3331@reddit
Pretty straightforward
RGN_Preacher@reddit
When you’re part 91 or at a small 135 and you fly with the same people all the time and you don’t have an early report time?
Sure, I’ve hung out with coworkers in their hotel room and had drinks, played video games, or shot the shit but if they asked me to leave to get some sleep that would be a wrap. If you’re 121 with a random person - ehhhhhhhhh I don’t think so.
GayNgsFromOuterSpace@reddit
That's a you problem. What do you expect being in a hotel to "Netflix and chill" with the opposite gender? Play dominos?
You accepted him in. Any sane and normal person with average intelligence can infer it means sex.
You created this situation for yourself.
PieMan2k@reddit
Dude was trying to get in your pants.
Flyguy115@reddit
The only reason to go into a female’s room is I’ve always been the one to look out for female crew and inspect the room to make sure there is nothing wrong or no one is in the room. Someone crawling through an unsecured window has happened before at my old company and I’ve been told about people hiding in hotel rooms. Other than that even if I was invited I would feel awkward specially if it’s just the two of us. If I want to hang out I would see if they want to meet up for lunch, dinner, public activities like the pool, beach, or exploring.
We are professionals so just have a serious conversation with that pilot and let him know you did not feel comfortable with him inviting himself to your room and then not leaving the first time you told him it was late and you were tired.
After you have this conversation with the other pilot see how this go from there if his behavior continues talk to your chief pilot. Also somewhere while it fresh in your mind write down the details of what occurred (dates, times, locations) for your future records.
The last thing is you’re a pilot and as a pilot you need to develop the ability to call some out that is doing something wrong no matter what someone else says or disagrees with. The word “No” is a complete sentence and doesn’t need an explanation.
theshenz@reddit
If you are at an airline, they all have high level reporting programs for this type of conduct that goes directly to HR. If you felt this escalated to Se* Harassment levels, that is the route to go to report it. At American Airlines and their wholly owned’s, it’s called Ethics Point. No one should have colleagues treating them like this, especially in a career where we spend lots of time 1 on 1 with someone else.
Flimsy-Ad-858@reddit
This is reddit, you don't have to censor yourself for the 11 year olds
JewofTVC1986@reddit
Pro Standards NOW!!!
orion099@reddit
I’m a Captain at a Major Legacy and I would never ever do any of what you listed unless then purpose was to have sexual interest. This is fucked on so many levels.
vagasportauthority@reddit
Yikes, this guy is HR’s worst nightmare. If you feel uncomfortable feel free to ask him to stay far away from your hotel room.
Hell, if you can put him on your no fly list.
coneross@reddit
I don't know his intentions, but guys don't "get" hints. If you want him to leave, tell him to leave.
Anthem00@reddit
This has very little to do with pilots per se but just people traveling and the male female dynamic
andrewrbat@reddit
I have never been in another pilot’s room… eew
Talk to him about it and call pro standards if you felt it was too far.
underdog5891@reddit
I buddy bid with my best friend on this planet. I haven’t spent more than 7 minutes total, in two years of flying together, in either his or my hotel room. That was strange and frankly inappropriate of your coworker. We live half our month in hotel rooms, it’s your private space. I’ve spent 12 hours sitting two feet away from you, you’re not coming into my personal space. I’m not inviting you over to my house at the end of a trip. You’re not welcome in my hotel room. Sorry. Anyone who doesn’t understand that is lying and angling towards something that you clearly don’t want. End of rant. I’m sorry you experienced that.
newguestuser@reddit
You've only spent 7 minutes in your own hotel room? /s
cherrymitten@reddit
Prostans call immediately and then bid avoid. I’ve had similar issues where someone was pushing to come in to my room / following me around on a layover. Unfortunately you need to get really comfortable with telling someone “absolutely not.” It can be very difficult because you start to feel so weird when they keep pushing. I freeze in these awkward situations so I’ve been practicing “canned” responses to have at the ready when it comes up
Inner_Astronomer_287@reddit
Pro Stan call
docspoolroom@reddit
First piece of advice. Don’t let some stranger into your room. He sounds like a scumbag tbh
Significant-Visit-68@reddit
Got time to remind women of all professions, honor your gut. This was a huge nope nope all the way.
lnxguy@reddit
Don't let that happen again. Male pilots should know to never fraternize with female coworkers with few exceptions. That dude was raised wrong.
TradeFragrant3083@reddit
This is super creepy. Please do report. Who is the admin on this page? I asked for recommendations for my female potential daughter to join aviation and you removed my post! You need to do better! I am a nursing professor and give tons of recommendations for new nurses. So discouraging and honestly vile. @/randompleasse12345 please message me if needed.
Arclight308@reddit
I am sure I have spent some time in a coworkers room that I don't recall. But the closest to that was because we were watching a Leafs game waiting for the ticket price to plummet once the puck drops and had a couple beers. My buddy came by and we hung out.
Turns out the prices didn't drop and we helped his kid over the phone do math. This is 100% weird, why would I ever choose to watch a movie with a coworker on a hotel room tv?
Dense-Philosopher660@reddit
If he’s senior to you it makes the situation even more serious but in the meantime put him on your no fly list if that’s an option.
guitr4040@reddit
rape alert
You never should do anything, even “just watching tv” when your spidey senses say no
Boeinggoing737@reddit
Not cool. I have done room checks for women but I don’t go in the room. They block the door in their room with their bags, run around real quick, and then come out into the hallway for the thumbs up. We usually set a dinner meet up time and just do our thing until then. I have been in less then 10 crew members rooms over a few decades and two were filling out company reports for things that went wrong and the others were for holiday parties or watching a game when everything else was closed.
He might be socially stunted or maybe a cultural thing but he should know that it’s not normal.
HeadAche2012@reddit
Watch a movie means banging
FrankThePilot@reddit
The only time I’ve been with a coworker in a hotel room, it was another male friend of mine and we ordered food and watched South Park. Call pro stands immediately.
Independent_Leg7358@reddit
I think he likes you. And you must at least tolerate him.
traderhoes25@reddit
Girl don’t put yourself in that situation!! I had a captain I flew with who was married with kids ask to watch Netflix in my room at 11pm and I ignored his message. I meet them maybe for dinner at the start of the week and honestly I just keep to myself because the old men captains can be so weird.
Magoo6541@reddit
Whenever I worked with a woman and we wanted to do an activity together. We met in the lobby. Wanna watch a movie? I’ll bring my laptop to a conference room or computer room.
Don’t put yourself in a position so that rumors can be started.
breakingthejewels@reddit
Report him immediately.
tenziki@reddit
He wanted to fuck
Make it apparent that you dont
Daa_pilot_diver@reddit
I don’t mind hanging out with female coworkers, but I make it a point not to be in awkward situations like this because of how quickly they can be misunderstood or misinterpreted.
Specific_Gas4322@reddit
Kick him in the balls! Ok ok, kick him out, don’t tolerate this behavior, guys are simple to understand
BlueVario@reddit
Just here for all the white knight, foghorn leghorn comments 😂
NonVideBunt@reddit
I’m a married male pilot so I don’t really know what’s considered normal but I’d never ever put myself in that position since I’m not single anymore. And if I was single, the only time I’d ever go into a female pilot co-workers hotel room would be if we really clicked and I was certain that you were just as interested as I was. If you weren’t giving me those vibes then I’d never come into your room for the fear I’d make you uncomfortable.
Plenty of great dinners and drinks at bars with my female co-workers but that’s where it ends. I’d say that’s not normal these days… but I’ll defer to my single pilots to provide more clarity.
Cascadeflyer61@reddit
Strange, inappropriate, 36 years as an airline pilot, I never asked to go to another pilots room. It’s great to go out for dinner, drinks, or exploring, but on mutually discussed terms.
Imperial_Citizen_00@reddit
Never say “Sure” or anything that could be interpreted as consent, your opening the door, guys are retarded and take the tiniest thing are an invitation or as being a lead in to future invitations
Elvis_Air@reddit
Does your union have a professional standards committee?
randomplease12345@reddit (OP)
No, I work in a corporate flight department
frankcanfly@reddit
He’s a creep. I would never ever invite myself to any crew member’s room. Don’t trust people that don’t respect your boundaries….
beercanpilot@reddit
Is your copilot flywithowen?
Denim-Luckies-n-Wry@reddit
Aircrews have great opportunity to fool around, and young ones at regionals especially tend to act on it. The guy described was aggressively on the make and trying to be nonchalant about it -- although he has no rizz at all.
It is an unfortunate bit of human nature that her letting him in her room, claiming she was caught off-guard, is typically interpreted as willingness to consider the option.
But aggressive come ons are by no means a male crew member thing. I've had female crew members come across the hall to my door dressed in night wear, under the guise of asking to use my shower, because hers was no good, or just asking outright for company while we watch her fav show.
At a somewhat notorious crew hotel in Buffalo, I encountered a flight attendant in the hall at 0200 going from one room to another, wearing a Captain's shirt with 4 stripes and a Captain's hat with braid....and nothing else. The shirt tails were just long enough to keep her legal -- and she looked really cute too.
But the other side of that world is that there were female crew we knew to never be alone with -- not even in an elevator.
etheralpigeon@reddit
As a female pilot, my hotel room is MY space and I typically don’t let any others in. If my coworkers want to hang out, we can go to dinner, meet at the bar, or discuss other plans prior.
The guy sounds like a creep and personally if you’re not interested in his advances, I’d make it known before he continues the behavior. Just cut things off in a professional manner and establish your boundaries.
CaptValentine@reddit
I have never been in another crew members room, regardless of gender. This guy is creeping.
jumpseat320@reddit
Be it Airline world or corporate , this is sexual harassment. One can get fired easily for this behavior. He wants to watch a movie, he can watch it in the lobby or breakfast area or go to his room?
Flat_Equipment_7140@reddit
Never ever be afraid to say “NO”.
As a man myself I try my best to avoid places that would cause compromise and wrongful accusations.
That famous saying “don’t shit where you eat”
cazzipropri@reddit
I'm a man, i can decode his language: he's trying.
Tell him politely buf firmly that you are not interested. Do not sugarcoat it because the sugarcoating sends mixed signals. Men understand a clear no. Send that message.
mverycwel@reddit
if he wants to get to know you he'll invite you out. idk about pilot culture ive heard some things, but best be upfront and honest.
bobobibi520@reddit
Yeah no… that guy is a sleazy bag.
The only time I’ve had 1 on 1 time in a hotel room on a layover is with people I’m extremely good friends with and have known 5+ years.
Meet at the bar for Christ sakes.
Sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment from HR
Imaginary-Spray3711@reddit
Very inappropriate. If you have a pro standards committee, you should perhaps consult them.
exploringtheworld797@reddit
Creep. I used to have FAs say: “I forgot my key can I call from your room” and the TV thing. Just say no and kick his ass out.
grahal1968@reddit
I’ve run HR departments. This is behavior that merits a report. If he did it to you, he has either done it to other women or is going to.
As someone who has traveled for business for 35+ years I wouldn’t be caught dead in another employees room. Male or female. I wouldn’t take the risk.
LoganMartinson@reddit
Blacklist and report to HR
themflyingjaffacakes@reddit
The guy is a bit creepy and clearly pushing boundaries. I think you've also learned to spot the early warning signs and unwanted intentions.
Sounds like you handled it as best you could in the moment
Worried-Ebb-1699@reddit
Absolutely not. There is zero world where this behavior is acceptable. You already share a cramped FD where shenanigans can and do happen.
You’re in essence trusting this person will be of the utmost integrity and professionalism to just allow him into your room/ bed like that.
It may be hard to say no, but please next time speak up. And tell your other female pilots to be mindful of his actions.
I am so relieved that he held short of becoming physical to/with you, but the next one he may not.
When you’re out on the road, away from home, all sorts of thoughts and intrigue can enter your mind. It’s up to each of us to simply refrain from acting on them if they are not voluntarily desired.
Say no next time.
Worst case you go call your union and find a way out of the flight to follow.
TempusFugit2020@reddit
No…and I can tell you stories of colleagues who have acquiesced and ended up in awful situations.
Do not feel obligated. Do not feel strange about boundaries. Say no…hurt his feelings…do not invite someone into your room.
PlanesAndPoutine@reddit
I’d be sending a DART to ProStans right away if I were you. Also as others said, “NO” is a complete sentence. Please don’t ever put yourself in a situation like this ever again, for your own safety.
Dangerous_Toe1356@reddit
As an avid slam-clicker, no way is this OK. Take it to ProStans or the CP and bid avoid him.
LikenSlayer@reddit
Never been in a Female co-pilots room alone in my entire aviation career. Not that I don't trust myself nor her. Strictly a professional curiosity where I choose to respect everyone's boundaries.
Some people's out going personality come off as extremely flirtatious. Thats where communication comes into play. I have no problem listening to what people think about me or my actions. I welcome it with open arms. Above all, I respect everyone's boundaries, especially in work setting.
BrtFrkwr@reddit
Don't put up with that crap.
cfbillings@reddit
A good opportunity to learn how to reject an advance like that more firmly next time.
scofnerf@reddit
Def easy for us redditors to tell that creep f*** off, but also, OP can do things to improve the situation next time too 👍. Good to start the convo here too for sure
Jaimebgdb@reddit
I think the intentions of that dude were pretty clear.
I personally stay away from female colleagues as much as possible precisely because there are so few of them and they must all be kind of sick of every single dude hitting on them one way or another. I don't want to get hit with any accusations of weird behaviour by a female colleague because that's automatic dismissal, my job is more valuable than that and I'm not risking it.
cpt_ppppp@reddit
You can be friendly with somebody and not be a creep. It's a bit harsh to ignore a colleague completely just because of their gender
Useful-Photograph744@reddit
Man I don’t even hang out with the same gender crew in the same room. We spend all day together in the airplane when I get to my room it’s to be alone.
poser765@reddit
This is where I am in my career and life. I am an unashamed slam clicker. Too old and too tired for that shit.
M7orch3@reddit
Are you me in 10 years?
poser765@reddit
Why wait?
cpt_ppppp@reddit
Well equal opportunity antisocial behaviour I can get behind! I totally understand that approach
Mediocre_Paramedic22@reddit
You can, but it’s not worth the risk.
Jaimebgdb@reddit
Well sure I said it like that as a manner of speaking. What I meant is I would absolutely not behave in a way that could be remotely interpreted as being a creep. For one I wouldn't go hang out in her room...
mf104@reddit
Absolutely the correct thing to do. I avoid female colleagues as much as possible for precisely this reason.
kimi_on_pole@reddit
Straight to the no fly list.
dv20bugsmasher@reddit
Am a dude, even with other dudes i generally offer to hang at a restaurant, bar, beach, pool, nearby attraction, the room only comes up if for some reason theyre losing their room a few hours before we actually need to report or something and they might want to store their bags in mine. Its possible dude was just socially illiterate but it sounds creepy to me.
russbroom@reddit
As somebody from an entirely different industry, I think you already know the answers to your questions.
Just go with your gut on this one, and stay safe.
headies1@reddit
Don’t accept dudes invites to ‘hang out’ in your hotel room.
Frequent-Cicada-2938@reddit
Girl. Be more firm with your boundaries.
mdepfl@reddit
Um, no. You’re not there for his company he can buy a doll or something. Your instincts are sound.
daygloviking@reddit
As a male, this guy deserves everything thrown at him. It’s a massive red flag that he’s failed to respect your boundaries, he’s invaded what is fundamentally your personal space, he’s angled it in a way that you feel uncomfortable saying no, that’s all predatory behaviour. At this point he needs it explained in words of one syllable, preferably in writing so there’s a record that he’s been told, by HR.
Professionally I would only be relaxing with colleagues in public areas, preferably with other crew around as well.
Flimsy-Ad-858@reddit
Noooooooope. Fuck that.
Mechanik_J@reddit
Dude wanted to fuck, and you didnt...
Lykayla@reddit
Sounds like the guy is a total creep. Anyone who pleads for the night to continue going after youve said you're done is looking for something.
Schwalbe262Guy@reddit
He’s a creep
capn_davey@reddit
Disgusting. I’m sorry. Not at all appropriate. Working with people of all persuasions is basic human. Unfortunately this is a profession dominated by a demographic that skews stupid. Ugh. I hope that if my kids decide to become professional pilots that they won’t have to deal with crap like this but I’m sure they still will.
BigJellyfish1906@reddit
You should have never let him into your room at all. He’s a creep. You can’t give people like that an inch.
CanadaRobinson@reddit
Yeah, never done this. 8 years of flying professionally and I would never behave like this.
Longjumping-Escape15@reddit
You gotta treat him like a vampire. Don’t invite him across the threshold because then he can attack. He was definitely wanting to hook up girl.
bourbon_lemonade@reddit
Absolutely not. I wouldn’t even do it if you invited me. It’s just odd. In 15 years of flying corporate where we got to know each other really well I can count on one hand how many times I hung out in a coworkers room, and it was never with a female coworker. There is no way he should be in your room. That feels very unprofessional and inappropriate to me. If he doesn’t know boundaries he needs to be told. Probably by HR or a manager.
Dat_Mustache@reddit
Nah. We're going to the Union with this one. Pro Standards his butt. Get enough of these and the union won't back him after a pattern.
CharlieMurphay@reddit
The only fellow pilots room Ive hung out in is a married dude (who my wife calls my work wife, because we fly together all the time) and we played switch. IF (and thats a big if) I were to ever be invited to “hang out” in one of our women pilots rooms, it would only be if there were other crew there and I would never dream to ask one if I could come hangout in their room. Even if it wasn’t weird its damn inappropriate.
pedrolane@reddit
File a complaint with HR. That’s a big red flag.
mild-blue-yonder@reddit
Very very weird. Just say no.
mass_marauder@reddit
Unless you were giving him the most obvious signals you wanted his company, this is 100% inappropriate and unreasonable. You should never accept an advance from another coworker to enter your sacred space. You’re on a layover for gods sake just go to a bar if he wants to hang out.
Torvaldicus_Unknown@reddit
What the fuck
SubarcticFarmer@reddit
I agree that is something you should involve pro standards with. He'll get himself in trouble. Even if innocent, the socially acceptable way would be to offer for the other crew member to go to your own room so they can just leave if and when they want, although I wouldn't be putting myself in that position to begin with.
lambakins@reddit
Am a dude, 100% hes tryna smash but is too awkward to make a move.
om6jn@reddit
10+ years at a 121 and never did such a thing even before I was married. Worth calling Professional Standards not to get the dude in trouble BUT to honestly save his career because this is highly unprofessional.
skidsup@reddit
I (m) have had drinks in a hotel room with a female pilot during a long layover on a work trip. Got in late. Went to the bar for food and beers. Bar closed not long after we got there. Stopped at the convenience store and grabbed a six pack to take back to the hotel. Drank in the hotel room. Went our separate ways when she started to fall asleep. Nothing nefarious about it. Neither of us made any moves. We were just bored and got along well enough in the airplane that we decided to hang out after. Done similar multiple times with male colleagues.
It's only messed up if it's not consensual or you're being irresponsible in regards to drinking before flying.
MidwestFlyerST75@reddit
No. This is not ok. You could raise this with the chief pilot and/or confidential concern reporting system, if you have one. He clearly made you uncomfortable and you don’t need to tolerate that in the workplace.
I also appreciate most flying places are small communities, and you might be concerned about preserving good will. Unfortunately that’s a valid concern; in the best case, the employer would have your back and prevent retaliation. As a first simple step however, if this comes up next time, you should set a clear boundary: “My room is a private space. I would be happy hanging out in public, and we should maintain our professionalism,” or something to that effect.
Liberator1177@reddit
That is so off, hard no.
prex10@reddit
Dudes just tryna smash. He's a creep and it's not acceptable. If you want him in there that's one thing. If you don't, make it apparent
0621Hertz@reddit
Unfortunately some regionals don’t have bid avoid. I hope this isn’t one of them.
prex10@reddit
Really? Which ones?
0621Hertz@reddit
Piedmont for sure is one of them, maybe the rest of the AA WO.
Only flight attendants can bid avoid there.
prex10@reddit
I feel like that's gotta be an ALPA issue
ps2sunvalley@reddit
I’ve hung out in a fellow male pilots room before but we were just shooting the shit drinking whiskey and I sat in the office chair and he on his bed.
This guy was angling for something more. Just say no next time.
ice17tx@reddit
If i ask to come to a females room and she says yes . Its at least hinting towards hooking up like there's no reason to risk the danger....nobody's trying to have a movie night slumber with a random coworker of the opposite sex
gooohara@reddit
I’m a woman who worked on cargo ships (hence, living with my coworkers 24/7 for 2 months straight) and went through similar situations. I know women are usually taught to be nice but take this as your chance to learn to say no. It’s hard and scary, but if you don’t do it, it might get worse.
The guy is being a creep, this not acceptable at all. It’s never too late to say no and it’s good to address this with him directly (that he made you uncomfortable).
exbex@reddit
Your boyfriend/husband is traveling on a trip. You call his cell and a chick picks up. Do you have an issue with that? I’m guessing you would cause it’s weird AF, unless they are hooking up.
If you have a pro standards department and ask them what they think. This guy is going to be a problem for them because he’s a walking HR violation waiting to happen.
The ONLY time I was ever in a female crew members hotel room was if they asked me to check it when we check in. My bag was in to doorway, door open and I was in and in 30 seconds.
CtrlcCtrlvLoop@reddit
The guys probably smitten with you and wanted to bang. He should’ve been more transparent. Yall are both adults and he can hit on you (appropriately that is) just as you can turn him down. Sounds like he doesn’t have much confidence or game. That said, I think we all know what Netflix and chill is. I’m surprised it took a Reddit post for you to figure that out.
Ramrod489@reddit
Male pilot here. Straight, if that matters. F*** no. I wouldn’t go into a female co-worker’s hotel room if invited, unless it was some sort of crew thing with a bunch more people. Dude is a creeper.
4Sammich@reddit
Ooffff. Absolutely not. Im an old guy and deff not on any of the younger folks radar for anything more than as a co-worker and i NEVER allow another crew member into my room, male or female.
The last time it was even an option i had a FA who took all the Kcups and wanted the ones from my room. I met her in the hallway where cameras are. Never allow yourself to be cornered into a he said/she said situation.
ManifestDestinysChld@reddit
What is that "personality?" "Oh that's just Ricky, he's super immature."
This is not how respectful adults treat one another.
In 2026, in a world where people like Andrew Tate and Clavicular have large audiences, I can't blame women for not giving any guy the benefit of the doubt w/r/t his intentions. And honestly, yeah, this smells very creepy to me. Maybe 20% chance he's just clueless about social interactions (I have a kid on the spectrum, I get how that could be the case) vs. 80% chance he's an ill-intentioned creep who thinks you're gullible and / or has weird entitlement issues.
Useful-Photograph744@reddit
Having flown with the type of guys who make comments about women at the FBO, FAs, or just generally who they see walking around it can be disturbing
VolubleWanderer@reddit
Nah dude is a creep 100%. You report this to Pro Stans
Murky_Digger@reddit
🚨🚨🚨
Aero_Imperialis@reddit
Hi there. I highly recommend contacting your union’s professional standards committee (if you have one) and/or reporting the incident to your chief pilot and/or HR. That behavior is unacceptable and it sounds like routine for him. Save the next girl and get him on the company’s radar.
3Green1974@reddit
I hang with female coworkers (pilots and FAs) in my room, but only when I have a suite or large room with a couch and chairs. Never had a problem, and I’ve never forced the issue. Usually it’s because we’re not tired and want a few more drinks or something. But also, we know each other really well. There’s nothing happening and when either of call it a night, that’s it. Pressing the issue sounds skeevy.
Several-Village5814@reddit
Yea that’s weird dude
3Green1974@reddit
It’s all corporate though. We hang out at my house too.
EldenLord876@reddit
Was definitely begging a creep and trying to get in your pants. Glad you stood firm and kicked him out! Listen to your gut feelings!
EldenLord876@reddit
Being *
Tinbum89@reddit
I’m sorry but how naive are you?
MLZ005@reddit
ABSOLUTELY NOT, as a woman. You never let anyone in your layover hotel room unless you are 100% comfortable with being with them. That is not normal at all and you are well in your right to be as firm or mean as you want
Layover hotel safety is paramount. If you don’t feel comfortable at all then affirm your boundaries, even if they’re senior to you or your captain
DeltaTule@reddit
You never should have said yes to watching a movie with him especially in your room if you weren’t interested in him like that. Also, you shouldn’t have let him in your room the first time. Normal behavior would have been to accept the items at the door, say thanks, then close the door.
He probably mistakenly thought you were into him due to some of these missteps on your part. In his eyes you were essentially accepting his advances.
Useful-Photograph744@reddit
Glad we agree on this :P
TK3K216@reddit
Yeah that’s not okay. Dude is a creep and was trying to get in your pants. Avoid at all costs. If I ever hang out with the crew on overnights it is never in a room and always in a public setting.
Necessary_Topic_1656@reddit
pro standards
Several-Village5814@reddit
Don’t even know if this is an airline or has union
HavingNotAttained@reddit
Physically, literally practice saying aloud, “No,” “I don’t want you in my room,” “I’m don’t allow anyone in my room,” etc. It’s muscle memory. Practice those and similar sentences in a mirror, while driving, washing hands, cooking, whatever wherever whenever until they’re completely automatic.
Just like you had to learn speaking on the radio or landing or spin recovery. Once they’re baked into your mind and muscles you’ll feel way more comfortable and confident using them.
Several-Village5814@reddit
What the hell
LPNTed@reddit
I had a whole thing to say about how this 'could be looked at'. The reality is what I THINK I know doesn't matter a damn bit when the ending advice is the same... Never invite or allow anyone to invite themselves to your room related to work.
latedescent@reddit
Hell the fuck no. Do not ever let anyone in your room again, please.
If you decide to call pro standards, you need to disclose EVERYTHING, including the fact that you caved and allowed him to enter. As creepy as this dude is, his career is on the line now and details might make the difference in a harsh lesson or career dismissal.
New-Traffic-4077@reddit
You let him into your hotel room??? Why? Don’t do that.
Pubics_Cube@reddit
Pro Standards. Immediately
squawkingdirty@reddit
Yeah not at all. Slam click don’t really care who the crew is. Guy is a creep
ApatheticSkyentist@reddit
Massive red flags.
I’ve only ever hung out in someone else’s hotel room once regardless of gender: me, the other pilot, and our FA. We were all super close and the restaurant was closed so we had left over catering and trauma bonded over the super shitty day.
This dude is a creep. Honestly I’d report it if you have someone you trust and can go to. Sadly that might be a bad career move. People suck.
harambe_did911@reddit
Hey so in the future someone opposite gender asking to enter your hotel room is asking to fuck. That is pretty common adult knowledge but now you know. Don't say yes unless you are trying to fuck them.
SSMDive@reddit
Not a chance in hell I’d be in a female coworkers hotel room alone with her.
Just tell the guy (or girl) No! And stick with it.
Chilaquilesmonster@reddit
A tale as old as time:
Male (insert shared occupation here) makes things weird because he thinks he can have sex with you.
BlowFish-w-o-Hootie@reddit
This is border-line (or over the line) sexual harassment and needs to be dealt with immediately. He needs to treat you as a professional co-worker.
You need to discuss this with him directly in a professional manner in public space to tell him that he is not welcome inside your room, and you will decline any invitations to come into his room. Any hanging out will be in a public space like the hotel lobby or a restaurant. For the time being, avoid being alone with him, even in the hotel hallways. Avoid drinking alcohol with him. If he pushes back or continues inappropriate behavior, report him to your supervisor and HR Office.
rohepey@reddit
You need to go online to understand the guy's intentions?
FlowerGeneral2576@reddit
If your company has a union and professional standards committee, I’d at least think about letting them know. I’d say chances are that you’re not the first woman pilot he’s tried this with and probably won’t be the last. Obviously it can be difficult to speak up, but doing so can at least start a record of this pervert’s behavior.
Bythion@reddit
As a guy, I can't imagine acting like that. Get a clue dude, she's not interested.
Useful-Photograph744@reddit
My opinion as a male crew member. If he didn’t listen the first time then just shut him down. Most guys in this industry aren’t creeps but there will definitely be a few. I know some crews are big on sharing their room numbers in case something happens but I don’t even do that. The desk can help call their room by looking up their name in the system.
I don’t know your company or situation but you could always put this guy on your no-fly list. If you were really uncomfortable it might be worth contacting Union Pro standards.
Bottom line is that your room is your room and if you want to be alone you can make an excuse that you need to make some phone calls.
Ok_Truck_5092@reddit
Absolutely the fuck not.
buriedupsidedown@reddit
I’ve had something similar and I just say no. The only time they’ve come into my room is for new years when the flight attendants were in there too. I’ll go out with them but I intentionally stay away from things that can be seen as intimate. It’s unfortunate but I love my husband and I don’t want to give the wrong impression.
BreakfastSignal3796@reddit
Not a pro pilot, but sounds like a coworker trying to make something happen despite you displaying a lack of interest. Frankly, the guy sounds like someone you may want to be wary of being alone with. Sadly I’ve seen behavior like that several times. You have every right to say no, and express clear boundaries.
Strega007@reddit
Yeah, that's pretty strange.
Apprehensive-Crow-34@reddit
That does not sound like normal behavior. It definitely gives off the vibe that he is looking for more. I would not let that man in your room ever again.
JumboTrijet@reddit
Absolute no. The only exception being if a 3rd crew member is present. He definitely had carnal intentions.
BasilProfessional09@reddit
Wtf no?
rFlyingTower@reddit
This is a copy of the original post body for posterity:
Hey r/flying I had a question for the group I wanted to run by everyone.
I'm a female pilot and had a situation on a trip this weekend where the male pilot I was with kept angling to get into my hotel room. He requested to drop some items off initially, lingered a bit and looked around, then I went to the door to show him the way out. Later that night he requested we hang in my room and watch a movie. Tbh the requests kept throwing me off guard, so I said 'sure'. Hyper aware of his presence, he was just super comfortable like sitting on the bed before sitting on the couch. I just had an overall feeling like he was getting too close. When I stood up and said it was late and I wanted to go to bed, he said "no come on it's early" I pushed back "no im going to sleep".
This whole thing feels off and I've never had someone really need to be in my room let alone even ask. Male pilots out there, do you guys do this with your coworkers? Other guys that know him are saying "just his personality" and "he must not know boundaries". idk what to think and need a bit of advice or even a reality check about the situation.
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