Feeling like I've thrown away the first 5 years of my career and need advice/reassurance
Posted by blip4497@reddit | ExperiencedDevs | View on Reddit | 23 comments
I graduated in 2021 and started full-time work right after. For the first couple years of my career, I didn’t feel the sort of existential anxieties related to work that I feel now. Maybe because of Dunning-Kruger, or maybe because of being more junior, I wasn’t under much pressure from either my team or myself. I took it as a time to learn and be a cog in the wheel, something I was satisfied with after so much schooling and other life things.
As time pushed on, I was still a cog. I had horrible habits and possibly have an attention deficit issue which makes open-ended time and remote work an extraordinarily difficult environment for me to succeed in. I genuinely feel ashamed of how much time I spent at, and outside of, work throwing time away by distracting myself with Reddit, YouTube, and other crap. Partly it’s procrastination, partly it’s bad habits, and partly I didn’t take work as seriously as I should have.
Fast-forward to today, where I’m ~5 years into my career and pretty much all of my peers have grown so much more than I have. I don’t mean this just by title but also my expertise and product impact. When I look at the product my company builds, there’s no conclusion but that I’ve had barely any effect. For my sake of growing and feeling fulfilment as an engineer, I’ve seldom achieved that in the last 5 years and can’t stop mourning how much potential I’ve wasted.
I’ve been at the same company since I started working full-time and have switched teams/tech-stacks three times so far because of decisions not made by me, and decisions I simply went with as riding the wave. While it’s kind of cool that I have some knowledge across multiple stacks, looking back I wish I honed-in on one stack instead.
Where am I now? I had to take some time off work for medical reasons, and on a positive note I’m incredibly proud to say I was able to clean up a lot of my habits during that time, and I have much better, structured days now. But I think this has opened me up to the reflection stage of this where I look back on my past and need to accept that I under-performed. I’ve done some initial hiring manager interviews for other roles and feel like such a fraud talking about projects I contributed to since I believe I was not a critical part of any of them (or if I was, they were tiny, fairly inconsequential projects). I yearn to feel important and contribute something effective. I want to feel fulfilled by knowing I put in honest effort for the sake of myself and my meaning. I think I’m at a turning point now where I have this opportunity to accept the past and move forwards as a better engineer.
I’m wondering if anyone has any advice to share. I realize a lot of this is imposter syndrome and anxiety speaking, but I do know I’ve slacked off and missed out on a lot of growth. I think it’d be helpful to hear from folks who have turned themselves around, either in terms of how they view themselves in a more positive light or just by making pivotal changes and moving on. Maybe I also need to hear that I’m okay and things will be okay. Thank you.
dan_625@reddit
I relate man. This situation sucks.
ericmutta@reddit
I have been writing code for 27 years. Done some pretty cool things too (e.g. I contributed an API to my framework of choice and that code will ship to millions of machines in perpetuity)...but here I am distracting myself on Reddit and I have watched plenty of YouTube today too.
Software engineering is such a cognitively demanding task, there's no chance in hell you can keep coding non-stop for hours on end and not have a mental breakdown. Sometimes you get in the zone and code for hours on end, but that usually lasts a day or two. On the other days, you take a breather every so often to stop the engine from overheating, so to speak.
Don't feel bad for being human. If you can push harder then do so, but make sure your definition of success includes good health because coding yourself to death ain't good for anybody.
ultraDross@reddit
This is it. I am a little sad to see this so far down in the post. You have to find a balance of: learning, finding impactful work and slowing down by taking menial tasks at work.
Otherwise, you'll end up extremely burnt out and that can very hard to recover from. It's okay to grow slowly.
I suspect this attitude of learning all the time and pushing yourself constantly is just a reflection of the market state and anxieties around the future of our industry.
NotACockroach@reddit
Unfortunatly we now have companies setting a time limit on reaching senior or they fire you. I think that's madness. I have a colleague who is a very diligent mid level software engineer. He turns out a lot of good quality code (more than any senior has time to), and any senior is happy to have him on their project because if you set a backlog you know he'll churn through it.
He's going to take a couple of extra years to reach senior because he's a bit timid and doesn't grasp the opportunities and take initiative like our company prefers, but he's getting better. His performance reviews are good, but the company is going to fire him because he didn't make senior in 4 years.
ericmutta@reddit
It's absolute madness and part of a larger observation that non-technical people don't understand how much art is involved in software engineering. Imagine telling an aspiring musician they have to become a best selling artist in their genre in 4 years or you drop them. It's art. It works on its own timeline. Some will become best sellers in a year, others on 10 years. The creative part of software engineering means it has a similar dynamic.
Much of the woes we hear about in this sub comes from non-technical people trying to dictate how we should do our jobs as engineers ("move faster or else...use AI or else"). The industry-wide misery is palpable and has been brewing for many years. Eventually someone is going to revenge-of-the-nerds the whole situation and I for one can't wait for the freedom that will follow!
ericmutta@reddit
It's absolutely ok to grow slowly :)
I reckon having some gray hairs helps here because you have more perspective. You've seen what "going full speed ahead" does and it ain't all that great. When I was young and foolish my mantra was "I'll sleep when I am dead". I ran a startup for 12 years in one of the least start-up friendly parts of the world. I didn't even get a lousy tshirt for my sacrifice.
Now that I am older, I give myself permission to sleep and do "other crap" (as the OP mentioned) because I know when I finally sit down to code even for 30mins, the code I write in that time with a clear, well-rested mind will make up for all the hours I spent doing something else.
Working_on_Writing@reddit
Mate, it happens. I wasted the first 5 or so years of my career in dead end jobs which I sort of had to take due to the credit crunch. There just wasn't much out there for those of us who graduated into the aftermath.
You can turn it round. Be intentional about the roles you pick and work hard. I've been running entire departments for the last 7 or 8 years and I'm on the CTO track if I stay the course.
That said, don't throw yourself utterly into work in order to try and make up for lost time. I made that mistake and burned out last year. Work hard but at a sustainable pace.
ajones80@reddit
Went through this exact same thing. First five years of my career were at a Fortune 500 logistics company and I felt like I wasted a lot of my time. It wasn’t until I left that I was able to succeed. I didn’t realize how toxic my first company’s culture was and didn’t realize how dog eat dog it was. My new job is at a smaller company and I feel like I’m finally thriving. Good culture, team, and leadership make a world of a difference. I sympathize with you because I thought this might not be the career for me and I almost gave up. Persevere and believe in yourself man you got this.
obelix_dogmatix@reddit
Stop comparing.
Keep learning/educating outside of your job. This shit compounds like crazy. Even a small amount every other day, and you will be a different person in another 3-4 years.
Don’t stop spending time on youtube, reddit etc. Unless of course you are addicted. Burnout is real in our industry. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
fsk@reddit
This is why people job-hop. This is why companies underpay people and force them to job-hop. Your employer probably is getting senior-staff level work out of you, but still paying you junior wages.
AlphaStrik3@reddit
Join us in https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_Programmers
mq2thez@reddit
Here’s the deal: the most important part about being alive and in it is that it’s never too late to change. If you want more, want to be more? Great, you can do it. All it takes is the will.
My number one recommendation is to find a more senior mentor. Someone at your company you admire, or who already does stuff the way you want to do it. Get repeating 1:1s with that person and be genuinely honest about what you want to be better at. Ask them for ongoing advice and help in getting there. Put in the work.
With your manager, make sure your 1:1s are focused on goals and growth, not just updates on your assigned tasks. Find things that are out of your comfort zone and ask to do them. Your manager can help you find a mentor.
Don’t worry about feeling selfish or anything, either. In any sane company, your mentor and manager will both get to write in their personal promo packets about helping to developer an engineer. It makes everyone look good to help you genuinely grow.
blip4497@reddit (OP)
Solid advice. Thank you! I've actually started on this since I've got back to work. I'm branching out to others for chats (like with product leads) too, which is big for me. People are really eager to mentor. I think it helps them put things into perspective. (Like, "Woah, I do really know a lot.")
The challenge before was, how do I get help at work when one of my main issues is slacking off, feeling like I have no control over my attention? I always felt stuck, but I think I've fortunately overcome that barrier and will hold onto it with continual work on that front. It's the will to change.
throwaway0134hdj@reddit
Amazing not to see a doom post not about AI. Yes this is relatable, “comparison is the thief of joy”, you need to focus in yourself. If you are able to take time off, do it, even a year. You’ll feel much better and recharged to open a new chapter of your life.
blip4497@reddit (OP)
Heh, I do have some thoughts about AI, but those are secondary to these more foundational issues :) Thanks for this comment. I was away for several months and that really helped me with a lot of trauma, mental health, and other issues that I needed to unpack. But as I reintegrate into work, I think I'm starting to realize I may still need more time to focus on myself.
metaphorm@reddit
where you are now is that you need a vacation and a therapist.
you're fine. it's never too late. nothing is wasted. you've learned and you've grown. focus on your well-being and find a new job when you're ready.
RedFlounder7@reddit
You are where you are, which, by all accounts, doesn’t suck. So maybe you weren’t as bad as you think you were. That said, it’s good to realize that time is a resource and try to spend it better. You can start being more strategic about the work you take on when possible. When the urge hits to cruise Reddit, keep some side research/play coding handy. Create a new YT account and seed it with industry stuff. When you have 10 minute or downtime, watch something useful.
Be happy you realized you could do more before you got laid off.
blip4497@reddit (OP)
Mhm, I've done enough to hold onto my job for this time and have largely gotten good-great performance reviews, but I also think once I got managers that put more pressure and expectations (which are pretty fair, tbh), my evaluations started going down.
I surely am trying to give more credence to how life-changing it is to have been able to clean myself up this year. Truly I feel like I had an addicition that was impossible to manage without being away from a computer. I'm trying to see it as a hurdle I had to overcome and now getting a new start.
engineered_academic@reddit
You gotta get your house in order before you can succeed. I burned myself out through a divorce and constant overwork since I was 18. 20 years later and I am just starting to be successful in my life with the right person and a whole lot of self reflection and work. 5 years was you building the foundation. To all my late bloomers, it'll be your turn soon.
blip4497@reddit (OP)
I'm glad you're at a better point now.
Thank you :)
EndChemical@reddit
There has to be something there. The fact that you are industry for half a decade would had mean you done something.
Sure it might not be as glamorous as your friends portfolio but you can always built from here.
Tech is vast, you can use AI to help you realise that missing potential, start crafting according to your needs. At your fingertips.
aroras@reddit
One thing I've learned over time: our field is too vast, difficult, and ever-changing to perform passively, trading on the few skills you built a few years ago. You have to remain hungry, hard-working, and constantly learning (including outside of work). You have to learn to teach yourself how to get better, and not wait for teachers. You should reflect on whether that's something you _want_ -- if not there are other careers that are more suited to a slower pace where you can be happy. There's no one size fits all for a happy, successful life.
TipsByCrizal@reddit
I don't know the reality, but I have also felt so. But i sat down and carefully looked at what i have done at my firm till today.
Do that once, maybe you feel less harsh on yourself