Do you often meet up as friend groups?

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idek_just_for_fun@reddit

Once a month I meet up with a group of friends for d&d

A few times when the weather is nicer the larger group meets for hikes

These things can be done but it requires a bit of effort to do them

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Lexcooo@reddit

Only a Redditor would ask if having normal social dynamics were commonplace.

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Smeeble09@reddit (OP)

So you have meals and do activities with friends on a regular basis (say fortnightly at most)?

I WFH so colleagues aren't local, close friends live in various parts across the country, and I have two young kids.

Would be interesting to know how your life/ friendship groups differ and if you've then developed other social groups outside of this?

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Pretty similar set up here. But it’s a nice weekend so work bestie and his wife and kid are currently in 1 of the spare rooms, and my friend is in the other. The last member of the group brought his campervan so he’s in the drive way. We live like 2 1/2 hours away for our nearest member of our group and we see all of them together at least once a fortnight. But in different combinations of us we see friends 2/3 times a week.

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TryTrynTryAgain@reddit

kids

There’s your answer why it’s not your norm.

I had that regular friend group, until the moment I had a kid. The ones on TV dont have kids.

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HighNimpact@reddit

No they don’t. People are commenting saying “yes” and then clarifying they do it once a month or once every other month - which is a clear “no” to your question.

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Hot-Asparagus-2645@reddit

I'd say what OP mentions isn't actually common place. I don't know anyone that does that

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HighNimpact@reddit

And yet the vast majority of answers are that it’s not commonplace and it’s just on TV. But sure, OP is the problem

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AceOfSpades532@reddit

And who are those answers from

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No-Pack-5775@reddit

The trouble is the answers are from fellow redditors

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Nandor1262@reddit

Yes at uni and then in my 20’s for a while. We had weekly ‘TV Nights’ where we all watched a series together and ‘Food Club’ where we took turns cooking every two weeks on a different night. Then we’d have parties or themed evenings together.

Once people started having kids & moving to be closer to their families for child care it all ended though

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Relative-Tea3944@reddit

Genuine question: what are you doing with your time if you never do this

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Smeeble09@reddit (OP)

It's more when, as friends aren't local.

Monday to Friday it's up at 6am, sort kids, get wife to work, kids to school and then go to work. Finish around 5:30/6pm, see kids, get stuff ready for next day, put kids to bed, have tea, and then it's 9:30/10pm so can't do much as most close friends are an hour or two away.

Weekends it's house jobs/chores, take kids out, maybe see family.

We try to see friends but as they aren't physically close it's got to be planned in advance with them, uses a whole day as travelling is 3-6 hours total and they will then have plans etc as well to organise around.

If I had a good friends group close by I'd like the think we meet up regularly, I did in uni, but with them not being close and needing one of us to be at home with the kids it sort of just removed the option.

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Affectionate-Cost525@reddit

If I had a good friends group close by I'd like the think we meet up regularly

I don't mean for this to sound insulting but what's stopping you from trying to create this?

I struggled with this a lot and honestly if I didn't feel forced to actually build a friendship group for my daughter's sake then I probably wouldn't have succeeded but it's definitely possible.

You said your eldest is 8 right? They got any friends who's parents you've gotten along with at birthday parties or anyone you talk to at school drop offs/pick ups?

My wife and I have made so many different communities by just talking to other parents and then trying to build something if we felt like we enjoyed being around them. Arrange a play date for the kids and basically treat it as dating. If we got along and it worked then we'd try and do it again, if not then oh well... at least our daughter had a fun hour or so at the park with her friend.

It was crazy to see just how many other parents were in situations similar to us where there social lives were essentially non-existent outside of meeting family and maybe seeing there friends once or twice a year.

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Did_OJ_Simpson_do_it@reddit

No, I don't have friends or money. When I was late teens and early 20s then yes, me and a friend would often meet up and go for a meal or something. That was just me and one friend though, not a big group like Ted Mosby and pals.

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ThrowawaySunnyLane@reddit

I have singular friends who I watch TV and eat food with regularly. Probably like 3 in total.

Then on rarer occasions I meet with a larger group and watch NFL with them and we get takeout.

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Affectionate-Cost525@reddit

As someone who has kids, yes. It just works a little different these days.

My wife and I have a friend who lives a few doors down from us. Our kids are the same age and go to the same school.

We probably see that friend 4 times a week minimum. Either round each others house for tea or just doing play dates/trips to local park etc. At one point we were having board game nights probably twice a week (sometimes even more). Usually it'd just be the three of us but maybe once/twice a month there'd be other people there. Rotating roster of about 6 different people who could potentially turn up if they were free.

There's about 6 other local families that we're friends with who we'll plan trips to the local park with or sometimes just go round to their house for a few hours with the kids. One has a massive farm house that we can have about 15 of us stay around although it's a bit cramped after 10 people.

My wife and the friend we have board game nights with have a group of 5 mums who'll regularly meet up, sometimes just to chat, sometimes they'll help each other out with housework, drop off food for each other, go to car boot sales, plan days out with the kids, just go shopping together etc etc. Probably sees 3 of them 3-4 times a week minimum although that can drop off quite quickly if she's feeling burnt out.

Then there's another couple we're close to, we've been friends with the woman for over a decade now and her partner for about 6 years. We don't see them as often but they've got 6 kids between the two of them (two with autism) so they tend to be pretty busy. Even still I could've come home from work and find them sat in our house and it wouldn't really be a surprise.

Then I've got my own group of friends too. We don't tend to go to each others houses as much these days but we'll meet up to go climbing probably 2-3 times a month and we're all part of the same running club that meet twice a week and then get drinks/coffee afterwards. Then add in play dates with the kids maybe once every month when we've got free time on the weekend.

Now that the warmer weather's back me and one of the other dads in the group will regularly take our kids camping over the weekend too. Spend the days going on walks round the lakes/forests or whatever and then evenings with the kids sat around the fire. Sometimes our wives will come with, other times they'll stay home and enjoy the quiet.

I know a lot of peoples social lives tend to drop off after having kids but for me it was the opposite. My daughter is one of those kids who thrives when she's surrounded by people. Always wants people around or wants to go out and meet whoever. We could take her to a park in a different country where no one even speaks English and she'll make friends within 10 minutes. I had to start forcing myself to be more sociable to give her the kind of life she needed and it kind of just grew from there.

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TNTiger_@reddit

Once a month, usually, when I can get childcare sorted.

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psychopathic_shark@reddit

When I worked as a chef we did all meet as a friends group. We had one Christmas where we had to work. We were all pretty much outcasts of our family. Probably because of the profession. We had a great time playing daft games after service, I think Dr who the titanic one was on the TV. We all got drunk and had an amazing time. We would party together after shifts and go out together. It was a lovely multicultural event because over the summer a lot of polish national college students would come over to work the summer to pay for their uni fees. They were lovely people. So funny and encouraged liver failure! Never found this again after leaving where we worked. One person would finish a shift and then people would just take a seat. Chaotic bunch and great fun.

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Some_Masterpiece6639@reddit

I only see friends once a month. Everybody is busy with their own lives.

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RevStickleback@reddit

Get a little older, and you'll find you stop being invited out to work social things as they just assume you wouldn't be interested. And you also accept that being honest, you probably wouldn't be interested. The thought of going out to a bar where you have to stand up, then going on to a club, makes me shudder.

It would still me nice to be asked though.

That said, it could be a factor of where I worked. In my late teens/early 20s, everyone was a good 10 years older than me, lived a fair distance away, and we rarely socialised.

I then had about 15 years around people my own age, who went out a lot.

And since then, I've found myself being much older than the regular social crowd.

I only kept in touch with one school friend after leaving, and he lives thousands of miles away now. Other friends I've met at work or other places have mostly moved away.

I do have friends that I have met (or kept in touch with) online, and we do meet up now and then, but as nice as that is, it's not like the days of being able to ring up friends and ask if they fancy popping out for a beer.

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Hot-Asparagus-2645@reddit

This is theost real thing ive read in a long time

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j389191m@reddit

i’m 47 over the last 7 years it get smaller every year people have different commitments others can’t be arsed unfortunately the only thing that’s brings allot of us together are funerals

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aaron1uk@reddit

Err yes? At least twice a month.

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b135702@reddit

Once or twice a week.

"People want a village without being a villager"

Luckily my friend group are super close and we love eachother 😊

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Realistic-River-1941@reddit

Until people's kids make it impossible without a month's notice, then one of the kids gets the lurgy they day before anyway. The divorces bring people back into circulation.

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RevStickleback@reddit

The bad flipside to that is being part of a diminishing group as all the others couple up, and your social life dies a death without anything replacing it.

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Hot-Asparagus-2645@reddit

This is my current life situation as the only one without kids

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SallyJaneCooper@reddit

We have a Wednesday night supper at my house weekly, then game nights once a month or so. More game nights during winter. Late spring to fall we do a lot of hiking and picnicing, 5and10k runs, and beach activities. We had a bonfire tonight. We have always done this. My parents did, my children (adults) do. My husband has dementia so being around friends is really important.

I do think that people socialize much less now than in the past due to lifestyle choices.

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Penderyn@reddit

Yes almost every week. People who don't have this probably didn't put the effort in to make and then keep friends.

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Lunaspoona@reddit

Not as common as sitcoms but pretty regularly. My friend and her husband are looking to move house, one of their criteria is that is has to be close to mine and their other couple friend. Its about a 5 min drive at the min. Sometimes ill pop in after work, sometimes we car share as work in the same place. We do 'official' meals or events at least twice a month, but I see them several times a week.

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raben-herz@reddit

My partner is a chronic extrovert - meeting people and befriending them is his main joy. There's a total of about 30 of us, and some subset of us meets at least 2-3 times a week for games, crafting evenings, D&D or cooking together. Then we'll have larger dinners with everyone a couple times a month. Average age is late 30s, early 40s. None of us have or want children. It's a pretty great way to live.

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HighNimpact@reddit

I don’t know anyone who works full time who does this. Not one. Students? Sure. Unemployed people? Yep. Retired? Yeah.

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raben-herz@reddit

You don't know me, but I do.

My partner is a chronic extrovert - meeting people and befriending them is his main joy. There's a total of about 30 of us, and some subset of us meets at least 2-3 times a week for games, crafting evenings, D&D or cooking together. Then we'll have larger dinners with everyone a couple times a month. Average age is late 30s, early 40s. None of us have or want children. It's a pretty great way to live.

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willgraham1@reddit

Really?! I get after kids it not happening but most people I know who live in London meet up in big friend groups regularly, eg pub once a week - from 21 starting working until their 30s and people have children

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HighNimpact@reddit

I don’t know anyone who has a set group that meet up almost daily, no. I work in London and I’m in my 20s. People go out or stay in and see friends - not a fixed group, certainly not daily

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willgraham1@reddit

Oh yeah not daily for sure unless like living together as a group of friends

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dennis3282@reddit

I did when I was younger. Like the first few years after uni when people full-time jobs but no other commitments. As long as you make it to work you were good, and hangovers barely touched you at that age anyway

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letsgetevil66@reddit

Not really, I’m part of a group of friends that are my partners friends as I moved away from my hometown to live with him . It a big group mixed men and women .. I never get personally invited anywhere as I’m just ‘his girlfriend’ the women don’t make me feel welcome at all because the men in the group are much more friendly with me and I guess that makes them jealous . I’m lonely

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runew0lf@reddit

My friend group is between 50-60 years old, we still meet up for retrogaming weekends, plus 2 of my mates come over each week and we do gaming together / listen to music / watch ootoobs. Then we do a meet online weekly and play the same TTRPG since we were 14 years old (Runequest)

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raben-herz@reddit

This makes me happy. For you, but also just in general.

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phatboi23@reddit

36 here.

we'll do midweek gaming online with a god bunch of us in the UK.

friday/saturday is IRL.

this evening is because i'm watching the 24hr of Nürburgring but still in discord chatting shit as makes no sense to take over my mates office if we're not playing the same game haha

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runew0lf@reddit

Glorious dude!!!
When me n my mates were young and at school, we always saw others drift away from their mates, due to girlfriends etc. So we made a pact, no matter who we got with, what happened, we would always see eachother once a week. The friend day was non-negotioable to any future partners. We stuck with it. My best mate still comes over weekly, as we've done for the past 38 years 😃

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phatboi23@reddit

oddly i met most of them via facebook about vaping (i know i know)

youngest is 18 now... oldest is 60 odd...

there's a solid 20 of us if someone finds a minecraft modpack that looks good i have to host it from home (it'll do it from network and hardware) just sometimes it's easier chip in £5 a month so we can move the game around whatever is going with us lot haha.

hell i've been running the minecraft server for 4 years from crap 'till my main PC upgrade lol

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Smeeble09@reddit (OP)

Nice.

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lavayuki@reddit

None of my friends know each other so I meet them individually. I don’t have a friend group, all my friends are from different workplaces/groups etc.

I don’t meet my friends regularly because they are all very busy. I would be lucky to see any of them once every few months. Some only once or twice a year

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Qyro@reddit

Group of us meet up for board games once or twice a month.

I'm also in a band so I see the same four friends once or twice a week (or more if we're touring).

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Hot-Asparagus-2645@reddit

I've got 4 friends. This consists of 2 individual separate girl mates, and a (same sex) couple. I meet the 2 individual girls probably monthly. I can't remember the last time I saw the couple. We speak often but we seldom see each other. I don't think that's enough.

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Ricky_Martins_Vagina@reddit

Hell no

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Ariel333@reddit

I do but we don’t meet all the time. Probably once or twice a month max but it’s a similar vibe.

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WGD23@reddit

In and 20s yeah, a lot frequently as you age. It gets harder to sync diaries and what not

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Scarred_fish@reddit

A few times a week generally.

As you grow older your friendship groups naturally expand, kids bring even more, partners more etc.

I never understand how kids are supposed to impact going out, take them with you!

Also going out is only as expensive as you make it.

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Smeeble09@reddit (OP)

Cost isn't the issue, it's that most of my mates are from school or uni, and have spread over the country over time.

This ontop of having kids had meant that evenings or nights out are limited to events such as weddings.

Wife and I met at school, so our friends groups are 75% the same people.

Personally I've found as I've grown up and had kids my amount of time with friends or amount of people I would call friends has decreased dramatically.

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Spudd@reddit

Got to actually have friends first.

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WealthMain2987@reddit

Used to be much more often until friends have children

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TopBookChat1105@reddit

Is this question “do you often see you friends”? Yes we often see our friends.

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tinyriiiiiiiiick_@reddit

Not often with my old school and uni friends as we live far away from each other, but I see my PhD friends for a coffee morning every week / fortnight. I do a lot of pole and aerial classes and see one of my friends there multiple times a week.

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Odd-Abroad-270@reddit

Yes. Adult with no kids. In a big city. I used to have a regular tabletop rpg group too.

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HellPigeon1912@reddit

No. I only see my friends two or three times a year, that's all they can manage

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Smeeble09@reddit (OP)

That's similar to me, couple of times a year at most, wish it was more.

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NoBrother6430@reddit

Nope; am a lone wolf mainly

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Goudinho99@reddit

Stopped in my forties and really need to get out a bit more but it was quite normal to see friends 4-5 times a week before.

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Chance-Bread-315@reddit

It fluctuates tbh, but yes I have a couple of friend groups who regularly hang out and share meals together. It's probs down to once a month with each group now but there was a stretch of about 2 years where a group of 5-8 of us would have dinner together and watch a film on a Sunday. The classic scenario of one couple having a baby threw that routine out of the window but we try to keep it relatively regular!

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Cadpig_@reddit

I’m 36, living in London, full time job, single no kids. I see my close friendship group at least once a week, we have regular pub quizzes and events planned… my close friends who have kids I see maximum interest once a month if I’m lucky. I think kids are a big part of the equation.

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Goldman250@reddit

None of our schedules align to meet up as a full group anywhere near as often as sitcom friendship groups.

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senor-dicks@reddit

After reading the comments I guess I’m really lucky. Have about 10 friends early to mid 30’s that I meet with at the pub every Friday. We also meet up most weekends for an activity such as a walk and a lunch

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ilikecocktails@reddit

Yes most weekends. It may not be the whole group every time but a few. 4 of us went for lunch today, last weekend 5 of us went for a curry. Next weekend 3 of us are going out for the day.

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Jturnster89@reddit

A couple of times a month yes, but every day like in the shows? God no, sounds exhausting!

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PengyLi@reddit

In our 50s and live in the same town that my husband grew up in. We see "the gang" in its entirety (7 couples) probably 4 times a year. But a subset of this group will probably see each other once a month, and sometimes more often.

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buttersnapsghee@reddit

Uni / grad scheme this was a regular thing for us after almost never

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Gullflyinghigh@reddit

Not really, but then I don't think I actually have any?

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ReneRottingham@reddit

Most weeks

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Beabettame@reddit

I have many old friends from school. And the same group all hang out till this day, no way near as much as school and college and uni days. But we see each other every other month mostly as a whole. But we've been going strong since we met in the 90s. My husband is the same, is friends with his buddies from school too.

We can't hang out like we used to because you know life is lifeing away. But I am very grateful to still have them.

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Smeeble09@reddit (OP)

I've got close friends from school and uni, but we generally see them a few times a year at most.

On average they live around two hours away, some closer (45mins) and some further (5 hours) so it's hard to meet up regularly when we mostly have full time jobs and kids.

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Beabettame@reddit

To be honest we went through stages where we'd not see each other for ages until one my friends lost her mum and dad within a few months of each other. She was in such a bad place we all took turns to sit with her or get her out of the house.

Then after that we was like we can't turn into those friends who only see each other when bad things happen. And so we committed ourselves to every other month and we all check in if it gets quiet for a few days with each other. Luckily the biggest gap is like 2 hours apart but in the grand scheme of things we manage the gap every other month lol. Life is so busy though right? Kids and work plus life in general can really make social lives hard.

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cateml@reddit

Yeah my husband still has this - his school friends group still being largely a thing, with actual events where they meet up. Minor ones as often as weekly, more attended ones every few months, group getaways and such.

It’s a weird-ish situation where many of them have returned to the small town they grew up in, after leaving for university, also somehow managing to succeed professionally. I suppose this is the draw of middle class small towns meets the pull of the babysitting grandparent.
We go meet up with them as a semi-collective as well, despite not living there, when we can make it coincide with an in-laws visit.

It’s funny because all the people who have this kind of situation, don’t realise that it isn’t really the norm. It’s not rare as such, but most people don’t have this kind of “group”. I have two friends I’m in touch with who would with me I suppose constitute a group, and we see each other together maybe once a year. Everyone else… individual relationships or in the wind.

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Beabettame@reddit

Yeah it is rare, I am very grateful to them all. But we are always there for one another too. We all went to an event last year and one of my friends mum's was there she took this pic of us all sitting down at a table. The next day she sent it to us and she sent us a pic of a photo she had of us sitting almost identically at 11. It really warmed me up, definitely feel lucky to have them. I have noticed it's not the norm but I'm lucky as I've gotten older it's harder to make the same connections with new people, I have a few other friends I've met later but most are fleeting and you lose contact, but because we've been friends for so long it's more like family, even when we piss each other off we know we are still ok, lol.

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RebelliousEducation@reddit

Yeah, a few times a week.

I'm in my late 30s, have a full time job and 3 kids, so it's not always easy, but now the kids are a bit older, we tend to have friends over a few times a week to hang out, play games just chill.

We did it more before kids, and to be honest, it didn't properly start back up again until after the smallest turned about 10, as our lives were chaos.

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Smeeble09@reddit (OP)

OK, that gives me some hope, my kids are 8 and 3.

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RebelliousEducation@reddit

We had kids quite young, and it meant none of our friends were doing it at the same time as us. I don't know if that made any difference...I think people maybe didn't have much patience with us when we were doing the family thing, but not they get it a bit more.

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SocieteRoyale@reddit

we had a birthday house party last week for a member of out friendship group which got nearly everybody out if the woodwork, all nearly pushing 40 now so was a good showing. Other than that a few of us will meet up in the pub regularly, go for a meal or something, you have to push for it a bit, a lot of people have disappeared into the Bermuda triangle of kida so it isn't as easy as it used to be

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CrimsonEnchantress@reddit

I do usually once a fortnight.

I’m almost 31 just for context. I have a very average job and I rent. I try save a little every month but most of my money goes towards good times with my friends.

Family haven’t been in the picture for a long time, and don’t plan on having children because fuck pregnancy. Life is good atm.

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Djinjja-Ninja@reddit

Yes.

In fact we're doing one tonight for Eurovision.

6 of us (3 couples), I've prepped a whole load of stuff for Raclette (steak, duck, salmon, prawns, jersey royal potato, selection of veggies), we'll be having cocktails and playing Eurovision bingo.

Last weekend 9 of us went away for my 50th.

There's 5 couples who get together in various combinations to go out for dinner, or stay in for dinner.

We try for a full group meetup at least 3 times a year, but there's at least 1 or 2 subset meetups a month.

We're all late 30s to early 50s. I've known most of them for 20 odd years though I've only been back in the same area for the last 5 or so.

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paolog@reddit

These shows are unrealistic, with the whole group getting together daily or at least several times a week. In real life, people are busy and it's uncommon for everyone in a gang of six to be free at the same time.

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Similar_Many_6507@reddit

It’s harder to do as adults who may not all have the same availability/free time. Me and my group of friends meet up once or twice a month but it takes group effort in a way. Easier when you live near each other and have a similar finish time etc

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lildogeggs@reddit

Once every two weeks maybe on average? Maybe weekly in summer

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Real23Phil@reddit

Not since I worked a few years ago, my disability advanced, so I don't like leaving my home.

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Jonny7421@reddit

One has a baby and the other moved out of town. We do a camping trip once a year, twice if we're lucky. Then a handful of meet ups over the year.

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Jolly-Avocado0@reddit

Doesn't seem realistic to me. Who wants to do that? Do you not want some down time to relax?

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dinkidoo7693@reddit

We all worked random hours so barely did this before we had kids, we would meet up at the club and have kebabs on the way home instead

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PalmerRabbit78@reddit

Late 20s and yeah. We have our mates round for games nights n just watching films every other month probably and also receive same invites back from those we invite.

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TheBlueprint666@reddit

I think the internet trope now is about planning things with friends that take like six months to organise. Used to do it a lot as a late teen up until like 30 or so. Then everyone got lives of their own

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Intelligent_Bug_9456@reddit

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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thatindiefan@reddit

Yes we’re all about 25 and a group of 10 whilst we very rarely have all 10 there we meet up watch footy, go drinking or go for a meal what feels like every other week

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OrganicPoet1823@reddit

Not regularly like they do on TV once every few months maybe

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CanidPsychopomp@reddit

Yeh I see a fairly stable group of friends quite regularly. Go hiking, go for a drink or a meal, watch the football, parties and bbqs stiff like that

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destria@reddit

I have a friend group that's like 6 of us at the core, plus another 4 people who come and go. We meet up frequently (at least weekly) though maybe not quite the whole group as those of us with kids might only send one of the couple for adults-only events.

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6ftboxjump@reddit

Yes. You just have to put the effort in collectively.

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ci_newman@reddit

Before having kids, yes.

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EyeAlternative1664@reddit

Pre kids and in our 30’s yeah. Now no. It wasn’t uncommon to start a Sunday in the dove in London fields for Sunday lunch and carry on until we realised we were hungry again and it is tea time. This was also pre cost of living crises, so didn’t require second mortgage.

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AcademyBorg@reddit

Regular have movie nights at my friends house (they have a sweet cinema room), about 6 of us meet up once a month for food at somebodys house aswell.

Then of course the pub!

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