How do i stop the neighbours children from entering my garden?
Posted by dead_hooman@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 93 comments
For some background, i cant speak to my neighbours about it for multiple reasons,
I don't know were these kids live and i suffer from selective mutism and other disabilities one being severe anxiety (i dont leave the house), ive tried speaking to my dad about the kids constantly comming into my garden and he won't do anything about it as it "doesn't bother him" but its stresses me out, ive tried asking him to get some gates put on the driveway and he said no as he "doesn't want to" ive tried reading other reddit posts about this and looked at peoples responces on how to stop this but none seme possible for my situation i have no idea what i can do. Things like motion activated sprinklers aren't an option because i have cats i dont know what else to add to be honest any afforable advice which i can do on my own because i dont have the support of my dad would help.
Proper-Throwaway-23@reddit
Can you write a kind letter to your neighbours asking that you would appreciate that they explain to their kids that it is not polite or socially acceptable to access other peoples property? It would also be worth explaining what you have said here already, that you are genuinely struggling with what feels like an invasion of your personal space and that it is causing you a lot of anxiety.
They shouldn't be doing it anyway. It is rude at the least and trespassing at the worst.
HistoryDisastrous493@reddit
If they're council parents then there's a very good chance that'll just make things worse, sadly
anabsentfriend@reddit
Council parents?
HistoryDisastrous493@reddit
If they're council/HA tenants. Obviously not everyone is like that, but unfortunately the stereotype absolutely exists for a reason
anabsentfriend@reddit
That's not my experience, having lived in council owned homes, and worked with council tenants. I came across as many anti social people in privately owned and rented accommodation.
Proper-Throwaway-23@reddit
Potentially and probably đ But if it ever needs escalating, the first question the police are going to ask is "well, have you told them you dont like it?" It shouldn't even need bloody saying of course. But here we are. I feel so sad for OP.
HistoryDisastrous493@reddit
Me too, must be so horrible
Easy-Equal@reddit
How would they send the letter they say they don't leave their house
SubstantialAd283@reddit
You could get an alarm sound and message about an attempted break in (sounding like a burglar alarm/security system) to play through your ring doorbell. I did it once to kids about to egg my house and they shit themselves and ran away đ
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Wait how do you do that?? My ring doorbell only has the selected automated messages which are like "leave the package on the door"
Graspswasps@reddit
Could you leave a present in the garden with a note on it addressed to the kids explaining the situation?Â
Like just a box of sweets or toys and brief writing saying 'excuse me someone who is ill lives here, please don't trespass'Â
Or can be more stern depending on what you think would work.
Could also get a mosquito noisemaker depending on laws where you are, and just turn it on when they enter, adults wouldn't be able to hear it at all
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
I could try the present with a note maybe, i have to avoid any noise things because of mt cats (ones got a heart problem, i cant risk anything that will scare him)
SuzLouA@reddit
Honestly I donât like this idea (no offence intended to the other commenter) - depending on the age of the kids, if they canât read yet, then all theyâll take from that is âooh, sometimes that garden we go in has unguarded sweets, we should go in even more!â Even if they can read, they might think, âour behaviour thus far has yielded a reward, we might get another bribe if we keep going backâ. With kids, itâs really important when it comes to discipline to reward the behaviour you want to see more of, not the behaviour you want to see less of.
Do you know what a mosquito actually is? Itâs not a sudden loud noise that would scare your cat. Itâs a very high pitched noise that you play all the time - itâs too high pitched for adults to hear (our aged ears have decayed too much), but kids can still hear it. The idea is that thereâs an unobtrusive thing that makes the area less attractive for them to hang around in, but it doesnât actually hurt them. However, though it wouldnât scare your cats, it would irritate them, as their hearing is also good enough to hear it, so you would likely end up training your cats to stay out of your front garden. If thatâs a problem, then it wouldnât work.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Yeah im also not an adult, and have sensory issues myself and noises like the radiators, the boiler, and small sounds that my dad cant hear bother me a ton lol so it probably wouldnt be the best idea đ
Graspswasps@reddit
You could have it on the wall outside but only turn it on, via wire or remote, when the cats are safely inside.Â
But my preference would be the note, sometimes people surprise you, may be good kids who do as asked and have no desire to cause trouble
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Yeah, i dont think they mean to cause trouble, probably just haven't been taught that you're not supposed to go into other peoples gardens, thank you for the advice ďźź(^-^)ďź
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
Children aren't magical. Fences and gates work just as well as them as on anyone.
Oh, it's not your house.
Then you can't do anything. Move out, or ignore it.
Proper-Throwaway-23@reddit
Dude, did you read their post? This doesn't sound like someone who is in the position to just move out and ignoring the problem isn't working for them because of their personal situation.
C'mon, man.
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
It's not their house and the homeowner doesn't mind. She's too scared to yell at the kids.
That's it. What, you gonna suggest a flame thrower?
Psychological-Bag272@reddit
Really? You couldnt think of anything else other than jumping straight to a flame thrower?
I suggested putting up a sign that says private property and OP said they will try that. The dad doesn't want gate but doesnt mind a sign.Â
There you go.Â
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
She could try being less of a scaredy cat of kids
AmphibianNo8598@reddit
What a callous thing to say to a disabled person.
Evening-Tomatillo-47@reddit
Unfortunately its true, op appears to have zero power in this situation
AmphibianNo8598@reddit
Things can be true and also not worded like an asshole or give unrealistic advice. Like use your head, this is a person who canât reliably speak or leave the house, you seriously think theyâre in any position to move out? Theyâre very likely unemployed.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
I can't move out unfortunately, i would have years ago if i could đ, we have a wall around our property
anabsentfriend@reddit
Do you own the house?
What are they doing in the garden?
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Its a concil house, never been able to work out what they are doing in there tbh a few times ive seen them chase my cat others they've been kneeling on the driveway in a circle and others they've been js running around in the garden
Stingin_Belle@reddit
Hi, I'm a youth worker, a big chunk of our funds come from council and policing funds to tackle anti social behaviour.
We do have a youth centre where kids come to us but several times a week we do detached youth work, which is going out into the community and tackling hot spots where there's been a lot of complaints from residents or business owners. The council or police usually, will get complaints and if not too serious, we're sent in their place.
Look online and see if there's a youth centre near you and possibly email them asking if this is something they do. If they do and you explain in your email what's happening they can investigate and try to offer a solution to the children in the area to discourage antisocial behaviour and accessing your garden.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Would it class under this though, they are pretty young looking kids and i dont think they have bad intent? They just chase the cats and sit in the garden or sometimes run around in it? Its good advice though and ill look into this if nothing else works?
Stingin_Belle@reddit
Yes, we deal with all sorts! This would definitely meet the criteria of us paying a visit. No children are too small. We are trained to deal with all ages appropriately.
RS_Phil@reddit
If you put some gates up anyway, and your Dad isn't bothered, would he bothered that you did?
Maybe he just doesn't want to sort it out.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
He doesn't want to have to get out of the car to open a gate to enter or leave the property
Graspswasps@reddit
An electric sliding gate with remote control, as a present for Xmas/father's day/birthday/anniversary so he can't refuse?Â
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Ive been actively looking on Facebook market place for one because i cant afford a brand new myself but i have no idea how i would even get it to my house
Graspswasps@reddit
It was only a few years ago I was housebound due to agoraphobia, I know the pain.Â
Have you got a relative who can handle that part, or someone you can try and pay a little extra to bring and install it?
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
I have somebody who would probably be willing to help install it, i think the main issue is transporting it due to the size of them lol, its a great idea though ill definitely keep an eye out for one on marketplace and try find somebody to be able to transport it :) thank you so much
SuzLouA@reddit
If you find one secondhand, they might deliver it themselves for a bit of extra cash. If not, you can hire men with ven to do simple fetch and carry jobs.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Yeah, all depends on how much it costs i was looking into van people not long ago and for a trip down the road they wanted over 100 pounds which i cant afford ontop of how much one of these kinds if gates would cost, im sure if i manage to come across one u could find some way to get it tho wailst dads at work so he doesn't know xD
Realistic-Tiger-2842@reddit
If you refuse to speak to them and your dad doesn't care, I'm not sure what kind of answer you're looking for.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
It's not that i refuse to speak to them, i physically can not speak, im nonverbal, im hopeing for answers from people who may have been in a similar situation who have some kind of solution, there must be some kind of solution?
Sir-Craven@reddit
Write a note and stick it on the fence?
Easy-Equal@reddit
They don't leave their house so wouldn't be able to go to the fence
Sir-Craven@reddit
lol ffs give it the dad to put on the fence? Or stick it in the window?
Saying that, if you dont leave the house to use your own garden then whats the big fuckin deal with some kids using it especially if its your parental garden and they are OK with it?
OP sounds like a tit lol
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Its still my property, the house belongs to both me and my dad, i live in a rough area im going to be anxious about kids constantly in my garden.
Sir-Craven@reddit
Who's name is on the deed?
Also kids playing in a garden doesn't sound like a rough area. Certainly dont sound like rough kids?
HistoryDisastrous493@reddit
Kids playing in someone else's garden suggests scumbag kids, and almost certainly scumbag parents
Blondibee@reddit
Kids âplayingâ these days varies from property destruction to trashing everything nice.
Iâve had the little scrotes âplayingâ by ripping off my fence caps and throwing them across the road and tearing down our screening. The parents use our hedge as a bin.
Sir-Craven@reddit
OP care to share if they have done any of this?
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
Not really relevant to this discussion is it.
You are being a bit of a bellend to be honest
AmphibianNo8598@reddit
God people really hate disabled people huh?
Amazing-Heron-105@reddit
I think it's suspect that the Dad's not bothered. Could be that they're just occasionally retrieving a ball or something acceptable like that and this person is over reacting a bit.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
As in my fence? Could work as a temporary solution maybe but im not sure they would really care lol
Sir-Craven@reddit
Well why not give it a try?
Basic_Aardvark398@reddit
Iâm a bit confused, is this a front garden with no gate?Â
Could you get a motion sensor type alarm that loudly says something like âyou are on camera, please leave the propertyâ like a burglar alarm type thing?Â
You sound quite young, is there anyone else you can trust that you can talk to, a teacher, friend or family member? I do hope you have some mental health support as it sounds like you are going BF through a lot.Â
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Yeah, front garden, i cant use anything loud because one if my cats have a heart issue, i have gotten some advice which im going to try to help the situation tho :)
Thank you for the consern, its just me and my dad unfortunately im not allowed in school anymore my old social worker send out my ehcp to all the schools and they all declined me cuz i was too complex lol and i went to some therepy place called savanna but it got closed down and cahms keep discharging me cuz rhey "cant help" lol, im good tho
Basic_Aardvark398@reddit
Ahh Iâm so sorry youâve been so let down by services. You sound like a really strong person. Good luck with everything :-)Â
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Thank you so much (ăďźžâ˝ďźž)
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Yeah, front garden, i cant use anything loud because one if my cats have a heart issue, i have gotten some advice which im going to try to help the situation tho :)
Thank you for the consern, its just me and my dad unfortunately im not allowed in school anymore my old social worker send out my ehcp to all the schools and they all declined me cuz i was too complex lol
Proper-Throwaway-23@reddit
Are you in a position to be able to order something online? And if so, would you dad (who i have a rather low opinion of given what you have said in this thread) be willing to put in a tiny crumb of effort for the sake of your comfort?
Because if so, how about a nice, big sign to go in a suitable place (or even in your front window) that says: CCTV IN CONSANT OPERATION. NO TRESSPASSING
Please note, I am not very familiar with legal restrictions on where you can place CCTV so check that suggesting it exists and covers your garden wont get you in trouble in any way. It isnt exactly a loaded super soaker, but it might put the little scrotes off enough to send them looking for somewhere new to bugger about.
That aside, the people that suggested emailing a mediator/case worker/anyone in a position to tackle this for/with you are probably giving you better advice. I just wanted to offer up something you potentially could do quickly and hopefully easily to make you feel like you are gaining a bit of control of the situation and to support your case down the line if said scrotal continue to do what theyre doing.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Yeah i can order stuff online ill have a look for a sign, we do have a cctv sign but its like on the side of the house were its not visable so ill try buy one and hope my dad puts it up :) thank you
Ok-Rain6295@reddit
You could try writing a letter or ask/write to a neighbour to ask them to talk to the kids. Failing that, water gun or train the cats to attack (which could be very funny to watch)
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Thanks for the little giggle, the idea of training my cats to attack is pretty funny to imagine, i think they look way to cute to scare them off though ahah
Ok-Rain6295@reddit
Aww what cuties.
Psychological-Bag272@reddit
This is very bizarre.Â
You said you have a wall around the property, how do the kids get in?
Also, I dont like your dad. He doesnt seem to care very much about things that bother his disabled child (you).
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Theres a wall around the house but no gate on the driveway, also thank you ill try get a sign and hope that atleast helps :)
Warburton379@reddit
If they're ignoring the wall around the property and entering anyway then a sign isn't going to do anything.
Mr_Bumcrest@reddit
How are you going to put it up if you don't leave the house?
It's not your house and your Dad doesn't mind, therefore you need to work on your issues yourself.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
My dad wouldn't have an issue putting it up if i get it, he just doesn't want gates.
Mr_Bumcrest@reddit
So why doesnt he tell the children not to come in?
I appreciate you suffer from anxiety, I do too, but you need to be working on these things otherwise yoi are never going to improve. Why does this bother you so much if your father doesn't mind?
bozwold@reddit
Given your mental health problems, can you hire someone via email to do the talking? Maybe someone you know online, but actually know from maybe school or somewhere, a friend of the family or something along those lines? Explain the anxiety issues you have, be open and honest in your messages about why you can't do this yourself. There must be someone trustworthy you can think of, just getting past the point of sending the first message will be your biggest hurdle, after that I'm sure someone would be willing to help
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
I dont have anyone in my area but its a good idea anyway ill have a look into it :)
Eclectika@reddit
try to find someone who does mediation as this is their everyday job.
Eclectika@reddit
bear traps?
I'm sorry, I don't have any serious suggestions but if all else fails, fantasising about bear traps might help when it's really bad.
EpponeeRae@reddit
You could order some planters, potting mix, and a few plants online and form a bit of a barrier with them?Â
External-Praline-451@reddit
Hi OP, Sorry you are going through this. I think the problem lies with your Dad not enforcing boundaries or caring about your comfort.
Do you have access to a social worker or advocate who can work with your Dad as a care giver?
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
My social worker left a few months ago, the system here is pretty shit, they said they didnt think there was a place for social services anymore as they couldnt do anything to help
Belterhaze31@reddit
What do the kids do in your garden? Like do they just occasionally cut across it or are they actively just sitting in your garden?
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Actively running around the garden, sitting on the driveway, running at my cats to scareing them etc
MoonShineWashingLine@reddit
This is strange, why do they feel they can enter your garden? Are there no barriers or gates or anything at all? As a child I wouldn't have dreamed of going in someone else's garden! My kids wouldn't either.
littlebird2446@reddit
I live on a council estate and most of the kids here are feral. Theyâre entitled little shits. Regularly come in my garden uninvited. Iâve had my ornaments kicked over. My neighbour has had her plants destroyed. They chuck rubbish over our walls.
I wouldnât have dreamt of doing this as a child because I was disciplined. But on council estates in particular (Iâve lived on four) the stereotypes do hold up⌠lacking parents who drag their kids up without manners or respect for other people.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Exactly this, some of these kids look way to young to even be on the streets unsupervised, running up and down the road, scareing the local cats, its shocking honestly i cant wrap my head around why they think its ok to go onto somebody elses property
MonkeyHamlet@reddit
Spread something foul smelling on the garden so they get it on them when they trespass?
Naive_Reach2007@reddit
Best thing to do is get your dad to ring 101 and have the neighbourhood policeman round to advise on security and the issue of people having access around the border of the property
2000andmark@reddit
First off, Iâm really sorry youâre dealing with this, that sounds genuinely stressful. If gates arenât an option, could temporary fencing or mesh panels work just around the access points?
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Gates only aren't an option because my dad cant be bothered to open and close a gate to park his car on the driveway đ
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
Is there a local Facebook group?
If so, post on there.
dead_hooman@reddit (OP)
Ive done this before, i posted the footage from the ring doorbell the time one of them tried stealing from the garden and got nothing from it, i can keep trying with the local Facebook group though, i appreciate the advice
No-Daikon3645@reddit
Can you put a lock on the gate?
Easy-Equal@reddit
If its your dads house and he likes the kids and doesn't care then there is nothing you can do except move out or get help for your anxiety
HawkwardGames@reddit
They are disabled and non verbal, so telling them to just move out is genuinely terrible advice.
not2daythankyou@reddit
Shot gun.
ben_jamin_h@reddit
I'm very sorry you are going through this.
Realistically what are you expecting to happen?
Your garden is open, there are no gates.
Neighbours kids keep entering, because there are no barriers. You cannot speak to them or their parents.
The obvious things to do would be to install barriers to entry and to speak to the kids or their parents telling them they can't come in. I appreciate this does not feel possible for you.
What outcome are you looking for?
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