How are people affording to have a family now a days? (South uk)
Posted by Happylife97@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 62 comments
Unfortunately I live in the south and aren’t able to relocate due to poorly, elderly family who also depend on me for many things (shopping etc).
My partner and I work full time and save what we can(we are currently renting). Because he’s self employed it makes buying a house difficult and we’re quoted 280,000 mortgage roughly if he got a “regular job with a contract”, where I live there’s not many options.
We’re getting to an age where we’d love to have children but can’t imagine having them in this economy, we’re ready in every way except financially. we also can’t afford to rent a 2 bed in my area for less than 1,500 per month
How are people managing to have families in the south?
Unable_Anywhere2983@reddit
Kids don’t cost half as much as people pretend. I’m a SAHM my partner earns just above £20k a year, we got lucky and got our home when we found out I was pregnant. We’re both 21 with a 7 month old and a small home. He doesn’t use his bedroom so all baby furniture could’ve waited, we wasted money on a baby changing table, we got a cotbed but now wishing i just waited and got him just an actual little toddler bed as he co sleeps with us and I don’t plan to move him any time soon. So money for baby room can wait. Baby clothes you just got to look for the right places, a great option is ebebek. Even a buggy, I went all out and got the whole icandy bundle, I used the bassinet for about a month in total because I’d just clip the car chair on instead as baby would always fall asleep in the car.
Honestly though even with absolutely everything we’ve bought, we have not spent nearly the amount we thought we would. Buy good quality baby furniture that’s built to last a few years. I’m also planning to keep absolutely everything for my next baby and just putting everything into storage down the line.
Basically bottom line is that baby’s aren’t as expensive as everything says.
A great store to look at for things at a good price which do literally everything everything is ebebek.
Fantastic-Dingo-5806@reddit
How on earth are you supporting 2 adults and a child on £20k? Even without the child it seems a stretch? My essential living bills (like utilities, not subscriptions and gym etc) come to £25k a year.. This is before we've even put any food on the table.
Unable_Anywhere2983@reddit
My partner gets quarterly bonuses which help out ALOT so monthly we have about £1600 roughly, £400 on food shop a month, I think my partner does £200 on petrol/travel a month for work? bills are covered by the bonuses, our phone bill monthly comes to about £100 then the rest of the money gets split, half into savings, half gets left in main account just in case we need to buy something.
We also use ISAs and put a lot of money into those, before I had my baby I was working and so my savings we put all into an ISA and are currently getting money back from that.
I can’t really think of what else we spend our money on because my partner is the one that deals with it all but all I do know is that we’re doing okay. We still do days out, restaurants, gifts, toys and things for baby.
We got lucky aswell because we weren’t ever like party goers or anything, we never like really had anything to spend money on before our baby came along because we was still living with our parents, so all money we was earning was basically being saved anyways.
sennalvera@reddit
The cost of children is not in feeding and clothing them. It's in paying nursery fees or sacrificing a salary so one parent can stay at home. I don't mean any of this as a criticism of you - I'm always happy to hear from people who were able to make it work. But when people talk about not being able to afford kids, it isn't that they can't afford nappies. It's that they can't afford not to have two parents full-time working.
Unable_Anywhere2983@reddit
Oh yeah that was actually really insensitive of me I did not consider those things. because for me nursery/day care isn’t something I’ve considered because I’m going to be staying as a SAHM (fingers crossed of course as I know things can change) I was more talking about like the “little” things because all I heard during my pregnancy was about the cost of nappy’s and wipes so I kind of assumed that OP was talking about things like that which i shouldn’t have
poo_on_my_scarf@reddit
Even if you can afford the nursery fees etc you need to have an understanding employer as you will end up having to leave during the day as your kid decided to run into a poll or vomit everywhere
Academic-Jackfruit-2@reddit
If you wait until you can "afford" to have kids, you’ll never have them. They don’t cost as much as you think, in mine and my partners experience anyway.
OkConsideration5272@reddit
Surely it's the childcare that costs a bomb? Either that or the couple having to reduce their working hours.
Academic-Jackfruit-2@reddit
Yeah if you don’t have family that help it would cost more, but if you put your kids in nursery every day of the week why have them?
Fantastic-Dingo-5806@reddit
Perhaps because two people need to work to pay astronomical rent costs?
Academic-Jackfruit-2@reddit
Yeah perhaps
Mountain_Resident_81@reddit
People forget the huge amount of lost earnings - this is also a cost.
Happylife97@reddit (OP)
It’s mostly we can’t afford seem to be able to afford moving into a 2 bed without having most of our money gone on rent and bills
Dzeire@reddit
One of you stops working to look after the child and then the other person working can claim dss and have the majority of your rent paid for
Academic-Jackfruit-2@reddit
Yeah that is definitely the hardest part, we moved into our house a couple years ago and before having our first.
Fattydog@reddit
I disagree.
They need a bedroom which means higher rent.
Some people have to go on statutory mat leave which is rubbish.
Nursery fees are astronomical.
How can you think they don’t cost a lot?
Academic-Jackfruit-2@reddit
Different circumstances for different people, hence me explicitly stating in mine and my partners experience.
CelDidNothingWrong@reddit
Correct on both counts
AffectionateComb6664@reddit
To start with - there are specialist mortgage brokers out there that work with the self-employed and the contractors. As long as he has a couple of years of books (and makes some money lol) you should be able to get a mortgage offer easily enough.
And to answer your main question - they have more money than you, or they go into loads of debt, or they make do with a "lower" standard of living
OkConsideration5272@reddit
Or they work opposite shifts, or they have family support.
AnthraciteEmblem@reddit
My parents did this
Happylife97@reddit (OP)
He hasn’t got a couple years yet but this is helpful, thank you
budapest_budapest@reddit
You don’t necessarily need several years. We got our mortgage as FTBs when my husband only had one year of accounts. We used a broker who got us a mortgage through Halifax.
AffectionateComb6664@reddit
You're welcome & good luck!
leclercwitch@reddit
We’re in the north but when I was born mam and dad couldn’t “afford” me. Mum always said to me “you’re never going to be ready. You make it work because you just do” and that stuck with me. If you wait until you can afford them you’ll never have them. You make tough decisions (like mam working 3 jobs) and you just do it. Yeah things are different now than the mid 90s but the sentiment is the same. I couldn’t afford to have a baby now but at 30 I’d love to have one… just a shame I’ve only been with my other half 8 months, I’d have a family now if we could but it’s too soon. If you’re having this conversation it means you’re ready to take it on, so just do it. Stop thinking about money. Money comes and goes.
LoudAd5346@reddit
Could "Poorly, elderly family" translate to "house deposit in the future"?
moreidlethanwild@reddit
Or, could they move WITH you out of London?
Sixforsilver7for@reddit
London isn’t the only place in the south and considering a 2 bed would cost more to rent than £1,500 they don’t live in London.
sennalvera@reddit
You either need to have family nearby who can (and are willing to) pitch in; or you earn enough to pay the mortgage plus nursery fees; or you go the other route and make it work on one income so one parent can stay at home.
Those are the options in 2020s Britain.
OkConsideration5272@reddit
Or have the parents work opposite shifts. A sad way to have to do it though.
lxxmng@reddit
At this rate, the only way to afford a family in the South is to either win the lottery or move into the "Box of Mystery Cables" under the stairs full-time
Total_Rules@reddit
Children aren’t really expensive. You can get pretty much everything you need second hand and they can be fed cheaply too.
It’s childcare that is expensive and you’ll need to figure out something that works for you. A combination of free childcare, family (if available) and more flexible hours at work to suit your childcare needs is the what you should be considering.
Astronaut_Level@reddit
I would strongly disagree with this statement; bigger housing, cost of childcare, extracurricular activities, school trips, hobbies all cost money. I agree that babies/toddlers are cheap to clothe and feed but children grow up and have their needs. Unless you’re want to just ‘keep them alive’ with the bare minimum they will cost money
TheRebelPercy@reddit
Inheritance and bank of Mam and Dad.
That’s why there are all those laughable articles in the Telegraph with headlines such as ‘We bought our dream home at 26 years old’.
It then goes on to say that they lived with their parents for nothing for 4 years enabling them to save every penny and then Dad gave them £33,000 towards the deposit.
Savvymundo@reddit
"We had to live so frugally, but i managed to save my £60k starting salary from when I was working at my dad's business and living in the annex of the family home rent free"
TheRebelPercy@reddit
Correct.
“It is great that my girlfriend can work from home as a Plant Whisperer and our parents look after little Fennel and Persephone while we concentrate on the next product launch”
East-Delivery9834@reddit
Ditch expensive phones, subscriptions and mobile phones, cars on the knock etc. I brought 2 sons up on my own on minimum wage while renting a few years ago.
Cant have everything kiddo
FelisCantabrigiensis@reddit
It's the "stop eating avocado toast" bullshit all over again.
FelisCantabrigiensis@reddit
City/tech jobs or Bank of Mum and Dad.
Stackhouse7489@reddit
I am in the same boat as you. Me and my partner live and work in London, we are comfortable but not rich. Rent/bills takes a significant chunk out of our pay packet. We thought we would have children by now, but upsizing will cost £££ coupled with childcare costs, we would probably end up in debt. We try to save a little each month for a mortgage deposit, but it has been very slow progress. But with children in the equation, we would never be able to save at all. This is the reality for many of us. You aren't alone. There is a reason people are having children later and later, or not at all.
The thing that bothers me most, is the thought of raising children on the bare minimum financially. Mad to think two working adults, in decent paying jobs, would be in this situation at all.
Ok_Lecture7630@reddit
It's a bit old school, but would living with your elderly relatives and raising a family in a 3 generation bed out of the question?
SolentSailor@reddit
A lot of people in my antenatal class live in studio flats
iffyClyro@reddit
It’s the same answer every single time someone asks this.
People afford it by spending the money they have and they have more money than you.
Frosty_Customer_9243@reddit
They don’t. Birthrates are low because of it.
skkkrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr@reddit
Welfare.
If you are middle class you are likely choosing not to have kids right now.
Hot_College_6538@reddit
If relocation is realistic for you and your husband to have the life you need then do it. The olds can either move with you or will receive care from the council.
I know if sounds harsh, but it's the world we live in these days. No one else is looking out for you and your needs.
Love_Aurora6997@reddit
I moved out of the south, haven't had kids but to buy a property. I feel your pain, it felt impossible when I was there
Fanjo_mcclanjo@reddit
I got one on tick
Strangely__Brown@reddit
They earn.
Provision for your family is one of the greatest motivators to start giving a fuck.
But there's a reason why birth rates are dropping across the country.
Gullible-Composer-94@reddit
There are careers in finance or law or tech where you can earn good money. If your husband can get a good paying job in London and commute it would make steering a family and getting a bigger house easier. It’s reasonable that he can earn up to 60k if he retrains and puts in a few years. It won’t make starting a family hassle free but at that income it makes it easier.
EvilTaffyapple@reddit
Some people have more money than you.
Hard lines.
811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit
And lower outgoings
UnderstandingLow3162@reddit
In my experience, as a father of four....you just kinda figure it out! Don't let money be the thing that stops you.
Icy_Ear7079@reddit
We’re probably only going to have our son. I’d love to have another but realistically, with childcare and house prices, we can only afford him.
Remarkable_Fudge6027@reddit
God provides
split-tennisball@reddit
Do you need to apply?
MeatGayzer69@reddit
The south is crazy expensive. You'd have no issues renting a 3 bedroom semi in the north East for 800. At least your wages are higher down there
Cultural_Tank_6947@reddit
First off, people can earn more than you.
Second, kids aren't that expensive.
Ok_Shirt983@reddit
I am freelance, but my partner earns a decent amount, we were able to get a mortgage not far off what we were getting if I was in full time employment on similar money, maybe shop around to some other lenders? Some other freelancers I've worked with have taken on full time roles for 3-6 months or so depending on the criteria of the lender, and taken a small hit in earnings to secure a mortgage and then quit and gone back to freelancing.
skibbin@reddit
Have you looked at the cost of childcare? In London were were paying 1800pcm per child. The alternative is that one of you stops working.
We were good earners looking at mortgages, but having children totally sunk that as an option and forced us to leave the country all together
feesh_face@reddit
Short answer, they often don’t. It is why the birth rate is dropping so much, or at least a major contributing factor.
Fortunate circumstances and/or inheritance helps with many, whether that be inherited wealth or help, or getting by in a council house which reduces one major cost. For many in council houses it’ll truly be ‘getting by’ rather than thriving though.
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