If a country doesn't fit, it just doesn't fit.
Posted by Extra_Loquat_5599@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 84 comments
I am from an EU country and have a remote job, so I travel here and there. Over the years, I've lived for long periods in different countries and managed to learn a few languages pretty well.
One thing I've realized is that no country is ever going to be perfect. There is always going to be some bullshit you have to deal with, but if the cons heavily outweigh the pros, it just means the place isn't a good fit for you and you have to move on.
For example, Germany looks absolutely fantastic on paper, but I honestly couldn't wait to leave which was something I really didn't expect before moving there.
Sometimes a place just isn't for you
Sufficient-Job7098@reddit
I always had neutral options about Germany so it never looked “absolutely fantastic on paper”.
I could always see many positives but also quite a few negatives.
I think when it comes to countries, occasionally, people romanticize some potential destination. They only see positive and subconsciously refuse to hear negatives.
Then, they move to their destination country and they learn, the country looked good on paper because they made a romanticized list of only positives.
PoZe7@reddit
That's me experience moving to the US
Artichoke-Rhinoceros@reddit
And the problem with the U.S. is it’s like saying “moving to Europe” - Alabama, or worse, Florida, is basically another country compared to Oregon or California. If you move to Nebraska, it’s all wheat fields and flat flat flat. Move to Oregon, it’s lush and green and mountainous, move to Nevada it’s 120 degrees in the summer and desert. People have an idea of the U.S. based on California or New York City, but a majority of the country is not like that.
Mexico is likewise as big and diverse. Each state is very different.
pasobordo@reddit
Yes I have felt that upon leaving the UK. A big "ahh" , and threw myself over the nearest Aegean coast. Then I understand, why they leave their country for sunny places in droves. 6 months of uninterrupted rain makes you feel a frog. And worst food ever is attached to the wet desolation.
Artichoke-Rhinoceros@reddit
I have never been, but from what I hear England and Ireland would be perfect for me. Is the food bad because it’s bland? That’s my jam, lol. And where I live, it used to be 9 months of grey and drizzle, with the occasional heavy rain, and I miss that so much - SAD lamp, Vitamin D3 supplements, and all.
Climate change has basically transformed it into a 4 season state now, with a hot summer, warm fall with only a few showers, daily rain in the winter with the occasional snow/ice storm (like one a year that lasts 1 week at most, if we are lucky), and then a sunny spring with occasional showers. And so much more sun year-round, that I haven’t used my SAD lamp for over a decade. Sigh.
Too bad it’s so expensive! I think I’d love your gloomy weather =).
Ok_Wave2581@reddit
True. I'm an American working in Spain, and I thought I'd want to stay long-term. I don't. I haven't fallen in love with it here like I thought I would. The US is far, far, far from perfect or good, but I'm from NYC, which is a different story. I'm missing NYC, and excited to head back at the end of the summer!
vtccasp3r@reddit
What are you missing most?
Ok_Wave2581@reddit
Diversity of people, food, and culture. Access to green spaces. Silly things like screens on windows. And, mainly, Spanish time: I didn't realize this until I lived here, but I'm an afternoon person. That's when I have the most energy. I enjoy a late bfast/lunch, I like to do errands in the afternoon, etc. And, everything here is closed in the afternoon. I just don't operate on Spanish time. As the OP said, sometimes it just doesn't fit.
lucylucylane@reddit
You would probably like London
Darkus185@reddit
Yeah I’m from the UK and although I work remotely I had to come back.
I just don’t like it. I don’t like much about it and I don’t think I ever will. I try to hard. Sometimes I just feel like giving up and focusing intensely inwards. Gymming hard, working hard. Try as I might I cannot like it.
Xeon_Blade@reddit
Until I left the UK i didn't appreciate the incredible right to roam. Most countries have tight restrictions on where you can and cant run or hike. Huge tracts of beautiful private land sitting unused and inaccessible to the people. Not the UK! Get out there and explore it on foot, you have no idea how lucky you are!
Sue-Jones-123456@reddit
Norway also has right to roam.
livingiice@reddit
Same. I absolutely find it miserable.
CantGetNoSleep5@reddit
There's a lot more to the UK than pubs and stately homes! Maybe try something new?
defixiones@reddit
Stately homes and country gardens are a weird complaint - did you consider just no going to them?
Careful-Inside-3835@reddit
I honestly would never personally go to Germany to live because when I was an intern I had a mean German boss and I’ve kinda decided most German men are mean 😅😂😂😂😂
Sue-Jones-123456@reddit
What made you move on from Germany compared to other countries you left?
PerJuice1991@reddit
Moved to Malaysia after being laid off at age 50 because it was a country that has an easy retirement visa for age 50 and up. (It’s since changed a lot since COVID and now likes of ducks)
It was culturally interesting and food was sure different but ultimately we liked Thailand better so we left after two years. And then of course after three more years we had enough don’t heat and met back to Canada where winter is kind of still here in May long weekend.
And now I’m longing for the heat again😁😁🇨🇦
timfinn1972@reddit
Did a few years in Japan and didn’t shed a tear when I left. Everything seems a bit dated and behind, all very rigid, and tax at 55%. People who think there’s only one way of doing things, and never make a decision. Food was good though.
UnFuturoExpat@reddit
The Germany of Asia
simonerochabowearing@reddit
Well they do have at least one major thing in common…
MostlyBrine@reddit
The only foreigners getting some respect in Japan are the germans.
GlorifiedDissident@reddit
ooh im having a terrible flashback…
NightLotus84@reddit
They need more room to live......
No-Echo-8927@reddit
Austria: hold my beer ...
yoghurtyDucky@reddit
Germany as well (minus the food)
friedapple@reddit
Question: how's would be if it's for semi retirement? As in getting a skilled worker visa and then working long enough until I got the PR and chill? Target is working between 1-3 years.
KostyaFedot@reddit
Typical first world problem.
Charming-Cat-2902@reddit
What does that even mean?
Original-Loquat-6307@reddit
Just curious, I’d like to know what are your thoughts about Germany. Is it okay if I DM? Or you can comment here too
Extra_Loquat_5599@reddit (OP)
Really weird climate. Dark, gloomy, wet and cold for almost the entire year than extremely hot for two weeks and then its switches constantly and randomly around till its dark and cold again.
A lot of people are just straight up rude. They call it being direct but thats BS.
Everything is so old and ridgit, even Italy seemed more advanced.
People weardly don't care about food. It's just a chore to eat and that reflects on pretty much every Restaurant and even the quality of food in the grocery stores. They just want it to be cheap.
The taxes and bereaucracy are horrible but i didn't really care about that.
All in all, a really weird place if you ask me.
Original-Loquat-6307@reddit
Oh wow. Which city or many cities in general? Because Berlin is ok, I mean yeah the architecture is very seamless yeah idk how to describe it
Extra_Loquat_5599@reddit (OP)
You really have to like Berlin, to live in it.
I lived all around Bavaria and NRW.
The more north i went, the worse it got to be honest.
elkirstino@reddit
I think I hate Berlin, but I’m still here because I’m too stubborn to let the city “win” …which is kinda why I feel like I may belong here after all
howard499@reddit
A great place for those who want to spend the rest of their lives hanging out in hipster bars and clubs.
Original-Loquat-6307@reddit
Oh wow. I love cloudy weather, it’s beautiful.
Currently I’m in Milan, it’s quite rough with the housing prices and everything, and the summer
Extra_Loquat_5599@reddit (OP)
Thought so too but at some point the grey just kills you from the inside.
Milan is absolutely beautiful tho
Silver-Pass53@reddit
Don't ever go to the UK then. Weather is even worse!
Kurt805@reddit
Yeah. I think the weather mind fucks you the most. You hate Germany and you're life until one random day in May when you get a face full of sun and your troubles just melt off of you. Then you realize you just had seasonal depression the whole time.
Original-Loquat-6307@reddit
I feel the gray of the buildings in Milan killed me from the inside hahahahha
Kurt805@reddit
Weird. I found Bavarians to be the rudest people on planet earth. NRW felt like heaven afterwards.
woahtheremate_@reddit
I visited Germany once during the film festival period and it was the worse experience.
It was DIRE. And cold. And I just thought. What on earth is the joy exactly living here? I couldn’t do it. Good luck man 😭
appropriateye@reddit
You must have been in the North. Lived in the southwest and it was very warm summers but cold and wet winters.
The bureaucracy and directness are spot on though. Have to say I miss old German women yelling at me because I didn’t have a light on my bike.
Legitimate_Rest_3873@reddit
Agree to the point
Daidrion@reddit
Preach. There's a difference between being direct and being a bitch. Also, somehow the "directness" disappears when touchy subjects are brought or when needing to appease someone with a higher status. Though Eastern Germans I know actually seem to be positively direct.
bro999666@reddit
> Germany looks absolutely fantastic on paper
None of the countries look fantastic even on paper, if you ask me. If something does look fantastic, it usually just means you need to dig deeper. Like you said, there are issues everywhere. It’s really a personal choice whether those issues are deal breakers for you or something you can live with.
highlycaffeinated11@reddit
Haha literally all of them sound terrible to me too
highlycaffeinated11@reddit
What do you think are some of the biggest factors that determine if someone would be a good fit for Germany?
highlycaffeinated11@reddit
Looking at Germany myself, what did you think are the biggest deciding factors for if someone is a good fit for Germany?
Atagor@reddit
The darkest joke of the EU is that the ones who skipped the paperwork and just showed up illegally are often still there, settled and unbothered. While the people doing everything right, gathering proof of funds, employment letters, travel history, bank statements.. Rejected or delayed or ghosted by embassies. The system somehow punishes the ones who respect it most.
So returning to the original text, no country is perfect, absolutely agree. But the decision to leave is a privilege not everyone gets to make. some people never get through the door in the first place.
colorfort@reddit
Indeed. I loved the way Dutch society worked. Fantastic infrastructure and very easy to use public transit. I miss riding my bike everywhere on safe paths with conscientious drivers.
I could not live with the weather and lack of topography. We also found it very hard to make Dutch friends in a meaningful way.
We just didn’t fit and we knew it within the first few months but we stayed for 4 years to work and travel in Europe.
gallysthegnome@reddit
What do you mean lack of topography?
Anonymous30005000@reddit
Probably lack [of variety] in the topography aka flat flat flat
gallysthegnome@reddit
Oooh like that! And yes, I miss mountains.
rintzscar@reddit
They mean "I don't know what the word topography means".
colorfort@reddit
Tongue in cheek. Lack of topography, lack of features. Blank empty plain. It’s beautiful but at times for outsiders the NL can seem to be without features. Opinion, not fact.
MostlyBrine@reddit
Welcome to the south western Ontario, where the highest hill is the pumpkin.
Super-Visit-114@reddit
German culture and social dynamics is extremely hostile, antisocial, rude, and robotics.
Unfortunately the working conditions and materialistic benefits are relatively better with big economy.
IndependentWrap8853@reddit
Complete nonsense. I moved to Germany from Australia 11 years ago and have probably lived my best life since. I have no intention of going back and I know plenty of people who are putting down roots and think the same. If you don’t speak the language in Germany, you will have a hard time, just like any other place. If you do, you will find if a lot easier. Germans are not hostile, they just have no tolerance for superficiality and bullshit. Sounds to me like you failed to fit in, but that can happen. However, that’s on you, not on Germany.
PuzzledMind_7@reddit
For immigrants, its best to always go to immigrant friendly countries. Atleast there where few earlier now not so many.
US, Canada, UK in my opinion top the list. Rest fo Europe is a just a cold place to live in both in terms of weater and the people. Not saying people are bad, but openness to legal immigration and being polite is lacking especially in Europe.
Pointy_in_Time@reddit
US is an immigrant friendly country?? Not sure I’d consider it so these days
Individual_Bed880@reddit
For legal immigrants, yes. Illegal immigration is looked down upon in the red states.
Xosmine@reddit
Agreed.
tabidots@reddit
For me Vietnam has been the only place where the none of the cons were dealbreakers and the pros outweighed the cons. I also told myself I’d stay until it wasn’t fun anymore, though, and it’s starting to reach that point for me, so I find myself needing to make a move and at the same time unable to.
Molo3000@reddit
Germany’s a very good place to live if you simply avoid the Germans.
Solid-Inside-7988@reddit
Weird, met plenty of nice germans. But if they arent your people they arent.
rintzscar@reddit
In reality, Germany is a very good place to live because of the Germans.
Molo3000@reddit
Yeah they’re useful but not really that interesting so no need to socialise
rintzscar@reddit
And that is exactly why Germans don't socialise with you.
Molo3000@reddit
That’s how I got to be a happy person here among an ocean of complaints
Anonymous30005000@reddit
See I am pretty introverted, so I feel like I don’t need to live somewhere where I can make many friends, but I DO need the service industry to be pleasant and polite. I haven’t had great service experiences in Europe yet.
PorcTree@reddit
I’m struggling with this. I’ve lived in 5 countries and now I’m always struggling to figure out where to plant roots. Out of those countries I can’t decide if I want to live in Japan, Greece or the USA. When I’m in one, I miss the others. It’s ridiculous.
InformWitch@reddit
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.
I planted roots because I met my partner but I still have an itch. I wouldn’t mind settling here longer-term (it’s been 8 years) but I would like to move abroad 2-3 years while we are still in our 30s and then come back.
I have this little devil on my shoulder that says ‘You have three passports, why shouldn’t you take advantage …’
MostlyBrine@reddit
If your partner is on board, go for it. You never know what could happen.
00sunset00@reddit
Been in London for a while now, coming from a small Mediterranean country and as much as I genuinely love this city, some things are far from ideal.
Taxes, housing market, school system. You pay a serious premium for all of it and the quality you get back… honestly not always what you'd hope for. Especially housing.
So will be heading back. London is brilliant in so many ways, but brilliant doesn't always mean it works for you in the long term.
overseasguy_@reddit
I like to say, pick the problems you can live with.
Deal breakers are exactly that. Every person should have an internal inventory of what those are for them. Then avoid them like the plague and the others kind of fall into place and organically guide you to where you're supposed to be.
Quagga_Resurrection@reddit
I like to say that my boyfriend and I work because we are different in very complimentary ways. Yes, you pick the cons that you can still be happy with.
unegamine@reddit
Love this and needed to hear that!
MF-Geuze@reddit
That's a good axiom pal
overseasguy_@reddit
Thank you kind ser.
Xosmine@reddit
Spiraling into a pessimistic mindset about a host country that rejects you is tempting. Still, a coping mechanism that is useful for immigrants is to take a step back from their personal feelings and attempt to objectively assess the situation for what it is. Write down a list of pros and cons. Do the cons justify the pros? If the cons are so overbearing that it's wrecking your mental health, then admit that the country isn't for you and move on.
SuperbScarcity5112@reddit
This is true. My wife says the same, she is an immigrant who travels everywhere.
There are good and bad things in all countries. Its a matter of finding out priorities. What fits. Some countries do not as the wrong sides clash hard.
Potential-Theme-4531@reddit
Exactly. We are all different. Some prefer friendliness and warm weather of the Mediterranean countries, while some live for the cool and organized Nordic countries. And that is okay.
timfinn1972@reddit
Did a few years in Japan and didn’t shed a tear when I left. Everything seems a bit dated and behind, all very rigid, and tax at 55%. People who think there’s only one way of doing things, and never make a decision. Food was good though.