Dell confirms its SupportAssist software causes Windows BSOD crashes
Public confirmation from Dell didn't come until 12 hours after we had pushed a fix internally.

It took one replaced laptop and multiple hours of after-hours troubleshooting with frustrated employees to get to the bottom of this one. Admittedly had I looked harder at the logs, I would have seen the SupportAssist critical failure, but having been a hectic MSP week my brain processed it as SupportAssist detecting a problem prior to the crash, rather than being the cause.

First ticket comes in with BSOD every 37 minutes on the dot -- chkdsk, dism, sfc, the works don't fix it, so we replace with plans to reimage later.

Second ticket comes in much later in the day, "computer rebooting every 30 minutes!"
"Oh no"

Before I could get a chance to even check the second ticket we get a wave of employees reporting the same thing, expressing that it had been happening all day. At this point pattern recognition kicks in and I recognize there must be something pushing, like a bad Windows Update or Dell Command Driver Update. I take my time running through all of those, running Windows built in reinstall, the works -- nothing.

After the failed windows reinstall and a beer later I go back to the error logs and start comparing devices.

0xEF_DellSupportAss_BUGCHECK_CRITICAL_PROCESS_c0000005_DellSupportAss!unknown_function

That's gotta be fuckin it right? Let's just wipe Dell SupportAssist entirely and see how it goes. 38 minutes later? Computer is still online. Lets gooooo.

Fuck you Dell. I haven't forgotten about your failure to fix the bios issues causing crashing with specific Nvidia cards on your XPS 8930, and I won't forget this. Lenovo is looking pretty juicy.