Grey divorce - how many do you know?
Posted by Walmucil@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 265 comments
Without going into too much detail, I (31) am the child of GenX parents who are headed for a grey divorce after being together for 40 years. The primary reason being addiction on my father’s part.
I’m curious how many GenX’ers here know people in their age cohort who went through this or are going through this (or maybe even went through it yourself).
Jstewquetoo@reddit
After 44 years of marriage my stepmother told my dad he couldn’t live at home after his stroke because his wheelchair was depressing her.
So I moved him in to an apartment and he forced the sale of their house to pay for caregivers.
None of this has been any fun for me, but my dad is out at rock shows every weekend and blowing through tens of thousands of dollars a month until he needs to go to long term care.
I guess he showed her…or she showed him. I don’t know but it’s crazy.
Clean_Citron_8278@reddit
Wow! What a selfish b!+(h! She sure did not take the sickness part of vows to heart.
hippiechick725@reddit
Good for him!
splorp_evilbastard@reddit
My grandparents got divorced after 19 years. Grandpa remarried before my parents got married and was with my step grandma until he died, 56 years later.
Adorable_Bag_2611@reddit
Not sure if we are a grey divorce or not. Married 24 years, 51 & 52, together over 26 years.
Divorced primarily due to me losing respect/care/romantic feelings due to his alcoholism.
Spiritual_Newt_4268@reddit
I’m in the trenches with this now. She almost died last year from liver failure, was hiding a massive alcohol problem and lying about other things as well. Hasn’t worked in years and seems to blame me for everything. I’ve been trying to do everything I can to get her healthy again, therapy, acupuncture, so many doctors appointments, but I feel completely unappreciated for supporting the whole family. I’ll probably take the blame online since I’m a man though. I just want someone who cares about me the way I care about her.
Business_Coyote_5496@reddit
Wow reading this thread has made me appreciate my husband of 32 years so much. I'd be devastated if he left me and I selfishly hope when we're in our 80s I die first because I'd be so heartbroken to live alone. That would be so so stressful and lonely. Or maybe we could be one of those couples that die within days of each other. But that would be awful for our kids. Hmmm. I guess there is no "good" solution and end of life reality will be upsetting
Individual_Note_8756@reddit
You read this backwards.
OP said it is due to her/his dad’s addiction… would you stay with your husband of 32 years if he was addicted to: other women? Drugs? Gambling, and putting your retirement $ at risk?
Yes, be grateful that you have a good husband, don’t make OP feel bad because Mom did what Mom had to do. Even that point in life there are still things that are dealbreakers.
LordBalderdash@reddit
Does OP feel bad?
FrankParkerNSA@reddit
My wife has 3 coworkers our age that claim they are serving papers the day the youngest kids are out of college. One women and two men.
ginger_kitty97@reddit
I love how people like this claim they're "doing it for the kids" and then make it brutally obvious to those kids that they were the reason their parents were miserable.
Trolkarlen@reddit
They do not want to put their kids through a divorce, so they make them suffer through their terrible marriage.
NoYOUGrowUp@reddit
My parents tried to stay together using that logic. My father was an alcoholic piece of shit, and their eventual split was inevitable. At one point when we were both high school aged, my sister and I sat Mom down and told her we couldn't take it anymore, and they split a few weeks later. Happiest day of my life.
She tells us to this day that we opened her eyes to how badly things needed to end.
lantanabush88@reddit
How was your dad a pos? Asking genuinely because I cant believe all alcoholics are total pos's.
FrankParkerNSA@reddit
It's impossible to be a good parent or spouse to someone if your true love is something else - whether it be booze, drugs, porn, or gambling. You will always prioritize the addiction over everything and everyone else until you accept you are an addict and choose to change. If holding someone who loves you unconditionally in limbo and prioritizing something ahead of them doesn't make you a POS, I'm not sure what does.
livinitup0@reddit
This won’t be popular but….
People with a disease are not pieces of shit. They’re sick. If they weren’t, they would be behaving differently.
It doesn’t mean their mistakes or things they do aren’t shitty, or even forgivable, but it doesn’t make them a piece of shit or inherently make them a bad person because they’re not actively choosing these things 100% by their own free will.
lantanabush88@reddit
I agree. But they should not be free from consequences if they wont change on their own or by getting counseling and/or 12 step program.
NoYOUGrowUp@reddit
More like he was a piece of shit, exacerbated by his alcoholism. Mentally and physically abusive, overly comfortable with lying to get his way, passing out and pissing himself all over the furniture.
lantanabush88@reddit
Sorry you went through that. That is pos behavior for sure.
FrankParkerNSA@reddit
So now kids "think" this is the way relationship are supposed to work, and the cycle doesn't break. Just look at the r/deadbedrooms sub and it's full of this horrible logic.
Relevant_Fuel_9905@reddit
I think about it (23 years in) but I don’t see how to afford it. Other than rich people I don’t know how anyone can afford it in this economy. One income isn’t enough to get by with three teen kids.
Sudden_Idea9384@reddit
My parents divorced in theory early 70’s. They couldn’t be happier.
These-Educator-1959@reddit
58 years old. My ex got drunk at my 50th birthday party and announced to my group of friends at a restaurant that her friend she invited was actually her lover. We all kind of laughed it off that she playing lesbian as a joke. But when we got home she told me they were planning to raise her kids and that she wanted a divorce. We divorced but then she called me to tell me her friend was marrying a man and she felt deceived. It was far too late to recover. A year later she was married to her friend’s ex husband.
Beth_Pleasant@reddit
Well that was a wild ride. Hope the kids are doing OK!
These-Educator-1959@reddit
Part of our issues I imagine was infertility. It seemed, if I was guessing, that she really wanted to be a mom but couldn’t. That whomever she wound up with was going to be someone that would make her a mom/step-mom. But being totally honest, I don’t know. Maybe I was a terrible partner that pushed her to other people. Either way, I doubt I’ll ever date.
ThisMomIsAMother@reddit
What a ride!
Excellent-Seesaw1335@reddit
PositiveAd823@reddit
Frick! Is this a movie?
ObiWanKnieval@reddit
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
autofill-name@reddit
What a lovely birthday surprise!
Ianthin1@reddit
That’s… a lot.
flyamber@reddit
My parents divorced after 36 years.
DogsAreOurFriends@reddit
Me.
I would like to thank my parents for staying together for the kids sake: the fighting, drama, and general nonstop bickering was awesome.
MathematicianOk7508@reddit
Daily, as a kid i prayed my mom would leave him. But she was a knocked up teenage mom who found somebody to take her in her two year-old kid so she let him do all the abusing he wanted, but in her mind, it was better cause she stayed together with somebody for the “kids sake” now I have a lifetime of trauma I’m dealing with.
DogsAreOurFriends@reddit
I was so utterly disgusted by the whole situation growing up I shrugged it off.
Marriage one, wife simply refused to be kind and friendly, to the curb she went after a 2 years. I refused to bring kids into that situation.
Marriage two, wife decided to be my best friend (and I hers). 23 years and still going strong, raised two great kids in a (mostly - shit happens to best of us) drama free home.
No way was I going to give that shit show of an upbringing the power to rule my life.
StandardRaspberry509@reddit
My parents divorced after 43 years of marriage and 6 kids. Basically they got married in 1949 because she was pregnant and stayed married to raise the kids. I said even as a child that they weren’t really in a partnership/marriage but that they coexisted. Guess dad got tired of coexisting.
dudeatwork77@reddit
They were banging for 6 years at least. Can’t say they didn’t like each other
analogpursuits@reddit
Bold assumption. Not all women liked their husbands when they were having sex with them. They did it because that's just what you did.
lantanabush88@reddit
Thats insane. Not saying you are wrong.
NotUrAvgJoeNAZ@reddit
To those of you that are married to a spouse that has substance use issues, my heart goes out to you. I'm the one with issues in my marriage. My wife gave me the ultimatum years ago and it really was a gift. I do realize I was blessed by her generosity. 24 years married on the 25th and I count my blessings. Sending you all good vibes from Arizona. 🙂
lantanabush88@reddit
Congratulations
throttledog@reddit
Had a friend get the ultimatum while drunk and he said something like “I’ll drink as long as I’m married to you”. So when they divorced he really had to quit to save face. They remarried about two years later, no kids which is why he said he let himself got carried away in the beginning
False-Guard-2238@reddit
Left a 20 year abusive marriage at 50. I’m 55 now and living an even better life that I imagined possible.
MathematicianOk7508@reddit
Congratulations! That is commendable and good for you for finally putting yourself first
Affectionate-Map2583@reddit
My good friend left her husband last fall after cheating on him with a coworker for 18 months. I didn't know she was cheating or that she used me as her excuse as to where she was every weekend. We are no longer friends.
MNPS1603@reddit
My former MIL and FIL divorced after 43 years, they were 66,67 when FIL was found in an affair. This was ten years ago. FIL had a lot of guilt so he agreed to the worst divorce terms in history giving MIL basically all of their assets. It was very awkward, MIL is a difficult person, it consumed the family for about two years. MIL sold their dream house, which was her obsession. FIL was 66 or 67, had given her all their assets and didn’t have a realistic way he would ever be able to retire. 2 years later FIL suddenly announces he is engaged to a woman none of us had met. Again, this was a very dramatic moment. MIL out of the blue decides she doesn’t want someone else to have him so she tells him to come home He breaks off the engagement and comes home - the rest of us are expected to act like it never happened, even though MIL likes to use it constantly “if it wasn’t for what dad did i wouldnt have had to sell our dream house”. They literally hate each other and only got back together for financial reasons in my opinion. Glad o don’t have to hear about it anymore.
lantanabush88@reddit
Horrible
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
A few women I know had their husbands leave them when the woman got cancer. The cancer ward in the hospital has a support group for women whose husbands leave, because it's so common.
There's no need of a support group for men.
TheConvergence_@reddit
I don’t believe you. This is a well known wive’s tale that isn’t actually based in reality. Men don’t leave their sick wives in droves. This is just something people repeat without verifying. You’re obviously one of those people.
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
There are studies done . Men are 7 times more likely to leave when their spouse gets a serious illness.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202503/why-more-marriages-end-when-wives-become-ill-not-husbands/amp
RealStarkey@reddit
Women don’t leave dying husbands. Why would they accept half when 100% is a year away.
hippiechick725@reddit
Well that’s cynical!
TheConvergence_@reddit
You’re right. There are studies done. Smaller studies say yes, there’s a disparity. Two of those studies have done retractions. A regional Norwegian study found no disparity. Larger studies find no disparity. The scientific community is divided on this topic. It’s not settled. Anytime larger studies fail to replicate smaller studies, there’s a problem. Stating it as fact that men leave their sick wives is bullshit. Maybe true in some regions, not in others. It’s not a global truth that men leave their sick wives in droves. In fact, in the general population a cancer diagnosis is actually associated with a lower divorce rate (Hamlish, 2025). TLDR: The initial 2004 study is small, can’t be replicated. The larger 2015 study was retracted due to an error in how they coded their data. A 2021 review of the literature found no correlation. A 2025 study found lower divorce rates associated with cancer diagnosis.
Left_Guess@reddit
I totally believe this.
saracensgrandma@reddit
I thought you may be telling me something I don’t know and researched, and it seems like there is data backing the men leaving sick women. The stats I read said something like 12 percent of marriages end in divorce when a spouse is fighting cancer and it was something like 20 percent of women were left when fighting and 2 percent of men were left. The numbers are estimated because I am just going by memory, but it was close to that and appeared to be scientific data. What are you finding that differs?
ellensen@reddit
My wife got cancer, then heart disease because of the chemo. It took 5 years just to be able to get back to work and close to a normal state afterwards for her, if you mentally ever get back to who you where after something like that. It was brutal for both of us to get through, its hard to be a caregiver for a person being so sick and in such pain. I can understand that some can't cope and give up. Every problem in your relationship will surface when you both are under extreme pressure.
TheConvergence_@reddit
Firstly. I’m sorry that your wife got sick, and simultaneously so happy that she pulled through. Secondly, please provide your source. There is a an article about this subject, but it’s bullshit. Please provide it and we can talk about it.
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
"We find that only wife’s illness onset is associated with elevated risk of divorce."
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4857885/
TheConvergence_@reddit
An example of a small study that can’t be replicated in a larger format.
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
Illness is a very stressful time. I was very ill and still have chronic pain and our marriage was touch and go for a while. When my husband stepped up it gave me a deeper love for him. I wish you and your wife the very best.
JimTheJerseyGuy@reddit
The same reason a lot of marriages fall apart after the loss of a child. It’s a strain that many just can’t bear.
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
There are studies. It's really sad.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202503/why-more-marriages-end-when-wives-become-ill-not-husbands/amp
Ymisoqt420@reddit
A well known fact you mean because it isn't an old wives tale lmfao
QueenLuLuBelle@reddit
Raising my hand. Mine left 4 weeks after I was diagnosed. “Sorry to say I just don’t love you anymore” and waltzed out the door after 16 years. I pray karma is a bitch to him.
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
"This is too much for me." was what a friends husband said.
Her cancer was too much for HIM!
woodbanger04@reddit
Better or worse, sickness and in health. Sadly are treated as if they are just words to be said.
Left_Guess@reddit
That’s so grim.
Mediocre-Berry-6257@reddit
58m I took care of my now ex-wife through breast cancer and a raft of reconstructive and other surgeries. She seemed deeply appreciative at first, but overall illness brought out nastiness and spite mostly hidden for years. I was driven out of the house after the surgeries were over with. She refused to inform siblings about her illness (or to allow me to do so) and blamed me for her non-communication—and wishing it was I who had cancer, not her. There’s phenomenon of abusing your caretaker. She was cared for as well as I would’ve wished to be cared for.
In retrospect I regret every aspect of the marriage of eight years, apart from the procreation. Obviously I made a horrific choice of whom to spend my life with.
orthopod@reddit
Women just leave men when the men get fired, or can't get work .
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
He probably got fired cause he was a jerk. She left him because he was a jerk.
Excellent-Seesaw1335@reddit
I had no idea. That is heartbreaking.
97Whaler@reddit
58 divorced 3 years ago married 31 years-living alone and so happy!
Sea-Sherbet-6338@reddit
55 and feeling like i should follow your lead. No love or trust and i feel like shes just using me for the benefits.
97Whaler@reddit
Life is about being happy make yourself happy
Accomplished-Bus-531@reddit
Yes indeed.
CleMike69@reddit
I’m in the same boat my friend, used for my Financial position. Love is gone, trust is gone just doing our own things separately while raising kids. She gains immensely from a split I gain freedom, my issue is the cost of that freedom is mentally frustrating. I do travel a lot now so that’s a plus
Consistent_Switch378@reddit
I am 56F, married just shy of 19 years, I left right after my oldest graduated high school. I LOVE being single & my ex & I get along just fine!
Accomplished-Bus-531@reddit
56 and similar. Happy for the first time and without a relationship.
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
A friend in her late 49s got really tired if him prioritising his job over his family. Dates, family outing etc would be cancelled if someone called him looking for work to be done.
My parents split when they were early 50s. The marriage had been really bad for years. Then one of them inherited a house so could afford to leave.
I think many people "stay for the kids" and leaves once the youngest is 18+ or out if full time education.
Also, once women reach Menopause they are no longer willing to put up with crap behaviour.
Zestyclose-Dream-409@reddit
That last sentence is everything.
JenninMiami@reddit
My parents just started sleeping in separate bedrooms at least 10 years ago. 😅
Sierra_November_Lima@reddit
Seems to be divorce season in my friends group right now.
marshdd@reddit
Both my sisters. It's trite but true "Between now and dead, is this how you want to spend your life?"
la_winky@reddit
I got out in my 40s (not sure if that fits the demographic you’re inquiring about) and I’m very glad I did.
My relationship with my (now) adult kiddo is better than ever.
I’m sure this sucks for you that your family dynamic has changed in ways you weren’t looking for, but hopefully both parents will find a happier path forward.
Please stay connected to them both.
GreatOne1969@reddit
The PC police tell me it’s not always the women, which is true, but these comments do not paint a flattering picture.
OneLonelyBeastieI-B@reddit
Am currently going through one. 30 years. My theory on this is a lot of people waited until their kids were out of the house to file (or to realize how empty their marriage was)…
…or the Gen X woman was fed up at this point with all the shit they had put up with for decades, despite promising herself she would never get divorced, DONE with all the abuse suffered, and realized living alone for the rest of her life was vastly more attractive. Women predominantly are the initiators of divorce.
misanthropoetry@reddit
My parents divorced after 35 years together, my sister was about to graduate college and I hadn’t lived at home in 5-6 years. I haven’t spoken to my mom since.
AZJHawk@reddit
What happened with them?
misanthropoetry@reddit
My mom is a psycho. I’m sure they also had issues in their relationship or maybe grew apart but I was barely speaking to her as it was before she snuck off with half of their stuff and most of their money while he was at a conference, so I don’t really know the reason other than the typed and photocopied letter I received in the mail which stated that she was tired of being a wife and mother. My aunt and grandmother received them as well. Then she stole from my grandmother. Good times.
notguiltybrewing@reddit
You guys make me feel much better about never having married.
C_Finley15@reddit
To be fair, you’re on a post specifically asking about divorce. You aren’t going to hear from the people (like me) who have been happily married for almost 3 decades.
notguiltybrewing@reddit
That's true but I'm pretty bad at making relationships work and probably would have ended up in the same boat as op.
OptiGuy4u@reddit
Good for you! Same here..32 years this fall.
lowlatitude@reddit
Same. The levels of stress we missed out can be measured in astronomical units
Kimba26@reddit
My parents made peace with their almost laughable incompatibility in 1977 so that split is way in the rear view.
Ok-Lawfulness-3138@reddit
Resonated with me lol. My parents split when I was 2 and as an adult I always wondered how they ever made me! Friendly but so incredibly different with such different goals and outlooks. Both much happier with their lives I am sure.
bear-mom@reddit
I left my ex last year after 24 years together mostly due to addiction on his part. I waited for my youngest to be old enough.
HighJeanette@reddit
wtf is a grey divorce?
TulsaOUfan@reddit
My dad finally put his foot down and told my step-mother "no" after 36 years of marriage and raising my 3 sisters. She filed for divorce. He was 6 years older at 68. He managed the finances and had retired a few months earlier. She felt, as the man, he should be working and she should be retired (he worked route sales/merchandising/regional management for rug doctor when he retired while she worked reception at her cousin's body shop). She quit, took 10k from savings, ands stopped working - without telling my dad, thinking he wouldn't notice her not getting direct deposits or the missing savings.
There's so much more, but it's early and I've got to get ready for work.
Salt_Anywhere_6604@reddit
How can you be 31 and have gen x parents? Is that even possible? I suppose it is…
dearprude_nce@reddit
We married at 18, married 37 years this year but together nearly 39 (since late 1987) Kids 35 (pregnant at 19) & 30.
ElleGeeAitch@reddit
Sure. My sister and her husband are 59. Their children are 35, 33, and 30. Fifth grandchikd on the way!
Meanwhile. I'm over here at 52 with a 17 year old son.
tia2181@reddit
So glad I had my children later. Almost 58, met partner at 33. Daughters just leaving. One last Jan, last in August. Still happy as ever. 25yrs in August.
djak@reddit
I'm 60, my kids are 38 and 39. Had them close together when I was 20 and 21.
ByWillAlone@reddit
GenX is considered to be birth year 1965 to 1980.
To have a 31 year old child, that would mean becoming a parent anywhere from age 15 (if born in 1980) to age 30 (if born in 1965). Plenty of people are having kids at 15, and plenty are having kids at 30, and everything in between is pretty normal.
SnowflakeSWorker@reddit
I had my oldest at 17, he’s 31 now.
SnowflakeSWorker@reddit
I’m 49, and my oldest is 31.
Impossible_Balance11@reddit
Am 60. Have two in their early 30's.
AtticusFinchsMom@reddit
Am 54 and my oldest will be 36 in September.
My youngest is 30.
JillyKaren@reddit
My hubby and I are 53 and his son is 32 now.
hells_cowbells@reddit
Very easily. My brother is 58 and has a 38 year old. Hell, the second child is 33 years old.
SquirrelFun1587@reddit
The years keep coming.
DagnyTheSpencer@reddit
And they don't stop coming...
Until they do.
Sweetness_Bears_34@reddit
I’m Gen X and have one that’s 40
jacqleen0430@reddit
I'm 60, old GenX, had my first at 25. He's turning 35 this year.
Kindly-Might-1879@reddit
I’m 55 and my daughter is 28. Totally possible. The oldest GenX are 60-61.
ThisMomIsAMother@reddit
My son is 36. I was 22 when he was born.
gkcontra@reddit
Definitely possible. My son is turning 29 next month and we waited until 28 to have him.
TooManyPaws@reddit
Thinking about it. We’ve had our ups and downs in the last 30+ years, but the last few downs have been accompanied by some very ugly name-calling from him and words directed at me that were so shocking and hurtful that even with therapy (for me, he hasn’t participated) I don’t know if I can get past. 5 years ago I wouldn’t have imagined those words coming my way from someone who loves me - they were shear contempt. I have never even thought anything like that toward him. Can men be menopausal?
jcmacon@reddit
This is a primary reason that I do not call my wife anything other than "baby", "sweet pea", "honey", etc. I never refer to her in a negative way such as "my ball and chain", etc. When we argue, I only call her by her name. I mention how things make me feel vs things that "she did". All because words have power and meaning. If you hear something repeated 7 times, you start to believe it. So I just call my wife my soul mate, my partner, and my best friend. This way she will always be my perfect match. 23 years together and not stopping for anything. She and our 4 kids are absolutely the most important parts of my life and I don't want to even try to imagine it without them in it.
soaklord@reddit
The seven times thing is… interesting. In my experience it only works in the negative. Telling someone they are beautiful or calling the Gorgeous for years on end doesn’t overcome their self image but if you are insulting it is internalized very quickly.
jcmacon@reddit
You are definitely on to something about the negative self image and how that impacts a person's ability to hear and receive comments both negative and positive.
Ymisoqt420@reddit
Yeah mine has said some pretty hurtful things the past few years, even saying delusional things like he's the one that has done all of the cooking and cleaning for the past 15 years. I was like you know I have my child as a witness that you've never done a thing, I carry this household lol I honestly think he's got a brain issue at this point or a personality disorder. He thinks saying he hates everyone is something cute and quirky and people think is funny.
Watermelon_Sugar44@reddit
That's a fair question. I've only been able to identify SRS (sperm retention syndrome) or hunger as the driver of mood swings in men. I'd say ugly name calling is just a person attacking you to feel better about their own shortcomings.
VespaRed@reddit
Close friend got divorced pre-covid. It was financial suicide on many levels. She lives in a VVHCOL area as they had to sell their house of 20+ years and neither one could buy the other out due to the appreciation and tax implications.
glurbleblurble@reddit
My parents divorced in 2005 after 33 years. You get limited time on this earth and when there’s more years behind you than ahead of you, and you’re not living your life in a way that makes you truly happy, you owe it to yourself to go after that at that point.
meshuggahnaut@reddit
I’m 50 now, got divorced in 2024 after 20 years of marriage (18 if you deduct the separation).
We just became too different from each other to continue. Different goals, different priorities, different values. We never had kids, but still talk occasionally, and I’d even say we still love each other. But being together was simply no longer an option. We’d already come close to divorce in 2013 and 2018, and then 2022 was the final straw.
The amount of self improvement and personal growth I’ve done since then is remarkable, and I honestly don’t think it would’ve been possible had I stayed married. I wish it could’ve been different but I don’t regret the decision or outcome.
Logical-Mirror5036@reddit
I get the self-improvement angle. I had that happen after 13 years of marriage. Things are so much better now all these years later.
meshuggahnaut@reddit
I think for me, when I get my identity all tangled up with others (relationships, jobs, family, etc), I get overwhelmed and defeated into inaction and self-destruction.
Having only myself to live for and be accountable to has made all the difference. It’s given me the peace and space to think clearly and live with more intention and make better decisions. I’m just more grounded now.
Here’s to living better than ever at 50+. Cheers!
Shhted@reddit
My best friend’s folks split at 49 years of marriage.
Trolkarlen@reddit
My parents divorced after 32 years. Honestly, they should have split long before that. They had totally different life goals and didn’t see each other’s priorities, so that led to resentment and contempt.
tmchd@reddit
Probably myself and my husband soon. Idk about 'grey divorce' term thou.
My husband is addicted to alcohol. Life has become unmanageable because he would go on bender and be cruel verbally and everyone has to walk on eggshells due to his extreme moodswings.
Joeyschizo24@reddit
I’m am sorry that you are going through this
tmchd@reddit
Me too. I'm heartbroken. Thank you for your kindness. After over 2 decades of marriage....I've always imagined the two of us forever. But now. I feel very hopeless, alcoholism is such a horrible addiction. I can't do anything about it too.
annnamal@reddit
You’re not alone
tmchd@reddit
Thank you.
ccoakley@reddit
My buddy never had kids with his wife, but his divorce seemed like a late chapter sort of thing. His take on it is very wishy-washy, but he essentially divorced his wife because her best friend / business partner was clearly in love with her (no romantic interest in the other direction, though). This was the case from when they first started dating. But it clearly wore him down. The wife and best friend had multiple veterinarian-related businesses together and 3 houses on the same lot; 1 rental and they lived in the other 2. My buddy and the business partner/best friend/next door neighbor never liked each other.
Still, I didn’t really understand his reasoning. It seemed like she was in love with him, just with her own space. It also seemed more like he wanted to get away from the business partner more than he wanted to stay with his wife. He never stated that as a reason, though every explanation mentioned the business partner at least as often as anything else.
I knew multiple boomers that got divorced after my friends graduated high school (including the super-stable family everyone admired), but that buddy is the only GenXer I know.
specialPonyBoy@reddit
Interesting story. Maybe he should have realized this sooner. Maybe she should have put her marriage ahead of her friendship.
SteveCoonin@reddit
I’m 54, was in my 30s when my parents divorced after 40 years.
nomnomyourpompoms@reddit
Married 30 years, sick and fucking tired of having a sexless roommate for a wife.
QueenLuLuBelle@reddit
Ever ask why?
GroovyGmaIvy@reddit
I was married at 19 and divorced at 48. My ex-husband and I are both PTSD veterans. His provider overdosed him on lithium and when my husband woke up from his coma, he was very abusive and because he wouldn’t get help and continued to physically abuse me, I divorced him.
essdeecee@reddit
I hope you are in a good place in life now
GroovyGmaIvy@reddit
Much! Thank you. Divorced 4.5yrs now. I’m retired and I live next-door to my grandbabies. I’m struggling with a lot of medical issues, but I’m just taking it day by day.
Jew-zilla@reddit
Thank you for your service. You are an American hero.
xamott@reddit
Well, speaking as Gen X, I could answer your question if you’d tell us what “grey divorce” means. And if me not knowing what grey divorce is means I’m old - well yeah, this is the Gen X sub.
ProfessionalSilver52@reddit
I agree. No clue what he's asking 🤷🏼♀️
alanamil@reddit
it usually means after long marriages, you are older and gray, senior divorces (people in their 60+ are getting real common) but marriages over 25 years are getting very common too. People just decide they have had enough, life is to short to be so unhappy and they deserve a future of happiness.
alanamil@reddit
it usually means after long marriages, you are older and gray, senior divorces (people in their 60+ are getting real common) but marriages over 25 years are getting very common too. People just decide they have had enough, life is to short to be so unhappy and they deserve a future of happiness.
focalac@reddit
I believe it means getting divorced when you’re grey. I knew a guy that went grey at thirty though, so who knows if I’m right?
SunshineAlways@reddit
Yes, I really dislike when people assume “everyone knows that”.
I would venture a guess that it means being married for years, and then getting divorced in your elder, “grey” years.
Dazzling-Nothing-870@reddit
Yes my parents got divorced after 45 years together, both in their early 70s. My mother is a complete nightmare and my Dad just reached his limit. He's a tonne happier and she continues to be miserable. I no longer see my mother.
NYVines@reddit
My mother told me she was only staying with my dad to make him miserable. That was ten years ago. I wish they would have divorced.
Flaky_Wheel60B@reddit
What’s grey divorce mean?
Ymisoqt420@reddit
I had to Google it
"Gray divorce" (or silver divorce) refers to the demographic trend of couples over 50 ending their marriages after long-term relationships.
Deruji@reddit
It’s like Gandalf you’re grey then come back the white I think
justinchina@reddit
Old people.
BogusNom@reddit
Me. Married at 34. Walked out at 54. Just got tired of carrying the entire family on my own. He wasn't there from 7:30am to 6:30pm. He wasn't present when he was home. He ended up taking a redundancy and retiring early, turning nasty, angry and yelling. Refused to participate in counselling. I was too sensitive. He was always right. "What do you call yelling?" was his go to answer. It was heading straight for DV and was definitely abusive. I asked myself if I wanted to this for the rest of my life. Resounding no. I just got tired of being verbally and emotionally abused. After I said I was leaving, he started on our teenage daughter as well.
I used the local women's centre for activities, counselling, support, somewhere safe to just hang on. Mine is not an isolated story.
Many Gen X men treat women badly. They eventually get tired of it.
It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I've done so much in the last 5 years. Things I would NEVER have dreamed of doing. I even co-owned a professional wrestling company for a few years.
I should have left 6 years in but it is what it is. So many women advised me to stay because single parenting is so difficult. I lost my Self. It took a lot of work to heal from 20 yrs of wounds. I'm almost 60 now and I like myself more now than I ever have. Worth it.
Excellent-Seesaw1335@reddit
It makes me happy for you to read this. May your words provide hope and strength to other women in that situation.
BogusNom@reddit
Thank you. So many people stay with what's familiar. Being brave has reaped many rewards.
Zestyclose-Dream-409@reddit
My partner is 63 and his wife of 35 years left him 5 years ago. Their grandkids were grown and they hadn't gotten along in 20 years. He and I are very happy together and she is happier alone. Sometimes it's a good thing to throw in the towel.
Ok-Shelter-35@reddit
22 years married and the bedroom is like living in an igloo with a roommate. Once the kids graduate, who knows?
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
Hormones during menopause can be catastrophic on the sex drive and 50% of men in their 50s suffer from some form of ED It can be a very difficult time if open conversations and support isn't happening.
Impossible-Mud3275@reddit
The dead bedroom is a tough scene. Sorry it’s been so frosty in there.
Dry_Common828@reddit
If you take a look at the relevant men's or women's support subs, perimenopause is a big factor in a lot of over-45 relationship breakdowns, for what it's worth.
tmchd@reddit
Really?
Ugh. I'm going through it right now, to make it worse, my partner is a full blown alcoholic who's abusive verbally while he's on a bender (which is daily now) and oh, he's got liver fibrosis too.
I am starting to think we're not going to make it. I've lived in hell the last few months because of his alcoholism.
Dry_Common828@reddit
I'm really sorry to hear that.
To be clear, I'm not blaming the women here.
From being part of the conversations in the men's menopause group, it's clear that perimenopause is really brutal on women, and having a partner who's unwilling to change and support her can often be the final straw.
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
Menopause really did a number on me and I developed chronic migraine around that time too. We had to have a few very straight and heated conversations before my husband got it, but he did get it thankfully. If he hadstepped up our marriage would have been over.
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
Menopause really negativity affects some women. Also, chronic illnesses tend to hit us in our 40s and 50s. The lack of support and downright nastiness from husbands at this time is definitely a catalyst for marriage breakdown.
FrequentMembership76@reddit
100%. Now that we’re talking about it openly, I can see how husbands that don’t “get it” are getting the shaft. Mine listens to me obsessive tables about tracking my moods on the patch so all good here 🤣
Front-Cat-2438@reddit
“Silver Splitting” is what many are calling it. We were together 30 years. Wishing I’d left 23 years ago but had nowhere to go, and didn’t want our kids to be raised in poverty. Now they’re adults living in poverty because I didn’t get us out soon enough before PTSD robbed us of our backbones and belief in our self-worth. Don’t stay for the kids. You just end up hurting them worse.
whoops53@reddit
Oof! This hits hard. Same timeline, I stayed for the kids because I didn't want them growing up in the same way I did, and yet staying gave them a different set of problems. I was young and stupid, he was older and should have known better. Now apart, and the kids barely talk to me.
Front-Cat-2438@reddit
Damn, I am so sorry.
whoops53@reddit
Oh, thank you! Yeah, PTSD comes in many flavours, sadly.
CommonCut4@reddit
My parents divorced when I was 30 and I was just like damn, why didn’t y’all do this a long time ago instead of raising me in the most toxic atmosphere imaginable? People who don’t like each other should not stay together “for the kids”.
lucid_intent@reddit
Yes, my kids looked at me and said, It’s about time! I didn’t realize they were also feeling traumatized from his anger issues.
ThoughtIknewyouthen@reddit
Me, married at 19, divorced at 22 and then again at 25 and divorced at 48. Now happily married at 56. Ex #1 (see married at 19 above) just told me last month she is divorcing the guy she got pregnant to when we were 22. Married for 34 years. I was shocked.
Brilliant-Trick1253@reddit
As soon as my last step kid was almost done and ready to go to college, on my birthday. My 50 yo angry, menopausal, only-child, narcissistic, controlling, selfish, cold, manipulative wife told me she wanted a divorce. That’s one. My dad and my mom twice . That’s 3.
dudeatwork77@reddit
Congrats. Dodged a bullet there
sillvrdollr@reddit
More like, got the bullet surgically removed 😅
Audrey_Angel@reddit
She needed adjustment, it appears.
I think people prefer to be away from that kind of negativity. And it's a really typical kind of negativity, which could go either way or both.
Princess_Jade1974@reddit
Mum’s friend divorced her husband (boomers), she found out he was a paedophile. That man always gave me the creeps.
DeaddyRuxpin@reddit
My oldest sister, while technically a boomer, just got divorced last year. They are both pieces of shit. I’m shocked it took them 40 years to get sick of each other.
dudeatwork77@reddit
They were peas off a pod. That’s why they lasted 40 years
OG-BigMilky@reddit
Man… reading all these makes me wonder. We’re GenXers and 25+ years in.
ImplementUseful4923@reddit
There has to be a term for fucking everything.
hep632@reddit
Nymphomania? 😆
OG-BigMilky@reddit
😂😂😂
maddog2271@reddit
Several X friends had their boomer parents divorce in their 60’s. Some of them went smoothly and the families all remained on good terms, and others didn’t. It’s highly variable. I am 51 this year and my wife 52…I hope it’s not coming for us, but I think it is coming for some of our friends now that their children are moving out. You can see some of the couples more or less are friends that tolerate one another in the house for the sake of the kids, and once the kids are gone so will be the last reasons for them to be married. One friend of mine has more or less openly said he told his wife she “will either get on board or she‘s out”. He didn’t go into details nor did I press him so I don’t know what meant…but it’s brewing. For them and for a number of other couples we know.
Impossible_Balance11@reddit
Swinging. He meant swinging.
maddog2271@reddit
With this couple I would imagine the swinging is probably already in place. I don’t know why but they just seem the type. I think it’s probably money…something about goals.
Independent_Baker712@reddit
I am Gen X and got married later in life. My husband was married in his 20s. Divorced in his 30s.
My parents (Boomers) legally divorced when i was about 16. They separated when i was 12 and it was back and forth for years. My mom got married again when she was 60.
Oldest Gen X brother has been married 3 times. The Air Force was his problem lol
Middle Gen X brother is still married.
AZJHawk@reddit
We have a couple we’re fairly close to that seems headed for one due to the wife’s infidelity. Another friend from college got divorced a couple of years ago after 20 years of marriage and two kids. That’s about it.
So, not too many, but we know people who are going through it.
Optimal-Ad-7074@reddit
several of my friends. never been married myself so it's been interesting being the welcome (to single life) wagon.
I feel a little like Charon 😋
Impossible_Balance11@reddit
Well played.
Calyx76@reddit
Okay. WTF is a grey Divorce? Is that like a divorce where there is no clear cut reason. Everyone is an asshole and no one is overreacting?
Catnip_75@reddit
50+?
SquirrelFun1587@reddit
Well sadly if over 50 we are old. You don’t need to act or look it but still we are old.
Catnip_75@reddit
I feel older than I act everyday lol
Ribeye_steak_1987@reddit
Grey as in, the divorcees have gray hair
GenXed@reddit
It’s old people divorce. OP is calling us old, and needs to get off our lawn!
paulrin@reddit
Most of my friends got divorced within 10 years of getting married, just figured it wasn’t working. I don’t know anyone 25+ years married that is now getting a divorce. We just hit 26 years, and I cannot fathom splitting up now, except for them wishing to be with someone else.
TheNolaCatLady@reddit
I got divorced within 5 years of getting married... twice! 😂
Extension-Pick8310@reddit
Any thoughts of doing it again?
TheNolaCatLady@reddit
Absolutely not! I've been happily single for about 23 years and have no desire to have another human taking up space in my house.
TheNolaCatLady@reddit
Absolutely not! I've been happily single for about 23 years and have no desire to have another human taking up space in my house.
Kindly-Might-1879@reddit
Married 33 years. Can’t say that my husband and I always get along, but there’s no reason to quit now.
maddog2271@reddit
My wife and I have been together 29 years and basically same for us. And every time it crosses me mind to wonder what the alternative would be like I picture massive financial damage coupled with the dumpster fire of the dating market (from what I am told) and realize that unless there would be some precipitating event like infidelity or so on, I personally wouldn’t rock the boat.
Senior-Cantaloupe-69@reddit
Don’t place blame or take sides. It’s complicated and not your issue
lucid_intent@reddit
I divorced after 32 years. I should have left year 10.
ToddBradley@reddit
When I got divorced, I was 47 and my partner was 54. Is that "grey"? I've honestly never heard the term "grey divorce" until this post.
PrairieGrrl5263@reddit
My in-laws divorced because of Dad's addictions, so Mom could keep their house.
gatoenvestido@reddit
I was there myself a few years ago. Except we were both suffering from addiction. I got sober. She didn’t. It wasn’t great before that and it certainly didn’t improve after. We are still friendly though and I hope for nothing but the best for her.
oldirishfart@reddit
Isn’t anyone afraid of being old and alone in the world ?
prayingforrain2525@reddit
Nope
TheNolaCatLady@reddit
I'd rather be alone than with someone who disgusts me.
Lumpy-Artist-6996@reddit
I can only answer for myself, but being alone with someone in the house is worse than being alone by myself.
ErnestBatchelder@reddit
Yup. Being lonely with someone is way worse than being alone.
Least-Leading2457@reddit
Sounds almost to good to be true
Grtpumk369@reddit
Nope.
zabacam@reddit
Sorry to hear that. I’m 55, wife just turned 60. Very much still in love and say it every day.
Catnip_75@reddit
So far I don’t have any friends who have gotten divorced after 50. But we are all just 50 now. So who knows what the next 10 years will be.
93195@reddit
40 years is on the outside edge, but 25 to 30 years married (my age cohort) is really common. Kids grown and gone, the parents no longer have anything in common, and decide to get on with their lives.
Late_Blackberry_2482@reddit
OP said parents have been together for 40 years, not 40 years married. Guessing they were high school sweethearts.
curiousme123456@reddit
Getting there. In my head but not yet stated out loud “we are roommates and roommates who don’t get along “ getting close to saying soon ..by fall. Nothing left to lose and I know - will; blame it all on me - won’t sit still for more than 5 minutes before storming off after yelling. I’m passed the point of caring
wire67@reddit
inthestuck@reddit
I’m so relived not to take care of my ex after he drank alcoholicly for 30 years! I nursed him for 2 years once his body broke down from drinking and then got better. 20+ years married before he decided to reunite with an old flame. He left the gate open and I ran with it!
justaskingforanamico@reddit
Unfortunately….We have TOO much in common! Cheers to peace 😂
mannyocrity@reddit
I just had one. We will be technically married for 2 more months and then it is final. 20 years
Quirky_Commission_56@reddit
Very few of my friends ever got married and I’m the only one who had a kid, because my mom intentionally sabotaged my birth control because she knew I never wanted kids. And I never married anyone because I was never interested in marriage, but I probably would be a lot better off if I had only agreed to marry the Canadian who proposed to me. At least I’d have access to universal healthcare.🤷🏻♀️
yoursecretgf@reddit
Sorry about your evil mother.
CrobuzonCitizen@reddit
Gen X parent of 2 young adults. Separated in January, divorce will be final at the end of July. It's about damn time.
Walmucil@reddit (OP)
Was there any particular reason for the delay? Curious if you’d care to share.
CrobuzonCitizen@reddit
You don’t know until you know. You can't see it until you can see it. The delay was that i wasn't ready until I was ready. I had to be absolutely sure there was nothing left. That certainty took a long time.
The reasons there was nothing left were longstanding patterns that never did change, but I wasn't certain until I was fully convinced the patterns were fundamentally unchangeable.
OkPen8337@reddit
Are you trying to figure out why your parents are getting divorced? Did you try asking them?
GenXed@reddit
I am friends with a man who got divorced at 57 after 25 years of marriage.
CounterHead8523@reddit
Going thru it now. 30+ yrs married. Shithead couldn’t keep it in his pants and decided to wander. I’m too old for dealing with that shit anymore and wanted peace.
AnastasiaNo70@reddit
My brother and my best friend are both going through this now.
In my best friend’s case, no one ever wanted her to marry him in the first place. He was a psycho. 35 years. She’s finally free.
In my brother’s case, he found out his wife was cheating on him and furthermore, she had no plans on stopping.
headstone24@reddit
I’m turning 50 this year. My parents divorced in 2006 after 32 years.
SufficientOpening218@reddit
yup. genX divorced in 2020. best thing i ever did. should have left him years ago, but whatever. kids are 23 and 27
Walmucil@reddit (OP)
Was the delay in part due to waiting for your children to grow up? (If you care to share).
SufficientOpening218@reddit
yes.
Joe-_-Momma-@reddit
My ex and I were married 24 years. Our house and property went up 100x in value in 2 years. She saw the cash sign, was cheating, and hit me with a divorce.
I didn't know about the cheating till I hired a pi during the divorce.
gimme3strokes@reddit
Hiring a pi was the absolute best decision I ever made during my divorce! The information he gave me was priceless.
Phobos1982@reddit
We just had a post about this earlier today.
filtersweep@reddit
I’m in the middle of one
lucygoestothecoast@reddit
Many. A few I expected because I knew they hadn’t been getting along for years and a few I was totally shocked. Most of them happened when the youngest kid was a junior or senior high school.
mden1974@reddit
My parents got divorced after fourty years together. Waited till my younger sister graduated college and moved away. 25 years too late.
shitposter1000@reddit
Repost.
Gold-Pilot-8676@reddit
Honestly? None.
Kryceks-Revenge@reddit
Divorced ten years ago. Lost a toddler man incapable of adulting and my life is amazing.
newwriter365@reddit
Rock on! I did the same. Life is so much better.
aksf16@reddit
One of my friends got divorced a couple of years ago after 28 years of marriage, and another friend is currently going through it after 33 years of marriage. Both were the husband's idea. The husband in the 33-year marriage decided to cheat with a neighbor first. It's very sad to see.
jtrades69@reddit
me 52, her 42. she left me 4 yrs ago, permanantly 2 yrs ago.
first time was 2022 but she'd been been pulling away since 2019. son is now 8 in 2026. final divorce decree should be soon.
it doesn't quite match your situation. but i'm one more statistic 🤷♂️
Turbulent_Tale6497@reddit
My in-laws got divorced at 77. Freaking wild
Coffee_24-7@reddit
I got divorced at 55. Best move I ever made. Had a great fling after, spent a year soul searching and now I have the best GenX girlfriend ever. She's my punk rock soul mate.
Independent_Ad_5664@reddit
My cousin with 2 adult kids. They are 59 & 60 and been together 38 years. They’re taking their time though. Still living together, haven’t sold the house. No one knows why - maybe they grew apart. We don’t ask. She doesn’t tell. My guess is maybe he has a gf but I’d never say it to anyone. My cousin 59F suffers from very bad depression so maybe he can’t handle it anymore.
SFToddSouthside@reddit
I really don't know anybody going through that. Wife and I went through our potential divorce phase in our 30s, so we got it out of our system.
Rare_Magazine_5362@reddit
I’m sorry, what is a grey divorce?
I guess I could Google it but I suspect that I’m not alone and wondering so maybe if you could define it we could discuss it.
Walmucil@reddit (OP)
Sure! It’s a term used to describe later-life divorces - generally people over the age of 50 who have had long-lasting marriages.
Rare_Magazine_5362@reddit
That makes perfect sense, thanks. I guess I just don’t like to think of myself in that cohort ha ha
AcceptableMidnight95@reddit
Lots. We actually had a nickname for this. We called it the Texas two step. As soon as the youngest kid graduated high school the divorce was on. I actually know one couple that handed each other divorce papers at the graduation. Crazy common.
mmpjd@reddit
I’ve never heard of a grey divorce? I’ll have to look it up. Is it “grey” referring to older age?
Nots_a_Banana@reddit
Think of people who are 50+
Walmucil@reddit (OP)
Yeah, 50+ who have had long marriages.