Why do people say that we should grab a coffee sometime, but never follow up?
Posted by Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 114 comments
Can't tell if this is a British politeness/courtesy thing or whatever. I just struggle to understand why a lot of people I have spoken to have this tendency to remark "oh, we should definitely hang out/grab a coffee!" and never follow up.
Surely, if you truly wanted to see me again, you'd contact me and schedule a time and place. Why comment on the fact that we should meet up if you never intend to do so?
I feel like it's extremely unnecessary and if anything gives me false hope. I am now pleasantly surprised when someone does indeed contact me later and sets up time to go to a café with me.
Why say something you don't actually mean? Is this just a courtesy thing I'm taking too literally?
MeghanSOS@reddit
Because a we have busy lives. But also if you want to do it why dont you ask.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Because they've effectively already asked me, and I assumed my response of "sure, let me know when you'd like to!" implied that I am enthusiastic to see them and am willing to dedicate time for them whenever it suits them best 😂
I've just rarely been given a "I'm free [insert a date/time]" as a follow up from that haha
MeghanSOS@reddit
Nobody is making an effort because both of you are leaving it to each other. If i want to meet up I'll follow it up with an arrangement.
AccismusAnachronism@reddit
British people would rather be polite, then tell you the brutal truth.
Bright_Pen322@reddit
In anthropology, high-context and low-context cultures are ends of a continuum of how explicit the messages exchanged in a culture are and how important the context is in communication.
It depends on where you're from as to whether you'll feel the UK is more or less direct in communication.
https://www.coachingexpatriates.com/communicating-in-high-and-low-context-cultures/
If you're from Canada, Australia, USA, Switzerland, Sweden, Germany, Norway, Denmark or Finland you will find the UK is less direct in comparison.
Low-Cauliflower-5686@reddit
I've had it when I ask people if they want to go away a weekend, they say yes but when you chase they kick it in the long grass or "forget"
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
So even when you do chase, it still doesn't come to fruition? 🤔
Low-Cauliflower-5686@reddit
Yes, they say no or make excuses or it gets kicked in the long grass. You realise these people are just being polite and don't really want to go
Chamomile2123@reddit
It's a polite phrase to end the conversation
RPG_Rob@reddit
"Let's grab a coffee some time" means "This conversation is over, and I have no intention of voluntarily speaking to you again, ever."
ARobertNotABob@reddit
An insincere excuse we have adopted from American cousins.
chuckles5454@reddit
Because that's British code for 'Get the hell away from me'.
kdot122@reddit
British politeness. Other nationalities follow up with a time and date to make it happen.
Limp_Mix5958@reddit
Social anxiety for me.
Timely_Egg_6827@reddit
It is just a politeness thing. If they did want to see you again, they would schedule as you say.
What it means is I have enjoyed talking to you enough that if I see you again, I will come over to chat. Friendly acquaintance is best way of describing it.
thecxsmonaut@reddit
This kind of coded secret language is so painful
Timely_Egg_6827@reddit
It's hardly coded if you are brought up in British society. It's a bit like saying spelling colour with a u is a coded secret language or the fact that Japanese people bow in a business meeting is coded.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
That makes sense! I like the way you've put it and have essentially translated this for me haha, thank you 💛
Violet351@reddit
People have good intentions but they get busy and forget
Southern-Orchid-1786@reddit
Do you go back with anything to arrange it or put a timescale on it, eg that'll be great, I'll give you a call in a few weeks
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
I don't actually, as I usually indicate that they should let me know of their availability (e.g. "let me know when you're free").
Perhaps I'm putting too much responsibility on them by saying that. First they felt responsible to be the one mentioning meeting up again, and now they feel more responsible for providing me dates and times to work with.
Occasionally I have though. Sometimes I say an exact date and time, and they'll say they'll let me know if they can make it, and alas they do not respond 😂 life getting in the way I believe
Southern-Orchid-1786@reddit
I've found I can't really complain about people not following up, if I don't then message them a few days or week later. It is however also just a polite turn of phrase
DNBassist89@reddit
I would never say no to a friend or acquaintance who wanted to meet up for a coffee, but I am absolutely terrible at initiating contact.
There's so many people that I'll have said "hey, let's catch up for a coffee soon" and then just forget to follow up on it, and if they haven't followed up on it themselves, I'll convince myself that they don't want to meet up. A self inflicted vicious circle.
lxxmng@reddit
It is just the British way of saying goodbye without being blunt. In London "we should grab a coffee" is basically a social ritual where both people pretend they are not too busy and tired to actually meet up. If there is no specific date or time mentioned then the coffee is purely imaginary
Intruder313@reddit
I am 100% reliable and don't suggest things like this unless I mean it. I still meet friends from decades ago! No escape from me - you'd wish I was being insincere if I said it because I'll still be arranging coffee runs 30 years later!
LittleSadRufus@reddit
They've said they're open to a coffee with you, so if that's what you want after a few days or whatever you need to invite them out for a coffee. Otherwise they'll just assume you were not actually interested.
It's an informal opening gambit, not a commitment to become social secretary (so "let me know when" is not a valid move but effectively a polite refusal as they'll rarely follow up). So your move next.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
I see, so it's actually an indicator for me to do the inviting. I thought that they were the ones doing it with the remark in the first place.
I've been saying "let me know when" for a while... But I've genuinely meant it! I've never meant to put anyone off by saying that. If anything, I've always replied with that as I want to be flexible with their plans and simply adjust my schedule to fit them in, as they were the ones who came up with the idea to meet up.
In essence... Are they essentially asking or hinting at me to invite them?
escapingfromelba@reddit
Honestly, it can be an invite to genuinely meet up again or a polite brush off. Nobody ever has any idea over the internet.
Many people love to fill the void at the end of seeing someone when it's time to go and something needs to be said, but it can be just filler like asking someone how they are at the start. It's not meant literally by lots of people, they just say it because people just say it.
I bumped into someone I used to do a lot of beers with who keeps saying that we should meet for a drink and is really chatty when we see each other, and it's got to the point where I'm teasing more and more harshly as I now state that I've never turned down any invitation they've sent. And I know that I've messaged more than once.
My theory is to message after a while to see if the person wants to meet up. If you only get back excuses and no alternative dates, then you don't bother.
LittleSadRufus@reddit
They're indicating they're open to building a friendship, but being a little coy about it as it stopped being cool to say "Will you be my friend?" in Year 2. So next step is for you to make a gesture, and not to lean on them as organiser but take equal weight, and in this fashion these little gestures build up until a friendship is formed
Crayons42@reddit
It’s a polite way of saying they don’t really want to meet you, but they also don’t hate you.
travelingwhilestupid@reddit
"Surely, if you truly wanted to see me again, you'd contact me and schedule a time and place. Why comment on the fact that we should meet up if you never intend to do so?"
Hang on, you want the other person to show the initiative but don't want to message them first...?
Hour-Estate-2962@reddit
If I say it I always mean it but I think because of awkwardness would feel pushy giving a list of dates, almost like I'm asking twice. Ideally for me I'd say 'we should go for coffee sometime' and you'd say 'great, I'm free next weekend if that works?' or something like that. If you say 'yes we should, let me know when works' it's possible my anxious brain would worry that you didn't mean it but didn't know how to say 'I don't want to'. Which is stupid really, we should all just feel more able to say what we actually mean!
I invited a neighbour to a BBQ once and he said 'no thank you but could you pop a burger through my window'. I still think about how great that response was. So honest, he got his burger, no one felt awkward. I wish I could be more like him.
El_John_Nada@reddit
Usually, if I say that, it means that I'm putting the ball on your side: I indicated clearly that I'd live to grab a coffee sometimes, so I'm expecting you to follow up when you want to do so. If not, I assume you're not interested and didn't want to be rude when I offered.
Bipolar03@reddit
Because we're British and it's the way we like things 🙂
Ay-Up-Duck@reddit
I just take it literally, but I see them expressing the interest as them serving the ball over to me, so I serve back to them by saying I would love to and give them some rough times when I'm free and leave it up to them to follow up.
If I say to them that I would like to get a coffee and they agree then I will either send them some times im free or ask them to send over some times they're free
If I genuinely want to meet them I will always try to take the next steps early on because I'm not good at organising things and I think people fear rejection and live gets in the way. It's hard to make friends as an adult but I have literally made all my friends as an adult by following up on the coffee suggestion - If I had left it up to them I don't think things would have move forward, but I am in my late 30s now and can't be bothered with social dancing
Verlorenfrog@reddit
Definitely just a pleasantry, doesnt mean it will ever actually happen, my sad ass has learnt the hard way, its a brush off, means nothing ):
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Aww I hope the next time someone proposes it to you, they really do mean it! 💛 As some of the comments have suggested here, I think there are some nuances and perspectives to take into consideration, so perhaps that'll help you feel a bit better 🤧
Verlorenfrog@reddit
Thanks, i no longer chase people like i used to! If they really mean it, will happen, just has to be a 2 way thing!
Ultimate_os@reddit
Yeah, I just let people come to me now.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Yeah, it seems like it is a two way thing. Both in the anxiety of whether it's genuine, and also the initiation of the plan in itself 😅
BuncleCar@reddit
Often it's just meaningless, not a genuine offer: a friendly but empty gesture that's just a way of saying 'nice to have met you'.
Ultimate_os@reddit
They are trying to be polite. I just think it's actually the opposite. I don't say it unless I genuinely want to see them.
CaptMelonfish@reddit
Because they'd like to, but in reality life gets in the way.
I've done this, friends have. it's adulting.
gone are the carefree days of ringing up your mates and going "Pub?"
or "GET READY WE'RE PILING INTO *friend*'S CAR AND GOING TO THE BEACH!" texts etc etc.
terryjuicelawson@reddit
You are able also to offer a time and place yourself if you wish. This kind of offer is genuine I think but the suggestion can sort of fade away, hard to fit in, worries you'll put the person on the spot with a specific time - I find drinks meetings tend to be a bit more spur of the moment than diary entries?
HashDefTrueFalse@reddit
I just take that to mean "if you asked me for coffee, I'd probably say yes" but not any kind of invite in itself. So in that situation, I'd probably be the one to follow up, not expecting them to.
e817kenley@reddit
I’m autistic and I struggle with this. Someone said it to me years ago, I didn’t actually want to see them again and I still panic that they’re going to call me out of the blue to meet for coffee.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Oh lord, let's hope the day doesn't actually come 😭 it seems I'm not alone in the struggle though (however I don't believe I'm neurodivergent).
The replies are an interesting mix of "who" bears the responsibility of following up, so it seems we all have different expectations around this 😂
e817kenley@reddit
Ha ha, definitely the person who suggests it IMO
CoffeeandaTwix@reddit
Surely it is a genuine thought in the moment.
Have you never met someone, got on well and thought - we should meet again but then in hindsight thought either you are too busy for a new friend or that although they were nice enough maybe you don't have that much in common etc?
Same with dating... You can have a lovely night out and in the heat of the moment think you should pursue it but then think afterwards, actually maybe there isn't enough motivation there to pursue it.
Peanut0151@reddit
I'm guilty of this. I have every intention of following up but if too much time passes I think it might seem awkward
ams3000@reddit
It’s a nice thing to say in the moment and you do sort of mean it but it’s also a nice way to leave someone and feels less final. I don’t think it’s a confirmed arrangement. It’s vvvveerrrry loose and not expected to be taken up.
Fatal-Eggs2024@reddit
Often, it is a sincere interest but then they get busy.
Fwoggie2@reddit
Agree. I have a family to look after. If you really want coffee aim for a Saturday afternoon and give me a choice of three Saturdays in not less than a few weeks time. When it comes to beers with the boys (all of us are within 90 min or central London) we have to plan at least three months out.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
That makes complete sense, and honestly I'd rather someone just told me what you've just detailed here! If only it went like this:
"We should grab a coffee together" "Sure! Let me know when you're free." "Saturday afternoons work. Give me a choice of three Saturdays in no less than a few weeks time"
Bam 😂
Fatal-Eggs2024@reddit
My life has many of these “we should get coffee” or “we should get lunch” people, it never bothered me, if I want coffee or lunch I work on picking a day/time and make it happen. I notice some people — even good friends — won’t propose a date time and place, they are followers not leaders in any activity, and they aren’t going to change. But If I say “how about that coffee we talked about? Does Thursday 9am at Coffee Express suit you?” It comes together very quickly.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
I see! It depends on the dynamic for me. In some cases I am the leader of an activity, especially if it is a group one. But when it's one on one, I try not to assume the leader too much as I find it very easy to fall into a one-sided ordeal where the other person begins to consistently rely on me to pull them along.
From all the comments here, it seems as though a balance must be struck to get it right! 😅
Fatal-Eggs2024@reddit
There is no right or wrong. It just doesn’t really matter. If one wants to get coffee, then pull it together. If not, then don’t.
Opposite_Funny9958@reddit
This! I do lots of crafting and was after spectacle cases last year - a lovely neighbour offered some but she’s across town and I have panic attacks so despite trying to arrange something three times, we never managed that coffee - I got a message last week asking if I’d like to try again to meet up for that coffee (and spectacle cases case collecting!) this year! Damn straight I do! Let’s see if her schedule and my panic attacks will let that happen THIS year!
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Oh bless, I really hope you're able to get those spectacle cases and that your panic attacks don't get the best of you 🤧💛
Whatever you're working on sounds interesting, so wishing you all the best of luck on that too! 💛
DigitalAmy0426@reddit
Literally the adult world, heard of it happening in several places. For me personally, I am the type that goes home "hey honey I saw so and so today, oh shoot I gotta check my calend- SQUIRREL"
And it can be weeks or more before I even think of it again and by then it's absolutely now too embarrassing to follow up.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
I see. I can understand life getting in the way, honestly, and I can see how it can feel embarrassing to follow up especially if they haven't sent you any correspondence.
To play devil's advocate... Maybe they also feel embarrassed to ask you about it because they don't want it to seem like they're holding you accountable for it or that they're trying to chase you to hang out with them. Perhaps they don't want to seem desperate or something.
But you also don't want to appear desperate in trying to make it up to them and whatnot, and you don't want to appear as though you forgot all about them and have only now just remembered.
I can see why this is a tricky situation for the both of you 😅
Conscious-Ball8373@reddit
While the above is true, "We should grab a coffee sometime," can also mean, "I don't like spending time with you and I want to get out of this conversation but I'm not going to tell you that bluntly so I'm going to suggest a vague plan with no detail I could ever be held to that I'll quietly forget about and hope you do too."
There's not necessarily a hard line between one and the other. Sometimes life does just get in the way and someone would like to grab a coffee with you but you're not their absolutely top priority. You can fall anywhere on that spectrum.
Competitive_Test6697@reddit
Conscious-Ball8373@reddit
Yep. Loads of lines from that show.
"We should do this again" -> You will never see me naked.
"It's not you" -> it's definitely you.
"You're such a nice guy" -> I'm going to be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you.
"I think we should see other people" -> I already am.
NoIndependent9192@reddit
It’s a social cue to end the chat and move on without saying that they want to end the chat. In business settings it would be handing over a business card.
It’s not personal. People just don’t like to say that they are ready to move on.
Everything has a subtext and this is one of them.
MercatorLondon@reddit
It means that lines of communication are open.
Feel free to follow up - hey, I will be in the area next week and want to follow up on that coffee.. But don’t push too hard.
This is hardly a British thing. As far as I recollect every country have a similar phrase.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
How can I ensure I don't push too hard? Does that mean I should wait until it's appropriate to ask for an exact date and time?
MercatorLondon@reddit
Good starting point is to accept the fact that world is not revolving around you. If you want something to happen you often need to push for it yourself. Just don’t ambush people and leave them enough wiggle room to agree around their schedules and keep it short/casual. Just think what would make you comfortable if someone is trying to arrange meeting with you.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
I fear what would make me comfortable is a bullet point list with available times and dates of one's availability over the course of the next week or two 😅
I haven't seen many people do it that way, so I'm assuming it's not common practice.
I'll see what I can do to strike a balance! 💛
MercatorLondon@reddit
What you are proposing is perfectly acceptable solution for arranging a business meeting.
Not for a casual coffee.
But then I am not sure who are you planning to meet and for what reason.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
It would be for a casual coffee, yes 💀
I simply like being told an exact date and time when it comes to social things. Going to a coffee shop solo is completely fine to happen at any point. Going to a coffee shop with another human being requires time to dedicate to that person, where I know that nothing else will call for my attention. Hence... I need the date and time 😭
Swimming_Possible_68@reddit
What's stopping you getting in touch with them to organise the coffee meet up?
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Quite literal factors (e.g. I don't have their contact details) or my assumption that they will organise it as they were the ones who suggested the idea in the first place 😅😅
FreeBogwoppits@reddit
People are surprised and awkward whenever I follow up on that coffee meet-up suggestion. So now I consider it just a courtesy close phrase on a conversation.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Yeah! It seems as though making it a genuine plan can break the social script or whatever a little bit 😅
EatingCoooolo@reddit
If someone said that to me, I’m definitely not going for a coffee with anyone anywhere. If you say let’s grab a wine then we’re in business.
Most people are so boring when they are at work or sober.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
😂 I have yet to be invited to drink wine with someone. That'll be a first! I feel like anyone can be interesting as long as enough attention is paid to learn about them 👀 Perhaps being at work or being sober prevents them from revealing more to themselves than they let on 😅
EatingCoooolo@reddit
You know those work conversations that are so boring you can’t wait to leave the kitchen and go back to your desk. If you catch the same person in the pub it’s much better even if they are tipsy but at least they are not in an environment that they hate going to.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
That's a good point, the environment itself could also play a role as well. Hopefully the next person who talks to you at work captivates your interest to ease the workplace a little! 💛
Sugarlips_80@reddit
I think it is a mix of all the responses you have had so far.
For some it is a politeness thing /a way to gently end an encounter "got to go, we should meet up for coffee sometime" - in this case the coffee probably won't happen.
For some it is a genuine offer "we should meet for coffee sometime" but I would expect it to be followed up by "when is good for you?" Or a message a few days later arranging the meet up.
For some it started as a genuine offer but life got in the way and they forgot. Or will follow up months later and eventually "meet for coffee"
I see it as not only a British thing but a brain thing. Those of us who have neurodivergent brains often take thing very literally so "we should meet up for coffee sometime" means we WILL meet for coffee. Simular to ending a phone call with "speak to you soon". To me that means they will literally "speak to me soon" to them it means, "I am ending the call, telling them I will speak to them again soon is the polite thing to do, even if it is not my intention."
It has taken me a long time to train myself to not take these types of interactions literally and (most importantly) if I want to follow up i do so. Either to arrange the coffee/meet up or to ask for clarity into what they are meaning and what their intentions are. I explain that I can take things literally and so prefer clarity. Never had a bad response to this.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Exactly this!! This is literally how I feel in a nutshell. So perhaps I'm not insane to be waiting for the follow up.
Does it not?? 😭 Neurodivergent or not, surely that is what the phrase means, right? What else could it possibly mean?
Is this a genuine thought? As in the whole, "even if it is not my intention" thing?
At this point I almost feel like being polite is just another way of being rude 😂 I'd rather they literally just say goodbye rather than faff around with plans and things they don't even intend on making solid and simply add for fluff.
Perhaps I should do the same 🤔
Thank you so much for such a detailed reply, by the way! I hope the next person who ever asks you to meet up genuinely does intend to do so 💛
Sugarlips_80@reddit
"At this point I almost feel like being polite is just another way of being rude 😂"
Welcome to being British!! Where politeness is often rude and rudeness is often hidden behind politeness!!
Ultimately it comes down to what you need. From the post and your reply it seems you are someone who needs clarity with no fluff so ask for it. A simple "do you mean that? Because you said the same thing 6 months ago and then never followed up, this left me confused and unsure about our friendship" will open a conversation and hopefully give clarity.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
I have lived here for at least twenty years and have learnt absolutely nothing apparently 😂
Goodness, just reading that made me feel a bit nauseous in a way haha, I fear I'm accusing the other person of being a flake! 😅 But you're right, perhaps I should be more clear about that.
MrPogoUK@reddit
I think only you and the person who said “it takes two to tango” have got anywhere near one major possibility most people have missed: the person who says it genuinely wants to meet up again but is unsure if you want to, so they’ve proposed the general idea and are waiting for you to make the next move when it come down to actually arranging something.
It seems the average interaction goes something like “we should meet for coffee sometime!”, “yeah, definitely!” and then nothing happens. Everyone here seems to be assuming it’s all on the person who said the first part of the sentence to follow up on it as they’re not sure if it’s a genuine offer; it’s just as likely the person who offered isn’t sure if the other person’s positive response is genuine, so quite possible both parties are just waiting in hope the other makes the next move.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
You're right! I think I struggled to see it as a hint to initiate too, as I've always viewed it as a statement/invitation on their part (hence the waiting for them to follow up).
I suppose we're all doubting each other 😂 I'll bite the bullet next time to show that I believe that the shot was a real one and fully arrange to meet up; even if it means being told it feels appointment-like 😅
Immediate-Platform59@reddit
Why don't you follow up then?
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Depends if I have the literal means to (e.g. their contact details. In which case... See my other comment on how that's another issue 😂 but it's completely my fault)
I try to by indicating that I'd love to hang out with them and to let me know when they're available, but I fear it doesn't land as I want it to! 😩
GoldenHour_Muse@reddit
I get frustrated with this as well and have been disappointed in the past. You soon learn who genuine people are
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Seems to be the case! Although the mix of replies here indicates that both parties are in this odd limbo of "do they want to or do they not?" regardless of which role they're playing, so it's definitely something to consider 🤔
Flonkerton_Scranton@reddit
Because some people just do the cadences of conversation to feel good
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
I am struggling to comprehend this for the life of me 😩 why would you only say something just to feel good about saying it? Surely it'd actually feel even better if you meant it too? 😂
Afinkawan@reddit
Surely, if you truly wanted to see them again, you'd contact them and schedule a time and place?
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Good point. The next problem is the fact that I usually share my contacts with them, but I forget to ask for theirs back 😂😂😂 usually I'm too engrossed in the current conversation that I'm adding in my contact details on auto-pilot on their phone, forgetting that I should also ask for theirs in return. That's my bad, really.
I suppose I see it as them inviting me, rather than them hinting at me to invite them or whatever 🤔 so I wait for them to provide a time and place after I show that I'm enthusiastic to see them again (e.g. "I'd love to! Let me know when you're free")
Tallman_james420@reddit
"We'll have to catch up soon"
Is usually my go-to, if I bump into someone I haven't seen in a long time but don't have time to stand around having a full conversation about how life is going.
Soon is an indefinite amount of time. It may be followed up on, it may not.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
I say that too in that situation. And that makes sense as you have already established a connection with them previously. I suppose my confusion stems from those who I have just met or acquaintanced myself with 😅
TheJonatron@reddit
Busy having coffee with 1% of all the people who they proposed coffee with. Legit though, unless you talk specifics and propose a time place and activity then you're pissing in the wind.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Exactly. I fear it isn't appropriate to whip out my calendar and go "right, so I'm available after 16:35 next Monday, before 12:00 on Tuesday, booked out on the Wednesday but on Thursday..."
Sometimes I have done something akin to that (giving them time to respond between each date and time, of course) and they'd remark how it's almost as if they need to schedule an appointment to see me 😂😂
I don't mean to make myself sound as if I'm an exclusive, one of a kind person who only appears like a rare Pokemon to catch. I just like being told when and where I should.
MaleficentAnalysis27@reddit
Annoyed by this too! You never know if they mean it or they just trying to be nice...
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Right! I can't trust the phrase 😂 it's baffled me for a while. But now I realise that I may need to step up more clearly
ButteredNun@reddit
I’ve never suggested having a coffee / beer with someone and not meant it. People don’t do that with me either - maybe they really don’t want to!
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
😂 I'd rather have it your way! The mix of replies is incredibly fascinating to me
MiniCale@reddit
I think a lot of people don’t take it seriously or don’t know if they should contact you or wait for you to message.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Seems to be the common dilemma alluded to here! 😩
ServerLost@reddit
Takes two to tango.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
I feel as though they've stretched out their hand and invited me to tango, and though I've stepped up to take it and have happily said yes, I somehow lose them on the dancefloor
Cultural-Ambition211@reddit
Exactly. Why do they need to be the one to organise it?
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
My first thought was "because they were the one who invited me?" but I can see how the comment above applies.
I think in my head I'm treating it as an invitation. It's as if someone says they want to invite me to their birthday party or something. I'll ask them to "let me know" when it's happening and I'll go if I can.
So the same thing applies here. They invite me for coffee or whatever. I'll ask them to let me know when they're available, and we can schedule something in the calendar.
Only that very rarely do we get to the calendar part lol
Perhaps asking them to let me know of their availability is too vague? Because I'm almost expecting a list of dates and times whenever I ask that, but that's implied and I wouldn't demand anyone to bring out their Google calendar on the spot 😂
Sage-Freke-@reddit
Maybe they are suggesting it with the intention of asking but then don’t have the confidence to actually ask you later on. Or maybe suggesting it to let you know that they want to and think that if you don’t suggest it later then they’re the only one that wants to meet up.
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
Potentially. But usually I am quite happy to, and I reciprocate the enthusiasm to see them again as well. I could be at fault here though, as I wait for them to suggest a time and place. In my head, the thought process I'd imagine on their behalf quite linear: if they're already envisioning a place to see each other again, then surely the next thing in the script should be a "I was thinking of [insert place to meet up again]" and bam.
Or maybe I should be the one to suggest it??? Should I have taken it as a hint to come up with the meeting spot instead?
GuybrushFunkwood@reddit
Perhaps they were talking to the person behind you ?
Embarrassed-Spite499@reddit (OP)
I'd love for this to be a possibility, as the phrase is usually said after a full fledged conversation 😂 I've just found myself to be the middle man 🤔
Alzdeejay2@reddit
Let's do this again means let's not do this again 🤣
Mudlark2017@reddit
Let's circle back to this question in a few weeks
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