ULPT: How to Deter door to door salesman?
Posted by Lonely-Raspberry5727@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 246 comments
Is there anything o can say that would shorten these interactions? I have a sign by my door (usually ignored).
I live in an area where door to
Door sales are quite common.
I have kids who play outside, and am
Often interrupted but pushy salespeople.
I don’t want to be a complete bitch, but I want to send them on their way, as quickly as possible.
Any tips would be greatly appreciated!
mslass@reddit
I was chopping onions for dinner when someone knocked on my door. I brought my 10” chef’s knife with me when I answered the door. The solicitor said “Wow, that’s a big knife; would you mind putting it away?” I replied “You’re on my porch, soliciting a conversation I don’t want to have. You don’t get to set the terms.” He excused himself and departed. Now I always bring the knife when answering unsolicited knocks. In the rare instances when that doesn’t discourage the solicitor, I interrupt their spiel with “I don’t conduct business on my front porch. Goodbye,” and the close the door.
Winter_Persimmon_110@reddit
If it's the police knocking you could die like that.
jonesey71@reddit
If it is the police knocking you can die holding a cellphone, or a game controller, or a legally owned firearm, or nothing, or a tv remote, or a ...
Dunkleostrich@reddit
Or nothing at all
metalflygon08@reddit
Shot while I'm holding, nothing at all!
Nothing at all!
Nothing at all!
mslass@reddit
If it’s the police knocking I’m not opening the door, I’m asking “Do you have a warrant?” If the answer is no, I’m starting my video recording and shouting through the door “I do not consent to this contact. I am revoking your license to be on my property. Please leave. If you wish to speak with me, obtain a warrant.”
Then I’m calling a lawyer.
FilthyThanksgiving@reddit
You can tell when it's the police. They all knock like fucking giant 4 year olds who just discovered what knocking is
The_Dukes_Of_Hazzard@reddit
They do a lot of things like giant fucking 4 year olds lol
stevediperna@reddit
"Sorry, we rent."
Stops them all dead in their pitches.
drinkslinger1974@reddit
I usually say “this is my brothers house I’m just visiting” and then add what an asshole he is. Usually keeps them away.
metalflygon08@reddit
This is my brother's house, I'm just taking care of it until he gets out of prison.
metalflygon08@reddit
That's how I get past the aggressive Shingle/Shutter/Window salespeople that hang out around the Costco entrance.
They immediately don't want your time.
The Mobile company people I just say I have them as my carrier already.
ohpickanametheysaid@reddit
That’s great! I can sell you renters insurance, credit repair services, moving company and solar for your new house!
thomasjmarlowe@reddit
They never do though- 95% of the time they fuck right off. Or if you accidentally answered their phone call, once you say this they hang up on you
Repulsive_Brief6589@reddit
I meant I squat. Do you want to join my downline?
Puceeffoc@reddit
"Oh maybe I'm not explaining myself correctly. Sorry we rent."
Dragon_Small_Z@reddit
Yup this is the answer. I did door to door sales. Instant "Ok we'll have a nice day!" from me.
eileen404@reddit
I don't even open the door. Waving a hand with a dismissive go away motion and then walking away suffices. They always turn around and have.
Flashy-Library-6854@reddit
This is what I do too. My tv room is window is next to the front door, if I am feeling really pissy I wont even look at them standing outside, and just let the dogs bark until they go away. My husband cant stand it, he thinks we should always answer the door. My take is it is my door and I dont have to answer it if I dont want to. Same with the phone.
Knever@reddit
Does he get all huffy when he gets a scam call?
blink182__@reddit
exactly bro, if youre allowed to know on my door, im allowed to ignore it
ballsack-vinaigrette@reddit
Agreed! My GF told me that I didn't have to be such a jerk to these people; I replied that it's not my fault that they took a job as a professional asshole.
toomanyhobbies4me@reddit
This also works at the county fair, when you walk through the hall with the roof, windows, and doors folks. Tried it on the chiropractor, it confused him enough that we were able to get away!
Harry_Gorilla@reddit
My employer provides my housing
stevediperna@reddit
No really, that's two more words than you need.
You don't even need to include the word "sorry", just "we rent" is enough to end the entire interaction
hide_pounder@reddit
I use it a lot and it works every time. For the ones asking about solar service, internet, cell phones, all that stuff, I either tell them my brother works for the company we use, so we get a great discount that wouldn’t be comparable to any kind of “new member discounts.”
Secure_Ad8013@reddit
“I’m a squatter”
ltcftp@reddit
As a former renter, I can tell you this does work for a lot of stuff. Decks, fences, tree trimming / yard work, solar, etc. Anything the landlord would be responsible for.
Critical_Opening_526@reddit
As a current homeowner, I use this one often.
Impossible-Web545@reddit
Good news, I am not just selling volcano insurance, I am also selling renters insurance!
ze11ez@reddit
I don't rent. I lease!!!!!!! From the renter!!! Or something
No_Address687@reddit
I always say, "No thank you, I'm not interested." Then I shut the door even if they're still talking.
This also works when they catch you outside.
No_Improvement9734@reddit
Don't answer the door. Thats what I do and they move along
mormonboy666@reddit
I don't understand why people feel obligated to answer the door. I look through the peep hole. If I don't know / recognize them, the door shall remain unanswered.
I don't give two shits if they hear me, either.
LicketySplitz@reddit
It’s like getting a phone call labeled spam and answering it.
TheyVanishRidesAgain@reddit
I answer those in my "angry and confused 85 year old" voice. Every question they ask, I shout at "Dolores" and wait thirty seconds for her response. When they ask if they should be speaking to Dolores, I angrily reply that I'm the man and I'll be making all the decisions. Perhaps I could switch it up to "who's Dolores?"
bugbugladybug@reddit
I once saw some sales dude come to the door with his clipboard. We made eye contact through the lounge window as he walked up the path.
He knocked, I continued watching TV. He came to the window and pointed to the door and I just shook my head.
He looked so freaking confused as if not answering the door was just never an option.
I think back fondly about that man's reaction.
feryoooday@reddit
I don’t have a peep hole and I still don’t answer. I have a spot I can peek around a curtain and if it’s not the literal police with a warrant they can leave a note and/or fuck off.
FilthyThanksgiving@reddit
For real. Plus I watch a lot of true crime. No thanks
mormonboy666@reddit
I wasn't even raised in the hood, but, you don't answer the door for nobody!
awkwardnubbings@reddit
I do this but I have a pane of glass beside the door that I shake my head through.
yert1099@reddit
\^ This - don’t answer the door. Our front door has glass at the top and a large window beside it. If someone comes to the door they can see directly into our den. There have been multiple times a salesperson has come to the door and we’re watching tv on the sofa. They look really confused when they see us and don’t get up and go to the door. Sometimes I’ll look up and wave.
Lonely-Raspberry5727@reddit (OP)
Sometimes I am already outside.
Dr___Gonzo@reddit
Point at the sign and tell them don't make me tap the sign
gotcha640@reddit
Just say “I don’t want to talk to you”.
The most recent person who came up to me while I was working on a car said “Oh I’m not selling anything”.
“No, I don’t want to talk to you. Please leave”
All the pranks and games and stuff are fine to brag about on reddit, but my goal is to end the encounter.
Not “I can’t talk now” or “I already have solar” or whatever. They’re trained to find ways to continue the conversation. Don’t let that be an option.
FilthyThanksgiving@reddit
This is really the best way but a lot of people have a hard time with it. Practice makes perfect though
amedley3@reddit
Today I was mowing and I told them I don't have time
3bluerose@reddit
Ask them what they want from a nearby window
EvadingTaxes@reddit
Always claim not to be the decision maker or that your money is being administrated by an assistant agency because you have (autism, Down syndrome, bad financial habits whatever)
not_thrilled@reddit
I used to keep a NO SOLICITING sign above the doorbell. If anyone tried selling me something, I'd point at the sign, look them dead in the eyes, then just close the door. Sometimes, I'd ask if they saw the sign, and they'd try to word-lawyer out of it, saying they weren't selling anything. I'd still just close the door. At one point, some religious door-knockers came, and I just said, very politely, "Oh no thanks, I'm an atheist" (which is/was true). The lady looked like she'd seen a ghost, and in the remaining 5+ years I lived there, never got another religious door-knocker, as if she'd put a hobo chalk sign on the curb.
HighColdDesert@reddit
You can be polite while saying "Sorry, no" and closing the door while they are trying to say "Yes, but!"
chefdisco@reddit
I worked in door to door sales.
Tell them you don't own the house. You rent and the landlord is not available for contact.
My line then is "Ahhh okay and I guess you don't want to buy a new roof for your landlord hehehe have a nice day" but the sale was dead already.
blind30@reddit
Sometimes I ask for the name of their company, and I look up customer complaints right in front of them.
“I’d be an idiot to do business with your company, apparently.”
General-Distance680@reddit
Sounds like a company I interviewed with one time, they talked such big game for guys with 1 star on google.
Kindly_Decision182@reddit
Ask if they are blind or dumb. When they say neither, point to the no soliciting sign, and ask what they didn't get.
Don't say hi, if you see them, just ask are you blind or just stupid. It's gonna be a tough recovery. And shows enough hostility that they don't wanna talk. Mostly they just walk away.
No_Week_8937@reddit
A sign on your door that says "We charge 20$/min for any sales pitch, payable in advance. Cash only. Ringing or knocking signals acceptance of these terms." also helps. Then just point at the sign and close your door, unless they hand you a 20, in which case you set a timer for exactly 60 seconds
a_fictionalcharacter@reddit
if they hand me the 20 I might actually consider it cus that man really believes in his cause
No_Week_8937@reddit
Exactly, it helps filter them.
Jimrockdiamond@reddit
A “no soliciting” sign followed by “I like to encourage intruders” sign.
deltaz0912@reddit
“No. Go away.” And close the door.
l3landgaunt@reddit
Answer the door naked
nurdmann@reddit
Woebetide138@reddit
Not enough people know what that means.
Salty-Passenger-4801@reddit
Tbis is totally something my uncle would rig up
madlyalive@reddit
Be too.
CoolDragon@reddit
Bee two
TampaBob57@reddit
"To be is to do"
-Socrates
"To do is to be"
-Sartre
"Do be do be do"
-Sinatra
TampaBob57@reddit
Tell Ron Swanson I said hello!
zEdgarHoover@reddit
I love it. But have to note that it should say "THIS SIDE TOWARD ENEMY". If "front" was obvious, it wouldn't need a label.
Busy_Lengthiness5961@reddit
This is the way.
attorneydummy@reddit
This made me LOL!!😂 I love it!
Woebetide138@reddit
Put a sign on your door that says ‘No Soliciting! Trespassers will be reported!’ And then, if they still ring, hold your phone to your ear and shoo them away.
terryjuicelawson@reddit
"Not interested" and close the door. It is not being rude, making excuses (which they always have an answer to) is wasting their time if anything.
sockpoptart@reddit
I put up a sign that says "no soliciting. Violators will be sacrificed to the old gods, not the new."
I've heard through the door a couple of times, salesmen on their phone with a supervisor being advised to just leave a card and walk away.
sockpoptart@reddit
Although when I was much younger and much less fat, I did open my front door in my underwear when some JW knocked. They turned tail and never came back.
Not-a-Cranky-Panda@reddit
"I don’t want to be a complete bitch,"
And that's your mistake.
suh-dood@reddit
Ask them if theyve accepted Jesus as their one true savior. If they havent then keep pushing with the Jesus, if not then switch to paganism/satanisim
Thenumberthirtyseven@reddit
Have you accepted Jesus as your one and true saviour? Yes? This displeases Beelzebub.
stabletiger@reddit
I never answer the door unless I know who it is. Otherwise my go to line is — “I don’t do business at my door, thank you and good luck.”
5WattBulb@reddit
I have a 12 ft skeleton with a speaker and remote microphone. Usually use it to welcome trick or treaters but works for solicitors too. "They dont want solar, go away!" In a booming voice typically keeps anyone from getting to the front door
Embarrassed-Leg-4246@reddit
If I didn’t live in an apartment, I would totally copy this!! Lol that’s brilliant
cascasrevolution@reddit
i love it! giant skeleton says NO!
5WattBulb@reddit
The religious ones never even come close. "I see no god here, other than me!!" I really want to give it a moving jaw and arms so it absolutely sells it lol
cascasrevolution@reddit
ooh you totally should! start with the jaw, maybe make the head twist back and forth, Then get ambitious with the arms. one step at a time, make sure it works
Panophobia_senpai@reddit
These people speak. They have blacklists. So, my solution was to sic the dog on the scientologists. Worked like a charm.
Diemosthenes@reddit
hootieq@reddit
Stop worrying about being a bitch to salesmen. They’re used to it. Maybe even use the opportunity for some personal growth…learning to be more assertive is an all around positive thing.
Huytonblue@reddit
My son has taught me how to say “I’m deaf, do you sign?” (This helps when I get approached by street salespeople and chuggers!)
derfla88@reddit
thanks for taking a few minutes to chat with me today.
Before we talk numbers, I just want to understand your situation a little better so I can see what actually makes sense for you.
Do you currently have any life insurance coverage in place?
Okay. And if something unexpected happened to you tomorrow, would your family be financially okay for the next few years?
Most people assume savings or work benefits are enough, but when we actually break down mortgage payments, debt, childcare, and income replacement, there’s usually a pretty significant gap.
What I help people do is make sure their family doesn’t have to sell the house, drain retirement savings, or completely change their lifestyle during an already difficult time.
How old are your kids now?
And do you still have a mortgage?
Right. So typically what we look at is:
covering the mortgage, replacing several years of income, handling funeral and final expenses, and leaving enough flexibility so your family has breathing room. For someone in your age range and health category, you’d probably be surprised how affordable coverage can be. A lot of clients expect hundreds per month, but many plans end up closer to what people spend on streaming services or eating out.
There are generally two routes:
Term insurance, which gives you high coverage at a lower cost for a set period of time, or permanent insurance, which lasts your entire life and can build cash value over time. Based on what you’ve told me, I’d probably start by showing you a term option first because it gives the most protection for the dollar.
If it’s okay with you, I can run a few quick numbers and show you what coverage would look like.
… I would expect they try to leave halfway, but follow them and keep at it.
scarlettohara1936@reddit
I have a Bruti. Plural for Brutus. Why plural do you ask? Well. I'll tell ya. He's a 120lb Cane Corso. In my book, that's 2 dogs! And the minute someone steps past the threshold of my carport, a good 20 feet from the door, he knows it. And he tells the whole world about it.
Strangely, no one ever comes to the door!
SaskiaDavies@reddit
I've gotten really sick of smirking sales people refusing to GTFO my porch and my yard. We have two NO SOLICITING signs and they're ignored. I have a 10 second limit on my patience and when they start telling me they're not soliciting, I tell them they're full of shit and to fuck all the way off. They get more aggressive sometimes, and I'm thinking I need shiny sharp things to grab from behind the front door. Or just start doing all my yard work with a machete so I don't have to say a word when they walk up to me.
kerridge@reddit
Not in the us, but I just say that I don't take inbound sales calls. Seems to work on phone and at doorstep, as there's no counter argument.
PaleBlueEyes70@reddit
You don’t need any for this. Just interrupt them, say you’re not interested and close the door. Done and done.
steve008@reddit
Exactly this
HBilicke@reddit
Same excuse has worked for me two times "I'm just working here", although I do seem to always be working on the house when they come, once I was blowing grass after mowing and they approached me in my yard, and another time I answered the door with some very dirty clothes on (think paint and automotive grease).
sugarplum_hairnet@reddit
"My husband wont give me access to any money"
MrSloane@reddit
Don't answer the door
dismaldunc@reddit
open the door naked
Qgfhys6@reddit
Got a no soliciting sign on my door, too generic so they don't see it. Brightly colored post it note hand written in sharpie says "GO AWAY!" in bold with an arrow point/reiterating the no soliciting sign.
I'm down to 1 interaction / knock per 3 months...
Used to have a sharpie note that said "FUCK OFF" which I miss, and think worked better.
Bellebarks2@reddit
Just put up a small sign that says No Solicitors, No Exceptions. In Texas if a sales person has the audacity to ignore the sign and ring your doorbell anyway they can be arrested for trespassing.
mister_nimbus@reddit
Get one of those really weird no soliciting signs. Or even better, a sign that says something like "Solicitors will be charged $50 per minute, due immediately with 100% interest per hour. Any solicitor accepts these terms and begins billable time by knocking or ringing the bell. Time spent on invoicing and collecting is billable." Have a form on a clipboard and a stopwatch ready. Take your time completing the invoice if they knock.
kaett@reddit
we have one of those. most just laugh. we also have one of the standard "NO SOLICITING" signs, and when i've pointed it out to people i get told "oh we're not soliciting, we're just offering information."
B_EE@reddit
I'll do you one better.
I pointed it out and he was like I'm not selling my body.
... I had to explain the difference between prostition and solicitation... And then it sunk into his head the mistake he made and quietly left 🤦♂️
turtlturtl@reddit
Waste of time, a simple “no soliciting” sign would do more because it revokes the implied license for the public to walk up and knock and opens the door to trespass them.
mister_nimbus@reddit
Look at the sub you're in
SocYS4@reddit
piss disk
Lazerus42@reddit
Sign that says
"No soliciting... mini piss disks will be launched at you from my ninja turtle van on the porch if you approach without audible permission. Please call me for that permission. If you don't have my phone number, that's your problem"
TurtleStepper@reddit
People kept walking into an office I worked at to ask for directions, we were the first business in a giant building full of businesses and people would wander in and ask for directions even though we are not open to retail/the public. Signs asking people not to do this didn't work very well. The sign I put up that said "directions cost $10" worked with a 100% success rate. 😂
DaftPump@reddit
Reminds me of a buddy in the 90s....
Telephone go ring ring...
"Hi this is _ from _ to tell you about _____."
"Where do I send the invoice?"
"Excuse me?"
"You called my business line, my rate is $150/hour for my consultation. Where do I send the invoice?"
mister_nimbus@reddit
I want to be friends with this person based on this one story alone.
Eudemonia70@reddit
😂
Laserdollarz@reddit
Repeat after me "who are you and why are you on my property? Chk chk"
You gotta practice your mouth sounds, but once you get it right, they won't be back
B_EE@reddit
Instructions unclear...
He took me on a date and then back to his place. I think he thought I was chk chk-ing him out.
lapsteelguitar@reddit
I say “no” and close the door/walk away.
freudianSkinner@reddit
I just say "I don't accept solicitations at my home" I'm polite, but I just keep repeating it until they leave. Usually once is enough, occasionally twice. main thing is not to engage, just say it again. Then I put the dogs on them.
nandemoto44@reddit
Motion activated sprinkler would prevent the interactions from happening in the first place
Emergency-Kale5033@reddit
Just say no thanks and shut the door
ThePizzaIsDone@reddit
"I rent."
They walk away damn near immediately.
VanFitz@reddit
"Not interested"
Close door
Fun-Machine7907@reddit
I enjoy teaching the impromptu reading lesson. Depending on how much they go along with we sound out the "no soliciting" sign, go over what that means, and by that point they've left. But I do have eventual hopes to tie soliciting into sex work and how while "I have had a long dry spell and honestly I thought I'd fuck anything with a pulse that enthusiastically consents, I honestly really can't even with a blindfold and for however much money you're offering" it's not you it's me, honestly you're not that far below average, I'm sure you're a great person and I'm flattered, etc.
Does this effectively reduce the number of sales people? No not really, but it does make it more enjoyable for me and having a goal makes it fun.
acrusty@reddit
I just start talking to them in Romanian and pretend I don’t know what they’re saying. My girlfriend will say her parents aren’t home.
QWERTY-111@reddit
pretend you dont speak whatever language they are talking
Icy_Huckleberry_8049@reddit
Open the door and ask them, "Didn't you see the sign that I have on the door? It says NO Solicitors"
Then shut the door.
Wilted-Soul@reddit
I used to tell them " I'm not the owner of the house, I can't make those decisions/I don't make the decisions for the household" then if they say/ask anything else I'd tell them "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers/my parents aren't home" and I would do this while sitting outside with my daughter looking like a whole ass adult... if they continue to pester, tell your children you guys are going in for a snack and just walk away. I get "it's their job but exactly.. it's their job and they already walk around knowing no one wants them knocking except for lonely ass people looking for someone to talk to
mendelec@reddit
I have no reservations about being rude. If they feel entitled to interrupt my day, then they get what they get.
My typical responses are to rip the door open and loudly shout "WHAT?" Followed by either NO!, FUCK OFF!, or whatever else comes to mind. Then, I immediately slam the door on their faces. Sometimes I skip the second part and go straight to the door slam. Short, simple, and very cathartic.
Best part is if you have a ring or something, so you can watch the stunned silence as they try and process it.
At the end of the day, you're actually doing them a favor by not wasting their time. They invariably work on commission.
If they're selling god, well then it can sometimes get ruder and more interesting. I might lament that I'd just signed up for an unlimited god plan or apologize that I can't talk right now because it's time to sacrifice the chicken.
But the first bit works just fine for proselytizers too and then you don't have to think on your feet.
Tinker107@reddit
“You have one minute to get off my property or I’m releasing the dogs.”
dapsee@reddit
"...the ~~dogs~~ hounds!"
LDSBS@reddit
Don’t answer. You can pretend you’re not home or not . What obligation do you have to answer the door to someone you haven’t invited?
richardblack3@reddit
I have a sign that says "we are nudists. Please call beforehand"
mshawnl1@reddit
Is it unacceptable to actually say, “please get away from my door and off my property and don’t come back “? I wish I had the nerve to spray with a super soaker. But I don’t.
alienfaktor@reddit
why would it be? i can’t believe people are so sensitive with people who clearly have no respect for their privacy in THEIR OWN HOMES. I have a no solicitors sign and i literally answer the door saying CAN YOU FUCKING READ? Then i slam the door.
Barefoot_Eagle@reddit
Choose to be rude!
Their approach is designed to make you answer their questions or you would rude...
"How much do you pay for electricity?" "Are you aware of the new fovernment incentive program?" "Are you the homeowner"
So, either you answer what they asked or you are rude. And it's human nature to try to be nice. But this time choose "rude".
Just reply "Sorry I'm not interested".
They will keep pushing and say comments that will make you feel guilty: "don't you want to know how to save money?" "Are you happy paying that much".
"SORRY, AS I ALREADY SAID, I'M NOT INTERESTED! Have a nice day!"
Affinity-Charms@reddit
Open the door and start barking at them, and do not stop until they are gone.
MadBomber420@reddit
Don't open the door. If you're not expecting someone they can shove off.
Knever@reddit
Just smile at them and don't say anything. Literally stonewall. I like to say one "No, thank you," and then stonewall, but you can lead with it, too. They always fuck off after the third or so unanswered question.
Adaar_the_Resident@reddit
Yell in a loud voice "Quit soliciting me for sex"
My disabled mother, in a wheelchair, before she died would scream that at people who didn't get the hint to get lost.
wvce84@reddit
I’m not the owner. I just murdered them. Would you like come in?
FilthyThanksgiving@reddit
Art The Clown answering the door
oxfay@reddit
Have you seen the work of @caffinatedkitti on the socials? She posts unhinged ways to stop men from bothering women, I feel like some of her methods would work on solicitors of any gender.
Lonely-Raspberry5727@reddit (OP)
No but thank you!
cosmiceggroll@reddit
"You saw the sign stating no solicitibg. You knocked anyway, which tells me you either don't respect the homeowners wishes, or you can't read. If its the latter, I empathize that the school system failed you. Unfortunately, disrespect and illiteracy disqualify you from any form of being a service provider to me or my home. Do not come back to this property again."
Then dramatically fart in their direction, tell them that one is on the house, and lock the door behind you when you go back inside.
Sweaty_Jaguar_9435@reddit
I put up large "no solicitation" sign, "No Trespassing sign" and "Private Drive, no trespassing".... I am waiting for one to ignore them all. I would listen to their pitch, ask a hundred questions for as long as possible.. and as I am about to sign the contract remember " I can't do business with people who can't read".. then tell them they are trespassing..
FilthyThanksgiving@reddit
This is brutal and I love it
dmitrineilovich@reddit
Nice to meet you, Satan! Big fan of your work!
Winter_Persimmon_110@reddit
"No soliciting" sign. Point to it with your middle finger.
blissvicious91@reddit
telling them to fuck off generally works
woodwarda99@reddit
A locked door
udderlyfun2u@reddit
I worked grave shift in Vegas for years. Day sleeper. No soliciting signs didn't stop anything. I drew a chalk outline of a body in front of my door and sprayed hairspray on it to keep it there. Reaplyed every time it rained(about 4-6 times a year). It works exceptionally well.
RiddyReddit333@reddit
"Hold on while I get my 12-guage."
udderlyfun2u@reddit
Answer with it already in hand.
Majere119@reddit
Big Rocks. The answer is always Big Rocks.
pandapower63@reddit
No.. a lot of times it’s piss discs.
pandapower63@reddit
Tell them “Come in, come in! No you have to come in. How can I force you to stay if you don’t come in?”
baelzebob@reddit
Oh! You answer the door like a human person and say, emphatically, no. Thank you, but no.
I will usually tell them that tha asshole down the block that like to walk thier dogs unleashed is very interested in whatever product they are selling and has confided on me that they have been thinking about a new roof, siding, patio, weed spray, what the fuck ever.
Give them a good lead! Use your powers for good!
rieirieri@reddit
What is that one subject that you love talking about but no one you know likes hearing about? “So anyway I managed to change out the memory but it took all because there was a bad stick or a bad slot and I had to keep memtesting to find out which one….”
crusty54@reddit
“Oh no, did my sign fall down? No? Then I guess you just can’t fucking read?”
Legitimate-Web-5540@reddit
Ask first for a business card then second to see their solicitation permit. Most cities have laws requiring this. Next point out your no solicitation sign, third report everything you find to the city.
TradingDreams@reddit
That's nice, but do you know our lord and savior?
Proof_Bathroom_3902@reddit
"No" is a complete sentence.
ChuckYeagerWV@reddit
I tell them to talk to my representative. My pitbull Jackson who is pretty persuasive.
CttCJim@reddit
If they ignore a "no soliciting" sign, that's harassment. Threaten to call the police. Them follow through.
Valuable_Log_518@reddit
Jabbering at them in any language but English usually works for me to get them to piss off
Common-Project3311@reddit
1). Don’t answer the door if possible 2) if you must speak to them, say “I’m not interested.” 3) if they persist, say “Please leave now.”
Zestyclose-Pear-9276@reddit
Always answer the door: they aren’t door to suit salespersons - they are thieves trying to work out if anyone is home.
Common-Project3311@reddit
I’ve been not answering my door for 20years and never had a theft or attempted break-in.
Delicious_Bank_2405@reddit
"FUCK OFF"
lemmons8675309@reddit
Tell them that you’re the babysitter/ house sitter
Broken-Emu@reddit
[ Removed by Reddit ]
BruceLeeTheDragon@reddit
I just say, “sorry I’m not trying to be rude, but I’m not interested”.
Alonenomo2023@reddit
NEVER open your door to strangers! If I don’t know you’re coming, I ignore the doorbell.
alsoaprettybigdeal@reddit
Don't answer the door. Leave them standing on the porch until they leave. Unless I've invited the person, or they have a package or a giant check with balloons, I'll let them stand out there all damn day.
If you're out front and they approach, just put your hand up and say, "I'm not interested, no solicitors, please." and then turn around and walk away.
MongooseDog001@reddit
I open the door and say nothing. I look at them but say nothing, and I wait for them to start in on their pitch. Once they start talking I slowly close the door in their face while making eye contact.
My friends toddler did this to me once, and it was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Now I do it to salespeople.
My husband doesn't approve; he thinks it's to mean. So we race to the door when the bell rings. His approach is to not open the door but look at them through the window and say: "No thank you."
Both of our techniques work at getting rid of them quickly, but mine if funnier
Realistic_Pickle_007@reddit
Don't open the door. I have a second floor deck that overlooks the entrance. I ask them what they want and the conversation typically ends with a friendly no thanks followed by a request for them to get off the property.
Jaderosegrey@reddit
Open your door book in hand. "Ah you have come to hear my book. I'll stop every chapter to hear your detailed critique." And start reading that book. Don't stop until they have gone. (If you have not written a book, use either a obscure book, or cover a regular book with brown paper.)
Works for me.
Plethorian@reddit
A doormat that reads: No. Seriously, NO. Go Away."
A little sign in the yard that says: "Mine Field." In red.
Or maybe say "I'll hear your pitch, but only if you get naked first." Note that you may find out just how desperate a salesperson is this way.
Minimum_Task_467@reddit
I just close the door slowly and lock it loudly
imthehamburglarok@reddit
I point at the "no soliciting" sign by the door and tell them they're trespassing. If they continue speaking, I dial 311 and hold the phone up to my ear. Nobody has done more than swear at me as they walk away.
attorneydummy@reddit
Is “fuck off” followed by a closing door not on the table? I feel like it should be on the table.
lfthvysht517@reddit
Just say no. Maybe add “99 more people like me and you got yourself a sale. Good luck”
Truly, though, just say you are not interested and that you have things to tend to.
DistantRaine@reddit
As a woman, I have had great success with "I'm sorry, my husband is the financial/religious head of our household."
I'm not married.
littlefarmerboy@reddit
I like to hit em with a “no English” even though I’m about as white and Texan as they make em. Throws em off and it’s enjoyable to see their reactions.
crashingtingler@reddit
no thanks are the magic words. nothing else.
TicketyB000@reddit
I have a sign, but also a motion activated sprinkler. I got it to deter feral cats from shitting in my petunias, but seeing a solar salesman get super soaked is bliss.
embarrassedburner@reddit
I start with I am unemployed or I’m the babysitter.
ThroatFun478@reddit
I just say "NO" in a stern, dismissive way, and shut the door. It helps that I have an amazing rbf.
Grouchy-Attention599@reddit
Just film them while telling them they're trespassing and to leave your property. If they don't you call the police and have them arrested for trespassing and soliciting without a license most likely. Many of them are unlicensed. Fuck em door to door sales people are scum
triforce_of_wisdom@reddit
I think being firm and direct is a good example to set for your children. You don't have to be nice to people who aren't nice to you and they shouldn't have to either.
MrDestructo@reddit
I just say “Im not buying” as I close the door. The second part is important don’t let it become a
conversation, close the door.
Someoneman@reddit
"If your well-being depends on my buying this, then you deserve to suffer."
macetheface@reddit
Right before covid it was like a daily thing for us. Solar people, jehovahs witness, 7th day adventists, driveway sealers, new windows, lawn, etc.
We got a video doorbell and no soliciting sign. Luckily covid killed off a lot of them. They've slowly slithered back and a lot ignore the sign. But at least now I can see who's at the door and just don't answer.
Solar guys can be aggressive. Had to tell one to get off my property cause he didn't wanna leave and started walking around the back 'trying to get measurements'.
Character-Zombie-961@reddit
Easy. Don't answer.
razielim09@reddit
My moms real nice and always answers the door. If I hear the pitch I start yelling for her like I’m crazy (like ghosts are after me and they want more tortillas, that kind of crazy). Usually shortens the interaction.
hbmcneely@reddit
I had a pest control guy come to our door once. I told him "we're good; the spiders take care of the bugs." He didn't have a response for that and left.
SilverStL@reddit
I usually just say brightly and politely, No Thanks! as I’m closing the door.
Same thing I do when someone at a store asks me who my phone or internet provider is. I do the no thanks while I’m walking past them.
SingleQuality4626@reddit
Door to door salesman I trained on how to reply to everything you say. They practice hundreds of times a day. The key is to say nothing and just point towards the street. They will sputter trying to get you to talk, just stay silent, look neutral and point until they leave.
Another good one is to just constantly interrupt them to tell them an irrelevant, long-winded story. Make it as obvious as possible you are wasting their time.
OPA73@reddit
Just tell them you are a renter if it’s for the hous
gmshier@reddit
Sorry this is an Air Bnb - We’re just here for 3 days
kaett@reddit
start acting completely unhinged. when they come up to you while your kids are out there, tell them "hey kids, watch this!" and then start screaming and waving your arms at the salespeople. bonus points if you're holding water balloons filled with noxious liquid. they've trespassed on your property, anything they get hit with is their problem, not yours.
Traditional_Hippo121@reddit
i just yell "I'm not interested. go away" through the closed door🤷♂️
DocGaviota@reddit
I answer the door with my 90+ pound German Shepherd. He’s trained to follow my lead and only warms up to people if I do. Otherwise he gives his death stare. When I say “no soliciting” they say, sorry for disturbing you and flee. It’s quite satisfying. 😆
Existing-Teaching-34@reddit
Don’t open the door
DaftPump@reddit
Been doing this for decades and it works every.single.time.
Answer the door looking a bit ratty, or wear a robe.
Tell them you're sick with a respiratory illness and that they absolutely do NOT want it.
They'll fuck off just about every time. Occasionally a religious person persists so I start coughing, wave my hand and close the door.
Proper-Maize-5987@reddit
We used to get religious people at our door every Saturday morning at 8 am. They weren’t Mormons they were…something else. We tried EVERYTHING. One morning I answered the door only in my towel and I embarrassed them so badly they never returned. Don’t think it will work for door to door salesmen but it is one of the life hacks I’m most proud of.
Nunov_DAbov@reddit
They are the person you called to clean your septic system. Or your gutters. Or the cockroaches out of your shed. Act indignant if they aren’t prepared to dig in and get to work.
toss-it-now@reddit
Just say, “no thank you” and get up and walk away. It sounds rude, but it’s effective. I just don’t answer my door if I’m inside. Idc if the lights are on, kids screaming, music blaring and they know someone is home, I just ignore it. If a kid runs and opens the door, i grab the door quickly…poke my head around, say no thank you and close it. Problem solved. 🤷🏼♀️
bmd201@reddit
literally takes zero effort to not answer the door
apollemis1014@reddit
I've got a big dog who barks up a storm in the bow window in the front of the house if anyone dares knock on the front door. 🤣
figgypie@reddit
Watch the first bit of this clip from Bluey. I've wanted to do this ever since I watched it with my kid. https://youtu.be/LabBwLEyhx0?si=xY55gEedGWP6iehv
OwlPelletCrunch@reddit
act as if they are someone else who you were expecting
steamroll over any attempt by them to speak - just keep calling them “Derek” or “Stephanie”, info-dumping a bunch of really personal drama, and thanking them profusely for agreeing to help “clean up something SO gross - i don’t know what’s WRONG with people to make a mess like that!”
To enhance this, pre-arrange the scenario with a friend who you can call and have a shouted conversation with on full-volume speaker-phone “Danny! Derek’s already here! I told him about Bethany’s abscess and what Tony said to her at church - can you BELIEVE it???”
steffie-flies@reddit
Put up a few cameras around your door, and put up a note on the door stating, "salepeople are not allowed on my property! Every time you ring my doorbell, I will lodge a complaint with the city/state/local PD."
InfoSecGuy21045@reddit
The religion salespeople (JW) started walking down my driveway while I was outside with my dog. I stopped them before they got halfway and told them I was not interested.
Seeking to continue the contact, one of the ladies in the group asked me my dog’s name. I answered “Glock.”
Haven’t seen them in ten years…
AbbreviationsDue4417@reddit
Don’t even speak, just slam the door before they finish their blurb
stevejcon@reddit
Most municipalities require a city issues permit for door to door soliciting. Ask to see that right away, most of them don't bother getting it.
UncleRuckus92@reddit
I worked d2d for a year after college. We very much did not have a soliciting permit and I was told to be careful because you need one for each town we were operating in and we had 0 permits
Purple-Rose69@reddit
I either don’t answer the door and ignore them, or do and interrupt their speel by rudely telling them I am not interested and to not come back. Then I shut the door in their face.
No different than spam calls and texts which are even more annoying than door to door salesman. If I don’t know the number, I don’t answer. My vo
_Internet_Hugs_@reddit
I tell them I'm a renter and they usually leave. If they think I can't make any decisions about whatever they're selling they just go.
I have the name of a local property management company (I saw it on a sign) that I tell them to call if they get pushy.
It makes these interactions last about 5 seconds, most leave as soon as I get the words out.
DudPork@reddit
I enjoy making them uncomfortable by telling them (through my Ring doorbell) that I’m interested in the product, but I can’t talk now because I have bad diarrhea. They leave pretty shortly thereafter.
Comprehensive-Fun623@reddit
Had a pair of solar salesmen knock. After their initial long winded introduction I said look guys my son is upstairs with mono for the last week, and I think I’m about two days in to my own symptoms of catching it.
It totally threw off their game. They actually showed some concern and asked if they could get or do anything for me. Please just let me go play back down. They said to feel better, turned around and left.
bcardin221@reddit
I say "sorry, I will never, under any circumstances, buy anything from anyone who knocks on my door randomly." They usually persist and I keep repeating myself until they leave.
SVTContour@reddit
There’s no reason to be rude. Learn a phrase in another language, preferably one that doesn’t exist in your area. Use a few phrases on them with a smile.
lunabluestocking@reddit
Put a sign on the door with QUARENTINED AREA in huge letters. Beneath it, slightly smaller: PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK. Perhaps a tasteful skull and crossbones just to jazz it up.
The1TrueRedditor@reddit
No Soliciting sign and keep some pamphlets for adult literacy classes handy.
kalakava@reddit
Wtf is you problem, why you knocking or ringing my door.
Nearby_Dig_2398@reddit
Since it seems your are outside when the come by, you probably can't avoid them by shutting a door, so simply say "I'm not allowed to do business without my lawyer present." Then shrug and go back to what you were doing. If they persist, tell them "I'm not gonna go to jail for you. Go away." If they still persist, throw your pocket sand in their face.
PtZamboat@reddit
Just don’t answer. They don’t give a shit if you yell at them.
No_Lifeguard4092@reddit
We have this sign that we got on Amazon. Basically, we charge $50/minute to listen to sales pitches, religious talks, etc., payable in advance. We just point to the sign and they will leave.
pcdweller@reddit
Wait for them to conclude their sales pitch uninterrupted, wait 5 seconds, then in your most vegetative voice utter, "What?"
Jaded-Citron-4090@reddit
Shotgun
Vi420@reddit
I’d put a sign that says “$10 fee for answering the door, please have cash ready upon answer, this is not a joke.” And fr stand by it. Word will get around.
FormidableMistress@reddit
I don't answer my front door, I go out my garage. As the door comes up they see a woman holding a hatchet. It makes them nervous enough to leave the first time I say I'm not interested.
Optimal_Shirt6637@reddit
We’re putting the house up for sale.
bajafan@reddit
“ I want to hear more about that. Please wait out there while I make a quick trip to the restroom.” Then take a peek every hour to see if they’re still out there.
RetroController@reddit
We had someone come to our door recently. My wife told him we weren’t interested but he salesman’d her into continuing the conversation. Our cat snuck out while talking. I came outside to help, dude was just standing there watching us. I said “can you please leave” and he did.
LouLouEllen@reddit
Please tell us more about your talking cat.
RetroController@reddit
My other go-to is just saying “Skip AD” and then closing the door or walking away.
smithguitars@reddit
Deaf Resident sticker on front door
24kdgolden@reddit
I have a sign and if they ignore it, I go with the tried and true: why would I do business with someone who can't read? Then if they get mad, I point at the sign so they can see my ccw.
Impossible-Cap-6433@reddit
Squirt gun with deer urine.
Motion activated sprinklers.
Pay kids to smear dog poo on their car while they talk to you.
Eat food that makes you farther bad or bad breath.
Ready_Piano1222@reddit
I own my house, but I always tell them I rent. When they ask who my landlord us, I just tell them 'some company'.
PremiumUsername69420@reddit
Just keep the garden hose by your side and water anything on your property whenever you want.
Better-Childhood-330@reddit
If its anything house/maintenance related just tell them you arent the homeowner and they cant deal with you.
If its goods, just firmly say "I have no use for that" and if they persist, tell them you have explosive diarhea and need them to either leave, or settle in for the show.
Wuzcity@reddit
Don’t answer the door.
platinum92@reddit
Read the post. They get approached when outside with the kids.
platinum92@reddit
If you're fine with everything that comes with it, a dog will help keep them away when you're outside with the kids.
If they don't leave after nicely asking them to, maybe actively ignore them. Like start up a phone conversation or loudly play some music if you want to be outside with the kids. Make it so its obvious that they're wasting their time.
salsashark99@reddit
Be a complete bitch
ClearlyVaguelyWeird@reddit
"No. Go away." repeat ad infinitum.