ULPT: Faking a Registered Baptism
Posted by druidoom@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 89 comments
Anyone know how Roman Catholic baptisms are recorded and validated across dioceses?
The Catholic grade school we want to enroll our son in gives a $2000 tuition discount to Catholic kids. The local parish you “attend” subsidizes the cost of the education.
Any idea on how to fake a baptism without actually baptizing the kid?
hadley08rose@reddit
Why do you so badly want your child to go to a Catholic school if you are not wanting to get them baptized? This is so bizarre to me.
druidoom@reddit (OP)
Better quality education, smaller class sizes and student to teacher ratios, better quality extracurricular activities…you want me to keep going or…?
toy-maker@reddit
Yeh, private schools are great. So fr, why a catholic one tho?
Serious-Program9381@reddit
100% valid. Will be comparing catholic schools to other schools when my child is of school age.
ImBigRthenU@reddit
It's less about being baptized and more about being a registered member of the church and I'm sure the church has ways of verifying you're actually active.
wallflowertherapist@reddit
Yeah that church is absolutely going to want to know you and see regular attendance if they are not just going to verify that your kid was baptized there, but actually contribute towards your kids tuition.
madagascarprincess@reddit
I guess I’m dumb but like… churches don’t take attendance? How do they verify that?
jagger129@reddit
At my Catholic church they send me a packet of envelopes of use for the offering each week. With my name on it. That proves both attendance and contributions.
For people that might not use the envelopes, maybe not contribute or would throw cash in the basket instead, they would look for proof of volunteer work. Like if you worked at the summer festival or helped with the Christmas basket donations, etc
GuadDidUs@reddit
It's super easy- everyone gets envelopes for collection. The envelopes have your name on them.
Our church would tell us even if you can't give that week, still put an empty envelope in.
PiRhoManiac@reddit
Tithes and Sunday School attendance are often recorded.
Outrageous-Act7199@reddit
By taking your money.
gunsforevery1@reddit
If you’re an active member they’ll know you. If you’ve been baptized, married, or had your children baptized there, you’re on their “rolls”.
Rampaging_Ducks@reddit
Ecclesiastical endorsements are a thing.
If I'm attempting to use my purported faith to gain some kind of benefit from someone affiliated with the faith group in question, then I'm probably going to be expected to do more than just say I'm a Catholic (for example) and that's that—bare minimum they'd want to know where I'm going to church and how involved I am. Which means I've now got to declare on paper 'I go to X Parish with Father X X.' Father X X is contacted and asked about me, he says he's never seen me in his life and he knows every member of his Parish. No endorsement for me ;(
Danimal-8008@reddit
The envelopes you put your name on when you go
ImBigRthenU@reddit
Tracks your donations for “tax purposes”
coupdelune@reddit
When I was a kid the donation envelopes they gave out had your name on them, so they knew if you were at Mass or not that week.
svh01973@reddit
Priests/pastors are often very good at people skills, and that includes putting a name to a face.
TrainsMapsFlags@reddit
if theres one thing the catholic church MIGHT like more then God, its bureaucracy
druidoom@reddit (OP)
I was afraid of that! Figured it couldn’t hurt to ask the internet baddies if they had any unethical ideas to get around the requirement. Or an anarchist Catholic Church secretary somewhere I could bribe to generate a baptism cert and tell them we’re good Catholics who recently moved lol
ConsciousProduce8798@reddit
It's my understanding that they keep records and the archdiocese of wherever you are has them all on file. Everyone that is a member is on file. And from your baptism, communion, marriage just anything traditional church customs related, it's all recorded somewhere.
Kinda creepy if you ask me. Not as creepy as finding out the Mormon church owns the biggest DNA database in the world, but still creepy.
philatio11@reddit
Catholics didn't invent recordkeeping, but they perfected it
Flux_My_Capacitor@reddit
Yeah. And OP hasn’t known any devout Catholics. They aren’t gonna skirt this one. The Catholic Church OWNS your ass. 😂
tetlee@reddit
My mum used to work at a Church of England school that would give a preference to families that went to the local church. To verify people went to services there was an attendance book at the entrance you would sign on the way in. They ended up having to put the book out after services because people would turn up, sign it and then leave lol.
vegasbywayofLA@reddit
I would imagine most of those people started showing up when the service was ending lol.
tetlee@reddit
I think they had someone stand by it. If I remember it worked right up till the kids got into school then they would never be seen again.
AngryCrotchCrickets@reddit
“Verifying you’re actually active” = Giving the church money 🤣
Trishlovesdolphins@reddit
I mean, if you’re willing to fake a baptism certificate for a discount, why not just fake a baptism to get the paper?
druidoom@reddit (OP)
Would be totally down with doing this but according to the church website it involves several weeks of classes and counseling with the priest and a promise to raise the kid catholic and picking out godparents who have THEIR parish priests fill out paperwork attesting that they’re good Catholics in good standing with the church and it’s this whole damn process. I don’t think I even know any Catholics who regularly attend church and are in good standing
habershamglam@reddit
The discount is a wash. Say it’s a $1200 discount. They will expect you to give $100 per month to the church (in the collection basket). They track it. If you don’t pony up the money, you will at best- get a long uncomfortable discussion about fiscal responsibility in the Church and at worst- lose the discount.
Also if you hold your kid out as Catholic, they will be expected to do their first Confession at age 6 and receive 1st Holy Communion at age 7. They must have a baptismal certificate for these. Admitting you aren’t Catholic allows them to exempt the Catholic sacraments.
BiohazardousBisexual@reddit
The first part isn't true. No one reviews or asks for donations in Catholic churches. I come from a Catholic background and have friends and family who attend mass in three different countries and none of them have ever been asked to donate for anything, including my family when they sent me and my siblings to Catholic school associated with our local parish.
I got a scholarship for university from one of my safe schools in similar circumstances to what op wants due to my parents registering and the scholarship was provided by the local church despite us not donating money to them (I didn't end up going to that uni because I didn't want to go to a religiously affiliated school)
habershamglam@reddit
Today, in 2026, in my Diocese, they most certainly do.
BiohazardousBisexual@reddit
That then is the odd one out because I don't know any in the US or EU that would do that
habershamglam@reddit
I am in the USA, diocese of Birmingham, Alabama and they most certainly check if you are giving to the church monthly. Did you receive a break on tuition during your enrollment? Because that is what triggers the financial documentation. If your family is unable to pay, there is a whole other financial round for scholarships that doesn’t depend on being Catholic or giving to the church. Being a child who didn’t pay the bills, you were probably unaware of the financial aspects surrounding your tuition payments.
BiohazardousBisexual@reddit
I am an adult now and have siblings and close friends who are parents sending kids to Catholic school it was the same
BiohazardousBisexual@reddit
I also don't appreciate you being demeaning towards me
Having subsidized tuition is due to financial need and would defeat the purpose to have you donate. This is not something viewed as acceptable in the church
Gloomy_Tie_1997@reddit
Or you could simply send your child to a non-indoctrinating institution.
lr99999@reddit
Sending your kid to be propagandized in something you don’t think has importance is…weird.
druidoom@reddit (OP)
I’m worried about that too but the public school sucks and the quality of education is poor (at least according to the state standardized testing scores I looked at)
gl0ssyy@reddit
yeah maybe don't send your kid to brainwash school
Quintus-Sertorius@reddit
Don't forget the abuse and guilt!
ziostraccette@reddit
Get the kid baptised then unbaptised by sending this form and you're good
bowhunterb119@reddit
“Hi I want to enroll my child in a religious institution so they can grow up learning good moral values. Anyways, how can I defraud a church to accomplish this?”
Capable_Victory_7807@reddit
WWJD?
toy-maker@reddit
Go to the parish, throw tables and generally cause a scene?
FauxmingAtTheMouth@reddit
Whoa, this isn’t his cross to bear
Quintus-Sertorius@reddit
Nailed it
StuffonBookshelfs@reddit
The reason you get the discount is because you show up to church each week and give them money. It’s not actually a discount, you’re just paying them in a different way.
InknPages@reddit
You don’t have to donate though, the basket passes around but you’re free to pass it along without putting anything in it
Trishlovesdolphins@reddit
Every church I know of records it. My friend’s mom was actually kicked out of her church because she couldn’t pay tithes for 3mo while off work fighting fucking breast cancer.
It ended up being a huge deal around here, but as far as I know, they didn’t change their stance and even if they had, no way was she going back.
I know that when I was growing up, they kept track and if you didn’t pay your tithes, they’d restrict access to church perks. Stuff like being able to use the kitchen/party area for baby/wedding showers, or for free wedding venues. They didn’t revoke your membership or ban you from the food pantry though.
Just another reason I don’t like organized religion.
mister_nimbus@reddit
I guess the church leadership never bothered to read the part about caring for the sick and poor...
toy-maker@reddit
But think of the poor church leaders… /s
theclosetenby@reddit
Go get the discount at our Catholic school, you had to give a certain amount lol
data_theft@reddit
My church as a kid gave members special envelopes with a kind of id number on it so they knew who was paying each week.
Resse811@reddit
They still do. But you can also still donate without the envelope.
StuffonBookshelfs@reddit
You don’t have to donate. But the parish I grew up in and school I went to wouldn’t give you a parishioner discount unless your family gave enough in envelopes throughout the year.
mister-ferguson@reddit
The Catholic Church isn't too strict on tithing.
Ijustreadalot@reddit
Not generally, but many parishes do track it for families getting an active parishioner discount at the school. The whole point of the discount is that you are already contributing to the school by donating to the parish so you shouldn't have to pay as much as someone who isn't already donating. I've been a member of multiple parishes where the priests knew my name and knew my habits enough to comment if I was at a different mass time or they didn't see me for a couple weeks. I never officially registered at a parish or had envelopes until I started planning to send my kids to the parish school and needed to show that I was contributing. We just moved and my kids are at a public high school, so now I'm back to the priest knowing who I am but not knowing or caring whether or not I donate to the parish.
habershamglam@reddit
I don’t want to rain on your parade. The Catholic Discount is for parishioner’s kids who support the church. My church has paper envelopes and digital envelopes. You get a number, mine is 112233 (awesome, right?!). I had a billpay set up in the digital envelopes and it pays $Xxx per month. If I go to Mass and they have a “special collection” then I can grab a blank envelope on my way in and write 112233 on it. At the end of the year I get a letter with my contributions for taxes. The school gets a copy for their records. That’s how they know we get the Catholic Kid Discount. No one asks for baptism records. They want financial records.
druidoom@reddit (OP)
Well, damn.
FinanciallySecure9@reddit
I love your attempt to break the 8th commandment while wanting to send your children to a school that will drill the commandments into their heads.
MacheteTigre@reddit
You are vastly underestimating the oldest and most entrenched bureaucracy in the world lmao
druidoom@reddit (OP)
I was afraid of that!
BrattSupreme@reddit
This is the reason I was baptized midway thru my childhood, not sure if there’s a way around it if you really want that discount.
Mister_Silk@reddit
They don't care about baptism certificates. They care about attendance and how much you tithe.
greeneyes826@reddit
Catholics don't tithe
Ryukiki@reddit
Not called "tithing" any more but there are still lots of donation boxes and a basket passed around during mass for you to drop money into. They'll also mail you envelopes to donate with even if you don't attend. A church my mother hasn't been to in 12 years still sends her mail asking for donations around the holidays.
Deathwatch72@reddit
The Catholic Church keeps records, it's one of the main things here good at over the course of history. My friend's little brother recently got married and in order to get married in the Catholic Church his wife had to first be confirmed because they couldn't find the paperwork from the first time she was confirmed back in Connecticut like 20 years ago.
I promise you they're going to check
i-am-foxymoron@reddit
If so, I have no idea where my baptism certificate is. So I'd say "no" it's not recommended across diocese.
curiousvegetables@reddit
Just a thought. While pretty easy to say they were baptized in another country for family reasons...
Your kid is gonna out themselves pretty rapidly by not knowing all the Catholic protocols.
ChestnutMareGrazing@reddit
Say that the child was extremely high risk as an infant and the hospital priest did an emergency baptism
habershamglam@reddit
You still get a certificate. I was baptized by a nun at 1 hour old over 50 years ago. I have the certificate from that AND my official church baptism.
cave_mandarin@reddit
Your best bet is probably to find a church that burned down or flooded a few years ago and is unlikely to have digitized records.
Considering your kid is in grade school and not high school, this will probably be quite difficult.
Ijustreadalot@reddit
Would work for a minute, but that parish OP plans to pretend to attend is going to want to see them on the regular.
cave_mandarin@reddit
Yeah that’s fair.
Quirky-Invite7664@reddit
That’s a good idea. Ask AI for churches that burned down in your state or in your parents’ state (where you can say you grew up).
FauxmingAtTheMouth@reddit
[ Removed by Reddit ]
whatshouldIdonow8907@reddit
The church you were baptized in etc in keeps an official log as in giant ledgers and can verify the event if you have somehow lost the original certificate.
greeneyes826@reddit
The church and diocese records it. I can still call to verify my family's baptisms from 40+ years ago. You're not getting around this.
Ijustreadalot@reddit
My brother's baptismal records were destroyed in a fire. Despite the fact that they had been verified by the parish we moved to before kindergarten (and that my parents still attend) when he had his first communion, this caused an issue when he was preparing to get married because the priest doing the wedding wanted to independently confirm that he was baptized.
Left-Interview-4031@reddit
Unfortunately it's recorded in a records book at the parish he would have been baptized at. A priest at that parish has to look it up in their records book then print and mail you a signed copy. All it would take is a phone call to disprove a fake.
Bloody_Mabel@reddit
Maybe this is a stupid question but why don't you just have him baptized?
5pens@reddit
It's a well-documented process and the records often get sent directly from the parish. I don't think there's a way around this.
Resse811@reddit
Just get your kid baptized - it should be a couple hundred bucks at most.
The church will check that any document you provide is real.
kawaiian@reddit
Don’t put your child in a catholic grade school for a quick money saving hack
JustCallMeKV@reddit
This will be very difficult to do. They will contact that parish for your church record.
SlayerofDeezNutz@reddit
The Catholic Church is the originator of birth certificates they’ve been doing it longer than anyone else. It’s grass roots so every parish keeps their own baptismal records and they take great care to keep it orderly. Faking one would involve a great deal of effort. Don’t think it’s realistically possible.
Tomj_Oad@reddit
In the last couple of thousand years no one has thought of your new scam
Go for it
smh
mistakenhat@reddit
They will usually verify your attendance and church involvement with the priest of the parish you claim to be baptized at / attending. Lots of families interested in Catholic school find their faith around their first child’s birth for that reason.
CalmOffice3565@reddit
They have it in file with your parish/archdiocese.