I'm going to England for the first time ever, what are some things to avoid or don't do?
Posted by Ok_Muscle7510@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 453 comments
I'm going to the capital to visit my aunt and her husband
FiresidePete@reddit
Pretend your'e Australian. Avoid the unpleasantness
Trabers@reddit
Not sure if anyone has said this yet, but don’t go to Stonehenge! There are hundreds of better things to do in the UK before deciding that you need to walk around some old stones for a view that isn’t much better than you already know from the pictures.
Sxn747Strangers@reddit
Greet people with “alright”, (pronounced as one word like “Y’all”), they respond with the same and nothing else is said.
Learn how to use the electric kettle and don’t worry about the limescale, “it ain’t gonna kill ya”.
Sorry-Programmer9826@reddit
We love a queue, so don't queue jump.
[gives serious look]
Disastrous_Yak_1990@reddit
But not at a pub.
Sorry-Programmer9826@reddit
At a pub you must both queue and not queue. If you don't exist in a quantum state of doing both simultaneously you'll massively upset someone
Funnybear3@reddit
Ah. Shrodingers pub queue paradox. The resolution of the queue is not known untill the bar staff, being deterministic observers of the local conditions, resolve the quantum state of the queue by either making eye contact or not.
But the quantum state of the queue can be returned to, hereby known as the 'is the pint full, or empty' conjecture, if any interaction by the waveform that is known as the QQ 'Quantum Queue' is made to interfere with the deterministic state of the barstaff. Such as, waving money, saying 'i think you'll find i was next', coughing pointedly, or generally just being an ignorant arse. (The Black Hole conditional matrix). Although experiments have been conducted that seem to show that an element of the QQ can convert itself from the waveform and coalless into a 'live' and vaible point in space by using a technique known as 'would you like one in?'
Scientists have been observing this phenomina for centuries now. Although consensus has yet to be reached, particularily due to how many 'full pints' have cooallecsed by the end of the observation window.
And everyone will be pleased to know that the cat is asleep on the windowsill, looking incredable smug.
Clear-Security-Risk@reddit
This is the Copenhagen Interpretation. Bohmian Mechanics or De Broglie-Bohm Theory would put the queuing would-be drinker in a deterministic, non-local "hidden variable" state where barman-slung pints have precise trajectories to the appropriate guided by the wavefunction. There's no observable crisis from the drinker's POV. The Ale Abides.
Funnybear3@reddit
That indicates that the barperson would have prior knowledge of all the states, from past, present to the future, of every queue dweller everywhere all the time.
Thats a big ask, and i dont think they are paid enough for that.
In a non deterministic system, information can only be acted upon when information is extracted from the wave function.
The only exception to this, that lies outside of unique quantum states of any given QQ, is the 'regular' state. Which, given the 'regular' particle consistantly generates identical results over time, allows the Barperson a clear indication of the pint required. Thus allowing the Barperson to circumvent the non deterministic nature of the QQ and can often endow the 'regular' particle the ability to jump forward in time, bypass the QQ all together and 'tunnel' from the back of the QQ to their favorite seat (next to the fire, near the cat) before the QQ waveform has had a chance to react.
I guess fundementally, its whether we believe in deterministic, or a non deterministic universe.
Does god play dice on a sunday afternoon in the Dog and Duck, over a nice Mild?
ukteaboyuk@reddit
Brilliant!!!
DustierAndRustier@reddit
As a bartender, please don’t queue. It gets in the way of other customers, and I’m sick of having to make eye contact and say “are you waiting to be served?” with people who are too nervous to step forward and initiate the interaction for fear of becoming a queue-jumper. Just find a spot at the bar and wait. I know who’s next.
Top-Car-808@reddit
Schroedingers queue.
It's very difficult for everyone to understand, but its holding the universe together.
TheBestBigAl@reddit
Wouldn't want to get into an entanglement with the regulars.
Rednailsorblue@reddit
This is especially true if you cannot decide whether to go for the pork scratchings, or dubious nuts.
mrman08@reddit
It’s a different sort of queue, not a line but if you see someone waiting to be served before you got there, the bartender will naturally ask them first.
Just wait around till your turn.
goldenthoughtsteal@reddit
And when it is your turn, don't only then start asking the four people in your group what drinks they would like, singles/doubles etc! (Tbh this applies anywhere not just pubs :))
widdrjb@reddit
Order the Guinness first. The barman will hate you a little less.
mellonians@reddit
This probably best sums it up to be fair.
hambez@reddit
Not true. The queue still exists at the bar. It’s just a mental one rather than a physical one.
Whole_Decision6481@reddit
Here’s me 12 years old shouting at two people, who barged into me whilst I was waiting for a coke and a fruit shoot.
strawberrychief@reddit
Unless you are a short woman. Then it's not a queue, it's an anti queue, meaning the sooner you start queueing, the longer you wait.
Curly_Angels@reddit
Woman full stop.
PiesPiesAndPies@reddit
Especially in pubs unless you want to fight 😎
Lupusdeus@reddit
I was in a pub on Thursday in central London and there was a queue of people at the bar with 2 staff and a massive empty area at the bar, I was with a colleague and we just said “I am not having this” so walked to the empty area of the bar and got served a few mins later. Would do again every time
kalendral_42@reddit
You Barlowed the pub queue - Dave Gorman did a whole section on Modern Lufe is Goodish about how to Barlow a pub queue, it’s worth a look. Just don’t fold your notes lengthwise when you’re at the bar.
Disastrous_Yak_1990@reddit
Whilst I agree and have done that - What a jerk.
Lupusdeus@reddit
With all due respect, you understand why a bar is designed as a bar right? I wasn’t there demanding to be served before others - in fact I think it worked out as u would expect - but it’s the idea of a queuing line at a bar, when there is room AT THE BAR that I find absurd
Disastrous_Yak_1990@reddit
Yeah, we all know that. It’s weird times.
Melodic-Tutor-2172@reddit
Had an argument in Paris the other night with two queue jumpers! My husband body blocked them saying ‘Absolutely the fuck not!’
minnis93@reddit
And if you find someone else queue jumping, don't attempt to interfere or stop them at all, just tut rather loudly and roll your eyes.
Top-Car-808@reddit
It's traditional in England that when you spend any time in 'the capital' (we just call in London) then you will need a short break in the country. Just approach any policeman and tell them that you are interested in cottaging. They will help you.
Major_Explanation_69@reddit
Birmingham. Avoid it.
MintBerryFondue@reddit
Keep your backpack or bag in front of you unless you want to get your belongings nicked.
If you want to use your phone, look for a corner or a wall to go to and take it out when no one else is around. Never do it in a crowded area.
Dennyisthepisslord@reddit
Do NOT walk around caked in dried human waste
Expert-Virus1849@reddit
It’s fine if your going north of London
this-guy-@reddit
That's regional advice.
Ok_Muscle7510@reddit (OP)
There goes my fucking plans
mellonians@reddit
Its not that you shouldn't, it's more that there are designated places for it.
therealdan0@reddit
Mate he’s a tourist. He’s not going to end up in the job centre.
Grand_Pop_7221@reddit
Spoons
barkyr2112@reddit
Canvey Island
Tall_Opportunity_521@reddit
Yes, always make sure its wet human waste. Dry is such a rookie mistake...
fruity_brown_sauce@reddit
i.e don't swim in any of our rivers.
Haddaway@reddit
Don't go swimming in the rivers, basically
curious_kitten_1@reddit
Unless it's a Tuesday, obviously
Probs4PintsDeep@reddit
Unless you want to be mistaken for a Luton local
Otherwise_Living_158@reddit
Exactly, remain seated or kneeling at all times
Namelessbob123@reddit
Or keep it wet somehow
theotherquantumjim@reddit
What? Since when?
Dennyisthepisslord@reddit
Foxes got a taste for it and smelly Mick didn't survive the crush it caused.
theotherquantumjim@reddit
Fuck sake. Off home to get changed then.
TraditionalLog9445@reddit
Avoid all the usual tourist traps, the tourists will ruin it for you.
Eat real English food, it requires a little bit of thought and effort to find the good places, but please do it.
Get out of London.
oceanicitl@reddit
I'm a Londoner who has done the tourist places with visitors. It's a busy city. What's the point in visiting if you don't see the sights?
TraditionalLog9445@reddit
Because they said they're visiting England and England isn't limited to London.
Most tourists to this country barely make it outside the M25 for some reason. They get spoon fed the usual London tourist traps and go no further.
Such a waste.
Any-Republic-4269@reddit
To be fair plenty also go to Bath, Stonehenge, the Cotswolds, York and Edinburgh, which is the whole of England basically
Lambchops87@reddit
I see what you did there and I approve!
oceanicitl@reddit
Absolutely. I've done Stonehenge, Hampton Court Palace and Windsor Castle with visitors a few times and always enjoyed it.
oceanicitl@reddit
Doesn't matter if the tourist spots are in London or outside. They will be people. They don't spoilt the experience
TraditionalLog9445@reddit
Yeah they do.
HMS--Thunderchild@reddit
Obviously there are many great things to do outside of London, but if theyre there to visit relatives in London there's no point not seeing the big london hits 😂😂
How will the tourists ruin it? when i go to italy i dont leave pompeii for a random nearby settlement coz theres "too many tourists" lol
TraditionalLog9445@reddit
If you're using Pompeii as an analogy, you're basically saying London is the only main attraction and anything outside of London is shit (a little settlement).
HMS--Thunderchild@reddit
better example is if im visiting family in Rome, im not gonna ignore the colleseum and go see the Po valley when theres plenty of stuff right there
Obviously both places are still worthy of visiting but you get where im coming from man
HMS--Thunderchild@reddit
obviously not what im saying, get over yourself
i live in preston and will not face londoner accusations
lottesometimes@reddit
do the tourist things, that's what they're there for. Leave some bits to those that live there as tourists have ruined enough of them already.
Robmeu@reddit
Don’t forget to collect your free swan. They are available on all major rivers. Just take care as they can break your arm.
neilm1000@reddit
The greater good.
Pip1710@reddit
When someone inevitably invites you for afternoon tea, there are two important points of etiquette.
Wait for them to pronounce the word "scone." Some people say the "o-n-e" like in "gone" or "cone." You risk offending the host if you say it wrong.
Wait, to see if they put the jam or the cream first on their scone. Again, you risk offending your host if you don't get it in the correct order.
Itchy-Book402@reddit
What about the little dance of declining first, then hearing "are you sure", and then accepting the invite?
why_even_try_-@reddit
But when declining it’s not “no thank you” it’s “oh no I couldn’t” then you reluctantly give in because of course you do as to not would be rude and afternoon tea is delicious
Itchy-Book402@reddit
Thank you! Maybe that's why I was never successfuly invited
hoochiscrazy_@reddit
You're not gonna get any serious answers mate ;)
So here's one - if there is a queue, join it and queue properly. This includes for trains etc. Thats pretty much the only thing we care about so other than that enjoy!
HugeSydneyFan@reddit
Trains (and of course pubs) are one of the only times I don't see queues. It just always seems to be a mad crazy scrum to get on. Thankfully I rarely have to use trains so maybe I'm just unlucky the times I do.
bigcolors@reddit
You’re not. There’s no queues at trains or pubs, so as an immigrant who has listened to British people tell me that they love a queue, I’m left to ask where they’re actually practicing this.
mattcannon2@reddit
Except for a pub, where you are still expected to crowd the bar and informally just know when it's your turn
SnooMacarons9618@reddit
Same system at a barbers. You walk in, sit on a shitty plastic chair, or a torn vinyl bench, and commit to memory the face of every person there. When the last person who was there goes to a chair you keep your eyes peeled, next person who gets up, you look at the barber, they give a little nod, you get up and go over to that chair. Up till this point the only possible vocal interaction is if someone motions you to go to a chair and there was someone there before you still waiting, in which case you mention it's not your turn.
It's pretty much the same rules as for a pub, but quieter and with less booze.
Snoo_85712@reddit
If I’m in a hurry I’m pushing past mate, got places to be!
TheBrainKnowsBest@reddit
This is a strangely important tip and maybe the only serious one I've seen.
Here's another: how are you is not a serious question. I'm fine thanks! is the standard answer. Any more info and folks think you're weird...
TheBestBigAl@reddit
I find non-Brits struggle more with "are you alright?" than they do with "how are you?".
OP: in both cases these are phatic expressions, greetings that don't expect a genuine answer. The expected response to "are you alright?" (very often shortened to just "alright?") is to repeat back "alright?".
Hefty-Egg3406@reddit
Nahhh, I give people a proper answer and traumatise them.
Basketcaseuk@reddit
I’ve already walked off.
MeltingChocolateAhh@reddit
It does include for trains but once you hit the tube, it's a free for all, then keep well away from the doors or your bag might get stuck in it.
Escalators though, they're sacred. There is a stationary lane and an overtaking lane on every escalator. Even going down to the London underground.
imokaytho@reddit
Some words to help you so you don't get confused:
Crisps - chips
Chips (fat fries) - fries
Fries (skinny fries) - fries
Rubber - eraser
F@g - cigarette
Spotted d1ck - food
U alright - hello
Taking the Mick/Mickey/piss - joking
Right - time to go home
Tarrrah - bye
Piss face - urine on someone's face
Pus face - same as piss face but with pus instead
govnyuuk@reddit
A lot of Londoncentric answers in here. Where are the northerners when you need them?
IdioticMutterings@reddit
Our stores don't accept Dollars. We have our own currency called the Pound Sterling.
Existing-Orange-3212@reddit
I will give you a serious answer. Avoid Stonehenge m, a long way to travel for something so underwhelming.
Go to Scotland, Edinburgh is the most beautiful city on the UK, Glasgow is the coolest city but not pretentious and the highlands are utterly stunning.
Fixervince@reddit
If American turn your volume down by 50%.
geekroick@reddit
Don't wear a MAGA hat
jackog420@reddit
My mate has a trump campaign shirt it kinda goes hard
takesthebiscuit@reddit
And keep your American voice in America the uk is small we can hear you fine
Turbulent_Brief_2813@reddit
Unless you find yourself in Yorkshire, in which case Brian Blessed impersonations are mandatory
Tammer_Stern@reddit
“Palm pilot?” “Sounds like a wanking machine!”
Gwylany86@reddit
Palm pilot, people still use them?
Tammer_Stern@reddit
It was a classic Brian Blessed clip from a game show where that was the prize.
Necessary_Village878@reddit
How do we know they're American?
strawberrychief@reddit
They tell everyone.
visigone@reddit
They're going to London. Being obnoxiously loud will help them fit in with the locals.
SoggyWotsits@reddit
That would be even more strange if OP wasn’t American. Are they even American?
Dry_Yam_4597@reddit
A bit ironic considering recent developments in British politics. My advice for OP would be to actually try and not speak a foreign language in certain parts of the city.
MoistPossibility3446@reddit
Birmingham
Pircster38@reddit
Never yodel in a pub.
Messterio@reddit
Get pissed and eat a kebab at 2am
H_Grytpype-Thynne@reddit
The main, no, the ONLY reason why we eat kebabs in the UK is because it seemed like a good idea at the time,
talligan@reddit
The problem with Canada's kebab places is they're too clean and healthy. I want a proper British kebab. I want an angry brown man who is 94% beard to hand me a congealed slab of suspicious meat drenched in garlic sauce. Like I can tell you the kebab I'm eating right now isn't a real kebab because I'm eating it while sober. The Kebab shop is always ran by a huge dude called Amir. Amir does not speak English. He does speak every other language in the world. Including "I'm shit myself drunk" -ese. "HARGHN JUGHBO GELRCIH PLAGHS?" you ask him. He nods. He begins shaving "meat" off that huge fucking rotisserie beef thing. Your brain, floating as it is in vodka, offers one word, "hoss?". Amir grins. He has heard that joke before. There's no horse in Amir's kebabs. Oh no. Horse is for those fancy fuckers on main street. Amir's meat is heady mix of rat, greyhound and eastern European girls who aren't very good at holding their breath. Amir gestures to the sad-looking vegetables on the counter, but you've already fell asleep with your face pressed against the counter glass. Amir tops your kebab with lettuce, cucumbers, bubble wrap and Styrofoam. He then adds so much garlic sauce that those ingredients cease to be. Amir grunts, and hands you your kebab. He grunts again when you nearly leave without paying. You stagger back to the counter and thrust a - wad of sweaty fivers into his hands. Amir gives you your exact fucking change. The next minutes look like a mix between the walking dead and a particularly messy bukkake video. You pass a young couple, you attempt a smile. You look like you just came off the casting couch with Peter North. Eventually you make it home, leaving a slimy trail of garlic sauce behind you. Then you fall asleep mid-shit on the toilet. You awake to the gentle touch of cool porcelain. Your throat and tongue seem to have sprouted hair. One of your eyes is crusted shut. Know now that this is your heritage and your legacy. You are a man of Britain my son. Change your sheets before you go out for a night on the town. It's the best gift you can give your drunk self.
Outside-Resist4688@reddit
Change the sheets after as well cos they'll be covered in dried garlic sauce, conjealed meat-fat and various other suspicious stains you can't explain.
Pr_cision@reddit
This made me so patriotic, holy fuck. I’m about to march to Agincourt
dan_gleebals@reddit
Had to save this as I was crying laughing in the pub half way through.
Messterio@reddit
lol, love it
Most_Kiwi3141@reddit
Holy fuck. This is purest poetry.
AvatarIII@reddit
Not 11pm not midnight, not 1am and 3am is right out.
660trail@reddit
But not too pissed. A relative of mine threw up in a kebab shop when he was pissed and they had to close the shop until they'd cleaned it all up.
Responsible_Town_632@reddit
and avoid fighting at the end of the night pmsl :)
straightnoturns@reddit
If you don’t hear “Chili sauce Boss Man?” At 2am you have not really been to the UK
Grezmo@reddit
Why? Too much cultural appropriation?
Messterio@reddit
Well, they could be Welsh or Scottish so no appropriation !
DrMoneybeard@reddit
Finally someone giving serious advice.
Fresh-Fisherman-1047@reddit
The capital, how lovely, Luton is wonderful this time of year 😊
SproutBuster@reddit
Luton is gorgeous when the cherry trees are blossoming, isn't it
Dangerous-Regret-358@reddit
Don’t be rude! I’m very proud of the town of my birth.
scalectrix@reddit
Remember to see Luton Bridge and the Tower of Luton, and the Luton Dungeons if you have time.
Hefty_Tip7383@reddit
Don’t forget the hanging gardens of luton
acorn298@reddit
I convinced my German mate that Luton is considered 'the jewel of England'
boardje@reddit
As is Slough!
VitaDeVoid@reddit
Only stand on the right on the escalators.
Budlight4life@reddit
Don’t talk to anyone on the tube ever for sone reason
lasarus29@reddit
When the tube/train arrives please stand to the left or right of the doors to let passengers off first.
If you don't, it is not only legal but encouraged for disembarking passengers to attempt to walk through you.
The changing of the guard happens in the parade grounds behind 10 downing Street at 10:30 on Mon, wed, Fri, sat. It's a great, free, surprisingly under attended display of tradition.
I_ALWAYS_UPVOTE_CATS@reddit
If you go to a pub and there's space at the bar, walk right up and lean on it. Do not feed the brainrot of forming a queue in front of an empty bar. That's not how it works.
Make a mental note of who was waiting at the bar already when you walked up, and if the barman comes to you first, nod or point towards that person. Anyone arriving after you should do the same.
Hefty_Tip7383@reddit
Exactly. How anyone gets this wrong is beyond me.
acorn298@reddit
This is the way
Alive_Forever_9541@reddit
If you have a day (or two) to spare, take a train out of London and visit literally anywhere else. There's so much more to England and the UK than London.
Significant-Math6799@reddit
Don't assume you should take the seat on public transport if you see someone who looks like they may need the seat more than you. It's not difficult, but very few tourists I see, seems to realise that if someone is disabled or elderly and looks like they're struggling, at least to ask them if they need to sit and offer them their seat! It gets me that if I have to explain/tell a tourist to offer their seat, they look at me blankly like the words didn't make sense!
Clear-Warthog5655@reddit
The English
amzlrr@reddit
When applying for your ETA, there should be a link to also apply for your TTM (tourist teatime mandate) - imperative you get this so if you miss the 3pm call you won’t get in trouble. So many Americans get caught out by it
miss-mercatale@reddit
PMSL reading through this. I’m half expecting OP to come back in a few weeks and say he got arrested whilst he was here and it was all down to this thread!
turboRock@reddit
Do not talk about THE EVENT
Oghamstoner@reddit
If you speak to a policeman, it’s a mark of respect to cup his genitals.
Polish_Shamrock@reddit
It's disrespectful to not give him a "dick flick" beforehand and slap off his hat obviously.
pajamakitten@reddit
Then steal their hat.
Mc_and_SP@reddit
Good luck finding one, they're all busy catching swans
Thatthereyuteclub@reddit
I see you know your judo sir
Icy_Mixture1482@reddit
What if you speak to a policewoman, officer?
MeltingChocolateAhh@reddit
You need to find one first. If you find one, you're probably not having a good day.
Ok_Advantage_8153@reddit
Most of these are dumb but I laughed too hard at that one, thank you!
KILOCHARLIES@reddit
Extra points if you spit in your palm first.
thierry_ennui_@reddit
Never enter a church without a photo of Dawn French sellotaped to the sole of each shoe
PartTimeLegend@reddit
That’s a CoE thing. Catholic Churches you have to kick the bishop up the arse.
audigex@reddit
They put a bra on him!
catsaregreat78@reddit
Forces transvestism. Poor Mr Sweeney.
YeahIKnow_IMadeItUp@reddit
You only have to do that if your a racist now
tobotic@reddit
Take note of what colour tile the bishop is standing on when you first enter the church and stand on the opposite colour. He can only move diagonally so he'll never be able to get you.
PartTimeLegend@reddit
But the queens we use would not excite you.
Fanny_Flapps@reddit
What if I can only get pics of Jennifer Saunders? Am I likely to cause too much arousal?
Karklayhey@reddit
If you move even remotely close to someone, say either 'excuse me' or 'sorry'. Otherwise, you could get challenged to a trial by combat. It's an old law we have not done away with, but if you are challenged and you lose, you could also face several months in prison.
Time_Coyote3419@reddit
Don’t drive on the right unless you’re on a dual carriageway!
gponter79@reddit
If you’re visiting after the summer go to Wrexham and watch a premier league ‘soccer’ game. You’re also not far from Liverpool, home of the Rolling Stones.
Expert_Candy_2985@reddit
Don't be scared to speak to us! mayby thats cos I'm biased and like to know what has brought a person to be sat next to me in the tube. Londeres specifically are more and more isolated yet their have been so many times when I have started a conversation and been better off for it! Growing up my grandma would take me to the city and I would literelly wave and talk to evryone I could. Learning about people when I interned abroad on my commute to work ect. was my favroite part of my day. It reminds me that we're all humans, and has lead to some of my favorite memories. DOn't leave without eating a greggs sausage roll or fish and chips!
OctaneTroopers@reddit
Don't be a knob.
Gimmethefreestuffplz@reddit
Don't drink the water. They put something in it, to make you forget. I forgot how I even got here.
ToadInTheHole7181@reddit
Look right before crossing the road.
strawberrychief@reddit
Don't wear white trainers. If you have some, make them dirty as soon as you can. Don't wear a bum bag, but if you must, call it a bum bag.
Basic-Implement8080@reddit
You must yell “wheyyyyyyy” and clap obnoxiously loudly when someone drops a pint in the pub
RhysT86@reddit
Ti be fair it doesn't even need to be a pint, it can just be an empty glass of any caliber!
Anime_Lover_1995@reddit
And follow it up with a "sounds like someone had a smashing time" to whoever your sat with 👍
MobiusNaked@reddit
If someone stumbles it’s the law to sa
‘Enjoy your trip’
Gwylany86@reddit
The correct reply to that is "going again in the fall"
pjwlondon@reddit
Or, if you're a Hinge and Bracket fan "The last of Mother's Spode!"
RhysT86@reddit
Or "Sack the juggler" 👌 Things all, bar staff love to hear!!
filbert94@reddit
No it's "go for the jugular"
strawberrychief@reddit
But you won't know how to do it right unless you grew up doing it when someone dropped their custard at school dinners.
MeltingChocolateAhh@reddit
I saw this happen yesterday and nobody really did it. It happened behind the bar. I was really disappointed in the community around me, but then again I failed to instigate it too. Were we all disappointed in each other?
Grand_Pop_7221@reddit
"Sack the juggler!"
BadahBingBadahBoom@reddit
And if you find yourself anywhere in public like a Pret and you miss the Tea Alarm you must immediately stand up and shout: "I DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR TO ALWAYS BUTTER MY CRUMPETS AND SHALL NEVER MISS ANOTHER TEA ALARM UNTIL MY DEATH."
You'll never find anyone online talking about what happens to those that don't for good reason. Please be safe, the US Embassy will not be able to help you if you end up if you commit such a violation.
Beeswing-@reddit
This is a great one, but they probably know it already as we'll happily do it anywhere in the world even if we're the only brits there.
zaxIntel@reddit
do not have your mobile phone out in public, someone on an electric bike will snatch it.
unaubisque@reddit
You'll also probably get stabbed a few times, so make sure your travel insurance covers that.
Illmindofhopkins@reddit
We'll patch you up for free though
strawberrychief@reddit
Not Americans.
Darkus185@reddit
If you’re driving, make sure that instead of merging at the end so that both lanes get used right until the end, stick your car in the fast lane and stop so nobody can get past, leaving the queue to tail back even longer. Not doing so makes you quintisentially un British.
Not only do we love to queue. But we also love to make sure that everyone else has to queue.
PiesPiesAndPies@reddit
Go to an Indian restaurant and order 4 poppadoms with chutnies followed by a chicken vindaloo with pullao rice.
Tim-Sanchez@reddit
Could you be more specific? There are loads of things to avoid doing, I'd avoid committing crime for example.
MeltingChocolateAhh@reddit
The crime is getting caught. Knock yourself out. Just don't kill anyone, assault anyone, and eat the haribos before you leave.
bill_end@reddit
I'm supposed to knock one out and eat the haribos? Presumably tesco sweets aisle is the best place for this
MeltingChocolateAhh@reddit
Preferably a 24 hours big tescos
Snoo_85712@reddit
It’s not a crime if u don’t get caught
south_by_southsea@reddit
Really important. Murder is particularly offensive in English culture.
Malagate3@reddit
Indeed, it's so offensive that the murder capital of the UK was shamed by a damning series of documentaries. If you want to look it up, it's named after the town: Midsomer Murders.
widdrjb@reddit
Killing upper middle class white people for 30 years.
takesthebiscuit@reddit
Yeah we take our Sunday archery very seriously
Super_Chayy@reddit
Sir this is England... you're probably breaking several laws by just existing.
royals796@reddit
Give it a rest pal
Super_Chayy@reddit
I see the appreciation of sarcasm is still alive and well.
royals796@reddit
Good sarcasm is fine. Tired yank jokes are just a bit boring tho. It’s up there with “oi ave you got a loicense for that shit humour”
Super_Chayy@reddit
I mean that would make sense if I wasn't English?... The point was we have many laws some cultures would find ridiculous that you'd easily fall foul of and a long history of laws we no longer enforce.
royals796@reddit
So does every country
Super_Chayy@reddit
Ok.
audigex@reddit
We appreciate good sarcasm, but that was shit sarcasm
Future-Exercise-7433@reddit
Is that allowed?
SpaceMonkeyAttack@reddit
When did this come in?
Economy-Fox-5559@reddit
Well hold on let's be reasonable and hear what the criminals have to say about that.
theotherquantumjim@reddit
It’s fine. Just try not to get caught, but if you do, blame it on James Corden.
Which-World-6533@reddit
This is why I carry an Id card with James Corden and his Hollywood address on it.
It proves he did it, and by the time he finds out I'm long gone.
AmazingPangolin9315@reddit
Avoid getting caught comes to mind.
AnyOlUsername@reddit
Don’t stick your arm down a badger hole.
Ancient-Ad9861@reddit
Whilst in london, dont accidentally walk in or across a cycle lane. They scream at you like they’re psychopaths!
mattymattymatty96@reddit
Travel outside London. The UK is more than London.
Careless-Wonder7886@reddit
Don't ask to see a woman's fanny pack
coastalkid92@reddit
On an escalator, stand on the right, pass on the left. And please for the love of god, if you're taking the tube with luggage, avoid it during peak commuting times.
audigex@reddit
Not much people can sensibly due if that's when their flight or train is, tbf
Loud_Ad_9187@reddit
I read that as taking the lube with tuggage
Paradoxbox00@reddit
I must do this when I’m next in London
Hefty-Egg3406@reddit
Also self awareness and if you need to stop, check a phone, got a bit lost… move to the side, against a wall or shop window. You wouldn’t abruptly stop your car and park in the middle of a busy road. Please don’t stand in the middle of paths aimlessly or, my greatest pet peeve, randomly start walking backwards.
And wait for the green man at lights. I see tourists walk out infront of buses every day as they don’t know what’s going on.
As someone who works close to one of the top tourist destinations, the lack of situational awareness is astounding.
coastalkid92@reddit
Mate, I'm right in Oxford Circus and the lack of awareness kills my spirit on a regular basis.
craigus17@reddit
I was working on Oxford street during the 2012 Olympics.
The number of tourists who would alight from the tube carriage and then just fking STOP.
move out the way, some of us are trying to go to work
Hefty-Egg3406@reddit
I’ve considered a side hustle of pickpocketing to get reparations for the stress brought to my life.
Why do they move so erratically, walking slow, sideways, backwards until they decide to sprint infront of a bus. 😭
coastalkid92@reddit
Its so so so much worse at Christmas or whenever all the americans are in town for the NFL/NBA stuff.
But yeah, how do they not see the massive red bus?
Eden1117_98@reddit
and if you do have luggage, put it on the step behind you also on the right
Hefty-Egg3406@reddit
Or use the lifts if they are available! I’ve seen tourists tumble wumble down escalators with their luggage on top of them in a station with lifts.
craigus17@reddit
I came here specifically to say about standing on the right on escalators.
_Cridders_@reddit
When you go to a pub, remember to kiss the barman on the hand so as to not appear rude
Careless-Internet-63@reddit
That's all I have to do? He made me kiss him on the lips last time I was in England
VodkaMargarine@reddit
Just a kiss? He gave me head.
Had to ask him to top it up from the pump.
DTH2001@reddit
That’s barmy
Prior_Garlic_8710@reddit
Hah, last I heard that expression was in my year 5 play, ironically it was set in baghdad
IrishFlukey@reddit
He was bending over to pick up a glass at the time. Those were not his lips.
Chiccada@reddit
To shreds you say?
OmeDodo@reddit
That's it ? After 7 weeks I found out I was pregnant... and I'm a male !
Sergeant_Fred_Colon@reddit
Thats why I don't drink down the Seahorses any more.
easting10@reddit
You only had to kiss him on the lips?
DebaucheV5@reddit
They didn't specify which lips
jaynoj@reddit
Why did this comment make me think of Kenny Everett.
Nevernonethewiser@reddit
It was an open invitation, nobody forced you.
mrman08@reddit
Also don’t be the first to let go, make sure they pull away first and be sure to keep eye contact.
SWLondonLady@reddit
Don’t forget the compulsory round for everyone first time you go to a pub.
ExcitementKooky418@reddit
On the hand? I think I misunderstood when he said to kiss his ring.
MezzStipe@reddit
😄😆🙌🏼
No-Sympathy-4103@reddit
😂
Mc_and_SP@reddit
When walking through people's gardens, it is customary to chant
We do beg your pardon, we are in your garden
Increasingly loudly until someone comes out of the house - then you need to run.
Ok-Pumpkin-6203@reddit
It's customary for tourists to buy the whole pub a pint.
Fluffy-Mycologist259@reddit
Take extra care of your belongings when in capital
codename474747@reddit
Call your Aunt's Husband your Uncle, that might be the first thing....
seaclifftonne@reddit
The capital lol
Nym_Nightingale@reddit
Get a wrist strap for your phone. Probably nothing will happen, but better to be safe, especially if you plan to be around touristy places. Other than that just behave like a normal person lol
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
No need for this at all.
Nym_Nightingale@reddit
Probably not, but it's also no harm to have one. Got one on my phone 24/7 despite not going anywhere.
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
It does some harm in suggesting that a visitor should have one, it will scare them.
Nym_Nightingale@reddit
That's stupid. My phone is expensive and got sensitive stuff on it. I use the strap anywhere, got NOTHING to do with the UK. It would be the same tip with ANY touristy places as those do attract pickpockets. To pretend they don't is simply naive at best.
bill_end@reddit
What happens when you want to put your phone in your pocket and do anything else with your hand? Is it a convoluted process of unstrapping your wrist every time you want to eat, smoke, masturbate, pay for something etc etc?
Nym_Nightingale@reddit
Then ill just slide it off my wrist into my purse that I can close what a question lol. I rarely eat on the go, I don't smoke, why the fuck would you masturbate on the go lol and I pay with my phone (why I would not want to get it snatched or just leave it somewhere in the first place) unless I need to use cash which i don't carry.
I am aware from this thread it's not for everyone and that's fine lol. Just wanted to give a tip.
kona1160@reddit
What a weird addition, this is not a normal thing in england. I've never once seen someone with a wrist strap lol. Are you even English?
Hefty-Egg3406@reddit
Very common in London where people get their phones snatched
barkley87@reddit
I love my wrist strap. But more because I am very, very clumsy.
nabbymclolsticks@reddit
Absolute nonsense.
kalendral_42@reddit
Don’t forget to listen out for the teatime alarm, & make sure you have a flask of tea on you to avoid fines
WorriedHelicopter764@reddit
Pint in wetherspoons at 9am sharp, pub crawl all day then kebab
Hampshire-UK@reddit
Try the cider, proper British drink. Also go for a curry.
Univeralise@reddit
Go take a day trip to the wonderful city of Bradford
ClaryClarysage@reddit
Or Rhyl if you like the seaside.
ClaryClarysage@reddit
Make sure to curtsey or bow to police officers.
Sjuk86@reddit
You MUST, and I can’t stress this enough, order a drink then ask for no less than 5 pickled eggs. Ideally you eat then one after the other as to assert dominance, as the regulars will be watching and judging.
disasterdentist@reddit
If it's cloudy, say "Right, that's summer done then."
anonyyyymus1234@reddit
as a person that lives there the thing to avoid is the whole country atm
Ahleanna-D@reddit
Don’t just eat foods you can get at home. Try new things.
Sometimes being shoulder to shoulder is unavoidable in crowds, but giving a bit of personal space is generally the norm here. If you get on a bus or train, it’s normal to pick a spot in a row/group of seats that’s empty if they’re available instead of sitting next to a stranger. It has its limits, though - you wouldn’t be expected to move to another train car just for the sake of avoiding sitting next to someone.
If someone asks if you’re alright, just say ‘yeah, you alright?’ back. Don’t actually tell them what’s been going on, it’s just a greeting. 😊
If you eat in a restaurant and get the bill, if you see a service charge listed don’t also pay a tip on top of that. You’re covered and can just pay the amount on the bill. If the service was bad, you can ask for it to be removed (but a lot of Brits are too polite to do that, instead they just wouldn’t go back).
Respect the queue.
JimDixon@reddit
Your American phone won't work to make calls in the UK unless you have a specially built SIM card. You can still use your phone to access the internet, though, as long as you have a WiFi connection. And SIM cards are pretty easy to obtain and swap out.
Clear-Security-Risk@reddit
In London, when you get on the escalators, make sure to stand on the left. Then, when you get to the top of the escalator, ensure that you stop immediately to take in the sights.
TheSpiralingFog@reddit
On a slightly more serious note, if you're in London (I'm not sure about other places in the uk) and you go on an escalator PLEASE don't stand on the left, it's so annoying when you're in a hurry trying to walk up the escalator and there's a random tourist standing on the wrong side
GrownDandilion@reddit
Tower of london great day out and you can see the crown Jewls on display. And just up the road is tower bridge I would highly recommend taking the tower bridge tour as you get to walk on the upper walk ways that are otherwise closed to the public.
ANAL_PROLAPSE_KISSER@reddit
The crown jewels were bigger than I expected
Fanny_Flapps@reddit
Notice how all the London wanks just assume OP means London when they said "England"?
kone29@reddit
“I’m going to the capital”…
Fanny_Flapps@reddit
Apparently I can't fuckin read:)
oceanicitl@reddit
I'll add it's also a great walk from Tower Bridge to Covent Garden
EroticFalconry@reddit
Drive on the left…
Stand on the right on escalators…
Don’t make eye contact on the tube…
Never, ever question Stephen Fry.
And if someone asks “You alright?” they aren’t offering free therapy, the response is “Good thanks, you?” and then carry on with your day!
Enjoy yr stay :)
ExcitingWinter1800@reddit
dont go to England
lost-in-midgard@reddit
Do: queue
Don't: forget to queue
GLS1994@reddit
Honestly my advice to anyone coming to the UK is to avoid London altogether. It’s an absolute dump and not safe and there are far nicer places to visit. I gave the same advice to my American stepsister and she got mugged literally as she got off the train at Kings Cross only just arrived in London.
If you want to see Britain there are so many more beautiful places to visit where you can walk around and feel safe. I’m biased towards the north but not without reason. York is absolutely stunning, Edinburgh too especially if you like history or Manchester or Liverpool if you’re looking for something more industrial and there’s the Lake District and Yorkshire dales. Which are well worth a visit. If you want to stay down south Oxford, Cambridge, Windsor, Bath or even Brighton or St Albans are all far better than grimy London, even going to sleepy Cornwall or Devon is better.
AlucardVTep3s@reddit
You could do London, Edinburgh and Cornwall in a day if you catch the right buses!
Competitive-Wolf7803@reddit
Take care crossing the street
Ravekat1@reddit
You should avoid Barry from The Wirral.
Basketcaseuk@reddit
Avoid Birmingham.
Various_Implement_92@reddit
Coming from the U.S., on my first trip I was in a restaurant and asked where the bathroom was and got a weird look. Did I want to take a bath?
JournalistOptimal661@reddit
Talk about the weather. We like complaining about it if it's good or bad.
Short-Shopping3197@reddit
Which country are you visiting from? Presumably one that has basic expectations of public behaviour that you can follow.
Ok_Muscle7510@reddit (OP)
I am from Mongolia ub
Eragon089@reddit
when people find that out be prepared to answer questions, not many mongolians in britain
JustLetItAllBurn@reddit
High five to Mongolia for producing The Hu.
Short-Shopping3197@reddit
Fuckin love the Hu!
FridgeRaider93@reddit
If someone asks you: "Alright?" don't tell them how you are. Just say "Alright?" back. Its a greeting not a question.
SociophobicSisyphus@reddit
Make sure you have nothing but Scottish money.
Scott_infinity@reddit
Why not give yourself a whole day to yourself; turn your phone off and hop on the Tube somewhere deep into East London - take a long, long walk across to West London. Meander through the City, Smithfields, Covent Garden and Mayfair, Notting Hill. Twenty quid cash in your pocket for a greasy spoon lunch and a few pints at the end. You'll know London better than most by the end of it.
ButterscotchFamous@reddit
Are you 200 years old? The fuck is this suggestion.
Scott_infinity@reddit
Or OP you can join this geezer on his legendary antics. Lots of flashing lights, sparkly things, loud noises, etc. Guaranteed fun.
ButterscotchFamous@reddit
With £20?
Chris_Oblivion@reddit
They'll need more than £20 in London
MD564@reddit
Our most dangerous animal in the wild is the Mr Blobby. Similar to the polar bear, you cannot scare or outrun the Mr Blobby, you must simply accept your fate.
It's last known whereabouts were Brighton city centre, but has also been spotted in Portsmouth, Nottinghamshire and Plymouth. Also avoid carrying around pink lemonade when walking alone as this is its second favourite beverage, the first of course being human blood.
anooname@reddit
Remain seated when a lady enters the room
Fruitpicker15@reddit
Don't refer to the UK as England.
M1dnightBlue@reddit
Yes, it's actually Greater England, can't believe people still get this one wrong
HerbivoreTheGoat@reddit
Make sure to loudly espouse your political views. Everyone is determined to hear what you think at all times.
apple_kicks@reddit
London is safe city but few tips on safety.
Tourist and crowded areas have pickpockets. Keep bags closed, zips where you can glance or tap to check them. Dont have phone in your hand by road mopeds snatch them in some areas. Never leave belongings unattended
Dont take photos with dresses up people on bridges like charlie chaplains or be mindful of street cons.
Bus maps and tube maps usually indicate where transport goes. Check name of where you are and direction of station you’re headed.
riwalk55@reddit
Pubs
Fanny_Flapps@reddit
Some of the best research is conducted at 8.30am in Spoons
Separate-Milk-7301@reddit
Hope this helps
Probablyatrollmaybe@reddit
If you see some young men with their face covered in groups you have to say “Listen fam I’m looking to chef you up” it sounds weird but they will instantly realise you are a nice person then.
5850matty13@reddit
User name checks out
Probablyatrollmaybe@reddit
I was 100% that my British sarcasm would be appreciated, here at least. Alas.
5850matty13@reddit
You’re probably a troll 🧌
Probablyatrollmaybe@reddit
“Maybe”
5850matty13@reddit
Do you have any other hot tips for visiting England ? Maybe some south London council estates you could recommend?
Probablyatrollmaybe@reddit
If you want a genuinely hot tip the walk up the gorge from Lyton to Lynmouth in North Devon is genuinely lovely in Summer. If I recall there is even a natural cold water pool you can go in. Gorgeous.
5850matty13@reddit
I might try that .. I’m in West Sussex 😂
Probablyatrollmaybe@reddit
You won’t regret it! You begin at the bottom where the river meets the sea and walk up to a place where two rivers meet call “Rivers meet” would you believe. Cade does a bangin Scone too!
5850matty13@reddit
Ahhhh you had to mention scone - that’s going to open a whole new debate on cream on first or Jam on first - my guess is you’re a cream first type of person
Probablyatrollmaybe@reddit
Correct ! What kind of psychopath puts jam first ???
5850matty13@reddit
People from Devon apparently
Probablyatrollmaybe@reddit
But what about the ADHESION !!! Cream doesn’t adhere to jam. It’s madness I tell you. These people are clearly insane.
5850matty13@reddit
Or maybe Cornwall
Least-Advisor9886@reddit
if you should visit Bath, a lovely place, it is customary that you should urinate loudly in the main pool of the Roman baths, and then make a wish, similar I believe, to chucking 3 coins into the Trevi fountain.
blitspatrollie@reddit
Don't play that ball and cup game on Westminster Bridge. It's a scam.
Lottie13@reddit
Serious answer, don’t skip the queue, but if someone else skips don’t confront them just tut passive aggressively with a bit of side eye
fezzuk@reddit
Dont eat food in weatherspoons expecting good food.
Its cheap, and you get what you pay for.
It is a pub and it is traditional pub food.
Its also all cooked in the microwave.
Personally as a tourist i would just avoid weatherspoons unless your on a budget, a propper free house (not connected to a brewery) with good reviews is the way, Plenty of them.
Same to a lesser degree with green king, amber inns.. probably a few more im forgetting.
prettygreen1953@reddit
Tesco meal deal including beef hula hoops
MeltingChocolateAhh@reddit
"If you see something that doesn't look right, speak to staff or text us on 61016. We'll sort it. See it. Say it. Sorted."
Euphoric-Program6667@reddit
Don’t shit yourself I guess
MeltingChocolateAhh@reddit
Ok, but the public toilets aren't getting cheaper, and the free ones aren't getting nicer. Only so many stairs I'm willing to climb in spoons before I just squat and drop a brick by the bar.
Dry-Letterhead-2902@reddit
“The capital” is so funny to me as if London isnt like top 3 most famous cities in the world
Personal_Gold8880@reddit
Please don't be disoriented when you arrive.......yes it is colonial england now.....
-Londoneer-@reddit
To impress British people with your manly authority, stride purposefully in front of them when going through doors; strike heroic static poses on escalators, preferably in the left hand side, and talk in a confident volume in restaurants and public transport.
Triordie@reddit
avoid all food and entertainment in Leicester sq
EyeAware3519@reddit
I went to the food hall there a few weeks ago. Food was great.
Triordie@reddit
“I stand corrected” said the man in the orthopedic shoes
GoneAwol45@reddit
Jump over all the cracks in the pavement. Its bad luck if you dont..
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
Are you an American? Get to know your indoor voice and then use that instead of the loud outdoor voice
pink-Drag2812@reddit
are you alright? = hello
Amonette2012@reddit
D'oh, I just realised I totally misread your question as do AND don't do so my answer is irrelevant but I've typed it out now so maybe it will be useful to you anyway!!
Watch out for pickpockets in London. Especially places like Oxford St.
Don't bring a lot of cash, you won't use it, we use cards and phones for almost everything and a lot of places no longer even take cash, you'll just get stuck with it and have to pay to convert it back.
Don't feel you need to tip, especially if restaurants already add a service charge. If they don't 10% is fine if you feel the service warrants it, not tipping is also fine.
Google maps is great for working out bus routes and times, and navigating to the bus stops. Uber is cheaper than taxis most of the time but not always because of surge pricing. Book train tickets online rather than using a machine at the station to easily reserve a seat, and note that if you sit in a reserved seat you may be asked to move - they usually have a screen telling you whether it is free. It's fine to sit in a reserved seat as long as you are prepared to move if someone has a ticket for it. For busy times, I do recommend reserving a seat and sitting in it. Trains are a good way to go longer distances but it is worth comparing it to National Express coaches.
Many of the museums are free entry but exhibitions are extra. Unless you have a burning desire to see the exhibition, just go in for free and possibly make a small donation if you want to - there will be plenty to see without the extra cost of the exhibition (but again if it's something you really want to see it will be worth it).
If you are in London, I highly recommend a day trip to Oxford or Cambridge, they're both beautiful and easy to visit in a day. But don't think you can pack in a trip to Scotland or anything super far away unless you're here for a while.
insertitherenow@reddit
If you go in a pub and people are queuing this is the only time you can ignore the queue and stand at the bar. Don’t forget to berate the people queuing as well.
NarwhalTop1821@reddit
Take money.
I-am-not-a-dam@reddit
Don't worry about crossing the road at designated crossings. Crossing wherever when safe to do so is not a crime. The only potential crime would be crimes against fashion if you do not have underwear on your head as is tradition.
zecrichardson@reddit
Easy. Avoid England! I am English by the way
SauceoftheNile_3000@reddit
Make sure you buy a newspaper, preferably News of the World to get a UK perspective on global affairs
Oozlum-Bird@reddit
Get a train out of London and head to the South Coast for a day. Walk the 12ish miles between Seaford and Eastbourne along the Seven Sisters cliffs, get fish and chips, and then the train back to London.
You don’t get many more quintessentially English views than that.
tobotic@reddit
Seaford is such a meh town. The beach is nice and the views are spectacular. By every right it should be a big tourist destination, but it's just not. It's run down and feels kind of sad.
Oozlum-Bird@reddit
I wasn’t suggesting they visit Seaford, I was suggesting they spend a day walking along the Seven Sisters, which means starting at Seaford. Some of the best views of the Seven Sisters are from Seaford Head.
tobotic@reddit
Yeah, it was just an aside.
Pichouche@reddit
Don't forget to thank the bus driver :))
Alternative-Fox-7255@reddit
If you’re Welsh heritage, don’t walk around Hereford cathedral drunk on a Sunday morning because the bishop of Hereford can legally shoot you with a bow and arrow. This is all 100% true btw
medlilove@reddit
Don’t tip in dollars
Dvdphile@reddit
My advice would be - Avoid London!
TheJesterOfHyrule@reddit
Thank the bus driver
REKABMIT19@reddit
Where are you from, culturally? Things not to do may be based on a what you normally do.
InsertObligatoryPun@reddit
Don’t piss on someone’s front door in the middle of the night.
IrishFlukey@reddit
Go round the back.
Ok_Muscle7510@reddit (OP)
Even if I drink sea water?
humanityisdyingfast@reddit
We have a nationwide tea alarm which goes off at 4:00pm every single day. Upon hearing it you’re quired to immediately cease activities and have a cup of tea. Failure to comply will result in penalties issued by the TVLA.
I’m not entirely sure whether visitors are expected to follow these regulations as well. There’s barely any information about it online but it’s probably worth checking once you land just to be safe.
MaxMouseOCX@reddit
If you feel the need to start talking about American politics in ANY WAY, and after a while you wake up in the hospital thats totally normal.
vinny876@reddit
Ok, actual advice, keep right on the escalators on the underground(luggage also) do not stop straight after getting off, if you need to consult a map move to the side. As others have said queues should not be jumped. Do not keep your phone in your back pocket.
Hefty-Egg3406@reddit
I am so bad. If I see someone becoming a hazard at the end of an escalator I walk with my arm out and push them along.
DingoBingoWimbo@reddit
DO NOT mention anything to do with Kurdistan in Pret a Manger. IT IS AN EXTREME SOCIAL TABOO! YOU WILL GET HURT!!
BadahBingBadahBoom@reddit
A lot of Americans are mistaken in thinking the UK abolished capital punishment. We haven't.
If you find yourself anywhere in public like a Pret and you miss the Tea Alarm you must immediately stand up and shout: "I DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR TO ALWAYS BUTTER MY CRUMPETS AND SHALL NEVER MISS ANOTHER TEA ALARM UNTIL MY DEATH."
You'll never find anyone online talking about what happens to those that don't for good reason. Please be safe, the US Embassy will not be able to help you if you end up if you commit such a violation.
Hcmp1980@reddit
Respect the queue, you will get your turn and it will be fair. Not exchanges between people are needed, no need to stress.
Hefty-Egg3406@reddit
It is appropriate to ask “are you in the queue?” Or “is this the queue” to ensure you are joining at the back and not committing a sin.
Hefty-Egg3406@reddit
Oh and don’t crawl up the arsehole of the person infront. Leaning against them doesn’t make things go faster and it’s not appropriate to touch or push strangers in the UK.
Cookie85@reddit
Don't smile at people on the tube, no idea why we all find this awkward but we do.
tmbyfc@reddit
Cheeky Nando's
Normal-Internal164@reddit
Don’t shout
Arniepepper@reddit
The English. Avoid them.
(jk)
DB-DanCooper@reddit
Try and remember that its the default country on the world and any oddness you notice is entirely your fault.
Soggy-Assist3936@reddit
dont call it the capital lol
TheViscountRang@reddit
How long are you staying for and when are you coming?
Ok_Muscle7510@reddit (OP)
I'm staying for 10 days I will go at 5/27
TheeHappyDude@reddit
There's only 12 months in the year. What's the 27 mean?
Ok_Muscle7510@reddit (OP)
5=month 27=day
TheeHappyDude@reddit
Strange way round to put it then
TheeHappyDude@reddit
Duh...really?
MDL1983@reddit
27/5 then 👍
Beneficial_Ear9631@reddit
Excellent point. OP don't put M before D 😂
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
You will be kicked out for that sort of foreign muck.
It’s 27/5 here. Be warned
Prize-Corgi-8692@reddit
Do wear a mr blobby outfit on a Monday lunch time
Eden1117_98@reddit
don’t try to make small talk when you’re on public transport. If you’re lost, then most people will be completely fine with you asking for directions. if you’re likely to try and show someone Google Maps or Apple maps on your phone to ask for assistance, then I suggest you change the language on the map to English so they actually know what they’re looking at. I once had this Chinese lady who seemed very lost asking me for directions, but all the place names and station names on her map were in Mandarin so I had no idea what I was trying to show her.
Hoop66@reddit
If you have a minor injury, you can ask any member of parliament to help you (this is why they call them MP's surgeries).
Wooden-Bookkeeper473@reddit
If someone asks you to go Dogging don't go unless you really like the person asking.
LucyLovesApples@reddit
You don’t tip in Wetherspoons or Nando’s . They will think you’re weird
Sway_RL@reddit
Don't tip anywhere in the UK.
Fingertoes1905@reddit
Don’t walk over 3 drains
Familiar-Woodpecker5@reddit
I still don’t do this
Lion-Resident@reddit
Where are you coming from? My response will be based on this.
Ok_Muscle7510@reddit (OP)
I'm from Mongolia UB
orange_fudge@reddit
Don’t use ‘the capital’ to refer to London, outside of a pub quiz or a policy meeting.
Boomalla@reddit
Ask everyone you meet if they’re alright.
waveform06@reddit
Dont call us Brits!
ThierryMercury@reddit
Really? Why? I don't mind being called Brit.
Big-Anywhere4107@reddit
Avoid scousers
Familiar-Woodpecker5@reddit
Avoid England at all costs and visit Scotland 🏴 or Wales 🏴 (jk jk)
Arduous_Aardvark@reddit
Dont stand on the right. I'll let you figure out where this implies.
salutdamour@reddit
Where are you coming from?
Ok_Muscle7510@reddit (OP)
I'm from Mongolia UB
Funion_knight@reddit
Avoid: England Do: Wales Don't : Scotland
msma46@reddit
Here’s a serious answer that I haven’t seen in the comments: in London there is a protocol on escalators (moving stairs). You should stand on the right hand side, so that people in a hurry can walk up or down the left hand side.
Similarly, many people on pavements (sidewalks) are in a hurry - if you want to stop to admire the view or look up directions, step to one side so you don’t block the way.
Finally, eating out in London is expensive. You can make yourself a nice picnic for eating in one of the many green spaces by going to Simply Food - there’s one close to most of the bigger train/railroad stations.
Ryanhussain14@reddit
Get a pocket map of Central London and the London Underground. Helped me out a lot when I travelled recently. Also bring plenty of hydration for the heat (I would have a 1L bottle of water in one rucksack pocket and a sports drink in the other rucksack pocket).
Current_Crow_9197@reddit
Don’t jump queues. Be polite but don’t overshare, unless you are in a social situation. Don’t fall for ‘english food is bland’, we have cuisines from all over the world, try them out.
constipated_coconut@reddit
please oh please stand on the RIGHT side of the escalator
MadMuffinMan117@reddit
And for the love of god MIND THE GAP. MIND THE GAP
PandaPop81@reddit
Don't try and do an English accent.
Around-3-ish@reddit
Have a hot Greggs sausage role. Also kiss a policeman on the lips.
DOPEYDORA_85@reddit
Just be polite, have fun
Where are you visiting?
detectivebabylegz@reddit
Things to avoid?
Bradford.
No_Story5313@reddit
I'm in Bradford. Listen to this guy/gal.
Mubadger@reddit
Don't do your aunt. Or her husband.
Outside_Natural7210@reddit
Don't call the beer or the food
makemycockcry@reddit
You should - Look at London from the train or taxi as you leave and go to England, its the big bit outside that shitbox. You should not - Say I've been to England and have only stayed in that shitbox.
smileyhappy@reddit
If you’re American - we don’t care if you think you’re Scottish / English / Welsh / Irish just because your great great great grandpa’s next door neighbour’s dog has a relative from the UK
Melendine@reddit
Have a basic understanding of how to use the tube and buses in London.
Understand how much pounds are in your local currency.
Have a contactless bank card if you can as that’s the main payment method for everything.
LucyLovesApples@reddit
Have your ticket/card ready when you use the tube and not stand in the turnstile or any exits points. Keep to the appropriate side in escalators
Careful-deflation83@reddit
Complain about the weather, regardless of the weather. Buy fish & chips. Don't panic if it says the tube is delayed, there'll be another in like 45 seconds. Only eat kebabs when pissed. Stroke nice dogs. Go to the theatre and wander round the museums and have a cheesy photo near big Ben on the bridge and have a generally lovely time queuing 🥰
Sokkess49@reddit
Get a meal deal from one of the grocery stores and eat it on Primrose Hill. Eat a sausage roll from Greggs. Have a drink and a bowl of chips at a Wetherspoon. Go to charity shops. Visit Hatchards and daunt books. Have a classic Sunday roast. Go to Camden, Shoreditch and st James park. Watch a movie at little prince.
Low-Associate-8853@reddit
Go to Bradford
trustmeimabuilder@reddit
If you ask for biscuits and gravy, be prepared to be surprised.
Keep the decibels down a bit while speaking.
Life_Werewolf3641@reddit
You must always sing three lions or sweet Caroline when pissed.
tbhvandame@reddit
Don’t stand on the left side of the escalators - up or down!
WriteandRead@reddit
Don't lick the handrails of the escalators.
Prudent_Data1780@reddit
Don't bother go somewhere better it's full of immigrant thieves and vagabonds
zettamore@reddit
Don’t be the tourist who has their backpack easy to get into. So many pick pockets in London specifically so always be aware of your belongings and crowded places with people behind you
Excellent-Abies-259@reddit
breakfast: butty shop - bacon, sausage and egg bap. no butter. brown sauce. 2 hash browns. 2 teas. 1 sugar in each.
lunch.: chip shop - large fish and chips. salt and vinegar. gravy pls. no peas. no tartar sauce. 2 cans of tango. 1 apple. 1 orange.
tea: find a takeaway. normally they have a kebab meat thing spinning against a heater. usually staffed by someone of asian pakistani origin. you will be ordering a box of popcorn chicken and chips with red salt. 2 cans of rubicon. 1 mango. 1 guava.
supper: head to super market. tesco or sainsburys or asda will do. you want some hot chocolate powder mix. you can buy the sachets if you want. cadburys is best. then you're gonna hit the biscuit isle. you wanna grab yourself the blue wagon wheels. and a packet of jaffa cakes. and a packet of something called mcvities caramel digestives. at this point. you can put bbc 1 on the tv wherever you are staying and catch some uk tv. in the 90s we used to have 4 channels. bbc 1, bbc 2, itv (channel 3) and channel 4.
bbc 1 and 2 are govt controlled. 3 is a bit more posh. 4 is a bit more studenty.
i hope you like it. london is known to vbe very cold and rude. the north of england is a bit friendlier tho. travel safe. but if you want some london based tv shows when you're resting after a day out exploring. i recommend only fools and horses. x
EatingCoooolo@reddit
I stead of greeting someone, say sorry first.
Diligent-Till-8832@reddit
As per usual, my fellow country men and women don't disappoint in the comments!
Don't forget to bring a parka! We experience 4 seasons in 1 day.
Toatkgstuff@reddit
Do not start a discussion at the urinals.
External-Praline-451@reddit
You'll get more serious replies on r/uktravel
Be careful with your phone in touristy areas of London, better to use it inside and not have it out whilst walking around.
Say please and thank you
Respect queues of people, don't jump the queue
Stand on the right on escalators, so people can walk on the left
Avoid stopping suddenly in tube entrances/ exits, if you need to orientate yourself, stand to the side clear of the doorway, so commuters can get out easily
Let people get off tubes and buses before you get on
You'll get cheap lunches, like meal deals, in supermarkets, M&S, etc, be wary of tourist traps for meals in central locations.
Dangerous_Bed2566@reddit
Don't wear a baseball cap
Historical_Site508@reddit
So many people really struggle with reading comprehension. OP asks for things to avoid or don't do. Lots of replies with completely the opposite recommending things to do.
Superb-Pudding-6532@reddit
Borough market for food Take a ride on the clipper If you like good steak try Flat Iron, reasonabley priced and quite a few in London Camden is great if you like something a bit different/edgy Theatre - all of it is good, recommendations Lion King, Stranger Things, Book of Mormon, (but only if you are not a Mormon!),Matilda
Have fun!
AidyGaGa25@reddit
Please moan about the weather to anybody you get with in 5ft of.
Leotardleotard@reddit
Get prepared to drink alcohol earlier than you normally would do (and in copious amounts).
Cocaine is seen as an aperitif, and it’s rude to turn it down.
Seriously though, it obviously depends where you’re going but I’m assuming it’s one of the cities.
People are generally sound and despite our reputation are pretty friendly and helpful.
Buffy_S_L@reddit
Everything north of the M25 is ‘the north’, everything to the west is ‘the west’. There is no east. South is basically London and its mates.
RaisinHorror1440@reddit
Don't tell them you're Scottish or hand Scottish notes to them. Finally, shouting "Freedom" is a big no no.
KatVanWall@reddit
I'd say make sure to have a little spatial awareness. Don't stop to look at things or take photos or check your map and plant yourself in the way of the flow of people. Be aware of if/when you're blocking where people want to go, or even walking slower than the flow, and try to keep out of the way or tuck yourself to the side.
Avoid playing videos/music or your phone on speakerphone loudly in public.
Queue, except in a pub, where there's an invisible queue so just catch the eye of the bar person and try to remain aware of who was there before you and who came after. Do not queue jump! If you see someone standing apparently randomly, it's perfectly acceptable to ask 'Is this the end of the queue?' (or 'Are you queuing for ...? -gesture-) if you're unsure.
This is going to sound like sacrelidge, but when you're out and about and you want a hot drink, coffee is by far the safer option to purchase than tea. Even a bad coffee will be drinkable, whereas a bad tea is vile. (I assume your aunt and uncle will do the usual traditional English teabag tea at home, so you'll get the authentic experience and don't need to seek out fancy teas in porcelain cups from Fortnum & Mason - which is not what the average British person drinks on the daily!)
No-Decision1581@reddit
Buy some beers from the local shop, drink them till drunk and shout at some pigeons and the odd seagull
TwentyOneClimates@reddit
Go see a play or theatre production at some point while in London, tickets are relatively well priced and you can book well in advance. Don't bother with Madam Tussauds or London Dungeons, get yourself on a ghost/history walk if you want something like that, there are plenty of them. See somewhere outside of London if you have time, plenty of amazing landscapes south of London accessible via train.
islaisla@reddit
Don't say 'oh honey look at these little houses aren't they so quaint?' :-)
TheAdmiralDong@reddit
Use the National Trust website/app to find some historical/natural attractions around you regardless of where you're going. The National Trust attractions can be country houses, gardens, castles, woods, areas of historical significance, etc... Some of them are paid for, some are free.
Even if you're not visiting for castles, history, or greenery, it can be a useful tool just to find a park to eat your lunch in if you're travelling around.
tptpp@reddit
when they ask you if you want beans on your pasta..just politely say no.. no need to make a big deal out of it
BeanzBruv@reddit
Whenever you go into a pub, order a pint, neck it and put it on the bar upside down..it means you're new here and you wish to make some new friends!
dan-72@reddit
Make eye contact with people on public transport, it’s a sign of respect!
TheeHappyDude@reddit
Have some brown gravy with a nice meat and some potatoes made by someone that knows what they're doing.
Lynvor@reddit
Go to greggs
sm3g-h3ad@reddit
I would say its all good! Just try not to fit too much in, youd be surprised how knackering it is. And definitely book all tickets in advance, queues are ridiculous!
BikeProblemGuy@reddit
Be aware almost everything in London is designed to rip you off. To have a nice time you need a good plan that takes you off the beaten path. "Oh we'll just get some lunch somewhere near the station" = paying through the nose for something mediocre.
Bantabury97@reddit
If you see a bobby, piss in his hat. It'll keep him nice and toasty when he runs after you.
Rude_Sheepherder_714@reddit
killer hedghogs.
PeacekeeperAl@reddit
Don't do what Donny Don't does
MembershipWeekly2752@reddit
As you’re a visitor, everything is free
Which-World-6533@reddit
Don't forget Naked Tuesdays...!
OP needs to remember it's when Brits celebrate the anglo-saxons who ran around naked apart from blue paint. We don't like to talk about, but OP should get into the spirit before hand and make sure their naked bum is painted blue in celebration.
Odins_eye_4@reddit
Make sure you drink too much, vomit, and then slip on your own vomit like a true Brit.
Neat-Suspect-6666@reddit
Avoid checking in for your outbound flight.
semorebunz@reddit
avoid getting robbed
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