Do Americans really move out at 18 or is that exaggerated?
Posted by Bulky-Blacksmith1960@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 99 comments
I’m curious how common it actually is in the US for people to move out right after high school. Movies and social media make it seem normal, but with rent and living costs rising, is that still realistic for most families? Do parents usually expect their kids to leave early, or is staying home into your 20s becoming more accepted now?
Altaira99@reddit
It's so much more expensive to live on your own now. My first apartment in Boston (1969) was $180 a month. I had one roommate, and could make my share of the rent by working part time at a grocery store. Right now, good jobs are increasingly hard to come by, which does not help. IMO young people are lucky if their parents (or grandparents) can shelter them until prospects improve. I've always wanted to spend another year in Btown as an old lady, but that ain't happening. 36k a year for rent?? Staying in my shabby little house until I die, hopefully. Kids/grandkids are welcome if they need a roof.
wrigh516@reddit
I moved out at 18.
Opportunity_Massive@reddit
My parents started charging me rent at 16 and gave me conditions for living at home. They had already packed all of my stuff and left it on the porch in the snow, so I just said no thanks and put my stuff in the trunk and left.
My kids can stay at home as long as they need to. My oldest moved out at 20, and my second oldest is moving out this fall (just graduated from college at 22).
I think the culture is changing around forcing kids to move out
Incola_Malum@reddit
Eh. I had one parental unit who thought it'd be cute to plan a rental payment plan for when I turned 18. I didn't even have a job, so I don't know what he expected. But, you can't tell him anything that he doesn't want to hear, so it was what it was.
Dropped out of high school, got my GED, moved into a 2 bed 1 bath apartment with 4 other randoms at 17.
Cheap_Coffee@reddit
My parents didn't kick me out but they gave me two options: go to college, or start paying (full market) rent to live at home.
Barkerfan86@reddit
My mom did that shit. As soon as I was out of school, she was like “rents due at the beginning of the month” and then got pissed when I told her that if I was paying rent then my GF should be able to stay over whenever I want her to.
ember428@reddit
Not really a good comparison. Many leases for apartments have clauses disallowing overnight guests.
Opportunity_Massive@reddit
Yeah, that’s the kind of crap that my parents would have pulled. They actually started charging me rent when I was 16, and had conditions on it. I moved out instead.
aachensjoker@reddit
That would have went over as well as a lead balloon at my house.
But my best friend’s dad had remarried. And her son was allowed to do that at their house.
irishgirl1981@reddit
My oldest graduated last year and we gave them the same options, but were only going to charge $100-$200/month as a way of preparing them for budgeting/rent/real life. More of a soft launch. And we planned to save it for them to give back once they fully move out. They ended up at community college and with a work study position, but know if they drop out, they'll need to find something within a couple months to start paying.
realdonaldtramp3@reddit
That was also my option
ThroatFun478@reddit
I am Gen X. I moved out for good at 17 when I started college and got my own apartment. My girlfriend (at the time, now my wife) and I worked a couple part time jobs each so that we could keep ourselves up.
There was no animosity with our families or anything. Her family couldn't afford to give her any money and I wanted my mom to start saving more for her retirement instead of taking care of me, and our college was 3 hours from our parents.
I don't think this would be possible now, though, because the wages of low paying jobs that tend to employ college students, like barista or cashier have not kept up with the cost of living.
WhimsicalStarfall@reddit
I left for college just after turning 18. Less than a year later COVID hit and I had to move home for 6 weeks, but then I moved back out. Other than that time I never lived at home again after turning 18
Steerider@reddit
I have a friend who was kicked out the moment she turned 18. Mom was remarried, and I'm not sure what the stepfather situations was.
Alert-Willow3458@reddit
I don’t think it’s as common. If people are going to a university, then yes, they usually will move into a dorm but visit parents on the weekends and/or holidays and breaks. But most people stay home until they start dating/get married because of the cost of living and there’s just not really a need to unless you’re not enjoying the rules in your parent’s home.
SidMarcus@reddit
My kid just turned 18 and we’ve always told her she’s welcome to stay for as long as she wants.
Hwy_Witch@reddit
I mostly moved at 16, wandered in and out till 19.
ExternalTelevision75@reddit
A lot of “moving out” at 18you see on movies etc, is kids going off to college. Typically kids stay at home a little longer than 18, but it’s not unheard of to move out that young
Sabertooth767@reddit
Define "move out."
Many people start college at 18, and for many of them, that means moving into the dorms. However, they will still use their parent's address as their permanent address and will spend significant amounts of time there.
Personally, I started college at 19 and moved into the dorms, and then got my own apartment my third year in school.
Mite-o-Dan@reddit
Do you really need a definition of "move out"?
RunningRunnerRun@reddit
lots of people don’t move out when they go to college though. they don’t move all their stuff into a dorm room. dorm rooms are small. they only take what they need for school. and they “go home” for breaks because dorms often close down when school isn’t in session
Different-Eagle-612@reddit
yeah and you don’t like change where you’re voting (if you got to college in a different state), your driver’s license, etc. you usually go back for summer (unless you have an internship or a job). it is legally still your permanent address.
mountainbird57@reddit
If you move in to a college dorm you most likely still live with your parents ~5 months of the year when the dorms are closed, use their address as your permanent address, and have the majority of your belongings still there. It’s really not the same as fully moving out.
Successful-Safety858@reddit
I don’t know that I agree. That in-between time is funny. Your college dorm is not really home. You still have a bedroom at your old house, and you still generally refer to it as going “home”. It’s not really the same as, for example, moving out of an apartment in adulthood where you take everything, change your address on your drivers license, and most likely will never return.
Cromasters@reddit
But if you are staying in the dorms then you move all your stuff back home every summer.
ladymacb29@reddit
buckylug@reddit
I moved back in with my parents after college
Mite-o-Dan@reddit
Then you moved out...and moved back in. Lots of people do that. You still moved out around 18. OP didnt clarify if they meant "move out for good at 18."
babywhiz@reddit
Unless you got kicked out at 17 for being pregnant.
Italuartcom9@reddit
It seems people really don't grasp this "soft" move-out for college. It goes hand in hand with nobody ever truly grasping how big the US is. Your university could be hundreds of miles away from your parent's home even if it is the same state. You back for the summer and stuff.
bass679@reddit
Same. My friends and I rented a house starting our second year but my legal address was still with my folks until I started grad school. After that I was never there for longer than 2 weeks at a time.I’m 42 now and we just got the last of my stuff out of my ma’s basement last year.
TillPsychological351@reddit
When you see a scene set after high school of a teenager packing up the car to move out, this is likely the implied scenario, they're likely going to university.
Mapleford@reddit
I was out at 18 but only because my hometown is a 3rd world dump
Boogerchair@reddit
Big colleges + money to pay rent for your child (or loans) means they don’t live with you while they’re at school
New-Sheepherder2239@reddit
Exaggerated
mommawolf2@reddit
I moved out at 16. My father and his siblings moved out at 18.
My grandmother moved out at 15.
I own a home that my eldest rents from me and I've told all my kids that no matter what happens there's always a room for them with me. Life is hard and I'll never not have rooms available for my kids.
Guilty_Objective4602@reddit
I left living in my parents’ house full-time to move far away from them for college at 18. For the duration of college, I lived the majority of the year in dorms or a house or apartment near campus and returned to my parents’ house only for summer break, winter break, and an occasional spring or Thanksgiving break. Just as I was graduating (literally the same day), I was offered a job I’d interviewed for in the same city as my university. I’d already sublet my apartment for the summer, so, instead of packing to move back home with my parents and look for a job, like I’d originally planned, I packed up and moved into a new apartment across town that was a little closer to my new job. I have not lived with my parents since then, and it’s been decades.
ChemicallyAlteredVet@reddit
We have 2 children, 28 and 22. Our oldest left for University at 18 but came home all breaks and summer the first year. Second year she got an apartment with friends. Has her own home, job fiancé now. Our youngest graduated during COVID. Was able to move to a bigger city for school for 18 months.
Last Fall she had to move back home. Can’t afford school, jobs she can get don’t pay enough for her to survive. So she’s back home, working, going to start back to school in the Fall. But she doesn’t make much despite working 39 hrs a week. I don’t think she’ll be able to leave for some time.
Old-guy64@reddit
Fully moved out at 19.
The first year I was in the military I came home as often as I could.
But I got married at 19, and I took my wife and moved across the US from California to Florida.
All but one of my children has/have moved out. Now two of them live with us. The others have moved out.
Fuckspez42@reddit
Some do. Most don’t.
Also, 18 is typically the year kids start college, which is often far enough away that they’ll live in the dorms rather than at home.
realvctmsdntdrnkmlk@reddit
I did. I pushed past my mother with the clothes I was wearing and ran. She was a nasty and violent bitch.
theassassin19@reddit
I'm turning 23 next week, and I still live with my parents while going to school full-time, working part-time, cuz I can't afford squat!!
Lukin76254r@reddit
Do that for a while and you’ll be alright. Just contribute to the fam :)
Djinn_42@reddit
This has been asked SO many times on this sub.
Drunken_Economist@reddit
It's less common now than it was 20 years ago, for exactly the reasons you mentioned. Even still, 45% of high school graduates move at least once before they are 20 (according to the US Census Bureau)
DifferentTie8715@reddit
a lot of the time yeah, people will move out to college, join the military or or even move out with some friends for awhile after graduating high school.
Some of them never really come back.
Others come back for summers and maybe a stint after graduation while they figure out what's next ("Legally Blonde" has a scene where Elle is swimming in the pool at her parents' house, during what I assume is the summer after she graduates from college in California: she's certainly not living there during the academic year.)
Or they'll come back if they're between jobs or need to save up for a better place after awhile.
by 21-22... there's more pressure to get it together and become self-sustaining, if you aren't already actively working some kind of plan. People start running out of patience with a 22 year old who is "between jobs" and not really looking, or a 20 year old who's changed majors three times and dropped out of college twice.
After 25, most people I know expect their kids to be financially self-sufficient.
mothertuna@reddit
I went to college close to home so I did not move out at 18. I didn’t move out until I was 24. My parents didn’t mind and if my mom had it her way, I’d still be there.
Kids who move out at 18 for reasons other than moving for school usually are forced out by bad parents or situations within their home that they don’t want to stay.
At 18 I was still in high school and I think it would be really odd to kick you out at that age.
Sabriel_Love@reddit
I am 24 and I still live with my parents, but i recently found a roommate so now I can afford to move out! I couldn't move due to a whole list of things: two emergency surgeries (unrelated to each other), lots of health problems, and dead-end jobs to get me through college. Almost done with college soon and my boyfriend also "isn't ready" to move out. I am tired of waiting for him. So now I will finally have the freedom I've been craving! (Not to mention that Covid happened when I was 18 so I was stuck with that too)
westernuplands@reddit
There is an attitude in America that once you are 18, your parents have no obligation towards you & don't owe you anything. So, if parents let their children live with them past the age of 18, that's being charitable.
smurfe@reddit
I moved out on my 18th birthday because I had a crap home life. It was a lot easier in 1980 when I did it than it would be today. I had a job. I owned my car outright, and I rented an old, but clean and decent mobile home for $75 a month in a small farm town in the Midwest.
Elle3786@reddit
I feel like that varies a lot based on when and where you’re talking about. Twenty plus years ago? I’d say a lot of young adults were leaving their parents for college or work. Now, I think a lot more young people simply can’t afford to live independently or even with roommates if they’re all in school or doing entry level jobs.
I do feel like some of it was and maybe is still regional. It was extremely common in the South East to be booted out at 18, sometimes even when they were still in high school. It was seen as “tough love.” Gotta “push them out of the nest.” Whenever I talk about one of us being kicked out or living with roommates in my teens, people from other areas are often taken aback. They don’t know anyone who that happened to and can’t imagine anyone doing that to their children.
AcadiaRemarkable6992@reddit
Two of my sisters had moved in with guys 5-10 years older than them by the time they were 19 in the late 1970’s,
Leucotheasveils@reddit
I moved to a dorm, then home every semester break, then back home after graduation. I didn’t make enough money to move out on my own until I was 29. Even then I ate a lot of hot dogs and canned beans on sale for supper.
dobbydisneyfan@reddit
These days it’s an exaggeration for sure. I work with a bunch of 20 somethings and I’d say that the vast majority of them still live at home with their parents. The only ones who don’t are in their late 20s and usually have a significant other. And they didn’t move out til they were those things.
It’s rare for anyone around here to do the roommate phase in my experience.
I’m 31 and I only just moved out on my own last year. I did live on my college campus for a couple of years, with a friend for a few months, and with my grandma for about a year. But I don’t count those much since my parents’ house still had the vast majority of my things and was still my permanent address during those times. Or I wasn’t paying any rent in the case of living with my grandma.
Sitcom_kid@reddit
I graduated and moved to the dorm at 17. it was time for college. I'm not sure what happens in other countries. but I know many of them have colleges and universities.
AnatidaephobiaAnon@reddit
I didn't move out until I was 28 and that's because I had only been back to work about six months after a lengthy a job search after a layoff and my parents got divorced. My mom still needed a lot of help with home repairs and such so to help ease her mind I did most of them. Despite being a still somewhat new home it was like as soon as my dad left things began going wrong there. So I delayed moving out with my girlfriend, eventually fiancee and stayed another year to help my mom.
Living_Fig_6386@reddit
Sometimes kids move out. Sometimes it’s temporary (for college, perhaps), and they move back for a time. Some move out ASAP because of abusive situations at home. I think normal to aspire to move out early, but financial realities get in the way. Still, you can typically find inexpensive living conditions if you want to share expenses and are OK living in a dive apartment or renting a room.
Parents attitudes towards kids living at home are typically driven by finances, tradition, and family dynamics. Some force their kids out, some encourage their kids to leave, some let them stay as long as they like as long as they contribute, some just let them stay until they are ready to leave. Some kids never leave home.
AdamoMeFecit@reddit
It’s much harder for kids to launch today than it was 30-50 years ago. The economics don’t add up as easily. So yes, more kids end up moving back home for long periods of time while they wait to find jobs, lodging, opportunities, etc.
Home ownership for many of them is going to be out of reach for much of their lives.
Chodge1258@reddit
I did everything right for not going to college, i started working and saving as much as i could, 23 now with 2 cars and $50k in the bank and thought id have a house by now but that just isnt feasible anymore. Maybe in the next couple years.
Ok_Gas5386@reddit
Took me 6 years of saving (with a helpful boost from some good stock market years). Getting the keys tomorrow.
Also helpful, driving the same car I bought in 2018. My Kia forte does look silly next to all the pickups on a job site but it gets the job done.
Not-Sure112@reddit
Agreed. We all did when it was affordable. I'd say the 90's was the last decade it was still in easy mode. Today I'd say better hope you won the good parent lotto. It's so much harder to afford starting out on your own.
ToxDocUSA@reddit
Variable. I went to university 2 hours drive from home so I wasn't home most of the year but still treated it as my official residence and wasn't properly moved out. It was either 22 or 24 that I'd say I totally moved out of my parents house, either graduating University/heading to medical school or getting married.
That said, I also was pursuing education/doing something useful with my life. I'll extend the same courtesy to my kids, but if at 18 one of them is just sitting in his room playing video games instead of education or legit career focused employment, then out they'll go.
penguin_0618@reddit
I started college at 18, so I lived on campus. My college was residential so I lived in campus for 4 years. The plan was to move in with my then boyfriend (now husband) when I graduated…in May 2020. So COVID hit, I had to unexpectedly move home. I got a COVID daycare job, worked for 6 months and moved in with my then boyfriend in September 2020.
So 18 when I went to college and only lived at home for summers. 21 when I moved back home bc of COVID. 22 when I moved out for good. I think those ages are pretty normal.
547217@reddit
Well I did. About exactly 30 days after I turned 18 I had all my junk packed and hit the road. Never asked my family for a single thing ever since
jess3jim@reddit
My daughter “moved out” at 18. We live in A small town without a ton of jobs for someone her age and she did t feel like commuting 45 minutes every morning for work so she moved 35 minutes away into my brother’s house . She still comes home for the weekends to her bedroom and most of her college classes are online but she comes out once a week for in person classes whn she has to
I moved out right before my 18th birthday… but I grew up in and abusive and toxic home. I still sent money home to my siblings… however my husband and his siblings lived at home as long as they could and his 32 year old sister just moved back home to save money
dangleicious13@reddit
Once I left home for college, the only other times I’ve stayed at my parents house for more than a few days was the summers after my freshman and sophomore years. I didn’t come home the the summer after my junior year, and I started sharing a rented house with a friend immediately after graduation.
NoWrongdoer27@reddit
Many go to collage straight out of high-school and most of those choose a college out of state specifically so they can move away from home. Some parents are rotten to the point that kids can't wait to get away from them and move out as soon as they can. Sometimes to go to live with family members. Sometimes they move in with the families of their girlfriend or boyfriend. And, unfortunately, there are those people who never should have been parents who kick their kids out as soon as they can.
I work in an elementary school and it's incredibly depressing to see what horrible home lives many of them have. Many are being raised by grandparents or other family members. I can think of only two of my 25 students who are growing up in a stable, two parent home.
Wolfman1961@reddit
Many people still live with their parents in their 20s. I moved out at age 20.
WillaLane@reddit
My parents would have let me stay forever if I wanted
Background-Passion50@reddit
I moved out at 17. But, yeah it’s still pretty normal for kids to go to college or the military and move out at 18.
EngineVarious5244@reddit
I think if anything it's more normal in most of the country to live at home until like 20-22. I moved out at 24 with my best friend at the time who was 25. We kinda felt like losers living at home, even though we were both helping out with the rent, but it wasn't super uncommon in my city. Nobody thought it was weird, just made it a lot harder to get girls lol.
Then again, I was in a LCOL area. Now living in a super HCOL area, it's almost weird to move out at 18 for locals lol. I know multiple people around 30 who still live at home and nobody bats an eye at it. My cousin only moved out at 28 bc her husband (who was also living with my aunt and uncle) got a job in another city.
marksman81991@reddit
I stayed home for college and moved out at 24 when I got married
CreamyImp@reddit
It’s not uncommon, I moved out at 18. Rented a house with some roommates until I could afford my own apartment.
CreepinJesusMalone@reddit
I reckon it's less common than it used to be. At least from what I can tell.
I didn't move out until I was almost 20. I stayed at home my first 18 months or so of college because I went to a local university.
Moved into a no lease, month to month with my girlfriend and a mutual friend of ours. It was right beside campus and much closer to both our jobs. Iirc our split rent was less than $100 each.
That was in 2009/2010. A lot has changed in the last 15 years.
FillPsychological284@reddit
My 18th birthday present was a bill to rent my room. I finally moved out at 19 and I was the only sibling who waited that long.
MostAsk855@reddit
I think most slowly move out at 18 or 19. The ones that go to university move out and back with semester changes and the ones that don’t move out and back with job changes or life changes. Typically by the time they are 23 they are out completely. So I will say 75% of the time moved out from 18-23.
bringmesmilespls@reddit
I moved out 1 minute after midnight, as soon as it officially became my birthday. Moved my stuff out on lunch break and worked until midnight and then went to my new place. If I had better parents I wouldn't have been in such a rush but we don't get to pick who makes us.
Outlaw_Josie_Snails@reddit
Moving away at 18 for college or the military is still prevalent.
Other than that, it was more common years ago. The days of a high school graduate getting a factory job and their own apartment on the same day are largely a thing of the past.
The economy has changed. The cost of starter apartments has risen sharply.
The social stigma of living at home has softened; it is no longer seen as a failure but rather as a rational and necessary financial strategy.
Beginning-Olive-3745@reddit
I knew a ton of kids that moved out and were told to move out at 18. I've heard co-workers talking about their kids have to go at 18. My dad was the opposite, always telling us to just come home. All of us went to college and all returned home for a stint after then moved on with life. No conflict or issues.
Ok_Gas5386@reddit
I do not know a single person who was actually entirely on their own at 18. It does happen, but it is understood as starting kids out with a steep, slippery slope to homelessness on their path. It is widely regarded as a bad situation.
Zatzbatz@reddit
They go to college?
Rodtherobot4210@reddit
It’s extremely exaggerated
Opening-Ad-2769@reddit
I did but that was back in 1993 when that was possible
EvilestHarry@reddit
I think it varies from family to family. When I was 18 I I went to live with my father since my parents were divorced. But that was kind of like being on my own because I had to pay partial rent and get my own food and work to do that
nis_sound@reddit
It certainly used to be. My parents were both "kicked out" and my cousins in the Midwest (I live in the east coast) were too. Actually, my siblings were as well, but I'm the baby of the family so my parents didn't care by the time I was an adult LOL
I would guess this attitude is still prevalent in low cost of living areas, but in the bigger urban centers we're going through an affordability crisis and most parents I know now are letting kids live with them for as long as they want.
bluerog@reddit
Yes, many do. College is an obvious reason. Students live on campus.
For me, it was freedom, a few friends, and a job delivering pizza that paid enough to afford 1/3rd of a condo's rent.
By age 21, I was working in steel manufacturing making the equivalent of $65,000 a year. I learned the electrical and was making the equivalent of $95,000 in that factory four years later and bought my first house.
You can still buy houses for $175,000 ($1,200 a month) in the US Midwest. You can still find apartments for under $800 a month.
It's affordable in many places in the US. And most young adults drive and love their freedom and being young.
Trygveseim@reddit
I did but it came with joining the military so I never was back with family after that
Ok-Energy-9785@reddit
If they go to college
Obvious_Ship_7225@reddit
I moved out at 18
WildlifePolicyChick@reddit
I love this question since we see it at least once a week.
No, kids don't get a pat on the head and a kick in the butt out the door at 18. Yes it is exaggerated.
It depends on circumstances, goals, schooling, trade school, community college, what folks can afford and family dynamics. Some kids go straight to school, some kids go back and forth, some get out of college or university and move home for a while, some find a job straight away and either 1. Leave or 2. Stay and save money. The list goes on.
Both_Painter_9186@reddit
I’d say for most, 18 up through your mid 20s are like a buffer period where you might stay at home, partially move out or come back depending. I went to college and joined the Army after 18, but ended up living at home for several months here or there between semesters and things. When I got out of the Army I lived back home for almost a year during this window.
FionaTheFierce@reddit
A lot of kids go off to college but come home for summers. It might not be until after they finish college that they get their own place.
It is a lot harder to move out at this point because housing costs are extremely high in most of the country.
kae0603@reddit
Greatly exaggerated
minnick27@reddit
I was on my own at 17, my wife left her parents house at 28. People are different
NateInEC@reddit
Yes....
misspegasaurusrex@reddit
Many Americans move out-of-state for college and live in the on-campus dorms on campus. Many schools require Freshmen to live on campus if their family home isn’t within a certain distance of the school. It’s a transitional period between living at home and living completely on your own, many people use student loans to pay for it. It’s common now to move back in with your family after college though, for all of the reasons you listed.
WorldlyMarket7070@reddit
I'm not american but grew up in american ages 10-18. I did move out at 19. My brother also basically moved out at 18, in that he went to college and never moved back home again. Even though my parents are british they have a strong opinion that it's good for kids to move out young (although they never pushed it, my brother and I kind of just decided to). Maybe it's a british thing too? Idk because I know a lot of people stay home into their 20s here too
FrostyHawks@reddit
I personally didn't move out until I was 24. Saved money by staying at home through university and then worked a couple of years while paying off student loans/helping my folks with stuff, THEN I moved out after my loans were paid off. I wouldn't change the way I did it at all now, except maybe live a couple of years on campus in college.
Appropriate_Copy8285@reddit
Depends on family dynamic and area. I moved out at 17. All my other siblings bounced at 18. The reason was that our parents started charging hella rent and still set boundaries.