What kind of spider is this?

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Kaoswarr@reddit

I believe its a 'Green-fanged tube web spider', they are the spiders that make the little web holes you find in gardens and outside buildings. They are funnel web style spiders so chill inside their little hole shaped home and pounce on unsuspecting bugs.

This one is outside of its home, when they are outside they are really slow and vulnerable. I think they give a nasty bite but nothing dangerous, definitely our biggest spider in the UK though, we just dont see them much like we do house spiders.

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Super-Craig@reddit

'Green-fanged tube web spider'

Don't Google it! Unless you want nightmares, if evil were a spider it would be this thing.

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Wandering_ENTJ@reddit

I googled it. 💀

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Super-Craig@reddit

You did the one thing I told you not to to do?!

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Wandering_ENTJ@reddit

It was precisely because you told me not to do it that I did it. You activated defiance mode.

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West_Yorkshire@reddit

Don't give me £500! I'm warning you!

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Super-Craig@reddit

He's defiant, not stupid.

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Wandering_ENTJ@reddit

Thanks for that. 😆

By the way, you have a masters degree in entomology right?

What type of spider is in the picture u/AtariJaguarGuy posted?

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Super-Craig@reddit

I have an Honour's Degree in Entomology, though it's mostly regards to insects, not arachnids. Specifically crickets, locusts, grubs, maggots worms, and other insects deemed fit for human consumption.

But yeah, my best guess would be that it's a cross breed between a Common Wolf Spider and a Lace Web Spider.

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Wandering_ENTJ@reddit

Crickets are considered fit for human consumption? What is this the Snowpiercer?

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Super-Craig@reddit

I don't know what to tell you, so I'll just leave this link here and let you decide for yourself what to believe.

https://www.hopbar.co.uk/

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Wandering_ENTJ@reddit

I quickly caught myself stumbling down a very deep rabbit hole. But I managed to pull myself back before it became too slippery. I already feel like I've learned too much about entomophagy.

My skin feels like it's crawling. 😬

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Super-Craig@reddit

Well, whatever you do... Don't Google 'Scutigera Coleoptrata', you will regret it.

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Wandering_ENTJ@reddit

You are evil... 😠

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Super-Craig@reddit

Well, did you Google it?

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Wandering_ENTJ@reddit

Of course I fucking googled it. 😤

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Wandering_ENTJ@reddit

🤨

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Wandering_ENTJ@reddit

OMG!

I just realised that this was a reference to a comedy film I've seen. But for the life of me I can't remember it's name.

One of the actors is black and the other is white and the black actor says it to a third actor regarding the white actor.

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Super-Craig@reddit

Good catch.

It's from 'See No Evil, Hear No Evil' I watched it recently with a couple of my children.

The exact line is "Because he's deaf, not stupid." which was just a line that stuck with me for some reason.

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upsidedowncreature@reddit

Why is she saying “ship ship ship”?

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Wandering_ENTJ@reddit

That's the one! With Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor. And it stuck with you for the same reason I remembered it. Because it's iconic!

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Clear-Security-Risk@reddit

You better not send me £10 and a McDonalds Big Mac order by JustEats.

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Kami-Yeldo@reddit

Great now I've done it too, I hate you both

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Open-Examination-981@reddit

I googled it cause you told me not to and now I'm traumatised 😭😭

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Rudahn@reddit

In fairness, those shiny green fangs are pretty cool.

Still wouldn’t want to encounter one of these things though.

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pafrac@reddit

Nah, they're chill, we've got several living in the old screw holes where the previous owners removed an outer door, they just lurk in their holes and don't bother anyone.

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OliLeeLee36@reddit

Oh, we have much larger spiders than these guys. A giant house spider ran across my kitchen floor a few months ago - I thought it was a mouse at first, realised the error of my ways when I put my face at ground level to look at it under the fridge.

https://www.discoverwildlife.com/animal-facts/insects-invertebrates/biggest-spiders-uk

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BoltersnRivets@reddit

I'm convinced those things are intelligent enough to fuck with us.

it's the only explanation for one to be hanging out on the bathroom windowsill to wait until I was sat next to it on the toilet to move

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JasonStonier@reddit

Spiders are super intelligent. Have a Google around Portia jumping spiders. They show advanced planning and working memory, they’re capable of problem solving and they learn from experience. Remarkable creatures.

Also, while you’re at it, google ‘spider paws’. They’re so damn cute.

I love spiders.

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OliLeeLee36@reddit

Spider homie just making sure you're having regular bowel movements.

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BezWates@reddit

Is the wolf spider not the biggest here?

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BriefSpray3765@reddit

I’m pretty sure I got bit by one of these late at night in my garden few months back.

I was leaning on my wall in my dressing gown and felt this crawling on my leg and brushed it off non fussed. I then looked down and this huge spider slowly crawled away into the brickwork.

The bite took nearly 2 months to heal and still tingles from time to time and I have a scar there now.

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griffaliff@reddit

Yeah we have a couple of these in the stone windowsills outside, they're freaky big when I see one occasionally.

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Herrad@reddit

It's not, far too small. It's just a pregnant false widow.

Source: there's bloody loads of them here in the southwest of England and they look exactly like this

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Kaoswarr@reddit

Potentially! I just thought the limbs were way too dark to be a false widow. Also the tube web spider can have a mottled back like this too.

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evenstevens280@reddit

Pretty common in the South. We see loads in the nooks and crannies of our external brickwork.

They're chill. Super cool looking at night with their green fangs.

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_Happy_Camper@reddit

It’s his house now mate

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jexodus91@reddit

How do you know he was at work?

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Imaginary_Switch_747@reddit

scary maclary

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littlelimezest@reddit

its a False widow spider, harmless but sometimes the bite can be abit painful

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TipsyPhippsy@reddit

It's not that

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Substantial-Sell8913@reddit

It's called a 'Fukno'

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UnacceptableUse@reddit

!tlc

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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koyliMeld9003@reddit

Who cares, just give it the keys to your house and move to Antarctica.

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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Mi_santhrope@reddit

Had an outdoor shelter/kennel type thing for my cat last year. It had been undisturbed for 7 years and my cat never used it. Dismantled it to move house and one of these fuckers (along with about 20 other massive spiders) was inside and I am a moderate arachnophobe. Closest I've come to literally pissing myself with fear in my life.

Easily one of the biggest spiders I have seen in my 38 years on this planet. One of the others used to live inside the lid of my garden waste bin, and another appeared under my desk and I stood in the doorway of the room throwing shoes at it in a blind panic.

Fun.

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A_T_A_M@reddit

It’s a pregnant Hobo Spider, from the Eratigena genus (likely eratigena arestis)

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Krak3nkiller@reddit

Natural History Museum has a spider identification service if you want to be super sure of what you found. https://www.nhm.ac.uk/take-part/identify-nature.html#experts.html

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First-Lengthiness-16@reddit

This solves a childhood question I had.

I was in year 7 and felt something in my hair, I grabbed it and it was a spider with a big red/orange bum. It bit me and it felt it quite hard, and my finger swelled up.

This is similar to how I remembered it.

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CrossCityLine@reddit

OP has chosen a “serious replies only” flair. Please answer the question.

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Strict-Cause2761@reddit

A hell no

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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Mission-Shoe6684@reddit

Please mark this NSFW. Some of us aren't fans.

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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Snaggl3t00t4@reddit

...bring the flammenwaffer....or a can of Lynx and a bic lighter....

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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G-reeper66@reddit

I just "nuked" the house, problem solved 🍄‍🟫🪣☀️

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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OutrageousRhubarb853@reddit

I believe this is an insy winsy one, but that purely from the fact it looks to be near a water spout.

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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Kami-Yeldo@reddit

Whatever it is, I'm staying 3 cities away from it

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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Jamziboy0@reddit

a NASTY ass spider

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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Alarmed_Passage1980@reddit

I beo8eve 8ts a nope spider. As in, fk that im out, its his house now.

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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BoltersnRivets@reddit

what it is is a friend helping to manage local insect populations without resorting to pesticides!

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mrs_shrew@reddit

It's a nutsack spider judging from the pattern.

No but seriously it looks like a faks widow by the way its legs are set. Their 'webs' are mainly random strings all over the place, so that's also a good indicator.

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