What’s something you overheard on UK public transport that you definitely weren’t meant to hear?

I speak a lesser known Eastern European language, but, a lot of migrants from there live in the UK. Native speakers treat it like a secret language and talk openly about very personal stuff assuming no one understands them.

On the tube I heard someone say ‘it was good sex, but, I have had the itchiest vagina since’

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Appropriate_Trader@reddit

In Sweden I hear it kinda in reverse because the kids use so many English phrases in the middle of their sentences

Today I heard “läxorna läraren gav oss var så svåra and I was like ‘fuck me in the ass’ jag ska inte gör det.”

They have so many phrases but they use them in totally the wrong context.

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BuncleCar@reddit

I'm British but occasionally see German adverts on the internet cos I used a VPN. The amount of American in them almost makes me laugh sometimes

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NotoriousP_U_G@reddit

I hear the same in Lithuania all the time, young people will throw English into a sentence unnecessarily all the time.

Or they will Lithuanianise an English word/phrase where it sounds absurd. For instance chill becomes ‘čilas’ the which is like a good relaxed vibe

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a07463@reddit

Yeah im on the same boat lmfao fun y as hell when that happens (Lt)

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NotoriousP_U_G@reddit

If LT means Lithuanian like I think it does, we are talking about the same language

I learned Lithuanian as a second language, so, don’t look Lithuanian at all, so, no one suspects I understand them.

Even in Lithuania people speak to me in English when they see me

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ThrowAwayAccountLul1@reddit

Just out of curiosity what drove you to learn that particular language? I dont imagine it's near the top of many people's list of choices of languages to learn.

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NotoriousP_U_G@reddit

I met a Lithuanian woman in the UK, one thing led to another and I lived in Lithuania for 12 years before we moved to Ireland for work.

I have always thought if you live in a country, you should speak the language, so, threw myself into classes and refused to speak English after 6 months being there

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One_Transportation14@reddit

As Lithuanian i respect u sir its not the easiest languages well done 👏

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NotoriousP_U_G@reddit

My wife still laughs about some of the rants I had when learning “how can a table be male, it’s furniture, it hasn’t got a dick!”

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shibbyingaway@reddit

Isn’t English one of the few languages opting not to gender inanimate objects?

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NotoriousP_U_G@reddit

Yes, but if you are raised only speaking English, trying to understand that inanimate objects have a gender is really hard. Especially as in most cases there is no rule beyond “a table is male because it is, now learn the gender of every noun”

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shibbyingaway@reddit

I admit it was strange until I started learning German. Now I just think “Well of course a table would have a dick. And so would chairs”

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One_Transportation14@reddit

My partner is english sitas ir sita im trying to explain to him but he does not get we had so many laughter about this especially when we go to Lithuania 🤣🤣🤣

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NotoriousP_U_G@reddit

If you want to make him laugh, teach him the Lithuanian word for half.

Even years later I still internally giggle at pusė

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DerwentPencilMuseum@reddit

That's a great attitude, respect

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NotoriousP_U_G@reddit

Thanks! I feel like immigrants (myself included) are guests in a country so, should integrate into local culture, which is impossible to do if you don’t speak the local language

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a07463@reddit

Either study linguistics, or jusg like torturing himself lol would be my guess

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bosso_biz@reddit

I speak Polish and I had a couple of polish dudes come around to buy my old car. Naturally they spoke Polish among themselves and they were scheming in real-time on how to find an angle to convince me that they’re not that interested in the car unless I drop the price. I was one step ahead every time. It was like from a comedy skit I swear.

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vertigo90@reddit

Did you let slip after the price was agreed?

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DerwentPencilMuseum@reddit

I'm absolutely guilty of this haha (Lithuanian). There's quite a few Lithuanians where I live, so I have to remember to tone it down sometimes.

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NotoriousP_U_G@reddit

Lithuanian is the language I am talking about. Especially because I look 0% Lithuanian, no one thinks I understand.

I heard a guy in Primark the other day say to his wife ‘if your mum stopped getting so fat, we wouldn’t have to bring more clothes for her’ 😂

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LynxEqual9518@reddit

He was sharing information, presumably with a colleague, about a client who, if I understood things correctly, is very mentally ill. We’re talking medical history, medication, concerns, and a loose outline of a future treatment plan.

Fortunately, I was the only one who really heard him, because the three other people in the train carriage were listening to music loud enough for others to hear through their earbuds.

And fortunately, he never shared any identifying information.

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Opposite_Radio9388@reddit

Someone on the phone reading out their full credit card number, expiry date, CVV, and billing address.

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Realistic-Muffin-165@reddit

That happened at work, someone who should know better with a very loud voice read them out. Another employee wrote them down and used them.

A few days later they were very much an ex-employee.

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oliverprose@reddit

I'm presuming the latter, but I'd hope for both with something as dumb as that

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Open-Trip@reddit

I had this the other week. Neighbour behind us had had a car accident and was on the phone to the insurance company happily giving out all his personal details in a less than hushed tone.

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Unable-Ad2927@reddit

And what were these details? Just so I can make sure I don't put them in by mistake

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No-Decision-6019@reddit

Would you not need the name on the card also to be able to use the details if you were that way inclined

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a07463@reddit

Presumably person said hia full name at the start of the call

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raulmonkey@reddit

".....So then I had to go to the party with superglue up my nose".

Overheard a female work colleague of about 50 say this during her bar shift.

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itsNaterino@reddit

I was on an LNER train to York that was so packed I had to stand by the carriage door. Two women were stood nearby and they were having a conversation that made an otherwise crap journey wonderful.

The gist was one of the teachers at the school they work at was having an affair with one of the other teachers and it was causing a rift between the entire staff team. The teachers including the women talking were having to act nonchalant around the children if not for the professionalism then for the fact that the person being cheated on was also a teacher at said school. No school was named but the gossip I was overhearing was immaculate.

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Key_Plum_99a@reddit

Yesterday in Chester someone walked past me saying “ yeah mate I just got up, is it crystal meth,yeah, that’s what you want?”

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Eastern-Leopard-2866@reddit

Heard in a loo in Harrogate many years ago, 1 girl talking with another, very posh voice: “ Shall we do some horse? I’ll get some horse”

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MrSlipsHisFist@reddit

Had to Google what that was, never heard that ad slang for heroin before

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huddledup@reddit

It was probably ketamine, as in ‘horse tranquilliser’. It used to get referred to as Horse by people at college

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n0p_sled@reddit

Nope.

Horse is slang for heroin

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Y-Bob@reddit

As in Charlie Horse.

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Eastern-Leopard-2866@reddit

i thought it was maybe an old term for it, i’m out of touch with such things

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SignificantCricket@reddit

Oh God, this reminds me of about 20 years ago when I was dating someone who a couple of times openly ordered drugs over the phone in a public place in central London. He thought it was no big deal, and, indeed he experienced no repercussions for it.

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xHawkJxke@reddit

had something similar happen on a bus i was on. two people just met, got to talking and next thing you know one of thems telling the other where he can go to get heroin.

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johnbobk@reddit

Where's that? Just asking for a friend; he's .. umm ... a Police man, honest.

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nick_red72@reddit

The owner of a local restaurant chain was on the phone very intensely talking to of his managers. The conversation went on for quite some time and got pretty heated. The main message was that they absolutely had to get smaller ramekins as they were losing money on olives so had to reduce the portions.

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PistolPeteWearn@reddit

Not public transport, but in a cafe where I used to work. Three people at a table wearing local council lanyards.

"At the end of the day we have seventy thousand pounds missing from this budget, how the hell are we going to deal with that"

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spiderplant94@reddit

In an airport, a man very loudly telling the people on the table next to him all about the breakdown of his relatiship - he discovered she was cheating on him after she gave him an STD. Which is obviously deeply unfortunate, but probably not what everyone wanted to hear about at 8am.

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KaidaShade@reddit

Definitely prefer this to people playing slop tiktoks at full volume.

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northerncodemky@reddit

Speak for yourself… Love a bit of entertainment, saves on the doomscrolling while you’re waiting for your flight.

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umbrellajump@reddit

For some reason I love eavesdropping on these kind of things on trains, but on buses it feels very depressing.

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northerncodemky@reddit

This was in an airport apparently - cracking start to the holiday IMHO. And yes it’s depressing on buses because buses are depressing

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SignificantCricket@reddit

While the confidentiality isn't as crucial as for some of the financial and sexual information mentioned here, I don't think most people, other than a few specialist medical professionals, would've really wanted to hear a lot of detail about someone’s really disgusting hospital experience with a tumour bursting, which I overheard a few months ago

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DerwentPencilMuseum@reddit

Overheard on a bus - someone who was apparently involved in an Elon Musk-related legal case was seriously ripping into his colleagues over the phone for majorly messing something up. I don't remember which of Musk's scandals exactly it was about but it was in the news at the time, so I recognised what he was talking about.

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OrangeChevron@reddit

I could imagine that as a fake call to feel important in public

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TheClnl@reddit

Drunk woman saying "I want to feel you in my arse" much louder than she thought she had to her fella. Bloke managed to look both sheepish and excited at the same time.

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blitzwig@reddit

Maybe the guy was just her oncologist?

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thegroucho@reddit

Proctologist?!

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adreddit298@reddit

She was actually complaining. Between the size of her arse and his cock, she feels nothing every time.

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UnacceptableUse@reddit

I heard a woman have an argument over the phone with a social worker. Something about her son living at his girlfriends house when he wasn't supposed to. She went on for so long and it was so loud I pretty much knew every detail of her family setup by the end of it

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chartupdate@reddit

"I think that weirdo is listening to our conversation".

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Otherwise_Living_158@reddit

Was on a rammed train forced to stand right next to these two sisters. One of them was really gobby and on the phone arranging their night out, in the middle of the call she looked me dead in the eye and said “Actually I won’t say where we’re going out loud, there’s some weird stalker bloke on this train and he might follow us.”

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constructuscorp@reddit

"Nah mate, I'm on the sertraline, I can barely get it up most days."

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Otherwise_Living_158@reddit

The only other person on the platform at Richmond talking on the phone to his mate who had obviously broken his leg “Why don’t you just go on Grindr and get someone to come round and suck you off?”

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SteveBuscemiX@reddit

GET OFF THE METRO NOW MAN!!!

IYKYK

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bopeepsheep@reddit

Guy on my bus once was having a very loud phone conversation about how he'd walked out of an open prison a couple of days earlier and was staying with his Nan on [local estate] because she wouldn't make him go back, unlike his mum. He then made some quite detailed plans to obtain drugs.

The bus was boarded by two uniformed PCs at the stop by the police station, and they greeted him by name. "Oops, gotta go!" - he hung up. They escorted him from the bus at the next stop. I hope his Nan didn't wait up for him.

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Away-Opposite919@reddit

I overheard two insurances or bankers talking about buying up purchase data from various food retailers. And that it was going to be used to alter people's premiums based on healthy choices in the near future. They spoke for a good two hours so it's hard to remember all of it.

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weierstrab2pi@reddit

Two drunk loud people discussing how they'd botched the numbers on the contract for Everton's new stadium and that's why the club is now fucked.

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Jurassicjen_uk@reddit

That Chris had an STD

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rat1906@reddit

Chris Johnson? From Paisley? Not a bit surprised..... I should really get myself checked.

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Jurassicjen_uk@reddit

I guess all Chris’ need to check just incase.
I was on a train journey so Chris could be from anywhere.

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OutrageousRepair5751@reddit

Person A: "She tried to sleep with him when he was cheating on his girlfriend with me, soooo..."

Person B: (with no hesitation) "What a slut."

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DropDeadFredidit@reddit

“My fingers still smell like gash” - random teenage boy to his mate on the train.

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Baynonymous@reddit

Was his name Jay?

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Imaginary_Finger7844@reddit

Guy tried to whisper in his partners ear that he was going to eat her pussy that night. Guy couldn't whisper for shit.

She was mortified, even more so when we told the guy to enjoy his meal and gave her a thumbs up.

They moved carriage and probably split up.

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Eastern-Leopard-2866@reddit

No Happy Meal for him then!

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Imaginary_Finger7844@reddit

Probably not.

Made me work on my whispering game though.

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johnbobk@reddit

'So the jobs a goodun?'

"Yeah, cut ..Haha.. . dead as fuck, ain't no reviving that"

'Good, I wanted to make sure she's was DEAD! Cos being givin me enough problems'

"cash?"

'of course, & remember ..we don't want this connected, ..to nothin, You got it?'

"Yea, no totally isolated"

'Thanks, we'll use you again, sparks'

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johnbobk@reddit

This automated removal & warning is ridiculous. It was a joke about an electrician & dead cables - not a threat to someone's life!

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BeetlesBlue@reddit

I was on the rush-hour train trying to get from Paddington to Honeybourne a while back. The whole train was packed but there was one lady bitching loudly about "Gabby" to a friend. No one else was talking to each other, and everyone could hear the conversation whether they liked it or not. When we got to Reading, some people started leaving the train, and in the midst of all the movement, we heard her say "Oh... Hi, Gabby. Didn't realise you were on the train!" We didn't hear her talking after that.

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Firthy2002@reddit

Someone giving out their personal details, bank details and NI number.

As in enough to properly rinse them if I were so inclined.

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HoppityHo@reddit

I once had an American bloke at work disputing some kind of order or payment can't remember, but he emailed me his PayPal email address and password. The company I worked for dealt in high end clothing for the US so I knew if I was so inclined I could've done some nefarious stuff.

I was living in Portugal at the time and my hourly rate was something daft like €4 and hour so the thought crossed my mind to be honest.

Had to reply with a very stern warning about sharing passwords with anyone, especially low paid random customer service agents.

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