People who grew up with one parent from an early age how bad did it effect you ?

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TieDyePandas@reddit

My mum walked out when I was 18 months old, over the years I've noticed a lot of little ways that being raised by just my dad has affected me. The main one being that I'm emotionally distant and it has knock on effects for relationships. I need lots of reassurance that the women in my life actually care about me.

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Obvious-Water569@reddit

Firstly, sorry to hear about your dad. Mine passed when I was 8, also from cancer.

My story is a little more complex than most you'll likely get here. I was born in Canada as my mum (British) and dad (German) moved there a few years before I was born.

When my dad died, my mum chose to move us back to the UK to be near her family. A decision I don't envy her or having to make. So I had the double upheval of not only losing a parent, but moving to a totally unfamiliar country in the space of about a year. It was a lot to adjust to, especially as an autistic kid who isn't the best at handling unexpected curveballs in life.

But, despite all that, I turned out ok. Got decent grades in school and have built a successful career in IT. I like to think those struggles only helped strengthen my character.

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simundo86@reddit (OP)

Sorry for your loss. Must have been so hard moving countries so soon after your loss and at a young age

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DrMacAndDog@reddit

Dad died when I was 4. Mum never remarried. It cast a big shadow over our childhood. It didn’t affect us all the same though. I think it made me stronger. Others not so. You’re not wrong about DIY. You have to just find out lots of stuff like that, that you think you could have been told. However plenty of people who had dads know absolutely nothing, so it’s no guarantee.

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simundo86@reddit (OP)

Yeah your right it’s no guarantee. I have got better at things and learn more patience. I feel like I’m just thinking very deeply lately with turning 40 shortly and none of my parents around. When I was younger I wouldn’t have even thought about stuff like this as I just blocked it all out

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alicatpow@reddit

Think this will be quite divided on gender lines, given that single parent homes are more commonly solo-mother homes. Also the reason for one parent's absence will probably make a big difference.

As a girl growing up I didn't miss having my dad in my life. He left when I was 2 and he came and went throughout my childhood but I never minded not having him around - in fact, life was much more settled without him and his constant drama. If he had been a more comfortable nstant figure in my life I may have picked up some of his behaviours, none of which have done him any good, so I am grateful that he wasn't there to influence me more.

I did have a step dad but he never took an active role in my upbringing, he was just a man that lived in my house, so I feel that I didn't really have a father figure at all. I didn't really need one though, I took by cues from my mum on how to behave and that was fine. It hasn't had any impact on me as an adult - I don't have "daddy issues" and I have a healthy relationship with my (male) partner.

That said, I can see how for a young man it would be more important to see a version of masculinity up close to learn how to conduct yourself around other men. And I can see how regardless of gender the death of a parent at a young age would have a significant impact. I am lucky also that my dad left before I could remember him being part of our family. My sister was older than me and it had a greater impact on her when he left (even though he wasn't her father) because it felt like abandonment. For me, family was always just mum and sister, so I didn't feel anything was missing.

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ameliasophia@reddit

I agree with this. I was always happier and our household was happier when my mum was single.

I’m sure it would be great to be raised by two good enough parents, but if there aren’t enough of those to go round, then one good enough parent is still enough imo and better than two parents where one of those parents is not a good parent.

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Adminisissy@reddit

44F. I didn't have a dad, he left before I was born. Mum was 19 when she had me. She was very strict and I was left alone a lot of the time. I would play with the boys next door but had no other friends, no girl friends.

I overcompensated in life I guess by seeking out that male role model figure by going into all male jobs, trained as a mechanic went into engineering then firefighting. Was good at them but felt very alienated. Went into burnout about 3 years ago and still struggling to work through it. Lots of anger etc coming to the surface. Never been married and feel very behind in life in regards to knowing how to have healthy relationships.

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winebookscats@reddit

My dad was the single parent in our house, although my mum was in our lives off and on depending on whether she was in a 'well' phase or suffering with her severe mental illness.

I grew up thinking single parents were quite normal, dads especially - for various reasons I only understand now as an adult, every part of my wider family (both sides) had the dad as the main parent.

I've chosen a husband very similar in many respects to my dad - family-oriented and totally devoted to his kids. He's our rock, just like my dad was.

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AffectionateMeet3967@reddit

Mom and Dad divorced at 6. My mom practically raised me and my Dad hardly knew me.

At 36, F I can say that all 5 long term relationships with men have failed badly. The rest would be psychological conjecture…

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alivingstereo@reddit

My mother raised me alone since I was 3 years old because my dad decided not to talk to us again. Long story short, his new wife was jealous of me (weird, I know, considering that she was my mother’s cousin) and he decided, for the sake of his marriage, that she was more important.

Anyway, I did grow up fine. I had a happy childhood and never felt like something was missing. My grandparents were also very present. I love them so much it hurts to see them getting older and older.

However, when I was 14 years old, my dad divorced again and tried to get close to me again. Since then, it’s not been so great. My teenage years were awful because of this to a point that I asked him not to speak to me again. He got a new wife that is the sweetest and she managed to mediate our interactions, so now my relationship with him is not so bad but it’s not great either.

Well, he got divorced again and he’s traveling to London to visit me next week with his new fiancee

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Automatic-Pie-111@reddit

Sounds like your dad is the problem

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alicatpow@reddit

Sounds a lot like my relationship with my dad. He had a string of girlfriends and wives after leaving my mum and the first wife was very jealous of me because I was biologically his and she wasn't able to have more children, so she felt his connection with her kids was threatened by me. He eventually cut me off after her ultimatum of it being her or me.

He later got a new wife who was very nice to me, so we all got along for about 5 years, but then he cheated on her and left her and his new daughter. At that point I cut contact with him for good. I could forgive him for leaving mum with me because he was very young, but to make the same choice almost two decades later and in such a destructive way was unforgivable. I don't want to get to know more wives and more siblings just to watch them get hurt over and over.

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-TheHumorousOne-@reddit

Sorry to make light of your serious and deep comment..

Is your Dad Ross Geller?

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DangerousSeesaw@reddit

My dad officially left when I was 11 but he wasn’t about much even before that as drinking was more important to him.

I did, and still do, have an amazing mum who shielded me from a lot when I was a kid.

My mum did remarry a few years later to a great guy and they’re still together 20 years later. My step-dad’s been there for me whenever I’ve needed him, so I like to think I had a decent enough childhood and turned out alright because of them both.

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Ok-Rain6295@reddit

I think I was more affected by the cause of a single mother rather than a single mother itself.

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