How to find time for myself?
Posted by amtempchant@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 29 comments
Wondering how everyone here has time to take care of themselves? Not just with health and fitness but also socialization? Dad here. I’ve got two teens and my day seems to go with work and driving them around, or reminding them to do homework, eat, take a shower, and get to bed. Next thing I know it’s 11pm and I’m that’s it for the day. It’s hard to meet friends too bc it seems like I’m always needed for something on the weekends. I haven’t a day to myself for years.
I do love my wife and kids but I feel like I need to tell everyone to leave me alone at times. I’m trying to appease bc I don’t want the family to feel hurt. How do others manage?
Catnip_75@reddit
This too shall pass. It’s not permanent, it’s temporary and when they are gone and you are alone, it gets lonely. No one talks about how lonely it is when your kids are gone. Some of us never want our kids to leave lol
Sufficient_Stop8381@reddit
It’ll get there once they grow up. The downside is kids take much longer to reach that point nowadays. Reminds me of how easy silent and boom parents had it because they could just ignore their kids while they lived their best lives.
LayerNo3634@reddit
It gets better when the kids are older. Just hang in there, this too shall pass.
amtempchant@reddit (OP)
Thank you all for the empathy. I just needed to hear this is normal and will pass, combined with aging parent issues it’s just a tough time.
comma_space_erase@reddit
Hang on, OP, soon this will pass. Empty nesting is actually amazing. You'll have so much time back.
Commies-Fan@reddit
Unfortunately these types dont get to experience that. My sister and I were true latchkey kids. My sister was and is a helicopter parent and cant let go even with her kids out of the house. She looks 10 years older than me and shes a year younger. Meanwhile my daughter is out and about. Working and in school full time. We’re good friends. And I dont look like a cancer patient.
comma_space_erase@reddit
I'm a reformed helicopter parent. I burned out trying to do that and manage everything plus a stressful job (and perimenopause) during Covid. I was running on empty, big time. And everyone was worse off for it. It's better for everyone if I'm cheering from the sidelines and let my kid figure things out. He's smart, and he has proven he's capable. This is my time to take care of myself.
FarCry5372@reddit
What area are you located in?
TraditionalBackspace@reddit
I couldn't find time so I made time. I carve out time in advance, let the dependents know, and take it. It's the only way for me.
One_Hour_Poop@reddit
I occasionally have these urges. Take a weekend off. Notify your spouse and kid that on such-and-such date, you're going to go off solo and do something for yourself. Remind them weekly, then when the day comes, BAM. Fun day for dad. Just to ensure a positive reaction from the family when you return and encouragement for next time you want to do it, bring them something back from your trip. A small gift, a souvenir, or even simply food from the place you went to.
In my case in my solo days, I like to go to comedy clubs or restaurants. I do it about 3 or 4 times a year.
Fit_Poetry_267@reddit
Came here to suggest this.
I was a sahm and it was relentless. I started taking days off every now and then. Preset days where Im completely off. It helped a lot.
umair01@reddit
Nice!
Affectionate-Map2583@reddit
Take a vacation day off work and don't tell your family you're doing it. Enjoy the day for yourself.
Angry_GorillaBS@reddit
I'm not really interested in socializing with others so it's not a problem
StartKindly9881@reddit
Happily retired at 61. More present now as my career and commute took up too much time along with running for others. However, I did make it a point to carve out time for me when was working.
liddybuckfan@reddit
I think it's hard sometimes as they get older to remember to let up and allow the kids to do some stuff for themselves. They're teenagers, you have time to go for a run or a walk or take a pottery class or whatever. They're old enough to know to take a shower and get their homework done. I don't mean totally check out of course, but it's okay to take care of yourself a little bit.
Ray_The_Engineer@reddit
Unfortunately, that's life with kids. I get it, if I had a few moments alone in the house at that point, it was like finding gold. Sometimes, I'd just sit there in the silence. But it does change...mine are now grown and gone, and my day-to-day life is vastly different. I do miss having time with my daughters; it now feels like a fleeting moment, years ago.
Ok_Driver8646@reddit
Everyone needs some time for “forgetting the world” for just a bit. It’s a huge benefit for mental health. It can be music making, exercising, a fav activity or even just sitting idle WITHOUT your device(s). Freakin chill man. 🤣
So yeah, I think it’s fair for you to speak up to family as a whole. Help your kids to learn to take charge of their problems when they’re able. Kids are more able than they let on. Why do they hide it? Cuz parents keep doing all their shit. 🤣🤣 Anyway, I’m sure your family will support you. If not, then truly leave! Haha… youve got this. And also, everyone sees you being responsible and can learn from it. Way to go mate!
Good luck.
bkward@reddit
" I feel like I need to tell everyone to leave me alone at times"
Friend, there's something really deep and ugly here. Your problem starts way before time to yourself. I would talk to my partner about sharing the kid responsibilities and balancing each other out. Sorry man, I'm just calling it out because if you fix whatever "that" is, the need to be left alone disappears.
Zen_Hydra@reddit
I don't feel like a balanced and psychologically healthful lifestyle is truly sticking with the whole...you know...generational vibe.
citispade@reddit
You need a hobby. Something just for you that you can go and do for a few hours once or twice a week. You play any sports? Find a group and commit to scheduling time to meet up and play. Golf, pickle ball, tennis, whatever. You’ll be amazed how quickly your battery recharges when you can go out for a few hours and forget about life for a bit. Gives you something to look forward to and to think about during these monotonous times. Also, you’re more than halfway through the busy parts with the kids. Once they’re 13-14+ they’ll start hanging with friends more so you and the wife will have some of your time back.
brianbbrady@reddit
Hey there goonie. Its our time. Start a band. Make a few friends and get some adventure going. Pull out the bike from the shed and go for a ride. Off road. Leave the cell and the car keys. We didn’t need them when we were 12. Stay out till the street lights come on. Remember goonies never say die.
xBobaFattx@reddit
This is awesome
Old_Goat_Ninja@reddit
My kids are grown now but that’s exactly what it was like when mine were teens.
KingPabloo@reddit
Retired 6 years ago, having control over my time is absolutely incredible and worth all the years of sacrifice.
SMakked@reddit
Spot on. When my kids were at home they come first.
SMakked@reddit
That's just what it is with kids. Mine were mostly gamers so didn't have to take them many places. Your time will come once they get their license and working. You will have Soooo much spare time when that happens it's a big adjustment
umair01@reddit
I will, sometimes, take a mid-week pto day, or just a day off unpaid if I'm consulting fulltime; Go snowboarding in Tahoe in the winters and hikes or drives to the coast : curvy roads and a sporty car. May not exactly work for you, but that's what I do..
Most_Maintenance5549@reddit
Here’s what I know. It’s really really hard and you’re not the only one.